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Quotes for
Stan (Character)
from The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition (1990) (VG)

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Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 4 - The Trial and Execution of Guybrush Threepwood (2009) (VG)
Guybrush Threepwood: Hey Stan, why don't you represent me, for old times' sake?
Stan: You mean those "old times" when you swindled me out of a ship, stuck me in a coffin for three months, scammed my insurance company, and got me involved with high risk doubloon derivatives?
Guybrush Threepwood: Um, yes?
Stan: Sorry, kid. Nothing personal, but I stand to make a bundle in legal fees off these honked-off Flotsamites. They really don't like you!

Judge Wallace P. Grindstump: Captain Threepwood, having heard the grave charges arrayed against you, how do you plead?
Guybrush Threepwood: If I plead guilty, will I get out of here any quicker?
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump: Most definitely!
Guybrush Threepwood: Great! Then I plead...
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump: After the summary executions by keelhauling, hanging, boiling and er... scaphism.
Guybrush Threepwood: Scaphism?
Stan: Trust me kid, you don't wanna know.
Guybrush Threepwood: Okay then... I plead not guilty by reason of insanity!
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump: Ye look pretty sane to me!
Guybrush Threepwood: Sure, *now*, but any second I could start using monkeys as needle-nose pliers, or shooting myself out of trebuchets, or doing strange things with rubber trees. I'm crazy, I tells ya, craaaaaaaaazy!
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump: [Getting Pox-enraged] The defendant will cease his inane histrionics, or the court will be forced to yank out his tongue with a rusty shrimp fork! Arrrr!
Guybrush Threepwood: Okay, no insanity defense...

Guybrush Threepwood: Your honor, I'd like to call Guybrush Threepwood, Mighty Pirate, to the stand!
Bailiif Killick Hardtack: [Calling out] Guybrush Threepwood!
Guybrush Threepwood: I'm right here.
Bailiif Killick Hardtack: Oh, right.
[Offers a book for Guybrush to put his hand on]
Bailiif Killick Hardtack: Do you swear on Blackbeard's log to tell the truth to the best of your ability as a grog-swilling, back-stabbing pirate?
Guybrush Threepwood: Oooh, what's this log made of, calf leather? You just can't find craftsmanship like this these days.
Bailiif Killick Hardtack: Ahem.
Guybrush Threepwood: Oh... I do!
[Playing as counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood: Captain Sheepgood...
[playing as defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood: Threepwood.
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood: Ah, yes, Shreveport.
[defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood: *Threepwood*.
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood: Greensleeves.
[as defendant, angrily]
Guybrush Threepwood: Threepwood!
[defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood: Treebeard?
[defendant, annoyed]
Guybrush Threepwood: Threeeeeep -
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood: Sleeeeee -
[defendant]
Guybrush Threepwood: Woooooood!
[counsellor]
Guybrush Threepwood: Staaaaaaaaack...
Stan: Objection! Defense is stalling!
Judge Wallace P. Grindstump: THE DEFENSE WILL GET ON WITH IT OR THE COURT WILL ORDER HIS NAME LEGALLY CHANGED TO "CAPTAIN GUTS FOR GARTERS!" ARRRRRRRRR!


The Curse of Monkey Island (1997) (VG)
Stan: Here. Take one of my business cards that I've had made up.
Guybrush Threepwood: [Stan hands him a business card] If you've been locked in that coffin, how were you able to have business cards made?
Stan: Now's not the time to worry about the technicalities, son. Now's the time to ask yourself: "Are you covered?"


The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition (1990) (VG)
Stan: I've changed my mind. I can't give her up. You can have your money back. How could I sell something so dear?
[a large part of the ship breaks and falls into the water]
Stan: Then again, a deal's a deal, right? Right. Catch ya later. Good luck. Enjoy. I'm outta here.