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Quotes for
The Wise Sage (Character)
from "The Irate Gamer" (2007)

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"The Irate Gamer: Aladdin (#3.6)" (2009)
The Wise Sage: Time to get drunk and find me some bitches.

The Wise Sage: What's all the racket in here?
[looks up]
The Wise Sage: A snake!
[the snake crushes him, killing him again and turning him back into a ghost]
The Wise Sage: Aw shit!

The Wise Sage: That does it. This genie has caused us nothing but trouble. Genie, for my last wish, I wish we'd never met you.
Genie: What?

The Irate Gamer: Where did you buy such a stupid map anyway?
The Wise Sage: I bought if off some guy back in the city we were in. He said it would lead to a secret cave full of lost treasure too.
The Irate Gamer: A secret cave full of lost treasure?
The Wise Sage: Yeah, that's the main reason I bought it.
The Irate Gamer: You know, for being a wise sage, you sure do have your fair share of dumb-ass attacks.

The Wise Sage: For my first wish... I wish to be alive again.

The Wise Sage: Maybe I'll go watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I just bought the first season on DVD.

The Wise Sage: Genie, for my second wish... I wish to be alive again.

The Irate Gamer: [he and the Wise Sage are lost in the desert; looks down] Wait a minute, what's this?
[picks up a cartridge of "Aladdin" for the SNES]
The Wise Sage: [rubbing his chin] A video game. What's that doing way out here?
The Irate Gamer: [rubbing the cartridge with his arm] I don't know and I don't care. I'm hot, I'm tired and I'm sick of looking at nothing but desert for miles and miles. I just wish that we were back home, sitting back, relaxing...
[suddenly, Chris and the Sage are magically transported back to Chris' home]
The Irate Gamer: What the hell?
[looks around]
The Irate Gamer: How did we get back here?
[suddenly, a genie emerges from the game cartridge]
Genie: [stretching his arms] Oh, yes, it's because you wished it.
The Irate Gamer: Whoa, a genie!
Genie: Yes, I am indeed a genie. You rubbed the magic game and I granted your first wish. Now you have two remaining.


"The Irate Gamer: Contra (#2.3)" (2008)
The Wise Sage: Use the code, Luke.

The Irate Gamer: Dammit. What the hell, man? Cut it out.
The Wise Sage: Shut your pie hole, slowpoke.


"The Irate Gamer: Other Contra Games: Part 1 (#2.4)" (2008)
The Irate Gamer: I swear, this level has more aliens in it than the Mos Eisely Space Port.
The Wise Sage: Um, yeah, I agree.