Natalie Keener
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Quotes for
Natalie Keener (Character)
from Up in the Air (2009/I)

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Up in the Air (2009/I)
Ryan Bingham: [toNatalie while watching passengers go through airport security] Never get behind people traveling with infants. I've never seen a stroller collapse in less than 20 minutes. Old people are worse. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love 'em.
Natalie Keener: That's racist.
Ryan Bingham: I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.

Natalie Keener: [in hotel restaurant] Hungry much?
Ryan Bingham: Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie Keener: Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
Ryan Bingham: You really want to know?
Natalie Keener: I'm dying to know.
Ryan Bingham: I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie Keener: So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
Ryan Bingham: It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie Keener: That's it? You're saving just to save?
Ryan Bingham: Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie Keener: That's a little abstract. What's the target?
Ryan Bingham: I'd rather not...
Natalie Keener: Is it a secret target?
Ryan Bingham: It's ten million miles.
Natalie Keener: Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Ryan Bingham: Pi's just a number.
Natalie Keener: Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
Ryan Bingham: I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Natalie Keener: Do they throw you a parade?
Ryan Bingham: You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie Keener: Wow.
Ryan Bingham: And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie Keener: Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.

San Francisco Manager: [interviewing Natalie for a job] So, what happened?
Natalie Keener: How exactly do you mean?
San Francisco Manager: You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?
Natalie Keener: Challenging work.
San Francisco Manager: I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.
Natalie Keener: I... followed a boy.
San Francisco Manager: I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.
[the manager pauses and picks up a letter from his desk, showing it to Natalie]
San Francisco Manager: This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.
Ryan Bingham: [voiceover, reading the letter] To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.
San Francisco Manager: [holding his hand out] I sure hope he's right.
[Natalie springs to her feet and shakes hands, gathering her composure and trying not to smile too broadly]

Natalie Keener: [to Ryan,on the docks in Miami] Can you stop sounding condescending for one second or is that one of the principles of your bullshit philosophy?

Alex Goran: [referring to Natalie's boyfriend, in Miami] What a weasly prick.
Natalie Keener: Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
Alex Goran: [sitting next to Ryan] We all fall for the pricks. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.

Ryan Bingham: [while eating breakfast in Miami] So, did you wake him up or slip out?
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan Bingham: This morning. Your new friend. Did you wake him up for an awkward goodbye or did you just slip out and make him feel like a whore?
Natalie Keener: [confused] I just left.
Ryan Bingham: Protocol's always tricky.

Natalie Keener: [to Alex at a convention party they snuck into with Ryan] You're so pretty. You're exactly what I want to look like in fifteen years.

Ryan Bingham: [Natalie, on her first outing, walks into the Omaha Airport terminal dragging her slow-moving luggage; Ryan, irritated by this, looks at her in frustration]
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan Bingham: Follow me.
[later at a store in the terminal, Ryan grabs a new, updated rolling luggage]
Natalie Keener: I really like my luggage.
Ryan Bingham: That's exactly what it is, it's luggage. You know how much time you lose by checking in?
Natalie Keener: I don't know. Five, ten minutes?
Ryan Bingham: 35 minutes a flight. I travel 270 days a year. That's 157 hours. That makes seven days. You're willing to throw away an entire week on that?
[Natalie sighs]

[sitting across from each other on a shuttle bus to the Hilton Miami Airport Hotel]
Natalie Keener: Never?
Ryan Bingham: No.
Natalie Keener: Ever?
Ryan Bingham: No.
Natalie Keener: You never wanna get married?
Ryan Bingham: Nope.
Natalie Keener: Never want kids?
Ryan Bingham: Not a chance.
Natalie Keener: Ever?
Ryan Bingham: Never. Is that so bizarre?
Natalie Keener: Yes. Yes, it is.
Ryan Bingham: I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan Bingham: Sell me marriage.
Natalie Keener: Okay. How about love?
Ryan Bingham: [scoffs] Okay.
Natalie Keener: Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
Ryan Bingham: How many stable marriages do you know?
Natalie Keener: Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
Ryan Bingham: I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.

[as Ryan and Natalie enter the Hilton Miami Airport Hotel]
Natalie Keener: How about just not dying alone?
Ryan Bingham: Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
[Natalie starts to cry]
Ryan Bingham: Oh, fuck.
Natalie Keener: [sobs] Brian left me.
[Natalie is sobbing hysterically and hugs Ryan then comforts her and calms her down]
Ryan Bingham: All right. Okay, okay. All right. All right.

Natalie Keener: [sitting across from Ryan and Alex in Miami] I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.
Alex Goran: Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Natalie Keener: Where did you think you'd be by err...?
Alex Goran: It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the dead lines. It can be a little counter productive.
Natalie Keener: I don't want to say anything that is anti feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
Alex Goran: It was our pleasure.
Ryan Bingham: well done.
Alex Goran: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work, he really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4 runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
Alex Goran: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids, likes kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yea, a nice smile just might do it.
Natalie Keener: Wow. That was depressing.

Natalie Keener: [to Ryan after an employee angrily accepted his release] Please, for the love of God, can I fire the next one.

Ryan Bingham: [sitting across the aisle from each other on a plane] Are you angry at your computer?
Natalie Keener: I type with purpose.

Ryan Bingham: [on the docks in Miami] You know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet just for a second?
Natalie Keener: Yes.
Ryan Bingham: [shrugs] Right. Well, I don't.
Natalie Keener: you're an asshole.

Natalie Keener: [Ryan overhears Natalie talking about him on the phone to her boyfriend] No, I don't think of him that way; he's old.
[Startled, Ryan looks in the mirror]

Ryan Bingham: [sitting across the aisle from each other on a plane] Natalie, what is it you think we do here?
Natalie Keener: We prepare the newly unemployed for the emotional and physical hurdles of job hunting, while minimizing legal blow-back.
Ryan Bingham: That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.
Natalie Keener: Okay, what are we doing?
Ryan Bingham: We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.

Natalie Keener: [Ryan presenting a mock firing to Craig to prove to him that Natalie is not qualified to do her job] Mr. Bingham, I regret to inform you that your position at this company is no longer available
Ryan Bingham: Who the hell are you?
Natalie Keener: My name is Ms. Keener; I'm here to tell you about your future
Ryan Bingham: My future? The only one who can fire me is Greg Gregory
Natalie Keener: Mr. Gregory asked me to handle this for him
Ryan Bingham: Handle what? Handle me? Mr. Gregory hired me, he is the only who can fire me,
Ryan Bingham: [stands up and starts walking towards the door] you know what? I'm going to go talk to him, no, no, no, you can't follow me you're on a computer screen remember? Ok let's try this again, fire me again
Natalie Keener: I just did
Ryan Bingham: Actually you didn't, fire me again
Ryan Bingham: Mr. Bingham, I 'm here today to inform you that your position with no longer available
Ryan Bingham: [Pretending to be sad] I'm fired?
Natalie Keener: Yes, you're fired
Ryan Bingham: Never say "fired"
Natalie Keener: You've been let go
Ryan Bingham: Why?
Natalie Keener: This is a mythical situation, how could I possibly know why
Ryan Bingham: The "why" doesn't matter, you never know why
Natalie Keener: It's important not to focus on the "why" but rather spend your energy thinking about your future.
Ryan Bingham: Well, I'm going to spend my energy on suing you unless you give me a good reason why you're firing me
Natalie Keener: Mr. Bingham, the reason's not important
Ryan Bingham: So, you're firing without grounds, now I really have a lawsuit

Natalie Keener: [giving her presentation to the staff with Craig present] If there's one word I want to leave you with is ""glocal" our global must become our local. This company keeps twenty three people on the road at least two hundred fifty days a year, its expensive and it's inefficient, when I came to Craig three months ago with this, he told me and quite astutely " it's only a problem if you have a solution", today I stand before you with just that, you all know Ned in reception, today I'm going to "fire" Ned, now Ned could be any employee at anyone of our client's locations worldwide. Strategy packets will be shipped in advance and they'll be given a seat where one of our transitional specialists will be waiting for them.

Natalie Keener: [using Ned as an example to fire someone over the internet using video conference] Mr. Laskim, The reason we're having this conversation is because your position at this company is no longer available
Ned: [reading the script he was given] I don't understand I'm fired?
Natalie Keener: Hearing the words "you've been let go" is never easy change is always scary but consider the following: anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's because they sat there that they were able to do it.
Ryan Bingham: [while watching her presentation, quietly to a colleague] that's my fucking line
Ned: what happens now?
Natalie Keener: This is the first step in a new process that will end with you at a job that fulfills you
Ned: Yeah, but how does it work?
Natalie Keener: You're going to take the packet in front of you review it, all the answers you're looking for are inside. Start filling out the necessary information and before you know it and before you know it you'll be on your way to new opportunities. I need you to go back to your desk and putting together your things. As a favor to me I'd appreciate it if you don't spread the news just yet panic doesn't help anyone
Ned: I understand
Natalie Keener: [to the staff] give it up for Ned
Natalie Keener: [concluding her presentation] You can start the morning in Boston stop in Dallas over lunch and finish the day in San Francisco all for the price of a T-1 line. Our inflated travel budget increased by eighty five percent, more importantly to you guys on the road, no more Christmases in a hotel in Tulsa no more hours lost to weather delays you get to come home.

Ryan Bingham: Tell me you're not taking this seriously
Craig Gregory: [in his office] That's why I brought the entire company in from the road because I'm not "taking this seriously"
Ryan Bingham: There's a methodology to what I do there's a reason why it works
Craig Gregory: Coke and IBM have been this for years are you familiar with them? Just like everything else it'll take a few months for the transition then everyone's going to settle in
Ryan Bingham: Who are you taking off the road?
Natalie Keener: How are not getting this? You're grounded everybody's grounded it's done
Ryan Bingham: What we do is brutal and it does leave people devastated there's a dignity to the way I do it
Craig Gregory: Like stabbing them in the chest instead of the back?
Ryan Bingham: Am I the only one that sees by doing this we're making ourselves "irrelevant"?
Craig Gregory: No we're making you "irrelevant",don't blame me blame the high fuel costs, blame insurance premiums, blame technology you better watch yourself you're too young to become a dinosaur
Ryan Bingham: I'm not a dinosaur
Craig Gregory: I want you to show her the ropes
Ryan Bingham: I'm not the only one who knows what's going on here, get someone else to do it you're very confident that this girl doesn't know what she's doing I don't think setting a MySpace page qualifies you to rewire an entire company
Craig Gregory: Great then here's your chance take her out there show her the magic, take her to the paces
Ryan Bingham: I'm not a fucking tour guide
Craig Gregory: We're ringing the bell and rounding everybody up you want to stay out there your welcome to but you will not be alone you let me know

Ryan Bingham: [sitting across from each other on an airplane] What are you working so furiously?
Natalie Keener: [while typing on her lab top computer] I'm building a work flow of firing techniques its questions and responses, actions and reactions it's a script taking you through the steps of firing someone
Ryan Bingham: Whose it for?
Natalie Keener: Theoretically you can put it in the hands of anybody and they can start downsizing immediately all you have to do is follow the steps

Natalie Keener: [sitting across from each other, while having dinner] Fear of mortality: it's like, yeah you're going to die one day
Ryan Bingham: Why do you think that's singular to men?
Natalie Keener: Probably because you can't have babies
Ryan Bingham: The "baby argument"?

Bob: [Shows them a picture of his children, after having been informed he's been let go] What do you suggest I tell them?
Natalie Keener: Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children
Bob: The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year, unemployment is two hundred fifty bucks week is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice one bedroom apartment and I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for her
Natalie Keener: Tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping
Bob: "Go fuck yourself",that's what my kids will think
Ryan Bingham: Your kids' admiration is important to you?
Bob: Yeah of course
Ryan Bingham: I doubt they ever admired you
Bob: Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
Ryan Bingham: I'm not a shrink I'm a wakeup call, I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives guys exactly like you they clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness you have an opportunity, this is a rebirth, if not for you do it for your children

Natalie Keener: [sitting across from Ryan and Alex] I should just date women
Alex Goran: [sitting next to Ryan while the three of them have drinks] I tried it, we're no picnic ourselves
Natalie Keener: I don't mind being married to my career and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I sleep, I just don't want to settle
Alex Goran: You're young, right now you see settling down as a failure
Natalie Keener: It is, by definition
Alex Goran: By the time someone is right for you it won't feel like settling and the only one to judge you will be the twenty three year old with the target on your back

Karen Barnes: I'm here to be fired right?
Natalie Keener: We're here to talk about your future
Karen Barnes: You don't have to "sugar coat" it I get the drill, what are they offering?
Natalie Keener: Inside the packet you'll find a clearly worked out severance package
Karen Barnes: Give me the bullet points
Natalie Keener: It's actually pretty good three months' pay, six months medical and a full year replacement services through our company's CTC
Karen Barnes: "Replacement services" that's generous
Natalie Keener: Commonly it takes one month of searching for every ten thousand dollars you earn in salary
Karen Barnes: So I could be looking for a while
Natalie Keener: Not necessarily
Karen Barnes: Don't even sweat it I'm pretty confident in my plans
Natalie Keener: Really?
Karen Barnes: Yeah there's this beautiful bridge by my house I'm going to jump off it

Natalie Keener: [on the docks in Miami] What happened to Alex?
Ryan Bingham: She had to leave town to get to a meeting
Natalie Keener: That's too bad, where'd she live?
Ryan Bingham: Chicago
Natalie Keener: Are you going to go see her?
Ryan Bingham: We don't really have that kind of relationship
Natalie Keener: What kind of relationship do you have?
Ryan Bingham: Casual
Natalie Keener: Sounds pretty special
Natalie Keener: Do you think there's a future there?
Ryan Bingham: We never really thought about it, what's going on here?
Natalie Keener: Really never thought about it?
Ryan Bingham: No
Natalie Keener: How can you not think about that? How does it not cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
Ryan Bingham: It just doesn't
Natalie Keener: Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?
Ryan Bingham: A chance at what?
Natalie Keener: A chance at something real
Ryan Bingham: Your definition of "real" is going to evolve as you get older
Natalie Keener: The isolation, the traveling is that supposed to be charming?
Ryan Bingham: No, it's simply a life choice
Natalie Keener: It's a cocoon of self-banishment
Ryan Bingham: Wow big words
Natalie Keener: You have a set a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection and now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice comes out on the other end smiling, just so you can call her "casual"? I need to grow up? You're a twelve year old

Natalie Keener: I'm sorry what I said about Alex that was out of line.
Ryan Bingham: It's alright, I understand.
Natalie Keener: Who am I giving out relationship advice right?
Ryan Bingham: No kidding.
Natalie Keener: Are you going to be ok?
Ryan Bingham: What do you mean?
Natalie Keener: In Omaha.
Ryan Bingham: I don't know.
Natalie Keener: It's better than you think, where are you going?
Ryan Bingham: [suddenly turns around to the other direction] I'm grabbing another flight, something I've got to take care of I'll see you back at home.

Natalie Keener: [showing him the new company set up of firing employees over the internet] Someone sits down at a conference room somewhere and our server routes their session to one of our termination engineers
Ryan Bingham: "Termination engineers"? Really?
Natalie Keener: I prefer "terminators" but it was bumped because it was illegal
Ryan Bingham: I can't imagine why
Natalie Keener: They follow a work flow that takes them through anything from s standard dismissal to a violent aggressor
Ryan Bingham: Are they practicing right now?
Natalie Keener: Beta testing, role playing we go live at the end of the month