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: Haley's alright. Father
: Haley? Mother
: Haley, your daughter. You remember... Father
: Of course I remember. I suppose her head's stuck in one of those sloppy books? Mother
: Oh, I don't think they do her any harm, dear. Father
: They're rubbish. I mean love, romance, what on Earth's any of that to do with adult life, hm? Mother
: Hm, not much.
: [fiddling about with remote control
] Oh look, Marjorie, Granny, I'm controlling the robot. Granny
: Yes, dear, who's controlling you?
: It can't stay here son, I mean, you know, this is there are a lot of valuable things in this bungalow, the double glasing, my plants, Granny. Granny
: In that order.
: Well, it's about Metal Mickey. Father
: No, I'm sorry, Ken, I've mad up my mind on this one, this is a small bungalow and there's not enough room for another... Granny
] useless piece of scrapmetal on wheels.
: Now listen to me, Marjorie. Today's our anniversary. We're celebrating 22 years of togetherness. And if you don't hurry up, I'm gonna go without you.
: Alright, lets stop, think and go back for whatever it is we've forgotten. Handbag?
[Marjorie pats the handbag under her arm
[Marjorie points at her watch
[Marjorie gently slaps her cheek
: Aw! Father
: Granny are you alright? Granny
: It's me hearing aid. Father
: Well, what, did it hurt? Granny
: Worse. It's just picked up Terry Wogan.
: Can't wait to tell them at work. They will laugh... Haley
: It's not funny, dad! Father
: When I say something funny, my staff laugh. Janey
: It's a condition to their employment.
: You son, are an idiot. Steve
: Must be hereditary, dad.
: Do you think it's coming to eat us, dear? Father
: No, Marjorie, it's coming for a cup of tea. Mother
: Oh, we haven't any cups! Father
: Ooh... Mother
: Still, I suppose it would drink it's tea out of a dino-saucer.
: Dear... Father
: Hm? Mother
: Why has Steve got the tea cosy on his head? Father
: He's turned Muslim. Mother
: Ah, and he was so looking forward to Christmas.
: I do wish Steve was here. Granny
: So do I. Mother
: Still I'm glad he went on that school trip to Paris. Father
: Yes, so am I.
: Never did like the French.
: Counterfeiting, involving us? Don't be silly! Detective
: Are you calling a police officer silly, sir? Father
: What? Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't do that, don't be si...
: [addressing his two guests
] Come in, Mrs. Baraclough, come in sir. Mother
: Oh this must be your area manager and his wife, dear. Father
: No, it's Batman and Robin. Mother
: Oh. Hello. We haven't got enough food for six, dear.
: Busy with your flowers, dear? Father
: No Marjorie, I'm sliding around on a roller skate in a grass skirt with a banana on my ear. Mother
: Oh, that reminds me. Father
: What? Mother
: I forgot banana's.
: [Mother has brought Mickey home
] Marjorie, it's Ken's robot! Mother
: No dear, it's the abominable snowman. Father
: Oho, silly me.