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Quotes for
Eleanor Sherman (Character)
from "The Critic" (1994)

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"The Critic: A Little Deb Will Do You (#1.5)" (1994)
[Eleanor is showing an old news reel featuring her coming out at a débutante ball and J. Edgar Hoover in drag]
Jay Sherman: Hey, look, Mom. You and Hoover came out on the same day.
Eleanor Sherman: Don't you say that about your Uncle Edgar!

Jay Sherman: God love her, Mom, I couldn't change her mind. But you should be proud she has your will.
Eleanor Sherman: She may have my will, but she doesn't have my gun!

Eleanor: I forgot what a marvelous dancer you are.
Franklin: And I forgot to turn the oven off.
[scene cuts to the Sherman Mansion, now on fire]
Shakleford: Burn, baby, burn!

Jay Sherman: Hi Ma, how do you like the tux?
Eleanor: Oh, Jay, you look good enough to bury!

"The Critic: The Pilot (#1.1)" (1994)
[first lines of the series]
Jay Sherman: [answering the phone] Hello?
Eleanor Sherman: Jay, this is your mother. Your father and I are taking you out of our will. We feel you already have enough money. Oh, yes, and happy birthday.

Eleanor: Can't one dinner go by where we don't talk about your rotting corpse?

"The Critic: A Day at the Races and a Night at the Opera (#1.11)" (1994)
[Duke has just revamped Jay's show in an attempt to raise ratings, with Jay acting as a ventriloquist's dummy]
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Welcome to "Coming Attractions." I'm Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and this is Little Knothead.
Jay Sherman: This is so demeaning. I have a PhD in film!
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Okay, Dr. Knothead, why don't you sing "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt" while I drink a glass of water.
Jay Sherman: [singing] John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt / That's my name too! I spit in the water.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: [spits water] Knothead!
Franklin Sherman: [the Shermans are watching] Didn't we used to have a Knothead doll?
Eleanor Sherman: That was our son!

Jay Sherman: Mom, Dad, I never made you laugh?
Franklin: Well, I did chuckle a bit when you tried to eat that bird and fell over the cliff.
Eleanor: No, Franklin, that was the Roadrunner.
Jay Sherman: No, that was me.

"The Critic: A Song for Margo (#2.4)" (1995)
Eleanor Sherman: First he stole my butler, now he's stealing my daughter!
Franklin Sherman: Well, he won't steal the silverware. I've glued that to the ceiling.
[Pan up to the ceiling, showing silverware and an upside-down dog]
Jay Sherman: Uh, dad? I understand the silverware, but why the dog?
Franklin Sherman: You understand the silverware? Heh, heh! Cuckoo!

"The Critic: A Pig Boy and His Dog (#1.13)" (1994)
Eleanor: Franklin, my life is an endless grey corridor.
Franklin: Hmm, I've been there too. Usually there's a midget making googly eyes at me. I call him Mr. Picolini.

"The Critic: Sherman of Arabia (#2.7)" (1995)
Eleanor Sherman: What's going to happen to our darling little boy?
Franklin Sherman: Don't worry, my darling. I have friends in high places who'll take care of everything.
[Franklin is in the Oval Office and is greeted by President Bush]
President Bush: Franklin, great to see you. Been years.
Franklin Sherman: Mr. President, my son is being held hostage in Iraq, and I need you to save him. Now, I've given money to the Republicans for years and never asked for anything in return.
President Bush: You asked to be Secretary of Balloon Doggies!
Franklin Sherman: I didn't ask to be Secretary of Balloon Doggies. The balloon doggies demanded it!