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: I never told anybody this before, but I hate flyin'. So it would be an awful shame to die now. Rockhound
: That's easy for you to say. I owe 100 grand to a fat-ass loan shark which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds. Chick
: Boy, that's bad.
: Man, what are you doing with a gun in space?
: For god's sakes, think about what you're doin'. Why are you listening to someone that's a 100,000 miles away? We're here, nobody down there can help us. So if we don't get this job done, everybody's gone. Chick
: One minute. Harry Stamper
: I have been drilling holes in the earth for 30 years. And I have never, NEVER missed a depth that I have aimed for. And by God, I am not gonna miss this one, I will make 800 feet. Chick
: 42 seconds. Harry Stamper
: But I can't do it alone, Colonel. I need your help. Colonel William Sharp
: Do you swear on your daughter's life, on my family's, that you can hit that mark? Harry Stamper
: I will make 800 feet. I swear to God I will. Colonel William Sharp
: Then let's turn this bomb off.
: What are you doing here? Chick
: I was just passing by on the, uh, I came... Tommy
: [comes onto the porch with a toy
] Who's he? Denise
: That man's a salesman. Would you go inside? Thank you. Chick
: [Tommy goes inside the house
] He got big. Denise
: You can't come around like this. The court says you can't. It confuses him. Chick
: No I know. I just... I wanted to say that I'm sorry about everything, and... I got something coming up, something kinda big. You just might be proud of me. Would you do something for me? Would you just give him this. You don't have - you don't have to tell him who it's from just...
[puts a toy shuttle on the porch
: None of you have to go. We can all just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it, kill everything and everybody we know. United States government just asked us to save the world. Anybody wanna say no? Chick
: 20 years. Haven't turned you down once. Not about to start now. I'm there. Freddy Noonan
: Guess I can't let you go up there alone. Bear
: I'm with you. Oscar
: Man, this is - this is historic. Guys, this is, like, deep blue hero stuff! Of course I'm in. Rockhound
: While I don't share *his* enthusiasm, you know me. Beam me up, Scotty! Harry Stamper
: You all right, Max? Max
: I-I don't, I-I don't... Whatever you think. Harry Stamper
: [to A.J
] How about you? A.J.
: I'm in. Harry Stamper
: All right then. We go. Rockhound
: I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but do you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?
Colonel William Sharp
: It takes two people to fly this thing. Either we all stay and die, or you guys draw straws. Rockhound
: I say we all stay and die.
[pause, everyone looks at Rockhound
: But that's me. AJ
: I'll draw. Let's draw. Harry
: Nobody's gonna draw straws. I'll stay and take care of it. Chick
: Well, I can't live with that sort of thing. Lev Andropov
: Nobody asked you if you could live with it, all right? Lev Andropov
: Bullshit! No way I will let you volunteer for this, so I can go back to my home country like the man who did not volunteer! No way! Bear
: Hey man, let's draw, and let's see who's gonna stay up here and dance. Rockhound
: Hey guys? I-I know you guys think I'm crazy right now but, I would really like this responsibility. Harry
: All right. All right. Rockhound
: I can do it! Harry
: Let's just draw straws and get it over with. Come on. Chick
: I ain't drawin' against you, Harry. Harry
: Well, I'm gonna draw against you Chick, so you better just go ahead and do it.
[They draw straws
: Just gimme this thing. Lev Andropov
: [Lev looks at the straw he has drawn
] Is this good, or bad?
[A.J. has drawn the short straw
: Oh man. Well, we all gotta die right? I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.
: Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.
Helga the Nurse
: Mr. Chappell, you're next Chick
: Aw, gee, lady. I just came here to drill. Helga the Nurse
[Holds up anal probe
] Helga the Nurse
: So did I.
: Blew the tranny... blew the tranny.
: Freddy, you all right? Freddy Noonan
: [Hunching over
] Does this look okay to you? Does this look okay? Max
] It's not too bad. It's kinda tingly.
: This is turning into a surrealistic nightmare!
Colonel William Sharp
: [Just before zero barrier
] Somethings not right, too much time has gone by. We're going back to do it ourselves. Chick
: Just don't, wait one minute.