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: Whats the matter Clive? Clive Gollings
: There is an alien in the kitchen making bagels and coffee. Graeme Willy
: Did you want tea? Clive Gollings
: No, I don't want tea! Graeme Willy
: Right, because tea is weird in America.
: What if we wake up and find him inserting a probe into our anus? Graeme Willy
: Well apparently they don't do that. Paul
: [Paul wiggles his finger inside the hole of a bagel
] Anyone want one of these? Yeah? Anyone?
: [Putting the phone to his ear
] It's ringing. Paul
: [Out of view
] I wouldn't do that if I were you
[Clive and Graham turn around
: Put... the phone... down! Clive Gollings
: [Falling backwards fainting
] Ha ha ha ha ha! Paul
: Aw fuck me. Graeme Willy
: [Looks to his right, then down, and then back at the approching alien
] What did you do to him? Paul
: I didn't do anything to him - he fainted! Graeme Willy
: But you made him faint! Paul
: It's not like I set my phaser to faint! Graeme Willy
: You've got a phaser?
: Agent Mulder was right! Paul
: Agent Mulder was my idea!
: That there's the Black Vampire. Watch out! She bites. Clive Gollings
: How much? Sword Vendor
: $1349.99 Graeme Willy
: Aren't you going to get it? Clive Gollings
: [Speaking in Klingon
] Fuck that.
: They're going to rape us and break our arms! Graeme Willy
: I don't want my arms broken.
: Paul, what happens if you get caught? Paul
: Graeme, they are going to cut out my brain... Yeah it's fucked... kinda a buzz kill... Let's lighten the mood, shall we? Clive when did you last get laid? Clive Gollings
: Uh. Collectormania London '08... Ewok chick. Paul
] Clive likes boning space bears!
: Ever since I saw "Mac and Me", I've dreamed about meeting you!
: It's not fat, it's power!
: [about boning an Ewok chick
] What was it like? Clive Gollings
: Well... she was 'furry' nice!
: [Looking at Clive's novel
] What is this, nerd porn? Graeme Willy
: Oh, no, that's Clive's... Clive Gollings
: It's my novel. Haggard
: [Looking at an alien on the cover
] Ha! Three tits! O'Reilly
: That's awesome. You guys should have given her four tits. Graeme Willy
: [Looking disgusted
] That's just sick. O'Reilly
: I was just sayin'...
: Where are you boys from? Clive Gollings
: ...England. State Trooper
: I heard about that place: no guns. Graeme Willy
: Not many... Clive Gollings
: No, not really, just... farmers. State Trooper
: Well how are police supposed to shoot anybody? Graeme Willy
] Well they don't... Clive Gollings
: They- they try not to...
[the state trooper stares at them suspiciously
] Gas Station Attendant
: [Cash register rings, breaking the suspense
] $15.58. Graeme Willy
: Um, twenty, keep the change... give it to charity or something.
[They hastily exit the store
] Adam Shadowchild
: Please welcome to the stage, Clive Gollings and Graeme Willy. Give it up. Graeme Willy
, Clive Gollings
: Three, two, one...
[take stage in front of cheering audience
: Pleasure to meet you boys. You did a hell of a job. Clive Gollings
: Thank you, Agent Zoil. Agent Zoil
: Please call me Lorenzo. Clive Gollings
, Graeme Willy
: Lorenzo Zoil?
: What do you think you're gonna dream about? Clive Gollings
: Oh, the open road. High adventure. That kind of thing. You? Graeme Willy
: Wonder woman.
: Get your own Alien!