Maria Hill
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Quotes for
Maria Hill (Character)
from The Avengers (2012)

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"Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Pilot (#1.1)" (2013)
Maria Hill: What does S.H.I.E.L.D. stand for, Agent Ward?
Grant Ward: Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.
Maria Hill: And what does that mean to you?
Grant Ward: It means someone really wanted our initials to spell out "shield." It means we're the line between the world and the much weirder world. We protect people from news they aren't ready to hear. And when we can't do that, we keep them safe.

Grant Ward: Something turns up like this Chitauri neural link... we get to it before someone bad does.
Maria Hill: Any idea who Vanchat was planning to sell it to?
Grant Ward: I'm more interested how this Rising Tide group found out about it. I thought they were just hackers. What changed?
Maria Hill: Everything's changing. A little while ago, most people went to bed thinking that the craziest thing in the world was a billionaire in a flying metal suit. Then aliens invade New York then were beaten back by among others, a giant green monster, a costumed hero from the 40's, and a God.
Grant Ward: I don't think Thor's technically a God.
Maria Hill: Well, you haven't been near his arms.

Maria Hill: The battle of the New York was the end of the world. This - now - is the new world. People are different. They have access to tech, to formula, secrets they're not ready for.
Grant Ward: Why was I pulled out of Paris?
Maria Hill: That, you have to ask Agent Coulson.
Grant Ward: Uh, yeah. I'm clearance Level Six. I know that... Agent Coulson was killed in action before the battle of New York. Got the full report.
Phil Coulson: [walks out of the dark] Welcome to Level Seven.
[Normal voice]
Phil Coulson: Sorry, that corner was really dark, I couldn't help myself. I think there's a bulb out.

Grant Ward: Director Fury faked your death - to motivate the Avengers.
Maria Hill: Well, the death of a common ally is a particulary team builder.
Phil Coulson: Plus, it wasn't much of a stretch. I stopped breathing for about 40 seconds.
Maria Hill: Eight. It gets longer every time you tell it.
Phil Coulson: Yeah, well, you get shanked by the Asgardian Mussolini, you can tell it your way. I was looking at the big white light, and it felt a lot longer than eight seconds.
Grant Ward: Do they know? The Avengers - that Fury played them?
Maria Hill: They're not Level Seven.
Phil Coulson: Got of the I.C.U., Fury stuck me in a grass shack in Tahiti. Rough gig. Mai Tais, Travis McGee novels, and a physical therapist whose command of English was... irrelevant.

Phil Coulson: Agent Hill did a very detailed assessment of your last three missions. Combat, top grades. Espionage, she gave you the highest marks since Romanoff. Under people skills she drew a... I think it's a little poop, with knives sticking out of it.
Grant Ward: WHAT?
Phil Coulson: That's bad right?
Maria Hill: [after Ward leaves] It was a porcupine. It was not a poop. It just means he...
Phil Coulson: No, I'm pretty sure...
[Looks at the book]

Dr. Streiten: I would have been very happy not to clear you, Phil. I'd love for you to rest up some more.
Phil Coulson: I've had plenty of that. Thanks.
Maria Hill: You sure?
Phil Coulson: You should go sometime.
Maria Hill: Where?
Phil Coulson: Tahiti. It's a magical place.
Maria Hill: Three days in, I'd be begging for an assignment.
Phil Coulson: Exactly.
[Coulson leaves]
Dr. Streiten: Tahiti. He really doesn't know does he?
Maria Hill: He can never know.

The Avengers (2012)
[from trailer]
Maria Hill: You put those people together, you can't expect what's going to happen...

Maria Hill: When did you become an expert in thermonuclear astrophysics?
Tony Stark: Last night. The packet. Selvig's notes, the extraction theory papers. Am I the only one who did the reading?

Maria Hill: Sir, those cards were in Phil Coulson's locker, not his pocket.
Nick Fury: They needed a push in the right direction.
[sees the Quinjet takes off]
Nick Fury: They got it.

[last lines]
Maria Hill: Sir, how does it work now? They've gone their separate ways, some pretty extremely far. We get into a situation like this again, what happens then?
Nick Fury: They'll come back.
Maria Hill: You really sure about that?
Nick Fury: I am.
Maria Hill: Why?
Nick Fury: Because we'll need them to.

Tony Stark: [Covering his eye, looks around] How does Fury even see these?
Maria Hill: He turns.
Tony Stark: Sounds exhausting.

Maria Hill: Thor, what's his play?
Thor: He has an army, called the Chitauri. They're not of Asgard or any world known. He means to lead them against your people. They will win him the Earth. In return, I suspect, for the Tesseract.
Maria Hill: An army. From outer space.
Pepper Potts: So he's building another portal. That's what he needs Erik Selvig for.
Thor: Selvig?
Pepper Potts: He's an astrophysicist.
Thor: He's a friend.
Bruce Banner: Loki has them under some kind of spell. Along with one of ours.
Maria Hill: I wanna know why Loki let us take him. He's not leading an army from here.
Pepper Potts: I don't think we should be focusing on Loki. That guy's brain is a bag full of cats. You can smell crazy on him.
Thor: Take care how you speak. Loki is beyond reason, but he is of Asgard. And he is my brother.
Bruce Banner: He killed eighty people in two days.
Thor: He's adopted.

"Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Nothing Personal (#1.20)" (2014)
Phil Coulson: If I come out, will you shoot me? 'Cause then I won't come out.
Colonel Glenn Talbot: Hold your fire, soldiers.
Phil Coulson: This is one of the most classified facilities on the planet, colonel. How the hell did you find it?
Maria Hill: I told them.

Maria Hill: Wow. I can't believe he shot Lola.
Phil Coulson: I can't talk about it.

Grant Ward: Maria Hill. I kind of hoped you went down with the Triskelion.
Maria Hill: And I kind of hoped you weren't the duplicitous lowlife you turned out to be, but here we are.

Maria Hill: Yeah, it went as expected. SHIELD implodes, and everyone wants answers. The CIA, NSA, NRO them I can handle. But Congress? Congress is like kindergarten. "Where is this Fridge?" "What was in there?" "Who or what is a man-thing?" I swear I need a cocktail and a lobotomy.

Maria Hill: You know, I never liked you, Ward, not since our first sit-down, but I never figured you for John Garrett's lapdog.
Grant Ward: A lot of us lost respect for Fury when he picked you as his second. If he needed eye candy around, he could have at least picked Romanoff.
Maria Hill: That's funny. I'll tell her you said that.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Maria Hill: All set up boss.
Tony Stark: Actually he's the boss.
[points to Captain America]
Tony Stark: I just pay for everything and design everything, make everyone look cooler.

Maria Hill: Well, the news is loving you. Nobody else is.

Maria Hill: [to Captain America] Petro and Wanda Maximoff. One has a hyper-fast metabolism, the other uses mental telepathy. He's fast, she's weird.

James Rhodes: [to Stark] So, no Pepper? She's not coming?
Tony Stark: No.
Maria Hill: [to Thor] What about Jane? Where are the ladies. gentlemen?
Tony Stark: Oh, Ms. Potts has a company to run.
Thor: Yes, I'm not even sure what country Jane's in. Her work on the Convergence has made her the world's most foremost astronomer.
Tony Stark: And the company that Pepper runs is the largest tech conglomerate on Earth. It's pretty exciting.
Thor: There's even talk of Jane getting a, um,
Thor: Nobel Prize.
Maria Hill: Yeah, they must be pretty busy, because they'd hate missing you guys get together.
Maria Hill: Testosterone!
James Rhodes: Oh, my goodness.
Maria Hill: Excuse me.
Thor: Want a lozenge?
Maria Hill: Mm-hmm.
[Hill and Rhodey walk away, Stark and Thor both grin]
Thor: [to Tony] Jane's better.

Tony Stark: All deference to the Man Who Wouldn't Be King, but it's rigged.
Clint Barton: You bet your ass!
Maria Hill: Steve, he said a bad language word!
Steve Rogers: [to Tony] Did you tell everyone about that?

Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Nick Fury: We have to assume everyone aboard those carriers is HYDRA. We have to get past them, insert these server blades. And maybe, just maybe we can salvage what's left...
Steve Rogers: We're not salvaging anything. We're not just taking down the carriers, Nick. We're taking down S.H.I.E.L.D.
Nick Fury: S.H.I.E.L.D. had nothing to do with this.
Steve Rogers: You gave me this mission. This is how it ends. S.H.I.E.L.D.'s been compromised. You said so yourself. HYDRA grew under right your nose and nobody noticed.
Nick Fury: Why do you think we're meeting in this cave? I noticed.
Steve Rogers: How many paid the price before you did?
Nick Fury: Look, I didn't know about Barnes.
Steve Rogers: Even if you had, would you have told me? Or would you have compartmentalized that, too? S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA, it all goes.
Maria Hill: He's right.
Sam Wilson: [Fury glances at Natasha, who gives a quiet indication of the same opinion. Fury then looks at Wilson] Don't look at me. I do what he does, just slower.
Nick Fury: Well... It looks like you're giving the orders now, Captain.

Maria Hill: [taking off a HYDRA helmet] That thing was squeezing my brain.
[Looks at Sam]
Maria Hill: Who's this guy?

"The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Winter Soldier (#2.21)" (2012)
Nick Fury: Things rough at the top, Hill?
Maria Hill: Let's just say I slept better when YOU were the one being woken at 3:00 AM to deal with the interdimensional threat of the month.
Nick Fury: I'll be back as soon as we wrap up the Skrull hunt. Until then, drink more coffee.

"Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: The Dirty Half Dozen (#2.19)" (2015)
Maria Hill: I bet Gonzales wasn't happy when you said he wasn't invited to this chat.
Phil Coulson: Yeah, well, I wasn't too happy when he blew a hole in my base and kicked me out. We all live with disappointment, and right now, we have bigger problems.
Maria Hill: Does that mean you found it?
Phil Coulson: I'm guessing Hydra doesn't know Loki's scepter was the weapon that killed me, but I bet they know it can control minds.
Maria Hill: In their hands, that's catastrophic. Coulson, please tell me you know where it is.
Phil Coulson: Segovia. I'm pretty sure List is headed there right now. I've just sent you everything I found on Strucker's location.
Maria Hill: Coulson, why didn't you just tell Gonzales why you really wanted to get onto the Hydra base?
Phil Coulson: Believe it or not, he puts every decision to a vote.
[Hill scoffs]
Phil Coulson: I know. And I was pretty sure if I'd been honest, I'd have lost the swing vote, so I did what I had to do.
Maria Hill: Last thing. Theta Protocol; is it ready?
Phil Coulson: Yes, it is. Time to bring in the Avengers.

"The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes: Secret Invasion (#2.12)" (2012)
Maria Hill: I've had the same car since I was nineteen years old and never had a problem; yet this thing
[S.H.I.E.L.D. Helicarrier]
Maria Hill: falls out of the sky every other Thursday!