Britta Perry
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Quotes for
Britta Perry (Character)
from "Community" (2009)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Community: Cooperative Calligraphy (#2.8)" (2010)
Jeff Winger: I have a date to catch, or should I say, a catch to date.
Britta Perry: [Rolling her eyes] I hope you just came up with that.

Britta Perry: [while reading Abed's notebook] Oh my God, are you charting our menstral cycles?
Annie Edison: What? Gross!
Shirley Bennett: Abed, this is so personal... and so accurate.

Britta Perry: [after searching Shirley's bag] Is this what you were trying to hide, Shirley? A pregnancy test?
Jeff Winger: And more importantly, are they seriously marketing pregnancy tests to black women?

Annie Edison: Jeff, you're in charge. I demand you deal with this.
Jeff Winger: There's nothing to deal with.
Abed Nadir: I'll say.
Jeff Winger: Okay, all right, all right, everyone breathe. You know what this is?
Abed Nadir: Yep.
Jeff Winger: Shut up. This is a normal day with a bunch of friends who are done studying and a pen maybe rolled away.
Annie Edison: Rolled away?
Jeff Winger: Or fell down someone's shoe.
Annie Edison: Let's check shoes.
Jeff Winger: Annie! Fine, fine. Someone in this room is hiding your pen. Wanna know why? They feel terrible. They made a mistake. They waited too long to come forward and now they feel bad.
Britta Perry: They should.
Jeff Winger: Okay, okay. So, pen thief, we understand what happened, and we forgive you.
Annie Edison: If you confess and apologize.
Jeff Winger: Right, but here's the trick: Because this person now has no reason not to come forward, if by some chance, I get to the count of three and nobody comes forward, guess what. We have to accept that no one has the pen, don't we?
[everyone makes a half-hearted agreeing sound]
Jeff Winger: Don't we?
[everyone makes the same sound again]
Jeff Winger: Good. So here we go. One. Two.
[Pierce raises his hand, and everyone points at him in an accusative way. Annie gasps]
Jeff Winger: Pierce, do you have something to tell us?
Pierce Hawthorne: Yes. Is it me, or has it become really obvious that Jeff took the pen?
[different people agree with this at the same time]
Jeff Winger: [angrily] You wanna make a bet, you jerks? Lockdown! Abed, seal the doors. Nobody leaves until this pen shows up.
Abed Nadir: I don't like this.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, tell it to the pen you might have.
[Jeff puts his phone to his ear]
Jeff Winger: Gwynnifer? Hi. Yeah, it's me. I can't make it. Well, tell your disappointment to suck it. I'm doing a bottle episode.
[hangs up and throws his phone away]

Abed Nadir: You're last up, Shirley. Dump your comedically huge bag and end this.
Shirley Bennett: Uh. No, thank you.
Annie Edison: Well, well, well, Harvey Keitel.
Troy Barnes: Well, what do you know, Henry David Thoreau?
Britta Perry: My oh my, Mike Ty... son. Just empty the bag.
Shirley Bennett: No, I don't have Annie's pen. I'm simply a Christian woman who doesn't open her bag.
[a minute later, she tries to leave. Pierce blocks her]
Pierce Hawthorne: Nice try, Stephen Fry.
Britta Perry: [frustrated] Stephen Fry!

Britta Perry: Let's rustle through your tampons and wallet so we can apologize to you.
Shirley Bennett: I'm sure everybody here knows I don't steal.
Annie Edison: Have you checked your bag, Shirley? If you took it by mistake, I forgive you.
Britta Perry: If I took it, it's larceny. If you find it under mother hen, it's a mistake.
Shirley Bennett: Mother hen? We're about the same age.
Britta Perry: Sure, unless time is linear.
Shirley Bennett: I'll make your ass linear!
Britta Perry: That doesn't make any sense.
Shirley Bennett: I'll make your ass sense.

"Community: Modern Warfare (#1.23)" (2010)
Abed Nadir: [Hears singing in the distance] Glee club.
Britta Perry: How do you know it's the Glee Club?
Abed Nadir: Listen.
Annie Edison: [Hears them sing a rendition of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar] Oh, brother!
[Gets up]
Annie Edison: That is *so* uninspired!
[Gets shot]
Jeff Winger: I'm not so sure...

[Shirley is "killed" in the paintball battle]
Shirley Bennett: [sadly] I'm going home.
Britta Perry: [sadly] Yes, you are.
Shirley Bennett: No, seriously. I'm going home. Can you help me up?

Britta Perry: Oh my God, you've been hit!
Jeff Winger: What? Oh no!
[checks red stain]
Jeff Winger: Wait, wait... it's blood.
Jeff Winger: I thought it was paint but I'm just bleeding. Talk about luck!

Britta Perry: Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize for you and your boys!
Shirley Bennett: That's nice.
Jeff Winger: Shirley, I'm gonna win that prize, but not for you or your boys!
Shirley Bennett: That's less nice.

Jeff Winger: Don't tell me you had sex with me just to win at paintball.
Britta Perry: No. I had sex with you and I'm going to win at paintball. Don't be gross.

"Community: Politics of Human Sexuality (#1.11)" (2009)
Annie Edison: He's gay now.
Britta Perry: I think he was gay then.

Annie Edison: [looking at the model penis] I had it wrong. Is that considered large?
Britta Perry: [at the same time as Shirley] Yes.
Shirley Bennett: [at the same time as Britta] No.

Gail the School Counselor: I want to focus on the girl who won't say "penis". This is a judgement free zone, so express yourself.
Annie Edison: You know what? I don't want to express myself. I don't want to sit in a room full of people and say... the P-word. I like being repressed. I am totally comfortable being uncomfortable with my sexuality. And maybe, just maybe, if everyone were a little bit more like me, we wouldn't have to have an STD fair!
Britta Perry: You go girl!
Shirley Bennett: That's my pumpkin.
Annie Edison: And by the way, now that I've gotten a good look at one, I don't see what all the fuss is about. Giant thumb in a turtle neck! Woopdie-doo!

Sabrina: "Secretary" is a little degrading to women. I help the dean do office-y things.
Britta Perry: Oh, gender saved.

Dean Pelton: Isn't it great? Greendale is the latest campus to catch a case of *public health fever*.
Britta Perry: You know the toilets in the women's bathrooms don't have seats, right?
Dean Pelton: Because they keep getting stolen. Sabrina, take a note. I want hidden cameras in every stall.
Britta Perry: Problem solved.

"Community: Romantic Expressionism (#1.15)" (2010)
Jeff Winger: She's 18! Her taste in men is still being established. Creepier and creepier dudes will start thinking of her as an option, and it all starts with Vaughn. He's a gateway douche-bag.
Britta: People collide! Things happen. It can't be controlled. Right?
Jeff Winger: And that can be your toast at her shotgun wedding to Star-Burns... oh yeah, turn to your left, turn to your right. Yeah, we can see BOTH of them. It's like a constellation on your face... Oh hey man, what's up?
Star-Burns: [waving] You see that guy over there? He's a douchebag.

Britta: What about Troy?
Annie Edison: The other day after Spanish I thought he was trying to hold my hand, but... he'd just mistaken me for Abed.

Britta: Fine! I cared. I'm a girly girl. I like boys, and I don't like it when they're mean to me, and I don't like it when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends, I'm not that cool, I'm not JUNO, homeslice.
Jeff Winger: This is what this was about for you? You were jealous?
Britta: Oh, please. You can't tell me you weren't jealous that Vaughn had his hippie hands all over your debate-slash-make-out partner.
Annie Edison: What are you insinuating? I took that kiss for the team!
Jeff Winger: What?... yeah. That kiss wasn't for pleasure, it was strategic and joyless.
Annie Edison: What?... yeah.
Troy: You did get weirdly specific describing Annie's body.
Jeff Winger: More specific than the stuff you told me about Britta?
Britta, Annie Edison: What?
Shirley Bennett: Does anyone get specific about me?
Pierce Hawthorne: Check your e-mail.
Shirley Bennett: I mark you as spam.
Pierce Hawthorne: Who the hell is Pam?

Jeff Winger: Crash course in manipulation: you don't tell the person what you want them to do. You help them realize they want to do it. That way it can't be traced back to you.
Britta: Hmm, got it.
[Jeff and Britta walk up to Troy]
Britta: Chemistry, sexy. You know what else it sexy? Annie.
[Jeff rolls his eyes]
Troy: I know chemistry is sexy, but Annie? I don't see it.
Britta: You really don't see how pretty Annie is?
Troy: Maybe it's because I knew her in high school before she dropped out when she still had acne and a pill addiction and a nervous breakdown ending with her running into a plate-glass window screaming "everyone's a robot!"

Britta: We see ourselves as your Greendale parents.
Annie Edison: You're not my mom, Britta. She would never wear boots that go that high. And what about treating me as a friend and an adult?
Britta: Oh, you wanna be treated as an adult and a friend. Then try not stealing your friend's ex-boyfriend. Find your own man.
Shirley Bennett: Ooh!
Annie Edison: But you don't like Vaughn.
Britta: No, I don't. I also don't like seeing him with anyone else. Tada!
Annie Edison: But you said it was okay.
Britta: Fine! I cared. I'm a girly-girl. I like boys and I don't like it when they're mean to me and I don't like it when they stop kissing me and start kissing my friends. I'm not that cool, okay, I'm not Juno, homeslice.

"Community: Intermediate Documentary Filmmaking (#2.16)" (2011)
Britta Perry: Knock Knock.
Pierce Hawthorne: Is that you death?
Britta Perry: It's Britta.
Pierce Hawthorne: Oh.

Britta Perry: [pretending to be Jeff's estranged father] Hi. I'm Jeff's dad. Hi.
Jeff Winger: [pretending to be Britta's dad] Oh, hi Jeff's dad. I'm Britta's dad.
Britta Perry: What? why?
Jeff Winger: I don't know. Got drunk, didn't have a condom, and her mom gets freaky when she hears Oingo Boingo.
Britta Perry: Oh, God, I wish I could relate, but much like my son I'm a closet homosexual.
Jeff Winger: Don't apologize for that. You're talking to the guy that banged Britta's mom. I have NO standards!
Britta Perry: Well, what do you say we take a tumble? I'll put on a wig.
Jeff Winger: That's it, you're under arrest; I'm an undercover cop.
Britta Perry: It's not illegal to be gay.
Jeff Winger: It is here in Iran.
Britta Perry: Not if we're in the Green Zone.
Jeff Winger: That's Iraq, stupid.
Britta Perry: Well, what do I know? I'm Jeff Winger's dumb, gay dad!

Britta Perry: I called everyone here so I could put my house in order. Bequeath parting gifts. Say my final words to each of you.
Jeff Winger: Final word? You're gonna kill us?

LeVar Burton: You know, you are a very generous friend, but really stupid with your money.
Britta Perry: It's not that I am selfish. It's just that I am really stupid with my money which is why I will never have a lot of it and because I am a really generous friend. Problem solved! Dillema deleted! Britta for the win! Thank God, he didn't take it, could you imagine bouncing a check to Kunte Kinte?

"Community: Physical Education (#1.17)" (2010)
Abed Nadir: So you guys are going to "Can't Buy Me Love" me.
Britta Perry: We're going to what?
Abed Nadir: Like the movie "Can't Buy Me Love". You're going to change me from zero to hero, geek to chic.
Troy Barnes: Oh, he means we're going to "Love Don't Cost a Thing" him.
Shirley: Oh!
Troy Barnes: "Can't Buy Me Love" was the remake for white audiences.

Señor Chang: [to Annie] Them I understand, but how did you not think of that?
Annie Edison: I may have been distracted by Britta's pronunciation of the word "bagel."
Señor Chang: How do you say "bagel"?
Britta Perry: I don't.
Señor Chang: Come on.
Britta Perry: Bag-el.
Señor Chang: Ugh. You're the worst.

Britta Perry: He's not sexy. You should be like Jo from "Facts of Life"... but you know, the dude version.

"Community: Urban Matrimony and the Sandwich Arts (#3.11)" (2012)
Britta Perry: Yeah? Well, great. Flowers look good in a pot. There are people dying in Uganda.

Britta Perry: When are we going to outgrow this outmoded concept of marriage?
Annie Edison: What, you're anti-weddings now?
Jeff Winger: No, she's just pro-anti.

Britta Perry: It may surprise you to hear this, but I come from a long line of wives and mothers.
Annie Edison: Many people do.

"Community: Introduction to Finality (#3.22)" (2012)
Britta Perry: Shut up, Leonard, I know about your crooked wang.
Leonard: No such thing as bad press.

Britta Perry: Today is Abed's first therapy session.
Jeff Winger: His what?
Britta Perry: He's been feeling extra vulnerable lately, having lost Troy to the air conditioning repair school, so he's finally going to let me practice my psych skills on him! Give me some credit, Winger. What's the worst that could happen?
Leonard: Classic tee-up.

Britta Perry: Shut up, Leonard. I know about your crooked wan.
Leonard: No such thing as bad press.

"Community: Introduction to Statistics (#1.7)" (2009)
Britta: Nice of you to be here. I'm sure you'd rather be out with your hot professor.
Jeff Winger: Well, it's funny. I enrolled here as a selfish loner, but you and the group have given me a crash course in friendship.
Britta: She blew you off, huh?
Jeff Winger: She's grading papers.
Senor Chang: Professor Slater? She's not grading papers. She's at the faculty party in the cafeteria.
Jeff Winger: Oh, look, it's the eavesdropping matador.
Senor Chang: Are you saying my people are sneaky?

Britta: You're not going to Annie's party?
Jeff Winger: I have a conflict. It conflicts with the enjoyment of my life.

Britta: Whoa. Yippy-ky-ye. I thought you weren't a costume guy?
Jeff Winger: You had to have one to get in here, Squirrel.
Britta: Oh, so where did you get it? 'Cause I wouldn't think any costume stores would be open this late.
Jeff Winger: Well I... I don't know what you're getting at...
Britta: I think the words you're looking for are, "I own a cowboy outfit," and it is tight, too. Did you buy it like that? Your toy gun to my head, I'd say yes.
Professor Michelle Slater: Hi, Michelle Slater, PhD.
Britta: Britta Perry, GED.

"Community: Home Economics (#1.8)" (2009)
Britta Perry: You need to move on with your life.
Jeff Winger: Yeah, Move on with my life? Shmove shmon shmith shmy shmife.

Britta Perry: I was wrong, okay? Material possessions are important. Think how much happier the Jefferson's were than that family on "Good Times".
Jeff Winger: Yeah, but they had good times.

Jeff Winger: You are way out of your element here, aren't you?
Britta Perry: Yes, and I do not believe a single word I am saying for me. But for you? Maybe you're one of those rare people with nothing underneath the surface. Maybe if you put stain remover on a turd, you don't get a diamond. You just get a turd with less direction in life.

"Community: Remedial Chaos Theory (#3.4)" (2011)
Britta Perry: Pizza, pizza, go in tummy, me so hungee, me so hungee!

Shirley Bennett: I can't believe I'm giving pies to a drug addict!
Britta Perry: Drug addict? You're a pie pusher! You push pies to get love!

Abed Nadir: Chaos already dominates enough of our lives. The universe is an endless raging sea of randomness. Our job isn't to fight it, but to weather it together, on the raft of life. A raft held together by those few, rare, beautiful things that we know to be predictable.
Britta Perry: Ropes. Vines. Vines? Let him finish!
Abed Nadir: Us. It won't matter what happens to us as long as we stay honest and accepting of each other's flaws and virtues. Annie will always be driven. Shirley will always be giving. Pearce will never apologize. Britta's sort of a wildcard from my perspective. And Jeff will forever remain a conniving son of a bitch.
[Everybody gasps]
Shirley Bennett: Abed!
Abed Nadir: There's 6 sides to this die, and 7 of us. He devised a system by which he never has to get the pizza.
[Jeff sniggers and the rest of the group send him to get the pizza]

"Community: Pilot (#1.1)" (2009)
Jeff Winger: I'm taking the class as an easy credit. I'm actually a Spanish tutor.
Britta Perry: Oh, really? Say that in Spanish.
Jeff Winger: You duermo tarde Español, una hora mas, no arañes my coche.
[Translation: I sleep late Spanish, one more hour, don't scratch my car]

Britta Perry: So this is a game to you? You put human beings into a state of emotional shambles for a shot at getting in my pants?
Jeff Winger: Why can't you see that for the compliment that it is?

Britta Perry: Shouldn't you be rolling around on a bed covered in test answers?
Jeff Winger: I don't have any of the answers. I'm gonna... I'm gonna flunk the test.
Troy: You should just study for like an hour. It's not that hard.
Troy: You seem pretty smart. You got a sports coat.
Jeff Winger: Eh. Me. Funny thing about being smart is that you can get through most of life without ever having to do any work. So, uh, not really sure how to do that.

"Community: Comparative Religion (#1.12)" (2009)
Shirley: Uh, quick question. Are you all coming to my Christmas party right after the final, or are you stopping home to change into your Christmas outfits?
Annie: [Breaking the silence] I guess I could wear one of my Hanukkah sweaters.
Shirley: Uh, Annie.
Shirley: I didn't know you weren't, uh, Christian.
Annie: Yep. One might even say I'm Jewish.
Shirley: [Faking tolerance] Oh, tha-that's good for you. Tha-that's wonderful. I respect all religions of the world.
Abed: I'm Muslim.
Troy: Jehovah's Witness.
Britta: Atheist.
Shirley: [With raised eyebrows] The Lord is testing me.

Britta: Are we really gonna let religion divide us like this. I think there's one thing we can all agree on.
Abed: I get 72 virgins in heaven.
Britta: No. That we would all like to have Jeff at this party.

Pierce Hawthorne: Where should I put my Buddha incense holder?
Britta: I'm pretty sure that's a bong.

"Community: Anthropology 101 (#2.1)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Everything they do is some sick competition.
Britta Perry: Oh, like you hate competition. How long did it take you to kiss Jeff after I told him I loved him? Oh, that's right. First Vaughn, now Jeff. I better not smile at that wall outlet or you'll fry your tongue off!

Troy Barnes: Abed, Jeff made out with Annie
Abed Nadir: What? When, where?
Britta Perry: [angry] Yeah, where?
Pierce Hawthorne: That's inappropriate. I'm assuming on the mouth.
Annie Edison: It was after the Transfer Dance
Britta Perry: Oh, so I tell you that I love you, and you go outside and stick your tongue into a teenager!

Jeff Winger: Sorry I'm late. I was in my car, loving Britta.
[Jeff and Britta kiss and then look deeply into each other's eyes]
Jeff Winger: I guess I just love you too much
[Annie rocks nervously, a sick look on her face]
Britta Perry: Not half as much as me
Abed Nadir: Jeff do you think you'll marry Britta?
Jeff Winger: I'd like to see someone stop me.
Britta Perry: I just peed a little.
Abed Nadir: [Abed presents them with a ring] Then here, propose.
Britta Perry: [Jeff and Britta both look at the ring and then begin struggling over it] I've got it. I've got it.
[Britta gets the ring and puts it on Jeff's finger]
Britta Perry: Jeff Winger, will you marry me?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, yeah, of course. No problem, no problem.
[Shirley screams in delight and Annie screams in horror]
Abed Nadir: Great, I'll be right back
[Abed rushes out of the room]
Shirley Bennett: [Annie screams again as Jeff and Britta kiss] Thank the Lord you're getting married, I was so worried about your souls ever since you had premarital sex on the table.
Troy Barnes: [Everyone leaps back from the table in disgust] Awesome!
Jeff Winger: You told Shirley?
Shirley Bennett: Well there's no need for secrecy now. It was during the paintball game
Troy Barnes: Was there anything you didn't win that day?
Annie Edison: [Annie runs over and punches Jeff in the face] You slept with her and then kissed me?
Britta Perry: What?
Irish Singer: [Abed enters with an entourage of people carrying a wedding arbor and singing] But she's in so deep/ You know she's such a fool for him/ She's got a ring around her finger ah-ah-ah/ And Abed hired and Irish singer/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying/ Britta's marrying Jeffrey Winger!

"Community: Intro to Felt Surrogacy (#4.9)" (2013)
[the group members are sharing their secrets]
Jeff Winger: I found the perfect girl for me, and then I met her kid.
[the characters break out in song]
Jeff Winger: I said it didn't bother me, but truthfully it did. I promised him I'd make it to a baseball game he had. But I bailed and never called again, and now I'm just exactly like my dad.
Britta Perry: I am an activist, that's always been my choice. Truth is I've never voted, except when I watch The Voice.
Annie Edison: I was struggling in history, I'm normally the best. I let Cornwallis rub my feet to give me all the answers to a test.
Troy Barnes: I caused the Greendale Fire of '03. Fifty-five acres went up in a blaze, all because I burned an ant hill.
Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett: This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt. And now my most terrible secret's out.
Balloon Guide: [in a normal voice] There you are. Come on, guys.
Pierce Hawthorne: [singing] I've never slept with the great Eartha Kitt. We dry-humped inside of her tour bus.
Jeff Winger, Britta Perry, Annie Edison, Troy Barnes, Abed Nadir, Shirley Bennett, Pierce Hawthorne: This secret inside me was trapped beyond a doubt.
Jeff Winger: And now my most terrible secret's out.

Shirley Bennett: Thank you, Jeff. And I don't think you're anything like your father.
Jeff Winger: I don't know how you take care of one kid, let alone three.
Shirley Bennett: Aw, that's nice.
Annie Edison: So nobody thinks I'm a slutty cheater?
The Group: No.
Troy Barnes: Or me as a criminal?
The Group: No.
Britta Perry: Nobody respects me any less as a political activist, right?
Annie Edison: [after a slight pause] Well...
[everyone in the group fall silent, not knowing what to say]
Jeff Winger: [after a longer pause] The level to which we respect you as a political activist has definitely not changed.
Annie Edison: That's how I would say it.
Troy Barnes: Exactly.

"Community: Conventions of Space and Time (#4.3)" (2013)
Britta Perry: Hi, Abed! Just here for my breakfast date with Troy.
Troy Barnes: Good morning, Britta. I haven't seen you for over 12 hours!
Britta Perry: Yeah.
Abed Nadir: I know you two are having sex. I've known for weeks.
Britta Perry: What? Why didn't you say something?
Abed Nadir: I love doughnuts.
[takes the doughnut bag from Britta]

Britta Perry: Jeff, why are people staring at you?
Jeff Winger: 'Cause they've never seen a man who's had sex before?

"Community: Interpretive Dance (#1.14)" (2010)
Shirley Bennett: What is it about being a single white slacker that makes you people so jaded?
Britta Perry: Ooh, you people? What do you mean "you people"? I cannot believe I got to say that.
Shirley Bennett: It's the little things, isn't it?

Britta Perry: Troy and I have something we'd like to tell you.
[takes Troy's hand]
Annie Edison: [gasps]
Britta Perry: Oh, no, no.

"Community: Epidemiology (#2.6)" (2010)
[Rich turns into a zombie]
Rich: [slurred speech] I thought that maybe I was special.
Britta Perry: Special? You're not special! I'm special!
[she pulls up her sleeve to reveal a bite mark on her arm]
Britta Perry: I was bit ten minutes ago and I'm...
[her speech slurs as she turns into a zombie]
Jeff Winger: Oh, great - nobody's special!

[Chang approaches Jeff and Britta dressed as a female figure skater]
Señor Chang: Guess who I am.
Britta Perry: Michelle Kwan?
Señor Chang: Wrong.
Jeff Winger: Kristi Yamaguchi?
Señor Chang: Peggy Flemming. And you have just been proven racist by the racist prover.

"Community: Digital Estate Planning (#3.20)" (2012)
Britta Perry: Pierce. So Gilbert knows a couple tricks. Big deal. We outnumber him. Most importantly, while he's fighting for greed, we're fighting for friendship. Which means we can't lose, okay?
Pierce Hawthorne: Okay.
Britta Perry: Okay!
[Britta strikes and kills Pierce]
Britta Perry: I guess there's no hug button.

Abed Nadir: I'm gonna stay here in the village with Hilda and help her rebuild her life.
Britta Perry: Abed, she's a programme.
Abed Nadir: People have said similar things about me.

"Community: Abed's Uncontrollable Christmas (#2.11)" (2010)
Pierce Hawthorne: Hey! Look what you did to the kid. What's your article gonna be called - "Worst Shrink Ever"?
Professor Ian Duncan: Hey, this is not my fault. This is what Christmas does to people. We put too much meaning into it, and it lets us down.
Jeff Winger: We beg to differ.
Professor Ian Duncan: What are you doing back here?
Troy Barnes: Saving Christmas.
Annie Edison: Everybody, point your magic Christmas weapons at him.
Professor Ian Duncan: Oh, brother. This is ridiculous. You are enabling a delusion.
Jeff Winger: The delusion you're trying to cure is called Christmas, Duncan.
Annie Edison: It's the crazy notion that the longest, coldest, darkest nights can be the warmest and brightest.
Britta Perry: Yeah, and when we all agree to support each other in that insanity, something even crazier happens.
Annie Edison: It becomes true.
Troy Barnes: Works every year. Like clockwork.

Professor Ian Duncan: Try telling that to your catatonic friend.
Shirley Bennett: I got a better idea. Why don't we sing it?
Britta Perry: Wait, what?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, let's not go overboard.
Shirley Bennett: Will you two commit to something for a change?
Jeff Winger: Let's sing it!
Britta Perry: Yeah, let's sing.
Troy Barnes: Can we sing while we blow Duncan away?
Jeff Winger: Absolutely.
[everyone fire their magic weapons at Duncan]
Shirley Bennett: You start, Britta.
[the characters break out in song]
Britta Perry: Christmas time is a time to sing. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison: Christmas can even be a hannukkah thing. That's what Christmas is for.
Shirley Bennett: And for a huge percentage of this God-fearing planet it's about the birth of Jesus Christ.
Jeff Winger: But for the rest of us it's still a good time to remember that it's good to be nice.
Pierce Hawthorne: Music and cookies and liquor and trees. That's what Christmas is for.
Troy Barnes: Video games for two straight weeks. That's what Christmas is for.
Annie Edison: Hanging out with the people you love.
Jeff Winger, Annie Edison: And saying I love you.
Britta Perry: That's what Christmas is...
Shirley Bennett, Britta Perry, Jeff Winger, Troy Barnes, Annie Edison, Pierce Hawthorne: That's what Christmas is... That's what Christmas is for!

"Community: Introduction to Film (#1.3)" (2009)
Britta: Why are you dressed like an 80's rapist?

Britta: Abed, did you do all of that to me on purpose? That's not a very nice way to treat your friends.
Abed: Well, Britta, it isn't called friend business. It's called show business.

"Community: Spanish 101 (#1.2)" (2009)
Britta: A lifetime of disappointments has given me douche-ray vision.

Britta Perry: [refusing Jeff's anniversary card] You're cute, but selfish and narcissistic to the point of near-delusion.
Jeff Winger: [after Britta had left] She said I was cute...

"Community: The First Chang Dynasty (#3.21)" (2012)
Troy Barnes: There is another way in. If I enroll in the a.c. school, they'll help us. We could walk in and out. It'll mean I'll have to move out and into a.c. school housing, and I won't be able to hang out with you guys anymore, or have a relationship, or use the word sensational for some reason.
Britta Perry: Troy, we are not losing you to save the dean, or Greendale, or anything, ever.
Jeff Winger: Don't be so dramatic, Troy. The answer is simple. We just have to plan an elaborate heist.
Britta Perry: Yes!
Pierce Hawthorne: Great, I'll get my turban.
Jeff Winger: Everyone except Pierce has to plan an elaborate heist.

Troy Barnes: Shirley, never change. Or do, if you want, I'm not your boss.
Shirley Bennett: Oh, honey.
[they hug]
Pierce Hawthorne: Never wear a rubber.
Jeff Winger: [shakes hands with Troy] Never listen to Pierce.
Troy Barnes: [Annie hugs him] When you finally finish that jigsaw puzzle, will you tell me what kind of boat is at the end of that dock?
[Annie nods]
Britta Perry: This is a lock of my hair.
Troy Barnes: [in a moved voice] Creepy.
[when Abed comes up to him, Troy whispers something in his ear. Abed nods, and they do their secret handshake]
Murray: All right, let's go.
[Troy exchange a last look with the group before exits after Murray]
Annie Edison: Abed? What did he say to you?
Abed Nadir: He said: "I know you hate it when people do this in movies. Sorry I got emotional."

"Community: Investigative Journalism (#1.13)" (2010)
Britta Perry: Guys! Guys, let's take a vote.
Abed: Secret vote. Everybody cover your eyes.
Annie Edison: We won't know the results.
Abed: Well, say your vote out loud.
Shirley Bennett: We'll know each other's voices.
Pierce Hawthorne: Troy's got a point.

Britta Perry: Vacations are wasted on the young. You guys gotta get out there and see the world at some point, or you're gonna miss your entire lives.
Annie Edison: Where did you go, Britta?
Britta Perry: Amsterdam, I think. I'll know more when I find my camera.

"Community: Regional Holiday Music (#3.10)" (2011)
Britta Perry: I know the stakes aren't really that high, but somehow that just makes it scarier.

Britta Perry: [about when they substituted for the glee club] It was almost like being on Ecstacy, except instead of having pointless conversations and dancing like idiots... Oh, wait, it was exactly like being on Ecstacy.

"Community: Pascal's Triangle Revisited (#1.25)" (2010)
Britta Perry: Jeff doesn't need a girl who doesn't wear underwear because Oprah told her it would spice things up. He needs a girl who doesn't wear underwear because she hasn't done laundry in 3 weeks. He's been to flavor-country. They should retire the table we did it on.

Jeff Winger: More importantly, our very own Britta Perry, it turns out, has been nominated for transfer queen.
Shirley Bennett: Oh, that's nice!
Britta Perry: What the hell is a transfer queen?
Annie Edison: Like prom queen. You wear a sash, and there's a vote. If you win they put a crown on your head. And I am so jealous that I wanna murder you. Aren't you excited?
Britta Perry: No. How did I get nominated?
Shirley Bennett: Don't let it upset you, Britta. It's the last day of the semester. Nothing can ruin that.
Dean Pelton: [popping up in the room] HI!
Jeff Winger: Amazing. He's like an evil genie.

"Community: Heroic Origins (#4.12)" (2013)
Britta Perry: So you're saying we're all connected,like the classic French film trilogy "Bleu, Blanc, Rouge."
Abed Nadir: No, like something more accessible, like "Unbreakable."

Britta Perry: What are you guys doing here?
Jeff Winger: I guess we all *really* wanted yogurt.

"Community: The Science of Illusion (#1.20)" (2010)
Britta Perry: [Pitying herself] Knock, knock. Who's there? Cancer. Oh good, come on in, I thought it was Britta!

"Community: Herstory of Dance (#4.8)" (2013)
Jeff Winger: You're really doing this? Look, as someone who faked being a lawyer for seven years, I appreciate your commitment to the bit, but just admit you were wrong.
Britta Perry: So you can say I Britta'd it?
Jeff Winger: Yes, of course. That goes without saying. But come on, it was a small mistake. Call this off before it becomes a full-scale "Brittastrophe." I coined that.

"Community: Early 21st Century Romanticism (#2.15)" (2011)
Shirley Bennett: We've got to do something about Pierce and those painkillers.
Jeff Winger: He's recovering from broken legs
Troy Barnes: I'll say. He can moonwaaaalk!
Jeff Winger: I'm sure he's almost through his prescription. Besides he's a baby boomer, they invented drugs.
Britta Perry: Yeah, they also invented tv, have you seen him control one of those?
Annie Edison: [pointing at the others] Intervention? Intervention? Intervention?
Jeff Winger: Count me out.
Shirley Bennett: We can't count you out, he listens to you.
Jeff Winger: Well he also listens to the Barenaked Ladies, go get their dumb asses to help you.
Troy Barnes: [everyone gasps in horror] Okay Jeff, you are clearly in a bad space today, but Pierce is our friend, and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum, are you?
Jeff Winger: Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively and how much stuff do we have to go through this year before my friendship stops being questioned?
Annie Edison: Well maybe friendship is about going through a lot of stuff Jeff, and maybe BNL has two Billboard Awards to your zero!
Jeff Winger: Oh, okay, they're BNL now? We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That's how fundamental they are
Abed Nadir: Fundamental.
Jeff Winger: You know what Pierce probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do too.
Britta Perry: [yelling angrily] You know what? Maybe we all need some space, to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid 90s, you selfish, jaded, ass!

"Community: Curriculum Unavailable (#3.19)" (2012)
Britta Perry: Did anybody bring anything that isn't poison? I need to eat natural, organic foods, or I'm never gonna get rid of this hangover.

"Community: The Psychology of Letting Go (#2.3)" (2010)
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] I don't know anything. I need boys. Saving the planet makes my back hurt.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] Oh, I obviously don't need boys for anything. That's why I wear stripper boots during the day and eat only celery and mustard for lunch.
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] I never stop smiling.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] I never start.
Britta Perry: [mocking Annie] My sweaters keep shrinking.
Annie Edison: [mocking Britta] I get up an hour early to ever so slightly curl my hair.
Shirley Bennett: Yeah, you're both so different. Skinny bitches.

"Community: Conspiracy Theories and Interior Design (#2.9)" (2010)
Britta Perry: The perfect Jeff Winger blow-off class: a class that doesn't exist.

"Community: Advanced Gay (#3.6)" (2011)
Troy Barnes: Dude just told his dead dad to suck it!
Britta Perry: So edible!
Minister: You're the worst.

"Community: Debate 109 (#1.9)" (2009)
Pierce Hawthorne: Now I gotta start the whole joke all over again. Okay, so this...
Britta: No!
[slams fist against the table]
Britta: I've got one for you. A doddering, old fool walks into a bar, tells a stupid joke, and I crush his windpipe with my 3-ring binder.
Shirley Bennett: [Giggles]
Shirley Bennett: I don't get it.

"Community: Contemporary American Poultry (#1.21)" (2010)
Britta Perry: I you knew how they treat those animals, you would eat them faster to put them out of their misery, and then you would throw up.

"Community: Basic Genealogy (#1.18)" (2010)
Britta Perry: Troy didn't tell me you were such a knockout.
Nana: What do you mean by that?
Britta Perry: Oh, come on. I'm sure you've broken a few hearts in your time.
Nana: Oh. Tell me, how many men do you think I've laid with?
Britta Perry: [Britta's eyes go wide]
Nana: Who are you?
Britta Perry: I'm Britta and I have offended you and I am sorry. Is there anything I can get you?
Nana: Yes. Get me a switch.
Britta Perry: A what?
Troy Barnes: She's not family, Nana. You can't make her get a switch.
Britta Perry: She can make me get it. I just have to know what it is first.
Troy Barnes: A switch is a stick she can use to whoop you with. Cherish, Britta. Cherish.

"Community: Social Psychology (#1.4)" (2009)
Britta Perry: Besides, arent you like a world class expert in jibber-jabber?
Jeff Winger: I'm a sprinter. I'm best at brief spurts of wit. With Shirley, I couldn't keep up. I'd be winded by that stoner tree.

"Community: Queer Studies & Advanced Waxing (#6.4)" (2015)
Elroy Patashnik: ...They took my snake and they turned it into a plumber. They made the eggs into barrels. The pine tree they made into a gorilla but I recognize my design. Donkey Kong my ass! That's Construction Snake.
Jeff Winger: I don't practice law anymore.
Elroy Patashnik: But we have a case right?
Jeff Winger: Isn't everyone you'd be suing dead?
Elroy Patashnik: That's not cool man.
Britta Perry: Why would a tree throw eggs at a snake?

"Community: Foosball and Nocturnal Vigilantism (#3.9)" (2011)
Britta Perry: I'm volunteering at the animal hospital.
Troy Barnes: [excited] Animal hospital?
Abed Nadir: The animals are the patients.
Troy Barnes: Oh. That makes sense.

"Community: Intro to Knots (#4.10)" (2013)
Jeff Winger: What is this?
Annie Edison: Oh, I know we said no gifts, but I couldn't resist.
Jeff Winger: You realise you've just put your friends in a very awkward position. A gift creates obligation.
Annie Edison: I don't see it that way.
Jeff Winger: Well, I do, and I think the others will too.
Shirley Bennett: [knocks on the door and comes in] Merry Christmas! I know we said no gifts, but I couldn't resist.
Jeff Winger: Oh, who couldn't have seen that coming?
Shirley Bennett: Oh, Annie, I love what you did with the place.
Annie Edison: It's a work in progress.
Troy Barnes: [he and Britta come in] Good tidings, fellow Christmas celebrators. And to all a good wassailing.
Britta Perry: I know we said no gifts, but we couldn't resist.
Jeff Winger: There is a real problem with resistance in this group.

"Community: Beginner Pottery (#1.19)" (2010)
Britta Perry: Looks like someone's mommy gave him too much praise.
Jeff Winger: Man, so did someone's psych teacher.

"Community: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (#2.14)" (2011)
Abed Nadir: An arrow flies through the air over Brutalitops. Goblins are running toward you from the treeline wielding daggers.
Troy Barnes: I attack them using my... additional notes.
Abed Nadir: It has no effect. Britta?
Britta Perry: I wanna know why these goblins are attacking us. Maybe these woods are their rightful land and from their perspective...
[everyone else groans]
Troy Barnes: You're like the AT&T of people!

"Community: For a Few Paintballs More (#2.24)" (2011)
Britta Perry: [after Jeff get shot with a paintball] See you at Denny's?
Jeff Winger: Denny's is for winners.

"Community: Basic Human Anatomy (#4.11)" (2013)
Shirley Bennett: Speaking of tomorrow, Troy and Britta, have you decided what you're gonna do for your one-year anniversary?
Britta Perry, Troy Barnes: Of...?
Annie Edison: Your first date?
Britta Perry: Oh! Kidding.
Troy Barnes: Yeah! That was a test and you failed.
Pierce Hawthorne: You guys are dating? Man. Somebody's sure is working her way around the table.

"Community: Communication Studies (#1.16)" (2010)
Britta Perry: In his defense, Abed's turtle face is really funny.

"Community: Basic Lupine Urology (#3.17)" (2012)
Britta Perry: I transfered, or downloaded, Todd's picture to this computer, and as you can see, by making a few adjustments, I can make the entire image... Old-West color. I don't know, I thought it was cool.

"Community: VCR Maintenance and Educational Publishing (#5.9)" (2014)
[first lines]
Annie Edison: It's settled. The urinals in the women's restroom will be turned into planters. Onto chores. We need some able bodies to clear out a space in the east hall storage room.
Jeff Winger: I'll do it.
Britta Perry: Really?
Jeff Winger: Yeah, Annie always goes from the easiest chores to the hardest.
Shirley Bennett: That's true, isn't it? I'll do it too.
Professor Hickey: Me too.
Annie Edison: Okay, that concludes this meeting.
Shirley Bennett: Oh!
Jeff Winger: Aw, man!
Annie Edison: Nobody picks up on my patterns. What am I gonna say next? Graham cracker! You didn't know.
Jeff Winger: Hey, it's the 'aww' couple!
[Abed and Rachel come in]
Annie Edison, Britta Perry, Shirley Bennett: Aww.

"Community: Paranormal Parentage (#4.2)" (2013)
Britta Perry: Calling for help? A classic... call for help.

"Community: App Development and Condiments (#5.8)" (2014)
Jeff Winger: I'm gonna become a five and expose this thing for the sham it is.
Britta Perry: Oh, now you're speaking my language.
Jeff Winger: That's unintentional, trust me.

"Community: Course Listing Unavailable (#3.18)" (2012)
Britta Perry: Annie has a point. The death of a peer, especially at our age, can trigger a whole range of emotions. As a psychologist...
Jeff Winger: Student.
Britta Perry: ...I hereby offer my licensed...
Jeff Winger: Unlicensed.
Britta Perry: as a grief counsellor.
Jeff Winger: Grief causer.
Britta Perry: If anyone needs to talk, the doctor...
Jeff Winger: Not even close.
Britta Perry: in.

"Community: English as a Second Language (#1.24)" (2010)
Annie Edison: Go ahead! Hate me! It's better than what was going to happen. We were gonna drift apart and you all were too cool to do anything about it.
Britta Perry: Maybe not too cool. Just, you know, not psycho enough.

"Community: Geothermal Escapism (#5.5)" (2014)
Britta Perry: Did you all hit your heads on each other's heads?