Lizzie McGuire
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Quotes for
Lizzie McGuire (Character)
from "Lizzie McGuire: A Gordo Story (#2.26)" (2003)

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"Lizzie McGuire: Rated Aargh (#1.18)" (2001)
[trying to sneak into the rated R movie "Vesuvious: The Eruption"]
Gordo: [whispers to Lizzie and Miranda] Talk like you've just seen the movie.
Gordo: The critics were right! Vesuvious explodes off the screen!
Miranda: Another triumph for Affleck! His love scenes are hotter than lava! Don't hail Ceasar, hail Oscar!
Lizzie: I liked the volcano!
Lizzie: [to Gordo and Miranda] What? I like volcanos!

Lizzie: This is so cool, you guys, we're gonna be on TV.
[in Lizzie's head, on the red carpet]
Animated Lizzie: This could be my big break. Next, I'll be starring opposite Ben Affleck in Vesuvious 2.

Gordo: It's official. We're the only three kids in this school who haven't seen "Vesuvius: The Eruption".
Miranda: Duh. 'Cause it's rated R.
Lizzie: Besides, Gordo, since when do you care what other people do?
Gordo: I don't. I just wanna see the movie. An entire ancient city destroyed by lava. And...
Miranda: ...And Ben Affleck in a doomed love affair.
Lizzie: I know, you're right. It's like the best movie ever made. Why does it have to be rated R?
Gordo: Because of adult situations, mild violence and brief nudity.

Sam McGuire: [about the "miniature golf"] Who won?
[the kids speak at the same time]
Lizzie: Gordo.
Miranda: Lizzie.
Gordo: Miranda.

Lizzie: The sports guy will announce who won the car races, and Gordo's taping it at home, and he doesn't wanna know who the winner is. Right, Gordo?
Gordo: Yeah... I-I love car races.
Sam McGuire: Really, Gordo? I had no idea that you were a racing nut. What are you into? NASCAR? Formula 1?
Gordo: All of them! NASCAR, Formula 1... Formula 2...

Miranda: [walking over to Lizzie, who is putting her notebooks in her locker, with Gordo] Hey.
Lizzie: [turns; closes locker] Oh, hey. I was thinking since we can't go to the movie this weekend, we should go to Mount Rushmore mini golf.
[Gordo makes a face with a sound effect]
Miranda: Miniature golf? Is that the dorkiest thing you can think of? How about the sci-fi convention?
Lizzie: [defiant] Hey, I like miniature golf, okay? You're just still mad about your fourth-grade birthday party when I set the course record for the windmill.
[pictures with sound effect ensue]
Larry Tudgeman: [walking with friend toward the friends' direction] I can't believe I'm saying this, but Vesuvius is actually better than Star Wars.
[turns to his locker]
Friend: I've seen it four times. And I still can't figure out how they do that thing with the lava.
Larry Tudgeman: [looks sideways with a sly look on his face] I'm not watching the lava. I'm watchin' the slave girls.
Friend: Yeahhhhh.
[Larry then turns to Lizzie]
Larry Tudgeman: Ooooh, Lizzie.
[growls; Lizzie is grossed out]
Gordo: Okay, new plan. We tell our parents we're going miniature golfing when instead, we go and see Vesuvius.
Lizzie: [incredulous] Okay, so you're telling me to lie to my parents?
Gordo: No, I'm asking you to make a last-minute change in plans in advance.
Miranda: Mmmhmmm. That sounds reasonable to me.
Lizzie: [slight nod, haltingly] Okay. I'll try. But I don't think it's gonna work.

[slides into kitchen, looking cautiously at her mom and then slides back out of view, scared]
Animated Lizzie: [hiding behind a huge banana in a fruit basket] This is never gonna work.
Lizzie: [slides back; bravely walks to her mom] Mom? Can I ask you something?
Animated Lizzie: [now behind an orange and banana in the oversized basket and next to an apple] This is never gonna work!
Jo McGuire: Sure, Sweetie. What's up?
Lizzie: Uh, can I go play miniature golf with Gordo and Miranda this weekend?
Animated Lizzie: [shaking head, now on edge of bowl in the front, eyes wide] This is never gonna work!
Jo McGuire: [uppity] Sure. That sounds fun.
Animated Lizzie: What?
[slides out of bowl and puts arms up in questioning stance and Lizzie excitedly toddles out of the room]


"Lizzie McGuire: Just Friends (#2.8)" (2002)
Ethan: I really like you Lizzie. But, I feel that there is no... oh, shoot, what's that subject in high school that I'm never gonna pass?
Lizzie: Chemistry?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: He hasn't cracked. He's just excited about the Sadie Hawkins dance. And since the girls ask the guys, this is his big chance.
Lizzie: Okay, but does he actually think that Kate is gonna ask him?
Lizzie: Okay, he's cracked.

Lizzie: So, I've been practicing my speech to ask Ethan out. You be Ethan, okay?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [imitates Ethan] Yo, Lizzie!
[looks away with an empty face while Lizzie continues to speak]
Lizzie: So, Ethan, the Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up soon.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: My cousin had a hamster named Joely!

Lizzie: Okay, Gordo, stop! This is serious.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Sorry, go ahead.
Lizzie: So, if... no one's asked you yet, I was wondering if you might wanted to go with me?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Look at the noise I can make!
[makes fart noises with his mouth]

Lizzie: Ethan! How is it going?
Ethan: Lizzie, Lizzie, Lizzie. My day is proceeding with fineness!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [about Ethan] He does like you! He just, you know, doesn't like you, like you.
Lizzie: Why not? I mean, I'm decent looking.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're very pretty.
Lizzie: I'm a nice person.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're a great person!
Lizzie: And I'm wild and unpredictable.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're... a great person.

Lizzie: Life's unfair.
Matt McGuire: You said it, sister. You said it.


"Lizzie McGuire: A Gordo Story (#2.26)" (2003)
Lizzie McGuire: Is there anything Ethan can't do?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, count past ten without taking his shoes off.

Lizzie McGuire: What do you do when the person with the answers is the person with the problem?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: I like who I am. I just wanna be taller.
Lizzie McGuire: And I like who I am, but I'd like to be Britney Spears. But it's not gonna happen.

Lizzie McGuire: Gordo, you're smart, and you're funny, and a little weird sometimes. But I wouldn't like you any other way.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Thanks.
[they hug]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: So, you wanna go to the dance with me?
Lizzie McGuire: Actually, no, I don't really date guys with... blue eyes.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I see.
[hits her playfully with a pillow]
Lizzie McGuire: ...but I guess just this once, I'll make a little exception.
[hits him back with the pillow]

Parker McKenzie: I think I came to the dance with the wrong person.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Really? 'Cause I didn't.
Lizzie McGuire: [animated version] Gordo two - Parker zip.


"Lizzie McGuire: First Kiss (#2.1)" (2002)
[on the phone with Miranda, paperboy next to her]
Lizzie: Are you listening to me?
Ronny Jacobs: I'm sorry, I forgot to turn off my ears.

Lizzie: Look around, Gordo. Notice anything.
Gordo: Yeah. Everyone's paired off. It's like Noah's Arc, but with fluorescent lighting.

Lizzie: [talking to her boyfriend, Ronnie on the phone] No, you hang up first, you first...
[Miranda clicks the phone off and Lizzie says to Miranda]
Lizzie: HEY!
Miranda: Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were talking to me!

Lizzie: Ronnie broke up with me.
Gordo: He's a loser.
Lizzie: No, Gordo. I'm the loser. Okay? He likes another girl. She's probably prettier than me, she's probably smarter than me, and she's probably a lot more fun than I am.
Gordo: No, she's not.
Lizzie: How do you know?
Gordo: Because there's nobody prettier than you, or more fun to be with.
Lizzie: You forgot smarter.
Gordo: Yeah, well, I was including myself in that one.


"Lizzie McGuire: Night of the Day of the Dead (#1.24)" (2001)
[Lizzie wants Gordo to help her clean the janitor's closet so Kate will allow to play Vampira in the Hallowe'en Fright Night but he is very reluctant]
Gordo: Why on Earth would I participate in that?
Lizzie: Because my cousin Heather's coming into town again this summer and I'm gonna get her to go out with you.
Gordo: Quit your yappin'. We've got work to do.

Lizzie: Here, it's a... caterpillar.
[handing Matt a balloon]
Matt McGuire: This is a lame balloon animal.
Lizzie: Oh, sorry, let me fix it...
[cracks the balloon]
Lizzie: There, now it's extinct.

Lizzie: [as a zombie clown, takes rubber dagger] Rubber, bad.
[drops it, picks up a plastic mace]
Lizzie: Mace, good!
[swings it at Kate]

Kate Sanders: [locking themselves in the janitor's closet] Okay, Lizzie is WAY out of line.
Miranda Sanchez: She's not Lizzie right now! The spirits of the dead have taken over her body!
Lizzie: [banging on door, demonic voice] Kate! Kaaaate!
Miranda Sanchez: And they're using Lizzie for, for revenge. They're mad because you called the Day of the Dead artifacts stupid, and shoved them off a little corner!
Kate Sanders: Dumb Kate, dumb, dumb!
Lizzie: [rattles door] Kaaaate!
Kate Sanders: Can't we stop her?
Miranda Sanchez: I think I remember my grandmother talking about ways to beg the spirits for forgiveness. We need a handful of cemetery dirt and a bucket full of blood.


"Lizzie McGuire: Random Acts of Miranda (#1.14)" (2001)
Lizzie: Miranda's in love with acting! Maybe when she's around thirty, she can play a teenager on Dawson's Creek.

Lizzie: I can only come to the conclusion that Miranda...
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Stinks, like a cabdriver's armpit?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: So how is the review coming?
Lizzie: Mm. Great. Just great.
[handing over her notebook]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [reading] "Review by Lizzie McGuire. Scranton." Hm, Scranton. That, uh... that really says it all. I probably would've gone with Pittsburgh, but you know me. I overstate things.

Lizzie: I hate this! She's showing me how to be a better friend to Miranda, and she doesn't even know she's doing it! I think mom might be a witch.


"Lizzie McGuire: My Dinner with Dig (#2.32)" (2003)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Lizzie's mom is a great cook, way better than my mom. Why do you think I spend so much time at your house?
Lizzie McGuire: [hurt] Uh... the company?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Compared to the goodies, the company is secondary.
Lizzie McGuire: [as animated version] If I didn't like him so much, I'd hate him.

Lizzie McGuire: [as animated version] Did I just invite Mr. Dig to dinner? But you're not supposed to see your teachers outside of school! It's like seeing Santa in blue jeans.

Lizzie McGuire: Okay, so even though Mr. Dig is my favorite sub, I should never have invited him to dinner. But since I did, you guys have to be on your best behavior.
Sam McGuire: Does it mean I shouldn't sing?
Jo McGuire: Oh, I love it when he sings!
Lizzie McGuire: Since when do you sing, Dad?
Sam McGuire: Well, rarely, because I'm always on my best behavior.

Lizzie McGuire: This is not helping, you guys.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: This situation is beyond help.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah, we are pretty much doomed.


"Lizzie McGuire: I Do, I Don't (#1.10)" (2001)
Gordo: Trash is gold, stinky gold but gold nonetheless.
Lizzie: Whatever.
Gordo: C'mon, Lizzie, gimme a hand here. You want the perfect marriage but you've been making zero effort.
Lizzie: Gordo, quit nagging me!
Gordo: Nagging you? I wouldn't have to nag you if you paid attention to me!
Lizzie: Yeah, I would listen to you if you talked about something other than garbage!
Gordo: Like what?
Lizzie: Miranda and Ethan.
Gordo: Hmm.
[he nods. He looks a little hurt and rejected]

[at the mock 20th anniversary reunion, Lizzie is dressed in a suit while Gordo is wearing a garbageman's uniform]
Lizzie: I can't believe you're wearing that!
Gordo: I'm a trashman. I'm proud of where I come from.
Lizzie: Don't you care if we win?
Gordo: No, I don't. Not any more. I care that ever since we got married, you've just seemed annoyed by me. I care that I feel like my best friend is taking me for granted.

[Lizzie is jealous because in a mock marriage arrangement in social studies class, Miranda has been paired with Ethan Craft while she is paired with Gordo. Her "husband" is telling her about the trash empire he plans to create but she is too busy looking at Miranda and Ethan. Gordo realises this and becomes annoyed]
Gordo: You know, Lizzie, I know we're best friends, but sometimes it feels like you take me for granted...
[she still doesn't pay attention to him]
Gordo: ...like now!
Lizzie: What?
Gordo: [annoyed] How do you think that makes me feel? We've been married less than a period and you're already jealous of someone else's husband!

Gordo: [on the phone with the girls] My trash empire could have been something big.
[the girls snort and hang up on him]
Gordo: Hello? Hello?
Lizzie, Miranda Sanchez: Guys.
Gordo: Chicks.


"Lizzie McGuire: Misadventures in Babysitting (#1.8)" (2001)
Lizzie: When will I be old enough to trust? When I'm 50?
Sam McGuire: Maybe. We'll see.

[Lizzie is babysitting Matt. Gordo is also there but is not being much help]
Lizzie: You didn't come here just to watch TV on the couch!
Gordo: Fine, I'll watch TV in your room!

Lizzie: Okay, Gordo. Imagine that you live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everybody's predictable.
Gordo: I do live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everyone's predictable, thank you.

Lizzie: Matt, go upstairs, change your shirt and get cleaned up. Now!
Matt McGuire: No!
Miranda: See?
Lizzie: Zip it!
Miranda: Why should I? He won't!
Lizzie: Matt. Starting right now, you do everything I tell you! Or I'll tell Mom and Dad.
Matt McGuire: Na-ah. You want Mom and Dad to think you're a good babysitter. So you're gonna say things went great.
Lizzie: Then I'll squash you like a bug instead!
Matt McGuire: Then I'll tell Mom and Dad. Face it, I'm in charge here.
Lizzie: No. I am in charge here!
Gordo: Matt, what do you say we go upstairs and find you a clean shirt.
Matt McGuire: Okay.


"Lizzie McGuire: The Untitled Stan Jansen Project (#1.22)" (2001)
[a filmmaker named Stan Jansen is filming a documentary at Hillridge Junior High School. Lizzie and Miranda are excited about it but Gordo is very cynical]
Gordo: It's gonna be the same sugar-coated, ain't-life-grand junior high school documentary that we've seen thousands of times before!
Lizzie: What's your point, Gordo? We're gonna be on TV!

Miranda: [after Stan Jansen talks to Gordo] Gow did you do that?
Gordo: I don't know.
Lizzie: Yeah, Gordo. Looks like you are the King Kong of this monkey house.

Jo McGuire: [after Lizzie tells her she had a fight with her friends] So, what was the secret?
Lizzie: Oh, that I... I had a crush on Gordo in the fourth grade.
Jo McGuire: I KNEW it!

Gordo: So did you really have a crush on me in the fourth grade?
Lizzie: I was young. I didn't know any better.


"Lizzie McGuire: Bad Girl McGuire (#1.11)" (2001)
Lizzie: [to Gordo and Miranda at the detention hall] Isn't this the part where you're supposed to offer me comfort, guidance, I mean, anything? I am about to get killed!

[Lizzie is a little frustrated that she is constantly viewed as just being a good girl]
Lizzie: Hey, I'm not such a good girl all the time. Am I?
Gordo: Sorry, Lizzie, but you're kinda the good girl prototype.

Angel Lieberman: Hey, Frizz, did you get the answers for the test from Gor-dork?
Lizzie: A: My name is "Lizzie, not "Frizz!" B: Gordo's no dork, he is one of my best friends, and C: I don't cheat!

Matt: You're really dumb.
Lizzie: Sometimes it might seem that way.
Matt: No, you really are.


"Lizzie McGuire: Bye, Bye Hillridge Junior High (#2.24)" (2003)
Lizzie: Mom, I don't have time for this! Yearbooks come out today and I'm gonna have to write "You rock, don't ever change" like 800 times.
Lizzie: [voiceover] Only most of these people *don't* rock and I think they *should* change. Does that make me a bad person?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [looking in the yearbook] Hey, look, it's... Oh. Whatever.
Lizzie: What? Where?
[sees her own picture]
Lizzie: Uh! On the floor?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Uh...
Lizzie: Great. It's imprinted what a klutz I am.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, no one falls to the floor quite as gracefully as you.
Lizzie: [smiles] Thanks.

Lizzie: You know, I didn't think about how scary high school was gonna be.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: But you'll always have your friends.
Lizzie: Except when we're fighting.
[flashback to a "catfight" between Lizzie and Miranda]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, and we did a lot of that. But whenever it got bad between the three of us, we always forgave each other.
[flashback to a moment where the three of them ride toward and forgive each other]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: And who else could help bring me back from the dark side?
[flashback to an especially obsessed Gordo, who is intervented by Lizzie, Miranda and Matt]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Or dived in front of paint for someone?
[flashback to when Lizzie dived in front of Miranda and took a lot of paint on her body]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're a good friend, Lizzie. You're even good to your enemies. And a person who would support me when I was trying to discover who I am... Lizzie, you're just great. And I'm very lucky to have a friend like you. Look, Lizzie... We got through middle school together, and we'll get through high school together. Don't worry about these stupid rules, or cheerleaders, or trying to find your classes... Don't worry. I've got your back, McGuire.
[Lizzie gives him a big smile]

[last lines]
Lizzie: Gordo, promise that we'll always stay close to each other, even in high school.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.
Photographer: One... two... three!
[takes the picture. We then get a close up on the class photo, where Lizzie kisses Gordo on the cheek]


"Lizzie McGuire: Aaron Carter's Coming to Town (#1.7)" (2001)
[Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda are planning to sneak into the warehouse where Aaron Carter's video is being shot]
Lizzie: Remember, act like you own the place.
Miranda: [excited] Aaron Carter walked on this ground! I'm never wearing these shoes again!
[she takes off her shoes]
Gordo: That's not acting like you own the place!

Lizzie: [after falling over in the cafeteria and spill all her food] Forget lunch! Forget eating!
Miranda: The cafeteria food is not that bad.
Gordo: You know, you could save that stuff on your shirt for later.

Lizzie: Who are you going as? Santa Claus?
Matt McGuire: No.
Lizzie: [watching Matt pulling stuff out of his bag] Those are my pants!
Matt McGuire: I'm going as Aaron Carter.
[puts on a blonde wig]

Lizzie: Aaron Carter's personal pass?
Gordo: How are we gonna get Aaron Carter's personal pass?
Miranda: [holds it up] Aaron Carter's personal pass!
Gordo: Then I guess this must be Aaron Carter's dressing room. Again, this would be a lot more exciting if I was a thirteen-year-old girl.


"Lizzie McGuire: Gordo and the Girl (#1.19)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: Hello! Hi there! Hey! I'm your best friend, remember? Over here! Oh, crud... It's useless.

Lizzie McGuire: [to Miranda] See, here's the part that get me all confutious... Not that Gordo has a girlfriend - but that Gordo is somebody's boyfriend!

Miranda Sanchez: Does he honestly think we don't know? We saw them kissing!
Lizzie McGuire: Maybe they were just talking really close.
Miranda Sanchez: That wasn't talking.
Lizzie McGuire: Maybe she had a smudge on her mouth, or something...
Miranda Sanchez: That he was trying to get off with his lips?

Lizzie McGuire: This is the longest I've ever gone without talking to Gordo since he deliberately smushed my brownie in the third grade.
Miranda Sanchez: How long did the fight last then?
Lizzie McGuire: Until the bus ride home.


"Lizzie McGuire: Bunkies (#2.25)" (2003)
Sam McGuire: [after a pipe in Matt's room bursts, he has to sleep in Lizzie's room] Well where do you expect him to sleep Lizzie; to curl up on the floor?
Lizzie: Of course not on the floor, there's room in the closet.

Lizzie: Get that poster off of there!
Matt: But it's Weird Al! He's WAY cool!
Lizzie: Yeah, but if he keeps bothering me, he's going to come down as Shredded Al. You got that?

Matt: Mom, Lizzie turned off my alarm.
Lizzie: I don't like alarms, they wake me up!


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie's Nightmares (#1.15)" (2001)
Lizzie: I've made a decision. I'm not going to let my little brother ruin what's otherwise the greatest day of my entire life.
Gordo: What's so great about it?
Lizzie: Tell him, Miranda.
Miranda: Two words, Gordo.
Gordo: If you say "Ethan Craft," I swear I'm gonna hurl!
Miranda: Fine. In that case, I'll say one word: "lunch."
[Gordo pretends to start vomiting. Lizzie and Miranda walk off. Gordo just shakes his head]

[Lizzie is about to have lunch with Ethan Craft. Gordo thinks that she is making too much of it]
Gordo: Okay, I wasn't going to say anything but I think you need to hear this. The fact that you care so much about sitting with Ethan is kinda pathetic. So he's popular and maybe he's good-looking: so what? Who you are is way more important than who you sit with at lunch.
Lizzie: You done?
[he nods. It is clear that what he has just said had no effect whatsoever. She is just as excited and hugs Miranda]
Lizzie: Gotta go!
[she runs off. Gordo looks a little frustrated]

Lizzie: But he doesn't belong here.
Principal Tweedy: No. He belongs in the gifted program.


"Lizzie McGuire: Rise and Fall of Kate (#2.4)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: [animated] The cheerleading table is like the Oscars. You only go if you are nominated.

Lizzie McGuire: I hate this! Claire is ten times worse than Kate.
Miranda Sanchez: I know, it's like, "Kate: The Sequel".
Gordo: Yeah, like one of those monster movies where you think you've just destroyed the monster, but it wasn't really the monster. It was just the baby monster, and then the monster mom comes back and she is not happy.

Kate Sanders: Why do you guys wanna help me?
Lizzie McGuire: 'Cause everybody needs a friend, Kate.
Miranda Sanchez: And you obviously don't have any.
Gordo: And we don't wanna be them, so we gotta get your old ones back.


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie's Eleven (#2.21)" (2003)
Lizzie McGuire: [wears a rat nose and crawls around on the ground] Go ahead, Gordo. Say it. Just get it over with!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Fine, here it goes. I think that the Diamondbacks are overrated, I mean, sure they have the best pitching money can buy, but other than that, they're a bunch of banjo hitters and journeymen.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: Who cares about being in the yearbook? Talk about pointless.
Lizzie McGuire: Um... I seem to remember last year, you tried to be most photographed student, Gordo.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Oh, no, no, no. That was just to see if I could do it. You know, like staying up for twenty-four hours in a row, or making the world's biggest meatball.

Lizzie McGuire: [as animated version] Pictures fade and they get torn and stuff spills on it and your hair kinda looks really dorky. But memories last forever.


"Lizzie McGuire: Just Like Lizzie (#2.14)" (2002)
[Matt can't think of anything to get a badge in for Scouts and could face a demotion]
Lizzie: I bet you could get a badge in ugly.
Matt: I'm sure I could.
Lizzie, Matt: Did I just agree with an insult?

Lizzie: Andie... you're dressed exactly like me!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Isn't it great?
Lizzie: [as animated version] Imposter, what have you done with MY Gordo?

[last lines]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You'll never figure out who you are if you're busy trying to be someone else.
Lizzie: Oh, Gordo's back! Yay!
[hugs him]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah. I liked two Lizzies, but two Kates... That's scary.


"Lizzie McGuire: Party Over Here (#2.18)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: I would not go to this party if it was the last party on Earth.
Student: Last year, she gave us cell phones in the goodie-bags.
Lizzie McGuire: [screams lowly, suddenly excited] I am so there!
Miranda Sanchez: Uh, me too!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Wait, did that include long distance?
Student: Duh!

Lizzie McGuire: She started with my full name and ended with: "Why can't you just enjoy your childhood?" Fill in the blanks.
Miranda Sanchez: Uh! My mom gave me: "I don't agree with Kate's mom on how to raise children." Raise! Like we're chickens or something!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: My mom said it was okay.
Lizzie McGuire, Miranda Sanchez: Uh, what?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Uh, it's depressing, really. You know, my parents think I'm so good I can never get into trouble?
Miranda Sanchez: Yes!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I can make trouble! I have a dark side.
[Lizzie smiles skeptically]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I can disrespect the common areas. I can act with outregard for the safety of others! Hm-m.
[throws his soda can backwards, high up the air. It lands on a student's head]
Student: Ow!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Oh, oh! I'm so sorry!
[turns to Lizzie and Miranda, who are beyond surprised]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Sorry, yet bad.
[turns back to the student]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Here, let me get you a towel!
[tries to wipe the student's head with the towel, but the student escapes]

Lizzie McGuire: Why should we have to suffer to exercise our constitutional rights to pursuit of happiness? It's simply un-American!


"Lizzie McGuire: Obsession (#1.16)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: [about Miranda's jacket] It's leather. Leather is cow, cow is meat! I don't eat meat.
Miranda Sanchez: Fine! So don't eat my jacket.

Miranda Sanchez: Lizzie, you're totally overreacting!
Lizzie McGuire: I'm overreacting? Tell me that I'm overreacting when the garbage builds up so high that it blocks out all the sunlight, and we freeze.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah? Well, at least I'll have my jacket to keep me warm!

Lizzie McGuire: I'm really sorry you didn't win the race, Gordo.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, me too. If I hadn't stayed up all night creating my aerodynamic collar, I wouldn't have fallen asleep. I might've won. There's probably a lesson in there somewhere, but I'm just too tired to find it.


"Lizzie McGuire: Last Year's Model (#1.23)" (2001)
Lizzie: Bark! Bark like dogs! I said bark!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: But I spent 3 hours on it.
Lizzie: So, spend 4. Make it more... fun.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Fun? "Lord of the Flies" is about shipwrecked children eating each other!

Lizzie: Hey, mom, can I be a model?
Matt McGuire: Sure! And I can be president of the moon.
Lizzie: Fine, as long as you move there.


"Lizzie McGuire: Inner Beauty (#2.16)" (2002)
Miranda: How come no one ever told me I had, like, six chins!
Lizzie: Because you only have one?

Lizzie: What are you staring at?
Matt McGuire: Watch a real artist at work.
Lizzie: Whatever you're doing - stop.
[Matt starts to draw at super speed. Lizzie looks weirdly at him, while Gordo snorts]
Matt McGuire: Behold.
[shows his quick work, which is very good]
Matt McGuire: I call this one... "Girl who Makes Me Hurl".
[Gordo laughs]
Lizzie: Well, I call this one "A Brother About to Run for His Life"!
[chases Matt]

David 'Gordo' Gordon: Look, I know that magazines these days are telling girls to get thinner, and telling me I have to be more muscular, and for whatever reason, Miranda's buying into, and I'm not. Uh, I'm not saying that you are, of course, you see, I just think that you have a better handle at this situation than I have, which is why I think you should talk to her.
Lizzie: Gordo, wait.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: What?
Lizzie: Okay, I wanna talk to her just as bad as you do. Okay? In fact, we're going to the mall tomorrow, I'll talk to her then.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Wo... That's... that's great. Because I-I think she needs to know that we're her friends, and if she ever, ever needs anyone to talk to, that we're her go-to-peeps, through thick, through thin, we'll always be there! And I gotta tell you, that the whole idea of you talking to her is a HUGE relief, 'cause frankly, I have no idea what to say.
[Lizzie looks a little off, but claps him on his back, trying to comfort him]


"Lizzie McGuire: Clue-Less (#2.23)" (2003)
Ethan's Stepmom: Oo! I found a clue, I found a clue! I found a shoe!
Ethan Craft: Uhh, Tonni. That's your shoe.
Lizzie McGuire: [animated Lizzie] Oh, no. Ethan's the smart one in his family.

Lizzie McGuire: I didn't know it until I found this thousand-pound note.
Ethan Craft: That little piece of paper weighs a thousand pounds?
Larry Tudgeman: No, it's British money. A pound is like a dollar. Why am I even bothering to explain this?

Matt McGuire: Don't anybody touch anything! I am Inspector Pratt and I am here to inspect!
Lizzie McGuire: Matt, what are you doing here?
Matt McGuire: I just wanted to see who croaked dad!
Lizzie McGuire: Well, you can do that somewhere else, like in the Sahara Desert?
Matt McGuire: Mom!
Jo McGuire: Lizzie, let your bother play.
Lizzie McGuire: Ow!
Matt McGuire: I think I'll go study this in the parlor.


"Lizzie McGuire: Over the Hill (#2.11)" (2002)
[It's 2036. Lizzie winded up being a waitress at a drive-through, while Gordo drives by in his limo, being a famous film director]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Did she say her name was Lizzie? Didn't I used to know a girl named Lizzie?
Assistant: No.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: No.
Lizzie McGuire: [knocking on car window] Gordo! Gordo, remember me, Lizzie? Lizzie McGuire!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [pauses] Nah. Fry me.
[gets some French fries from his assistant]

Lizzie McGuire: This is so silly, isn't it? I can't pick my future out of a hat!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Glad I didn't have to tell you.

Lizzie McGuire: You've got your movies, and you've got your music. You guys are set for the rest of your lives.
Miranda Sanchez: The rest of our lives? Lizzie, I may never be a professional musician.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Exactly. She may never be a professional musician.
Miranda Sanchez: No! You're supposed to say: "I may never be a professional director."
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Are we here to talk crazy, or are we here to help Lizzie?


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie in the Middle (#2.15)" (2002)
Matt McGuire: Pleeeeeaaaasssseee!
Lizzie McGuire: OK! Fine.
Matt McGuire: Thanks. I'll have my people call your people. Wait, I am your people! This is so great!

Lizzie: Mom, Dad this is...
Matt: Frankie! Hey mind if I call you "F"? I'm Matt McGuire, you can just call me Matt McGuire. I'm head of Lizzie's entorage. If you need anything and I mean anything at all just let me know.
[winks]
Frankie Muniz: You guys look nothing alike.
Lizzie, Matt: Thank you.

Miranda Sanchez: So how was your summer?
Frankie Muniz: Well, I finished my series, read a few movie scripts, and bought a car. How 'bout you guys?
Lizzie: Um... Well, I-I... Um...
Miranda Sanchez: Well, I started to, uh...
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I broke my toe!


"Lizzie McGuire: Dear Lizzie (#2.22)" (2003)
Gordo: Dear Lizzie- I think I may like my best friend as... more then a friend. What do I do? Signed, Confused Guy.
Lizzie: Dear Confused- I wish I could tell you what to do, but, I can't. All I can say is, follow your heart. It'll tell you what's right.

Lizzie: You're looking at the school's new advice columnist, Gordo.
Gordo: You? You don't give advice, you take it!
Lizzie: [as animated version] Oh, I've got plenty of advice. Just none that I can say out loud.
[back to reality]
Lizzie: Oh, but that's where you're wrong. And my first piece of advice is for you to let me have the job, because if I don't take it, Ms. Dew will.
Gordo: [quickly] You're hired.


"Lizzie McGuire: I've Got Rhythmic (#1.5)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: English test grades are up.
Miranda: Another B?
Lizzie McGuire: What else?
[Gordo turns his camera from Miranda to her]
Lizzie McGuire: I'm so sick of getting B's! I want an A at something.
Gordo: You can be an actress. You look pretty good through the camera.
Lizzie McGuire: You think?
Gordo: Sure.
[Lizzie takes a pirouette in front of camera]
Miranda: Cool.
[Lizzie stumbles on her bag and falls over]
Gordo: Or a stunt woman.

Miranda: Woah! You look like Neve Campbell at the end of "Scream".
Lizzie McGuire: Which is pretty good, compared to how I feel.


"Lizzie McGuire: You're a Good Man, Lizzie McGuire (#2.13)" (2002)
[Lizzie is hiding a decapitated school statue]
Miranda Sanchez: Why don't you tell them Kate broke it?
Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: Because middle school doesn't have a witness protection program.

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: Okay, Gordo, what's the plan?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I told you the plan, but you didn't like the plan.
Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: But you always have a plan!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I did! It was Canada!


"Lizzie McGuire: Scarlett Larry (#1.26)" (2001)
[on a date at a science museum with a boy she's not interested in]
Lizzie McGuire: Larry, you have all this knowledge, and you express yourself so well.
Larry Tudgeman: Well, I'm very intrigued by the world around me. Hey look, Lizzie - the mitral valve.
Animated Lizzie: Very icky interests, but the thing about Tudgeman is, for a dork, he's got a lot of self-confidence.
Larry Tudgeman: See, I like what I like, and I don't worry about what other people think. I mean, boybands are a trend, but the circulatory system is forever.

Miranda Sanchez: Have you lost your mind? She can't go out with Larry Tudgeman. Tudgeman!
Lizzie McGuire: Miranda, it's just one dumb date!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: One dumb date for Lizzie, but it's one giant date for every boy who has ever been dissed by a girl.


"Lizzie McGuire: The Greatest Crush of All (#2.28)" (2003)
Lizzie McGuire: I need your help.
Gordo: You sure do. Your date is a little underdressed.
[points to Fredo the chimpanzee]

Lizzie McGuire: Did you hear that, Miranda? He was afraid I wasn't gonna make it.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah. Big - whoop.


"Lizzie McGuire: Between a Rock and a Bra Place (#1.12)" (2001)
Lizzie: I WANT A BRA OK! WE, WE WANT A BRA!

[the gang are talking on the phone]
Lizzie: I can't believe you spent all afternoon with Matt and my dad.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Hey, Matt and your dad are pretty cool. We made a kung fu movie, and considering the alternative, I'd say it was a good choice.
Lizzie: Well, I don't think we'll have any girl only shopping trips for quite a while.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah, Gordo, it's safe to go with us to the mall again.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Cool. But when you start talking about shopping for school supplies, let me know when you mean school supplies or... school... supplies.
[Lizzie and Miranda laughs]


"Lizzie McGuire: Sibling Bonds (#1.17)" (2001)
Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: You little weasel. I'll teach you to make fun of me.
Matt McGuire: Oh, I don't have to be taught, I already know how.
[imitates Lizzie]
Matt McGuire: 'Oh, I'm Lizzie! Notice me!'

Matt McGuire: Come on, let's go watch the golf.
Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: No! I can't. I just told Ethan that I had to stay in here for a while. If I go out there, he'll think I'm a complete baboon.
Matt McGuire: Trust me, there's a million other reasons for him to think you're a complete baboon.


"Lizzie McGuire: Gordo and the Dwarves (#1.27)" (2001)
[as animated Lizzie]
Lizzie McGuire: [looks at an "x-ray" of Gordo's head] Yikes! Okay, I see what the problem is. Gordo died a few weeks ago and didn't bother to tell us.

Lizzie McGuire: We just don't want you to play "Dwarflord" anymore. Okay? It's taken over your life.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: It has not.
Miranda Sanchez: Uh, has so!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I sware on the sacred shield of O.N. Thundereater, it has not!
[Lizzie and Miranda look at him]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Alright, maybe that didn't sound so good.


"Lizzie McGuire: Working Girl (#2.5)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: I just hate running to them for every little thing...
Miranda: [notices the "busboy wanted" sign] Lizzie, you could get a job!
Lizzie McGuire: ...right at the mall, and I want a pair of jeans, I wanna buy them...
Miranda: Lizzie, you could get a job!
Lizzie McGuire: I need independence and freedom.
[Gordo also notices the "busboy" sign]
Lizzie McGuire: No, they won't let me have that...
Gordo: Lizzie, you could get a job!
[Miranda rolls her eyes]
Lizzie McGuire: A job? That's a great idea.
[Miranda now looks stated]
Lizzie McGuire: What a great idea, I could get a job!
[Miranda puts her head down her arms, completely resigned]
Lizzie McGuire: Oh, I'm sorry... What were you saying to me, Miranda?
Miranda: Huh? Oh, no, I think getting a job is a great idea.

Gordo: So, when do you start?
Lizzie McGuire: I start tomorrow.
Miranda: Oh. But I thought we were all supposed to hang out at the mall tomorrow.
Lizzie McGuire: Oh, well, we can hang here instead. It'll be fun.
Gordo: Are you sure? Uh, we don't wanna get you in trouble.
Lizzie McGuire: Oh, no, I think it'll be fine. Plus, I think I can swing for some free drinks for my friends.
Gordo: Free? Free is my favorite number.


"Lizzie McGuire: In Miranda Lizzie Does Not Trust (#2.10)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: She hasn't even spoken to me.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, Miranda can be a little unreasonable at times.
Lizzie McGuire: How can you say that, Gordo? She happened to be accused of stealing!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, well, it did kind of hang around to dry.
Lizzie McGuire: How can you say that, Gordo? Just because I doubted her for one single second. I mean, the lipstick was in her purse.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're right, the... the evidence was there...
Lizzie McGuire: How can you say that, Gordo? Miranda is my best friend, I should know that she doesn't steal!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I... Whose side do you want me to be on? Yours or... yours?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: Give it time. I'm sure it'll blow over. I'm sure everything's gonna be cool.
Miranda Sanchez: [comes in] Mr. Dig? I'd like another partner, please.
Lizzie McGuire: [to Gordo] You know, for a smart guy, you sure get a lot of stuff wrong.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do.


"Lizzie McGuire: Those Freaky McGuires (#2.9)" (2002)
Miranda Sanchez: [noticing Lizzie's/Matt's clothing] Lizzie! What are you? I mean, how can you?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I think what Miranda's trying to say is what... what were you thinking when you got dressed this morning? You look like Elton John!
Lizzie McGuire: [as Matt in Lizzie's body] That's SIR Elton John!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [after Kate pulls a stunt on Lizzie/Matt] Are you okay?
Lizzie McGuire: [as Matt in Lizzie's body] I seem to be spending a lot of time on the ground.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah, but Kate just made you look like a total idiot!
Lizzie McGuire: [as Matt in Lizzie's body] Oh, that's fine. She has no idea who she's dealing with.


"Lizzie McGuire: Grubby Longjohn's Olde Tyme Revue (#2.27)" (2003)
Sam McGuire: C'mon, Gordo. It's 5:30, rise and shine!
Gordo: 5:30? You rise. You shine.
Lizzie: His parents told me he's really cranky in the mornings.
Gordo: I love the mornings. This is the middle of the night.

Lizzie: We have to enjoy ourselves.
Miranda Sanchez: Why?
Gordo: But more importantly... How?


"Lizzie McGuire: Best Dressed for Much Less (#2.12)" (2002)
Miranda Sanchez: I don't feel like "Most..." anything.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: That's what Kate wants you to think. So that you'll never even try. It's a way of maintaining the "status quo".
Lizzie McGuire: "Status quo"?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: It means Kate wants to keep things the way they are.
Miranda Sanchez: Why didn't you just say that?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I did.

Lizzie McGuire: I don't have enough money to buy the pants in the first place.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, how much are they?
Lizzie McGuire: Well, sixty-five dollars, but I've only saved up ten.
Miranda Sanchez: Well, I got thirty dollars for my birthday.
[they both look at Gordo, who walks a few steps before stopping]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [pauses] Fine, I've got thirty dollars too.


"Lizzie McGuire: The Longest Yard (#2.7)" (2002)
Jo McGuire: [after Lizzie gets off the phone] Nice of you to join us.
Lizzie McGuire: Sorry.
Matt McGuire: It's not THAT nice.

Lizzie McGuire: The only thing worse than having Matt and Lanny around, is not having Matt and Lanny around.


"Lizzie McGuire: And the Winner Is (#2.6)" (2002)
Lizzie: Miranda, you may be able to talk the talk, but you can't walk the walk.
Ethan: Yeah, 'cause you know what, I can walk and talk!

Miranda Sanchez: So... No A?
Lizzie: No A.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, that's okay. 'Cause there's no A in friendship! Though, Ethan thought there was.
[Lizzie and Miranda laugh]


"Lizzie McGuire: She Said, He Said, She Said (#2.19)" (2002)
Larry Tudgeman: I'm sorry about that, but you won't believe what just happened!
Kate Sanders: Save it. You obviously have me confused with someone who cares.
[she leaves him]
Lizzie McGuire: [to Gordo and Miranda] What do you think he did?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I don't know. Got dressed by himself?


"Lizzie McGuire: The Gordo Shuffle (#2.31)" (2003)
Lizzie McGuire: Think about your independence, Gordo. You would never have to ask your parents for anything ever again.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: But I like asking my parents for things. It's really the only time I ever talk to them.


"Lizzie McGuire: Just One of the Guys (#2.33)" (2003)
Ethan Craft: I got an idea.
Lizzie McGuire: [as animated version] That's something you don't hear very often!


"Lizzie McGuire: Gordo's Bar Mitzvah (#1.31)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: Must be something in the water. I mean, first Ethan, now Larry...
Miranda: You're not actually gonna use Ethan and Larry in the same sentence, are you?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You just did.
[Miranda looks resigned]


"Lizzie McGuire: Magic Train (#2.34)" (2004)
Lizzie McGuire: I'm here babysitting too.
Kate Sanders: For who? Gordo and Miranda?


"Lizzie McGuire: Jack of All Trades (#1.6)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: That grade has to be a mistake! This is an A plus paper!
Gordo: Maybe if it had your name on it.
Lizzie McGuire: If it had my name on it, it'd be called: "Our Friend, the Ocean".


"Lizzie McGuire: El Oro de Montezuma (#2.2)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: Mom, dad, can I ask you guys a question?
Jo McGuire: Sure.
Lizzie McGuire: Where did I come from?
Jo McGuire: Well, I'm from Wala Wala, Washington.
Sam McGuire: And I'm from Kalamazoo.
Lizzie McGuire: [animated Lizzie] Face it. My parents are aliens.
Lizzie McGuire: No, not like that. I mean where did our family come from.
Jo McGuire: I'm Polish, Swedish, French, Swiss, German, Hungarian and all the countries with heavy food. And you're what Scottish or Irish?


"Lizzie McGuire: Pool Party (#1.4)" (2001)
Lizzie: I can't believe that Miranda, she is such a hypocrite. Which she will never admit.
Gordo: Well if you admit you're a hypocrite, then you're not a hypocrite.
Lizzie: Gordo, what goes on inside your head, is it just a big game show?


"Lizzie McGuire: The Courtship of Miranda Sanchez (#1.29)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: Are you like friends with my little brother now? Because I'm gonna tell you, Gordo, that's kind of creepy.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: What can I say? The kid's got spunk. It's refreshing.


"Lizzie McGuire: Facts of Life (#1.25)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: Woah. What happened to you guys?
Kate: I got bit to death by sand fleas!
Claire Miller: I stepped on a stupid sea urchin.
Larry Tudgeman: [trying to speak through clenched teeth] I got so sunburned, my teeth hurt.


"Lizzie McGuire: When Moms Attack (#1.3)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: If humiliating me were an Olympic event, my mother would take home the gold.


"Lizzie McGuire: Mom's Best Friend (#2.3)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: [animated] Grandparents don't split up! Grandparents give you money when your parents aren't looking!


"Lizzie McGuire: Rumors (#1.1)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: If you ask me...
Lizzie McGuire: Not gonna.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: ...any group activity that forces others to be happy, is by nature evil.
Lizzie McGuire: And that's why I didn't ask.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I just don't understand the herd mentality, that, you know... tells us what to wear, what to watch, what to eat... Mm, McNuggets!


"Lizzie McGuire: Picture Day (#1.2)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I just don't see why we should give in to all this peer pressure.
Lizzie McGuire: Because we have peers, and they put pressure on us. If it was just you and me, I wouldn't care how I looked. But I do have to live in this world.