Stuart Bloom
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Quotes for
Stuart Bloom (Character)
from "The Big Bang Theory" (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The Big Bang Theory: The Hofstadter Isotope (#2.20)" (2009)
Penny: What would you recommend as a present for a 13-year old boy?
Stuart: Um, a 13-year old girl?

Stuart: Look Sheldon, it's late, I've gotta get some sleep.
Sheldon Cooper: So I win.
Stuart: No, I'm tired.
Sheldon Cooper: So I win.
Stuart: Fine, you win.
Sheldon Cooper: Darn tootin' I win.

Stuart: You can throw all the French around you want, it doesn't make you right.
Sheldon Cooper: Au contraire.

Penny: You know, it's kind of early. Do you want to maybe come in for some coffee or something?
Stuart: Oh, gee. It's a little late for coffee, isn't it?
Penny: Oh... you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.

Stuart: Here, Sheldon. I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon: Excuse me, spoiler alert.
Stuart: But I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon: You told me it's mind-blowing, so my mind is going into it pre-blown. And once a mind is pre-blown, it cannot be re-blown.

Sheldon Cooper: Well, I've spent the last three hours in an online debate in the DC Comics Batman chatroom, and I need your help.
Stuart: Oh yeah. Those guys can be very stubborn. What's the topic?
Sheldon Cooper: I am asserting, in the event that Batman's death proves permanent, that original Robin, Dick Grayson, is the logical successor to the Bat Cowl.
Stuart: Ooh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon Cooper: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge. But returning to the original issue, Dick Grayson became Nightwing, a superhero in his own right. Batman 2 has to be the second Robin, Jason Todd.
Sheldon Cooper: Has to be? Has to be? I hope you're being deliberately provocative


"The Big Bang Theory: The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition (#5.10)" (2011)
Stuart: Leonard, what's the deal with Sheldon's friend Amy? Are they a couple?
Leonard Hofstadter: A couple of weirdos. Why?

Stuart: So, other than you taking your relationship to the next level with another guy, this was nice!
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yes, well, thanks for seeing me to my door.
Stuart: Oh, you're welcome.
Sheldon Cooper: [Knocking from inside Amy's apartment] Amy! Amy! Amy! Let's wrap things up out there!
Amy Farrah Fowler: Umm... Good night Stuart!
Stuart: Good night!
[They hug]
Sheldon Cooper: Take a hint Stuart, the lady said good night!

Stuart: Need help finding anything you like?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Yeah, a comic book without a woman whose bosom could be used as a flotation device.
Stuart: Sorry, people who come here like big boobs. Some of them have big boobs.

[Sheldon joins Amy and Stuart on their date]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Sheldon, what are you doing here?
Sheldon Cooper: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater with a character like Stuart is repellent. No offence Stuart.
Stuart: None taken. Though repellent's kind of a, kind of a strong word.

Raj Koothrappali: Stuart, help us settle an argument. Who would win in a fight, Billy the Kid or the White Wizard?
Stuart: I could tell you, but then I would be depriving you of the joy of finding out yourselves at the magical, rootin'-tootin' low price of $24.99.
Raj Koothrappali: I'll buy one.
Howard Wolowitz: Make that two.
Leonard Hofstadter: I hate you both and myself. Make it three.
Stuart: [Walking to resgister] Like shooting nerds in a barrel.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Santa Simulation (#6.11)" (2012)
Stuart: I don't remember you buying these miniatures in my store.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, uhl, yeah, I got 'em on Amazon.
Stuart: Sure, I get it. Why support a friend when you can support a multinational conglomerate that is crushing the life out of that friend?
Leonard Hofstadter: I know, but when I shop online I can do it on the toilet.
Stuart: Have you seen my store? The whole place is a toilet.

Raj Koothrappali: [playing Dungeons & Dragons] Oh, man, the first monster I see, I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand, and shoot my magic all over his ass.
Stuart: [embarrassed silence from the room] Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj Koothrappali: [after his D&D character is killed] Doesn't anyone have a Rod of Resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me!
Stuart: [another embarrassed silence] Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Penny: See you, boys, we're going drinking.
Raj Koothrappali: Wait, can I come with you? My character died.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Sorry, Raj, it's girls' night out.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Maybe another time.
[Penny, Bernadette, and Amy leave]
Leonard Hofstadter: [continuing the game] Okay.
Penny: [sticking her head back into the apartment] Come on.
Raj Koothrappali: [leaping off the couch] Girls' night! Girls' night! Woo! Woo!
[the apartment door closes behind Penny and Raj]
Stuart: How does he not hear that?

Stuart: What's wrong with Christmas?
Sheldon Cooper: [wearily] Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors, overuse of the words "'tis" and "'twas". And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everyone knows socks belong in pairs. Who uses one sock?
Howard Wolowitz: Pirate with a peg leg?
Sheldon Cooper: Actually, that helps. Thank you.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Bakersfield Expedition (#6.13)" (2013)
[Penny, Amy & Bernadette have just entered the Comic Store]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why are they staring?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Who cares? Just soak it in.
[huskily, stroking her hair]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh. Hey!
[looks around at the customers]
Stuart: Could we stop staring? They're just girls; nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: What kind of comics do the guys like?
Stuart: Um... a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Okay, well who's the best superhero?
Stuart: Shhhh! You can't ask a question like that in here! You trying to start a rumble?

Stuart: Let's see. Well, you got your basic clean good guys, Superman, Spiderman, Captain America. Then you have your darker anti-heroes, your Batman, your Wolverine, Punisher.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh, I do love a bad boy.
Penny: As evidence by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Amy, Bernadette, and Penny enter the comic store the guys often go to, and every male stops what they're doing and stares at them in shock]
[Obviously uncomfortable]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Why are they staring?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Who cares? Just soak it in.
[Then starts walking around, moving her hair from over her ear, then says the next line as if she were a 1940s girl talking to sailors]
Amy Farrah Fowler: Hello boys.
Stuart Bloom: [Comes out of the back room and sees the girls] Oh, hey.
[Then notices all the guys looking at them]
Stuart Bloom: Would you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey Stuart.
Stuart Bloom: Well, what brings you girls here?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart Bloom: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were wondering why the guys like the stuff so much, so we thought we'd give it a try.
Stuart Bloom: [as he speaks the next line, some of the customers start looking at the girls again] Oh ok, well what do you think you might be in to? Superheroes? Fantasy? Graphic novels? Manga?
[Turns on the others without taking a breath]
Stuart Bloom: I swear I will turn a hose on you!
[They scatter]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: What kind of comics do the guys like?
Stuart Bloom: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Alright, well who's the best superhero?
Stuart Bloom: [Frantically] Shhhh! You can't ask a question like that in here? Are you trying to start a rumble?
Penny: Well, what do you recommend?
Stuart Bloom: Oh, well um, you got your basic clean-cut good guys, like Superman, Spider-Man, Captain America, then you got your darker "anti-heroes", like Batman, Wolverine, Punisher.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Oooo, I do love a bad boy.
Penny: [Matter-of-factly] As evidenced by your boyfriend and his fear of hamsters.
Stuart Bloom: [Presenting a comic] If I were you, I'd go for Fables #1. The artwork is sophisticated, it's intelligently written, and it doesn't objectify or stereotype women.
Penny: [Distracted by another comic] Oooo, Thor! He's hot!
Stuart Bloom: Yeah, he kind of is.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Friendship Contraction (#5.15)" (2012)
Sheldon Cooper: I was just sitting at home, thinking about how it might be nice to catch up with my ninth favorite person.
Stuart: Ninth?
Sheldon Cooper: You moved up one. My pen pal in Somalia was kidnapped by pirates.

Stuart: Sheldon, I'm working; I can't take you to the dentist. Also, and I can't stress this enough, I don't want to take you to the dentist.

Sheldon Cooper: So, um. how are you?
Stuart: Uh, not so good; my shrink just killed himself. Blamed me in the note.
Sheldon Cooper: Great, great.

Sheldon Cooper: So, uh, how are you?
Stuart: Not so good. My shrink just killed himself. Blamed me in the note.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Property Division Collision (#10.10)" (2016)
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I guess you could stay for a few days, and we'll see how it goes.
Stuart Bloom: Thank you. And it's only temporary; just 'til I get back on my feet. Or the baby goes off to college - whichever happens first.

[last lines]
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Howard!
Howard Wolowitz: Guys, you heard her; go see what she wants.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: [she enters] I think I'm in labour.
Howard Wolowitz: Wh- wh- OK, OK. I-I-I I can do this. We have a plan. Somebody please tell me the plan!
Stuart Bloom: I'll get the hospital bag,
Raj Koothrappali: I'll pull the van out.
Stuart Bloom: Meet outside in two minutes.
Raj Koothrappali: Team Baby, go!
[they chest bump and run out]
Howard Wolowitz: I love you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I love you too.
[they kiss and Stuart runs back in]
Stuart Bloom: Are we hugging or having a baby? Let's go!

Raj Koothrappali: Stuart, what are you doing here?
Stuart Bloom: Oh, I live here now.
Raj Koothrappali: Do Howard and Bernadette know, or is this like a "possum in the walls" kind of thing?


"The Big Bang Theory: The 2003 Approximation (#9.4)" (2015)
Stuart Bloom: Do you guys know any musicians?
Howard Wolowitz: Why?
Stuart Bloom: I was thinking it might be cool to have live music here a few nights a week, you know. Give this place more of a "staying in business" vibe.
Howard Wolowitz: What kind of music are you thinking of?
Stuart Bloom: I like all kinds of music. But my favorite genre is "free".

Raj Koothrappali: We could play filk music.
Stuart Bloom: W-What's that?
Raj Koothrappali: It's been around for years. It's like folk music, but with a sci-fi/fantasy theme.
Stuart Bloom: I like it. Sounds exactly like something I shouldn't be expected to pay for.

[last lines]
Howard Wolowitz: [singing] Indy's whip snapped. Thor's hammer missed.
Raj Koothrappali: [singing] It was Avenger vs archeologist.
Howard Wolowitz: [singing] Indy held his ground and straightened his fedora.
Raj Koothrappali: [singing] Thor said that's a nice look, in 1944-a.
[rhyme with fedora]
Howard Wolowitz, Raj Koothrappali: [singing] Thor and Dr. Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightning, the other plays with bones. Thor and Dr. Jones, Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightning, the other plays with bones.
Stuart Bloom: Play something we can dance to.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Occupation Recalibration (#7.13)" (2014)
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Batman got his ass kicked by a curling iron.
Stuart Bloom: Well, don't let The Riddler know that. It's a comic book joke. Or maybe it's not.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: Did I startle you?
Stuart Bloom: At this point, any customer would startle me.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: You know, I work for a big pharmaceutical company. If you make this happen today, I could hook you up with anxiety medication, some anti depressants.
Stuart Bloom: Do you have any of these?
[Dumps full box of medicine bottles]


"The Big Bang Theory: The Russian Rocket Reaction (#5.5)" (2011)
Stuart: [negotiating with Leonard and Sheldon for a sword] 225. That's my final offer.
Sheldon Cooper: [to Leonard] Take it, take it, take it!
Leonard Hofstadter: 200.
Stuart: Man, you're killing me!
Sheldon Cooper: Killing you? I can't breathe!

Leonard Hofstadter: 210, and you throw in the Iron Man helmet.
Stuart: Are you crazy? That helmet's signed by Robert Downey Jr.
Leonard Hofstadter: So?
Stuart: Okay, if you're gonna question the importance of an actor's signature on a plastic helmet from a movie based on a comic book, then all of our lives have no meaning!

Wil Wheaton: Hey, I'm having a party at my house on Friday and I was hoping you'd stop by?
Stuart: Will there be girls there?
Wil Wheaton: Yeah. Of course.
Stuart: Because there wasn't last time.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Maternal Combustion (#8.23)" (2015)
Raj Koothrappali: How old is this Jell-O?
Stuart Bloom: Well, it's carrot, so I'm gonna say very.

Howard Wolowitz: For a while everything was all vampires, now it's zombies. I wonder what the next big monster fad will be?
Raj Koothrappali: We haven't had a good invisible man in a while.
Stuart Bloom: Clearly you haven't seen me try to talk to a woman.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Raiders Minimization (#7.4)" (2013)
Stuart: That's it. Our dating profiles are live on the internet.
Raj Koothrappali: Attention all shoppers, my business is open for business!

Stuart: I don't think I've ever felt so rejected. And I-I had a rescue dog who ran back to the pound.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Sales Call Sublimation (#9.12)" (2016)
Stuart Bloom: I just have never been in this room while you're awake.

[last lines]
Stuart Bloom: [watching Howard and Bernadette sleep] I really miss this.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Tangible Affection Proof (#6.16)" (2013)
Raj Koothrappali: Hey, Stuart, you got anything going on for Valentine's Day?
Stuart: Not really, other than hiding all the sharp objects around here and white-knuckling it 'til morning.

Raj Koothrappali: How 'bout, uh, you keep the store open late, and we throw a party for all the people who don't have dates?
Stuart: That actually sounds kinda nice.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, the theme will be that the greatest love a man can have is the love he has with himself.
Stuart: That's good, or maybe something a little less hand-in-pants.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Classified Materials Turbulence (#2.22)" (2009)
Stuart: Here, Sheldon, I pulled the new Hellboy for you. It's mind-blowing.
Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me! Spoiler alert!
Stuart: But I didn't spoil anything.
Sheldon Cooper: You told me it's mind-blowing, so my mind is going into it pre-blown, and once a mind is *pre*-blown, it cannot be *re*-blown.
Stuart: I'm sorry.
Sheldon Cooper: Said the Grinch to Christmas.

Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Stuart, have you read the new Flash?
Stuart: No.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, I have, and it will knock your socks off! Good luck getting them back on.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Status Quo Combustion (#7.24)" (2014)
Stuart Bloom: I don't mean to be rude, Sheldon, but, uh, my life is kind of falling apart right now.
Sheldon Cooper: Your life? The university is making me do string theory. And my girlfriend loves me so much she wants to live with me. And now, the place I need to go when I'm sad is damp and smells funny.

Howard Wolowitz: Don't take this the wrong way, but did you do this for the insurance money?
Stuart Bloom: No. God, you sound like the police, the firemen, my parents, my therapist and the insurance company.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary (#3.5)" (2009)
Sheldon Cooper: bortaS bIr jablu'DI' reH QaQqu' nay!
Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say "Revenge is a dish best served cold" in Klingon?
Stuart: I believe so.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.

Stuart Bloom: Hey, Sheldon, the new Green Lantern figurine's coming in tomorrow. Want me to set one aside for you?
Sheldon: Thank you. You just robbed me of the opportunity to stumble upon the figurine and make the oh-so-satisfying journey from discovery to desire to possession.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Line Substitution Solution (#9.23)" (2016)
Stuart Bloom: [Gets into Amy's car] Hey.
Amy Farrah Fowler: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart Bloom: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me?
Stuart Bloom: No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in.

Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Knock on door] Maybe it's Sheldon here to say he's sorry.
[She opens the door, it's Stuart with a bouquet]
Stuart Bloom: Sheldon says he's sorry.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Bernadette, I'll give you five dollars to slam the door.
Stuart Bloom: [as the door closes] I would've done it for three!


"The Big Bang Theory: The Mommy Observation (#7.18)" (2014)
Raj Koothrappali: Sheldon is out of town so we can whatever we want. We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like.
Stuart Bloom: How is it?
Penny: Disgusting. Do not tell him.
Leonard Hofstadter: What do you guys want to do tonight?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't know.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I told Howie if I wasn't busy I'd spend the night at his Mom's. So for God sakes, think of something.

Stuart Bloom: I think you're the best couple I know.
Leonard Hofstadter: Ah.
Penny: That's so sweet.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: What the hell?
Amy Farrah Fowler: Excuse me?
Penny: Let the dead man talk. Why do you say that?
Stuart Bloom: Well, I feel like you guys make each other better. Penny brought Leonard out of your shell. Seems like Leonard makes Penny think more deeply about the world. I don't know. Together you make one awesome person.
Penny: Ah, Stuart. Now I feel bad for murdering you.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Wheaton Recurrence (#3.19)" (2010)
Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your momma! Unless of course she bowls well, in which case you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
Sheldon Cooper: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.

[last lines]
Stuart: [on the phone] I'm telling you the Match.com chicks are much looser than on eHarmony. Uh, now I, I gotta call you back. I won a bet and it's time to collect.
[Howard, Sheldon, Leonard and Raj enter the comic store dressed as Batgirl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, and Catwoman]
Raj Koothrappali: I don't know about you, but I feel empowered.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Date Night Variable (#6.1)" (2012)
Stuart: So, Howard's really in space?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yup, in the International Space Station. 2700 miles that way.
Raj Koothrappali: Right now he might be looking down on us like a tiny Jewish Greek god. Zeusowitz.
Sheldon Cooper: I must admit I do feel a tinge of envy. Howard is looking out at the majesty of the universe passing before his eyes. His dim, uncomprehending eyes. Like a cat in an airport carrying case.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Re-Entry Minimization (#6.4)" (2012)
Sheldon Cooper: It's been a good run, Fake Wolowitz. We'll remember you with fond nostalgia, like the dial-up modem, the VHS tape and Leonard's gym membership.
Raj Koothrappali: I don't want Stuart to leave. We've become good friends.
Sheldon Cooper: Okay, that's one vote for, one against. Leonard, you're the tie breaker.
Leonard Hofstadter: I don't mind Stuart. Besides, he gives us 20% discounts on comic books.
Sheldon Cooper: My friendship isn't sold so cheaply.
Stuart: I can go as high as 30.
Sheldon Cooper: Welcome aboard, old chum.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Guitarist Amplification (#3.7)" (2009)
Stuart: I was thinking of closing early and going home but, let's face it, that's just a smaller lonely room filled with comic books.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Hot Tub Contamination (#10.5)" (2016)
Raj Koothrappali: Actually,, I'm single now.
Stuart Bloom: What! How'd that happen?
Raj Koothrappali: It's OK; it's by choice... Well, their choice, and it's not OK.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Locomotion Reverberation (#10.15)" (2017)
Stuart Bloom: Instead of arguing all night, let's just split up the baby chores.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, great. Um, I'll put food in the top half; you deal with whatever comes out the bottom.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Birthday Synchronicity (#10.11)" (2016)
[first lines]
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, man, this is really happening. You doing OK?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Here comes another contraction.
Stuart Bloom: Let's pick it up!
Raj Koothrappali: All right, hold on. I'm going to drive like we do in India.
[rolls down the window, honks and yells]
Raj Koothrappali: Get out of the way, you syphilitic dogs!
Howard Wolowitz: Stop that. This isn't India.
Raj Koothrappali: Fine. What do one point three billion people know about having babies?
Howard Wolowitz: Sorry, I know you were just trying to help.
[to Bernadette]
Howard Wolowitz: I love you.
Raj Koothrappali: I love you too; we're good.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Holographic Excitation (#6.5)" (2012)
Raj Koothrappali: Preparing for your Halloween party?
Stuart: Yeah, it's my annual attempt at meeting women. Ninth time's the charm.
Raj Koothrappali: Maybe I can help. I have a certain je ne sais quoi when it comes to soirees.
Stuart: I can't afford je ne sais quoi. How much for just quoi?


"The Big Bang Theory: The Good Guy Fluctuation (#5.7)" (2011)
Howard Wolowitz: [to Leonard] Did you just pick a girl up in a comic book store?
Stuart: Because if you did, you get your picture up there, on The Wall of Heroes.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Justice League Recombination (#4.11)" (2010)
Stuart: You guys finally chip in for a bodyguard?
Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, no. Oh, this is Zack; he's... a friend of ours. Zack, this is Stuart; he owns the store.
Zack: Wow! Lucky you.
Stuart: Yeah! I work seventy hours a week and average a dollar sixty-five an hour.
Zack: Sweet!
Stuart: Is that sarcasm?
Howard Wolowitz: Uh, no, it's an indictment of the American education system,


"The Big Bang Theory: The Prom Equivalency (#8.8)" (2014)
Stuart Bloom: What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on between me and your mother.
Debbie Wolowitz: Stewie! Your bath is getting cold!
Stuart Bloom: Sorry, gotta go.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Perspiration Implementation (#9.5)" (2015)
Penny Hofstadter: Uh, have you read the online reviews for this place?
Stuart Bloom: Eh, the Internet's so negative. I try to avoid it.
Penny Hofstadter: All right. Well, Heather H. says, "The owner stared at me the whole time and didn't blink once." Kelly M. says, "The creepy guy who runs it asked me out, then called himself stupid before I could say no." Jessica K. says, "I told the weird owner that I liked his shirt. He took it off and gave it to me."
Stuart Bloom: See? Negative.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Decoupling Fluctuation (#6.2)" (2012)
Sheldon Cooper: If you're going to replace Wolowitz I need to know a little more about you.
Stuart: Alright.
Sheldon Cooper: Wolowitz went to MIT. What's your educational background?
Stuart: I went to art school.
Sheldon Cooper: Equally ridiculous, let's go.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Fetal Kick Catalyst (#10.6)" (2016)
[last lines]
Stuart Bloom: You know what I love about you? Hmm? You never leave the house without a paper clip!
Sheldon Cooper: You never know when two pieces of paper might temporarily need fastening in the top left corner.
Stuart Bloom: I also love how you never use swear words.
Sheldon Cooper: You know, ti turns out... you can hurt people just as well without 'em.
Amy Farrah Fowler: Maybe I can get a little help putting some of this stuff away?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, calm down.
[holding up his mimosa]
Sheldon Cooper: I already put away five of these.
[to Stuart]
Sheldon Cooper: See, ain't no muss, no fuss, not a single cuss.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Toast Derivation (#4.17)" (2011)
[Sheldon's guests are singing karaoke. All have been drinking, and Stuart is still in towels from taking a shower]
Stuart, Kripke, Zack: [singing] I'm walking on sunshine... who-oo...
Levar Burton: [arrives at party late, and enters] Hello, I...
Levar Burton: [Sees strange guests and backs out of doorway] Oh, I don't think so...
Levar Burton: [walking down stairs] I am so done with Twitter.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Cooper Extraction (#7.11)" (2013)
[last lines]
[Leonard and Raj are very fat]
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm going to do it; I'm going to ask her out.
Howard Wolowitz: And chocolate milk out is going to squirt of my nipples.
Raj Koothrappali: Put up or shut up. You make it, I'll drink it.
Penny: You guys need anything else?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, your phone number and one more cheesecake.
Penny: I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend. Look, in fact, there he is now.
[Stu enters; she goes to him]
Penny: Ready to go, sweetheart.
Stuart Bloom: Not till I get my kiss.
[She kisses him and they leave]
Stuart Bloom: [Stu. sitting alone in an empty Cheesecake Factory, sighs]


"The Big Bang Theory: The Deception Verification (#7.2)" (2013)
Sheldon Cooper: Stuart, I was wondering if you could help me find something.
Stuart: Happy to. Unless its hope or reason to live.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Leftover Thermalization (#8.18)" (2015)
Bernadette Rostenkowski: [Sheldon and Leonard are arguing during dinner] Hey! Sheldon, Leonard, living room right now!
Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon and Leonard follow her] She said my name first, that must kill you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: [yelling from off screen, sounding eerily familiar to everyone] I don't know what you think you're doing, but this is a very difficult time for my husband! We're eating the last food his mother ever made and you are gonna throw it at each other like children? Whatever it is you're fighting about, put it aside, go back in there and be a good friend to Howard or there's no dessert for either of you! Look at me when I'm talking to you! And don't think...
Howard Wolowitz: [Bernadette keeps yelling] Do you guys ever notice sometimes Bernadette sounds like my mom?
Amy Farrah Fowler: I don't hear it.
Raj Koothrappali: No, not at all.
Stuart Bloom: Nah.
Penny: Not really.


"The Big Bang Theory: The Comic Book Store Regeneration (#8.15)" (2015)
Penny: How's Howard holding up?
Raj Koothrappali: He's hanging in there.
Leonard Hofstadter: How are you doing, Stuart?
Stuart Bloom: Still can't believe she's gone. I mean, that woman took me in. If it wasn't for her, I, I would have been homeless.
Amy Farrah Fowler: One of us would have taken you in.
Stuart Bloom: Yeah, I don't recall any offers. But, you know what, uh, I, I'm glad it worked out the way it did because I got to know this wonderful person.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah. Mrs. Wolowitz was pretty special. When I first moved to America, Howard was my only friend and she made me feel so welcome in her home. Which says a lot, because, those first few years, she thought I was the gardener.
Penny: Whenever I saw her, she'd say I was too skinny and try and feed me.
Amy Farrah Fowler: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don't take this away from me.
Sheldon Cooper: I didn't care for her yelling. But now that I'm not going to hear it again, I'm sad.
Leonard Hofstadter: If you want, I can yell at you later.
Sheldon Cooper: It won't be as good.
Leonard Hofstadter: Let's have a toast. To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother to all of us. We'll miss you.