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Quotes for
Gov. Elaine Marley (Character)
from The Curse of Monkey Island (1997) (VG)

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Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 4 - The Trial and Execution of Guybrush Threepwood (2009) (VG)
Elaine Marley: I knew it all along! With or without all that voodoo, you're still nothing but an evil sack of scumm!
LeChuck - Human: Correction, my sweet: I'm an evil sack of scumm who's about to plunder the grandest treasure in all creation. But I be willin' to share my booty, if ye catch me drift...
Elaine Marley: What?
LeChuck - Human: Oh, come now, my love. You can't deny what we've shared these past few weeks. The chummy camaraderie, the kind words, the stolen glances. I know you've developed feelings for me. Join me as my demon bride and together we'll lay a bloody siege to the very heart of voodoo itself!
Elaine Marley: [seething] Go to hell, LeChuck.
LeChuck - Human: Well... you can't say I didn't try.

Guybrush Threepwood: [dying after being stabbed by LeChuck] Elaine? Do me a favor.
Elaine Marley: Anything.
LeChuck - Human: [absorbing energy from La Esponja Grande] ARRR! That be the stuff!
Guybrush Threepwood: Kick his two-faced butt for me.
Elaine Marley: From Mêlée to Monkey and all the islands in between, my love...
LeChuck - Demon: Aren't you dead yet? I've got wedding plans to make!

Guybrush Threepwood: LeChuck, my new best pal! How'd you get out of jail?
LeChuck - Human: Oh, the guard was more than happy to release me once I convinced him that it was the only way to win Elaine's hand in unholy matrimony.
Guybrush Threepwood: Wait, unholy what?
LeChuck - Human: Unholy this!
[stabs Guybrush]
Elaine Marley: Guybrush!
Guybrush Threepwood: [collapsing] Elaine?
Elaine Marley: GUYBRUSH!
LeChuck - Human: LECHUCK!
[laughs]
LeChuck - Human: This name-shouting is jolly good fun!

[last lines]
LeChuck - Demon: Out of respect for the newly-deceased, I feel I should point out that you wave your sword like a dairy farmer.
Elaine Marley: How appropriate... YOU fight like a Pox-infected undead cow!

Guybrush Threepwood: Could you give the court some idea of what a fine, upstanding pirate your husband is?
Elaine Marley: Well, let's see. When I first met him, he was breaking into my mansion to steal a statue. Later, after shanghaiing a crew to take him to Monkey Island, he totally failed to rescue me from the evil clutches of the Ghost Pirate LeChuck, so I had to dress up a couple of monkeys in a bridal gown!
Guybrush Threepwood: This may have been a bad line of questioning...
Elaine Marley: [later] ... then he left me hanging over a pit while he went looking for the Treasure of Big Whoop. I didn't hear from him for three years after that!
[later]
Elaine Marley: ... turned me into a bleedin' statue!
[later]
Elaine Marley: ... left the seat up! Oh, and that's not even mentioning all the times I've found myself tied up, manacled, or otherwise incarcerated because of his blithering IDIOCY!

[Guybrush and Elaine are captured by De Singe]
Elaine Marley: I can't believe I ever married a dullard like you!
Guybrush Threepwood: Y'know, once I cure you of the Pox that's making you say all these mean things, you're gonna owe me a *lot* of smoochies.
Elaine Marley: I wouldn't smooch you with *his* lips, cabin boy!

Guybrush Threepwood: [Elaine and Morgan are fighting] Elaine, sugarcakes, let's stop fighting and work this out over a nice cold lite grog.
Elaine Marley: It's her head or yours, bilge-boy!
Guybrush Threepwood: Or you two can just figure out this little misunderstanding on your own! I'll be over here appreciating my head's ability to stay attached to my neck.

Guybrush Threepwood: Can't you two just work it out over a nice grog-a-tini?
Morgan LeFlay: *The* Guybrush Threepwood is buying me a drink?
Elaine Marley: Over your dead body, trollop!
Morgan LeFlay: Who you calling "trollop", schooner-mom?
Guybrush Threepwood: Oh boy.

Elaine Marley: [Under the influence of the Pox] Arrrr! Avast, ye blubberin' belugas! I'm sacking yer port! Bring me all ye spoils, swags, booty and boodle!
Guybrush Threepwood: [Strictly] Elaaaaaaaine... less plunder, more bunny, please.
Elaine Marley: And YOU! Me bonnie lass! Step into me captain's quarters and let me ravish you silly!
[Grabs him]
Guybrush Threepwood: Whoa boy!
Elaine Marley: Arr, to finally hold you in me arms again, it makes me want to...
[sniffs]
Elaine Marley: What's this? The scent of betrayal? Who is this tawdry wench?
[throws him on the floor]
Guybrush Threepwood: Um, nobddy! No one!
Elaine Marley: She'll die by me rusty blade!
[Runs outside]
Guybrush Threepwood: There goes my witness...

Morgan LeFlay: Now I know who wears the daddy pants in the relationship.
Elaine Marley: You stay away from my boy's pants or I'll hang ya from my Jolly Roger, ja Jezebel!


Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 5 - Rise of the Pirate God (2009) (VG)
Guybrush Threepwood: Haha, I'm back, LeChuck! Now that I have my root beer-proof - and slightly rotting - body again, I can touch anything I want. So get ready to be touched... to death! Sharp, pointy death! Finally!
[tries to grap the Cutlass of Kaflu]
Guybrush Threepwood: Ouch! Papapishu, that stings!
LeChuck: Hahaha! Do you think I am some kind of dolt, Threepwood?
Guybrush Threepwood: "Dolt"?
Elaine Marley: This sword now has enough demonic power in it to bring down a god! Did you think we'd let you get your mortal hands on it?
Guybrush Threepwood: Seriously, who uses the word "dolt" anymore?

Elaine Marley: How dare you! I have a wedding ceremony to plan, a dress to pick out, a reception to arrange and some bridesmaids to slaughter!

Elaine Marley: STOP IT, you monstrous maggot mating ground!
LeChuck: Hahaha! Elaine, not even you and your flimsy sword can stop me now.
Elaine Marley: Watch me try!

Guybrush Threepwood: Hey, is it weird that I thought you were a little sexy when you were all poxed up?
Elaine Marley: What?
Guybrush Threepwood: I mean, does that mean that I'm secretly a little attracted to LeChuck?
Elaine Marley: [Yells] Focus, sweetie!

Elaine Marley: [after Guybrush returns from the afterlife] Guybrush! Oh, it's about time!
Guybrush Threepwood: It is? Wait, you were expecting me? But I was dead! Is that why you gave me -
[holds his ring]
Elaine Marley: You should know enough to trust me by now, Guybrush Threepwood.
Guybrush Threepwood: But you asked LeChuck to make you a demon bride! How did you know I would be able to bring you back from *that*?
Elaine Marley: After all these years and all of our adventures, two things are certain: that I always have a plan, and that Guybrush Threepwood will always come for me when I need him most.
Guybrush Threepwood: You'll always be the shiver in my timbers.

Reginald Van Winslow: Well, the important thing now is that LeChuck is gone! For good this time!
Elaine Marley: And *you* are finally free from whatever fate was planned for you and LeChuck.
Guybrush Threepwood: And that's what this whole "Esponja Grande" thing has been about, huh?
Elaine Marley: Actually, it's pronounced "es-pon-HA", with an "H" sound at the end?
Guybrush Threepwood: Really? But we've all been saying "Espon-Ja".
Elaine Marley: Yes I know. It's been bothering me this whole time. I'm just telling you because I don't want you to look silly.
Guybrush Threepwood: [Giggling] Oh, you're gonna get it for that!


Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 1 - Launch of the Screaming Narwhal (2009) (VG)
Guybrush Threepwood: Elaine, my beautiful butter...
Elaine Marley: What?
Guybrush Threepwood: I said, "Elaine, my beautiful butter..."
Elaine Marley: "My beautiful butter"?
Guybrush Threepwood: I was going to say "buttercup", but you keep cutting me off!
Elaine Marley: Oh, Guybrush! Now stop LeChuck or we're all dead.

Guybrush Threepwood: Are you okay?
Elaine Marley: I'm fine! Finish the recipe!
Guybrush Threepwood: Do you need anything?
Elaine Marley: I said I'm fine! Just finish the recipe!
Guybrush Threepwood: Want me to get anything from the hold? I've brought some pot stickers!
Elaine Marley: No! Finish the recipe!
Guybrush Threepwood: Why do you keep shouting at me?
Elaine Marley: I'm not shouting! I'm projecting!

Guybrush Threepwood: LeChuck!
LeChuck: Do ya mind? I be in the middle of an unholy ceremony here!
Guybrush Threepwood: Unholy this!
[stabs LeChuck]
Elaine Marley: "Unholy this?"
Guybrush Threepwood: Yeah, I know, but he didn't give me much to work with...

Elaine Marley: And now we're going to die. Again. Wonderful.

Guybrush Threepwood: What's LeChuck doing with all these monkeys anyway?
Elaine Marley: I think it's some sort of blood sacrifice in exchange for the secret language of plankton. Or maybe he just really hates monkeys. It's all been a little vague.
Guybrush Threepwood: That's strange. LeChuck's soul-chilling schemes are usually so well-planned.


The Curse of Monkey Island (1997) (VG)
Elaine Marley: You know... I don't think my father would approve of me dating the undead, and you're probably too nice a zombie-pirate for me anyway. Let's just be friends instead.

Elaine Marley: Let's face it, LeChuck. You are an evil, foul-smelling, vile, co-dependent villain and that's just not what I'm looking for in a romantic relationship right now.
[LeChuck and his henchman Skully look at each other in confusion as to what Elaine meant]
LeChuck: Darn yer riddles, ya saucy female! What d'ya mean?
[cuts off Skully's head while he speaks]
Skully: Ahhh! Ohhh!
Elaine Marley: You're a blood-thirsty monster who's already kidnapped me once, tortured my friends, and taken from me the only man I ever loved: Guybrush Threepwood.
Skully: [Guybrush sighs happily] Awwww... how romantic...
[sees Guybrush]
Skully: Ship Ahoy!

LeChuck: By my congealed blood, you'll learn to love me! Sail with me and I'll make ya queen of the dead!
Elaine Marley: I... I can't. I'm washing my hair tonight.

Guybrush Threepwood: Elaine, I'm a man of action, a swashbuckler, a rogue, a wanderer. A man who can hold his breath for ten minutes! I have no ties and no regrets. I sail with the wind and go where adventure takes me. But somehow, something always leads me...
Elaine Marley: Guybrush, stop babbling.
Guybrush Threepwood: Elaine, will you marry me?


Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 2 - The Siege of Spinner Cay (2009) (VG)
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Guybrush is missing one hand] I can handle things here, but you've got to get your hands - er, sorry. I mean, you've got to get hold of those summoning artifacts, they are the key to everything.
Guybrush Threepwood: But...
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: McGillicutty's men have got one of them stashed somewhere. Before you turned up I was about to go to Roe Island to follow up on a lead, and I've got LeChuck looking for the third one on Spoon Isle.
Guybrush Threepwood: LeChuck? You let him go? You sent him on a mission?
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: Yes. Don't worry, dear. He's harmless.
Guybrush Threepwood: I'm sorry, I thought I just heard you describe *LeChuck*, fearsome voodoo ghostly demonic pure evil incarnate pirate LeChuck, as "harmless"! I wonder when I started hallucinating?
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: Guybrush, he's different, and I don't have time to argue. He's going to need your help.
[Baby voice]
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: Please, my Swashbuckling Sea Stud?
Guybrush Threepwood: No!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] Please?
Guybrush Threepwood: Nu uh!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] Pretty please?
Guybrush Threepwood: Nope!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] Pretty please with marshmellows?
Guybrush Threepwood: Negative!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] Come on...
Guybrush Threepwood: No way!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] For me?
Guybrush Threepwood: Nyet!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] I'll be your best friend...
Guybrush Threepwood: Forget it!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Giggles] I'll make it worth your while...
Guybrush Threepwood: Not gonna happen!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Baby voice] But I'm your wife...
Guybrush Threepwood: [sigh] Fine...

Guybrush Threepwood: You said you came here partly for the monkeys... what monkeys?
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: All those poor monkeys LeChuck had cast a spell over on my ship. We were able to gather them all up and we're gonna make sure that they all get back to their proper habitat. Several of them are native to the Jerkbait Islands.
Guybrush Threepwood: Sounds like you spent more time rescuing monkeys than you did looking for me. I can do anything those monkeys can do!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: I've seen you scratch your behind in the morning, you're very talented.

Elaine Marley-Threepwood: [Upon noticing that Guybrush has a hook for a hand] Oh my God! Your hand!
Guybrush Threepwood: What hand?
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: Exactly! What happened to your hand? And *where* is your wedding ring?
Guybrush Threepwood: Uh oh... uh... well, it happened liked this...
Captain McGillicutty: [to merfolk leader] Arr! I should gut ya where ya stand!
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: Uh oh! I better get back there before they kill each other. Here, take my ring!
Guybrush Threepwood: Aw, no... that's the one I...
Elaine Marley-Threepwood: Just take it! Trust me! And *don't* loose it, Guybrush Treepwood!
Guybrush Threepwood: Aw, come on. Who's absent-minded enough to loose *two* wedding rings
Pyrite Parrot: [Gets up his shoulder] Bwaaaaaak! It's me, Guybrush Treepwood, Mighty Pirate!
Guybrush Threepwood: Shut up, you!


The Secret of Monkey Island: Special Edition (1990) (VG)
Guybrush Threepwood: [one of three possible last lines] Well, if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: never pay more than 20 dollars for a computer game.
Elaine Marley: What's that?
Guybrush Threepwood: Never mind. I don't know why I said that.


Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 3 - Lair of the Leviathan (2009) (VG)
LeChuck: There's something about the open ocean that makes a man feel alive.
Elaine Marley: I would imagine that simply having a pulse is a bit of an upgrade for you.