Divya Katdare
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Quotes for
Divya Katdare (Character)
from "Royal Pains" (2009)

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"Royal Pains: The Honeymoon's Over (#1.8)" (2009)
Evan R. Lawson: So, welcome to the inaugural HankMed staff meeting. I love your blouse, Divya. Good-good day to you. First on this evening's agenda, uh, business development.
Dr. Hank Lawson: It's 11:00 a.m.
Evan R. Lawson: Oh, yeah. No, I wrote this last night. Sorry. Ha-ha.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Yeah. Since I left the ER, the two things I miss least are pelvic exams and staff meetings, and not necessarily in that order.
Divya Katdare: Evan, can't you just send out an e-mail?
Dr. Hank Lawson: Oh.
Evan R. Lawson: Yeah, okay. You know what? I'll send an e-mail. That's great. Okay. Cool, Divya. Uh, I'm sending an e-mail to both of you that says "I worked for three days on this multimedia presentation, and that you're going to sit down, shut up, and enjoy it." There. Sent. How's that sound? How's it goin' over there, Stu?
Stu: [hiccuping] Still working on it, Mr. Lawson.
Evan R. Lawson: Okay, that's cool. Keep it up.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Was it really necessary to retain an AV specialist for this?
Divya Katdare: We should reschedule the meeting.
Evan R. Lawson: Motion to reschedule not seconded. Motion fails, moving on.
Dr. Hank Lawson: There's no stopping him when he's like this. The bylaws to our tree house were eight pages long - and it was an imaginary tree house.

Evan R. Lawson: So, our research department has shown that when our CEO attends house calls, our client conversion triples.
Divya Katdare: Has our research department also found that we have no research department?

Divya Katdare: Evan.
Evan R. Lawson: What?
Divya Katdare: Be quiet. Be professional, behave, but mostly be quiet.

Divya Katdare: What do you think you're doing?
Evan R. Lawson: Shutting you down, Nurse Guantanamo. What are YOU doing? Have you ever heard of bedside manner?
Divya Katdare: This isn't about bedside manner. This is about diagnosing a problem and helping the patient. You don't need an M.D. at the end of your name to know what's going on here.
Evan R. Lawson: [scoffs] Well, duh, but the guy obviously doesn't want to tell a CFO and his P.A. that his brand new wife gave him an STD.

Divya Katdare: [to Hank] Oh, and I read Zack's file. His non-compliance sounds like a liability.
Evan R. Lawson: You want Divya should rough him up?


"Royal Pains: Pilot (#1.1)" (2009)
Hank Lawson: You really came prepared.
Divya: Core wound care, home diagnostics, infusion I.V.
Hank Lawson: Why does a P.A. drive around with them in her trunk?
Divya: Well, they were on sale.
Hank Lawson: Divya.
Divya: Look, I want to show you all I can bring to the table. I mean, besides my work ethic, my knowledge of the Hamptons, my relationships with the locals...
Evan Lawson: [interrupts] Your superbly well-toned figure.
Divya: Don't objectify me, sidekick.

Ms. Newberg: I've got a flat tire.
Hank Lawson: Okay, I'm not Triple A.
Ms. Newberg: [exasperated that he doesn't catch on] No!
[opens her coat]
Ms. Newberg: A flat TIRE!
Hank Lawson: [short delay] Oh...
Divya Katdare: ...Dear.

Divya: Offer to pay him generously.
Hank Lawson: Divya.
Divya: He needs the money.
Ms. Newberg: I'll pay any amount.
Hank Lawson: That's not the point.
Ms. Newberg: I'll pay enough money to make it the point.

Divya: Symmetry is the key to beauty.


"Royal Pains: TB or Not TB (#1.4)" (2009)
Divya Katdare: [played back on Evan's cellphone] I've got a problem. Meet me at 23 Foxtail Court as soon as possible. Evan, please. I need you.
Automated Cellphone Voice: To save this message, press nine.
Evan Lawson: Uh, not only did I save that message, I put it on my iPod as work-out music.

Evan Lawson: Hey. So, uh, this soup is very provocative. Do you embrace customer feedback?
Divya Katdare: [answering for Allison] I'm sure she does - from PAYING customers.

Divya Katdare: I need some boundaries.
Evan Lawson: Boundaries? What's that supposed to mean?
Divya Katdare: You set those TB tests at the most illogical time.
Evan Lawson: What?
Divya Katdare: While the restaurant was serving, Evan and then you ran around like a little Yorkie yapping at everyone, begging for treats, practically humping my leg while I'm trying to administer the shots.
Evan Lawson: Okay, so I'd also like some boundaries, starting with the kinds of animals you're allowed to compare me to.

Divya Katdare: Here's an idea: let's have dinner but absolutely no conversation.
Evan Lawson: Yeah. Like we're married.


"Royal Pains: Crazy Love (#1.7)" (2009)
Divya Katdare: You need to remove your jewelry.
Sofia Santos: Why?
Divya Katdare: An MRI is a giant magnet. You can remove it now or the machine will do it for you, and not gently.

Divya Katdare: Brazilian augmentation... A scooter to match her shoes... They're crazy.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Or they're in love.

Divya Katdare: Nausea's a sign of a concussion.
Sofia Santos: Well, then this gown is giving me one.

Dr. Hank Lawson: What happened in Caracas?
Divya Katdare: Should've stayed in Caracas.


"Royal Pains: Mulligan (#2.13)" (2011)
Jill Casey: [laughing] Oh. Hank, have you been working out?
Dr. Hank Lawson: Uh, a little, but...
Jill Casey: [feeling Hank's biceps] Oh, my goodness. These are amazing! Look, Divya...
Divya Katdare: [covering Jill's mouth, and pushing her back onto the bed] Okay. You know what, Jill? Why don't we lay you down for some rest? She should get some rest.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Yeah. Jack, why don't you...
Jack O'Malley: [turning to leave] That's a good idea.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Uh, yeah.
[Hank and Jack leave, leaving Divya with Jill]
Divya Katdare: Please stop licking my hand.

Divya Katdare: I crossed an unacceptable line. I became involved with a patient.
Dr. Hank Lawson: You did?
Divya Katdare: I kissed him. But I ended it. And I will, of course, in no way continue to treat him medically.
Dr. Hank Lawson: That's why you're flying out to London tonight. See Raj.
Divya Katdare: I can only imagine how furious you are with me. It was highly unprofessional. And if you need me to, I will resign from HankMed, effective immediately.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Resign? Please. I... No. I don't care about that. What I care about is you. Are you okay?
Divya Katdare: [on the verge of tears] No. No, I'm not. But I've got it under control.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Is there anything I can do?
Divya Katdare: [starting to cry] No. No, but, uh... oh, but thank you so much for being you.

Jill Casey: I can't believe I didn't feel a spider biting me.
Divya Katdare: Well, you were thrown out of a golf cart. Your mind may have been elsewhere.
Dr. Hank Lawson: A black widow bite isn't so bad if you catch it early.
Divya Katdare: You may feel groggy or even a little loopy.
Jill Casey: Jack, I'm really sorry about this.
Jack O'Malley: What are you apologizing for?
Jill Casey: Well, we were this close to winning.
Jack O'Malley: You know what? We'll get 'em next year, killer. Plus, now we don't have the pressure of having to repeat.
Jill Casey: Repeat?
Jack O'Malley: Pardon?
Jill Casey: [groggily] Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat! Hank, that's funny, right?
Dr. Hank Lawson: Uh, yeah.
Jill Casey: "Uh, yeah." How cute are you when you're being all doctor-y? He's so cute. Isn't he cute? He's like... he's like this little puppy, you know? You wanna scratch him behind the ears and scratch him on the belly.
Dr. Hank Lawson: [trying to laugh it off] Okay. Um...
Divya Katdare: Clearly, someone's medication has kicked in.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Yeah, we're... we're friends.
Jill Casey, Jack O'Malley: Hmm. You know, Hank is the best. He really is. Hank, you're the best. And I miss you, Hank. I really miss you.
Dr. Hank Lawson: You know, good friends.
Jill Casey: Ah, we used to be more than that, Hanky Panky.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Really good friends. Uh, and for the record, that's the first time she's ever called me that.
Jack O'Malley: Okay.
Divya Katdare: All righty, then.


"Royal Pains: Am I Blue? (#1.10)" (2009)
Divya Katdare: Well, that man is offensive.
Evan R. Lawson: That man is a role model.
Divya Katdare: He's YOU, uninterested in anything beneath a woman's surface.
Evan R. Lawson: I TRY to see beneath their surface. That's why I stare so hard.

Divya Katdare: Evan has a patient... a friend... who he says needs help.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Evan has a friend?
Divya Katdare: Well, at this hour, one can only imagine.

Evan R. Lawson: Oh, by the way, that girl I asked you for the advice about? Took her to the beach and, though I was completely just trying to be friends with her, she took her top off - 'cause she's, like, Polish - and she turned blue. Like, literally, her entire body turned blue like a filthy Smurfette.
Dr. Hank Lawson: You went to the beach with a naked blue girl?
Divya Katdare: She turned blue afterwards, actually.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Okay. I'm clearly hallucinating. Good night, good morning, and good luck.


"Royal Pains: If I Were a Sick Man (#1.6)" (2009)
Evan R. Lawson: So, why don't you just, uh, drop me at the dealership, do your follow-up, call, and pick me up on your way back?
Divya Katdare: Because that would deprive us of valuable bonding time.
Evan R. Lawson: Okay. Great. Cool. What do you... what would you like to...
Divya Katdare: Evan! It's because they're in opposite directions. I was being sarcastic.
Evan R. Lawson: Yeah. Right, yeah, well, y... it's hard to tell with your accent sometimes, so, uh... that's cool. Sorry.

Bonnie Day: You say there's two Divya Katdare's in the Hamptons?
Evan R. Lawson: Yeah, the odds of that would be redi...
Divya Katdare: [sternly] Evan, go wait in the car!
Evan R. Lawson: So, I'm gonna go wait in the car. It's been a pleasure meeting you, though. Bye.

Divya Katdare: I feel useless out here. Is that what it's like to be you?
Evan R. Lawson: Wow. Do you treat patients with that bedside manner? You know, I could have a fatal disease right now. It wouldn't kill you to say something nice, you know.
Divya Katdare: I know, but why risk it?


"Royal Pains: Strategic Planning (#1.3)" (2009)
Dr. Hank Lawson: Uh, you wanna squeeze in a quick one before we go?
Divya Katdare: Oh, yes.
Evan R. Lawson: You just took the words right out of my mouth.
Divya Katdare: You're not worth the dry cleaning, Evan.

Divya Katdare: Furry animals and sterile medical equipment don't mix.


"Royal Pains: Frenemies (#2.9)" (2010)
Divya Katdare: You know, admitting it hurts doesn't make you less of a man.
Evan R. Lawson: [pause] It hurts.
Divya Katdare: You're such a girl.


"Royal Pains: Bottoms Up (#3.14)" (2012)
Divya Katdare: I am so glad that you agreed to join me on Saturday.
Jill Casey: Yeah, about that... Would you hate me forever if I bailed?
Divya Katdare: What, you're not a fan of the Bard?
Jill Casey: Who's the Bard?
Divya Katdare: You just answered my question.


"Royal Pains: It's Like Jamais Vu All Over Again (#1.9)" (2009)
Devesh Katdare: When do you compete again?
Divya Katdare: Oh, later this afternoon, Daddy.
Devesh Katdare: Oh, good.
Rubina Katdare: Evan, do you ride as well.
Evan R. Lawson: Me? No, no. I-I live alone.


"Royal Pains: Fight or Flight (#2.17)" (2011)
Divya Katdare: Raj, my fiancé, he has always wanted to learn how to fly.
Jess Walsh: I could give you both lessons.
Divya Katdare: We could use a hobby to do together.
Jess Walsh: Stop by tomorrow. I'll give you a birds-eye view of the Hamptons. It's magical. How about noon?
Divya Katdare: Well, let's see if you're feeling better and if your blood pressure is normal.
Jess Walsh: Okay. So, be here by 11:45. And Hank, would you care to join us?
Dr. Hank Lawson: Yeah, no thank you. I'm... I'm good.
Jess Walsh: Don't tell me you're afraid of flying in small planes.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Oh, no. I'm not afraid of flying in small planes. I'm afraid of crashing in small planes.


"Royal Pains: Rash Talk (#3.3)" (2011)
Divya Katdare: I have made food for a feast. First entrée, lamb vindaloo.
Evan R. Lawson: Ooh, sounds Indian.
[Divya serves some to Hank]
Evan R. Lawson: Looks Indian, too.
[Divya serves some to Evan]
Evan R. Lawson: Gosh, it smells...
Dr. Hank Lawson: [cutting Evan off] Amazing.
Divya Katdare: Thank you, Hank.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Sure.
Divya Katdare: It is my great-grandmother's favorite recipe. Please enjoy. Enjoy.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Okay.
[Evan gives Hank an uncomfortable look; Hank kicks him]
Evan R. Lawson: Gosh, all right.
[Hank and Evan take a bite]
Dr. Hank Lawson: Mmm! It's great.
Divya Katdare: Yeah?
Evan R. Lawson: Fantastic, Divya. It is really good.
Divya Katdare: [relieved] Okay, great. It's not too spicy. You'd tell me, right?
Dr. Hank Lawson: No, no. It is perfect.
Evan R. Lawson: Perfect.
Divya Katdare: Oh, I almost forgot the chutneys. Be back.
[Divya leaves; as soon as she's gone, Hank and Evan gag]
Dr. Hank Lawson: Oh, my God!
Evan R. Lawson: It's like I ate lava.
[Hank takes a drink of water from his glass, and Evan takes large gulps from the water pitcher]


"Royal Pains: Hank and the Deep Blue Sea (#3.15)" (2012)
Dr. Hank Lawson: Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.
Evan R. Lawson: Hi.
Divya Katdare: How's Boris?
Dr. Hank Lawson: Great. And he asked me to be godfather. Evan, so help me, if you do a Brando impression, we're dissolving the business.
Evan R. Lawson: [doing an impression of Marlon Brando] I wasn't gonna do that.


"Royal Pains: Lovesick (#2.2)" (2010)
Evan R. Lawson: HankMed is officially back. I just signed two new super-sized clients. *Super-sized*. With dad's help, by the way.
Dr. Hank Lawson: [skeptically] Dad's help?
Evan R. Lawson: Whales, Hank. Like, whales. Big whales. Bigger than whales. What's bigger than a whale?
Divya Katdare: Nothing.
Evan R. Lawson: Whale it is. Closed them on a golf course, no less.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Ah. That explains the "Caddyshack" getup.
Evan R. Lawson: Hey, the louder the clothes, the deeper the pockets.


"Royal Pains: A Guesthouse Divided (#4.3)" (2012)
Paige Collins: Are you spying on Evan for Hank?
Divya Katdare: [feigning ignorance] Excuse me?
Paige Collins: I saw you use your phone. And then Hank came downstairs and now he's going after the spa.
Divya Katdare: I promise you, I am not spying on Evan.
Paige Collins: So what are you doing?
Divya Katdare: What am I doing?
Paige Collins: Yeah, what are you doing?
Divya Katdare: Well...
Paige Collins: Well?
Divya Katdare: Well, indeed.
Paige Collins: You're trying to undermine Evan, aren't you?
Divya Katdare: Okay. The truth is, I am not trying to undermine Evan. I'm trying to undermine both of them.
Paige Collins: Why would you do that?
Divya Katdare: Because if I can make them both fail separately, then they will realize that they need each other. And then everything, finally, will get back to normal.
[Paige grabs Divya and hugs her tightly]
Paige Collins: Oh, please do it fast. Whatever it takes, Divya. I just... I really miss old Evan.
Divya Katdare: Okay. I got it.


"Royal Pains: Goodwill Stunting (#6.5)" (2014)
Divya Katdare: You think he's in the mob because he has an Italian last name?
Evan R. Lawson: No, I think he's in the mob because he's from New Jersey and he's in the waste management profession. And he has an Italian last name.


"Royal Pains: Pit Stop (#2.14)" (2011)
Dr. Hank Lawson: You stayed up all night and watched these DVDs?
Divya Katdare: Well, I was looking for clues as to what was ailing Craig.
Dr. Hank Lawson: And what did you find out?
Divya Katdare: Mikell is a total fake.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Huh?
Divya Katdare: She's had a showmance with every male character on this show. She didn't even start hooking up with Craig until after his accident.
Dr. Hank Lawson: I'm sorry, did you just say "showmance"?
Divya Katdare: Yeah. It's a relationship for the sake of the cameras.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Divya?
Divya Katdare: [distracted] Mmm-hmm.
Dr. Hank Lawson: Divya.
Divya Katdare: Yeah.
Dr. Hank Lawson: I think we're losing sight of why we're here.