Robert Baratheon
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Quotes for
Robert Baratheon (Character)
from "Game of Thrones" (2011)

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"Game of Thrones: The Wolf and the Lion (#1.5)" (2011)
[Lancel struggles to buckle Robert into his armor when Ned walks in]
Lancel Lannister: It's made too small, Your Grace, it won't go.
Robert Baratheon: Your mother was a dumb whore with a fat ass, did you know that?
[Robert looks at Ned]
Robert Baratheon: Look at this idiot. One ball and no brains. He can't even put a man's armor on him properly.
Eddard Stark: You're too fat for your armor.
Robert Baratheon: Fat? Fat, is it? Is that how you speak to your king?
[pause, then they start laughing as Lancel smiles]
Robert Baratheon: That was funny, is it?
Lancel Lannister: [immediately stops smiling] No, Your Grace.
Robert Baratheon: No? You don't like the Hand's joke?
Eddard Stark: You're torturing the poor boy.
Robert Baratheon: You heard the Hand, the king's too fat for his armor! Go find the breastplate stretcher! NOW!
[Lancel runs out of the tent as Robert starts laughing again]
Eddard Stark: The breastplate stretcher?
Robert Baratheon: How long before he figures it out?

[at the small council meeting about Daenerys Targeryen]
Robert Baratheon: The whore is pregnant.
Eddard Stark: You're speaking of murdering a child.
Robert Baratheon: I warned you this would happen, back in the North. I warned you, but you didn't care to hear. Well, hear it now: I want them dead. Mother and child both, and that fool Viserys as well. Is that plain enough for you? I want them both dead.
Eddard Stark: You'll dishonor yourself forever if you do this.
Robert Baratheon: Honor? I've got Seven Kingdoms to rule! One king, Seven Kingdoms! Do you think honor keeps them in line? Do you think it's honor that's keeping the peace? It's fear! Fear and blood!
Eddard Stark: Then we're no better than the Mad King!
Robert Baratheon: Careful, Ned, careful now!

[at the small council meeting about Daenerys Targaryen]
Eddard Stark: You want to assassinate a girl because the Spider heard a rumor?
Lord Varys: No rumor, my lord, the princess is with child.
Eddard Stark: Based on whose information?
Lord Varys: Ser Jorah Mormont. He is serving as advisor to the Targaryens.
Eddard Stark: Mormont? You bring us the whispers of a traitor half a world away and call it fact.
Petyr Baelish: Jorah Mormont's a slaver, not a traitor. Small difference, I know, to an honorable man.
Eddard Stark: He broke the law, betrayed his family, fled our land. We commit murder on the word of this man?
Robert Baratheon: And if he's right? If she has a son, a Targaryen at the head of a Dothraki army? What then?
Eddard Stark: The narrow sea still lies between us. I'll fear the Dothraki the day they teach their horses to run on water.
Robert Baratheon: Do nothing. That's your wise advice? Do nothing 'til our enemies are on our shores? You're my council: counsel! Speak sense to this honorable fool!
Lord Varys: I understand your misgivings, my lord. Truly, I do. It is a terrible thing we must consider, a vile thing. Yet we who presume to rule must sometimes do vile things for the good of the realm. Should the gods grant Daenerys a son, the realm will bleed.
Grand Maester Pycelle: I bear this girl no ill will, how many innocents will die? How many towns will burn? Is it not wiser, kinder even, that she should die now so that tens of thousands might live?
Renly Baratheon: We should've had them both killed years ago.
Petyr Baelish: When you find yourself in bed with an ugly woman, best close your eyes, get it over with. Cut her throat. Be done with it.
Eddard Stark: [walks right up to Robert] I followed you into war. Twice. Without doubts, without second thoughts. But I will not follow you now. The Robert I grew up with didn't tremble at the shadow of an unborn child.
Robert Baratheon: She dies.
Eddard Stark: I will have no part in it.
Robert Baratheon: You're the King's Hand, Lord Stark. You'll do as I command, or I'll find me a Hand who will.
Eddard Stark: [takes off his badge of office and tosses it onto the table in front of Robert] And good luck to him. I thought you were a better man.
Robert Baratheon: Out. Out, damn you, I'm done with you!
[Ned turns and walks out]
Robert Baratheon: Go, run back to Winterfell! I'll have your head on a spike!
[Ned walking through the throne room as Robert's shouts trail after him]
Robert Baratheon: I'll find her myself, you fool! You think you're too good for this? Too proud and honorable? This is a war!

[Robert sits alone, drinking. Cersei enters]
Cersei Lannister: [teasing] I'm sorry your marriage to Ned Stark didn't work out. You seemed so good together.
Robert Baratheon: [dryly] I'm glad I could do something to make you happy.
Cersei Lannister: Without a Hand, everything will fall to pieces.
Robert Baratheon: I suppose this is where you tell me to give the job to your brother Jaime.
Cersei Lannister: He's not serious enough. I'll say this for Ned Stark: he's serious enough. Was it really worth it? Losing him this way?
[Robert places the cup on the table and stands]
Robert Baratheon: I don't know. But I do know this: If the Targaryen girl convinces her horselord husband to invade and the Dothraki horde crosses the Narrow Sea... we won't be able to stop them.
Cersei Lannister: The Dothraki don't sail. Every child knows that. They don't have discipline, they don't have armor, they don't have siege weapons.
Robert Baratheon: It's a neat little trick you do: you move your lips, and your father's voice comes out.
Cersei Lannister: Is my father wrong?
Robert Baratheon: Let's say Viserys Targaryen lands with 40,000 Dothraki screamers at his back. We hole up in our castles. A wise move. Only a fool would meet the Dothraki in an open field. They leave us in our castles. They go from town to town, looting and burning, killing every man who can't hide behind a stone wall, stealing all our crops and livestock, enslaving all our women and children. How long do the people of the Seven Kingdoms stand behind their absentee king, their cowardly king hiding behind high walls? When do the people decide that Viserys Targaryen is the rightful monarch after all?
Cersei Lannister: [pours herself wine and sits] We still outnumber them.
Robert Baratheon: Which is the bigger number, five or one?
Cersei Lannister: Five.
Robert Baratheon: [holds up his left fingers] Five...
Robert Baratheon: [clutches his right fist] ... one. One army, a real army, united behind one leader with one purpose. Our purpose died with the Mad King.
[Robert pours himself wine]
Robert Baratheon: Now we've got as many armies as there are men with gold in their purse, and everybody wants something different: your father wants to own the world. Ned Stark wants to run away and bury his head in the snow.
Cersei Lannister: What do you want?
Robert Baratheon: [drinks and sits] We haven't had a real fight in nine years. Back-stabbing doesn't prepare you for a fight. And that's all the realm is now: back-stabbing and scheming and arse-licking and money-rubbing. Sometimes I don't know what holds it together.
Cersei Lannister: Our marriage.
[Robert stares at Cersei, then bursts out laughing. Cersei joins his laughter]

Robert Baratheon: So here we sit, seventeen years later, holding it all together. Don't you get tired?
Cersei Lannister: Every day.
Robert Baratheon: How long can hate hold a thing together?
Cersei Lannister: Seventeen years is quite a long time.
Robert Baratheon: Yes, it is.
Cersei Lannister: Yes, it is.
[they drink from their cups]
Cersei Lannister: What was she like?
Robert Baratheon: [slightly puzzled] You've never asked about her, not once. Why now?
Cersei Lannister: At first, just saying her name even in private felt like I was breathing life back into her. I thought if I didn't talk about her, she'd just fade away for you. When I realized that wasn't going to happen, I refused to ask out of spite. I didn't want to give you the satisfaction of thinking I cared enough to ask. And eventually it became clear that my spite didn't mean anything to you. As far as I could tell, you actually enjoyed it.
Robert Baratheon: So why now?
Cersei Lannister: What harm could Lyanna Stark's ghost do to either of us that we haven't done to each other a hundred times over?
Robert Baratheon: [leans forward] You want to know the horrible truth? I can't even remember what she looked like. I only know she was the one thing I ever wanted... someone took her away from me, and seven kingdoms couldn't fill the hole she left behind.
Cersei Lannister: I felt something for you once, you know?
Robert Baratheon: [lowers his gaze] I know.
Cersei Lannister: Even after we lost our first boy. For quite a while, actually. Was it ever possible for us? Was there ever a time, ever a moment?
Robert Baratheon: [hesitates before answering] No.
[Cersei drinks from her cup]
Robert Baratheon: Does that make you feel better or worse?
Cersei Lannister: It doesn't make me feel anything.
[Cersei places her cup on the table, stands and leaves]


"Game of Thrones: Lord Snow (#1.3)" (2011)
Robert Baratheon: We're telling war stories. Who was your first kill, not counting old men?
Jaime Lannister: One of the outlaws in the Brotherhood.
Barristan Selmy: [to Jaime] I was there that way. You were only a squire, sixteen years old.
Jaime Lannister: [to Selmy] You killed Simon Toyne with a counter riposte. Best move I ever saw.
Barristan Selmy: Good fighter, Toyne, but he lacked stamina.
Robert Baratheon: Your outlaw... any last words?
Jaime Lannister: I cut his head off, so... no.
Robert Baratheon: What about Aerys Targaryen? What did the Mad King say when you stabbed him in the back? I never asked. Did he call you a traitor? Did he plead for a reprieve?
Jaime Lannister: He said the same thing he had been saying for hours... "burn them all".
[Robert gapes at Jaime]
Jaime Lannister: If that's all, your Grace...
[Jaime bows to Robert and Selmy, then leaves]

[Robert tells Barristan Selmy about his first killing]
Robert Baratheon: Mine was some Tarly boy at the battle of Summerhall. My horse took an arrow, so I was on foot slogging through the mud. He came running at me, this dumb highborn lad, thinking he could end the rebellion with a single swing of his sword. I knocked him down with the hammer. Gods, I was strong then! Caved in his breastplate, probably shattered every rib he had, stood over him, hammer in the air. Right before I brought it down, he shouted "Wait, wait".
[Robert chuckles to himself]
Robert Baratheon: They never tell you how they all shit themselves. They don't put that part in the songs... stupid boy. Now the Tarlys bend the knee like everyone else. He could have lingered on the edge of the battle with the smart boys, and today his wife would be making him miserable, his sons would be ingrates, and he'd be waking three times in the night to piss into a bowl. Wine!

Robert Baratheon: Yes, its been a long time. But I still remember every face. You remember your first?
Barristan Selmy: Of course, Your Grace.
Robert Baratheon: Who was it?
Barristan Selmy: A Tyroshi. Never learned the name.
Robert Baratheon: Hmm. How did you do it?
Barristan Selmy: Lance through the heart.
Robert Baratheon: Quick one. Lucky for you. Mine was some Tarly boy at the Battle of Summerhall. My horse took an arrow so I was on foot, slogging through the mud. He came running at me, the dumb high-born lad, thinking he could end the rebellion with a single swing of his sword. I knocked him down with the hammer. Gods, I was strong then. Caved in his breastplate. Probably shattered every rib he had. Stood over him, hammer in the air. Right before I brought it down he shouted, "Wait! Wait." They never tell you how they all shit themselves. They don't put that part in the songs. Stupid boy. Now the Tarly's bend the knee like everyone else. He could have lingered on the edge of the battle with the smart boys, and today his wife would be making him miserable, his sons would be ingrates, and he'd be waking three times in the night to piss into a bowl.

Robert Baratheon: [after Jaime enters the room] Surrounded by Lannisters. Everytime I close my eyes I see their blonde hair and their smug, satisfied faces. It must wound your pride, huh? Standing out their like a glorified sentry. Jaime Lannister, son of the mighty Tywin... forced to mind the door while your king eats and drinks and shits and fucks. So come on. We're telling war stories. Who was your first kill, not counting old men?
Jaime Lannister: One of the outlaws in the brotherhood.
Barristan Selmy: I was there that day. You were only a squire, 16 years old.
Jaime Lannister: You killed Simon Toyne with a counter riposte. Best move I ever saw. A good fighter, Toyne, but he lacked stamina.
Robert Baratheon: Your outlaw... any last words?
Jaime Lannister: I cut his head off, so no.
Barristan Selmy: Hmm.
Robert Baratheon: What about Aerys Targaryen? What did the Mad King say when you stabbed him in the back? I never asked. Did he call you a traitor? Did he plead for a reprieve?
Jaime Lannister: He said the same thing he'd been saying for hours..."Burn them all." If that's all, Your Grace...
[Jaime leaves the room]


"Game of Thrones: A Golden Crown (#1.6)" (2011)
[Robert strikes Cersei across the face]
Cersei Lannister: I shall wear this as a badge of honor.
Robert Baratheon: Wear it in silence or I'll honor you again.

[Robert, Renly, Ser Barristan Selmy and Lancel are on hunting trip. Robert and Renly are armed with boar spears. Lancel carries a wineskin]
Lancel Lannister: More wine, your Grace?
[Robert takes the wineskin and drinks deeply. Then he hands it back to Lancel]
Robert Baratheon: What was I saying?
Renly Baratheon: Simpler time.
Robert Baratheon: It was! It was. You're too young to remember. Wasn't it simpler, Selmy?
Renly Baratheon: It was, Your Grace.
Robert Baratheon: The enemy was right in the open, vicious as you like, all but sending you a bloody invitation. Nothing like today.
Renly Baratheon: It sounds exhilarating.
Robert Baratheon: Exhilarating, yes. Not as exhilarating as those balls and masquerades you like to throw.
[Robert chuckles]
Robert Baratheon: You ever fuck a Riverlands girl?
Renly Baratheon: Once. I think.
Robert Baratheon: You think? I think you'd remember. Back in our day, you weren't a real man until you'd fucked one girl from each of the Seven Kingdoms and the Riverlands. We used to call it "making the eight".
Renly Baratheon: [dryly] Those were some lucky girls.
Robert Baratheon: You ever make the eight, Barristan?
Barristan Selmy: I don't believe so, Your Grace.
Robert Baratheon: [chuckles] Those were the days.
[Renly stops and glares at his elder brother]
Renly Baratheon: [angrily] Which days, exactly? The ones where half of Westeros fought the other half and millions died? Or before that, when the Mad King slaughtered women and babies because the voices in his head told him they deserved it? Or way before that, when dragons burned whole cities to the ground?
Robert Baratheon: [threateningly] Easy, boy. You might be my brother, but you're speaking to the King.
Renly Baratheon: [disgustedly] I suppose it was all rather heroic... if you were drunk enough and had some poor Riverlands whore to shove your prick inside and "make the eight".
[Renly storms away]
Lancel Lannister: More wine, Your Grace?
[again, Robert takes the wineskin and drinks deeply. Barristan Selmy looks at him concerned. Robert hands the wineskin back to Lancel and continues walking. Lancel and Selmy follow him]


"Game of Thrones: Winter Is Coming (#1.1)" (2011)
Robert Baratheon: Lord Eddard Stark, I would name you the Hand of the King.


"Game of Thrones: Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things (#1.4)" (2011)
Robert Baratheon: We've been sitting here for days! Start the damn joust before I piss myself...