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] Happy birthday to you / Happy Birthday to you / Happy birthday, dear George / Happy birthday to you. George
: Isn't it great to be three hundred and twenty-seven!
[George takes a deep breath to blow out the candles
: Sorry, Janet, I got carried away. Those candles looked lovely. Janet
: Yes, we had to stop when we got to three hundred; the girls at Tesco would have thought we were doing a black mass. Tyler
: We can still do it. All you need's a chicken and a knife. Janet
: Thanks, Tyler. Tyler
: And a couple of virgins. Arnie
: In Northolt?
: You could go through... the flaming time-tunnel of Tarxis. Tyler
: Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
[opens jacket showing shirt with slogan: "I went through the flaming time-tunnel of Tarxis"
: So what is it? Arnie
: It alters an Ultronians temporal field by re-jigging the age hormones. Ultronian women use it sometimes instead of a facelift. George
: Oh, I remember. Who's that famous Ultronian? Arnie
: Her Earth name's Joan Collins. She's been through so many times she's got a season ticket.
: No. It's not true. The snakes are real. Tyler
: Don't give me that. You'd be telling me next Ant and Dec are real. George Sunday
: Ant and Dec are real. Tyler
: They're animatronic! Think about it, that's how they can do so many shows. George Sunday
: No Tyler, they're real. It's Simon Cowell who's animatronic.
: Hi, I'm Inga. I will be the perfect helper. I will make lots of phone calls, ignore the childrens, and will walk round the house dressed in my underclothing when your husband is around. George
: Well, it sounds good to me. You're hired! Janet
: No, George! Tyler
: Can I have an au pair? Janet
: He did say he didn't like the name Pontius.
[Janet smiles triumphantly
: Or Benjamin. Janet
: Oh. So what name does he want? Tyler
: Apollo 11. George
: Apollo 11? Tyler
: Yeah, he said he wants the name that'll symbolize the link between two heavenly bodies; so it was either Apollo 11 or Battlestar Galactica. George
: We could call him Apollo. Janet
: Or Ollie for short. George
: Ollie, yes.
: You all right master? George Sunday
: No. No, I'm not all right. My job has caused me to put my wife and child in great danger. Janet Dawkins
: George, be careful with your secret, there's someone here. Arnie
: He's a Jehovah's Witness! Who's going to listen to him?
: I meant to get here an hour ago, only I forgot the clocks went forwards. Stanley
: The clocks didn't go forward. Tyler
: Clocks always go forwards.
: Got any coffee I can borrow? George
: I don't drink coffee. Tyler
: I don't drink coffee either. It's a drug. It messes with your brain. George
: Why do you want some then? Tyler
: I'm flying to Neptune and I need it to fuel the rockets.
: She knows her stuff. She was web mistress of the Health Centre website. Tyler
: Didn't know the Health Centre had a website. Mrs. Raven
: They haven't now. The Health Authority objected to my special feature on euthanasia. Fifty Ways to Kill Your Lover.
: Welcome back, Master. Was it the floods in Japan? George
: No, an office party in Melbourne. A couple was locked in the stationery cupboard. It was very strange; they hardly knew each other, yet they had no clothes on. Janet
: Christmas, George. George
: Ah, they were worshiping Jesus, then. Janet
: I doubt it. George
: They called out his name a lot.
: Master, let me explain. Janet
: Thank you, Tyler. Tyler
: Crickets are different from baseball, because in cricket, you not only have a bat and a ball, you also have horses and leather-clad women with metal spikes. Janet
: No, you don't! Tyler
: You do in my version.
: I saw Godzilla at the theatre last night; it was amazing. George
: Really! Tyler
: Yeah, he was sitting behind me. This enormous great lizard. He made a terrible noise eating his popcorn.
: So, how'd it go last night? Janet
: You should have come! George served up compost. George
: It was either that or tofu, and no-one should ever have to eat that.
: Do you remember me telling you about the devil-women of Zytog? Tyler
: After mating, they rip off their men's heads, and they use them for footballs. Arnie
: Pussycats compared to a worried earth mom.
: I'm not mad. People who worship Elvis are mad, not me. 'Cause I saw Elvis last week, pushing a trolley full of pies 'round Tesco, and he's not worth worshiping.