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Quotes for
Mrs Raven (Character)
from "My Hero" (2000)

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"My Hero: Wedding (#2.6)" (2001)
[first lines]
George: Now you look after yourself.
Janet: I will. Love you.
George: Love you too.
[they kiss]
Mrs Raven: That'll stop when they're knee-deep in nappies.
Ella: Nappies? Janet! You're not pregnant?
Janet: Pregnant? Course I'm not pregnant! Do I look pregnant?
[Janet's belly swells up, breaking her belt]
Janet: George?
George: Yup, you look pregnant to me.

George: What am I supposed to do, Mrs Raven? Why did you say yes to Mr Raven?
Mrs Raven: Because before he proposed he said those three little words. Have another gin.

Mrs Raven: Oh my God, you're going to have triplets like me.
Janet: It's only the one.
Mrs Raven: Trust me, that's not a baby; that's a conspiracy. You can join my group.
Janet: What group?
Mrs Raven: Mums Against Triplets. We go round each other's houses and stick pins in things that come in threes. Mind you that's probably how I got pregnant in the first place.

"My Hero: Night Fever (#5.10)" (2005)
[first lines]
George: Morning, darling.
Mrs Raven: Good morning, George.
George: [jumps out of bed] Ooo ooo-ooo!
Mrs Raven: What's the matter, darling?
George: Where's Janet?
Mrs Raven: Who?
George: Janet? Janet!

[last lines]
George: Ah, the nights are my own again. Who cares what I dream about.
[gets into bed]
George: Aah. I do love you, darling, and I'll always be here for you.
Mrs Raven: Well, just until mum's back in prison.
[George screams in terror]

"My Hero: Mine's a Double (#3.8)" (2002)
Janet Dawkins: Oh, look, Operation! That was my favorite.
Ella Dawkins: You have to take all that man's organs out with a pair of tweezers.
Mrs. Raven: NHS patient, is he?

Arnie: She knows her stuff. She was web mistress of the Health Centre website.
Tyler: Didn't know the Health Centre had a website.
Mrs. Raven: They haven't now. The Health Authority objected to my special feature on euthanasia. Fifty Ways to Kill Your Lover.

"My Hero: Big Bother (#5.9)" (2005)
AA Patient: May I ask you something in confidence?
Mrs Raven: Yeah, of course.
[he whispers something in her ear]
Mrs Raven: I'm not sure.
Mrs Raven: Anyone know where Alcoholics Anonymous meets?
[several patients shake their heads]
Mrs Raven: No, can't help you.

Piers: I think I've died and gone to Heaven.
Mrs Raven: Makes a change; it's normally your patients.
Piers: That wasn't Mrs Smith. That was Jessica Strong, the film star.
Janet: Wow! So why did she come to you?
Piers: She wanted a private, discreet examination by a top professional.
Mrs Raven: So why did she come to you?

"My Hero: Pet Rescue (#3.3)" (2002)
Mrs Raven: And another thing, what about the baby?
Janet: What about the baby?
Mrs Raven: Babies and pets, recipe for absolute disaster.
Janet: Oh, really!
Mrs Raven: First thing that the health visitor said to me when I had the triplets: "I'm sorry, Mrs Raven, but you're going to have to get rid of that python."
Janet: That's a python.
Mrs Raven: Hm, it was really hard when we had to part. I kept flushing, but it just would not go.

Mrs Raven: [on telephone] It's Northolt Health Centre here, Mrs Lucas. Your husband made an appointment to see Dr Crispin at four o'clock today, and it's now four thirty. Well, I was just wondering: is he thinking of popping along at all, or does he just fix up appointments as some sort of sick joke?
Mrs Raven: I see. And when did the death occur?
Mrs Raven: An hour ago. It didn't occur to you, I suppose, to phone up and cancel the appointment.
Mrs Raven: It's all very well saying sorry now, but the damage is done.
[hangs up]
Mrs Raven: It's all self, self, self with some people!

"My Hero: Puttin' on the Writs (#3.5)" (2002)
Mrs Raven: [about the triplets] They're at that difficult age: too old for borstal, too young for prison.

Mrs Raven: You tricked me! I should have realized that you'd never know what to do if confronted by a poisonous insect!
George: What I normally do is say: "Good morning, Mrs Raven."

"My Hero: Baby Talk (#3.1)" (2002)
Mrs Raven: [on the phone] I shan't tell you again. If I have to leave this desk and come round there, you won't be able to sit down for a week!
Mrs Raven: Good boy.
[hangs up]
Piers: Triplets again?
Mrs Raven: Greg Dyke.

"My Hero: The Consultant (#4.8)" (2003)
Piers: Mrs Raven, your pay is very fair with *excellent* performance-related bonuses.
Janet: She gets bonuses!
Piers: Yes, twenty pounds for every day she doesn't make a patient cry.
Janet: When did she last manage that?
Mrs Raven: 1998.
Piers: We only had one patient all day, whom you chloroformed on arrival.

"My Hero: Cassie Come Home (#5.4)" (2005)
Ella Dawkins: Mrs Raven, it's not actually my job to advise you on how to mistreat children.
Mrs. Raven: That's a shame, 'cause you're very good at it.

"My Hero: Little Green Man (#3.7)" (2002)
[last lines]
George: Here, I brought you some cake. You can share it with whoever you like.
Janet: Are you sure?
George: Oh, yeah. I'm cured. Mrs Raven?
[he offers her the cake]
George: Piers, would you like a slice of cake?
Mrs Raven: Hello, Arnie.

"My Hero: Car (#2.3)" (2001)
Janet: But if Mr Right came along?
Mrs Raven: There is no Mr Right. There's only Mr Crap, Mr Tit, and their friend Mr Total Tosser. The only good place for a man's on a mortuary slab.

"My Hero: Illegal Aliens (#5.2)" (2005)
Janet: Do you really think that he can be Piers's son?
Hugo Blisset: Morning, Janet. Look, Dad tells me your husband prefers guys. So, if your fire's going out and you want it stoking, give me a call. Ciao.
Janet, Mrs Raven: Yeah, that's Piers's son.

"My Hero: Time and Time Again (#4.10)" (2003)
[first lines]
Janet: Ooh.
Mrs Raven: What is it?
Janet: Oh, it's nothing. I get this occasional twinge in my arm. I broke it when I was a child.
Janet: Oh, don't talk to me about broken arms.
Janet: Why?
Mrs Raven: Cause I'm not interested.

"My Hero: How Green Was My Ollie (#5.8)" (2005)
Mrs Raven: I'll have to start going to church again.
Janet: Again?
Mrs Raven: I used to go regularly, just to throw confetti.
Janet: Aaah. I do like a good wedding.
Mrs Raven: This was at funerals.

"My Hero: Zero Tolerance (#3.2)" (2002)
[first lines]
Janet: Those jabs should do the trick. Have a good holiday. Mrs Legg's going to Kenya, Mrs Raven.
Mrs Raven: Oh! Oh, I know somebody who's just been to Kenya.
Janet: Really?
Mrs Raven: Yeah, that malaria case this morning. Talk about ill, and she had all the jabs. Fat lot of good they did her. They nearly brought her back in a body bag. Don't go without making a will.

"My Hero: Nothing to Hide (#5.5)" (2005)
Janet: What *are* you wearing?
Piers: It's the Warhol look.
Mrs Raven: It's the something-hole look.

"My Hero: Big (#4.7)" (2003)
[first lines]
Patient: Excuse me.
Mrs Raven: What?
Patient: [holding up empty plastic bottle] Dr Crispin asked me to provide a sample.
Mrs Raven: You missed.

"My Hero: Pregnant (#2.5)" (2001)
George: How on earth did you get pregnant, Mrs Raven?
Mrs Raven: A night of passion and a lifetime of regret.
George: A night of passion!
Mrs Raven: It's a cocktail. Two parts tequila, three parts... a lot more tequila.

"My Hero: Parents (#2.1)" (2001)
[first lines]
Janet: [to teenager with severe acne] This ointment should help to clear them up, but don't you worry. People don't notice them nearly as much as you think.
Teenager: I've got to fix another appoint...
Mrs Raven: Oh!
Mrs Raven: Look at those whoppers! I'll put you in for nine o'clock Monday. Come in the back way so you don't frighten the other patients.

"My Hero: Pilot (#1.1)" (2000)
Piers: So, Mrs Raven, you doing anything remotely interesting tonight?
Mrs Raven: I'm taking the triplets to see the exorcist.
Piers: Hm. Great movie.
Mrs Raven: Who's talking about the movie?

"My Hero: Nemesis (#2.4)" (2001)
George: What age were they then?
Mrs Raven: Six... six... six.