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: Our top story tonight, I have been cast as the lead in the Quahog Players' production of The King And I. Tom Tucker
: In other news, I wont be going to the play because I'm sure it will be lousy. Diane Simmons
: This just in: Tom, you're such a closet case. Tom Tucker
: We now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?
: Dad! There's an evil monkey in my closet! Tom Tucker
: I do not care son. I just do not care!
: Jake brought vodka to the school dance, and Chris got blamed for it, and it's really turn his life upside-down face.
[Stewie stares at Brian in disbelief
] Tom Tucker
: It's no concern to me if it's turned his life upside-down face, Jake's a good boy! Isn't that right, Jake? Jake Tucker
: Coming up, a local claims to have spotted Big Foot. We've got the exclusive interview here. Redneck
: I was about to bone my girlfriend, but suddenly she yelled. I looked up and it was Big Foot? Tom Tucker
: So what did you do after that? Redneck
: I went back to bone her, but the mosquitoes went crazy and she said there was no way.