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: Finkelstein? Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery
: Mm-hmm. Kitty Montgomery
: Edward, what's the name of our Jewish friends? Edward Montgomery
: The Gottliebs, dear. Kitty Montgomery
: Right, the Gottliebs. Do you know them? Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery
: Uh, no. Actually, I wasn't raised Jewish. My dad started his own church though, but no one really came. Well, except the IRS.
: How can marriage not be about love? Kitty Montgomery
: I don't know. Ask your father.
: So, how long have you two been dating? Greg Montgomery
: Actually, we're not dating. We're married.
: What is that dreadful smell? Abby O'Neil
: I'm burning sage to cleanse the room of evil spirits. Kitty Montgomery
: Well, how about I open the window and let the little devils out.
Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery
: Kitty? Kitty? Kitty? It's piercing my brain. Kitty Montgomery
: Good. Won't fall off.
: Mother, I'm not representing you. Kitty Montgomery
: Well, "thank you for sending me to law school!"
[Kitty reluctantly admits that her $1.5 million dollar lawsuit against Larry was initiated when her tailbone injury forced her to use an inflatable donut cushion while sitting next to the mayor at a fundraiser and the cushion made a sound imitating flatulence
] Larry Finkelstein
: Would the plaintiff please demonstrate for the court how the alleged sound was allegedly made? Kitty Montgomery
: I most certainly will not! Larry Finkelstein
: Your honor? Pete Cavanaugh
: The witness will comply, under the, uh..."this-I-gotta-see" rule.
: Jane, what are you doing here? Jane
: Larry was looking for Abby at your place. I offered him a ride since I was coming over to do my laundry. Kitty Montgomery
: Why on earth would I let you do your laundry here? Jane
: Kitty, look around. I'm the least of your problems.
: I know that, um, that the two of you don't have what one would consider a traditional relationship. However, you still have a relationship that has lasted twenty-eight years. Abby O'Neil
: Twenty-nine if you count from when he started watching me with binoculars.
: What's important to me is getting up in the morning and doing what makes me happy. Kitty Montgomery
: Oh my God, he's going into entertainment law. Greg Montgomery
: No, I'm going to be a chef.
: Do you realize what you've done? Do you realize how you have destroyed my family? Do you realize how you have absolutely made my life a living hell? Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery
: Is this stuff you already told me, or is this new stuff?
: Hey, you know what, Kitty? Greg and I worked really hard, but I think you guys deserve this. Kitty Montgomery
: What is this? Greg
: It's a duck. Edward Montgomery
: That's not a duck; it's a goose. Dharma
: Yes. But Captain, my Captain, 'goose' does not rhyme.
: [Kitty enters living room in sunbonnet and stocking feet
] Mom, where are your shoes? Kitty Montgomery
: Oh, darling... I can't do the accent AND wear shoes at the same time!
[Edward enters room, dressed as Colonel Sanders
] Greg Montgomery
: [seeing Edward
: Come along, Edward. There's someone I want you to meet. Edward Montgomery
: I hope his name is Johnnie Walker. Kitty Montgomery
: It's the archbishop. Edward Montgomery
: I hope his name is Archbishop Johnnie Walker.
: Who are you? Kitty Montgomery
: It's none of your business. Trina
: It so happens that Greg is a very good friend of mine so I'm making it my business. Kitty Montgomery
: I am his mother. Trina
: Oh, I heard about you. Let me ask you a question, mommy. Trina
: Can a woman wear white to a wedding if she wasn't a virgin when she still had a penis?
: Oh, Gregory, darling, every bride thinks she wants to cook a Thanksgiving dinner and it always ends up the same. Someone cries, someone is rushed to the emergency room and a perfectly lovely bird gets wasted. Which, if I don't eat soon, will be *me*.
: [protesting gift to Dharma's
] The Stratovarius is priceless. Beatrice
: So is that expression on your face.
: I wanted to alert you all to a- to a small problem. As you- as you do know, it is raining. Uh, and it seems that the rain is gathering inside "Inverted Cone No. 8", um, which is acting effectively as a funnel... um, causing a minor flooding condition in- in the parking area. Patron
: What are you saying, that our cars are underwater? Kitty Montgomery
: Actually, I'm trying very hard not to say that.
: [rushes into hospital
] Dharma! Is Gregory going to be alright? Dharma Finkelstein Montgomery
: It's fine. He's fine. I'm just doing his paperwork. Do you have any mental illness in your family? Kitty Montgomery
: Not until recently.