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Quotes for
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon (Character)
from "Absolutely Fabulous" (1992)

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"Absolutely Fabulous: Death (#2.2)" (1994)
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Edwina dear, your father is dead.
Saffie: Well done.
Eddie: "Well done"? Did she finish him off or something?
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: That was it, wasn't it, dear? I'm not going mad, am I?
Saffie: Grandad has died! Is that all you can do? All you can say? Don't you think Gran needs a little bit more?
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Oh, don't drag me into it, dear. She's doing her best, I'm sure. Now don't you get yourself into a state.
Saffie: Your father is dead! What does that make you feel, mum?
[Edina is smiling]
Saffie: ... And you can stop smirking!

Patsy: Eddie tells me that Mr. M... you know... dead.
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: That's right.
Patsy: Well, I um... condole you.
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Thank you dear.
Patsy: He chose the right season to go.
Saffie: What do you mean?
Patsy: Well Harvey Nicks have got some really tasty little black numbers at the moment. And black is like "in". You wouldn't have to wear it only the once. It's my job to know these things.

Sondra Lorrance: I too have felt great sadness. You are talking to someone who has sat through "Beaches" twelve times.
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Really?

[last lines]
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Let's hope someone fills them in before they get help.
Patsy: Eddie!


"Absolutely Fabulous: France (#1.3)" (1992)
Mother: It's a sort of space-age teapot, isn't it dear? A teapot to boldly go, where no teapot has been before, to seek out new life forms.

Mother: What might one use to put the tea in the pot with, dear?
Eddie: A teaspoon, a bloody, buggery teaspoon!
Mother: Ooh! A bloody, buggery teaspoon. That sounds rather clever. And what did one fill the kettle from? The bloody marvelous tap, I suppose?

Mother: This filtered water boils very fast.
Bubble: That's because there's less of it.
Mother: Ah.


"Absolutely Fabulous: Fat (#1.2)" (1992)
Eddie: I mean, what you two don't seem to realize is that inside of me... , inside of me, there is a thin person just screaming to get out.
Mother: Just the one, dear?

Eddie: And do you know, darling, the real problem started, sweetie, because I wasn't even breast-fed.
Mother: Oh, don't be ridiculous, dear. It wasn't done in those days.
[points to Edina]
Mother: Imagine me having that clamped to my breast.
Eddie: Mmm... I want better for you, darling. I want better for you, I don't want you ending up like me, with all my complicated, but still rather marvelous hang-ups. I don't want that, sweetie. I don't want that. At least you were breast-fed.


"Absolutely Fabulous: New Best Friend (#2.4)" (1994)
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: [listening to Edina cheat with Max on the baby monitor] ... Is that Radio 4 dear?

Eddie: No, no, no, no. You're gonna have to go. You're gonna have to go. Come on. You have to go. Come on...
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: But dear, I've just...
Eddie: Just close your sad rag and clear! Come on.


"Absolutely Fabulous: Birthday (#1.5)" (1992)
Saffron: You stay and talk to them.
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: Oh no.
Saffron: Go back and talk to them, please.
Mrs. June 'Gran' 'Mother' Monsoon: I'd rather kiss a baboon's bottom.


"Absolutely Fabulous: Hospital (#2.1)" (1994)
Dream Mother: [to Edina] I was just passing dear. Goodness, you're looking young. You hardly seem to have changed since you were a little girl.