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Captain of Mohican
: Mr. Haverstock, I want a talk with you. Johnny Jones
: Yes sir? Captain of Mohican
: I just found out you're a newspaperman. Johnny Jones
: I guess that's right. Captain of Mohican
: Oh, it is, eh? Why didn't you tell me that when I questioned you? You lied to me, sir! Johnny Jones
: My dear captain, when you've been shot down in a British plane by a German destroyer, 300 miles off the coast of England, latitude 45, and have been hanging on to a half-submerged wing for hours, waiting to drown, with half a dozen other stricken human beings, you're liable to forget you're a newspaperman for a moment or two!
: I'm in love with a girl, and I'm going to help hang her father.
: I'm in love with you, and I want to marry you. Carol Fisher
: I'm in love with you, and I want to marry you. Johnny Jones
: Hmm... that cuts down our love scene quite a bit, doesn't it?
: I came 4,000 miles to get a story. I get shot at like a duck in a shooting gallery, I get pushed off buildings, I *get* the story, and then I've got to shut up!
[Radio broadcast from London
] Johnny Jones
: Hello, America. I've been watching a part of the world being blown to pieces. A part of the world as nice as Vermont, and Ohio
] Johnny Jones
: , and Virginia, and California, and Illinois lies ripped up and bleeding like a steer in a slaughterhouse, and I've seen things that make the history of the savages read like Pollyanna legends. I've seen women...
[bombs begin exploding
] English Announcer
: It's a raid; we shall have to postpone the broadcast. Johnny Jones
: Oh, postpone, nothing! Let's go on as long as we can. English Announcer
: Madam, we have a shelter downstairs. Johnny Jones
: How about it, Carol? Carol Fisher
: They're listening in America, Johnny. Johnny Jones
: Okay, we'll tell 'em, then. I can't read the rest of the speech I had, because the lights have gone out, so I'll just have to talk off the cuff. All that noise you hear isn't static - it's death, coming to London. Yes, they're coming here now. You can hear the bombs falling on the streets and the homes. Don't tune me out, hang on a while - this is a big story, and you're part of it. It's too late to do anything here now except stand in the dark and let them come... as if the lights were all out everywhere, except in America. Keep those lights burning, cover them with steel, ring them with guns, build a canopy of battleships and bombing planes around them. Hello, America, hang on to your lights: they're the only lights left in the world!
: If you knew how much I love you, you'd faint.
: This is Scott ffolliott, newspaperman same as you. Foreign correspondent. Mr. Haverstock, Mr. ffolliott. Scott ffolliott
: With a double 'F'. Johnny Jones
: How do you do? Scott ffolliott
: How do you do? Johnny Jones
: I don't get the double 'F'. Scott ffolliott
: They're at the beginning. Both small 'F's Johnny Jones
: They can't be at the beginning. Scott ffolliott
: One of my ancestors was beheaded by Henry VIII. His wife dropped the capital letter to commemorate it. There it is. Johnny Jones
: How do you say it, like a stutter? Scott ffolliott
: No, just a straight 'fuh'.
: How would you like to cover the biggest story in the world today? Johnny Jones
: Give me and expense account and I'll cover anything. Mr. Powers
: I'll give you an expense account. Johnny Jones
: Okay, What's the story? Mr. Powers
: Europe. Johnny Jones
: Well, I'm afraid I'm not exactly equipped, sir, but I can do some reading up. Mr. Powers
: No no, no reading up. I like you just as you are, Mr. Jones. What Europe needs is a fresh, unused mind. Johnny Jones
: Foreign correspondent, huh? Mr. Powers
: No, reporter. I don't want correspondence, I want news.
: [Powers is giving Jones instructions on whom he should interview in Europe
] Anyone else? Mr. Powers
: No. Johnny Jones
: Well how about Hitler? Don't you think it would be a good idea to pump him? He must have something on his mind.
: Oh, Miss, please... A Scotch and soda, and a glass of milk. Johnny Jones
: A glass of milk? Stebbins
: Yeah, I'm on the wagon. I went to the doctor today to see about these jitters I got, and he said it was the wagon for a month, or a whole new set of organs. I can't afford a whole new set of organs. Johnny Jones
: Well, if I'd known you were on the wagon, I could've got along all right without this, but as long as it's here...
] Johnny Jones
: Good luck! Stebbins
: [watches him drink
] Good? Johnny Jones
: Yes, it's just like any other Scotch and soda. Stebbins
] That's what I thought.
: Doesn't taste the same as when I was a baby...
: Who has he shot? Johnny Jones
: Van Meer assassinated. Scott ffolliott
: Dead? Johnny Jones
: Looked like it. Scott ffolliott
: Bad show. Johnny Jones
: Couldn't be much worse from his point of view.
Fake Dutch Detective
: We simply want you to come with us if you will and tell your story to our chief of police here. Johnny Jones
: Well, let me get this straight. Does this chief of police speak English? Because I'm a very busy man. Fake Dutch Detective
: It will take no more than half an hour, Sir. We all speak English. Johnny Jones
: All speak English? Well, that's marvelous. That's more than I can say for my country.
: Look, I'm in love with you. I can't hit you over the head with a scandal as a wedding present.
: They'll stick to me like a couple of tattoo marks.
: Ring Mayfair 24574... Stebbins
: [gets out notebook
] Let me write that... Scott ffolliott
: Mayfair 24574. That's my cousin. He's the director of the airline. Tell him we need two seats on tomorrow's clipper for America. Then go to Hilton Nursing Home and stick by Van Meer. Then phone Miss Edith Armbruster, Kensington 66255. Tell her I'm off to America. Will she dine with me next Monday instead of tomorrow? Stebbins
: Sure. Scott ffolliott
: Then call up Stevens at The Post, tell him I'm off to America. Johnny Jones
: Cable New York, tell them I'm off to America! Scott ffolliott
: [as they run off
] Ring up Crescent Dancing Academy and cancel my rhumba lesson! Stebbins
: [reads it back to himself
] Two ham sandwiches on rye.