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: So what do you want to do, bonehead? Just sit around and wait to see who drops next? Dewey
: I don't know.
[Gale's phone rings
: Look, Gale's no killer. Randy
: Ok, all right then, but if she's not a killer, she's a target.
: When did she start smoking? Randy
: Ever since those nude pictures on the internet. Gale
: It was just my head, it was Jennifer Aniston's body!
: I feel bad Dewey, I feel really bad! I never say that cause I never feel bad about anything, but I feel bad now. Dewey
: Is this just another brilliant Gale Weathers performance? Gale
: There are no cameras here. I just wanna find this fucker! I really do.
: It's happening again, isn't it? Dewey
: You'd love that, wouldn't you? Better hurry Gale, might get scooped.
: So I am heading down to Admissions to do some legwork, you game? Dewey
: I'm not here to write a book Miss Weathers, I'm here to help Syd. Gale
: I wanna help her too, and help myself, of course. Come on Dewey, smile for me once, please! Dewey
: I'll smile when I catch the killer.
: How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation, used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively manuever within any given situation?
: Mickey, the freaky Tarantino film student. But if he's a suspect, so am I. Lets move on. Dewey
: Wait a minute. Maybe you are a suspect. Randy
: Well if I'm a suspect, you're a suspect. Dewey
: Good point. Ok, let's move on to...
: Typically, serial killers are white male. Randy
: That's why it's perfect! It's sort of against the rules but not really. Mrs. Voorhees was a terrific serial killer, and there's always room for Candyman's daughter. She's sweet, she's deadly, she's bad for your teeth.
: Is that a threat, Detective? Mark
: When it's a threat... you'll know it. Dewey
: Was that a threat?
: Surprise. Surprise. Someone dies and Gale comes running.
: I did write the definitive book on the Woodsboro Murders. Dewey
: And I'm sure you just can't wait to write another one.
: The killer called her. Mark
: When? Gale
: What'd he say? Sidney
: Oh you know the usual small talk. "What's new?" "How you been?" "How do you wanna die?"
[interrupting a moment between Dewey and Gale
] Jennifer Jolie
] What the fuck happened to you? Dwight 'Dewey' Riley
: Jennifer, wait a minute. Jennifer Jolie
: Who gave you a place to stay? Who are you supposed to be protecting? Dwight 'Dewey' Riley
[Jennifer slugs Dewey
] Gale Weathers
[Gale slugs Jennifer
] Jennifer Jolie
: My. Lawyer. Liked. That. Gale Weathers
: Not as much as I did.
: Told ya I'd make a movie someday, huh? Sidney
: Oh my god. Randy
: Well, if you're watching this tape, it means as I feared. I did not survive these killings here at Windsor College. And that giving up my virginity to Karen Kolchec at the video store was probably not a good idea. Dewey
: Karen Kolchec? Randy
: Yes, Karen Kolchec. Dewey
: Creepy Karen? Randy
: Shut up. She's a sweet person, okay? We were working late. We were putting away some videos in the porno section and ya know, shit happens. paul
: [Knocking in background
] Open the door Randy. Randy
: 15 minutes. paul
: It's my room too. Randy
: Paul, 15 minutes. I'm leaving my legacy.
: 15 minutes Paul. Damn! Anyway, the reason I am here is to help you so that my death will not be in vain; That my life's work will save some other poor soul from getting mutilated. If this killer does come back and he's for real, there are a few things that you gotta remember. Is this simply another sequel? Well if it is, same rules apply. But-here's the critical thing-if you find yourself dealing with an unexpected back story and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules DO NOT apply. Because you are not dealing with a sequel, you are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy. Dewey
: Trilogy? Randy
: That's right, it's a rarity in the horror field but it does exist, and it is a force to be reckoned with. Because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get go. Godfather, Jedi, all revealed something that we thought was true that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy you are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules: 1. You got a killer who's going to be super human. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically in the third one you gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up. 2. Anyone including the main character can die. This means you Syd. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fucking 'Reservoir Dogs' by the time this thing is through. Number 3. The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest. Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you. So in closing, let me say good luck, god speed, and for some of you, I'll see you soon. 'Cause the rules say some of you ain't gonna make it. I didn't, not if you're watching this tape.
Sheriff Dewey Riley
: One generation's tragedy is the next one's joke.
] Gale Weathers-Riley
: Dewey, what's going on? Sheriff Dewey Riley
: That is not public information. Gale Weathers-Riley
: It's all over the Internet! Sheriff Dewey Riley
] It is?
Deputy Judy Hicks
: Did you get a call from the killer? Kirby Reed
: No. Is... is that a bad thing? Does that mean I'm not gonna live as long as these two? Sheriff Dewey Riley
: No. Maybe. Of course not! Just uh... just be careful. Kirby Reed
: Oh my god, did you hear that? I'm gonna be next!
: Promise me something? Sheriff Dewey Riley
: Anything. Gale Weathers-Riley
: Catch that motherfucker.
: Just think, if they make a movie about all this, who would play you? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: I see you as a young Meg Ryan, myself. Sidney Prescott
: Thanks, Dewey, but with my luck I'd get Tori Spelling.
: Looks like we've got a serial killer on our hands! Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: Well, a "serial killer" is not really accurate. Gotta knock off a couple more to get that title. Gale
: Well, we can help, can't we? I mean, we certainly don't have any leads. Have you located Sidney's father yet? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: No, not yet. Gale
: Well, he's not a suspect, is he? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: We haven't ruled him out as a possibility.
[He becomes aware that he is gazing too long at her eyes
] Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: If you'll excuse me.
[Dewey turns away, but Gale pursues and grabs his arm
: I'm sorry, am I keeping you? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: [Turning back to her, he removes his hat
] If I may say so, Miss Weathers, you are much prettier in person.
[He gives her a flirty smile and turns away again to run up the school steps
] So you do watch the show!
[Dewey stops and turns back
] Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: I'm 25. I was 24 for a whole year.
[Gale runs across the school campus to Dewey
: Is there a problem on campus? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: No. Everything's under control. Gale
] Well, of course. You're here. Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: You're not supposed to be here. Gale
: I know. I should be in New York covering the Sharon Stone stalker, but who knew?
: You look awfully young to be a police officer. Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: I'm 25 years old. Gale
: You know, in a demographic study, I proved to be most popular amongst males 11 to 24. I guess I just missed you.
: Of course, you don't look a day over 12. Except in that...
[She looks him up and down, admiringly
: ... upper torso area. Does the force require you to work out? Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: [Charmed, despite his common sense:
] No, ma'am. 'Cause of my boyish good looks, muscle mass has increased my acceptance as a serious police officer.
[They smile at each other
Deputy Dwight "Dewey" Riley
: He's my superior! Tatum
: Janitor is your superior.