Joe Morelli
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Quotes for
Joe Morelli (Character)
from One for the Money (2012)

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One for the Money (2012)
[Morelli tosses Stephanie's car keys into a dumpster, then drives away]
Joe Morelli: Good to see you, Cupcake!
Stephanie Plum: [throwing a rock at the car] You're an animal!

Joe Morelli: [after Stephanie kills Jimmy Alpha] I think you're gonna make it, Cupcake. Cone over here and help me out of this, will you?
[Stephanie looks at him]
Joe Morelli: Steph? What? Cuffs!
[She smiles slowly]
Joe Morelli: Steph? Stephanie? Plum?
[She reaches for the door]
Joe Morelli: No, don't you even think about it!
[he rips the rail out of the side of the truck and charges toward the door... ]
Joe Morelli: Steph! No, no, no!
[Which she closes and locks]
Joe Morelli: [pounding and banging] Open the door! Open the goddamn door!
Stephanie Plum: Aw, you had it coming, Cupcake!

Joe Morelli: Oh, Jesus, Stephanie Plum! What the hell?
Stephanie Plum: Wow, still charming!
Joe Morelli: Oh, says the girl who ran me over with her car!
Stephanie Plum: That was an accident, my foot slipped.
Joe Morelli: Accident, my ass! You jumped the goddamn curb and broke my leg in three different places! I think of you every time it rains.
Stephanie Plum: See? That right there! Almost charming, but not quite.

Stephanie Plum: You're in violation of your bond agreement. I'm gonna need you to come with me.
Joe Morelli: [laughs] Vinnie sent *you* to bring me in?
Stephanie Plum: Yeah. You think that's funny?
Joe Morelli: Yeah, I do! And I gotta tell you, I could use a good joke these days, because I haven't had a lot to laugh about lately, you know what I mean?

Stephanie Plum: Hey, listen to me-!
Joe Morelli: No, you listen to me!
Stephanie Plum: God!
Joe Morelli: I'd cut my own throat before I'd let you bring me into custody! Because, number one, I'm a cop! You know what happens to cops in jail? Not pretty. And number two, you're the last person I'd let collect the money. Because you're a goddamn lunatic who ran me over because I didn't call after I nailed you! We're ancient history, like the Pyramids, baby!

[Stephanie is driving her latest FTA to the police station in Morelli's "commandeered" Explorer. He catches up to her in traffic]
Joe Morelli: Are you freaking nuts? This is my car!
Stephanie Plum: Then go call the cops!
[He puts his hands on the window, she rolls it up]
Joe Morelli: This is my... oh, God damn it! This is my vehicle!
Stephanie Plum: It's mine for the time, Morelli! Suck it!
Joe Morelli: Oh, my God! Is that guy naked? He better be wearing pants. You better be wearing pants, pal!
William Earling: Ah, lighten up, son! Fresh air is good for the boys.
Stephanie Plum: Hey, we're headed to the police station now. So if you want to follow us there, that'd be great. It'd make my job a lot easier.
Joe Morelli: Open the door!
Stephanie Plum: [points to the light] I've gotta go. It was great to see you.
Joe Morelli: Get out!
Stephanie Plum: See you soon!
[She drives away]