Barry Kripke
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Quotes for
Barry Kripke (Character)
from "The Big Bang Theory" (2007)

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"The Big Bang Theory: The Friendship Algorithm (#2.13)" (2009)
Sheldon Cooper: Kripke!
Barry Kripke: Yeah?
Sheldon Cooper: What would you say to the idea of you and I becoming friends?
Barry Kripke: I would say... I have no intewest in becoming your fwiend.
Sheldon Cooper: Really? Oh, that seems rather short sighted coming from someone who is generally considered altogether unlikeable. Why don't you take some time to reconsider?
Barry Kripke: [sarcastically] Yeah, I'll do that.
Sheldon Cooper: [to Raj, Howard and Leonard] Well, *I* think we're off to a terrific start.

Barry Kripke: You afwaid of heights,Cooper?
Sheldon Cooper: Hardly. A fear of heights is illogical. Fear of falling, on the other hand, is prudent and evolutionary.

Sheldon Cooper: That's where I sit.
Barry Kripke: Ooh, you have a special spot. What kind of wacko are you?
Howard Wolowitz: How much time you got?

Barry Kripke: You all wight there, Cooper?
Sheldon Cooper: Not really. I feel somewhat like an inverse tangent function at the approach to the asymptote.
Barry Kripke: Are you saying you're stuck?
Sheldon Cooper: What part of 'inverse tangent function approaching an asymptote' did you not understand?

"The Big Bang Theory: The Cooper/Kripke Inversion (#6.14)" (2013)
[last lines]
Barry Kripke: Yeah, yeah. Was she naked or was she wearing wangeway?
Sheldon Cooper: I didn't notice.
Barry Kripke: How could you not notice?
Sheldon Cooper: I was too busy squishing all the desirable parts of her body.
Barry Kripke: Ahh, you're killing me, Cooper!
Sheldon Cooper: Can we get back to work?
Barry Kripke: Sure, sure.
Barry Kripke: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon Cooper: Toys? I live with a model rocket next to my bed.
Barry Kripke: A wocket? You're a fweak! I wuv it.

Sheldon Cooper: Don't look at my board!
[Flips board over; the other side has a drawing of a train]
Barry Kripke: What's that?
Sheldon Cooper: That's a drawing of a really cool train. You don't look at that either!

Barry Kripke: I have some bad news. You're working on a grant proposal for a new fusion weactor. I'm working on a gwant pwoposal for a new fusion weactor. The university is only awowed to submit one proposal.
Sheldon Cooper: So they asked you to pack up your things and ship out; that's hard cheese, Barry. You were one of the good ones.
Barry Kripke: No, they're making us work together.
Sheldon Cooper: That's ridiculous! I have one of the great minds or our generation. I work on a level so rarefied you couldn't even imagine it. I said stop looking at my cool train!

Sheldon Cooper: How do I know you're not going to take my ideas and publish them as your own?
Barry Kripke: How do I know you're not going to do that with mine?
Sheldon Cooper: Because I'm not interested in getting published in Mad Magazine.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Perspiration Implementation (#9.5)" (2015)
Barry Kripke: Gentlemen, welcome to the fencing club. Before we start, I just want to warn you, fencing isn't a joke. I hope you're not here because you think it's going to be like Star Wars.
Leonard Hofstadter: That's not why we're here.
Raj Koothrappali: Yeah, I'm here because I think it's gonna be like Game of Thrones.
Howard Wolowitz: And maybe a little Princess Bride.
Raj Koothrappali: Ooh, ooh! I forgot about Princess Bride! That's my answer!

Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Barry?
Barry Kripke: Yes?
Sheldon Cooper: When can I stab one of my friends?
Barry Kripke: In fencing, we don't call it a stab. We call it a touch.
Sheldon Cooper: Uh, yes, I'm aware. But if I say I want to touch one of my friends, I'll get called into Human Resources.

Leonard Hofstadter: Listen, I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out isn't a good idea.
Sheldon Cooper: Barry, a word?
Leonard Hofstadter: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
Sheldon Cooper: If you intend to pursue Amy, you leave me with no choice but to put a stop to it.
Barry Kripke: And how are you gonna do that?
Sheldon Cooper: By challenging you to a duel.
Barry Kripke: You've had one lesson. I'll destroy you.
Sheldon Cooper: That is why the duel will take place at high noon, three years from today. If you're worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then. Yeah, and be warned. I'm going to touch you all over.
Leonard Hofstadter: Wow, that was crazier than I thought.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Tenure Turbulence (#6.20)" (2013)
Barry Kripke: If you need my nose, you'll find it firmwy wodged up the wectum of the tenure committee.

Barry Kripke: Children wuv me. Something about me just makes them waff and waff.

Barry Kripke: Wemember when we were twying to figure out what that smell coming fwom Pwofessor Tupperman's office was?
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah.
Barry Kripke: Turns out it was Tupperman. Dead at his desk for two weeks.
Howard Wolowitz, Leonard Hofstadter, Raj Koothrappali: Ugh.
Barry Kripke: In wieu of fwowers, the department chair is asking that everyone donate a bottle of Febweze.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Rothman Disintegration (#5.17)" (2012)
Sheldon Cooper: [at the urinals at work] Kripke.
Barry Kripke: Yes.
Sheldon Cooper: You're in my spot.

Barry Kripke: How does it work?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, it's very simple. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Barry Kripke: I'm sorry, can you repeat that?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, of course. Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes Lizard, Lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates Lizard, Lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaperizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
Barry Kripke: Almost got it. One more time?
Sheldon Cooper: Sure! Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock...
Howard Wolowitz: Hey, Sheldon!
Sheldon Cooper: ...rock crushes...
Howard Wolowitz: Stop. He's screwing with you.
Sheldon Cooper: Is he? Well, then, seems we have reached an impasse. I see no other option than to challenge you to a duel. I'd smack you with a glove, but just last week, I packed away my winter things.

Leonard Hofstadter: There's not much you're both equally good at.
Raj Koothrappali: Is there anything you're both equally bad at?
Sheldon Cooper, Barry Kripke: Sports.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Helium Insufficiency (#9.6)" (2015)
Leonard Hofstadter: Barry, a team of Swedish scientists is going to do our experiment before we do. Can you lend us some liquid helium?
Barry Kripke: Sowwy, but there's a hewium shortage, and I need it for my quantum excitation expewiment.
Leonard Hofstadter: You don't need that much.
Barry Kripke: Twue, but if it's successful, I'm planning to have a party with bawwoons.

Barry Kripke: Be honest, if the shoe were on the other foot, would you do the same for me?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
Sheldon Cooper: Not a chance. Sorry, but he said to be honest, and mother always said that honesty is the best policy.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Relationship Diremption (#7.20)" (2014)
Barry Kripke: ...there actuawwy was some big stwing theowy news today out of the Hadwon Cowwider.
Sheldon Cooper: Really? Did they find evidence to support extra dimensions or supersymmetry?
Barry Kripke: No, but they did find evidence that you'll bewieve
Barry Kripke: anything.
Sheldon Cooper: Why would you do that? You're a string theorist as well.
Barry Kripke: Incowwect; I am a stwing pwagmatist. I say I'm going to pwove something that cannot be pwoved, I appwy for gwant money, and then I spend it on wiquor and bwoads.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Beta Test Initiation (#5.14)" (2012)
Barry Kripke: You got Siwi, huh? Voice wecognition on that thing is terrible. Wook.
[Talking into iPhone]
Barry Kripke: Siwi, can you wecommend a westauwant?
Siri: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westauwant."
Barry Kripke: Wisten to me. Not "westauwant," *westauwant*.
Siri: I don't know what you mean by "not westauwant, westauwant."
Barry Kripke: See? Total cwap. You suck, Siwi.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Killer Robot Instability (#2.12)" (2009)
[Kripke challenges the guys to a robot duel]
Leonard Hofstadter: Barry, we can't fight you tomorrow. Our engineer is incapacitated.
Barry Kripke: What's wrong with him?
Rajesh Koothrappali: He's depressed because he's pathetic and creepy, and can't get girls.
Barry Kripke: We're ALL pathetic and cweepy, and can't get girws. That's why we fight wobots.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Toast Derivation (#4.17)" (2011)
[Sheldon's guests are singing karaoke. All have been drinking, and Stuart is still in towels from taking a shower]
Stuart, Kripke, Zack: [singing] I'm walking on sunshine... who-oo...
Levar Burton: [arrives at party late, and enters] Hello, I...
Levar Burton: [Sees strange guests and backs out of doorway] Oh, I don't think so...
Levar Burton: [walking down stairs] I am so done with Twitter.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Celebration Experimentation (#9.17)" (2016)
Penny Hofstadter: Hey, everybody. Sheldon is going to come back out, but I think he's a little embarrassed so let's all be extra nice, OK?
Barry Kripke: What are you wooking at me for? I'm a saint!
[to Beverly]
Barry Kripke: But a sinner in the sack.

"The Big Bang Theory: The Discovery Dissipation (#7.10)" (2013)
Barry Kripke: Perhaps physics isn't your thing. Maybe you should go into wetail so you can take things back for a living.
Leonard Hofstadter: That's enough, Barry.
Sheldon Cooper: That's all right, Leonard. I can fight my own battles. Isn't that right, "Bawwy"?
Barry Kripke: Is that a wefewence to my speech impediment? Wow, that weally hurt. I can't contwol it.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm sorry. I take it back.
Barry Kripke: Yeah, you do, 'cause you're the Wetwactor!