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: What's the plan? Barney Ross
: Track him, find him, kill him.
: Barney Ross. Barney Ross
: What do you want from me, Church? Church
: Not too good in the memory category, are you, Barney? You made me a deal with me. You gave me your word. And you end up blowing up half of Vilena, punching holes and a bowie knife through a fellow CIA agent, even if he was a dirtbag. But what breaks my heart is that you stole $5 million from me. And for all this male pattern badness, I could've put you in the deepest, darkest hole in Gitmo. No sunlight. But I kept you out. Barney Ross
: Great. Church
: Because I knew the day would come when you were gonna pay me back. Today is that day.
: I've heard another rumor, that you were bitten by a king cobra? Booker
: Yeah, I was. But after five days of agonizing pain, the cobra died.
: That's how we deal with death. We can't change what it is, so we keep it light until it's time to get dark. And then we get pitch black.
: Rest in pieces.
: I need a weapon. Something big.
[looks at Caesar's gun
: Yours. Hale Caesar
: Whoa, whoa, whoa. My big weapon's hangin' right where it is. Barney Ross
: Come on, Caesar. You got a backup.
[Caesar reluctantly hands over his gun
] Hale Caesar
: If I don't get this back, your ass is terminated. Trench
: In your dreams.
: Why is it that one of us who wants to live the most, who deserves to live the most dies, and the ones that deserve to die keep on living? What's the message in that?
: Did you win? Barney Ross
: I think so. Trench
: Well, where's the proof? Barney Ross
: [Pulls out Vilain's head in a bag
] Heads up.
[Chucks head onto the ground
: Nice touch.
: I got a plan. Everybody calm down. Phosphate rock. Lee Christmas
: What's he doing? Barney Ross
: Probably making a bomb. Lee Christmas
: You serious? Barney Ross
: Ask him. Lee Christmas
: What you doing, Gunner? Gunner Jensen
: I'm making a bomb. You mind? Barney Ross
: A maniac with brains. Lee Christmas
[Lee's cell phone rings
] Barney Ross
] "Hello, darlin'." Lee Christmas
: Hello, darlin'.
: You wanna kill me like a man? Or you wanna kill me like a sheep? So. What's it going to be? Man or sheep? Barney Ross
: You wanna man up? I'll man you up.
: You must want to hurt me bad. Barney Ross
: I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna take your life.
: [to Maggie after killing Vilain
] You know how to carve a turkey?
: I thought you were the Lone Wolf. Booker
: Sometimes, it's fun to run with the pack.
: [eating some bad food
] Oh. This tastes like shit.
] Toll Road
: How's yours? Hale Caesar
: Can't complain about rigatoni. Plan ahead, fellas. That's all I have to say. Y'all, what if you knew you were going to die tomorrow? What would your last meal be? One choice. Toll Road
: One choice? Hale Caesar
: It'd probably be cereal for you, huh? Toll Road
: What the hell's wrong with cereal? Gunner Jensen
: It's cliché. Hale Caesar
: You gotta be original. You know, if you were an original, broad-thinking man, you'd probably come up with some special cereal, like Earios. You know, just like your ear. You know, pour milk on them suckers, they just lay there and you don't hear shit. Toll Road
: For the record, my hearing is 20/20. Hale Caesar
: Barney? Barney Ross
: Donuts and most food that kills ya. Hale Caesar
: That's deep, man. Barney Ross
] You think so? Hale Caesar
: Maggie? Maggie
: Crispy aromatic duck with plum sauce. Very sexy.
: But I like Italian, too. Hale Caesar
: I'm starting to think Italian's overrated.
] Gunner Jensen
: Hey. What about me? My favorite Swedish dinner would be, baby seal, and whale ass, in the summer.
] Gunner Jensen
: But I'd really die for some Chinese. Barney Ross
: Then you're gonna starve to death.
: [while the Sangs are attacking the Expendables
] Can you hold them off? Barney Ross
: Yeah, maybe with a tank.
[the Sangs appear with a tank
] Barney Ross
: Oh, shit. Lee Christmas
: What? Barney Ross
: They've got a tank.
: [after kicking Barney down
] Over so soon? I want my money's worth! Come on! Get up! Barney Ross
: Coming right up.
[Barney attempts to rise, but Vilain kicks him down again
: Going back down.
: [Billy is running up the hill
] Remember when you could do that? Barney Ross
: No, do you?
: [to Maggie's first show of skills
] You got guts... No common sense...
: What are you doing here? Booker
: Moving on. You killed all my business.
: [seeing their new plane
] That thing belongs in a museum. Trench
: We all do.
] Lee Christmas
: From one friend to another... Barney Ross
: What? Lee Christmas
: You really need to learn how to fight.
: [the bomb's fuse goes out
] Well, the phosphorus must have been damp. Lee Christmas
: Yeah, right. Toll Road
: Or you suck. Hale Caesar
: There's that. Maggie
: Don't cry, Gunner. Barney Ross
: You almost had an idea.
: Trench? Trench
: Oh, this is embarrassing. Barney Ross
: Yeah, it sure is. Lee Christmas
: What's he doing here? Trench
: Saving this Chinese billionaire. Barney Ross
: Oh, yeah? That's funny. So are we. Trench
: Well, then we have a scheduling problem, don't we?
: Cut me loose, Frankenstein. Barney Ross
: Don't get nuts, Gunner. Do it.
: Christmas, my friend. Please tell me you ain't going through this. Lee Christmas
: Of course I am. Look at that girl. Who wouldn't marry her? Barney Ross
: She cheated on you. Lee Christmas
: It was a half-cheat. Barney Ross
: Which is? Lee Christmas
: The other side of a half-truth. The facts are murky. Barney Ross
: Murky. I hate to break this to you, pal, but your girlfriend over there has a world-class cheating gene. Lee Christmas
: I should stab you in the heart. Barney Ross
: Too late.
: What's taking so long, Barney Ross? This should have been a walk in the park for you guys. Where's the case? Barney Ross
: Don't have it. Church
: I warned you what would happen to you mutts if you pulled this shit again. Barney Ross
: A good man died trying to get that case. Church
: I'm sorry about that. Barney Ross
: Are you? Church
: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. But this sort of situation comes with the territory, wouldn't you say? Barney Ross
: And so does payback. You know, Church, you're the kind of guy that pulls the strings, and everyone else does your dirty work 'cause you never had the guts to do it yourself. We're done.
: Booker. You're the one people call the Lone Wolf? Booker
: I've been called that. But I have mellowed. Barney Ross
: [looks at the Sang soldiers Booker just killed
] Not that much.
: Who you are? Barney Ross
: We're Americans. Lee Christmas
: Since when? Gunner Jensen
: Swedish. Hale Caesar
: Blackfoot. Maggie
: Chinese. Toll Road
: Retards. Barney Ross
: [to Toll Road
] You done?
: I got an idea. And your ego, I think you're gonna love it. Lee Christmas
: My ego? Barney Ross
: Your ego. Lee Christmas
: What do you mean, my ego? Barney Ross
: You've got a big ego. Lee Christmas
: Well, check your ego out. Barney Ross
: Oh, please. Your ego is like the size of a dinosaur. Huge.
: Ironic. Here we are, you and I. And your knife. You're going to die. Like him. What his name? What did you call him? What does it matter? Barney Ross
: Come on, Vilain. Somebody's dying. Come on, Vilain. Come on, Vilain. Come on!
[whips Vilian with a large chain then beats him. Barney picks up his knife
] Barney Ross
: Get up, Vilain. Get up. Now turn around. Turn around, sheep. Vilain
: Now what?
[Barney throws the chain around Vilain's neck, pulls him toward his knife and stabs it into Vilain's stomach
] Barney Ross
: His name was Billy.
: Can I ask you something? Barney Ross
: Sure, go ahead. Maggie
: Why are you so nervous around me? Barney Ross
: I don't get nervous, Maggie. Maggie
: Then what is it? Barney Ross
: I just like keeping a distance. Maggie
: Is it because you don't want to know anymore people? Barney Ross
: Let's just say bad things have happened to people I've gotten close to. Maggie
: Not a good way to live. Barney Ross
] I know.
: Respect is everything. Without respect, we are just people. Common, shitty people. Bill 'The Kid' Timmons
: [to Ross
] I'm sorry, sir. Barney Ross
: It's not your fault... Now what? Vilain
: We are both fighting men. And I respect that. But fighting men, they don't deserve to be killed like sheep. But, respect... must be taught.
, Barney Ross
, Gunner Jensen
, Hale Caesar
, Toll Road
: Beware, beware, walk with care / Care for what you do / Or mumbo jumbo's gonna hoo-doo you / Mumbo jumbo's gonna hoo-doo you / Boom-lay, boom-lay, boom-lay boom!
: You're not doing what I think you're doing. Barney Ross
: Yeah, I am. Lee Christmas
: Let's do it!
[Barney intentionally rams and crash lands his plane into the plutonium mine, Maggie nearly falls out and Gunnar saves her
] Lee Christmas
: You're gonna need a new plane.
: Drop your guns! Lee Christmas
: Fat chance. Barney Ross
: Why do they always say that?
: [from trailer
[in the middle of a mexican standoff, a faint buzzing sound can be heard
] Barney Ross
: What's that? Lee Christmas
: I'm getting a text. Barney Ross
: Excuse me?
: Who sent you? Barney Ross
: Your hairdresser.
: Oh, like I said. I'm busy anyway, so give this job to my friend here. He loves playing in the jungle. Right? Barney Ross
] Right. Mr. Church
] That's right. Trench
: [to Barney
] Hey, why don't we have dinner? Barney Ross
: Sure. When? Trench
: In a thousand years? Barney Ross
: Too soon.
[Trench walks off
] Mr. Church
: [Confused; about Trench
] What's his fucking problem? Barney Ross
: He wants to be president.
: I got a feeling everyone else passed on this job, so our fee is $5 mil. Mr. Church
: $5 mil? Barney Ross
: And I want half upfront, and the other half in an offshore account. You got a problem with that? Mr. Church
: No. What I have a problem with is people who try to fuck me over. So if you take this money and you don't deliver, or you try to fuck me in some kind of weird cockamamie scheme of yours, me and my people are gonna come get you and your people and chop you up into little fucking dog treats. You got a problem with that? Barney Ross
: Let's talk.
: What happened to you? Barney Ross
: I got my ass kicked.
: What's wrong with this picture? Lee Christmas
: Are you crazy? You could've killed me! Barney Ross
: You're welcome.
] Barney Ross
: We are the shadows and the smoke, we rise. We are the ghosts that hide in the night.
: Only an idiot would do this job. Barney Ross
: How much? Trench
: Like I said.
: What's he saying? Hale Caesar
: He said we're dead with an accent. Barney Ross
: We ain't dead.
: What the hell's he doing? Lee Christmas
: Hanging a pirate. Barney Ross
: Don't be ridiculous. Gunner! What are you doing? Gunnar Jensen
: Hanging a pirate! Toll Road
: That's seriously demented. Yin Yang
: This is no good. Hale Caesar
: Not that you'd feel it, but put one in Speed Racer's shoulder.
: Warning shot! Barney Ross
: No! Gunnar Jensen
: [Fires his M79 Grenade Launcher at the pirate and blows him in half
] Little low.
: You look nervous.
: What are your names? Lee Christmas
: [points to himself
] Buda... Lee Christmas
: [points to Barney
] ... Pest Sandra
: Follow me, please.
] Barney Ross
: [slowly turns to Lee; deadpan
] Buda and Pest? Nice.
: [Barney has just shot Gunnar after nearly killing Yang
] You shot me. Barney Ross
: You were gonna kill him. Gunnar Jensen
: I was only trying to scare him. Barney Ross
: Don't put that on me, you never really liked him. Gunnar Jensen
] Hey, am I dying? Barney Ross
: Shot three inches above the heart. Gunnar Jensen
] I'll take that as a yes.
: How many men you got? Barney Ross
: Just your mother!
: I need a raise. Barney Ross
: Say what? Yin Yang
: I want it for my son. Lee Christmas
: Since when did Yin Yang get a family? Yin Yang
] You don't ask, I don't tell.
: It's difficult. Barney Ross
: What? Yin Yang
: My life is difficult. I need more money. Barney Ross
: Why that? Yin Yang
: I work harder than the rest. Barney Ross
: No, you don't. Yin Yang
: Yes, I do! Everything is harder for me. When I'm hurt, wound is bigger, 'cause I'm smaller. When I travel I need to go farther. Barney Ross
: I know, because you're smaller, right? Yin Yang
] Yin Yang
: I need more money. Barney Ross
: I know, you told me.
: Have you been sick? You've lost weight. Barney Ross
: Whatever I've lost you've found, pal.
: [In the middle of a car chase
] Get out there! Yin Yang
: Why me? Barney Ross
: Because you're smaller!
: [Hale Caesar has just emptied a full drum magazine of his AA-12 shotgun; to Caesar
] Damn, that thing's loud!
: [Lee arrives
] It's Christmastime. Tool
: Yeah, I can smell him from here.
: Gunner, last chance. Let him go or we're letting you go. Gunnar Jensen
: It's good to hang pirates. Old Viking custom. Barney Ross
: It isn't an old Viking custom at all.
: [to Lee
] I got a great idea. Why don't you let me doodle, like, a Charlotte's web on your head? On the top of your head. You know, something different, something exciting. 'Cause you got one of them perfectly shaped domed, muscular heads. I could put a web on the top of the head. Maybe a pregnant Charlotte coming out of your ear, peeking around, making sure them bugs don't come inside. Her long legs dangling down your neck. Yeah. Sexy, right? Barney Ross
: Very sexy. He looks thrilled.
: Come on. Why don't you man up? Jesus! She wasn't your type. Lee Christmas
: Why don't you keep saying "She wasn't my type?" So I could put a bullet in your bleak brain! Look who I'm taking to. Dracula's life coach. No wonder you're alone.
: Bury me right. And I want a Viking funeral. Barney Ross
: You mean where they put you in a boat and set you on fire, Viking? Gunnar Jensen
: That's right! Barney Ross
: You're night a Viking.
: [Holding Sandra hostage
] The agency parasites hired you, didn't they? I'd have paid you twice as much to go fishing! You'd have to think I'm pretty freaking stupid to surrender to the agency! Why would I do that? I created this! I made it all happen and they wanted me out! Why? Because I saw the big picture!
[Ross approaches him
] James Munroe
: Stop walking!
[Holds the gun to Sandra's head. Ross stops
] James Munroe
: And what about me and you? We're both the same! We're both mercenaries! We're both dead inside! So why the hell did you come after me? Barney Ross
: I didn't come after you, dipshit! I came for HER!
[Sandra escapes from Munroe. Ross shoots Munroe as Christmas throws Gunnar Jensen's knife straight through Munroe's chest, killing him
: [watching Luna fight
] I could do that. Bonaparte
: You wanna slip on a dress and give it a shot?
] Barney Ross
: [after Smilee performs an outrageous stunt
] Couldn't take the stairs?
: Great to have you back. Doc
: No better place to be.
: What are you gonna do? Barney Ross
: [sees Stonebanks
] Barney Ross
: It can't be...
: Better get out of that seat and move to the back, Christmas is coming. Galgo
: But it's only June... Barney Ross
: Galgo, get out of the seat!
: What happened to Church? Drummer
: You don't have to worry about Church any more. He's out of the picture.
: So, you're with Trench now? Yin Yang
: Yeah, he pay me more money!
] Barney Ross
: Lucky ring on! Lee Christmas
: Feel so much safer.
] Lee Christmas
: You look like a proud, demented father. Barney Ross
: You could've skipped the demented part. Lee Christmas
: That was a compliment.
[Barney and Lee laugh and fist-bump each other
: I missed you, Christmas. Lee Christmas
: I missed you too, you demented bastard. Barney Ross
: You could've left out the demented part.
: [Bonaparte is flying a plane to the next recruit
] Hey, did you turn off the auto-pilot? Bonaparte
: I didn't touch the auto-pilot. Barney Ross
: [sees Bonaparte drinking
] Give me the booze. Are we off course? Bonaparte
: Where in the hell are we? Here, hang on a second. Bonaparte
: [looks outside
] Is that... is that the big dipper? Yeah, we gotta turn around. Barney Ross
: [after Barney punches him
] Woah, ha ha! Good morning. Are these your students? Hey, what happened to the old crew? Oh, that's right. They stuck their noses into other people's worlds and got fatally injured. Now they're The Deleteables. Hey, you hear that kids? Take note - that's what you are right now. Smilee
: [to Barney
] You want me to shut his mouth? Stonebanks
: You're talking pretty tough for a guy that incapacitated, which is good for you. Smilee
: Is it? Stonebanks
: Why don't you cut me loose, I'll open your meat shirt and show you your own heart. Hey Barn, why don't the two of us just end this. What do you say? Mix it up, you snapping my spine or me snapping yours. You know, make it snappy. Stonebanks
: [Barney keeps staring
] He thinks I'm joking. I'm not joking. You should see me when I'm angry. You'd be very impressed. And very dead. So come on pal. Anything you want to get off your chest? Come on, lay it out. I'm a good listener. You're going to take me back to the Has-been-crew, carve me up around a fire. Very tribal. Barney Ross
] When we stop, I'm gonna break every bone in your body and drop what's left at The Hague. Stonebanks
] The Hague! Well, I fucking made the big time! I'm a war criminal! Barney Ross
: Keep laughing. Stonebanks
: [stops laughing
] Do you think that you can just deliver me, like a package? We were close once. See, we started this whole Expendables thing together. See, I got the markers. Stonebanks
: [shows his 'Expendable' tattoos
] A bit faded but, we had a falling out. Barney Ross
: You went dark. Stonebanks
: It's a dark business, Barney, don't pretend you're not in it! The baddest survive, those are the rules. I didn't make them up! You see, Barney here was content to work for the small-end money, as an employee. But being a boss is more lucrative, but that is a concept that somehow eluded you. Plus, you had that pesky moral conscience. God, that stuff gets in the way! He thinks he's the good guy! Barney Ross
: Keep talking while you can. Stonebanks
: Sure, you got a conscience that makes you weak. Success, real success, is being willing to do the things that other people are not. Barney Ross
: Not everyone is as sick as you. Stonebanks
: Oh, but you are! You kill anyone today, Barn? Blow any shit up? How about you kids, kill anyone? Before you all start grabbing bricks and stoning me at The Hague. You might want to check your own hands for blood. Ah, but I digress, where was I? Yes, business is booming right? A chopper here, a missile there, guns, whatever. When suddenly a competitor - if you can call Uncle Sam a competitor - hires my own team, Barney and the whole gang to whack me. Things got ugly real fast, and a lot of people got real dead. Three former brothers in arms. Barney Ross
] You shut your mouth! Stonebanks
] Three expendables, our brothers, men we ate with, fought with, bled with, DEAD! He puts three slugs into my chest. Thank God for body armor, even I thought I was dead. Then he boogies out with the casualties, all dead because you couldn't stay out of my business! Barney Ross
: [attacks Stonebanks and aims a gun at his head while Smilee and Thorn restrain him
] Shut your mouth! Stonebanks
: Go on, do it! Go on! Smilee
: That's what he wants. Stonebanks
: [Barney begrudgingly released him
] It's hard to fathom, I can't believe you forgot. Barney Ross
: What? Stonebanks
: That it's hard to be an enemy when you're living inside your own head. So you tie me up like an animal, leave me to the slaughter, you humiliate me, disgrace me. Now, when the time comes to kill you - and it will - I will not use a weapon, I will use my hands, because I want you to feel the way I feel right now. Since we were brothers.
: [at a nightclub
] Where is the candidate? Bonaparte
: [points at Luna
] Right there in the red dress, about to chop those guys in half. Barney Ross
: [Luna approaches drunk patrons fighting
] The hostess? Bonaparte
: Not the hostess, she's the bouncer.
: [Barney prepares to rescue the young team when Galgo suddenly appears
] How in the hell did you find me? Galgo
: I... peop... people talk, I hear things. You got a mission, I can help. My name is Galgo. Let me fill you in. I am good - very good. At warfare, you know, with memory. Afraid of nothing. I want to be your friend. Barney Ross
: I don't need a friend. Galgo
: Yes, you do. Everybody does. You know, I don't have any friends. That is why I know. But besides by friendship issues, what I really need now is something to do. Well... not just anything, but... what I was BORN to do. Barney Ross
: Best bet, this is a one-way trip. Galgo
: Excuse me, sir, but one-way trip is better than no-way. Which is the way I live now. Barney Ross
: [pauses briefly
] Help me with the crate. Galgo
: [Barney turns away; Galgo does excited happy dance. Barney turns back; Galgo calms down quick
: [after being shot by Barney
] You motherfucker... What about the Hague? Barney Ross
: [shoots and kills Stonebanks
] I am the Hague.
: You know, it's very hard for me to say this, but at one time, you guys were the best. Maybe still are. But nothing lasts forever. Hard as it is to hear, we aren't the future any more. Unfortunately for us, we're part of the past. Lee Christmas
: You, uh, you done swingin' with us? Barney Ross
: As I see it, if we keep this life up, the only way this thing ends, for all of us, is in a hole in the ground, and no one giving a shit. Now if that's the way I'm supposed to go out, I can live with that. For me. But what I can't live with - and won't live with - is taking you with me.
: If you're looking to go the family route, this is the wrong job for you. Luna
: There are different kinds of family. When my life is on the line, that's my family fighting with me.
: You know, if you were 30 years younger... Barney Ross
: I'd be afraid of you.