Kevin Ryan
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Quotes for
Kevin Ryan (Character)
from "Castle" (2009)

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"Castle: Scared to Death (#5.17)" (2013)
Richard Castle: Legend tells of a mysterious video that can harness the forces of evil from the beyond. The disc is a harbinger of grave misfortune, marking its watchers to certain and unavoidable death. I saw it, just like Val did. That's why she said "it's coming for me". That's how she knew when she was going to die. Why she was trying to ward off spirits. Because of the message on that disc.
Javier Esposito: How's a DVD going to kill you? Is it going to come at you like a ninja star? Cut your head off?
Richard Castle: [Exasperated] The actual DVD will not kill me, Esposito. It will be the spirit inside the DVD. Just like in The Ring.
Kevin Ryan: Ooh, ooh, the one with the creepy, waterlogged little girl that crawls out of the TV. I didn't sleep for days after that movie.

Kevin Ryan: Finding who sent this disc should make Castle feel a whole lot better.
Javier Esposito: Yeah. But what if the worst happens and Castle's right? Do you think he put me in his will?
Kevin Ryan: Dude. Uncool.
Javier Esposito: What? I'm just wondering. I mean, Castle's death will be sad and all, but his Ferrari sure would lessen my grief.
Kevin Ryan: You do realize that even putting that out in the universe is bad karma.

Kevin Ryan: The box was last rented by an Andrew Levine who died of liver failure three months ago. Somehow I don't think he's connected to this case.
Kate Beckett: So the killer covered his tracks. He must have written a random PO Box on the packaging slip.
Kevin Ryan: Or...
Kate Beckett: No. Ryan! There is no or.
Kevin Ryan: I'm just saying, maybe the reason we can't trace the package's origins is because it was sent from another realm.
Javier Esposito: Ryan is right. It was sent from another realm. New Jersey.

Richard Castle: Maybe we should make a copy of the DVD and send it to someone else. That's how they saved people in The Ring.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, but all those people that got a copy died.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, and you'd just be passing the buck off to someone else. That's cold, bro.
Richard Castle: Okay, does anyone have a better solution? Because we need one. If not for me, at least for Beckett.
Kate Beckett: Aw, Castle, that's so sweet. You want me to outlive you?
Richard Castle: Of course. Who else is going to tell my tale of sacrifice and selflessness?

Kate Beckett: Okay, so both of our victims stayed at that inn at the same time. So... maybe they were having an affair.
Kevin Ryan: In 2008 Val would have been... 24. Jason would have been 66 and an affair would have been...
Richard Castle: Gross.
Kevin Ryan: I was going to say unlikely.

"Castle: The Blue Butterfly (#4.14)" (2012)
Luella McManus: Stan's dead? Well that's just great, what am I supposed to do with all his crap?
Kevin Ryan: We'll be taking... some of it off your hands as part of our investigation.

Kevin Ryan: When was the last time you saw him?
Luella McManus: Oh, this morning. Stan was all smiles: gave notice he was moving out 'cause his ship was comin' in.
Kevin Ryan: What ship?
Luella McManus: Oh, I dunno, the Titanic from the looks of things.
Javier Esposito: [Handing McManus a business card] Well if you can remember anything else can you give me a call?
Luella McManus: [Turns and leaves without taking the card] Don't hold your breath, hot shot.
Kevin Ryan: [to Esposito] I think she likes you.

Kevin Ryan: The boss wants to see you boyo.

"Castle: Always Buy Retail (#1.6)" (2009)
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [Castle after mentioning having sex with his ex-wife and comparing her moving back to New York to] A deep-fried Twinkie?
Richard Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you, so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty. But the deep-fried Twinkie everyday is...
[Beckett stops him from continuing]
Kate Beckett: Castle!

[the detectives and Castle are looking at a corpse whose body was evidently prepared according to some ritual]
Richard Castle: It's Vodou.
Javier Esposito: Vodou? What is that? Some kind of Star Trek thing?
[He grins mockingly]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: No, dude, it's a religion. Practiced primarily in West Africa.
[When the others look at him]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: What? I read, too!
Richard Castle: The, uh, blood on the bone? Most likely animal. Part of the ceremony. The pouch is an offering to the spirits; but I don't recognize this symbol.
Javier Esposito: If you did, you'd be a suspect. So how do you know about all this?
Richard Castle: Research for my sixth Derek Storm novel.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Unholy Storm.
Richard Castle: Yes. Thank you. And, uh, Vodou's not just limited to West Africa. It's also practiced by Haitian and Dominican communities right here in New York.

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Why would a guy mark his own stall with the death symbol?
Richard Castle: He wouldn't. This symbol was meant for him. Charles Oni's been marked for death.

"Castle: Home Is Where the Heart Stops (#1.7)" (2009)
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps"?
Richard Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep,
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Crook, knucklehead, chucklehead,
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Churd, turd,
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Destro, scall,
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Skexy, slicko, slick,
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Mope,
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Sleekstak.
Richard Castle: [scribbling in his notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Kate Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Captain Roy Montgomery: I'm old school. I like dirtbag.
Richard Castle: Classic.

NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: [Working security at the fundraiser] Man, these guys are guilty of tax evasion not home invasion.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Yeah, well
[sees Beckett in her formal dress]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Appearances can be deceiving.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [to Beckett] Nice dress.
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Yeah, what there is of it.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: I'd let you borrow it, Esposito, but you stretched out the last one.

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [sneezes]
Richard Castle: [and Beckett at the same time] Bless you!
Richard Castle: Jinx!
Kate Beckett: What's with him?
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Goose-down. He's allergic.
Richard Castle: I'm sorry, but under the time-honored rules of jinx, you're not allowed to speak until I release you.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [sneezes]
Richard Castle: [and Beckett at the same time] Bless you!
Kate Beckett: Reverse double-jinx.
Richard Castle: But I...
Kate Beckett: Uh-uh Castle, mouth shut. Until I release you.

"Castle: The Fifth Bullet (#2.11)" (2009)
Richard Castle: I'm telling you, ice bullet.
Javier Esposito: Nah, bro. An ice bullet would still make a bullet hole.
Kevin Ryan: You mean ice hole.
Richard Castle: What'd you just call me?

Kevin Ryan: You mean ice bullet.

Kevin Ryan: [Reporting about the 5th bullet found embedded in the amnesiac's paperback] Ballistics confirms that the bullet came from the same gun as the others. Whatever happened in the gallery, he was there.
Kate Beckett: Not only was he there, but someone tried to kill him as well. Good thing he reads.
Kevin Ryan: Good thing he reads Russian literature. If the guy was a Nicholas Sparks fan, he'd be dead.

"Castle: Til Death Do Us Part (#4.11)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: Ms. Franklin, it - it seems that you weren't the only woman that Mr. Bailey was, uh... with in the hours prior to his death.
Holly Franklin: Um... what do you mean, "with"?
Kevin Ryan: Was there another woman in the hotel room with you?
Holly Franklin: I didn't think this could get any more humiliating.
Kevin Ryan: Was that a yes?
Holly Franklin: No, Detective!
Kevin Ryan: Thank you. Oh, and you should know that our ME has been able to determine that Mr. Bailey was, uh... wearing a condom both times, so that's...
Holly Franklin: [Sarcastic] That makes it all better.
[Ryan stands awkwardly for a bit before fleeing]
Holly Franklin: Now I wish I pushed him!

Richard Castle: She knew she was going to kill him, so she booked the room anonymously.
Kate Beckett: Yeah, but then why sleep with him? Why not just push him out the window?
Richard Castle: Because. She's a black widow.
[Starts speaking in a dramatic tone]
Richard Castle: Coldest hearted creature on Earth. She lures an unsuspecting male, takes him into her web, and then, the moment they culminate - as soon as he feels the ecstasy of achieving his biological destiny - she opens up her jaws and eats him alive.
[There's silence for a moment]
Kevin Ryan: I'm glad I'm in a healthy relationship.
Kate Beckett: Yeah.
Richard Castle: I bet male black widow spiders think they're in healthy relationships, too.

Javier Esposito: [to Ryan who's been on a dietary cleanse for several days] You should... eat something.
Kate Beckett: Yeah. You look hungry. You've got the posture of a feral cat.
Kevin Ryan: Guys, I made a sacred vow to the woman I love- Is that mu-shu pork?

"Castle: Heroes and Villains (#4.2)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: Larceny, assault, fraud... you name it, Tyler Faris has done it. Still, nobody deserves ending up like that.
Javier Esposito: He got what was coming to him.
Kevin Ryan: Dude. That's for the criminal justice system to decide.
Javier Esposito: Maybe a sword is a justice system.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, if you're Quentin Tarantino, maybe.

Kevin Ryan: Uniforms widened their canvass. Still can't find anyone that knows our mystery man.
Javier Esposito: Ah, whoever he is, I can't connect him to any swords, either. I pray we nail this dude before I have to call every store on that list.
Kevin Ryan: I thought you were kind of rooting for this guy?
Javier Esposito: That's when he was Joe Citizen taking it to the bad guys. Now he's just some nimrod in a suit.
Kevin Ryan: Ah. You gotta give him props for spirit, though, right? I mean, haven't you ever wanted to be a superhero? Going out there, prowling the city, knocking some heads?
Javier Esposito: I do that now.

"Castle: A Deadly Affair (#3.1)" (2010)
[seeing a cardboard cutout of Castle in a bookstore window]
Kevin Ryan: He really is ruggedly handsome.

Kate Beckett: [Castle was discovered at a crime scene with a gun in his hands] So you, being the expert veteran of dozens of crime scenes, decided to pick up the murder weapon to what, ensure that we had your prints?
Richard Castle: Maybe you missed the part where I said she was shot dead. When I heard the noises coming from the next room, I thought whoever killed her was coming back. So I picked up the gun to defend myself. It seemed like a very good idea at the time. That's when you, Esposito, and Annie Oakley come bursting through the door.
Captain Roy Montgomery: [in the observation room with Ryan and Esposito] Annie Oakley?
Kevin Ryan: I... kind of almost shot Castle.
[seeing Montgomery's look]
Kevin Ryan: What? He had a gun.

"Castle: Knockdown (#3.13)" (2011)
Captain Roy Montgomery: [after Beckett compromises her objectivity] As of this moment, you two are running point on Raglan's homicide.
Javier Esposito: Uh... Captain, my partner and I don't wish to be insubordinate.
Kevin Ryan: But we respectfully decline the assignment.
Captain Roy Montgomery: What does it say on my badge?
Javier Esposito: "Captain".
Captain Roy Montgomery: Now read the fine print. It says get your ass out there and solve Raglan's murder, before I bust you both back down to Traffic.
Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan: Yes, sir.
Captain Roy Montgomery: You want to help her? Find that shooter. Solve the damn case.

Kathy Moore: So the guy that touched my arm was a murderer? Figures... why do I attract all the creeps? I dated this one guy Craig for like two months, and I thought like he was the one. And I called him up one night and his roommate answered the phone and told me that Craig had died. And I was like devastated. And me and his roommate scattered his ashes throughout Central Park, the whole thing, and I worked through the stages of grief with my life coach - and a lot of random guys - and I was getting into acceptance when I ran into Craig at a bar. He had faked his own death.
Kevin Ryan: Unbelievable.
Kathy Moore: I know Ryan, all he had to do was say that he didn't want us to date anymore. It's not like I'm some psycho.

"Castle: Secret Santa (#5.9)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: We're putting up the tree the other day, sand Jenny says to me, "It just doesn't feel like Christmas without kids. She wants to try. But I come to work. I watch the news everyday. It seems like the world's falling apart. How am I supposed to bring a kid into that?
Javier Esposito: The world's always falling apart, bro. Since the beginning of time. But having kids, making a family, that's what keeps it together.

Captain Victoria Gates: There's a Manhattan flight carter which doesn't require you to radio in if you stay under 1300 feet. My mother-in-law is a licensed pilot, as she keeps reminding me. Part of a larger effort to make me feel inferior. I'm sorry, did I just say that out loud?
Kevin Ryan: Sounds like she's... staying with you, Captain?
Captain Victoria Gates: One day soon your in-laws will visit too, and when they do, think hotel.
[She walks away]
Captain Victoria Gates: Oh Lord, I hate the holidays.
Richard Castle: Yet another quality she has in common with the Grinch.

"Castle: An Embarrassment of Bitches (#4.13)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: [having agreed to temporarily keep the victim's dog at NYPD] There's got to be some food for him at Francisco's place. Who wants to make a run for it?
Javier Esposito: [derisive snort] To go get dog food?
[Beckett nods]
Javier Esposito: Castle.
Richard Castle: Ryan.
Kevin Ryan: Esposito.

Kate Beckett: We have reason to suspect that our killer was wearing your perfume.
Kay Cappuccio: Well, that's impossible. It wasn't even out yet. I'm the only person who had it.
Kevin Ryan: [watching with Esposito in the observation room] Does she realize she just incriminated herself?
Javier Esposito: I said she was nice. Didn't say anything about smart.

"Castle: Demons (#4.6)" (2011)
Richard Castle: I don't know, but I think it's time we found out.
Kate Beckett: Knock yourself out, Castle.
Richard Castle: You're not coming?
Kate Beckett: No. I've got a murder to solve.
Kevin Ryan: I'll go.
Richard Castle: [Talking about Beckett] Oh. That's a look.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah.
Richard Castle: I get these a lot. Just start walking. Faster.

Pete Benton: Matt had a terrible temper. He was convinced Melanie was cheating on him.
Kate Beckett: Was she?
Pete Benton: Wouldn't surprise me if she was. Matt thought it was somebody at work.
Kevin Ryan: [At the precinct] It wasn't someone Melanie worked with. I just tracked down George Banner, Melanie's manager at Flywide Travel from 20 years ago. He said Melanie had two coworkers, both guys.
Richard Castle: Aha.
Kevin Ryan: Married.
Richard Castle: Still.
Kevin Ryan: To each other.
Richard Castle: Oh.

"Castle: Need to Know (#6.3)" (2013)
Richard Castle: A washed up sitcom star hanging from a hook? Does it get any better?
Kevin Ryan: I grew up watching this show. Charlie Reynolds is highly underrated as an actor. "2 Cool For School" is a timeless gem.
Javier Esposito: Uh, I seriously doubt that.
Javier Esposito: Not that I ever watched it.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Mr. Castle! You're back. But not by popular demand.
Richard Castle: Nice to see you too, Perlmutter.
Kevin Ryan: Do you have a time of death for us?
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Uh, between 7PM and 2AM. The cause is obvious. He plummeted off the roof and landed on the hook.
Javier Esposito: Possible suicide.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Based on the crane's distance from the building and signs of struggle on the roof, he was pushed.

Richard Castle: [Watching Beckett and McCord] Maybe we should go over there and invite them in for some coffee, you know?
Javier Esposito: We are not serving them coffee. You bought the espresso machine for the NYPD. This is NYPD coffee only.
Richard Castle: C'mon, guys. That's a little harsh.
Kevin Ryan: Harsh? Beckett's a Judas. Her and her partner just hijacked out case.
Kevin Ryan: Who's side are you on?
Richard Castle: Your side. Guys, I'm - I'm on your side.
Javier Esposito: Hey Ryan, isn't it a little weird Castle shows up the same day that Agent Beckett takes over?
Kevin Ryan: Yes, it's quite a coincidence.
[They corner Castle]
Richard Castle: No, that's not a coincidence, that's - yeah, well. No, actually yes, it is a coincidence.
Javier Esposito: Maybe you and Beckett are in on this together. Maybe you are her inside man. You are Judas's Judas.

"Castle: Kick the Ballistics (#4.4)" (2011)
Richard Castle: You know, Ryan, none of this is your fault. The fact that he used your gun...
Kevin Ryan: That weapon was issued to me by the City of New York. I let it out of my hand and now a girl is dead. So please do not tell me that it's not my fault.

Kevin Ryan: When I started in Narcotics, I was so green. I-I didn't know how things got done. One day, there's this major bust - street gang cooking meth. They're stacking up guys in the bullpen, taking their statements one by one. Place is a zoo. I'm answering phones in the squad. Girl on the line, name of Alisha, asking for my lieutenant. So I call out across the bullpen "Hey lou, Alisha's on the phone for you."
[Beckett laughs]
Kevin Ryan: It was her tip that got these guys nailed, and all of them just heard me call out her name. Searched all day and all night, looking for her before the gang could get word back to the street that she was a narc.
Kate Beckett: Well, did you find her?
Kevin Ryan: I did. Got her into witness protection, but... that was the stupidest thing I'd ever done as a cop. Until the day Jerry Tyson got the drop on me and stole my weapon.

"Castle: A Murder Is Forever (#6.8)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: She was like the dog whisperer for CEO's.
Javier Esposito: [Skeptical] You really buy that.
Kevin Ryan: Well, yeah. Skimmed through her book. Think there might be something to her theory. For instance, she said that in every relationship, there needs to be a masculine energy and a feminine energy. Even in ours.
Javier Esposito: Oh. Well. We know which one you are.
Kevin Ryan: I don't know about you, but I'm very comfortable in my masculinity.
Javier Esposito: You do realize you're wearing a sweater vest, right?

Kevin Ryan: I spoke to the guys in Robbery, and at the FBI. No one has reported a diamond like this stolen. Not just recently. Ever.
Captain Victoria Gates: Then where did it come from?
Kate Beckett: And if it was stolen then why haven't the owners reported it?
Richard Castle: What if it's because they couldn't afford to?
[He theorizes as the music builds dramatically]
Richard Castle: Because the diamond has some kind of sordid past. Perhaps it's like the Hope diamond. It's cursed. Or, maybe it's an occult gem of great power. Smuggled out of Nazi Germany shoved up somebody's...
Captain Victoria Gates: Thank you, Mr. Castle!

"Castle: He's Dead, She's Dead (#3.2)" (2010)
Richard Castle: Did I hear you right? Our victim is Vivien Marchand, the psychic medium?
Kevin Ryan: You've heard of her?
Richard Castle: Yeah! She was very popular in certain Manhattan circles. As a matter of fact, she did a reading for me at a society party about eight years ago. It was pretty extraordinary.
Kate Beckett: Extraordinary?
Richard Castle: She got everything right. You know what? Come to think of it, she told me that a beautiful woman would one day move into my loft and stay with me forever. She neglected to mention it was my mother.

Kevin Ryan: [looking at their victim's business calendar] She's got a notation here for three p.m. yesterday. It just says "T.J."
Kate Beckett: And nothing else?
Kevin Ryan: Nope. Maybe T.J. was a ghost coming to visit. Mediums are the ones that can see ghosts, right, Castle?
Richard Castle: Yes. Psychics can tell the future, mediums can tell the future and talk to the dead.
Kate Beckett: That's like saying psychics are con artists, and mediums are con artists and charlatans. I mean, in the end, they're all just fakes.
Richard Castle: You sound pretty certain of yourself.
Kate Beckett: That's because when I started as a cop, I wasted a lot of time on clairvoyants calling tip lines with information that never lead to anything. I mean, I'm surprised you're so gullible.
Richard Castle: I'm not saying I can speak with the dead. I'm just willing to admit that there are people in this world who are more sensitive than me.
Kate Beckett: Now, that's not hard to believe.
Richard Castle: [realizing Beckett just insulted him] Walked right into that one.

"Castle: Cops & Robbers (#4.7)" (2011)
Kate Beckett: Esposito! There's a 10-30 at New Amsterdam Bank and Trust on Lex. Call Dispatch.
Kevin Ryan: 10-30? Since when are we handling bank robbery calls?
Kate Beckett: Castle's there.

Javier Esposito: I don't get it. This is a little old retired librarian. What could possibly be in her safe deposit box that would be worth all this?
Kevin Ryan: Nazi gold, cold fusion, map to Atlantis.
Javier Esposito: Hey! Castle junior. Could you maybe start thinking like a cop, please?

"Castle: Undead Again (#4.22)" (2012)
Richard Castle: Charlie has not been wrong yet. Maybe our killer is patient zero, other there right now on the streets of New York building an army of the undead.
Kate Beckett: Castle, what we are looking for is not a zombie but a very smart criminal who murdered David Locke and is now making our only witness look crazy. And he also dressed up in makeup and a costume to hide his identity.
[Gestures to photo]
Richard Castle: Unless that's not costume or makeup.
Kevin Ryan: I mean, he does look like a real zombie.
Javier Esposito: A real zombie? I'm embarrassed for you, bro.
Kate Beckett: Okay, then explain this. Why would a zombie go after a currency trader, at 4AM, in a garage?
Richard Castle: This one's easy. The more intelligent the victim, the more delicious the brains.

Kevin Ryan: [Escorting witnesses dressed as zombies out of the interrogation room] Alright, ladies, thanks for your help.
Javier Esposito: [Gesturing to one woman] Don't know about those shoes with that top. I'm just sayin'. I woulda went open toed.

"Castle: Still (#5.22)" (2013)
Kate Beckett: Castle, listen... thank you for staying with me.
Richard Castle: Always.
[Castle and Beckett lean in for a kiss, but sirens announcing Captain Gates' arrival stops them]
Richard Castle: [to Kevin Ryan as they hug] Perfect timing.
Det.Kevin Ryan: Definitely.
Det. Javier Esposito: You good?
Kate Beckett: Yeah... did she see it?
Det. Javier Esposito: No.
Captain Victoria Gates: Glad to see you, Detective. Even you, Mr. Castle. I have to say, I don't know too many men who would've done what you did.
Kate Beckett: Neither do I.
Captain Victoria Gates: Oh, for Heaven's sake Detective, just kiss the man!
[Esposito looks shocked]
Kate Beckett: Sir, you know?
Captain Victoria Gates: What? Do you think I'm an idiot? I needed to maintain plausible deniability, which I can continue, as long as you two both act professionally at the precinct.
Richard Castle: I know I can, but Captain, she has a long history of coming on to me at work...
Kate Beckett: I don't think it'll be a problem, Sir.
Captain Victoria Gates: Good. Meanwhile, as long as we're on neutral ground here, I'd say, uh, he deserves it, don't you?
Kate Beckett: Yes, Sir.

Det.Kevin Ryan: William. The kid's name is William.
Richard Castle: Seven letters.
Richard Castle: Billy.
Det.Kevin Ryan: Or... Willy.
Richard Castle: What kind of mother's gonna call her kid Willy unless she wants his ass kicked every day at the playground?

"Castle: Tick, Tick, Tick... (#2.17)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: Castle just finished making breakfast and he went to the door...
Kevin Ryan: What kind of breakfast?
Kate Beckett: Um, I'm sorry?
Kevin Ryan: What kind of breakfast was he making?
Kate Beckett: Pancakes.
Kevin Ryan: Well isn't that domestic.
Kate Beckett: [annoyed] Anyway, the paper usually arrives at four and we were up at seven so that means the killer had a three hour window where he could have left the body there unnoticed.
Kevin Ryan: Uh-huh, and exactly what time did you and Mr. Castle go to bed last night?
Kate Beckett: I think we're done here.

Javier Esposito: Dude, I see Beckett in her jammies, wine glasses on the table...
Richard Castle: There's nothing going on with Beckett and me! No more than there was yesterday.
Kevin Ryan: Dude, you made her pancakes?
Richard Castle: It's just breakfast!
Javier Esposito: Pancakes is not just breakfast, it's an edible way of saying, 'Thank you SO much for last night.'
Kevin Ryan: Castle, come on, we're your friends- details.
Richard Castle: Okay, come here.
[the boys form a huddle]
Richard Castle: There are no details!
Javier Esposito: I can't even look at you right now.
Kevin Ryan: [writing on his notepad] Witness refuses to cooperate.

"Castle: Deep in Death (#2.1)" (2009)
NYPD Captain Roy Montgomery: [after the morgue... mobile is hit by a car, Lanie the Medical Examiner is seeing if Castle is okay] Well?
Lanie Parish: [after flashing a light in Castle's eyes and pinching his ear] He'll live.
Kevin Ryan: What, no brain damage?
Lanie Parish: If he has some, it happened before tonight and it was probably self-inflicted.
Richard Castle: Ahh, good times.

Richard Castle: [a body is up in a tree] It's raining men.
Lanie Parish: Castle, what are you doing here?
Kate Beckett: Don't worry, we're still mad at him.
Kevin Ryan: [to Esposito] Guy in a tree, Mom and Dad bickering, seems like old times.

"Castle: Nikki Heat (#3.11)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: [watching Natalie, who is dressed like Beckett, in the bullpen] We really should have a code word so we all know which Beckett to kill when her clone army attacks.
Kate Beckett: Unless we make a preemptive strike.

[Castle, Beckett, and Ryan are huddled together in the break room]
Javier Esposito: What are you guys doing?
Kevin Ryan: Hiding from creepy Beckett.

"Castle: Under the Gun (#3.3)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: [Canvassing a cemetery at night, guns drawn] You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splittin' off like this.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy co-eds out lookin' for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough fire-power to take out a whole horde of the undead.
Kevin Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you'd definitely die first.

Kevin Ryan: [Canvassing a cemetery at night, guns drawn] You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splittin' off like this.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy co-eds out lookin' for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough fire-power to take out a whole horde of the undead.
Kevin Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you'd definitely die first.
Richard Castle: [Cut to Beckett & Castle canvassing another part of the same cemetery] You know, if this were a horror movie...
Kate Beckett: Castle, focus!

"Castle: The Squab and the Quail (#5.21)" (2013)
Richard Castle: Is that Eric Vaughn?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, yeah. He was part of the victim's dinner party. He's a billionaire inventor, right?
Richard Castle: Yeah. Inventor, innovator, and number 8 on my LSL.
Kevin Ryan: LSL?
Richard Castle: Last supper list. You and a table of 12 with anyone from history. What is mine, you ask? I'm glad you did. In order it is, Lincoln, Einstein, Ian Fleming, John Lennon, Joan of Arc, Sinatra
[Gets a look from Beckett]
Richard Castle: And you, of course.

Javier Esposito: Beckett's hanging with Vaughn? Hell yeah you should be worried. His hit list includes half of Maxim's Hot 100. Oh, and unlike you, his helicopter doesn't need a remote control.
Javier Esposito: Don't listen to him, Castle. Beckett's loyal to you. She's not going be seduced by his charms.
Richard Castle: [hopeful] Really?
Javier Esposito: So you'd let Jenny hang with him, then?
Kevin Ryan: Hell no. I wouldn't let Jenny near that guy.
Richard Castle: Thanks. Okay, but I'm not worried.
[gets looks]
Richard Castle: I'm not. I just - I can't believe the department is forcing her to hang out with some womanizing rich guy against her will.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah. Unbelievable.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, she's never done that before.

"Castle: Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind (#3.9)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: Those hickeys?
Javier Esposito: Yes.
Kate Beckett: No
Richard Castle: I wish.

"Castle: One Man's Treasure (#2.10)" (2009)
Kate Beckett: Yeah, well, never underestimate the fragility of the male ego.
Kevin Ryan: Oh, see? That's just a stero...
Richard Castle: Don't. Don't. That's... She's baiting us, all right? Just ignore her and she'll lose her witchy powers.
Kate Beckett: You wish.

"Castle: The Fast and the Furriest (#5.20)" (2013)
Javier Esposito: I may have an explanation for those facial wounds. Turns out our victim worked at a retirement home called Haven House.
Richard Castle: Vicious blood thirsty old folks? Is that your theory?
Javier Esposito: This home is not for people, Castle. It's a primate sanctuary. Mostly for apes and chimpanzees and monkeys who have retired from the movie business.
Kevin Ryan: I always wanted a pet monkey when I was a kid. Big Curious George fan.
Richard Castle: Yeah, wait 'til George grows up. An adult chimpanzee can reach 200 pounds, tear off a man's face, hands, and naughty bits.
Kate Beckett: All right, we're going to go to the primate sanctuary. If Anne was attacked there maybe someone dumped her body to cover it up. And call me if you get anything on that sedan.
Kevin Ryan: [Calls as they leave] George would never do that!

"Castle: Reality Star Struck (#5.14)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Javier Esposito: Yeah? Jenny again?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah... her temperature has spiked this morning and suddenly it's show time. She's got this baby-making down to a science.
Richard Castle: Sounds romantic.
Kevin Ryan: I feel like a rooster in a hen house, except for there's only one hen. A very bossy hen.

"Castle: Ghosts (#1.8)" (2009)
Richard Castle: Someone say "murder". Hold on, I'll get my coat.
Javier Esposito: Look at him, all excited.
Kate Beckett: Yeah, like a kid at Christmas.
Kevin Ryan: With a dead body under the tree.

"Castle: Under the Influence (#5.11)" (2013)
Richard Castle: If he didn't kill Holly then who did?
Javier Esposito: The brains behind this operation, that's who. A kid like Joey goes from smash and grab to stealing a half a mil in jewelry? I don't think so. Someone put him up to this.
Kevin Ryan: No, it makes sense. Some savvy criminals use minors to do their dirty work.
Richard Castle: Of course. A Fagin to Joey's Oliver Twist.
Kevin Ryan: And if Holly's involved, that makes her the Artful Dodger. Or the Artful DJ.
Richard Castle: Ooh, nicely played.

"Castle: Vampire Weekend (#2.6)" (2009)
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [At Castle's Halloween party, Ryan says to Castle] You throw a great shindig, for a 19th-century poet, Mr. Poe.

"Castle: Law & Boarder (#6.21)" (2014)
[after arguing over who deserves to be Castle's best man, Ryan and Esposito are disappointed to learn he already asked Alexis]
Javier Esposito: I can't believe we lost to a girl.
Kevin Ryan: Let's never speak of this again.
Javier Esposito: Speak of what?

"Castle: The Lives of Others (#5.19)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Castle. How's the knee?
Richard Castle: It's not the knee so much as the boredom.
Javier Esposito: I thought you writers liked being alone.
Richard Castle: Yeah, if I could write. But the painkillers make me a little loopy. Last night I used the word 'speculate' three times in the same sentence.
Kevin Ryan: [Sees a pair of binoculars] Hmm. You must be bored. You've actually gone 'Rear Window'
Richard Castle: Alexis got me those as a joke to cheer me up. I have not yet resorted to voyeurism.
Kevin Ryan: [Ryan has picked up the binoculars and has trained them on the windows across the street] Then you are missing out.
Javier Esposito: What? Let me see.
[They fight over the binoculars]
Kevin Ryan: Hey, no!
Javier Esposito: Give me those!
Kevin Ryan: [Javier claims the binoculars] Dude, she was just about to take off her towel.
Javier Esposito: Oh, the towel's off.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah?
Kate Beckett: [Comes up behind them] Unless the body you're looking at is dead I suggest you drop those binoculars

"Castle: The Limey (#4.20)" (2012)
Richard Castle: [Castle wheels in a white board] OK boys, here it is.
Kevin Ryan: Here's what?
Richard Castle: My foolproof plan for getting Nigel's fingerprint. Nigel lives in a high-rise apartment, here on Park Avenue.
Javier Esposito: High security.
Richard Castle: Exactly. Ryan, you'll be here, front door, dressed as a flower delivery boy. Esposito, you'll be here, dressed as a hobo.
Javier Esposito: Question: why does the brown man gotta be the hobo?
Richard Castle: You want the flowers?
Javier Esposito: Hobo it is.
Richard Castle: You guys will cause a distraction here, while I... rapelle down the side of the building, with Nikolai.
Kevin Ryan: Who's Nikolai?
Richard Castle: He's a Romanian gymnast I met on YouTube. He's extremely flexible, and fits right in the duffle bag, with a glass cutter.

"Castle: Countdown (#3.17)" (2011)
Richard Castle: How'd you find us?
Javier Esposito: Oh, Alexis called. Said you didn't come home.
Richard Castle: Alexis? She's supposed to be out of town.
Javier Esposito: I guess she came back. We figured you were with Beckett, until Josh called.
Kevin Ryan: We thought you must be out there doing something incredibly stupid against orders, so we sent patrol units everywhere we figured you'd be moronic enough to go. Found Beckett's car, and searched the area until we found the light from the storage container.
Richard Castle: Well, I'm glad my stupidity's predictable.

"Castle: Famous Last Words (#2.7)" (2009)
Richard Castle: Do you still have truant officers?
Roy Montgomery: [shrugs] Budget cuts.
Richard Castle: You are so lucky.
Javier Esposito: Found your stalker. Franco Marquez, AKA Frankie Markie. Hayley filed half a dozen complaints against him. Says here that he even tried to break into her apartment and when she filed against him he showed up in court and called her a...
[stops, looks at Castle and Alexis]
Javier Esposito: B-I-T-C-H.
Richard Castle: She can spell, Detective.
Kevin Ryan: Probably better then you!

"Castle: Linchpin (#4.16)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: What do you think this is about, huh?
Javier Esposito: Smells like an intelligence op.
Kevin Ryan: CIA? NSA? DHS?
Javier Esposito: Same letters, different alphabet. I had some buddies from the service volunteer for intelligence ops.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, how'd they like it?
Javier Esposito: They all died.

"Castle: The Time of Our Lives (#7.6)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: [Leading two suspects away] Hey, Castle. You missed all the excitement. We were awesome. Weren't we, Javi?
Javier Esposito: [Leading Lark away] As usual.

"Castle: Cloudy with a Chance of Murder (#5.2)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: [about Castle's date with Kristina] What's your point?
Kevin Ryan: Isn't it obvious? She's *totally* gonna put the moves on him.
Javier Esposito: No way. Not gonna happen.
Kate Beckett: Thank you. For actually showing some maturity.
Javier Esposito: He's totally gonna put the moves on *her*.
Kate Beckett: Don't you guys think that he's actually evolved beyond that by now?
Javier Esposito: He's a man. He has a pulse. So...
Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan: No.

"Castle: Target (#5.15)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Hasim Farouk is a Saudi national living here as a student.
Richard Castle: Majoring in what? Urban warfare?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, undeclared, actually. Up at Columbia.
[Castle does a double take]
Kate Beckett: So what was he doing in lower Manhattan?
Richard Castle: More importantly, what is Columbia doing admitting gun toting lunatics and are there any more of them?
[Takes out his phone]
Richard Castle: For the record, I'm not calling to check on Alexis. I'm just checking my email.

"Castle: 3XK (#3.6)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: I see domestic complaints by the double digits...
Richard Castle: Filed by his wife.
Kevin Ryan: Ex-wife. They were divorced last month after being married for four years.
Richard Castle: So in a way, he did just get out of prison.

"Castle: Sucker Punch (#2.13)" (2010)
Javier Esposito: Meet the late Jack Coonan.
Kate Beckett: Why is that name familiar?
Kevin Ryan: 'Cause it probably crossed all our desks a dozen times in the last few years. Aggravated assault, ADW, arson.
Javier Esposito: Coonan had a heavy rep. Word is he's an enforcer for the Westies.
Lanie Parish: Okay, remind me. Who are the Westies again?
Richard Castle: Irish mafia out of Hell's Kitchen.
Kate Beckett: They deal in cargo theft, counterfeiting, extortion.
Kevin Ryan: And public urination on St. Patrick's Day.

"Castle: The Dead Pool (#3.21)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: Check out the text messages that Bridget fired off to Zack on the night he was killed.
Richard Castle: Ooh! Not a lot of "LoLs" in there.
Kate Beckett: "Zack, if you leave me, I swear to God I'll kill you."
Richard Castle: She has a way with words.
Kate Beckett: And a record to go with it.
Kevin Ryan: Disorderly conduct. Mostly minor stuff. Uniforms are bringing her in now.
Captain Roy Montgomery: It says here she's 5'2". You really think she could overpower Zack?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, no. But her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them. Each over six foot, each with his own claim to fame. Assault.
Richard Castle: Ooh.
Kevin Ryan: Ag assault.
Richard Castle: Bad.
Kevin Ryan: ADW.
Richard Castle: Yee.
Kevin Ryan: Battery. Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.
Richard Castle: Doesn't count.
Captain Roy Montgomery: Easy.
Kevin Ryan: Dude.

"Castle: Knockout (#3.24)" (2011)
Richard Castle: Who's Napolitano?
Kevin Ryan: Oh, he worked with Raglan on a couple of drug busts. But he was at his daughter's wedding the night Bob Armen was shot, so he's not our third cop.
Richard Castle: Where is he now?
Javier Esposito: He died of heart failure, back in 1993. Why are you asking about Napolitano?
Richard Castle: Uh... he and Raglan are listed as the arresting officers on this report. But... this has been altered.
Javier Esposito: What?
Kevin Ryan: How can you tell?
Richard Castle: Because I know typewriters. Older typewriters use cloth ribbon. If you look closely, you can see the striations in the typeface. Newer typewriters used film ribbon. Someone whited-out the assisting officer's name on this report, photocopied it, and then typed in Napolitano's name. It's a cover-up, literally.
Javier Esposito: I'll be damned.

"Castle: Lucky Stiff (#3.14)" (2011)
Kate Beckett: Any idea how much money was in here?
Reginald Easley: $100,000, secured in a bank bag.
Kevin Ryan: Uh, this is Reginald Easley. He's Mr. Hixton's servant.
Reginald Easley: "Servant"? Young man, I am a traditional English butler. I apprenticed at Buckingham Palace.
Kate Beckett: Did he always keep that much hard cash in the safe?
Reginald Easley: Mr. Hixton came from an impoverished background. He found having hard currency around reassuring.
Kate Beckett: How many people knew that it was there?
Reginald Easley: Dozens, no doubt. He had a habit of buying everything in sight. No thought to how much money he was flashing around, or how dangerous it was to tell people that there was plenty more of it at home.
Richard Castle: In New York, that's like inviting someone back to your house to kill you.

"Castle: Head Case (#4.3)" (2011)
Richard Castle: Missing body, killers who literally cover their tracks... anyone else getting a quick strike assassin squad vibe?
Kevin Ryan: Oh c'mon Castle, you're not saying it's some type of black ops job?
Richard Castle: I'm not saying it. The evidence is saying it. I'm betting this guy's buried at sea by now.
Kate Beckett: Lanie, there's an imprint in the blood.
Lanie Parish: Yeah, it looks like a box or a case.
Kate Beckett: Might have been our victim's.
Richard Castle: Nuclear launch codes, probably.

"Castle: To Love and Die in L.A. (#3.22)" (2011)
Captain Roy Montgomery: You heard from Beckett?
Javier Esposito: No, sir.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, me neither.
Captain Roy Montgomery: She's not answering her cell.
Javier Esposito: Maybe she's airborne.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, that would explain her phone being turned off.
Captain Roy Montgomery: Oh. You know, I'm trying to decide who is the worse liar. Him or you.
[Esposito nods at Ryan]

"Castle: Valkyrie (#6.1)" (2013)
Javier Esposito: So listen. We just finished a case. Come have a drink with us after work
Richard Castle: Oh, I'd love to, but I'm working on a case of my own right now.
Richard Castle: For my next book.
Javier Esposito: Ohh, so you just called us 'cause you need some expert technical consulting?
Richard Castle: Well, since you offered. I'm writing a scene about someone trying to investigate using only one evidence photo. A crime involving national security.
Kevin Ryan: So your hero's a spy?
Richard Castle: More like a ruggedly handsome every man. Anyway, the photo is of a blown transformer, so I... pulled a random photo of a transformer off the internet and there's a serial number on the side. I'm trying to determine how much my character could figure out just from that number. I was wondering if my character's police buddies might have any... resources.
Javier Esposito: Well, if your hero's fictional cop buddies are anything like your real cop buddies, then they'd have real work to get back to, so... bye bye now.
Richard Castle: What if our hero was offering Knicks floor seats?
Javier Esposito: What's that serial number?

"Castle: Clear & Present Danger (#7.3)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: Hmmm. What's this?
[Reading a note left with a box on his desk]
Kevin Ryan: Time you had a proper uniform. Love, Javi.
Javier Esposito: It's from the heart, bro.
Kevin Ryan: Okay.
[Opens the box and pulls out a thong that says 'Security' on it]
Javier Esposito: Too big?

"Castle: The Late Shaft (#2.20)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: Once we suspected blackmail, I ran through his financials again.
Kate Beckett: I thought they were clean.
Kevin Ryan: Well, they were. But going back, we found this.
[hands Beckett a folder]
Kate Beckett: He spent a hundred grand on a kitchen reno.
Kevin Ryan: Totally legitimate, but we searched his brownstone.
Richard Castle: And he wasn't renovating his kitchen.
Kate Beckett: So who was on the receiving end of the hundred grand?
Kevin Ryan: Zack Robinson.
Richard Castle: Ooh, good bad guy name. Snaky "z", hard "k." Even has "rob" in it.

"Castle: Kill Switch (#7.8)" (2014)
Javier Esposito: [On the phone with Ryan] Hey, bro. Yeah, I followed him down to the subway. I'm looking for him now.
Kevin Ryan: What, you lost him?
Javier Esposito: No, I didn't lose him. I just... don't have visual contact.

"Castle: Swan Song (#5.7)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: [Seeing Ryan and Esposito come in with a suspect] Hey, is that our stalker?
Javier Esposito: Ex stalker. He won't be seein' daylight any time soon.
Kevin Ryan: LT, could you please take him to the interrogation room? Thank you.
Javier Esposito: [Directly to the camera] You should watch from observation while I tear this guy apart.
Kate Beckett: So... uh... we like this guy?
Kevin Ryan: We found blood stained overalls in his van. We sent 'em to be tested, see if they match the blood from our vic.
Javier Esposito: [Hard edged and over the top] Oh, they match. Trust me, bro. You don't have to worry about this creep hurtin' anyone ever again.
[Directly to the camera again]
Javier Esposito: That's a gift from me to you. You're welcome, America.

"Castle: Setup (#3.16)" (2011)
DHS Agent Mark Fallon: [Giving a presentation] Thank you, Captain. Alright, folks, here's what we know. Amir Alhabi built a bomb in storage unit C412. It's a dirty bomb, designed to explode and disburse a highly radioactive Cobalt 60. That bomb is missing...
Kevin Ryan: Called Jenny to tell her I'd be late. Tried to get her to go visit her mom.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, I did the same thing with Lanie. Didn't work. She hates her mom.

"Castle: Wrapped Up in Death (#2.19)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: Do you want to?
Javier Esposito: No, go ahead bro, you caught it.
Kevin Ryan: You sure?
Kate Beckett: You know, whenever you guys are done being cute.

"Castle: Nanny McDead (#1.2)" (2009)
Kevin Ryan: Mrs Rosenberg, 9E here, comes down to put her clothes in the dryer, finds it's occupied, comes down a half an hour later and she's had enough. Decides to take matters into her own hands.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: Come on, you're telling me an old lady killed someone over a busy dryer?
Kevin Ryan: What? No, she's just tired of waiting around. So, she opens up the drier to take the other person's clothes out. Finds Miss Fluff and Fold here instead.
Javier Esposito: If that's not a cautionary tale about poking around someone's laundry, I don't know what is.
Kevin Ryan: Dude, there is an etiquette involved. If the clothes were dry, Mrs Rosenberg had every right to put them in the basket.Now, if you're going to tell me that she folded them, then it gets a little creepy.
Javier Esposito: 'm sorry, but if someone starts rooting around in my underwear without an invitation, I'm taking it as a serious breach of hygiene.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: I thought you went commando, Esposito?
Javier Esposito: Well. It's a seasonal thing.

"Castle: Heartbreak Hotel (#4.8)" (2011)
Javier Esposito: Castle's right. I mean, since we're going to be there, we might as well consider the Sapphire as a potential bachelor party venue.
Richard Castle: I'm so happy you said that, because there are a number of establishments down there that cater to bachelor party events. I think maybe we should take a little sampling.
Kevin Ryan: No, no, no. We are not sampling any clubs.
Javier Esposito: What? C'mon, bro. Why are you stallin' us on this?
Kevin Ryan: Look Javier, I -
Kevin Ryan: I got some bad news.
[Esposito glances at him]
Kevin Ryan: ... I had to ask Jenny's half-brother Nelson to be my best man.
Javier Esposito: [Outraged] Nelson? That guy I met at your birthday party? 16 with braces? Couldn't stop talking about being a mathlete?
Kevin Ryan: It was a family thing. I - I didn't have a choice.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, you did.
Richard Castle: Actually, when it comes to weddings, you don't. Trust me, you do not want to start a marriage with a family feud.
[There's a brief silence]
Javier Esposito: This sucks.
Kevin Ryan: I know.
Javier Esposito: And I was going to give you an awesome sendoff, bro.
Kevin Ryan: I know.
Richard Castle: Well boys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to come to this. I didn't want it to, but it looks like we have no choice. There is no other way. IBPWOC. Impromptu bachelor party while on case!

"Castle: Law & Murder (#3.19)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: "Cowards die many times before their death. The valiant never taste of death but once."
Javier Esposito: Bro, you're not Castle.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, I know I'm not Castle.
Javier Esposito: Then stop trying to talk like him.
Kevin Ryan: What, I'm not allowed to reference the Bard? I'm a renaissance man.
Javier Esposito: Memorizing one quote does not make you a renaissance man.
Kevin Ryan: What if I memorize two?
Javier Esposito: Have you? Memorized two?
Kevin Ryan: No. But what if I did?
Javier Esposito: Depends on the quote.

"Castle: The Double Down (#2.2)" (2009)
[Kate, Esposito, and Ryan are stuck on their respective cases]
Kate Beckett: We've been over these cases so many times, it's hard to see straight anymore. All right. We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Javier Esposito: All right.
Richard Castle: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.
Kate Beckett: You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Richard Castle: Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.
Javier Esposito: What are you getting at, Castle?
Richard Castle: "Strangers on a Train".
Kevin Ryan: The Hitchcock movie?
Richard Castle: I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?
[Castle takes pictures of suspects off the murder board]
Javier Esposito: Right.
Richard Castle: We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?
Kate Beckett: Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.
Richard Castle: And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims who are connected. It's our murderers. Crisscross!

"Castle: Number One Fan (#6.4)" (2013)
Lanie Parish: Girl, what are you doing here?
Kate Beckett: Uh... Captain Gates said that I could come.
Lanie Parish: That's not what I meant. Shouldn't you be off looking at wedding venues or something?
Kate Beckett: No, we haven't even set a date. We're just trying to enjoy our engagement. Why is everyone trying to rush us?
Kevin Ryan: Think you're being rushed now, wait until after the wedding. Not ten minutes from the alter they'll all be like, 'when are you two having a baby?'.
Javier Esposito: Bro, your wife's hormonal because she's pregnant. What's your excuse?

"Castle: Death Gone Crazy (#5.12)" (2013)
Kate Beckett: You got anything?
Kevin Ryan: Well, um... I never thought I'd say this after graduating the sixth grade, but our bra research is in.

"Castle: The Wild Rover (#5.18)" (2013)
Special Agent Sam Walker: [V.O] You've been out of it a long time, Detective. There's a new hierarchy. And you're going to have to win them over, fast. Seven years since you've been Fenton. It's not enough to act like him. You must become him.
Kevin Ryan: I am Fenton O'Connell.
Special Agent Sam Walker: [V.O] If you're not convincing, you're dead.
Kevin Ryan: I am Fenton O'Connell.

"Castle: Anatomy of a Murder (#3.5)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: Our victim's student loans. Since graduating med school, Dr. Monroe has been regularly making minimum amount payments on her $440,000 student loan.
Kevin Ryan: That's how much it costs to become a doctor? Glad I became a cop.

"Castle: The Human Factor (#5.23)" (2013)
Jared Stack: The facial recognition system is scanning footage over the last two hours from all the main departure points.
Javier Esposito: How accurate is this thin really?
Jared Stack: Well, if he passed in front of one of those cameras it'll spot him.
Kevin Ryan: Man, talk about Big Brother. There's got to be a way to beat the system though, right?
Jared Stack: Wear big sunglasses, let your bangs hang down over your forehead. It totally messes with the software.
Javier Esposito: What if you don't have bangs?
Jared Stack: Wear heavy makeup. Paint random colored shapes all over your face.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, I'm not doing that.

"Castle: Hell Hath No Fury (#1.4)" (2009)
Kevin Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Javier Esposito: "Roadkill"?
Kevin Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... It's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, well, I prefer not to be trickled on.
Kevin Ryan: You know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Javier Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.
Kevin Ryan: Fifty-fourth and Lex.
Javier Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

"Castle: Last Call (#3.10)" (2010)
Javier Esposito: According to his fingerprints, his name is Donald Hayes. Navy veteran, served in Desert Storm, and he's been a dock worker since '94.
Kevin Ryan: Somehow still employed as one. Our victim, Donny Hayes. Currently clocked in and on duty at the East Side docks.
Richard Castle: Which either means he's an incredibly dedicated zombie...
Kate Beckett: Or he's a suspect in our murder.