Kevin Ryan
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Quotes for
Kevin Ryan (Character)
from "Castle" (2009)

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"Castle: A Deadly Affair (#3.1)" (2010)
[seeing a cardboard cutout of Castle in a bookstore window]
Kevin Ryan: He really is ruggedly handsome.

Kate Beckett: [Castle was discovered at a crime scene with a gun in his hands] So you, being the expert veteran of dozens of crime scenes, decided to pick up the murder weapon to what, ensure that we had your prints?
Richard Castle: Maybe you missed the part where I said she was shot dead. When I heard the noises coming from the next room, I thought whoever killed her was coming back. So I picked up the gun to defend myself. It seemed like a very good idea at the time. That's when you, Esposito, and Annie Oakley come bursting through the door.
Captain Roy Montgomery: [in the observation room with Ryan and Esposito] Annie Oakley?
Kevin Ryan: I... kind of almost shot Castle.
[seeing Montgomery's look]
Kevin Ryan: What? He had a gun.

[at his desk, Ryan is trying to balance an egg on its tip; as Beckett walks by, it falls on the floor and breaks]
Kate Beckett: Are you guys re-enacting the Humpty Dumpty crime scene?
Kevin Ryan: It's the autumnal equinox today.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, and according to Mr. Wizard there, it's the only time of year you can balance an egg on its tip.
Kate Beckett: Don't you guys have work to do?
Javier Esposito: Nah.
Kevin Ryan: No, not really.
Kate Beckett: [tossing a folder onto Ryan's desk] Hmm. Well, now you do.
[Beckett nonverbally tells Ryan to clean the egg mess up, then heads to her own desk]
Kate Beckett: By the way, that whole thing with the egg is just urban legend.
Kevin Ryan: Not true. I saw Castle do it last year.
Javier Esposito: [seeing Ryan has hit a nerve, Espo slaps his head] What's wrong with you?

Javier Esposito: [re: Castle] Still no word from him?
Kate Beckett: No.
Kevin Ryan: Maybe you should call him.
Kate Beckett: He said that he would be back in the fall, and it's fall, so clearly he has better things to do.

Kevin Ryan: [at the crime scene outside a bookstore] Hey, it's Castle!
[seeing Castle approaching, they realize it's just the store owner carrying a cardboard cutout of Castle holding "Naked Heat"]
Kevin Ryan: I guess he did finish that book.
Lanie Parish: [sarcastic] Nice of him to send us a copy.
[the store owner puts a cardboard poster of Castle up in the window reading "Meet the author this Friday at 7 PM"]
Kevin Ryan: Looks like he's back in town.
Javier Esposito: [also sarcastic] Nice of him to call.
Kate Beckett: All right, guys, you can stop pining for your girlfriend. After all, we got a body full of holes.

Kevin Ryan: Hey, bad news. According to the banks, our victims' deposits were made in cash. There's no way to trace the payments. And since the deposits were less than $10,000, there was no report made to the IRS.
Kate Beckett: Which means that our victims were most likely involved in something illegal.
Richard Castle: Just so you know, I got that from "shot to death".
Kevin Ryan: So?
[to Beckett]
Kevin Ryan: So... what illegal activity involves vending machines, an artist, and a high school teacher?
Richard Castle: I know. Even the stuff I'm making up in my head doesn't make sense.


"Castle: Kick the Ballistics (#4.4)" (2011)
Richard Castle: You know, Ryan, none of this is your fault. The fact that he used your gun...
Kevin Ryan: That weapon was issued to me by the City of New York. I let it out of my hand and now a girl is dead. So please do not tell me that it's not my fault.

Kevin Ryan: When I started in Narcotics, I was so green. I-I didn't know how things got done. One day, there's this major bust - street gang cooking meth. They're stacking up guys in the bullpen, taking their statements one by one. Place is a zoo. I'm answering phones in the squad. Girl on the line, name of Alisha, asking for my lieutenant. So I call out across the bullpen "Hey lou, Alisha's on the phone for you."
[Beckett laughs]
Kevin Ryan: It was her tip that got these guys nailed, and all of them just heard me call out her name. Searched all day and all night, looking for her before the gang could get word back to the street that she was a narc.
Kate Beckett: Well, did you find her?
Kevin Ryan: I did. Got her into witness protection, but... that was the stupidest thing I'd ever done as a cop. Until the day Jerry Tyson got the drop on me and stole my weapon.

Javier Esposito: [Beckett has interrupted an interrogation] My man Finn, inches from confessing.
[seeing Beckett in a huff]
Javier Esposito: What?
Kevin Ryan: What's going on?
Kate Beckett: Ballistics just came in. The bullet that killed Jane Herzfeld is from a gun that's in our system. It's a Glock 17.
Javier Esposito: That's good news.
Kate Beckett: Ryan, it's a match to your old service weapon.
Kevin Ryan: That can't be right.
Kate Beckett: It's not a mistake. The weapon that killed Jane Herzfeld... it's yours.

Richard Castle: I was just thinking... if our killer is someone in Lee's organization, then he must have gotten your gun from Jerry Tyson.
Kevin Ryan: Which means our killer may know Tyson's whereabouts. We nail him, we nail 3XK.
Kate Beckett: Yeah, but there's nothing in Tyson's background that indicates a connection to the Chinese mob.
Richard Castle: Maybe the shooter is connected to the Lees. Someone Tyson crossed paths with during his four years in prison. Someone working for the Tong. If I find out who that someone is, maybe we have our shooter.
Kate Beckett: Wading through four years of prison records, it's a lot of work.
Richard Castle: I don't mind.

[after Ryan approached Ben Lee undercover as a college student, using Esposito to distract Lee's bodyguard]
Kate Beckett: What the hell were you two thinking, going to see Ben Lee when Gates specifically said "stay away"?
Javier Esposito: Who's gonna tell her, Beckett? Not me. Ryan, are you planning on telling the captain what we did?
Kevin Ryan: Not me. Castle?
Richard Castle: [taking a photo of Ryan and Espo in their outlandish getups] Who, me? No way.
Kate Beckett: Nice, smartass. And what about when Ben Lee talks to his dad and Gates gets a phone call from their lawyer? You two are gonna get benched.
Kevin Ryan: Ben Lee's not gonna tell his father.
Kate Beckett: How do you know?
Kevin Ryan: Because I looked him in the eye and I saw the pain he's in. Maybe he's not man enough to stand up for himself, but he's not gonna rat me out, either.


"Castle: Still (#5.22)" (2013)
Kate Beckett: Castle, listen... thank you for staying with me.
Richard Castle: Always.
[they lean in to kiss, but sirens announcing Captain Gates' arrival stop them]
Richard Castle: [to Ryan as they hug] Perfect timing.
Det.Kevin Ryan: Definitely.
Det. Javier Esposito: You good?
Kate Beckett: Yeah... did she see it?
Det. Javier Esposito: No.
Captain Victoria Gates: Glad to see you, Detective. Even you, Mr. Castle. I have to say, I don't know too many men who would've done what you did.
Kate Beckett: Neither do I.
Captain Victoria Gates: Oh, for Heaven's sake Detective, just kiss the man!
[Esposito looks shocked]
Kate Beckett: Sir, you know?
Captain Victoria Gates: What? Do you think I'm an idiot? I needed to maintain plausible deniability, which I can continue, as long as you two both act professionally at the precinct.
Richard Castle: I know I can, but Captain, she has a long history of coming on to me at work...
Kate Beckett: I don't think it'll be a problem, sir.
Captain Victoria Gates: Good. Meanwhile, as long as we're on neutral ground here, I'd say, uh, he deserves it, don't you?
Kate Beckett: Yes, sir.

Det.Kevin Ryan: William. The kid's name is William.
Richard Castle: Seven letters.
[thinks]
Richard Castle: Billy.
Det.Kevin Ryan: Or... Willy.
Richard Castle: What kind of mother's gonna call her kid Willy unless she wants his ass kicked every day at the playground?

Kate Beckett: That? Castle, that was called survival. We were just huddling for warmth.
Richard Castle: Cuddling?
Kate Beckett: Huddling!
Richard Castle: Or... one could see it as small part of a larger pattern. Unwanted touching in the workplace.
Kate Beckett: Oh, so you're being harassed, is that it?
Richard Castle: Yeah, you're very lucky. A less understanding man would press charges with all the... inappropriate things you've said to me.
Kate Beckett: Really? Like what?
[flashback]
Richard Castle: Oh, jeez! How do you even get in that position?
Det.Kevin Ryan: Right? It's not even possible.
Kate Beckett: Oh, it's possible.
[new flashback]
Kate Beckett: [teaching Castle to shoot] Okay, gauntlet your right fist in your left palm.
Richard Castle: Whoa! Shot too soon.
Kate Beckett: You know, we could always just cuddle, Castle.
[new flashback]
Richard Castle: Did you just use the word "veritable"?
Kate Beckett: Yes, I did.
Richard Castle: Sexy.
Kate Beckett: You should hear me say "fallacious".
[new flashback]
Kate Beckett: Closest I ever came to taking an art class was posing for one as a model.
Richard Castle: Wait. Posing in?
Kate Beckett: Not a stitch.

Det. Javier Esposito: [on the phone with Beckett and Castle] Seriously? Who liked who first?
Kate Beckett: That's right. Who was into whom first, me or Castle?
Det. Javier Esposito: You do realize that I'm busy trying to save your life?
Kate Beckett: Just answer the question, Espo, and don't be afraid to hurt his feelings.
Richard Castle: And don't forget about how jealous she got that time we worked that case at my ex-girlfriend's wedding.
Kate Beckett: Or how jealous he got when I was with Demming.
Richard Castle: Or before that, how jealous she got about me and my ex-wife.
Det.Kevin Ryan: [approaching Esposito] Who're you talking to?
Kate Beckett: Or remember when you wrote that...
Det. Javier Esposito: [covering the mouthpiece] It's Castle and Beckett. I think they're starting to crack. Check it out.
[Esposito puts the call on speakerphone]
Richard Castle: Or how jealous about me and Serena Kaye, or Sophia from the CIA. Oh, Agent Shaw from the FBI.
Det.Kevin Ryan: Yeah, wow. Totally losing it.

Captain Victoria Gates: BDU just confirmed it - Beckett's standing on a bomb. Trace detection estimates ten kilograms of RDX. Enough to take out the whole building.
Det. Javier Esposito: So what's the plan?
Det.Kevin Ryan: [Gates doesn't respond] Sir, tell me there's a plan.
Captain Victoria Gates: They're working on it.


"Castle: The Mistress Always Spanks Twice (#2.16)" (2010)
Richard Castle: The psychology doesn't make any sense. The crime scene was pretty elaborately staged, which seems to suggest a significant amount of premeditation, but the murder itself, strangulation, might indicate a crime of passion.
Kevin Ryan: The guy covered her in caramel. Do you really think we're gonna find a logical explanation?
Kate Beckett: Only a handful of bondage shops in the city do custom work, so let's take photos of those cuffs, send it out, see if anyone can ID where it came from.
Richard Castle: [Ryan and Esposito leave] "Only a handful of shops"? Okay, what aren't you telling me?
Kate Beckett: So much, Castle. So very, very much.

Kevin Ryan: [searching a bondage website for leads] It's a little creepy doing this with you breathing on my neck.
Javier Esposito: Oh, sorry, bro. I'd do it on mine, but IA checks browser history, so...
Kevin Ryan: [sarcastically] Great. Thanks.
Javier Esposito: What does that thing do?
Kevin Ryan: Looks like a potato peeler.
[Ryan clicks an icon on the screen]
Javier Esposito: Oh, that is nasty.
Richard Castle: [entering, glancing at the screen] And illegal in twelve states.

Kevin Ryan: [still looking at the bondage website] How do you even get in that position?
Javier Esposito: I don't know, but you should try that with your girlfriend, honey milk. As a matter of fact, I'm going to buy this for you right now.
Richard Castle: [walking over to look] Oh, jeez! How do you even get in that position?
Kevin Ryan: Right? It's not even possible.
Kate Beckett: [glancing at the screen] Oh, it's possible.

Kevin Ryan: [ending a phone call] So, that was Barry from the Love Shackle. He says the cuff might be theirs, but he'd have to examine them closely to know for sure.
Kate Beckett: Well, then have Evidence pull them and tell them I'm coming.
Richard Castle: [as Beckett leaves] Oh, field trip trip to a sex store.
[whispering to Ryan and Espositio]
Richard Castle: I love this case.

Kevin Ryan: Hey. We tried to trace the creepy calls that Jessica was getting at her office, but since they were routed through the main switchboard at the college, there's no way to determine their source.
Kate Beckett: What about the cell phone?
Javier Esposito: The day she died, she placed a call to her boyfriend at the hospital, she placed a call to her voicemail at the office, and she placed two calls to Lady Irena's House of Pain.
Kate Beckett: Lady Irena's House of Pain. That must be where Mistress Venom works. Did you get an address?
Javier Esposito: Yeah. An office building on 38th.
Kevin Ryan: Oh, conveniently located for all your lunchtime spanking needs.
Kate Beckett: All right, you guys look through her notes, see if there's anything that's there that might implicate one of her clients. Meanwhile, Castle and I will go and meet this Mistress Venom.
Richard Castle: Whips, women, and murder. Sounds like my lucky day!


"Castle: Scared to Death (#5.17)" (2013)
Richard Castle: Legend tells of a mysterious video that can harness the forces of evil from the beyond. The disc is a harbinger of grave misfortune, marking its watchers to certain and unavoidable death. I saw it, just like Val did. That's why she said "it's coming for me". That's how she knew when she was going to die. Why she was trying to ward off spirits. Because of the message on that disc.
Javier Esposito: How's a DVD going to kill you? Is it going to come at you like a ninja star? Cut your head off?
Richard Castle: [Exasperated] The actual DVD will not kill me, Esposito. It will be the spirit inside the DVD. Just like in The Ring.
Kevin Ryan: Ooh, ooh, the one with the creepy, waterlogged little girl that crawls out of the TV. I didn't sleep for days after that movie.

Kevin Ryan: Finding who sent this disc should make Castle feel a whole lot better.
Javier Esposito: Yeah. But what if the worst happens and Castle's right? Do you think he put me in his will?
Kevin Ryan: Dude. Uncool.
Javier Esposito: What? I'm just wondering. I mean, Castle's death will be sad and all, but his Ferrari sure would lessen my grief.
Kevin Ryan: You do realize that even putting that out in the universe is bad karma.

Kevin Ryan: The box was last rented by an Andrew Levine who died of liver failure three months ago. Somehow I don't think he's connected to this case.
Kate Beckett: So the killer covered his tracks. He must have written a random PO Box on the packaging slip.
Kevin Ryan: Or...
Kate Beckett: No. Ryan! There is no or.
Kevin Ryan: I'm just saying, maybe the reason we can't trace the package's origins is because it was sent from another realm.
Javier Esposito: Ryan is right. It was sent from another realm. New Jersey.

Richard Castle: Maybe we should make a copy of the DVD and send it to someone else. That's how they saved people in The Ring.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, but all those people that got a copy died.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, and you'd just be passing the buck off to someone else. That's cold, bro.
Richard Castle: Okay, does anyone have a better solution? Because we need one. If not for me, at least for Beckett.
Kate Beckett: Aw, Castle, that's so sweet. You want me to outlive you?
Richard Castle: Of course. Who else is going to tell my tale of sacrifice and selflessness?

Kate Beckett: Okay, so both of our victims stayed at that inn at the same time. So... maybe they were having an affair.
Kevin Ryan: In 2008 Val would have been... 24. Jason would have been 66 and an affair would have been...
Richard Castle: Gross.
Kevin Ryan: I was going to say unlikely.


"Castle: The Wild Rover (#5.18)" (2013)
Special Agent Sam Walker: [V.O] You've been out of it a long time, Detective. There's a new hierarchy. And you're going to have to win them over, fast. Seven years since you've been Fenton. It's not enough to act like him. You must become him.
Kevin Ryan: I am Fenton O'Connell.
Special Agent Sam Walker: [V.O] If you're not convincing, you're dead.
Kevin Ryan: I am Fenton O'Connell.

[being led out of the precinct, Siobhan spots Ryan]
Siobhan O'Doul: Fenton?
Kevin Ryan: Siobhan?
Siobhan O'Doul: Fenton!
[Siobhan runs up to Ryan and, in front of Jenny, kisses him full on the mouth]
Jenny Ryan: Hey! What the hell are you doing? That's my husband!
Siobhan O'Doul: You're married?
[Siobhan slaps Ryan]
Richard Castle: Whoa, lady, you can't slap a cop.
Siobhan O'Doul: You're a cop?
[Siobhan slaps him the other way; patrol cops carry her away]
Siobhan O'Doul: You liar! You son of a bitch! How could you? Get off of me! Let go!
[as things settle down, Jenny looks her question at Ryan]
Kevin Ryan: [awkward pause] I can explain.

Kevin Ryan: [entering Bobby's bar, in character] What? This is the welcome I get? Huh? None of you Irish bastards missed me, huh?
Siobhan O'Doul: Fenton? Fenton O'Connell!
Kevin Ryan: Hey, Siobhan.
[as he approaches Siobhan, another woman walks up to him and slugs him, to a chorus of laughter from the patrons]
Kevin Ryan: Nice to see you, too, Maggie.
Maggie Finch: What'd you expect, a parade? After what you did to Siobhan?
[Maggie tries to punch him again, but Ryan catches her fist]
Kevin Ryan: Uh-uh. One shot's all you get.

Robert 'Bobby S.' Shannon: So, should I welcome home the prodigal son, or should I have Liam put a bullet in the back of your head?
Liam Finch: [aiming his gun at Ryan] Oh, just say the word, Bobby.
[Ryan disarms Liam, puts the gun in Bobby's hand, and points the barrel at his own forehead]
Kevin Ryan: You think I'm some kind of rat? That I'm a man without honor? Then you pull the trigger.
[Ryan cocks the hammer]
Kevin Ryan: You doubt me, Bobby? You do it yourself.
[after a tense moment, Bobby lowers the gun and laughs]
Robert 'Bobby S.' Shannon: Fenton's back. Welcome home.

Kevin Ryan: My name's not Fenton. It's Kevin Ryan, and I'm a cop.
Robert 'Bobby S.' Shannon: What? Cop?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah. And I'm placing the three of you under arrest.
Robert 'Bobby S.' Shannon: Well, that would be a hell of a trick, considering Liam's about to shoot you and your girlfriend.
Kevin Ryan: Wait a second, Liam. Before you do that, let me ask you a question. Where's your cell phone, huh?
Liam Finch: What?
Kevin Ryan: Remember when we tussled back in the hall? Yeah, I picked your pocket. And then when you weren't looking, I dialed my partner and left the line open.
Liam Finch: No way.
Kevin Ryan: He heard exactly where we were going.
Robert 'Bobby S.' Shannon: Liam?
Liam Finch: He's full of crap, Bobby. He's bluffing.
Kevin Ryan: Oh, am I? Why don't we meet my partner, huh? Yo, Javi, where you at?
[nothing happens; after a moment, Esposito approaches with his shotgun drawn]
Javier Esposito: Right here, bro.
[Bobby, Liam, and Bobby's thug all draw their guns]
Kevin Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, he is former Special Forces. You do not want to draw on him. Want to meet the rest of my crew? Hey, Beckett!
Kate Beckett: [approaching from behind Bobby] You called, Ryan?
Kevin Ryan: Don't let the looks fool you, boys. You don't want to mess with her, either. Castle!
Richard Castle: [stepping out from his hiding place] Seriously? I didn't... I didn't bring my vest.
Kevin Ryan: [as patrol cars approach] Drop your weapons. Now.


"Castle: Need to Know (#6.3)" (2013)
Richard Castle: A washed up sitcom star hanging from a hook? Does it get any better?
Kevin Ryan: I grew up watching this show. Charlie Reynolds is highly underrated as an actor. "2 Cool For School" is a timeless gem.
Javier Esposito: Uh, I seriously doubt that.
[Beat]
Javier Esposito: Not that I ever watched it.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Mr. Castle! You're back. But not by popular demand.
Richard Castle: Nice to see you too, Perlmutter.
Kevin Ryan: Do you have a time of death for us?
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Uh, between 7PM and 2AM. The cause is obvious. He plummeted off the roof and landed on the hook.
Javier Esposito: Possible suicide.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Based on the crane's distance from the building and signs of struggle on the roof, he was pushed.

Richard Castle: [Watching Beckett and McCord] Maybe we should go over there and invite them in for some coffee, you know?
Javier Esposito: We are not serving them coffee. You bought the espresso machine for the NYPD. This is NYPD coffee only.
Richard Castle: C'mon, guys. That's a little harsh.
Kevin Ryan: Harsh? Beckett's a Judas. Her and her partner just hijacked out case.
[Suspicious]
Kevin Ryan: Whose side are you on?
Richard Castle: Your side. Guys, I'm - I'm on your side.
Javier Esposito: Hey Ryan, isn't it a little weird Castle shows up the same day that Agent Beckett takes over?
Kevin Ryan: Yes, it's quite a coincidence.
[They corner Castle]
Richard Castle: No, that's not a coincidence, that's - yeah, well. No, actually yes, it is a coincidence.
Javier Esposito: Maybe you and Beckett are in on this together. Maybe you are her inside man. You are Judas's Judas.

Javier Esposito: If we knew the feds' angle, we'd have a leg up on solving this.
Richard Castle: Sorry, guys, I've yet to come up with a crazy, genius theory yet.
[Castle notices Ryan and Esposito have stopped walking]
Kevin Ryan: You don't need to. Not when you can go directly to the source.
Javier Esposito: Get Beckett to give us the lowdown.
Richard Castle: Okay, wait a minute...
Kevin Ryan: We get much-needed case information, you get to clear up any... lingering doubts about your loyalty. Everybody wins.
Richard Castle: Okay, guys, no, I can't do that, all right? After D.C., we promised that we wouldn't...
Javier Esposito: We did you a solid getting you on this case, Castle. It's time to pay up.
Richard Castle: Guys, this is my fiancee, okay? What does it say about our future if I keep pushing the boundaries?
Kevin Ryan: Castle, your whole relationship is built on a foundation of your boundary pushing.
Richard Castle: [reluctantly giving in] Good point.

Kevin Ryan: I can't believe Charlie was spying on Anton Renkov and his organization. Any of them look familiar?
Javier Esposito: Yeah. I saw about three of those Russians on the movie set.
Kevin Ryan: Mm-hmm.
Grant 'Sully' Sullivan: And according to Interpol, all of them got criminal records back in the motherland. Assault, murder, all kinds of bad stuff.
Kevin Ryan: I bet one of them found out that Charlie was a spy and they killed him.
Kate Beckett: [approaching] Especially since we know that Carlie was followed to the warehouse.
Kevin Ryan: Based on what?
Kate Beckett: We tracked Charlie's movements by triangulating the cell towers that his phone pinged off. And then we used that time stamp to pull satellite footage of the warehouse. How'd you guys get there?
Javier Esposito: [brightly] Chicken poop.
Kate Beckett: Oh. Well, whatever works.


"Castle: Always Buy Retail (#1.6)" (2009)
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [Castle after mentioning having sex with his ex-wife and comparing her moving back to New York to] A deep-fried Twinkie?
Richard Castle: Yeah, the guilty pleasure that you know is bad for you, so you only do it once, maybe twice a year for the novelty. But the deep-fried Twinkie everyday is...
[Beckett stops him from continuing]
Kate Beckett: Castle!

[the detectives and Castle are looking at a corpse whose body was evidently prepared according to some ritual]
Richard Castle: It's Vodou.
Javier Esposito: Vodou? What is that? Some kind of Star Trek thing?
[He grins mockingly]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: No, dude, it's a religion. Practiced primarily in West Africa.
[When the others look at him]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: What? I read, too!
Richard Castle: The, uh, blood on the bone? Most likely animal. Part of the ceremony. The pouch is an offering to the spirits; but I don't recognize this symbol.
Javier Esposito: If you did, you'd be a suspect. So how do you know about all this?
Richard Castle: Research for my sixth Derek Storm novel.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Unholy Storm.
Richard Castle: Yes. Thank you. And, uh, Vodou's not just limited to West Africa. It's also practiced by Haitian and Dominican communities right here in New York.

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Why would a guy mark his own stall with the death symbol?
Richard Castle: He wouldn't. This symbol was meant for him. Charles Oni's been marked for death.

[while on the phone with Meredith, Castle saw the murder suspect drive by in his car]
Kate Beckett: What do you mean you didn't get the plate?
Richard Castle: Uh... there was a... it was coming...
Javier Esposito: What kind of car was it?
Richard Castle: Uh, it was big. It was an SUV, I think.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: You think? What about the color?
Richard Castle: Uh, black. Dark blue. Uh... it's very hard being a witness. I don't know how you guys ever get a conviction.


"Castle: Number One Fan (#6.4)" (2013)
Lanie Parish: Girl, what are you doing here?
Kate Beckett: Uh... Captain Gates said that I could come.
Lanie Parish: That's not what I meant. Shouldn't you be off looking at wedding venues or something?
Kate Beckett: No, we haven't even set a date. We're just trying to enjoy our engagement. Why is everyone trying to rush us?
Kevin Ryan: Think you're being rushed now, wait until after the wedding. Not ten minutes from the alter they'll all be like, 'when are you two having a baby?'.
Javier Esposito: Bro, your wife's hormonal because she's pregnant. What's your excuse?

Kevin Ryan: She shot you in the chest and you still think she's innocent?
Richard Castle: No. She shot me in the chest and now I know she's innocent.

Richard Castle: [fondly looking at his Kevlar vest] Wow. And to think you boys mocked me when I had this made four years ago. I think I'll have it framed.
Kevin Ryan: Hey, what does it say about your writing when your number one fan tries to kill you?
Richard Castle: That was an accident.
Javier Esposito: Been one inch higher, it would've been a tragedy.
Richard Castle: But on the bright side, your autographed copies of "Deadly Heat" would be worth way more.
Kate Beckett: [approaching] Not funny, Castle.
Richard Castle: Little bit funny.

Javier Esposito: You know, Beckett, despite your fiancé's near death, today was fun.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah. We miss working with you.
Kate Beckett: Good.
[Beckett smiles and holds up her badge]
Kate Beckett: 'Cause I'm back.


"Castle: The Blue Butterfly (#4.14)" (2012)
Luella McManus: Stan's dead? Well that's just great, what am I supposed to do with all his crap?
Kevin Ryan: We'll be taking... some of it off your hands as part of our investigation.

Kevin Ryan: When was the last time you saw him?
Luella McManus: Oh, this morning. Stan was all smiles: gave notice he was moving out 'cause his ship was comin' in.
Kevin Ryan: What ship?
Luella McManus: Oh, I dunno, the Titanic from the looks of things.
Javier Esposito: [Handing McManus a business card] Well if you can remember anything else can you give me a call?
Luella McManus: [Turns and leaves without taking the card] Don't hold your breath, hot shot.
Kevin Ryan: [to Esposito] I think she likes you.

Kevin Ryan: The boss wants to see you boyo.

[believing the current murder is connected to a murder from the '40s, Castle is reading an old witness statement]
Kevin Ryan: What happens next?
Richard Castle: I don't know. That's the end of the statement.
Kevin Ryan: But if Sally wasn't Vera's sister, then who was she?
Richard Castle: [excited] I don't know.
Kevin Ryan: What was Sally up to?
Richard Castle: [even more excited] I don't know.
Kevin Ryan: Do you think she was connected to Dempsey?
Richard Castle: [even more excited] I don't know. Isn't this great?


"Castle: Probable Cause (#5.5)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: Tech just finished with Castle's computer. Parts of it had been wiped, just like Tessa's.
Kate Beckett: Were they able to recover anything?
Javier Esposito: They found a file that he had deleted. It was a story concept about how to commit the perfect murder.
Kevin Ryan: Beckett, the character gets away with it by staging a crime scene so bizarre the cops can't see he's hiding right under their noses.
Javier Esposito: It was like a dry run on paper, all the way down to the weird symbol we found on the victim's forehead.
Kevin Ryan: They found something else on his drive. E-mails. Dozens of them. Between Castle and the victim.
Javier Esposito: Beckett... they had been having an affair.

Javier Esposito: I've spent some time in Central. I've seen the Tombs. The way they stack bodies in those cells, if there's a bounty on Castle's head, protective custody ain't gonna do jack.
Kevin Ryan: That's assuming Tyson paid off a prisoner. It could be a guard.
Kate Beckett: So we can't protect him. Not there. We have to stop that transfer. We need evidence that 3XK was involved.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, but we've got nothing to go on.
Kate Beckett: Okay, to pull this off, he needed access to Castle's loft. So get teams over there and tear that place apart. Find me a fingerprint, a hidden microphone, a broken window jamb, anything that puts him there.
Kevin Ryan: Tessa was seeing someone. If it wasn't Castle...
Kate Beckett: Then maybe it was Tyson. Hit her office. Look for files, schedules, client lists. There's got to be something that ties back to him.

Kate Beckett: I'm telling you, it's the Triple Killer. Strangulation, misdirection, planting evidence. It's Tyson's M.O.
Captain Victoria Gates: 3XK targeted multiple victims. All women, never men. So why the change?
Kate Beckett: Revenge. That's the only thing that explains everything.
Captain Victoria Gates: No, not everything. Not that video of Castle.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, actually, it might.
Kevin Ryan: Tyson did something similar in the Russo case. Used a double for the cameras to throw us off.
Kate Beckett: Sir, the DA's already filed charges. They're gonna send him to Central Booking today. We know that we can prove this, we just need more time.

Kate Beckett: What about her e-mails?
Kevin Ryan: Nothing from her mystery lover, so I had them take a look at her hard drive. Turns out portions of it have been surgically wiped, like someone covering their tracks.
Richard Castle: So we're back to square one.
Kate Beckett: Not necessarily. Tessa's roommate said that he gave her some jewelry. Maybe he left a fingerprint on one of those pieces.
Kevin Ryan: I'll head to her place, see what I can find out.
Richard Castle: [Ryan leaves] Jewelry. I never would have thought of that.
Kate Beckett: Well, I guess I'll have to remind you when my birthday's coming up.
Richard Castle: Why, Detective Beckett, was that a hint you just dropped?
Kate Beckett: Why, Mr. Castle, I do believe it was.
Richard Castle: Shameless.


"Castle: Driven (#7.1)" (2014)
Kate Beckett: [at the scene of Castle's car crash] It's empty. He's not here! He's not in the car!
Javier Esposito: You sure he's not in the car?
Kate Beckett: Even with a fire that hot, there'd still be a body. He's got to be nearby.
Martha Rodgers: You really think he...
Kate Beckett: He's here. He has to be. We have to start a search.
Kevin Ryan: We could use more men.
Kate Beckett: [running over to a patrol cop] Sergeant! I'm Detective Beckett, NYPD. The man that was in that car is one of our own. We need to scrub every inch of this area.
Sgt. Taggert: I'll get my men on it.
Kevin Ryan: You have search and rescue dogs?
Sgt. Taggert: I'll call them in.

Kate Beckett: What?
Kevin Ryan: I had Taggert set up roadblocks to stop and search every vehicle.
Javier Esposito: We figured that the car that ran Castle into the ditch may be the same car he's in now.
Kate Beckett: Okay, we get a description?
Javier Esposito: Not yet, but CSU thinks the side-marker glass up ahead came from a GM. Local PD is canvassing to see if anyone saw any vehicles leaving the area.
Kate Beckett: What about Castle's cell phone?
Javier Esposito: His provider says it's shut off.
Kevin Ryan: Contacted the FBI to see it could be turned on remotely. It's a long shot, but you never know.
Kate Beckett: What else?
Javier Esposito: Kate, everything that can be done is being done.
Kate Beckett: Espo, don't tell me that. They took him. I need to do something.

Tory Ellis: Based on what Cardano said, this is the drop point.
Javier Esposito: Now, what are we looking at here? This is not street cam footage.
Tory Ellis: There's no coverage in the area, but after a rash of break-ins, one of the buildings installed hidden cameras, and I was able to tap in. This is in the time window of when the drop should've taken place.
Kevin Ryan: If we get eyes on Cardano's client, we can get a real lead on who took Castle.
Kate Beckett: [seeing something] There. Go back.
[Tory rewinds the tape]
Kevin Ryan: That's him. That's the client dropping off the cash.
Javier Esposito: I'll set up a canvass. Someone had to see where this guy came from or where he went.
[dialing the phone]
Javier Esposito: Yeah, this is Esposito. Connect me with Operations.
Kate Beckett: Wait. Freeze that. Zoom in.
[Tory stops the tape and zooms in; when the picture is cleaned up, Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito recognize a familiar face]
Kevin Ryan: Can't be.
Javier Esposito: It is. That's Castle. He's the one who dropped off the cash?

Javier Esposito: [Castle has been found] He was found adrift eighty miles off the coast of Delaware by a Coast Guard cutter that was out there mapping the currents.
Kevin Ryan: Captain recognized who he was and had him airlifted here.
Kate Beckett: What was he doing in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, especially in a dinghy with three bullet holes in it.
Kate Beckett: He was shot?
Javier Esposito: The captain says no, but the doctors here won't give us any updates on his condition.
Kate Beckett: Where are Martha and Alexis?
Javier Esposito: In a patrol car on their way here now.
Kate Beckett: Okay.
[Kate stops short when she sees Castle unconscious in his hospital bed]
Javier Esposito: Kate?
Kate Beckett: I'm fine. I just never thought I'd see him again.


"Castle: After the Storm (#5.1)" (2012)
[at Beckett's apartment, she and Castle hear a knock on the door; Castle assumes it's his mother]
Kate Beckett: Who is it?
Kevin Ryan: Beckett, it's Ryan.
Richard Castle: [relieved] Oh.
Kate Beckett: Hide. Quick, in the closet over there.
Richard Castle: Yeah, I'm not getting in there.
Kate Beckett: Why? I hid in your closet, why can't you hide in mine?
Richard Castle: Why should I?
Kate Beckett: Because...
Kevin Ryan: Beckett, is everything okay?
Kate Beckett: Fine!
[turning back to Castle]
Kate Beckett: Okay, maybe I'm not ready for anyone to know yet. Right now.
Richard Castle: Come on, how's he gonna know?
Kate Beckett: You're here, just like I was there.
Richard Castle: Yes. Yes, the difference being I have my pants on. Or are you embarrassed to be seen with me?
Kate Beckett: Okay, fine. Just act normal. If that's even possible for you.
Richard Castle: It's me.

Kevin Ryan: Do you remember when we were checking banking accounts for the dirty bomb investigation? We used the federal banking database.
Javier Esposito: And I still remember the password.
[a few moments later]
Javier Esposito: I'm not sure they even track accounts going back this far.
Kate Beckett: Whoever owns that account is the person that killed my mom. Run it.
Javier Esposito: [reading the result] The account was closed nineteen years ago. It belonged to a guy named William H. Bracken.
Kate Beckett: [recognizing the name, picking up a re-election flier from the table] You mean Senator William Bracken?

[fearing she's going to do something drastic, Castle, Ryan, and Esposito have followed Beckett to Senator Bracken's fundraiser]
Javier Esposito: Who you calling? Gates?
Kevin Ryan: Um...
Javier Esposito: Put that phone away or I'm gonna break your frigging arm.
Kevin Ryan: Javi, we can't let her throw her life away.
Richard Castle: We don't know she's doing that.
Kevin Ryan: What do you mean? You're the one who said she was gonna kill the guy.
Richard Castle: Hey, I know. Okay, yes, that's right, but... but she hasn't done that yet, right? Look, you make that call, you're labeling her an assassin. That's a bell you can't unring. So let's not make that call, not yet.

Kevin Ryan: I know what this case has done to you. I'm not asking you to jump back in. I just want to show you something, that's all.
[Ryan places a photograph from the Montgomerys' wedding on the table]
Kevin Ryan: We found a copy of the photo Maddox took from the wedding album. You're familiar with the guys that Roy ran with back in the day. Is he one of them?
Kate Beckett: I've never seen him before.
Richard Castle: I have.
[Castle picks up the photograph]
Richard Castle: This is the man I told you about. The one who's been keeping you safe.
Kate Beckett: Are you sure?
Richard Castle: He's older now, but it's definitely him.
Kevin Ryan: Wh... what are we talking about here?
Richard Castle: Whatever information Montgomery gave to him, he's been using it to protect you. But now they've sent Maddox to hunt him down and get it back. If we don't get to him before Maddox does, you'll never be safe again.


"Castle: The Human Factor (#5.23)" (2013)
Jared Stack: The facial recognition system is scanning footage over the last two hours from all the main departure points.
Javier Esposito: How accurate is this thin really?
Jared Stack: Well, if he passed in front of one of those cameras it'll spot him.
Kevin Ryan: Man, talk about Big Brother. There's got to be a way to beat the system though, right?
Jared Stack: Wear big sunglasses, let your bangs hang down over your forehead. It totally messes with the software.
Javier Esposito: What if you don't have bangs?
Jared Stack: Wear heavy makeup. Paint random colored shapes all over your face.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, I'm not doing that.

Kevin Ryan: So, um, CSU sent this over. Based on what little they had, they were able to piece together where the explosion originated.
Richard Castle: I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say the explosion originated in the car.

Kate Beckett: What's your name?
Jared Stack: Does it matter? It's not like we're gonna get to know each other.
Kate Beckett: Who had Dale Tanner killed? Were you a part of it? Or was your job just to clean up the mess?
Jared Stack: You're tenacious. I respect that.
Kate Beckett: Was Omar Dixon part of the mess?
Jared Stack: He went into hiding. By the way, how did you manage to draw him out?
Kate Beckett: I'll be asking the questions.
Jared Stack: You just won't be getting the answers.
Kate Beckett: We'll see. I can keep you for twenty-four hours, and I fully intend to do so.
Jared Stack: You have me for five more seconds. Use them well.
[Beckett doesn't respond; five seconds later, there is a knock on the door]
Kevin Ryan: Beckett? You've got a phone call.
Jared Stack: Time's up.

Kevin Ryan: Look, Sean, I know that law enforcement hasn't always been on your guys' side.
Sean Tanner: Try never.
Kevin Ryan: But we're not the feds, Sean. We're the guys trying to solve your dad's murder. And no matter what you think, we're not gonna stop until that job is done.


"Castle: Law & Boarder (#6.21)" (2014)
[after arguing over who deserves to be Castle's best man, Ryan and Esposito are disappointed to learn he already asked Alexis]
Kevin Ryan: I didn't see that coming.
Javier Esposito: I can't believe I gave him my pen.
Kevin Ryan: I can't believe I shared a family secret recipe.
Javier Esposito: I can't believe we just got beat by a girl.
Kevin Ryan: Let's never speak of this again.
Javier Esposito: Speak of what?

Kevin Ryan: The reality of it is, is that Castle is friends with famous people, like James Patterson and Stephen King.
Javier Esposito: Who? Come on, man. You really think Castle wants one of those guys standing beside him when he ties the knot?
Kevin Ryan: You know, maybe you're right. Castle has spent practically every day in the precinct for the past few years. Why wouldn't he ask one of us to be his best man?
Javier Esposito: Why wouldn't he pick me to be his best man is what you mean.
Kevin Ryan: Oh, Javi, I'm the obvious choice. If you can't see it, I can't explain it to you.

Javier Esposito: Hey, man. I've been thinking. You know, Castle likes us both too much to have to make the pick for best man, so we should make the decision for him.
Kevin Ryan: Um... it's his wedding. How do you propose we decide for him?
Javier Esposito: Well, one of us is gonna have to drop out. And by "one of us", I mean you.
Kevin Ryan: Me? Why should it be me?
Javier Esposito: [derisive snort] Because... you think Richard Castle wants you planning his bachelor party? Come on, bro.
Kevin Ryan: Oh, Esposito, see, being a best man is a lot more than just preparing the bachelor party. I'm a family man. I represent a high moral standing.
Javier Esposito: Oh, please.
Kevin Ryan: And I photograph better than you.
Javier Esposito: What?
[warningly]
Javier Esposito: Let me tell you something. You're going down. And just remember that I gave you an opportunity to bow out gracefully. You hear me?
Kevin Ryan: [skeptically] Okay.
Javier Esposito: [pleasantly, as Castle and Beckett approach] Castle! Hey, buddy, how's it going?
Richard Castle: Don't ask.
Javier Esposito: Well, as your close friend, now I have to ask.
Kevin Ryan: Did she beat you at Scrabble again?
Richard Castle: [avoiding the question] Can we just talk about the case, please?


"Castle: Knockdown (#3.13)" (2011)
Captain Roy Montgomery: [after Beckett compromises her objectivity] As of this moment, you two are running point on Raglan's homicide.
Javier Esposito: Uh... Captain, my partner and I don't wish to be insubordinate.
Kevin Ryan: But we respectfully decline the assignment.
Captain Roy Montgomery: What does it say on my badge?
Javier Esposito: "Captain".
Captain Roy Montgomery: Now read the fine print. It says get your ass out there and solve Raglan's murder, before I bust you both back down to Traffic.
Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan: Yes, sir.
Captain Roy Montgomery: You want to help her? Find that shooter. Solve the damn case.

Kathy Moore: So the guy that touched my arm was a murderer? Figures... why do I attract all the creeps? I dated this one guy Craig for like two months, and I thought like he was the one. And I called him up one night and his roommate answered the phone and told me that Craig had died. And I was like devastated. And me and his roommate scattered his ashes throughout Central Park, the whole thing, and I worked through the stages of grief with my life coach - and a lot of random guys - and I was getting into acceptance when I ran into Craig at a bar. He had faked his own death.
Kevin Ryan: Unbelievable.
Kathy Moore: I know Ryan, all he had to do was say that he didn't want us to date anymore. It's not like I'm some psycho.

Hal Lockwood: I want to congratulate you both. I don't know how you found my place. But I've been doing this kind of work for a while now, and no one's ever come that close to me. My problem is that your investigation has gone further than I expected. And now, in order to me to finish my job, I need to know exactly what you know about me and my employer. Now, I've got a lot of respect for you guys. What? I do. Now, I'm gonna make you a deal. You tell me what I need to know, one pro to another, and I will put a bullet in your brain. You don't, you jerk me around, and you will be begging me to before this night is up.
[Ryan and Esposito look at each other]
Javier Esposito: I'm gonna have to go with option "B".
Kevin Ryan: Oh, yeah. We're definitely gonna jerk you around.


"Castle: Secret Santa (#5.9)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: We're putting up the tree the other day, sand Jenny says to me, "It just doesn't feel like Christmas without kids. She wants to try. But I come to work. I watch the news everyday. It seems like the world's falling apart. How am I supposed to bring a kid into that?
Javier Esposito: The world's always falling apart, bro. Since the beginning of time. But having kids, making a family, that's what keeps it together.

Captain Victoria Gates: There's a Manhattan flight carter which doesn't require you to radio in if you stay under 1300 feet. My mother-in-law is a licensed pilot, as she keeps reminding me. Part of a larger effort to make me feel inferior. I'm sorry, did I just say that out loud?
Kevin Ryan: Sounds like she's... staying with you, Captain?
Captain Victoria Gates: One day soon your in-laws will visit too, and when they do, think hotel.
[She walks away]
Captain Victoria Gates: Oh Lord, I hate the holidays.
Richard Castle: Yet another quality she has in common with the Grinch.

Captain Victoria Gates: Remember that class-action suit against SunCove Funding?
Kate Beckett: Yeah.
Captain Victoria Gates: My contact at the SEC dug these up. SunCove's original articles of incorporation, showing the name of the account signatory. Look familiar?
Kate Beckett: James Edmund Smith. The victim.
Richard Castle: Santa is the shark who bilked those people out of their homes?
Captain Victoria Gates: He has more blood on his hands than that. Tim Cabot's father died in a car crash, fell asleep at the wheel working three jobs to pay his inflated mortgage, courtesy of Edmund Smith. That was Christmas Eve five years ago.
Kevin Ryan: The Christmas that Edmund walked out on his life.
Richard Castle: So... it's a tale of redemption. Edmund moves next door to the family whose lives he destroyed, dedicating his life to repairing theirs, never telling them who he really is.
Javier Esposito: But what if Tim found out?
Richard Castle: Then it's a very different tale.


"Castle: A Murder Is Forever (#6.8)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: She was like the dog whisperer for CEO's.
Javier Esposito: [Skeptical] You really buy that.
Kevin Ryan: Well, yeah. Skimmed through her book. Think there might be something to her theory. For instance, she said that in every relationship, there needs to be a masculine energy and a feminine energy. Even in ours.
Javier Esposito: Oh. Well. We know which one you are.
Kevin Ryan: I don't know about you, but I'm very comfortable in my masculinity.
Javier Esposito: You do realize you're wearing a sweater vest, right?

Kevin Ryan: I spoke to the guys in Robbery, and at the FBI. No one has reported a diamond like this stolen. Not just recently. Ever.
Captain Victoria Gates: Then where did it come from?
Kate Beckett: And if it was stolen then why haven't the owners reported it?
Richard Castle: What if it's because they couldn't afford to?
[He theorizes as the music builds dramatically]
Richard Castle: Because the diamond has some kind of sordid past. Perhaps it's like the Hope diamond. It's cursed. Or, maybe it's an occult gem of great power. Smuggled out of Nazi Germany shoved up somebody's...
Captain Victoria Gates: Thank you, Mr. Castle!

Kevin Ryan: [leading Caskett to the crime scene] Speaking of animal nature, you should see the inside of her car.
Kate Beckett: Oh, wow.
Kevin Ryan: It's been completely torn apart.
Lanie Parish: And from the spatter pattern, it looks like all of this was done after she was killed.
Richard Castle: So they killed her, then they killed her car.


"Castle: He's Dead, She's Dead (#3.2)" (2010)
Richard Castle: Did I hear you right? Our victim is Vivien Marchand, the psychic medium?
Kevin Ryan: You've heard of her?
Richard Castle: Yeah! She was very popular in certain Manhattan circles. As a matter of fact, she did a reading for me at a society party about eight years ago. It was pretty extraordinary.
Kate Beckett: Extraordinary?
Richard Castle: She got everything right. You know what? Come to think of it, she told me that a beautiful woman would one day move into my loft and stay with me forever. She neglected to mention it was my mother.

Kevin Ryan: [looking at their victim's business calendar] She's got a notation here for three p.m. yesterday. It just says "T.J."
Kate Beckett: And nothing else?
Kevin Ryan: Nope. Maybe T.J. was a ghost coming to visit. Mediums are the ones that can see ghosts, right, Castle?
Richard Castle: Yes. Psychics can tell the future, mediums can tell the future and talk to the dead.
Kate Beckett: That's like saying psychics are con artists, and mediums are con artists and charlatans. I mean, in the end, they're all just fakes.
Richard Castle: You sound pretty certain of yourself.
Kate Beckett: That's because when I started as a cop, I wasted a lot of time on clairvoyants calling tip lines with information that never lead to anything. I mean, I'm surprised you're so gullible.
Richard Castle: I'm not saying I can speak with the dead. I'm just willing to admit that there are people in this world who are more sensitive than me.
Kate Beckett: Now, that's not hard to believe.
Richard Castle: [realizing Beckett just insulted him] Walked right into that one.

Richard Castle: [as Beckett reads a note allegedly written by the victim] The psychic predicted her own murder!
Kate Beckett: Or the killer wrote this in order to throw us off. Run it. Maybe we'll get lucky with prints.
Kevin Ryan: [Beckett and Castle leave] Do you think she really...
Javier Esposito: [immediately and firmly] No.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, me neither.


"Castle: Tick, Tick, Tick... (#2.17)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: Castle just finished making breakfast and he went to the door...
Kevin Ryan: What kind of breakfast?
Kate Beckett: Um, I'm sorry?
Kevin Ryan: What kind of breakfast was he making?
Kate Beckett: Pancakes.
Kevin Ryan: Well isn't that domestic.
Kate Beckett: [annoyed] Anyway, the paper usually arrives at four and we were up at seven so that means the killer had a three hour window where he could have left the body there unnoticed.
Kevin Ryan: Uh-huh, and exactly what time did you and Mr. Castle go to bed last night?
Kate Beckett: I think we're done here.

Javier Esposito: Dude, I see Beckett in her jammies, wine glasses on the table...
Richard Castle: There's nothing going on with Beckett and me! No more than there was yesterday.
Kevin Ryan: Dude, you made her pancakes?
Richard Castle: It's just breakfast!
Javier Esposito: Pancakes is not just breakfast, it's an edible way of saying, 'Thank you SO much for last night.'
Kevin Ryan: Castle, come on, we're your friends- details.
Richard Castle: Okay, come here.
[the boys form a huddle]
Richard Castle: There are no details!
Javier Esposito: I can't even look at you right now.
Kevin Ryan: [writing on his notepad] Witness refuses to cooperate.

Kevin Ryan: Unis pulled this from a trash bin. Wallet's inside. Vic's name is Michelle Lewis.
Javier Esposito: According to her business card, she's a dog walker.
Kate Beckett: There's a print here, and it's too large to be our victim's. Let's get it to the lab for...
[Shaw snaps a photo of the purse]
Kate Beckett: What are you doing?
Special Agent Jordan Shaw: That print is already in the lab and being processed. No muss, no fuss, no black powder on your clothes.
Richard Castle: [in awed jealousy] Wow! There's an app for that?
Special Agent Jordan Shaw: That's why I joined the FBI, Mr. Castle. For the toys. Really eager to see that body.
Richard Castle: [as Shaw leaves] Can I take a look at that?
[Beckett stops him]
Richard Castle: Be a chance to check it later.


"Castle: For Better or Worse (#6.23)" (2014)
Kate Beckett: [handing Esposito and Ryan a stack of folders] Those are my case files. Ask your questions, because I will be pretty much unreachable for the next three weeks.
Kevin Ryan: [taking the folders and forcing them on Esposito] Okay. What are you most excited about, the wedding or the honeymoon?
Javier Esposito: Three weeks in the Maldives on a private island? What do you think?
[Esposito hands the folders back]
Kate Beckett: Actually, the only thing that I'm not excited about is having to say my vows in front of all those people.
Kevin Ryan: Well, you'll be fine. Just imagine your wedding guests are murder suspects.
Javier Esposito: In their underwear.
Kate Beckett: Or not.
Captain Victoria Gates: [coming out from her office] You know, I was so nervous before my wedding that I ran into a wall and got a black eye. You're supposed to be a wreck. You're about to experience one of the most important days of your life. I'm so happy for you, Detective.
Richard Castle: [entering] Hey, guys!
Captain Victoria Gates: In spite of who you're marrying.

Henry Browning: You were both over 18. Regardless of your seriousness or intent at the time, I'm afraid that your wedding at the Drive-Thru of Love was real, legal, and binding.
Kate Beckett: [gesturing to herself and Castle] Okay, we are getting married in three days.
Henry Browning: I'm afraid you can't. Not unless you terminate your first marriage.
Kate Beckett: We have three hundred people coming. Most of them are flying in. So what are we going to say to all of them?
Richard Castle: Henry, is there anything we can do to make this go away?
Henry Browning: It's possible, if there's mutual consent. I brought a dissolution of marriage contract, and I could expedite it through the city, but... you'll have to get Mr. O'Leary to sign it, too.
Kate Beckett: How? It's been fifteen years. I have no idea where he is.
Kevin Ryan: [cut to Ryan and Esposito at the precinct] Okay, looks like we found him. But man, is your husband a piece of work.
Kate Beckett: He's not my husband.
Richard Castle: Except legally, he is.
Kate Beckett: So, what do we know about him?
Javier Esposito: Well, your boy got around. He was charged with theft in Austin in '05. He did time for a DUI in Iowa in '07.
Kevin Ryan: He was arrested for fraud in Kentucky, and, uh... oh, this is a good one. He was put in jail for impersonating an FBI agent in New Orleans.
Richard Castle: I must say, given his record, I'm really surprised you stayed with him all these years.

Kevin Ryan: [getting fitted for their tuxedos, Ryan enters in a suit about three sizes too small] Um, Alexis? I haven't gained this much daddy weight.
Alexis Castle: That can't be right. I double checked the size ten times.
Javier Esposito: Hey, maybe you finally hit that growth spurt you've been waiting on, bro.


"Castle: Wrapped Up in Death (#2.19)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: Do you want to?
Javier Esposito: No, go ahead bro, you caught it.
Kevin Ryan: You sure?
Kate Beckett: You know, whenever you guys are done being cute.

Kate Beckett: So far, this case is nothing but dead ends.
Kevin Ryan: Mm. You know why?
Kate Beckett: Why?
Javier Esposito: Because... Castle's cursed.
Richard Castle: You had to tell them, did you?
Kate Beckett: Yes. Yes, I did.

Kate Beckett: [Castle believes he's been cursed; in the break room, the cappuccino machine is steaming] What happened?
Richard Castle: I don't know. I was... gonna make a coffee and the cappuccino machine started shaking, and just as I hit the deck, it exploded.
Kevin Ryan: You could have been killed.
Richard Castle: I know!
[Beckett, Ryan, and Esposito snicker, then burst into laughter]
Richard Castle: [realizing he's been pranked] Ohh... very... okay, very funny. Yes, you got me.
Javier Esposito: "Ooh, I'm Castle. I don't believe in curses."
Richard Castle: What, did you get bomb disposal to rig something up?
Kate Beckett: Yeah, it was all flash and no damage.
Richard Castle: And the chair?
Kate Beckett: I just pulled a couple of screws and let gravity do the rest.
[she high fives Ryan and Esposito]
Kate Beckett: Night, Castle.
Richard Castle: [the three of them leave, still laughing] I'm not cleaning this up!
[pause]
Richard Castle: I'd better clean this up.


"Castle: Nanny McDead (#1.2)" (2009)
Kevin Ryan: Mrs Rosenberg, 9E here, comes down to put her clothes in the dryer, finds it's occupied, comes down a half an hour later and she's had enough. Decides to take matters into her own hands.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: Come on, you're telling me an old lady killed someone over a busy dryer?
Kevin Ryan: What? No, she's just tired of waiting around. So, she opens up the drier to take the other person's clothes out. Finds Miss Fluff and Fold here instead.
Javier Esposito: If that's not a cautionary tale about poking around someone's laundry, I don't know what is.
Kevin Ryan: Dude, there is an etiquette involved. If the clothes were dry, Mrs Rosenberg had every right to put them in the basket.Now, if you're going to tell me that she folded them, then it gets a little creepy.
Javier Esposito: 'm sorry, but if someone starts rooting around in my underwear without an invitation, I'm taking it as a serious breach of hygiene.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: I thought you went commando, Esposito?
Javier Esposito: Well. It's a seasonal thing.

NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: Where are we on the boyfriend?
Javier Esposito: His story checks out. Video and a sign-in sheet.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: Great. So now all we have is a cheating husband with a possible alibi and no cell phone to run the perp's fingerprints.
Kevin Ryan: I got something better.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: [rolling her eyes at Castle] Please tell me it's that the mayor wants him out of here.
Richard Castle: You ever notice how she gets a little grumpy when she doesn't have a suspect?
Kevin Ryan: We got one now. Guess who wasn't where they say they were the day Sara Manning was killed?
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: [Ryan offers a Post-It note, but pulls it back when Beckett snatches for it] Who?
Kevin Ryan: Come on, you gotta guess.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: [snatching at the Post-It again] Ryan. Ryan. I'm not guessing.
Kevin Ryan: [handing the Post-It over] You're a killjoy, you know that?
Richard Castle: Exactly what I've been telling her.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: [reading the note] No way.
Kevin Ryan: Pretty good, huh? Told you you should have guessed.

Captain Roy Montgomery: Esposito and Ryan pulled security tape from an elevator in the rear entrance.
Kevin Ryan: Front door has a 24-hour doorman.
Javier Esposito: This is the elevator's cam. Our victim gets on the elevator with the laundry basket. Takes it down to the basement, to put the kid's laundry into the washer.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: Mm-hmm.
Javier Esposito: Few minutes later, gets back on, goes all the way back up to the apartment. Then about forty minutes later, rides the elevator back down to the basement again.
Kevin Ryan: We figured probably to take the kid's clothes out of the washer, put 'em in the dryer.
Captain Roy Montgomery: Camera never picks her up again.
Kevin Ryan: Only other person to ride the elevator down all the way to the basement during the next hour was the old lady who found the body.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: So whoever attacked her must have used the stairwell, otherwise the camera would have caught him.
Kevin Ryan: We got... three maintenance workers on duty that day. We'll run their names tonight.
Richard Castle: Why only run the workers' names? Why not run all the neighbors' names?
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: What are you basing that on?
Richard Castle: I'm basing that on... the neighbor would make a better story.
[the group snickers derisively]
Richard Castle: No, come on. What do any of us know about our neighbors in this city? You think the guy living next door to the Son of Sam knew he was living next door to the Son of Sam?


"Castle: The Fifth Bullet (#2.11)" (2009)
Richard Castle: I'm telling you, ice bullet.
Javier Esposito: Nah, bro. An ice bullet would still make a bullet hole.
Kevin Ryan: You mean ice hole.
Richard Castle: What'd you just call me?

Kevin Ryan: You mean ice bullet.

Kevin Ryan: [Reporting about the 5th bullet found embedded in the amnesiac's paperback] Ballistics confirms that the bullet came from the same gun as the others. Whatever happened in the gallery, he was there.
Kate Beckett: Not only was he there, but someone tried to kill him as well. Good thing he reads.
Kevin Ryan: Good thing he reads Russian literature. If the guy was a Nicholas Sparks fan, he'd be dead.


"Castle: The Squab and the Quail (#5.21)" (2013)
Richard Castle: Is that Eric Vaughn?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, yeah. He was part of the victim's dinner party. He's a billionaire inventor, right?
Richard Castle: Yeah. Inventor, innovator, and number 8 on my LSL.
Kevin Ryan: LSL?
Richard Castle: Last supper list. You and a table of 12 with anyone from history. What is mine, you ask? I'm glad you did. In order it is, Lincoln, Einstein, Ian Fleming, John Lennon, Joan of Arc, Sinatra
[Gets a look from Beckett]
Richard Castle: And you, of course.

Javier Esposito: Beckett's hanging with Vaughn? Hell yeah you should be worried. His hit list includes half of Maxim's Hot 100. Oh, and unlike you, his helicopter doesn't need a remote control.
Javier Esposito: Don't listen to him, Castle. Beckett's loyal to you. She's not going be seduced by his charms.
Richard Castle: [hopeful] Really?
Javier Esposito: So you'd let Jenny hang with him, then?
Kevin Ryan: Hell no. I wouldn't let Jenny near that guy.
Richard Castle: Thanks. Okay, but I'm not worried.
[gets looks]
Richard Castle: I'm not. I just - I can't believe the department is forcing her to hang out with some womanizing rich guy against her will.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah. Unbelievable.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, she's never done that before.

Richard Castle: [after an attempt on Vaughn's life, Ryan is taking Beckett's statement] So, he ate the wrong entrée and avoided being poisoned, and then he "stumbled" at just the right time to avoid being shot by an assassin through a window. Nobody's that lucky. What's going on here, Kate?
Kate Beckett: He kissed me, okay, Castle?
Richard Castle: He what?
Kevin Ryan: [awkwardly leaving] I think I have all I need here.


"Castle: Til Death Do Us Part (#4.11)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: Ms. Franklin, it - it seems that you weren't the only woman that Mr. Bailey was, uh... with in the hours prior to his death.
Holly Franklin: Um... what do you mean, "with"?
Kevin Ryan: Was there another woman in the hotel room with you?
Holly Franklin: I didn't think this could get any more humiliating.
Kevin Ryan: Was that a yes?
Holly Franklin: No, Detective!
Kevin Ryan: Thank you. Oh, and you should know that our ME has been able to determine that Mr. Bailey was, uh... wearing a condom both times, so that's...
Holly Franklin: [Sarcastic] That makes it all better.
[Ryan stands awkwardly for a bit before fleeing]
Holly Franklin: Now I wish I pushed him!

Richard Castle: She knew she was going to kill him, so she booked the room anonymously.
Kate Beckett: Yeah, but then why sleep with him? Why not just push him out the window?
Richard Castle: Because. She's a black widow.
[Starts speaking in a dramatic tone]
Richard Castle: Coldest hearted creature on Earth. She lures an unsuspecting male, takes him into her web, and then, the moment they culminate - as soon as he feels the ecstasy of achieving his biological destiny - she opens up her jaws and eats him alive.
[There's silence for a moment]
Kevin Ryan: I'm glad I'm in a healthy relationship.
Kate Beckett: Yeah.
Richard Castle: I bet male black widow spiders think they're in healthy relationships, too.

Javier Esposito: [to Ryan who's been on a dietary cleanse for several days] You should... eat something.
Kate Beckett: Yeah. You look hungry. You've got the posture of a feral cat.
Kevin Ryan: Guys, I made a sacred vow to the woman I love- Is that mu-shu pork?


"Castle: Hell Hath No Fury (#1.4)" (2009)
Kevin Ryan: You're telling me you've lived in New York your whole life and you've never scored a piece of roadkill?
Javier Esposito: "Roadkill"?
Kevin Ryan: It's an accepted practice, bro. You're done with your old stuff, you leave it on the street for those less fortunate. Artists, students, former hedge-fund managers... It's trickle-down economics at its finest.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, well, I prefer not to be trickled on.
Kevin Ryan: You know that red couch I have? The one you like so much?
Javier Esposito: Don't you say it, bro.
Kevin Ryan: Fifty-fourth and Lex.
Javier Esposito: That's gross. Gross. We are never playing Madden at your place again.

Kate Beckett: The 800 number is registered to a PO box from out of state. We're gonna have to get Cyber to track down the IP, see where it's hosted.
Richard Castle: Well, what if the IP's out of state, too?
Javier Esposito: We just coordinate with local PDs.
Kevin Ryan: If they're willing to cooperate.
Kate Beckett: Sites like these are designed to evade authorities. We'll get there. It'll just take us some time.
Richard Castle: [dialing his phone] Or you could just do it the easy way.
[the line picks up]
Kate Beckett: Castle, what are you doing?
Richard Castle: Hi! My name's Richard. I'm a very generous man looking to arrange a very special date with Tiffany.
[realizing what he's doing, Beckett chases after him to get him to hang up]
Richard Castle: Just give me a call on my phone, which is 347-555-0179. Thank you.
[he hangs up]
Kate Beckett: Castle, you can't just call and arrange a date with a prostitute.
Richard Castle: Why not?
Kate Beckett: Because we're the police.
Richard Castle: No, no, no, no. *You're* the police. I'm just a lonely upscale gentleman looking for a date.

Javier Esposito: [looking at the "VIP Liaisons" website] Damn! Those are some seriously fine five-star Class-B misdemeanors.
Kevin Ryan: Dude, between you and me, you ever pay for it?
Richard Castle: Are you counting my marriages?


"Castle: The Fast and the Furriest (#5.20)" (2013)
Javier Esposito: I may have an explanation for those facial wounds. Turns out our victim worked at a retirement home called Haven House.
Richard Castle: Vicious blood thirsty old folks? Is that your theory?
Javier Esposito: This home is not for people, Castle. It's a primate sanctuary. Mostly for apes and chimpanzees and monkeys who have retired from the movie business.
Kevin Ryan: I always wanted a pet monkey when I was a kid. Big Curious George fan.
Richard Castle: Yeah, wait 'til George grows up. An adult chimpanzee can reach 200 pounds, tear off a man's face, hands, and naughty bits.
Kate Beckett: All right, we're going to go to the primate sanctuary. If Anne was attacked there maybe someone dumped her body to cover it up. And call me if you get anything on that sedan.
Kevin Ryan: [Calls as they leave] George would never do that!

M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: [Ryan and Esposito enter the morgue] Ugh. The "B" team.
Javier Esposito: Talk about the "B" team.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: I had hoped to see Castle's look of dismay when I told him cause of death was nothing more exotic than blunt-force trauma to the cranium. It seems that she was clobbered over the head with a club or a pipe.
Javier Esposito: You could have said so over the phone.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Ah, but I also made two highly intriguing discoveries.
Kevin Ryan: About the wounds on her face?
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Well, their cause is still undetermined, but of far greater interest is the fact...
Kevin Ryan: Because it could be claw marks. Bigfoot has claws.
Javier Esposito: So does Wolverine. Is he real?
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Are you done?

Javier Esposito: [identifying the man the victim was seen arguing with] His name is Chase Diggins, and he's an Australian adventurer and big game hunter.
Kevin Ryan: Kind of Crocodile Dundee meets Indiana Jones meets Ted Nugent.


"Castle: Under the Influence (#5.11)" (2013)
Richard Castle: If he didn't kill Holly then who did?
Javier Esposito: The brains behind this operation, that's who. A kid like Joey goes from smash and grab to stealing a half a mil in jewelry? I don't think so. Someone put him up to this.
Kevin Ryan: No, it makes sense. Some savvy criminals use minors to do their dirty work.
Richard Castle: Of course. A Fagin to Joey's Oliver Twist.
Kevin Ryan: And if Holly's involved, that makes her the Artful Dodger. Or the Artful DJ.
Richard Castle: Ooh, nicely played.

Kevin Ryan: [Esposito walks into the precinct handcuffed to Joey] Okay... Care to explain?
Javier Esposito: What? The handcuffs?
Kevin Ryan: No, no, the stylish shoes that you're wearing. Yes, the handcuffs.
Javier Esposito: Well, junior here tried to pull a Houdini on me last night.
Joey Malone: Who the hell is Houdini?
Javier Esposito: Shut up.
Kevin Ryan: Out the window?
Javier Esposito: Yeah.
Kevin Ryan: Down the fire escape?
Javier Esposito: Yeah. And then onto a moving garbage truck. Then on a skateboard for five blocks, which took him all the way to the L train.
Kevin Ryan: How'd you keep up?
Joey Malone: He didn't.
Javier Esposito: Shut up.

Javier Esposito: Yo. Did you just do the hair thing?
Kevin Ryan: What hair thing?
Javier Esposito: [scoffs] Every time you're about to meet a celebrity or a pretty girl, you run your hand through your hair.
Kevin Ryan: TMZ said that Tyrese was at that party with Josie Lang. He's producing her new album.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, well, she's no Regina.
Kevin Ryan: I understand that the image of her as a Girl Scout is seared into your memory, but Josie is a real vocalist.
Javier Esposito: Whose fan base consists of twelve year old girls and you.


"Castle: Home Is Where the Heart Stops (#1.7)" (2009)
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Why do you writers always call them "perps"?
Richard Castle: Isn't that what you call them?
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Ah, we've got a whole lot of names for them. Pipehead, pisshead, orc, creep,
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Crook, knucklehead, chucklehead,
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Churd, turd,
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Destro, scall,
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Skexy, slicko, slick,
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Mope,
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Sleekstak.
Richard Castle: [scribbling in his notepad] Slow down, slow down!
Kate Beckett: Suspects. We call them suspects.
Captain Roy Montgomery: I'm old school. I like dirtbag.
Richard Castle: Classic.

NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: [Working security at the fundraiser] Man, these guys are guilty of tax evasion not home invasion.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Yeah, well
[sees Beckett in her formal dress]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Appearances can be deceiving.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [to Beckett] Nice dress.
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Yeah, what there is of it.
NYPD Detective Kate Beckett: I'd let you borrow it, Esposito, but you stretched out the last one.

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [sneezes]
Richard Castle: [and Beckett at the same time] Bless you!
Richard Castle: Jinx!
Kate Beckett: What's with him?
NYPD Detective Javier Esposito: Goose-down. He's allergic.
Richard Castle: I'm sorry, but under the time-honored rules of jinx, you're not allowed to speak until I release you.
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [sneezes]
Richard Castle: [and Beckett at the same time] Bless you!
Kate Beckett: Reverse double-jinx.
Richard Castle: But I...
Kate Beckett: Uh-uh Castle, mouth shut. Until I release you.


"Castle: Hong Kong Hustle (#7.17)" (2015)
Kate Beckett: If Henry left work at 2pm, showed up dead at midnight, he's unaccounted for for ten hours, so where was he during that time?
Javier Esposito: Well, he didn't own a car, so I'll check the activity on his metro and credit cards, see if he went anywhere.
Kevin Ryan: I'll circle back with his neighbors, see if they saw anything.
Kate Beckett: Okay. Call me if you guys find anything.
Richard Castle: [as Esposito and Ryan walk away] Whew! For a second there, I thought I was gonna get stuck doing thankless grunt work tonight.
Javier Esposito: [He and Ryan stop and turn around] Castle. We're standing right here.

Kevin Ryan: Lemme tell you a little something about life. You see what you did there, Castle. Rookie mistake.
Richard Castle: What'd I do?
Kevin Ryan: You tried to stop her. I mean, Jenny. She's got her girls nights. I'm totally fine with that. You see, in a marriage, you have to give your partner some space.
Richard Castle: [Totally serious and completely unaware of the irony] Okay. Ryan. Uh, this is my third marriage. I think I know what I'm doing.

Richard Castle: [Trying to reason with Beckett, who is jealous of Zhang] Look, you're idealizing Zhang. You're comparing yourself to a version of her that doesn't even exist. She is a human, like the rest of us. Flaws and all. Not some infallible super cop who swoops in every time to save the day.
Kevin Ryan: Hey. Zhang just got a lead that could crack this case.


"Castle: Cops & Robbers (#4.7)" (2011)
Kate Beckett: Esposito! There's a 10-30, New Amsterdam Bank and Trust on Lex. Call Dispatch.
Kevin Ryan: 10-30? Since when are we handling bank robbery calls?
Kate Beckett: Castle's there.

Javier Esposito: I don't get it. This is a little old retired librarian. What could possibly be in her safe deposit box that would be worth all this?
Kevin Ryan: Nazi gold, cold fusion, map to Atlantis.
Javier Esposito: Hey! Castle junior. Could you maybe start thinking like a cop, please?

Richard Castle: So he uses his military connections to hire that team of mercenaries in the bank. And then to avoid loose ends, Ron rigged the C-4 to blow early.
Javier Esposito: Talk about cold blooded.
Kate Beckett: And he did all of this just for the contents of Agnes' safety deposit box? Castle, you said that there were photos and letters in there, right?
Richard Castle: Yeah. Trapper John must have given them to Ron when he was being escorted back from the restroom. Because right after that, he faked a seizure and was let go.
Kate Beckett: But why? I mean, what was so special about his former mother-in-law's safety deposit box?
Richard Castle: Former mother-in-law?
Javier Esposito: Yeah, Ron was married to Agnes' daughter, Tanya. Both her and her son, Connor, were killed in a boating accident about a year ago.
Richard Castle: No, no, Ron spoke about Connor, and he did not speak about him like he was dead. Connor is still alive.
Javier Esposito: Well, I don't know what to tell you, Castle, it says right here Connor's dead.
Kevin Ryan: I'm not so sure about that. Turns out that neither his wife, Tanya, nor Connor's body was ever recovered.
Richard Castle: Why would the wife fake their deaths?
Kevin Ryan: Domestic abuse. However, Ron had the connections and the wealth to avoid prosecution.
Richard Castle: So the system failed her. She and Connor couldn't escape Ron's abuse, so she faked their deaths and disappeared.
Kate Beckett: Yeah, but to disappear, she had to walk away from her former life.
Richard Castle: Sever ties with everything and everyone she ever knew.
Kate Beckett: Except she couldn't, especially with her mom, Agnes.
Richard Castle: Which is what the safety deposit box was for. It's a means of communication. It's like a Cold War drop box in some John le Carré novel. Only Tanya wouldn't be able to risk making the drops. So who would make the drops for her?
Kevin Ryan: Our mystery man, who was posing as Agnes' dead husband. He was Tanya's middleman.
Kate Beckett: Okay, so Tanya sends the photos and the letters to the middleman. The middleman puts them in the safety deposit box for Agnes. The box serves as a mailbox.
Richard Castle: Only it's better than a mailbox 'cause it's locked up inside a bank.
Kevin Ryan: Ron must have suspected that they fake their deaths, and that's when he bugged Agnes' home.
Javier Esposito: And when Ron found out about the box, he killed Agnes for the key.
Richard Castle: Right, and with the clock ticking, he hired that crew to stage the bank robbery to get to the box with that key.
Kate Beckett: You know, those photos and letters will say exactly where his wife and son are hiding. He's on his way there now, and we know what he's gonna do once he gets there.
Richard Castle: He's gonna kidnap his son and kill his wife.


"Castle: Undead Again (#4.22)" (2012)
Richard Castle: Charlie has not been wrong yet. Maybe our killer is patient zero, other there right now on the streets of New York building an army of the undead.
Kate Beckett: Castle, what we are looking for is not a zombie but a very smart criminal who murdered David Locke and is now making our only witness look crazy. And he also dressed up in makeup and a costume to hide his identity.
[Gestures to photo]
Richard Castle: Unless that's not costume or makeup.
Kevin Ryan: I mean, he does look like a real zombie.
Javier Esposito: A real zombie? I'm embarrassed for you, bro.
Kate Beckett: Okay, then explain this. Why would a zombie go after a currency trader, at 4AM, in a garage?
Richard Castle: This one's easy. The more intelligent the victim, the more delicious the brains.

Kevin Ryan: [Escorting witnesses dressed as zombies out of the interrogation room] Alright, ladies, thanks for your help.
Javier Esposito: [Gesturing to one woman] Don't know about those shoes with that top. I'm just sayin'. I woulda went open toed.

Kevin Ryan: Castle, do you really believe in all this zombie stuff? Because I would swear on my nana's grave that Kyle Jennings was dead.
Richard Castle: No. You know what I do believe in? Driving Beckett crazy.


"Castle: Under Fire (#6.11)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: Can you believe it? Me as a dad.
Kate Beckett: No, Ryan, you're gonna be great.
Richard Castle: You guys pick a name?
Kevin Ryan: No, we couldn't agree on one, so we're waiting to see if it's a boy or girl and then decide.
Richard Castle: May I suggest... Cosmo?
Kevin Ryan: No, you may not. And rather than pick a name for my kid, you should pick a date for your wedding.
Richard Castle: Pick a date for my wedding? I was planning on bringing her.
Kate Beckett: [sarcastic] Really? When is that? I might have plans.

Kevin Ryan: This is Lieutenant Delia Burton. She's a fire investigator with FDNY. Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle.
Kate Beckett: Nice to meet you. So this was arson?
Lt. Delia Burton: Well, it's looking that way. I found miniscule traces of accelerant at the flashpoint.
Richard Castle: So the killer set the fire to cover up the murder?
Lt. Delia Burton: Except there's no accelerant on the body, and the fire's flashpoint is deep in the building. You know, normally when you're disposing of a body, you're gonna make sure it burns.
Kate Beckett: So maybe our victim surprised the arsonist.
Richard Castle: And the arsonist killed him, silencing him as a witness?
Lt. Delia Burton: That's how it looks to me. Then again, homicide's not my specialty.
Kate Beckett: No. Uh, but fire is. Would you mind keeping me in the loop in case you find anything else?
Lt. Delia Burton: Sure. As soon as I know what happened, so will you.
[the building creaks]
Richard Castle: Whoa. What was that?
Lt. Delia Burton: The building. You guys should probably go.
Richard Castle: [turning and hurrying away] Sounds good. See ya!
Kate Beckett: [embarrassed] I'm marrying him.

[unsure if the're going to escape a burning building, Ryan wants to name his child after Esposito]
Javier Esposito: "Javier"? You're gonna name a white Irish kid "Javier"?
Kevin Ryan: What? You're gonna bust on me now for being sentimental?
Javier Esposito: Figure it's my last chance.
[they share a laugh]
Kevin Ryan: No. No, no. We're getting out of here. There's a way out and we're gonna find it. I'm not leaving Jenny. I'm not leaving my baby without a dad.


"Castle: Deep in Death (#2.1)" (2009)
NYPD Captain Roy Montgomery: [after the morgue... mobile is hit by a car, Lanie the Medical Examiner is seeing if Castle is okay] Well?
Lanie Parish: [after flashing a light in Castle's eyes and pinching his ear] He'll live.
Kevin Ryan: What, no brain damage?
Lanie Parish: If he has some, it happened before tonight and it was probably self-inflicted.
Richard Castle: Ahh, good times.

Richard Castle: [a body is up in a tree] It's raining men.
Lanie Parish: Castle, what are you doing here?
Kate Beckett: Don't worry, we're still mad at him.
Kevin Ryan: [to Esposito] Guy in a tree, Mom and Dad bickering, seems like old times.

Kate Beckett: [at an underground poker game, Castle has asked for $20,000 in chips] No, no, no, no, no! What's he doing?
Kevin Ryan: Dropping half my yearly salary like it was pocket change.


"Castle: Murder He Wrote (#5.4)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: Hey, Castle. Yeah, I'm gonna put you on speakerphone so you can weigh in on this.
Richard Castle: [with Beckett] Weigh in on what?
Kevin Ryan: Well, we're in the morgue with Lanie trying to figure out who Beckett's new boyfriend is.
[Beckett looks at the phone, alarmed]
Lanie Parish: I have nothing to do with this nonsense.
Richard Castle: Yeah, until you're bagging their mangled bodies when Beckett finds out.
[Beckett smiles]
Javier Esposito: [scoffs] Pfft. Like we're afraid of Beckett.
Kevin Ryan: Besides, how's she gonna find out?
[Beckett grabs for the phone to chew them out, but Castle beats her to the punch]
Richard Castle: Anyway... I need your guys' help.

Aaron Lerner: Just last week, Franklin was complaining about a local.
Kevin Ryan: A local drug dealer?
Aaron Lerner: Yes! Seems he didn't appreciate us moving in on his business.
Kevin Ryan: Who? Give me a name.
Aaron Lerner: I don't know a name. But Franklin seemed really spooked.
Kevin Ryan: What else did he tell you about him?
Aaron Lerner: That's all I know. Everything else I told to Brady and his two consultants.
Kevin Ryan: Two consultants?
Aaron Lerner: Yeah, yeah! The writer, Castle, and his girlfriend.
Kevin Ryan: Girlfriend? Wha... wha... what do you mean girlfriend?
Aaron Lerner: What does that matter?
Kevin Ryan: Hey! Hey! I'll ask the questions here, pal! Are you telling me that Richard Castle brought his girlfriend in your interrogation?
Aaron Lerner: [after a look and a shrug from his lawyer] Yeah.
Kevin Ryan: What was her name?
Aaron Lerner: I don't remember.
Kevin Ryan: Well, then describe her.
[Ryan slams the tabletop]
Kevin Ryan: Describe her, Lerner! Now!
Aaron Lerner: Okay! Tall! Uh... uh... medium length hair. What's this about?
Kevin Ryan: What... what color? Give me a hair color.
Aaron Lerner: Uh... brown. Brown, brown eyes, too, I think. Really pretty.
Kevin Ryan: Body type?
Aaron Lerner: Awesome. I mean *awesome*. She was like... thin, gorgeous. She was hot. She was really hot. Kate! Name was Kate!
Kevin Ryan: [stunned] Son of a...!

Richard Castle: There has been a homicide out here in the Hamptons, in my back yard.
Kevin Ryan: Seriously, Castle? What, are you in an episode of "Murder, She Wrote"?
Richard Castle: More like murder he wrote. But unfortunately, unlike Jessica Fletcher, the local police chief, not a friend of mine. And I think he may have the wrong guy. So I need you guys to question the victim's wife in the city, find out what she knows.
Kevin Ryan: Hmm...
Javier Esposito: That's a pretty big favor to ask, Castle. We're gonna need something in return.
Richard Castle: The Ferrari.
Kevin Ryan: For a week.
Javier Esposito: Each.
Richard Castle: Seriously? Guys.
Kevin Ryan: [smirking] Hmm.
Richard Castle: Guys.


"Castle: Always (#4.23)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: We're just thankful no one was hurt.
Evelyn Montgomery: Believe me, so am I. Ever since Roy died, I've slept with his .357 in the nightstand.
Kate Beckett: So it was just the one guy?
Evelyn Montgomery: As far as I know. He was taking files out of the cabinet. He had Roy's old laptop in his backpack. When he saw me, he pulled his weapon, so God help me, I shot him. I think I hit him in his shoulder. He fired back, and then he crashed through the window.
Kate Beckett: [showing Evelyn a picture of the victim] Evelyn, was this the guy?
Evelyn Montgomery: Yeah. That's him.
Richard Castle: I'm glad Evan and the girls weren't home.
Evelyn Montgomery: Funny thing is, I wasn't supposed to be home, either. It's almost like he knew we weren't supposed to be here.

Kate Beckett: [getting pulled out of an interrogation] Book him on the drugs and weapons charge, and tell the DA I'm gonna want to file for murder one.
Javier Esposito: It wasn't him.
Kate Beckett: What do you mean it wasn't him?
Javier Esposito: The skin tissue that Lanie managed to scrape from underneath our victim's fingernails, the lab was able to pull DNA. We ran it against Vincente, it's not a match. In fact, it wasn't a match to anyone in the system.
Kevin Ryan: But it did match DNA trace evidence from another crime scene.
Richard Castle: Well, at least that's something. What was the crime scene?
Javier Esposito: It was a shooting.
Kevin Ryan: Beckett, it was your shooting.
Javier Esposito: DNA confirms that the man who killed Orlando Costas in that alley is the same man who put a bullet in your heart.

Kate Beckett: [having identified her shooter] All right, you stay on grid. Let us know if he moves. Esposito, you're coming with me.
Kevin Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing? You want to do this, you do it right. You put a team on that car and you bring backup with you.
Kate Beckett: Ryan, this whole thing started because of a group of corrupt cops. How do you know there aren't more out there? We're about an inch away from catching this guy, and I'm not gonna blow it by advertising our next move.
Kevin Ryan: With all due respect, this guy put a bullet in your heart and then he disappeared into the ether. You cannot go in there unprepared.
Kate Beckett: Unprepared? I've been preparing for this for the past thirteen years.


"Castle: Under the Gun (#3.3)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: [Canvassing a cemetery at night, guns drawn] You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splittin' off like this.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy co-eds out lookin' for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough fire-power to take out a whole horde of the undead.
Kevin Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you'd definitely die first.

Kevin Ryan: [Canvassing a cemetery at night, guns drawn] You know, if this were a horror movie, we'd be the first ones killed, splittin' off like this.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, except we're not a couple of top-heavy co-eds out lookin' for fun. We're highly trained officers of the law with enough fire-power to take out a whole horde of the undead.
Kevin Ryan: Hispanic and cocky. Yeah, you'd definitely die first.
Richard Castle: [Cut to Beckett & Castle canvassing another part of the same cemetery] You know, if this were a horror movie...
Kate Beckett: Castle, focus!

Kevin Ryan: So, it looks like your shoplifter isn't our killer after all. Guard at Book Mart confirms that he caught him trying to steal a copy of "The Da Vinci Code".
Richard Castle: "The Da Vinci Code"! Maybe he thought it could help him decipher the document, thinking it's some kind of, uh, ancient religious cryptogram prophesizing the coming zombie apocalypse.
Mike Royce: Is he always like this?
Kate Beckett: No, it's usually about CIA conspiracies.
Richard Castle: I was really close on one of those.


"Castle: Death Gone Crazy (#5.12)" (2013)
Kate Beckett: You got anything?
Kevin Ryan: Well, um... I never thought I'd say this after graduating the sixth grade, but our bra research is in.

Javier Esposito: Yo. How's the "inbreastigation" going?
Kevin Ryan: And that's why you're still single.

Scarlet Jones: Last week, there was this guy in Midtown. He practically attacked Beau in the street, saying that he would make Beau pay for whatever it was he did.
Richard Castle: Do you know who this guy was?
Scarlet Jones: No, but he got in Beau's face. And he was yelling at Beau, saying he had double crossed him. He got physical, so I, uh, stepped in.
Richard Castle: And then what?
Scarlet Jones: Broke his nose and a couple of ribs, I think.
Javier Esposito: [in the observation room with Ryan] Ooh, did you hear that? She broke his nose.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah. So?
Javier Esposito: So, that's hot.
Kevin Ryan: [giving him a weird look] Who are you?


"Castle: Reality Star Struck (#5.14)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Hey. Sorry I'm late.
Javier Esposito: Yeah? Jenny again?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah... her temperature has spiked this morning and suddenly it's show time. She's got this baby-making down to a science.
Richard Castle: Sounds romantic.
Kevin Ryan: I feel like a rooster in a hen house, except for there's only one hen. A very bossy hen.

Captain Victoria Gates: Bob and Penelope fake their breakup, and now poor, sweet, innocent Stone's a killer? Is there anything real on that reality show?
Kevin Ryan: Just the headache I get when I watch it.


"Castle: Vampire Weekend (#2.6)" (2009)
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: [At Castle's Halloween party, Ryan says to Castle] You throw a great shindig, for a 19th-century poet, Mr. Poe.

NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Vampire Mistress Vixen. Her coven is called the Den of Iniquity.
Javier Esposito: Coven?
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: Yeah, vampire coven is like joining a church or a club. "You like to play golf? I like to play golf", "You like to drink blood? I like to drink blood."
[Beckett, Castle, and Esposito all give him strange looks]
NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan: What? I... I used to date a girl who was into the lifestyle.
Javier Esposito: What happened? Did the relationship suck?


"Castle: At Close Range (#7.18)" (2015)
Richard Castle: Ryan was working all night, and he texted me.
Kate Beckett: You texted him instead of me?
Kevin Ryan: Well, when you've got a crazy theory, you don't call the voice of reason.

Richard Castle: [after failing to get Ryan to reveal who he is guarding on a security gig that night] That means this goes beyond the pro athlete or reality star. This is someone important. Someone revered. Perhaps... the Pope? The Dalai Lama? Uncle and Merkle?
Kevin Ryan: My lips are sealed.
Richard Castle: [His voice suddenly high in breathless anticipation] Huh, Ryan! Is it One Direction? You would tell me, right?
[to Esposito as Ryan walks away]
Richard Castle: Are they in town?
Javier Esposito: [Without missing a beat] No, they're in Hong Kong.
Richard Castle: [Calming down] Right.


"Castle: Hollander's Woods (#7.23)" (2015)
Kate Beckett: [meeting Ryan and Esposito at the crime scene] What are you guys fighting about?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, the first case that Captain Montgomery partnered us on. Ten years ago today.
Richard Castle: Really? It's your manniversary? And I didn't get you anything.

Kevin Ryan: Beckett, this thing that Castle says happened, it was decades ago. Is he really sure about this?
Kate Beckett: As sure as I've ever seen him.


"Castle: Demons (#4.6)" (2011)
Richard Castle: I don't know, but I think it's time we found out.
Kate Beckett: Knock yourself out, Castle.
Richard Castle: You're not coming?
Kate Beckett: No. I've got a murder to solve.
Kevin Ryan: I'll go.
Richard Castle: [Talking about Beckett] Oh. That's a look.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah.
Richard Castle: I get these a lot. Just start walking. Faster.

Pete Benton: Matt had a terrible temper. He was convinced Melanie was cheating on him.
Kate Beckett: Was she?
Pete Benton: Wouldn't surprise me if she was. Matt thought it was somebody at work.
Kevin Ryan: [At the precinct] It wasn't someone Melanie worked with. I just tracked down George Banner, Melanie's manager at Flywide Travel from 20 years ago. He said Melanie had two coworkers, both guys.
Richard Castle: Aha.
Kevin Ryan: Married.
Richard Castle: Still.
Kevin Ryan: To each other.
Richard Castle: Oh.


"Castle: Linchpin (#4.16)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: What do you think this is about, huh?
Javier Esposito: Smells like an intelligence op.
Kevin Ryan: CIA? NSA? DHS?
Javier Esposito: Same letters, different alphabet. I had some buddies from the service volunteer for intelligence ops.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, how'd they like it?
Javier Esposito: They all died.

Kate Beckett: Anything on the warehouse?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, right after you guys left the feds showed up and shut us down.
Javier Esposito: But we did find something on your vic, Nelson Blakely. His prints came back as a Scott McGregor from Long Island City.
Kevin Ryan: Problem is McGregor seems to only exist on paper. We can't find any trace of him in the real world.
Kate Beckett: Did you guys send units to the listed address?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, and the family living there had never heard of him. And no one recognized his photo.
Kate Beckett: Well, someone must have known him.
Richard Castle: Someone did. He plays chess. That's not a solo sport.
Kate Beckett: I thought you were off the case.
Richard Castle: Well, you heard what Sophia said. I'm a reckless, immature, self-centered jackass. If you're stubborn enough to keep going, I'm stupid enough to go with you.


"Castle: Significant Others (#5.10)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Hey, guys, uh... I think we might have our theory backwards. What if it wasn't an angry ex-husband that killed Ms. Twohey? What if... it was an ex-wife?
Kate Beckett: [pointedly to Castle] Oh, wow, a troublesome ex-wife? Imagine that.
[to Ryan]
Kate Beckett: So you think one of her clients killed her?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, well, Lanie got a hit on the blood found on Michelle's jacket. It belongs to a Samantha Voss. She's in the system to due a DUI arrest in Los Angeles.
Kate Beckett: Did she have a grievance with Michelle?
Kevin Ryan: Oh, I'd say so. The morning of Michelle's murder, a judge came down with a ruling in Samantha's contentious divorce case. She lost big.
Richard Castle: How big is big?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, Upper East Side apartment big, car and boats big, half of her multi-million dollar net worth big.
Richard Castle: That's big.

Javier Esposito: Bro, what was that?
Richard Castle: What was what?
Kevin Ryan: Your girlfriend just uttered a sarcastic remark about your ex-wife, and all you're gonna say is "What was what"?
Richard Castle: Oh, that was nothing.
Javier Esposito: Spit it out.
Kevin Ryan: Tell us.
Richard Castle: Uh, okay, as you know, Beckett is staying at the loft while her place is getting fumigated, Alexis is home sick as well, and then Meredith showed up and she said she wanted to stay in the loft...
Javier Esposito: And you said no.
[Castle remains silent]
Javier Esposito: Tell me you said no.
[Castle is at a loss for words]
Javier Esposito: Wow.
Kevin Ryan: Really?
Javier Esposito: Letting an ex stay with you when you're with someone else, that's like throwing gasoline on fireworks.
Richard Castle: Come on. Guys, it's not that bad.
Javier Esposito: Castle, you are on the edge of a very, very steep cliff, my friend.
Kevin Ryan: And if you don't do something about it quick...
[Ryan and Esposito both pantomime a firework whistling into the air]


"Castle: Head Case (#4.3)" (2011)
Richard Castle: Missing body, killers who literally cover their tracks... anyone else getting a quick strike assassin squad vibe?
Kevin Ryan: Oh c'mon Castle, you're not saying it's some type of black ops job?
Richard Castle: I'm not saying it. The evidence is saying it. I'm betting this guy's buried at sea by now.
Kate Beckett: Lanie, there's an imprint in the blood.
Lanie Parish: Yeah, it looks like a box or a case.
Kate Beckett: Might have been our victim's.
Richard Castle: Nuclear launch codes, probably.

Kevin Ryan: So, not only is Beau Randolph the proud owner of a Smith & Wesson .45 automatic...
Kate Beckett: Which is a large enough caliber to have created that entry wound in our victim.
Kevin Ryan: ...he also has a carry permit.
Richard Castle: [outraged] What? *I* couldn't even get a carry permit! How did he get one?
Kevin Ryan: The hard way. Several guys saw their girlfriends in his videos and beat the hell out of him.
Richard Castle: [turning to Beckett] No longer jealous.


"Castle: Room 147 (#6.16)" (2014)
Kate Beckett: Did you get ahold of next of kin?
Kevin Ryan: Not yet, but I did find out about our victim through his personal website.
Kate Beckett: He's got his own website?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, he was an actor. A struggling one, judging by his credits.
Richard Castle: [reading a flier] Justin Marquette is a member of the Rooster Theater Company, and is currently appearing in their Off-Off-Off-Broadway production of Chekhov's "Platonov". That's a lot of "offs".

Precinct Detective: [bringing in a third suspect] Detective, we got another one.
Kate Beckett: Another what?
Dwight Carruthers: I'm Dwight Carruthers, CPA. I'm here to turn myself in. For killing Justin Marquette.
Kate Beckett: No...
Richard Castle: All right, this is now officially outstanding.
Kevin Ryan: [entering] Hey. You guys need to see this.
Dwight Carruthers: [Beckett and Castle follow Ryan] Wait, I... I need to confess!
Kate Beckett: [under her breath] Yeah, take a number.


"Castle: Nikki Heat (#3.11)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: [watching Natalie, who is dressed like Beckett, in the bullpen] We really should have a code word so we all know which Beckett to kill when her clone army attacks.
Kate Beckett: Unless we make a preemptive strike.

[Castle, Beckett, and Ryan are huddled together in the break room]
Javier Esposito: What are you guys doing?
Kevin Ryan: Hiding from creepy Beckett.


"Castle: Heartbreak Hotel (#4.8)" (2011)
Javier Esposito: Castle's right. I mean, since we're going to be there, we might as well consider the Sapphire as a potential bachelor party venue.
Richard Castle: I'm so happy you said that, because there are a number of establishments down there that cater to bachelor party events. I think maybe we should take a little sampling.
Kevin Ryan: No, no, no. We are not sampling any clubs.
Javier Esposito: What? C'mon, bro. Why are you stallin' us on this?
Kevin Ryan: Look Javier, I -
[sighs]
Kevin Ryan: I got some bad news.
[Esposito glances at him]
Kevin Ryan: ... I had to ask Jenny's half-brother Nelson to be my best man.
Javier Esposito: [Outraged] Nelson? That guy I met at your birthday party? 16 with braces? Couldn't stop talking about being a mathlete?
Kevin Ryan: It was a family thing. I - I didn't have a choice.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, you did.
Richard Castle: Actually, when it comes to weddings, you don't. Trust me, you do not want to start a marriage with a family feud.
[There's a brief silence]
Javier Esposito: This sucks.
Kevin Ryan: I know.
Javier Esposito: And I was going to give you an awesome sendoff, bro.
Kevin Ryan: I know.
Richard Castle: Well boys, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it had to come to this. I didn't want it to, but it looks like we have no choice. There is no other way. IBPWOC. Impromptu bachelor party while on case!

Javier Esposito: Women. You sure you want to spend the rest of your life with one?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, yeah. Mine likes me.
Richard Castle: [chuckling] Ooh, speaking of Atlantic City, perfect place for a bachelor party.
Javier Esposito: Ooh, that's what I'm talking about, bro. We could rent one of these right there, hit the casino, maybe the club...
Kevin Ryan: I was thinking more along the lines of... camping trip.
Richard Castle: [laughs, then stops] Oh, you were... oh.
Javier Esposito: First of all, no. Second, it's not up to you. The bachelor party is strictly best man territory. And by the way, your big date is what, like two months away? So you need to officially tell the guy so that he can start planning something.
Kevin Ryan: I still got some time. Uh, I'm gonna go check on those cameras.
Javier Esposito: What the... did you see that? He just sidestepped me. What's that about?
Richard Castle: It's almost as though the thought of marriage fills him with an impending sense of doom.
[laughs]
Richard Castle: Oh, no, wait. That's me.


"Castle: The Double Down (#2.2)" (2009)
[Kate, Esposito, and Ryan are stuck on their respective cases]
Kate Beckett: We've been over these cases so many times, it's hard to see straight anymore. All right. We'll start over. Fresh eyes. You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Javier Esposito: All right.
Richard Castle: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Say that again.
Kate Beckett: You take our murder, we'll take yours.
Richard Castle: Could it be that easy? You take mine, I'll take yours.
Javier Esposito: What are you getting at, Castle?
Richard Castle: "Strangers on a Train".
Kevin Ryan: The Hitchcock movie?
Richard Castle: I'm partial to the novel by Patricia Highsmith, but yes. We have two strong suspects, but with airtight alibis, right?
[Castle takes pictures of suspects off the murder board]
Javier Esposito: Right.
Richard Castle: We know they're connected. What if the connection is the killers?
Kate Beckett: Jason and Eric committed each other's murders.
Richard Castle: And made sure they had an airtight alibi for the murder they knew they'd be suspected of. It's not our victims who are connected. It's our murderers. Crisscross!

Kevin Ryan: How you doing, Dr. Perlmutter?
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Shh. The body is speaking.
Javier Esposito: What's it saying?
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: It's saying "Someone shot me". One to the midsection... 38, maybe even a .45. He was shot at close range and from behind.
Javier Esposito: That's cold.
M.E. Sidney Perlmutter: Yeah, well, that's the living for you.


"Castle: The Good, the Bad & the Baby (#6.10)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Our baby's due in a month, and I can't stop it. What if I'm really not ready?
Javier Esposito: Well, you're not ready.
Kevin Ryan: What?
Javier Esposito: Nobody is. Look, being a dad is like being a cop. Doesn't matter what they teach you in the academy, you learn on the streets. You did okay with that, right?
Kevin Ryan: Uh... my first day, I was so nervous I rear-ended a SWAT van and ten guys in vests poured out, ready to take me down with extreme prejudice.
Javier Esposito: Well... you care. That already makes you a hundred times better than the dad I had.

[Castle and Beckett enter the precinct dead on their feet after taking care of Cosmo all night]
Kevin Ryan: Whoa! You two look like you got hit by the milk truck.
Richard Castle: You see this face? This is the face of your future.
Javier Esposito: That bad, huh?
Richard Castle: No, no, no. We slept like babies.
Kate Beckett: Yeah. Up every hour.


"Castle: One Man's Treasure (#2.10)" (2009)
Kate Beckett: Yeah, well, never underestimate the fragility of the male ego.
Kevin Ryan: Oh, see? That's just a stero...
Richard Castle: Don't. Don't. That's... She's baiting us, all right? Just ignore her and she'll lose her witchy powers.
Kate Beckett: You wish.

Kate Beckett: [Castle is plugging his nose to block the smell of decomposing trash] What are you doing?
Richard Castle: Well, I can't breathe through my nose. I happen to have a very acute sense of smell.
Kate Beckett: Suck it up, Castle. Real cops deal with worse.
Lanie Parish: Yeah, not to mention medical examiners. Do you know how long I have to shower before heading out on a date?
Richard Castle: No, but if you need someone to time to for you, I'd be happy to...
Kevin Ryan: [sticking his arm up out of the dumpster, holding a wallet] Found it!
[Ryan climbs out of the dumpster]
Kevin Ryan: It must have fallen out of his jacket on the way down.
Kate Beckett: [checking the driver's license] Yeah, that's our guy. All right, the name is Sam Parker, and the driver's license has his address placed in Connecticut.
Kevin Ryan: Maybe he's visiting someone in the building.
Richard Castle: You mean dropping by?


"Castle: Heroes and Villains (#4.2)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: Larceny, assault, fraud... you name it, Tyler Faris has done it. Still, nobody deserves ending up like that.
Javier Esposito: He got what was coming to him.
Kevin Ryan: Dude. That's for the criminal justice system to decide.
Javier Esposito: Maybe a sword is a justice system.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, if you're Quentin Tarantino, maybe.

Kevin Ryan: Uniforms widened their canvass. Still can't find anyone that knows our mystery man.
Javier Esposito: Ah, whoever he is, I can't connect him to any swords, either. I pray we nail this dude before I have to call every store on that list.
Kevin Ryan: I thought you were kind of rooting for this guy?
Javier Esposito: That's when he was Joe Citizen taking it to the bad guys. Now he's just some nimrod in a suit.
Kevin Ryan: Ah. You gotta give him props for spirit, though, right? I mean, haven't you ever wanted to be a superhero? Going out there, prowling the city, knocking some heads?
Javier Esposito: I do that now.


"Castle: An Embarrassment of Bitches (#4.13)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: [having agreed to temporarily keep the victim's dog at NYPD] There's got to be some food for him at Francisco's place. Who wants to make a run for it?
Javier Esposito: [derisive snort] To go get dog food?
[Beckett nods]
Javier Esposito: Castle.
Richard Castle: Ryan.
Kevin Ryan: Esposito.

Kate Beckett: We have reason to suspect that our killer was wearing your perfume.
Kay Cappuccio: Well, that's impossible. It wasn't even out yet. I'm the only person who had it.
Kevin Ryan: [watching with Esposito in the observation room] Does she realize she just incriminated herself?
Javier Esposito: I said she was nice. Didn't say anything about smart.


"Castle: The Limey (#4.20)" (2012)
Richard Castle: [Castle wheels in a white board] OK boys, here it is.
Kevin Ryan: Here's what?
Richard Castle: My foolproof plan for getting Nigel's fingerprint. Nigel lives in a high-rise apartment, here on Park Avenue.
Javier Esposito: High security.
Richard Castle: Exactly. Ryan, you'll be here, front door, dressed as a flower delivery boy. Esposito, you'll be here, dressed as a hobo.
Javier Esposito: Question: why does the brown man gotta be the hobo?
Richard Castle: You want the flowers?
Javier Esposito: Hobo it is.
Richard Castle: You guys will cause a distraction here, while I... rapelle down the side of the building, with Nikolai.
Kevin Ryan: Who's Nikolai?
Richard Castle: He's a Romanian gymnast I met on YouTube. He's extremely flexible, and fits right in the duffle bag, with a glass cutter.

Colin Hunt: [approaching Castle, Ryan, and Esposito in a sharp-looking tuxedo] Excuse me, gents. Has anyone seen Detective Beckett?
[Beckett enters in a fancy dress]
Kevin Ryan: Wow. Uh... you guys going out?
Colin Hunt: I pulled some strings and got us into a party at the British consulate tonight.
Kate Beckett: Nigel will be there. We'll get his prints and he won't even know it.
Colin Hunt: Cheers, lads.
[Beckett and Colin leave]
Kevin Ryan: Or they could do that.
Richard Castle: Yeah, sure, if you want to do it the easy way.


"Castle: Countdown (#3.17)" (2011)
Richard Castle: How'd you find us?
Javier Esposito: Oh, Alexis called. Said you didn't come home.
Richard Castle: Alexis? She's supposed to be out of town.
Javier Esposito: I guess she came back. We figured you were with Beckett, until Josh called.
Kevin Ryan: We thought you must be out there doing something incredibly stupid against orders, so we sent patrol units everywhere we figured you'd be moronic enough to go. Found Beckett's car, and searched the area until we found the light from the storage container.
Richard Castle: Well, I'm glad my stupidity's predictable.

Richard Castle: [after talking with Fallon] Man, does that guy take jackhole lessons or was he born that way?
Kevin Ryan: Neither. I asked my buddy at DHS about him. Turns out his wife was killed on 9/11. She rode the second tower down; they were on the phone together when it happened.


"Castle: The Greater Good (#6.19)" (2014)
Richard Castle: You know, there's a good argument for keeping the list really small. Just immediate family.
Kate Beckett: This argument doesn't have something to do with a certain amusement park ride, does it?
Richard Castle: I'm being serious. Getting married is an intimate act, and our ceremony should reflect that intimacy. And that way, we could all fit into one car. Ryan! How do you feel about roller coasters?
Kevin Ryan: Ooh, make me nauseous. Why?
Kate Beckett: No reason.

Richard Castle: Good news. I cross-referenced my mother's list with my list. We have three names in common.
Kate Beckett: Wow, three names. That's great. That takes us from what, 585 to 582? There's gotta be a better way to cut this down. Ryan, you guys kept your wedding small. What was it, like a hundred people?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah. That's all we could afford.
Richard Castle: How did you... contain the list?
Kevin Ryan: I have a lot of relatives who hate me now.


"Castle: Knockout (#3.24)" (2011)
Richard Castle: Who's Napolitano?
Kevin Ryan: Oh, he worked with Raglan on a couple of drug busts. But he was at his daughter's wedding the night Bob Armen was shot, so he's not our third cop.
Richard Castle: Where is he now?
Javier Esposito: He died of heart failure, back in 1993. Why are you asking about Napolitano?
Richard Castle: Uh... he and Raglan are listed as the arresting officers on this report. But... this has been altered.
Javier Esposito: What?
Kevin Ryan: How can you tell?
Richard Castle: Because I know typewriters. Older typewriters use cloth ribbon. If you look closely, you can see the striations in the typeface. Newer typewriters used film ribbon. Someone whited-out the assisting officer's name on this report, photocopied it, and then typed in Napolitano's name. It's a cover-up, literally.
Javier Esposito: I'll be damned.

Kevin Ryan: We just got word on the security footage from the airport. Cameras did pick up a late-model Malibu leaving the area. But its license plate was blacked out.
Kate Beckett: So basically we've got nothing still, right? Just a bunch of dead ends. Everywhere I look, it's just a bunch of dead ends.
Richard Castle: You know, whoever planned this escape for Lockwood knew they would need someone on the inside. If Ryker was such a straight arrow, why would they approach him?
Javier Esposito: He was a soft target because of his financial troubles.
Richard Castle: How would they know that?
Kate Beckett: They found him the same way we did. Financial records. They ran financials on everybody in that prison.
Richard Castle: Who would have that kind of authority?
Kate Beckett: A cop. Or someone who was a cop. So this third cop wasn't Lockwood's target. This third cop was the one who was holding Lockwood's leash. He's the one who's behind this whole thing. Okay, I want us to pull reports with Raglan and McCallister's name on it.
Kevin Ryan: We did all that already.
Javier Esposito: Months ago. There's nothing.
Kate Beckett: No, no, no. I'm not talking about arrest reports. I'm talking about performance evaluations...
Javier Esposito: We went through everything. We looked at every cop we could find who could have worked with them. None of them were our third guy.
Kate Beckett: Well, then check it again. And when you're done with that, check it again.
Kevin Ryan: Beckett, we want him as bad as you.
Kate Beckett: The hell you do! *Nobody* wants him as bad as I do, okay? Nobody. So check it again!


"Castle: Lucky Stiff (#3.14)" (2011)
Kate Beckett: Any idea how much money was in here?
Reginald Easley: $100,000, secured in a bank bag.
Kevin Ryan: Uh, this is Reginald Easley. He's Mr. Hixton's servant.
Reginald Easley: "Servant"? Young man, I am a traditional English butler. I apprenticed at Buckingham Palace.
Kate Beckett: Did he always keep that much hard cash in the safe?
Reginald Easley: Mr. Hixton came from an impoverished background. He found having hard currency around reassuring.
Kate Beckett: How many people knew that it was there?
Reginald Easley: Dozens, no doubt. He had a habit of buying everything in sight. No thought to how much money he was flashing around, or how dangerous it was to tell people that there was plenty more of it at home.
Richard Castle: In New York, that's like inviting someone back to your house to kill you.

Richard Castle: Hey, Ryan, what would you do if you won the lottery?
Kevin Ryan: Winery.
Richard Castle: [to Beckett] See? Everyone thinks about it.
Captain Roy Montgomery: [approaching] Everybody thinks about what?
Richard Castle: What they would do if they won the lottery.
Captain Roy Montgomery: A big-ass boat, 60-footer. Monster spinnaker hanging off the bow, two deep-sea rods hanging off the stern.
Richard Castle: Sweet.
Kate Beckett: Okay, while you guys are fantasizing about the size of your rods, I'm gonna go and interrogate our suspect.


"Castle: Swan Song (#5.7)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: [Seeing Ryan and Esposito come in with a suspect] Hey, is that our stalker?
Javier Esposito: Ex stalker. He won't be seein' daylight any time soon.
Kevin Ryan: LT, could you please take him to the interrogation room? Thank you.
Javier Esposito: [Directly to the camera] You should watch from observation while I tear this guy apart.
Kate Beckett: So... uh... we like this guy?
Kevin Ryan: We found blood stained overalls in his van. We sent 'em to be tested, see if they match the blood from our vic.
Javier Esposito: [Hard edged and over the top] Oh, they match. Trust me, bro. You don't have to worry about this creep hurtin' anyone ever again.
[Directly to the camera again]
Javier Esposito: That's a gift from me to you. You're welcome, America.

Captain Victoria Gates: Are we close on locating Campbell?
Kevin Ryan: Well, his picture is out to all patrol cars citywide, and I've sent his photograph to all the hotels in our database.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, but the trouble is he uses aliases in order to stay off the DEA's radar.
Captain Victoria Gates: Well, why's the DEA interested in him?
Kevin Ryan: The Church of Wildly Enlightenment isn't just your friendly neighborhood cult. It's also a twenty-acre pot farm, run by the 300 plus members, all for Campbell's personal profit.
Captain Victoria Gates: Why don't the feds shut him down?
Kevin Ryan: They've tried. Something about freedom of religious expression.


"Castle: Smells Like Teen Spirit (#6.15)" (2014)
Kate Beckett: Is that blood, up there on the rafter?
Lanie Parish: Yes, and it's hers.
Richard Castle: How'd it get up there?
Kevin Ryan: Well, as far as we can tell, our killer threw Madison up there.
Lanie Parish: Which is probably what killed her. She has a major intracranial injury.
Richard Castle: She was thrown against the ceiling? That is a superhuman feat, bordering on physically impossible.
Kate Beckett: Okay, Castle, let's hear it. What's your outlandish theory?
Richard Castle: Isn't it obvious? Madison made the Hulk angry.

Kevin Ryan: Hey, hey. I got a hit on those bearer bonds. Turns out they were stolen months ago in an armed robbery of a bank in Floral Park. The crew cleaned out the safe deposit boxes.
Javier Esposito: Hold up. Are you saying that a seventeen year old prep school girl robbed a bank?
Kevin Ryan: No. But she might have robbed the guy who robbed the bank. According to the police report, the prime suspect in the bank robbery was one Xiangzu Chen, a former Triad enforcer who went into business for himself. Now, the DA had enough evidence to indict him, but his defense attorney got him off on a technicality, and the bonds were never recovered.
Richard Castle: And how does any of this connect with Madison?
Kevin Ryan: Look who his defense attorney is.
Kate Beckett: [looking at the report] Charles Beaumont. Madison's father?
Javier Esposito: Madison must have heard about the bonds from her dad, where Chen was hiding them, and how much they were worth.
Richard Castle: That's a huge score for a budding thief.
Kate Beckett: And if Chen found out that his lawyer's little girl stole $2.3 million from him...
Javier Esposito: It would be motive to bash her skull against the ceiling.


"Castle: Eye of the Beholder (#4.5)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: [Captain Gates has called Beckett into her office] Oh, great. What'd you do now?
Kate Beckett: Shut up.

Kate Beckett: I gotta hand it to you. This whole long con you've got going, it's impressive. Cozying up to insurance companies, telling them that you want go straight, all the while waiting for your next score.
Serena Kaye: What are you talking about?
Kate Beckett: The only catch was that you knew you needed Hayes, but you knew you couldn't get away with it if you let him live, so you insinuated yourself into my investigation to cover your tracks.
Serena Kaye: And here I thought Rick was the only writer on your team.
Kevin Ryan: [watching with Castle and Esposito] "Rick"? You guys on a first name basis now?
Javier Esposito: Well, he was making out with her in the hotel hallway.
Richard Castle: Beckett told me to stall her!
Javier Esposito: She also tell you to use tongue?


"Castle: The Third Man (#2.14)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: [listening to Castle and Beckett run a theory] Do they know they're finishing each other's sentences?


"Castle: One Life to Lose (#3.18)" (2011)
[listening to Castle and Beckett finish each other's sentences]
Kevin Ryan: Do you two practice this when we're not around?


"Castle: Dressed to Kill (#6.14)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: I always thought the fashion industry seemed glamorous. Turns out mobsters are more ethical.
Kate Beckett: Oh, my gosh. Why do you think I quit? I'll take murderers over models any day.
Javier Esposito: If only murderers were this hot.


"Castle: The Final Nail (#3.15)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: [Beckett and Castle bicker in the break room] What's going on?
Javier Esposito: Mom and dad are fighting.
Kevin Ryan: Who's winning?


"Castle: The Time of Our Lives (#7.6)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: [Leading two suspects away] Hey, Castle. You missed all the excitement. We were awesome. Weren't we, Javi?
Javier Esposito: [Leading Lark away] As usual.


"Castle: In the Belly of the Beast (#6.17)" (2014)
Javier Esposito: Yo, Beckett, I thought you were off.
Kate Beckett: Was that the deputy commissioner?
Javier Esposito: Yeah. There's been more brass through here than a marching band.
Kate Beckett: What's going on?
Kevin Ryan: It's all need-to-know, and... we didn't make the list.
Javier Esposito: But whatever's happening, it's going down in that conference room.


"Castle: Target (#5.15)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Hasim Farouk is a Saudi national living here as a student.
Richard Castle: Majoring in what? Urban warfare?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, undeclared, actually. Up at Columbia.
[Castle does a double take]
Kate Beckett: So what was he doing in lower Manhattan?
Richard Castle: More importantly, what is Columbia doing admitting gun toting lunatics and are there any more of them?
[Takes out his phone]
Richard Castle: For the record, I'm not calling to check on Alexis. I'm just checking my email.


"Castle: Time Will Tell (#6.5)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: So, according to Shauna's supervisor, all of her parolees were nonviolent offenders, and none of them look like this sketch that we took off the neighbor, or matched prints that CSU got from the crime scene.
Kate Beckett: So it's quite possible this had nothing to do with her job.
Richard Castle: Then why torture? What could the killer want?
Kevin Ryan: What, Castle, no crazy theories?
Kate Beckett: Oh, he's got bigger issues. His daughter's moving in with a boy.
Kevin Ryan: And you're letting her?
Richard Castle: Well, apparently, the only way to stop her is locking her up. But according to Miss By-the-Book here, that's unlawful imprisonment.


"Castle: The Dead Pool (#3.21)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: Check out the text messages that Bridget fired off to Zack on the night he was killed.
Richard Castle: Ooh! Not a lot of "LoLs" in there.
Kate Beckett: "Zack, if you leave me, I swear to God I'll kill you."
Richard Castle: She has a way with words.
Kate Beckett: And a record to go with it.
Kevin Ryan: Disorderly conduct. Mostly minor stuff. Uniforms are bringing her in now.
Captain Roy Montgomery: It says here she's 5'2". You really think she could overpower Zack?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, no. But her brothers could. In grand Irish tradition, she has four of them. Each over six foot, each with his own claim to fame. Assault.
Richard Castle: Ooh.
Kevin Ryan: Ag assault.
Richard Castle: Bad.
Kevin Ryan: ADW.
Richard Castle: Yee.
Kevin Ryan: Battery. Assault on a city employee, parking enforcement.
Richard Castle: Doesn't count.
Captain Roy Montgomery: Easy.
Kevin Ryan: Dude.


"Castle: Dial M for Mayor (#4.12)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: Hey, Ryan, what do our victim's phone records show? Any phone calls to City Hall?
Kevin Ryan: No phone calls at all, because Laura Cambridge didn't own a cell phone. And her credit cards haven't been used in six months.
Richard Castle: No cell phone and no credit cards? It's like she's from another century.
Javier Esposito: Amish theory's looking pretty good, bro.


"Castle: The Late Shaft (#2.20)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: Once we suspected blackmail, I ran through his financials again.
Kate Beckett: I thought they were clean.
Kevin Ryan: Well, they were. But going back, we found this.
[hands Beckett a folder]
Kate Beckett: He spent a hundred grand on a kitchen reno.
Kevin Ryan: Totally legitimate, but we searched his brownstone.
Richard Castle: And he wasn't renovating his kitchen.
Kate Beckett: So who was on the receiving end of the hundred grand?
Kevin Ryan: Zack Robinson.
Richard Castle: Ooh, good bad guy name. Snaky "z", hard "k." Even has "rob" in it.


"Castle: The Wrong Stuff (#7.16)" (2015)
Kate Beckett: I'd like to see the body, so where is the simulation?
Ed Redley: A couple of stories below us. And that's easier said than done.
Kevin Ryan: In order to mimic conditions on Mars as well as discourage any cheating, the simulation's filled with noxious gas.
Ed Redley: It won't kill you. But, it will induce severe nausea and a rash. It will take several days to vent the sim to make the air breathable. So, if you wanna to go in, you're gonna need to wear space suits.
Richard Castle: [Unable to contain his excitement] *Best* case ever!
[Pastes a serious look on his face]
Richard Castle: This way?


"Castle: Cuffed (#4.10)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: [after rescuing Beckett and Castle] Handcuffed together that long? I'm surprised you two didn't kill each other.


"Castle: A Deadly Game (#2.24)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: Why would they try to kill someone who doesn't exist?
Richard Castle: I think I know. Come on.
[cut to the precinct]
Kevin Ryan: Hey. So, I just got back from Ballistics. That gun that we found in the victim's car...
[Castle and Beckett blow right by him; cut to Castle entering Holding]
Richard Castle: Let me guess. It's not real. It's a game.
Hans Brauer: What are you talking about?
Richard Castle: This whole thing. The fake IDs, the dossier, Luvania, the banking minister. It's all part of a game.
Hans Brauer: Hey, come on, you're breaking the fourth wall here.
Richard Castle: Listen, Hans, or whatever your name is, you see that woman?
[pointing to Beckett]
Richard Castle: She's a real cop. There's been a real murder. And you are really under arrest. If you don't start talking to us, you're gonna stay in jail. Real jail.


"Castle: Overkill (#2.23)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: So, we're still canvassing, but I thought you'd want to hear this. Neighbor said she was on her treadmill last night listening to music.
Kate Beckett: So she didn't hear the shot.
Kevin Ryan: No, but she did open her back door to let the cat in, and she saw someone hopping over the fence on their way out of Wilder's yard.
Richard Castle: You get a description?
Kevin Ryan: Yeah.
[Ryan consults his notepad]
Kevin Ryan: Uh... a foot disappearing over the fence.


"Castle: Anatomy of a Murder (#3.5)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: Our victim's student loans. Since graduating med school, Dr. Monroe has been regularly making minimum amount payments on her $440,000 student loan.
Kevin Ryan: That's how much it costs to become a doctor? Glad I became a cop.


"Castle: Private Eye Caramba! (#7.12)" (2015)
Kevin Ryan: So, a tech went over that USB drive. Turns out it's a dondle.
Richard Castle, Javier Esposito: Ohhhhhh... What's a dondle?
Kevin Ryan: It's basically an encrypted security key.
Javier Esposito: That unlocks what?
Kevin Ryan: The tech plugged it in. It routed them to an anonymous numbered back account in Switzerland... with a balance of one hundred million.
Javier Esposito: A hundred million bucks?
Richard Castle: I shoulda charged way more to find that purse.


"Castle: A Dance with Death (#4.18)" (2012)
Kevin Ryan: [after interviewing one of the other dance contestants] Damn, did you see that?
Javier Esposito: Mm-hmm.
Kevin Ryan: She acted like I didn't even exist.
Javier Esposito: You don't. Not since you put that ring on your finger. Get used to being invisible to single women.


"Castle: Last Call (#3.10)" (2010)
Javier Esposito: According to his fingerprints, his name is Donald Hayes. Navy veteran, served in Desert Storm, and he's been a dock worker since '94.
Kevin Ryan: Somehow still employed as one. Our victim, Donny Hayes. Currently clocked in and on duty at the East Side docks.
Richard Castle: Which either means he's an incredibly dedicated zombie...
Kate Beckett: Or he's a suspect in our murder.


"Castle: Disciple (#6.9)" (2013)
[discovering Dr. Neiman knew 3XK, Caskett, Ryan, and Esposito arrive at her office to find it cleared out]
Kevin Ryan: Damn it!
Javier Esposito: Well, this explains why you couldn't reach her. She bolted.
Kevin Ryan: And if Tyson's in this, he did, too.
Richard Castle: It seems like only yesterday this place was a thriving medical practice. Ah! It was yesterday.


"Castle: Close Encounters of the Murderous Kind (#3.9)" (2010)
Kevin Ryan: Those hickeys?
Javier Esposito: Yes.
Kate Beckett: No
Richard Castle: I wish.


"Castle: Ghosts (#1.8)" (2009)
Richard Castle: Someone say "murder". Hold on, I'll get my coat.
Javier Esposito: Look at him, all excited.
Kate Beckett: Yeah, like a kid at Christmas.
Kevin Ryan: With a dead body under the tree.


"Castle: Get a Clue (#6.6)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Wade's lawyer is here. He says we need to charge his client or let him go.
Javier Esposito: We don't have enough to charge him.
Kate Beckett: Why don't we try and keep him until we do? Put Wade in with a sketch artist. Have him describe that guy that was supposedly stalking Susannah. That'll buy Castle and I enough time to tear his alibi apart. And just to cover our bases, you look into that cab that Wade described.
Kevin Ryan: Really? You want me to track down a cab off a banner ad for "Wicked".
Kate Beckett: [shrugs] Impress me.
Kevin Ryan: [to Esposito, as Beckett and Castle leave] You know, there are times I wish she'd stayed in D.C.


"Castle: The Lives of Others (#5.19)" (2013)
Kevin Ryan: Castle. How's the knee?
Richard Castle: It's not the knee so much as the boredom.
Javier Esposito: I thought you writers liked being alone.
Richard Castle: Yeah, if I could write. But the painkillers make me a little loopy. Last night I used the word 'speculate' three times in the same sentence.
Kevin Ryan: [Sees a pair of binoculars] Hmm. You must be bored. You've actually gone 'Rear Window'
Richard Castle: Alexis got me those as a joke to cheer me up. I have not yet resorted to voyeurism.
Kevin Ryan: [Ryan has picked up the binoculars and has trained them on the windows across the street] Then you are missing out.
Javier Esposito: What? Let me see.
[They fight over the binoculars]
Kevin Ryan: Hey, no!
Javier Esposito: Give me those!
Kevin Ryan: [Javier claims the binoculars] Dude, she was just about to take off her towel.
Javier Esposito: Oh, the towel's off.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah?
Kate Beckett: [Comes up behind them] Unless the body you're looking at is dead I suggest you drop those binoculars


"Castle: Famous Last Words (#2.7)" (2009)
Richard Castle: Do you still have truant officers?
Roy Montgomery: [shrugs] Budget cuts.
Richard Castle: You are so lucky.
Javier Esposito: Found your stalker. Franco Marquez, AKA Frankie Markie. Hayley filed half a dozen complaints against him. Says here that he even tried to break into her apartment and when she filed against him he showed up in court and called her a...
[stops, looks at Castle and Alexis]
Javier Esposito: B-I-T-C-H.
Richard Castle: She can spell, Detective.
Kevin Ryan: Probably better then you!


"Castle: Slice of Death (#3.20)" (2011)
Richard Castle: Listen, if I gave you a website, could you have your friends in Tech hack into it and take some pictures down?
Kevin Ryan: Did someone find naked pictures of you again?
Richard Castle: No. Not me, it's Alexis. It's for Alexis.
Kevin Ryan: This just got awkward. What's this about?


"Castle: Cloudy with a Chance of Murder (#5.2)" (2012)
Kate Beckett: [about Castle's date with Kristina] What's your point?
Kevin Ryan: Isn't it obvious? She's *totally* gonna put the moves on him.
Javier Esposito: No way. Not gonna happen.
Kate Beckett: Thank you. For actually showing some maturity.
Javier Esposito: He's totally gonna put the moves on *her*.
Kate Beckett: Don't you guys think that he's actually evolved beyond that by now?
Javier Esposito: He's a man. He has a pulse. So...
Javier Esposito, Kevin Ryan: No.


"Castle: Secret's Safe with Me (#5.3)" (2012)
Richard Castle: You know what I love about this case?
Kevin Ryan: What's that?
Richard Castle: Finding a pretty pink bracelet in my belongings.
Kevin Ryan: You know you're gonna have to return that thing...
Richard Castle: I know, Ryan! I know that. I ju... can't you let me have this moment? This one, small "Treasure Island"/Indiana Jones moment?
Kevin Ryan: Sorry. Go ahead.
Richard Castle: Well, it's too late now. It's ruined.


"Castle: 3XK (#3.6)" (2010)
Kate Beckett: I see domestic complaints by the double digits...
Richard Castle: Filed by his wife.
Kevin Ryan: Ex-wife. They were divorced last month after being married for four years.
Richard Castle: So in a way, he did just get out of prison.


"Castle: Sucker Punch (#2.13)" (2010)
Javier Esposito: Meet the late Jack Coonan.
Kate Beckett: Why is that name familiar?
Kevin Ryan: 'Cause it probably crossed all our desks a dozen times in the last few years. Aggravated assault, ADW, arson.
Javier Esposito: Coonan had a heavy rep. Word is he's an enforcer for the Westies.
Lanie Parish: Okay, remind me. Who are the Westies again?
Richard Castle: Irish mafia out of Hell's Kitchen.
Kate Beckett: They deal in cargo theft, counterfeiting, extortion.
Kevin Ryan: And public urination on St. Patrick's Day.


"Castle: To Love and Die in L.A. (#3.22)" (2011)
Captain Roy Montgomery: You heard from Beckett?
Javier Esposito: No, sir.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, me neither.
Captain Roy Montgomery: She's not answering her cell.
Javier Esposito: Maybe she's airborne.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, that would explain her phone being turned off.
Captain Roy Montgomery: Oh. You know, I'm trying to decide who is the worse liar. Him or you.
[Esposito nods at Ryan]


"Castle: Valkyrie (#6.1)" (2013)
Javier Esposito: So listen. We just finished a case. Come have a drink with us after work
Richard Castle: Oh, I'd love to, but I'm working on a case of my own right now.
[covering]
Richard Castle: For my next book.
Javier Esposito: Ohh, so you just called us 'cause you need some expert technical consulting?
Richard Castle: Well, since you offered. I'm writing a scene about someone trying to investigate using only one evidence photo. A crime involving national security.
Kevin Ryan: So your hero's a spy?
Richard Castle: More like a ruggedly handsome every man. Anyway, the photo is of a blown transformer, so I... pulled a random photo of a transformer off the internet and there's a serial number on the side. I'm trying to determine how much my character could figure out just from that number. I was wondering if my character's police buddies might have any... resources.
Javier Esposito: Well, if your hero's fictional cop buddies are anything like your real cop buddies, then they'd have real work to get back to, so... bye bye now.
Richard Castle: What if our hero was offering Knicks floor seats?
Javier Esposito: What's that serial number?


"Castle: Clear & Present Danger (#7.3)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: Hmmm. What's this?
[Reading a note left with a box on his desk]
Kevin Ryan: Time you had a proper uniform. Love, Javi.
Javier Esposito: It's from the heart, bro.
Kevin Ryan: Okay.
[Opens the box and pulls out a thong that says 'Security' on it]
Javier Esposito: Too big?


"Castle: Veritas (#6.22)" (2014)
Kevin Ryan: What's this all about, Castle?
Richard Castle: Guys, she wouldn't want you involved.
Javier Esposito: We're already involved. We're family, bro.
Kevin Ryan: And we know this is bigger than Vulcan Simmons.
Richard Castle: How?
Kevin Ryan: We canvassed around the hotel where Jason Marks was staying. The bell captain there said he had a meeting with this man. Look familiar?
Richard Castle: [Ryan hands him a police sketch] Yeah. That's Smith.
Javier Esposito: Captain Montgomery's friend, right? The one who kept Beckett safe by holding those files on Bracken?
Kevin Ryan: Until they got blown to high heaven.
Richard Castle: Yes, but Smith is dead. He died in-hospital.
Javier Esposito: Maybe that's just how he wanted it to look.
Richard Castle: Smith did have the resources to fake his own death. And that is the only way Bracken would stop hunting him.
Kevin Ryan: Bracken? Is that was this is all about?
Richard Castle: We believe Vulcan's drug money was funding his campaign. We were trying to find a link, but maybe we got too close.
Javier Esposito: Well, how does Smith fit in?
Richard Castle: I don't know. But if he took the risk of showing himself, something big must be going on.


"Castle: Kill Switch (#7.8)" (2014)
Javier Esposito: [On the phone with Ryan] Hey, bro. Yeah, I followed him down to the subway. I'm looking for him now.
Kevin Ryan: What, you lost him?
Javier Esposito: No, I didn't lose him. I just... don't have visual contact.


"Castle: Pretty Dead (#3.23)" (2011)
Javier Esposito: Yo. Bobby Stark's blazer, courtesy of the costume lady at the pageant.
Kate Beckett: And the broken black sequin?
Javier Esposito: Perfect match.
Richard Castle: Bam said the costume lady.
Kevin Ryan: [approaching] Ooh, she's not the only lady saying "bam" when it comes to Bobby Stark.
Kate Beckett: Does he have a record?
Kevin Ryan: Uh, no criminal charges, but Mr. Stark has quite the repuation.
[Ryan holds up three folders]
Kevin Ryan: Three women filed restraining orders against Bobby Stark in the last year. All for "unwanted advances".
Richard Castle: How come I didn't hear about this on TMZ?


"Castle: Montreal (#7.2)" (2014)
Javier Esposito: So, I checked with the vic's wife. The days that Mr. Williger claimed he was working late are the exact same days he was leaving work early.
Kate Beckett: That leaves about ten to twelve hours over at least a dozen days that he's unaccounted for. What was he doing?
Kevin Ryan: [approaching] I just went back through his phones and financials, and they are clean. In fact, they're too clean. From the time he left work on those days 'til the time he got home, there's no activity at all. No calls or purchases of any kind, not even subway or cab charges.
Kate Beckett: So whatever he was doing, he wanted to keep it a secret from everyone. Why?
Kevin Ryan: What we could use right now is a crazy Castle theory.


"Castle: Fool Me Once... (#2.4)" (2009)
Kevin Ryan: You know what I don't get?
Kate Beckett: Mm-hmm?
Kevin Ryan: Why go to so much trouble to create such an elaborate scam? Fletcher must have spent weeks going through all the prep work.
Kate Beckett: I can give you 50,000 reasons why.
Richard Castle: Yeah, but for con men, it's not just about the money. I mean, for them, it's about the game. The... the thrill they get from pulling a con, it's like a drug high.
Captain Roy Montgomery: [approaching] Con man was on drugs?
Kate Beckett: No, sir. Castle is just giving us psychological insight based on his extensive experience as a fraud.


"Castle: Setup (#3.16)" (2011)
DHS Agent Mark Fallon: [Giving a presentation] Thank you, Captain. Alright, folks, here's what we know. Amir Alhabi built a bomb in storage unit C412. It's a dirty bomb, designed to explode and disburse a highly radioactive Cobalt 60. That bomb is missing...
Kevin Ryan: Called Jenny to tell her I'd be late. Tried to get her to go visit her mom.
Javier Esposito: Yeah, I did the same thing with Lanie. Didn't work. She hates her mom.


"Castle: The Way of the Ninja (#6.18)" (2014)
Javier Esposito: [leaving a Japanese gentlemen's club] It cost you 6K and we got nothing to show for it.
Richard Castle: I wouldn't say that.
Kevin Ryan: You mean besides lipstick marks on your shirt.
Richard Castle: I actually got a lead in there that's gonna blow this case wide... oh, oh, wait. Lipstick marks? On my shirt? Where? Beckett'll kill me. OH MY GOD! I didn't call! You guys, Beckett *is* going to kill me.
[Castle pulls his phone out of his pocket; before he can dial, a throwing star sticks into the screen]
Richard Castle: Ninja attack.


"Castle: Law & Murder (#3.19)" (2011)
Kevin Ryan: "Cowards die many times before their death. The valiant never taste of death but once."
Javier Esposito: Bro, you're not Castle.
Kevin Ryan: Yeah, I know I'm not Castle.
Javier Esposito: Then stop trying to talk like him.
Kevin Ryan: What, I'm not allowed to reference the Bard? I'm a renaissance man.
Javier Esposito: Memorizing one quote does not make you a renaissance man.
Kevin Ryan: What if I memorize two?
Javier Esposito: Have you? Memorized two?
Kevin Ryan: No. But what if I did?
Javier Esposito: Depends on the quote.


"Castle: Limelight (#6.13)" (2014)
Kate Beckett: [approaching Lanie and the body] OD?
Lanie Parish: Given her lifestyle, you'd think, but this is plain old-fashioned murder. Blunt force trauma to the back of the head. The facial lacerations probably happened with the fall.
Kate Beckett: Okay, when did this happen?
Lanie Parish: Lividity puts it between nine and eleven last night.
Javier Esposito: Well, we can cut that time frame in half. Doorman said that the limo driver dropped her off at the lobby last night at ten p.m.
Kate Beckett: She was killed within an hour of returning home?
Richard Castle: What was she doing back here?
Javier Esposito: Doorman didn't know, but he said that she uses that door sometimes when she wants to avoid the crowd.
Richard Castle: So... maybe she was sneaking out or meeting someone?
Kevin Ryan: If so, it was probably someone she knew. Gates are locked on both sides, and you need an access code to get in.
Kate Beckett: Is there any security cam footage we can pull?
Kevin Ryan: Not back here.
Richard Castle: Ironic, seeing as how she spent her entire life in front of cameras.


"Castle: A Chill Goes Through Her Veins (#1.5)" (2009)
Richard Castle: There's got to be an explanation. A story that makes everything make sense.
Kate Beckett: Okay, Castle. What's our Jane Doe's story?
Richard Castle: Well, I don't know how it starts, but I know how it ends. Frozen at a construction site. So, flying monkeys aside, what's the first question? How did she get there?
Kevin Ryan: Considering she was frozen solid, she had to have been kept pretty close.
Richard Castle: Not necessarily.
[pointing to a map on the board]
Richard Castle: Here is the site. Her body might not have been kept as close as you might think. It takes a long time for a frozen body to thaw.
Kevin Ryan: What, you, uh, freeze a body once for one of your books?
Richard Castle: No. But I cooked a turkey for Thanksgiving. It was a twenty-eight pounder. It took all night to unfreeze.
Kate Beckett: She's a person, Castle. Not a turkey.
Richard Castle: Just making a point.