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: Daddy, will you get some Christmas music on the radio? Amos Jones
: Why, darlin', this is the very best Christmas music you could get! They're going to sing, "The Lord's Prayer".
: But what does "The Lord's Prayer" mean, Daddy? Amos Jones
: Well, you just be real quiet and I'll explain it to you. The first line of "The Lord's Prayer" is this: "Our Father who art in heaven..." That means, 'Father of all that is good, where no wrong can dwell...'
: "For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen." Now that means, darlin', that all the world and everything in it belongs to God's kingdom. Everything - your mommy, your daddy, your little brother, your sister, your grandma, you and everybody. And as we know that and act as if we know it - that, my darling daughter, is the real spirit of Christmas.
] Amos Jones
] This is Amos. To a lot of people, eight o'clock in the morning is time for gettin' up, gettin' dressed, and going. But to the Kingfish, eight A.M. is just a halfway mark in a good night's sleep. At least, that's the way it was 'til this morning.
Andrew 'Andy' Hogg Brown
: I'm goin' home and wait for the end. Amos Jones
: Uh, wait a minute, Andy. I don't know what's wrong with you, but if you's as sick as you act, you oughta go see a doctor. Andrew 'Andy' Hogg Brown
: I think it's too late, Amos. I feels like they're riggin' up my mortis already.
] Amos Jones
: Well, folks, here comes Andy down the street, and he's wondering what the light is doin' on at the lodge hall at this time of night. Well, we'll soon find out.
: Hello, folks. I'm Amos. It's funny how big arguments start over little things. Take my friend, the Kingfish, and his wife, Sapphire. Now, the other morning at breakfast, Sapphire didn't know it, but the first act of aggression was when she put the eggs in front of George.
] Amos Jones
: [voice-over, as we watch two hoods blow open a safe at the Universal Investment Co
] Hello, folks. This is Amos. You know it's strange that something that happened five years ago and three-thousand miles away from New York could ever affect the Kingfish and Andy, but believe it or not - it did.
] Amos Jones
: This is Amos. Well, right now, me and Andy is in the taxi cab goin' down Amsterdam Avenue headed for the lodge hall. We just got a call from the Kingfish sayin' to rush over there as fast as we could. It was a matter of life and death.
] With Mr. Smithers comin' up to call at 8, the Kingfish didn't want to take no chances with his mother-in-law. George 'Kingfish' Stevens
: That's right, Madam Olga, I'm bringin' my mother-in-law into your beauty parlor here this afternoon for a complete overhaul job. Madam Olga
: Well, you make it sound like a big project. George 'Kingfish' Stevens
: Well, Madam Olga, I'm gonna give ya the problem with my mother-in-law. Have you ever been down to the beach and seen a grapefruit washed up on the sand, one that's been in the water for three or four weeks and then washed up and left to dry in the sun for a few days? Madam Olga
: Yes. George 'Kingfish' Stevens
: Well, if you can get her lookin' that good, I'll be satisfied.
: [learning that Sapphire may be having an affair
] I can't believe she'd do a thing like this, but I guess Sapphire feels that by falling in love, again, she can recapture her youth. Andrew 'Andy' Hogg Brown
: I don't know, Amos. It's gonna be pretty hard to capture anything that got away that long ago.
: [on the phone with his girlfriend
] Hello, Ruby - - dis here is Amos. Andy
: Da guy wid da EGG-SHAPED HEAD. Amos
: [absent-mindedly repeating what Andy just said
] Da guy wid da egg-shaped head - - I mean, I mean - - sorry, Ruby... hold da phone a sec. Andy, will you please leeme 'lone? You is getting me messed up. Sorry 'bout that, hunny - - Andy got me messed up dere... Oh, yeah, Ruby... I LIKES to dance wid YOU -... Andy
: [in a casual monotone
] Da gal wid da BIG FEET. Amos
: [again unconsciously repeating what Andy just said
] The gal wid da big feet - - I mean, I mean - - sorry about dat, Ruby... Andy got me messed up that time. Anyway, I would love to go dancing with you. Well listen, Ruby -... Andy
: [again interjecting a deadpan comment
] Will you shut up? Amos
: [again mindlessly parroting Andy's remark
] Will you shut up? I mean, I mean - - oh-waaah... oh-waaaah... oh-waaah. Hold on a second, Ruby. Andy, will you PLEASE let me alone? Sorry, hunny... Andy got me messed up again. Well, listen, Ruby -... Andy
: [in a snide mumble
] You big fat head Amos
: You big fat head. I mean, oh- wauhh, oh-wauhh, oh-wauhh. Hold on a sec, hunny. Andy... will you pleeeeeeeease leeme 'lone? All you is doing is gettin' me all muh-muh-mih-muh-miggs-mixed up! Andy
: Well, okay, but remember that that is a BUSINESS TELEPHONE. Amos
: Oh, I know that, but you don't need to holler at me ALL da time - -!
[speaking back into the phone again
: Sorry about that, hunny... I just got messed up again. Hello Andy; shut up, Ruby - - I mean... ohh-WAAAAAHH... oh-WAAAAAHHHH... oh-WAAAAAAAAHHH... Andy
: I mean, hello, Ruby... sorry about all that; Andy got me messed up again. Well, anyway, yeah, I really will look forward to seeing you at that dance tonight.
] Amos Jones
: Hello, folks. This is Amos. Well, that gal you see there throwin' things in the suitcase is the Kingfish's wife, Sapphire. Yas'sir, she's walked out on the old Kingfish on a lot of different occasions. For instance, there was the time last September when he came home at two o'clock in the morning.