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Quotes for
Patty (Character)
from "My Name Is Earl" (2005)

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"My Name Is Earl: Dad's Car (#1.18)" (2006)
Patty: [Starting a drag race] Alright, let's get this show on the road! I've got an appointment with a guy who likes to suck on my feet!

Earl: I won, Billy. The car's mine.
Billy Reed: Fine, you get the car, but it was a close race; I still got my dignity.
Patty: Hey Billy! Is it OK if I cancel your appointment to suck my feet? I'm just not feeling it anymore.


"My Name Is Earl: BB (#1.23)" (2006)
Prosecutor: The prosecution will show that the defendant was taking money in exchange for sex at the Rainbow Burger drive-thru.
Patty: That's a lie! I wasn't taking money for sex, I was taking burgers for sex. And curly fries for a diddle and a pickle for a lookie.

[to the judge after receiving a $500 fine]
Patty: Any chance you want to take that $500 out in trade? I'll let you take a ride on the Patty wagon.


"My Name Is Earl: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)
Patty: I tried, Earl. I did! Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob!


"My Name Is Earl: Monkeys Take a Bath (#4.2)" (2008)
Earl Hickey: Dad said there was one other woman in town that flirted with him. The waitress at the diner. So we headed over to give him one more chance.
Carl Hickey: [Getting out of the car] You stay here. I think those other women would have been game if I hadn't had my son with me. I think it creeped them out a little.
Earl Hickey: [Narrating] I wan't my dad to feel better but I was hoping he wouldn't find a girl. I was also hoping he didn't get hit again because he was out of socks and I'd been wearing mine for a week.
Carl Hickey: [Very excited heads back out to Earl waiting in the car] She's coming out as soon as she freshens up. I told you this was a slamdunk! I'm running across the street for condoms.
Earl Hickey: Da-da-da-Dad, Dad wait! We really should talk about this. Ah- I don't know if I'm cool with this actually happening!
[Yelling after Carl in the parking lot]
Earl Hickey: [Earl his the bell tinkle and turns toward the restaurant] Patty?
Patty: Ha-Hey Earl!
Earl Hickey: When did you start working here?
Patty: Oh. A couple months ago I had to pickup a second job. My hookin' took a bit of a hit when Bush
[Then President Bush]
Patty: monkeyed with the daylight savings schedule.
Carl Hickey: [Carl slaps a box of condoms down on the pharmacy counter]
[With a cocky jaunt of the head]
Carl Hickey: I'll be needing these for use this evening with a young lady who delivers on the promises she makes with her eyes.
Diana: I thought you needed the largest kind we had.
[Snarky]
Carl Hickey: Just ring it up, pecker-tease...
Earl Hickey: [Back to Earl and Patty] Listen I just don't know if sex with a hooker is what my dad'd lookin for. Not that your not great... I've heard wonderful things...
Patty: Thanks. Word of mouth is very important in my line of work. It's right up there with eye contact and concealing sores.
Carl Hickey: [Carl approaches stage right] Hello! I see you met my son! I just had to run across the street for a few personal items. And a little something for you!
[Hands Patty a heart-shaped box of candy]
Patty: Thank you!
[Patty immediately turns the candy box over]
Patty: Oh, they have nuts in 'em! Oh, that's sweet but some of my clients have allergies so I need to keep this
[Patty circles her mouth with her index finger]
Patty: a peanut free zone.
[Hands nuts back to Carl]
Earl Hickey: Dad, Patty's a hooker.
Carl Hickey: [In denial] No... no... no... no... No she's not she's a waitress. A waitress who flirts with me.
Patty: Daytime hooker, nighttime waitress.
Carl Hickey: Dammit! This was not how this was supposed to work! It's not revenge sex if I have to pay for it!
Patty: [as Carl and Earl get into the car] If you change your mind sometimes I have coupons in the Penny Saver. It says massage, but...
Carl Hickey: I'm not changing my mind!
[Slamming car door]


"My Name Is Earl: Joy's Wedding (#1.8)" (2005)
Joy: It's so hot in here I'm sweating like a whore in church; no offense, Patty.
Patty: None taken; I don't go to church.


"My Name Is Earl: Our 'Cops' Is On! (#2.12)" (2007)
[Patty has her hand inside a soda machine]
Officer Bobbi Bowman: Are you stuck again Patty?
Patty: No. I'm just trying to get my hand cold for a client who's into dead people.