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: [Starting a drag race
] Alright, let's get this show on the road! I've got an appointment with a guy who likes to suck on my feet!
: I won, Billy. The car's mine. Billy Reed
: Fine, you get the car, but it was a close race; I still got my dignity. Patty
: Hey Billy! Is it OK if I cancel your appointment to suck my feet? I'm just not feeling it anymore.
: The prosecution will show that the defendant was taking money in exchange for sex at the Rainbow Burger drive-thru. Patty
: That's a lie! I wasn't taking money for sex, I was taking burgers for sex. And curly fries for a diddle and a pickle for a lookie.
[to the judge after receiving a $500 fine
: Any chance you want to take that $500 out in trade? I'll let you take a ride on the Patty wagon.
: I tried, Earl. I did! Towards the end I even pulled out my good boob!
: Dad said there was one other woman in town that flirted with him. The waitress at the diner. So we headed over to give him one more chance. Carl Hickey
: [Getting out of the car
] You stay here. I think those other women would have been game if I hadn't had my son with me. I think it creeped them out a little. Earl Hickey
] I wan't my dad to feel better but I was hoping he wouldn't find a girl. I was also hoping he didn't get hit again because he was out of socks and I'd been wearing mine for a week. Carl Hickey
: [Very excited heads back out to Earl waiting in the car
] She's coming out as soon as she freshens up. I told you this was a slamdunk! I'm running across the street for condoms. Earl Hickey
: Da-da-da-Dad, Dad wait! We really should talk about this. Ah- I don't know if I'm cool with this actually happening!
[Yelling after Carl in the parking lot
] Earl Hickey
: [Earl his the bell tinkle and turns toward the restaurant
] Patty? Patty
: Ha-Hey Earl! Earl Hickey
: When did you start working here? Patty
: Oh. A couple months ago I had to pickup a second job. My hookin' took a bit of a hit when Bush
[Then President Bush
: monkeyed with the daylight savings schedule. Carl Hickey
: [Carl slaps a box of condoms down on the pharmacy counter
[With a cocky jaunt of the head
] Carl Hickey
: I'll be needing these for use this evening with a young lady who delivers on the promises she makes with her eyes. Diana
: I thought you needed the largest kind we had.
] Carl Hickey
: Just ring it up, pecker-tease... Earl Hickey
: [Back to Earl and Patty
] Listen I just don't know if sex with a hooker is what my dad'd lookin for. Not that your not great... I've heard wonderful things... Patty
: Thanks. Word of mouth is very important in my line of work. It's right up there with eye contact and concealing sores. Carl Hickey
: [Carl approaches stage right
] Hello! I see you met my son! I just had to run across the street for a few personal items. And a little something for you!
[Hands Patty a heart-shaped box of candy
: Thank you!
[Patty immediately turns the candy box over
: Oh, they have nuts in 'em! Oh, that's sweet but some of my clients have allergies so I need to keep this
[Patty circles her mouth with her index finger
: a peanut free zone.
[Hands nuts back to Carl
] Earl Hickey
: Dad, Patty's a hooker. Carl Hickey
: [In denial
] No... no... no... no... No she's not she's a waitress. A waitress who flirts with me. Patty
: Daytime hooker, nighttime waitress. Carl Hickey
: Dammit! This was not how this was supposed to work! It's not revenge sex if I have to pay for it! Patty
: [as Carl and Earl get into the car
] If you change your mind sometimes I have coupons in the Penny Saver. It says massage, but... Carl Hickey
: I'm not changing my mind!
[Slamming car door
: It's so hot in here I'm sweating like a whore in church; no offense, Patty. Patty
: None taken; I don't go to church.
[Patty has her hand inside a soda machine
] Officer Bobbi Bowman
: Are you stuck again Patty? Patty
: No. I'm just trying to get my hand cold for a client who's into dead people.