No Photo Available
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C. (Character)
from "Rumpole of the Bailey" (1978)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole on Trial (#7.6)" (1992)
Samuel Ballard Q.C.: Ah, judge. This is a great day for Equity Court. We're celebrating Mrs. Claude Erskine-Brown elevated to the bench...
Mr. Justice Graves: Yes...
Samuel Ballard Q.C.: ...and her husband in silk.
Mr. Justice Graves: [Taken by surprise] Claude Erskine-Brown?
[With total disdain]
Mr. Justice Graves: They must be giving away silk gowns with pounds of tea!

[last lines]
Mr. Justice Graves: [referring to Rumpole] Will he never learn?
Samuel Ballard Q.C.: [With grudging affection] I'm afraid, never!

[Ballard is defending Rumpole at the disciplinary tribunal]
Samuel Ballard Q.C.: You are known in some quarters as "The Quality of Mercy". Now if there were to be a most humble, contrite apology...
Mr. Justice Oliphant: Rumpole would rather be disbarred than apologise to me.
Samuel Ballard Q.C.: But if he would...
Mr. Justice Oliphant: [gleefully] If he would, it would give him more genuine grief and pain than anything else in the world. I'd enjoy seeing that, I really would.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Age of Miracles (#5.3)" (1988)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard Q.C.: I believe it is the first time in our long history, Rumpole, that these chambers have contained... a chancellor!
[Rumpole is so shocked, he sits down]
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard Q.C.: Yes, Rumpole, unworthy as I am.
Horace Rumpole: [regaining his composure] Well, that's the understatement of the year!

Horace Rumpole: I happen to have a good deal of faith.
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard Q.C.: Yes, in what precisely?
Horace Rumpole: The health-giving qualities of claret, of course, the presumption of innocence, and not having to clock into chambers in the morning.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Right to Silence (#6.3)" (1991)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: [Nervously] Yes...Rumpole, what's your opinion about secrets in married life?
Horace Rumpole: Absolutely essential!

Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: I mean, Rumpole, how do you find marriage?
Horace Rumpole: [laughs] In my experience, you don't find it - it finds you. It comes creeping up unexpectedly and seizes you by the collar.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole for the Prosecution (#6.6)" (1991)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: The danger here is passive alcoholism. You have heard of passive smoking?
Horace Rumpole: Yes, I heard of it, but personally I prefer the active variety.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Barrow Boy (#5.2)" (1988)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: His marriage is on the rocks, Rumpole, and when a fellow's marriage is on the rocks, he can't always be trusted with a cheque.
Claude Erskine-Brown: Indeed.
Horace Rumpole: Oh, really? How's your marriage, Ballard?
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: Well, you know perfectly well, Rumpole, I'm a bachelor.
Horace Rumpole: Then aren't you in the position of a lifelong vegetarian giving us your recipe for steak and kidney pie?

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Children of the Devil (#7.1)" (1992)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard Q.C.: Rumpole, there is something in this room that makes me feel uneasy.
Horace Rumpole: Yes I know - but perhaps you'll be going in a minute.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Official Secret (#4.3)" (1987)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: Look here, Rumpole, I would advise you to take this matter seriously!
Horace Rumpole: [angrily] And I would advise you, Bollard, if you can find a taxidermist willing to undertake the work, to get stuffed!

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Tap End (#5.4)" (1988)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard Q.C.: I told him Guthrie was a perfectly charming chap, of course.
Claude Erskine-Brown: Oh, perfectly charming, no doubt about that!
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard Q.C.: But as a judge, perhaps he lacks judgement.
Claude Erskine-Brown: Yes, which is a pretty important quality in a judge.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Summer of Discontent (#6.2)" (1991)
[Rumpole walks into Ballard's office, to find all his colleagues sat round a table]
Horace Rumpole: Oh no! Not *another* chambers meeting!
Samuel Ballard Q.C.: In the new age of efficiency at the Bar, Rumpole, it might be more appropriate to call it a board meeting.
Horace Rumpole: Quite right. I'm bored to tears already.

"Rumpole of the Bailey: Rumpole and the Quacks (#6.5)" (1991)
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: I think you were away sick when we agreed to take her on.
Horace Rumpole: Oh, I was dying.
Samuel 'Soapy Sam' Ballard, Q.C.: [Smiling] Really?
Horace Rumpole: I changed my mind.