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: Please be seated. This will be brief, as I'm needed at the Oval Office. I'd like to call your attention to this morning's New York Times. If you'll turn to the editorial page? It essentially says that every weapon we produce is an over-priced piece of junk. Now, that's not news, critics have said it for years. What was news to me touched on our supposedly "spectacular" Sergeant York Anti-Aircraft Gun. It says there that when the Sergeant York proved incapable of hitting airplanes, we test-fired it at hovering helicopters. When it failed to hit hovering helicopters, we test-fired it at stationary targets, and it missed those. Now is this possible, General Keane? Keane
: There was a problem with the proximity fusing. Caspar Weinberger
: According to this, one missile locked on to a ventilation fan in the latrine, and destroyed the latrine! Were we test-firing at latrines that day?
: Frankly, I don't appreciate calls from reporters and congressmen asking me why nothing we are working on works and I can't answer them because the men in charge of developing these systems tell me everything is just peachy.
: Why am I learning about these things in the newspaper? It makes me look foolish, and I am not a foolish man!
: I take it you've read today's Washington Post, referring to, quote, a "high-ranking Pentagon source"? Major General Partridge
: Yes, indeed. And, like you, I am shocked that any officer within the Pentagon would... Caspar Weinberger
: Leaks within the Pentagon, General, are how I get most of my information. Major General Partridge
: Mr. Secretary, are you suggesting that the Pentagon has been less than forthcoming? Caspar Weinberger
: "Less than forthcoming"? Then perhaps you can explain to me why I have to learn from the press, that the man in charge of testing the Bradley Fighting Vehicle has been fired!
: [Weinberger's phone buzzes
] Yes? Weinberger's Aide
: Congressman Stratton is on the phone. Caspar Weinberger
: [picks up
] Sam, what can I do for you? What article? Oh, that article! Yes... no, completely untrue, of course. File it under "creative journalism." I'm looking into it now, you'll be the first to know. Right... right. My best to Ellen.
] Caspar Weinberger
: General, I want a full update on the Bradley, and I want it in writing. Major General Partridge
: Right away, sir. Caspar Weinberger
: [points angrily at the phone
] *That* is the *last* call I expect to receive on this matter! From Congressman Stratton, or from anyone else on the Hill. Do I make myself clear, General? Major General Partridge
: [smiling nervously