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: [Shatner has given them the access codes to Skywalker Ranch
] How did you score all of this? William Shatner
: Are you kidding? I'm William Shatner; I can score anything. Eric
: How about Jeri Ryan's panties?
: [Linus gives the Doctor a big kiss
] I love you. Doctor
: I know.
: [as Stormtrooper
] Halloween just got awesome, bitches! Linus
: [as Stormtrooper
] Prepare for the entrance of Lord Vader. Windows
: [as Darth Vader
] Give yourself to the Dark Side. It's the only way you can save your...
: I met her in a Jedi chatroom. The woman is perfect. She's intelligent and acerbic, and a die-hard fan. She's even got connections inside the Lucas camp. Linus
: Who's also got a man package and a goatee. Windows
: You guys are all just jealous because she describes herself as a cross between Sarah Michelle Gellar and Janeane Garafolo. Hutch
: Tell 'em how you described yourself. Windows
: I was perfectly honest with her. Linus
: You said you look like a white Billy Dee Williams. You called yourself white chocolate. Windows
: I *am* white chocolate.
: Official Episode 1 countdown is six months, 12 days, eight hours and some change. Windows
: I would sell my soul to see that movie right here right now. Hutch
: Dude, I would sell my left nut. And I only have the one nut. So you see how serious I am?
: I was wondering what did Sulu find in Captain Kirk's lavatory. Admiral Seasholtz
: Sulu clearly found a standard issue Starfleet Z23 personal refuse device. Linus
: I believe it was the Captain's log.
: Okay. Hilarious, everyone. Looks like we got more Lucas hounds here to mock Roddenberry. Congratulations, gentleman, but I would like to see your Darth Vader take on one Borg drone. And we'll see who's laughing then. Am I right? Windows
: Darth Vader can put the entire Borg collective in a vice grip with his mind. Admiral Seasholtz
: Uh, Darth Vader has asthma, so name me one Star Trek character with a respiratory disease, 'cause I'm drawing a blank. Linus
: Name me one Star Wars character who's gay. Hutch
: Beside's you. Admiral Seasholtz
: Well, no one's gay in Star Trek, so why would I even do that? Linus
: Captain Picard. Admiral Seasholtz
: Okay. Captain Picard is not gay. He's British. Windows
: [in a swishy voice
] Come on. "Make it so!"
: Linus. Hey, stop walking. Linus! Hold up, man! Stop. What the hell, man? I did nothing to you. Linus
: Exactly. You did nothing. Absolutely nothing. Eric Bottler graduates high school and never looks back. You bailed on our plan, Bottler! Eric
: What plan? To be the next big thing in comics? Come on, man. That was never gonna happen. I did what I had to do, dude. I grew up. I'm the only one who did. Look at you guys. Linus
: You know, you could fool anybody with this cheap suit, salesman-of-the-year pitch. But I know you better than anybody and deep down, you are one miserable son of a bitch.
[after having landed in the garbage disposal room
: I have a bad feeling about this. Hutch
: Um, you guys don't think that the, um... Linus
: We are in George Lucas' trash room. Eric
: Don't be ridiculous, okay? The walls are not gonna close in on us.
[the walls begin to move in
: Who's up for Texas, boys?
: [yelling at Eric as he drives off
] They were siblings. They were siblings, you sick bastard!
: Hey, Bottler, hit 'em with the pressed ham! Eric
: Klingon to this.
[Eric moons the Trekkers
: I'm telling you, man. I took that Vulcan down hard. I rolled him into the dirt like he was my frickin tauntaun. Eric
: Tauntaun, my ass. If it wasn't for me, you guys would all be dead. Windows
: What fight were you watching? I was channeling the emperor. Linus
: The emperor? I don't remember the emperor crapping his robe and screaming "time-out." Eric
: Oh, my God. That's right. Windows
: There is such a thing as time-out. Hutch
: [imitating The Emperor
] I can feel your anger growing inside. Wait. Time-out.
: We have to strip to Menudo? Thick-Necked Thug
: You got a problem with Menudo? Now, take it off!
: The Chief fixed it while you boys were asleep. Eric
: The Chief fixed it. Is he around? Can we thank him? Linus
: He's the Chief. You're the Chief, aren't you? Why didn't you say so? The Chief
: The Chief likes to refer to himself in the third person. It causes confusion, especially with the bitches.