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Quotes for
Captain Wellington Crowther (Character)
from Carry on Cruising (1962)

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Carry on Cruising (1962)
Captain: Flo! Ebb a bit.

Marjoribanks: I always find the first few days make me feel quite drowsy.
Captain: Shut your port-hole.
Marjoribanks: Begging your pardon, sir, one must have fresh...
Captain: ...and your cake-hole.

Captain: Paperwork: not my favourite occupation.
Marjoribanks: Nor mine.
Captain: It's going to be from now on.
Marjoribanks: Charming.
Captain: Health Report, Dock Report, Crew Report, Food Report, Log Report, Sports Report, Diesel Oil and Fuel Report.
Marjoribanks: [singing:] And a partridge in a pear tree!

Captain: I'm going to be blunt, and make some very cutting remarks.
Marjoribanks: To be sure, sir, that's a contradiction in terms, but then English is a very curious language!
Captain: If you interrupt me once more, Mr....?
Marjoribanks: Marjoribanks, sir.
Captain: You interrupt me once more, mate, and you'll hear some really curious language!

[Captain Crowther enters his cabin, and finds Tom Tree putting clothes in the drawers]
Captain: Don't tell me. You're my new steward. Lovall has broken his leg. You've only done three trips, all from Tower Bridge to Margate.
Tom Tree: That's right, sir. How can you tell?
Captain: I'm psychic!
[Glances at his list]
Captain: Tom Tree.
Tom Tree: That's right, sir. Branches everywhere!

Captain: [Walking into bar] Who are you?
Sam Turner, Barman: Me, sir? Turner, sir.
Captain: Turner?
Sam Turner, Barman: Turner, sir.
Captain: What are you doin' 'ere?
Sam Turner, Barman: Head barman, sir.
Captain: You can't be head barman. Angus is my head barman.
Sam Turner, Barman: [Smiling] Not anymore, sir.
Captain: Not any more? They can't do this to me! Changing a barman? It's like ripping out the engine!