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Quotes for
Sheriff Rollins (Character)
from "Monk" (2002)

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"Monk: Mr. Monk Is on the Run: Part II (#6.16)" (2008)
Natalie Teeger: Oh, God! Why didn't you tell me?
Adrian Monk: To protect you. We thought Rollins might be watching you.
Natalie Teeger: Oh, that's ridiculous! Why would Rollins...?
Sheriff John Rollins: [appears] Adrian, don't move a muscle! Show me your hands! You too, Ms. Teeger. Oh, you are knee-deep in it now, buddy.
Natalie Teeger: You're the one who's in trouble! We know all about how you framed Mr. Monk and switched the gun barrels!
[Monk shushes her]
Natalie Teeger: If anybody is going to prison, it is you!
Adrian Monk: [dryly] Thanks for stopping by, Natalie.
Sheriff John Rollins: Let me tell you about the *real* world, Natalie. It's never about what happened, it's always, can you *prove* what happened?

Sheriff John Rollins: All right, Adrian, we've done this before. On the ground, face down.
[Monk starts to lie down, then yells and kicks an oil drum at Rollins. It rolls, *very* slowly, before coming to a stop a few inches short of Rollins's feet]
Sheriff John Rollins: ...What was that?
Adrian Monk: It was, uh... supposed to... supposed to go faster.

Dale 'The Whale' Biederbeck: Make me happy.
Sheriff John Rollins: She's on the move. Looks like a real road trip. She took her daughter to a neighbor's and packed a suitcase.
Dale 'The Whale' Biederbeck: Stay-with-her. She'll lead you right to him.
Sheriff John Rollins: What do I do when I find him?
Dale 'The Whale' Biederbeck: Do you really have to ask?
Sheriff John Rollins: No, sir. I do not.

[Stottlemeyer defuses the bomb under the Governor's car, then addresses the Governor's bodyguards holding Monk]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Could you take your hands off my friend, please? He's had a rough day.
[They release him, while Disher handcuffs Rollins]
Lt. Randall Disher: You have the right to remain silent...
Sheriff Rollins: Yeah, I know all that stuff. Let's just get the hell out of here.
[Monk looks at the Governor and his wife, who nod at him, gratefully. Monk nods back, then collapses into Stottlemeyer's arms]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [patting him on the back] Good job. Good job.

[Natalie breaks out of hiding, runs through the crowd, and attempts to climb up to reach the trigger on the detonator. Sheriff Rollins's deputies seize her and drag her down]
Sheriff John Rollins: [to his deputies] Drag her down.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [walks up with Disher] John Rollins! You're under arrest for murder, and conspiracy to commit.
Lt. Randall Disher: We know that you're working for Biederbeck, and that you framed Monk!
Sheriff John Rollins: Hey! You're under arrest! Obstruction of justice, aiding and abetting!
[to his deputies]
Sheriff John Rollins: Arrest him!
Lt. Randall Disher: [the deputies attempt to seize him] Get your hands off me!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [as the deputies seize him] I'm a Captain with the San Francisco Police Department! Arrest him!
[By that, he means Rollins]
Sheriff John Rollins: He's out of his jurisdiction! Arrest him!
[Referring to Stottlemeyer]
Natalie Teeger: Captain! The trigger is in the banner!

Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [walks into his office with Disher and notices Rollins reclining in his chair] Sheriff Rollins, make yourself at home.
Sheriff John Rollins: You read the paper today?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: I did. I read the sports page, and did the jumble.
Sheriff John Rollins: Nah, not the jumble. This. Page 5.
[points to an article with the headline "Unidentified Body Found in Avalon Bay."]
Sheriff John Rollins: Male Caucasian. 5'1''.
Lt. Randall Disher: Is it Monk?
Sheriff John Rollins: No. It's not Monk. I was at the morgue last night. Guy had a tattoo. I thought it was strange.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What was strange?
Sheriff John Rollins: Well. I'll tell you what was strange.
[Gets up and walks over to Stottlemeyer]
Sheriff John Rollins: You weren't there. Bulletin was sent in. It was in the daily log. You must have read it. Well, I'll be sticking around the campus for a few more days, in case anything else washes up.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: We can use all the help we can get.
Sheriff John Rollins: We've all got to suffer.
[He leaves]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [Puts on an armband, and notices that Randy looking at him suspiciously] What?
Lt. Randall Disher: That's a good question. Why didn't you check it out?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Because I was busy. I was turning over rocks.
[takes out a file]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Trying to get a beat on that son-of-a-bitch.
[hands the file on Rollins over to Randy]
Lt. Randall Disher: [reading file] He just bought a second house near Catalina.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: And a new BMW and look at this.
[turns a few more pages]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: He's got two offshore bank accounts - on a sheriff's salary. Randy, that guy is dirty and I can smell it.


"Monk: Mr. Monk Is on the Run: Part 1 (#6.15)" (2008)
Adrian Monk: I didn't shoot him. He was my only lead. I'd have to be crazy!
Sheriff Rollins: Yeah, well, if "I'd have to be crazy" was a valid defense, we could rent our jails out for birthday parties.

Detective #1: He made it across the river. He could be here.
[points to a location on the map]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: What is this?
Detective #1: That's a dairy farm.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [scoffs] I don't think so.
[Monk would not consider hiding out at a dairy farm]
Sheriff Rollins: [walks into the police station] Captain, call the phone company. We're going to need to wiretap.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: On who?
Sheriff Rollins: Dr. Charles Kroger downtown. Monk's shrink.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I know.
Sheriff Rollins: Sees him four times a week if you believe that! Guy's a one-man psych board!
[notices that Stottlemeyer is skeptical]
Sheriff Rollins: You got a problem?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Well, tapping a shrink's phone. You're never going to get a judge to sign...
Sheriff Rollins: [hands over a sheet] Already done.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: [reading paper] "Office of the Lieutenant Governor."
Sheriff Rollins: Yeah, he's an old friend. We used to sneak cigarettes behind high school together.