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Quotes for
Tobacconist (Character)
from And Now for Something Completely Different (1971)

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"Monty Python's Flying Circus: Spam (#2.12)" (1970)
Hungarian Immigrant: [reading from book] I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: No no no, this is a Tobacconist's.
Hungarian Immigrant, Tobacconist: Ah!
Hungarian Immigrant: I will not buy this Tobacconist's, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: No no no no. Tobacco, um... cigarettes.
[Holds up pack of cigarettes]
Hungarian Immigrant: Ah, cig- cigarettes.
[looks in book]
Hungarian Immigrant: My hovercraft is full of eels.
Tobacconist: What?
Hungarian Immigrant: My hovercraft
[mimes holding a cigarette]
Hungarian Immigrant: is full of eels
[mimes stricking a match]
Tobacconist: Oh, matches, matches...
Hungarian Immigrant: Yah!
[looks in book]
Hungarian Immigrant: Do you want... Do you want to come back to my place. Bouncy bouncy!
Tobacconist: I don't think you're using that right.
Hungarian Immigrant: You great poof!
Tobacconist: Uh... That'll be six and six, please.
Hungarian Immigrant: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? I... I am no longer infected.
Tobacconist: May I see that?
[takes book from Hungarian, looks through it]
Tobacconist: Yander levasa gadenui stravenka.
[Hungarian punches him]
Police Officer: [comes running in] What's goin' on 'ere, then?
Hungarian Immigrant: Ah!
[looks in book]
Hungarian Immigrant: You have beautiful thighs.
Police Officer: [looks at his thighs, then up again] What?
Tobacconist: [pointing at Hungarian] He hit me!
Hungarian Immigrant: Drop your panties, Sir William.
[points at Tobacconist]
Hungarian Immigrant: I cannot wait 'til lunchtime.
Police Officer: Right!
[arrests Hungarian]
Hungarian Immigrant: My nipples explode with delight!


And Now for Something Completely Different (1971)
Hungarian man: [consulting phrase book] I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: What?
Hungarian man: I will not buy this record, it is scratched.
Tobacconist: No, no, this is a tobacconist.
Hungarian man: Ah! I will not buy this tobacconist, *it* is scratched!
Tobacconist: No, no, tobacco... cigarettes.
Hungarian man: Cigarettes? Ya ya.
[consulting phrase book]
Hungarian man: Ah... my hovercraft is full of eels.
Tobacconist: What?
Hungarian man: My hovercraft is full of eels.
Tobacconist: Matches?
Hungarian man: Ya ya! Do you want... do you want... to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
Tobacconist: That will be six shillings, please.
Hungarian man: If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me... I am no longer infected.