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Quotes for
Teen #1 (Character)
from Clerks II (2006)

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Clerks II (2006)
Teen #1: You guys holding?
Jay: Shit, everything but coke, heroin and your cock.
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: How 'bout a nickel bag, man?
Jay: [singing] Oh, fifteen bucks, little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong, nong, ning-a ning-a nong nong!
Teen #1: [to friend] He likes to sing.

Teen #1: [about Jay and Silent Bob] I like 'em man, they're funny.
Teen #2: They're fucking stupid.

Jay: You know, sometimes I wish I'd done a little more with my life instead of hangin' out in front of places, selling weed and shit. Like maybe be an animal doctor. Why not me? I like seals and shit. Or maybe be an astronaut. Yeah. And be the first motherfucker to see a new galaxy. Or find a new alien life form... And fuck it. And people would be like "There he goes. Homeboy fucked a martian once."
[Silent Bob looks at him weirdly, before two teenage drug buyers start to approach them]
Jay: Holy shit out first customers since our triumph of return, act cool.
Teen #1: You guys holdin'?
Jay: Yeah, everything but coke, heroin and your cock.
Teen #2: What?
Teen #1: How about a nicklebag?
Jay: [Improvised rapping] Oh, fifteen bucks little man, put that shit in my hand. Nong-nong-nonga-nonga-nong-nong.
[Teen #2 gives Silent Bob $15, who exchanges it for a nicklebag of weed]
Teen #1: So, ahh, haven't seen you guys in a while. Where've you been all this time?
Jay: Me and Silent Bob finally bought a car. We're cruising down to the boardwalk, fuckin' middle-town cop pulls us over for suspicion of mischief.
Teen #1: What the fuck's that mean?
Jay: Drivin' around with a deployed airbag. Cops pull us over, they find two pounds of Jamaican Landswolf. Prosecutor wants to put us away for a dime but the judge gives us rehab instead.
Teen #1: Shit, rehab?
Jay: Yep yep.
Teen #2: How long were you in?
Jay: Six months, sir. We got six months and two days on the wagon, as a good friend of Bill W's. Check it out.
[Holds up rehab token]
Jay: Just got it two days ago, before we got out.
Teen #2: Yeah but if you're holdin' all the time, aren't you gonna be tempted to get high?
Jay: Oh, not with the power of Christ on my side, sir.
[Silent Bob holds up a Holy Bible]
Teen #2: Is that a fucking Bible?
Jay: Hey, hey, the Holy fucking Bible, son.
Teen #2: [to Teen #1] What the fuck kinda song-bird Jesus-freak dealers d'you bring me to?
Teen #1: I like them, man. They're funny.
Teen #2: They're fuckin' stupid.
Jay: You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like did you know Jesus was a Jew?

Jay: You should read your Bible, sirs. You'll find all types of weird shit in there. Like, did you know Jesus was a Jew?
Teen #2: [pause] Yeah.

Teen #2: Is that a fucking Bible?
Jay: Hey hey, the HOLY fucking Bible, son.


Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
Teen #1: Jay says you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding, and you tied the knot dressed as Storm Troopers.
Teen #2: Yeah, and he says you're the bitch and you're the butch.
Dante Hicks: I'm the BITCH?
Randal Graves: Well, if we were gay, that's certainly the way I'd see it.
Dante Hicks: Will you shut up!
Teen #1: [to Teen #2] Holy shit, dude. The honeymoon's over.

Jay: [singing] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, / Mother, mother fuck, fuck / Mother fuck, mother fuck, / Noise noise noise, / 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 4, / Noise, noise noise / Smokin' weed, smokin' wizz, / Doin' coke, drinkin' beers, / Drinkin' beers, beers, beers, / Rollin' fattys, smokin' blunts, / Who smokes the blunts? / We smoke the blunts. / Rollin' blunts and smokin'...
Teen #2: Uh, let me get a nickel bag.
Jay: [singing] / Fifteen bucks, little man, / Put that shit in my hand, / If that money doesn't show, / Then you owe me, owe me, owe, / My jungle love, yeah, / Owe-ee, owe-ee, owe, / I think I want to know ya, know ya, / Yeah, what?
Teen #1: What the hell are you singing?
Jay: You don't know "Jungle Love?" That shit is the mad notes. Written by God herself and sent down to the greatest band in the world: The mother-fucking Time.
Teen #2: You mean the guys in that Prince movie?
[Silent Bob points to the two teens]
Teen #1: Yeah, Purple Rain.
Teen #2: Man, that shit was so gay - fucking eighties style.