Scott Pilgrim
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Quotes for
Scott Pilgrim (Character)
from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

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Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)
Stacey Pilgrim: Next time, we don't date the girl with eleven evil ex-boyfriends.
Scott Pilgrim: It's seven.
Stacey Pilgrim: Oh, well, that's not that bad.

Todd Ingram: Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.
Scott Pilgrim: What?
Todd Ingram: Because you'll be dust by Monday... because you'll be pulverized in two seconds. The cleaning lady? She cleans up... dust. She dusts.
Scott Pilgrim: So, what's on Monday?
Todd Ingram: 'Cause... it's Friday now, she's the weekends off, so... Monday, right?"
Envy Adams: Basically, you can't win this fight, so you better give up on this girl, 'cause Todd's gonna kill you.
Scott Pilgrim: You used to be so nice!
[Runs towards Todd Ingram, who holds his hand up and lifts him a foot into the air with his mind powers, then hurls him through a brick wall]
Stephen Stills: Um, Scott, we're gonna go to Pizza-pizza for a slice, call us when you're done...
[He and Kim walk off]
Envy Adams: Oh, he'll be done, real soon...
Todd Ingram: [a long bass note is played from the hole] Sounds like someone wants to get... funky.

Kim Pine: Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.
Scott Pilgrim: Hahahaha... wait, what?
Kim Pine: I mean, are you really happy or really evil?
Scott Pilgrim: Evil? You mean, do I have, like, ulterior motives? I'm offended, Kim.
Kim Pine: Wounded, even?
Scott Pilgrim: Hurt, Kim.

Scott Pilgrim: [from trailer] You know her?
Ramona V. Flowers: It was just a phase.
Scott Pilgrim: You had a sexy phase?
Ramona V. Flowers: I was just a litte bi-curious.
Roxy Richter: I'm just a little bi-furious!

Wallace Wells: If you want something bad, you have to fight for it. Step up your game, Scott. Break out the L-word.
Scott Pilgrim: Lesbian?
Wallace Wells: The other L-word.
Scott Pilgrim: ...Lesbians?

Scott Pilgrim: You're pretentious, this club sucks, I have beef. Let's do it.

Stacey Pilgrim: You should break up with your fake highschool girlfriend!
Scott Pilgrim: Wait who told you?
Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace.
Scott Pilgrim: He's not even conscious!

Ramona V. Flowers: This is good garlic bread.
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, I think garlic bread would have to be my favourite all-time food. I could eat it for every meal. Or just constantly, without stopping.
Ramona V. Flowers: Then you'd get fat.
Scott Pilgrim: No, why would I get fat?
Ramona V. Flowers: Because bread makes you fat.
Scott Pilgrim: Bread makes you fat?

Scott Pilgrim: You once were a ve-gone, but now you will begone.
Todd Ingram: Ve-gone?

Scott Pilgrim: That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity.

Wallace Wells: Guess who's drunk!
Scott Pilgrim: I guess Wallace.
Wallace Wells: You guess right!

Hipster Bouncer: What's the password?
Scott Pilgrim: Uh... whatever...
Hipster Bouncer: Cool...

Scott Pilgrim: Wait! We're fighting over Ramona?
Matthew Patel: Didn't you get my email explaining the situation?
Scott Pilgrim: I skimmed it.
Wallace Wells: [shaking head] Mm-mm.
Matthew Patel: You will pay for your insolence!

Scott Pilgrim: So what you're saying is we're dating?
Ramona V. Flowers: I guess.
Scott Pilgrim: Does that mean we can make out?
Ramona V. Flowers: Sure.

Scott Pilgrim: We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.

Knives Chau: I've never even kissed a guy before.
Scott Pilgrim: Hey... me neither.

[repeated line]
Scott Pilgrim: I have to pee.

Scott Pilgrim: Amazon.ca! What's the website for that?
Wallace Wells: Amazon.ca

Scott Pilgrim: If I peed my pants would you pretend that I just got wet from the rain?

Scott Pilgrim: Hey so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing I didn't even get any. That was a joke.
Ramona V. Flowers: What did you have in mind?
Scott Pilgrim: Oh, come to this first round of this battle of the bands thing.
Ramona V. Flowers: You have a band?
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.
Ramona V. Flowers: [sighs] Sure.
[leaves]
Scott Pilgrim: Oh wait, can I get your number?
Ramona V. Flowers: Here.
Scott Pilgrim: Wow... girl number...
Ramona V. Flowers: See you at the show Scott Pilgrim.
Scott Pilgrim: Oh hey it's tonight! At the...

Scott Pilgrim: I have to go pee due to boredom.

Kim Pine: Scott Pilgrim, you're the salt of the earth.
Scott Pilgrim: Thanks, Kim.
Kim Pine: I meant "scum" of the earth.

Computer: You've got mail.
Scott Pilgrim: [Turns To Wallace] Dude, this thing claims I have mail.
Wallace Wells: [groggily] It's amazing what we can do with computers these days.
Scott Pilgrim: [Turns back] Dude, now I'm totally reading it.
Wallace Wells: [sarcastic] I'm so happy for you.

Scott Pilgrim: I don't think I can hit a girl. They're soft.

Todd Ingram: We have an unfinished business. I and he.
Scott Pilgrim: He and me.
Todd Ingram: Don't you talk to me about grammar!

Wallace Wells: Hey, what's up with his outfit?
Guy in Crowd: Yeah, is he a pirate?
Scott Pilgrim: Are you a pirate?
Matthew Patel: Pirates are in this year!

Scott Pilgrim: I'm in lesbians with you.
[Several minutes later]
Scott Pilgrim: I said lesbians...

Ramona V. Flowers: What kind of tea do you want?
Scott Pilgrim: There's more than one kind?
Ramona V. Flowers: We have blueberry, raspberry, ginseng, sleepy time, green tea, green tea with lemon, green tea with lemon and honey, liver disaster, ginger with honey, ginger without honey, vanilla almond, white truffel, blueberry chamomile, vanilla walnut, constant comment and... earl grey.
Scott Pilgrim: Did you make some of those up?

Roxy Richter: Oh I'd love to postpone, but I just cashed in my last rain check.
Scott Pilgrim: Where's that from?
Roxy Richter: My brain!

Matthew Patel: This is impossible. How can this be?
Scott Pilgrim: Open your eyes. Maybe you'll see!

Julie Powers: What about Ramona Flowers?
Scott Pilgrim: You know her? Tell me now.

Scott Pilgrim: Hey You totally came!
Ramona V. Flowers: Yes I did totally come...

Scott Pilgrim: Ciao Knives!

Scott Pilgrim: When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.

Stacey Pilgrim: [Scott has just broken up with Ramona] Did you really see a future with this girl?
Scott Pilgrim: Like... with jet-packs?

Knives Chau: Hey Scott!
Scott Pilgrim: What the hell...
Ramona V. Flowers: Who is that girl again?
Stephen Stills: Scott dated her.
Scott Pilgrim: Briefly.
Ramona V. Flowers: How old is she?
Scott Pilgrim: Uhhhhhhhh...
[the camera goes into his head. We see a wheel listing various thoughts. The arrow gets stuck between "I gotta pee" and "Who, her?"]
Scott Pilgrim: I gotta pee on her!... I mean, I gotta pee. Pee time.

Wallace Wells: You doing okay there?
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, good, good, good. She changed her hair.
Wallace Wells: So, it looks nice blue!
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah I know, but she did it without making a big deal out of it or anything... She's fickle, impulsive, spontaneous... God what am I going to do?

Stephen Stills: Oh god!... oh man! This is a nightmare! Is this a nightmare? Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up...!
Scott Pilgrim: It's just nerves!
Kim Pine: Once we're on stage, you'll be fine.
Stephen Stills: We were just on stage for sound check, and the sound guy hated us!

Stacey Pilgrim: 17-year-old? Scandal.
Scott Pilgrim: Who told you.
Stacey Pilgrim: Wallace, duh.
Scott Pilgrim: That gossipy bitch.
Wallace Wells: [on the phone listening] You know me.

Scott Pilgrim: You know what really sucks?
[Spells out "sux" with refrigerator magnets]
Wallace Wells: What?
Scott Pilgrim: [Rotates a magnet numeral 8 on its side, the mathematical symbol for infinity] Everything...

Ramona V. Flowers: Listen, I know I can be hard to be around sometimes. I totally understand if you don't want to hang anymore.
Scott Pilgrim: No, no, I want to hang. It's... You know, the whole evil ex-boyfriend thing...
Ramona V. Flowers: Exes...
Scott Pilgrim: It's no biggie. Um. You know, I know it's early, but I don't think anything can get in the way of how I SHIT!
[Camera cuts to Scott's ex standing behind Ramona]

Scott Pilgrim: I can not... have... tea.

Other Scott: And you didn't bang her? Are you gay?
Scott Pilgrim: I couldn't stop thinking about my stupid ex-girlfriend.
Jimmy: Is that the Uma Thurman movie?

Scott Pilgrim: Oh God!
Wallace Wells: What is it, Scott?
Scott Pilgrim: I had this totally weird dream...
Other Scott: Oh God!
Wallace Wells: What is it, Other Scott?
Other Scott: Can we skip the dream time? Color me not interested.
Scott Pilgrim: But there was this girl...
Wallace Wells: Girl...
Other Scott: Is this an envy-related dream again?
Wallace Wells: You don't use the "e" word in this house.

Scott Pilgrim: [Roxy confronts Scott and Ramona] You know this girl?
Roxy Richter: Oh boy, does she know me.
Scott Pilgrim: [to Ramona] What is she talking about?
Roxy Richter: [to Ramona] He really doesn't know?
Scott Pilgrim: Wait...
[Gauge in Scott's head flips from "No Clue" to "Gets It"]

Scott Pilgrim: I know you play mysterious and aloof just to avoid getting hurt. And I know you have reasons for not wanting talk about your past. I want you to know that I don't care about any of that stuff. Because I'm in lesbians with you.

Kim Pine: Scott. Not that I care, but you should go talk to Ramona before she's gone.
Scott Pilgrim: Thanks, Kim.
Kim Pine: And I really don't care.

Scott Pilgrim: Why can't we have our own secret shows?
Kim Pine: All of our shows are secret shows.

Julie Powers: So, what can I *censored* get you?
Scott Pilgrim: Is there anywhere you don't work?
Julie Powers: They're called jobs, something a *censored* ball like you wouldn't know anything about. And by the way, I can't *censored* believe you asked Ramona out after I specifically told you not to *censored* do that!
Scott Pilgrim: How are you doing that with your mouth?
Julie Powers: Never *censored* mind how I'm doing it!