Patrick Jane
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Quotes for
Patrick Jane (Character)
from "The Mentalist" (2008)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The Mentalist: Pilot (#1.1)" (2008)
Patrick Jane: You know what your problem is, my friend? You enjoy your work a little too much. You're a ghoul. If you don't get horny reading Fangoria, I'm Britney Spears.
Brett Partridge: I - I resent that!
Teresa Lisbon: This is you trying to redeem yourself, is it?
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry. He irks me. He's irksome.

Juniper Tolliver: You're psychic?
Patrick Jane: No, just paying attention.

Patrick Jane: I was thinking: why do magicians have beautiful girl assistants?
Dr. Linus Wagner: Why?
Patrick Jane: Because they're reliable distracters of attention. People will look at a beautiful girl for a long time before they look where they should be looking if they want to see how the trick really works.

Juniper Tolliver: I don't understand. You're psychic?
Patrick Jane: No, just paying attention. I used to make a good living pretending to be a psychic. I tell you this because I want you to understand there's no point hiding things from me.

Patrick Jane: [Police enter after a wife shoots her husband] Honestly, it's - it's not as bad as it looks.

Patrick Jane: Be reasonable. This is my case.
Teresa Lisbon: *Your* case?
Patrick Jane: Red John's mine.
Teresa Lisbon: Red John doesn't belong to anyone.
Patrick Jane: He belongs to me!

Patrick Jane: [reading a letter] "Dear Mr. Jane, I do not like to be slandered in the media, especially by a dirty money grubbing fraud. If you were a real psychic, instead of a dishonest little worm, you wouldn't need to open the door to see what I've done to your lovely wife and child."

Patrick Jane: You really think I would set you up so nicely and let you pull a loaded gun on me?... I took the bullets out earlier.

Dr. Linus Wagner: Why is it you can't sleep?
Patrick Jane: Because I can't get the good pills without talking to a doctor.
Dr. Linus Wagner: And you don't like talking to doctors.
Patrick Jane: Well, you know. The always want to be the smartest person in the room, don't they? When in fact that's me, obviously.

Grace Van Pelt: You poor, sad man. The Kingdom of God is a real place.
Patrick Jane: Okay, later tonight, when Rigsby asks you to come back to his hotel room...
[Rigsby chokes and coughs in surprise]
Patrick Jane: Say yes.
Grace Van Pelt: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: I know, you were planning on refusing him very curtly. First week on the job, you want to set a tone, no monkey business. But why not? Rigsby's an excellent lover, I'm sure. Tough, but fair. Right?
[Rigsby glares at him]
Patrick Jane: Right.
Grace Van Pelt: The Kingdom of God is a real place, Mr. Jane. And you have an immortal soul.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I do so hope you're wrong.

Patrick Jane: You know, when I was a boy, we had a farm. There was a lot of work. I was kind of a lazy kid.
Dr. Linus Wagner: Yes?
Patrick Jane: I'd always be trying to get my little brother, Jimmy, to do my chores for me. One day, I promised him a dollar if he'd cut the firewood. Well... he opened up an artery in his leg on the saw, and he bled to death. Died... doing my chores for me.
Dr. Linus Wagner: You know... that's almost exactly the same thing that happened to Johnny Cash.
Patrick Jane: Is it really? Wow. That's spooky.

Grace Van Pelt: Five hundred years in the future, it could be totally normal to communicate with the other side.
Patrick Jane: The other side? Your father's a football coach, yeah?
Grace Van Pelt: How did you know that?
Patrick Jane: It's obvious from your whole demeanor. My point is, didn't dad always say life is like football? When that final whistle blows, the game is over, done. There is no more. There is no other side. This is it. Lobster and bread rolls and nautical kitsch and then, psh. Nothingness.

Morgan Tolliver: Who are you?
Patrick Jane: I'm the police. Did you kill your daughter?
Morgan Tolliver: How dare you.
Patrick Jane: I asked you a simple question, sir. Did you kill your daughter?
Morgan Tolliver: No. I did not kill my daughter. Now you get the hell out of my house.
[Juniper breaks into tears, then hurries out of the room]
Morgan Tolliver: June? June, what's the matter with you?
[to Patrick]
Morgan Tolliver: I'm gonna have your badge.
Patrick Jane: An innocent man would have punched me by now.

Patrick Jane: Red John thinks of himself as a showman, an artist. He has a strong sense of theater. In all the previous killings, he made sure that the first thing that anyone sees is the face on the wall. You see the face first and you know. You know what's happened and you feel dread. Then, and only then, do you see the body of the victim; always in that order. Here, it's the opposite. The first thing you see is the body. Then you have to look around to see the face on the wall. Doesn't play nearly as well, does it?
Teresa Lisbon: Depends on your taste, I suppose.
Patrick Jane: No, come on. The killer could have painted on the correct wall, here. But he didn't because he didn't know better because he isn't Red John.

Patrick Jane: Hello, Mrs. Tolliver.
Juniper Tolliver: Who are you?
Patrick Jane: My name is Patrick Jane. I'm here to help you.

Patrick Jane: You know what I see when I look at your husband? I see a warm, loving, generous man. A little vain, maybe. Selfish, controlling. But a decent man.
Juniper Tolliver: Yes.
Patrick Jane: So why do you suspect him of murdering your daughter?
Juniper Tolliver: I don't. The McCluskey boy did it.
Patrick Jane: Yes, that's what the police say. But you think they're wrong. Why?
Juniper Tolliver: I don't know. I... I... I don't know. I...
Patrick Jane: Tell me.
Juniper Tolliver: Last year, they... they have been so strange with each other. And neither one would admit that anything was wrong, and I think that... I think that she tried to tell me once and I didn't... I... god. Oh, god.
Patrick Jane: Did you ask him if he killed her?
Juniper Tolliver: What would he say?
Patrick Jane: Most wives can tell when their husbands are lying.
Juniper Tolliver: Yes. Yes. I... I don't want tea. The McCluskey boy did it.
Patrick Jane: Maybe.
Juniper Tolliver: You think he did it, too.
Patrick Jane: I trust a mother's instinct.

Patrick Jane: [arriving at a crime scene] Morning, everybody! How was your flight?
Teresa Lisbon: Go away. You're on suspension.
Patrick Jane: [paying his cabbie] Thank you.
[catching up with the team]
Patrick Jane: Mandated leave. Ends next week.
Teresa Lisbon: So come back next week.
Patrick Jane: Whew. Hot enough for you?
Teresa Lisbon: Which one of you jackasses told him? It was you, wasn't it, Cho?
Kimball Cho: Yes, it was.
Patrick Jane: Of course he called me. It's Red John. You can't keep me out of this. Why would you want to?
Teresa Lisbon: You got a man killed. There's consequences.

[Lisbon ignores Jane as he enters the CBI office]
Patrick Jane: Good morning.
Grace Van Pelt: Can I help you?
Patrick Jane: You must be Van Pelt. Pleasure. Patrick Jane.
Grace Van Pelt: Oh, hi. Good to meet you. Agent Cho said you left town.
Patrick Jane: No. Nowhere to go.
Grace Van Pelt: Okay. Um... do you want that desk over there or this one? I mean, that one gets more light.
Patrick Jane: That one. More light, by all means.
[Van Pelt leaves]
Patrick Jane: Very pleasant addition to the Serious Crimes family.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh. Hi. When did you get here?

Kimball Cho: I like the husband for it. He hired some hooker he knows to create an alibi, flies home, fillets the spouse, flies back again. It's a classic, elaborate, clever, but ultimately stupid plan.
Patrick Jane: Have you looked at his PGA tournament record?
Kimball Cho: It's not bad. Six mil career earnings.
Patrick Jane: Hmm. For coming in second and third. You put him on the eighteenth tee with a big one on the line, like night follows day, he'll shank it. He's a choker. He doesn't have the nerve to kill his wife. Didn't do it.
Kimball Cho: Hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: Are you suggesting we drop a prime suspect because he's never won a major?
Patrick Jane: Oh, no, no, no. I'm just making idle conversation.

Grace Van Pelt: [watching Jane perform a magic trick with his straw] How'd you do that?
Patrick Jane: Telekinesis.
Kimball Cho: He blew on it.
Patrick Jane: That is another way to do it.

Grace Van Pelt: Mr. Jane, I have a question regarding your previous career path.
Patrick Jane: Fire away.
Grace Van Pelt: When you met with other psychics, real psychics, could they tell you were just pretending?
Patrick Jane: There's no such thing as real psychics.
Grace Van Pelt: I beg to differ. My cousin Yolonda is a psychic.
Patrick Jane: Your cousin is deluded or dishonest or both.
Wayne Rigsby: Hey. Steady.
Grace Van Pelt: No, no. He's entitled to his opinion. He's wrong, though. She has power.
Patrick Jane: [a waitress brings the check] Thank you.
Grace Van Pelt: She can communicate with the other side. I've seen her do it myself.
Patrick Jane: She let you speak with someone that's gone?
Grace Van Pelt: Yes.
Patrick Jane: Someone that you love and still miss very much?
Grace Van Pelt: Yes.
Patrick Jane: You wanted her power to be real, so it was.
Grace Van Pelt: No.
Wayne Rigsby: You're so sure you're right. Science don't know everything.

Grace Van Pelt: [reading a note delivered to Jane's hotel room] "Greetings, old friend. It's been a while. I hope you are keeping well. I am thriving and happy. I have twelve wives now and will soon begin courting number thirteen. Why can't you catch me? You must feel so powerless and stupid and sad. Oh, well. All the best. Red John."
Kimball Cho: That sounds like the real deal to me.
Patrick Jane: Sounds like Red John. It's not. Red John wouldn't risk capture just to taunt me.

Tag Randolph: This is insane. I didn't... I didn't kill Alison.
Kimball Cho: How do you explain your hair in the envelope?
Tag Randolph: Either it's a mistake or I'm being framed.
Kimball Cho: Who would want to frame you? We don't want to, if that's what you're thinking.
Patrick Jane: [watching, whispering to Van Pelt] He and Alison were lovers
Kimball Cho: Who would want to frame you, Tag?
Tag Randolph: My brother.
Kimball Cho: Why would he want to do that?
Tag Randolph: Alison and I were lovers
Grace Van Pelt: [turning to Jane] I think you are psychic. You're just afraid to admit it.

Dr. Linus Wagner: What led you to me? Not that I'm saying I did it. I'm just... asking.
Patrick Jane: When we first met, you said you didn't know who Red John was. But you have books on criminal psychiatry there that have chapters on him. You're the Randolph family doctor, so you could easily get a strand of Tag's hair, and being a doctor, you could hack up another human without difficulty. It's obvious it was you.

Patrick Jane: Closed case donuts are here.
[the team ignores him]
Patrick Jane: I just went to get sleeping pills, I swear to god. I... I didn't even want to go. You know I didn't want to go.
Grace Van Pelt: [skeptical] Right.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, you didn't set Wagner up. Didn't figure it was him days ago.
Kimball Cho: You didn't let us tear apart the victim's family simply to satisfy your childish need for drama.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, that family was screwed, anyway. Don't blame yourselves, guys.

Teresa Lisbon: Don't even start. I'm still angry.
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry.
Teresa Lisbon: No, you're not.
[he sets an origami animal on her desk]
Teresa Lisbon: [sarcastic] A frog? Well, this makes everything better, doesn't it?
[as Jane leaves, she gasps and smiles to herself as the frog "hops" once across the desk]

[deleted scene]
Patrick Jane: Would you drop me at the airport, please?
Teresa Lisbon: You're leaving?
Patrick Jane: Well, I have to get my shoes x-rayed anyway, so I figured I'd get on a plane.
Teresa Lisbon: And off you go on your merry way. These lives lost here mean nothing to you.
Patrick Jane: Not nothing.
[seeing her expression]
Patrick Jane: I'm confused. You don't want me here and it's not Red John, so I'm going. What's your problem?
Teresa Lisbon: We don't know that it's not Red John, and what I want is not the point.
[realization dawns on her]
Teresa Lisbon: Oh. Wait a minute. I get it. You're just trying to get me to ask you to stay.
Patrick Jane: Why would you think that?
[to Cho]
Patrick Jane: Why would she think that?
Teresa Lisbon: Because A, you've got nowhere to go, and B, you're an egomaniac. You think it's impossible that I really and truly do not want to work with you. You think that deep down inside, I've got a grudging respect for your genius. The truth is, deep down, I'm scared of you. You've got no boundaries, you got no common sense. You're filled with all this... this stuff that you refuse to acknowledge. One day, you're gonna create one mother of a tragedy for yourself and everybody around you. I don't want to be there when it happens, so we'll drive you to the airport. It's fine.
[to Rigsby]
Teresa Lisbon: Take a left on Bob Hope.


"The Mentalist: Rose-Colored Glasses (#2.11)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: What's your problem?
Patrick Jane: Uh, it's just a room full of people lying to each other. Everyone here is trying so hard to show how much they've changed, when the mere *effort* screams that they haven't.
Teresa Lisbon: Or they actually do change - with exceptions like Mr. Hair Plugs, of course...
[points around]
Teresa Lisbon: You've got the rebel who took the bank job... The player who stays faithful to his wife...
Patrick Jane: The rebel took the bank job because she sees her rebellion is fruitless. The player stays faithful to his wife because the consequence of infidelity is much greater now. But their instincts - their instincts never change.

Patrick Jane: Very nice to meet you.
[shakes Gabe's hand]
Patrick Jane: Your politics are a roiling mess of greed and cynicism, but you have a lovely daughter.

Grant: Stephanie? Oh my God. You look fantastic.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry. I'm not Stephanie. I'm...
[Grant kisses her]
Patrick Jane: Whoa.
Teresa Lisbon: Do that again and I'll arrest you!
[Lisbon storms off]
Grant: Sorry, I had to. You've always been the one.

Patrick Jane: You didn't really think we were young enough to be in this class when we walked in, did you?
Tess: Oh, everyone over the age of 21 looks the same to me.
Patrick Jane: Tactful and evasive. You're gonna do very well in life, Tess.

Teresa Lisbon: What's your problem?
Patrick Jane: Uh, just a room full of people lying to each other. Everyone here is trying so hard to show how much they've changed. When the mere effort screams they haven't.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm a far cry from what I was in high school.
Patrick Jane: Well, wouldn't be so sure. Driven to succeed to the point of developing an ulcer. No tolerance for superiors less sharp than yourself. Shutting out girls that wanted to hang out with you. Blowing off boys that want to get close. All the while at every turn wondering "What is it I really want?"
Teresa Lisbon: No.
Patrick Jane: And you played an instrument. My guess. Hmmm, clainet.
Teresa Lisbon: Not even close. We're done here.

Teresa Lisbon: You never went to high school?
Patrick Jane: No. I was busy.
Teresa Lisbon: You can stay. Just don't make me sorry I let you.

Teresa Lisbon: A brawl? You started a brawl.
Patrick Jane: Well, I was going for something a little more contained. Then... I guess people just wanted to explore the physical.

Teresa Lisbon: Go to Galatin. Take Van Pelt with you.
Kimball Cho: Ok.
[Cho leaves]
Teresa Lisbon: You - go to Hell. Take a toothbrush.
Patrick Jane: Which way is that?
[Lisbon glares at him]
Patrick Jane: I'll go.

Patrick Jane: Nice cover. I didn't actually attend this high school. In fact, I didn't attend any high school. I'm with the CBI.
Vice Principal DeSouza: Please. Please. These reunions are insufferable. What I wouldn't give to be at home on my couch, glass of wine, good book.

Patrick Jane: If you don't cooperate, I'm gonna be force to tell Lisbon about you and Van Pelt.
Wayne Rigsby: Tell what? There's nothing to tell.
Patrick Jane: Really?
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah. I don't know what you're talking about.
Patrick Jane: Ah. Contrary to very strict CBI rules, and regulations, you and Grave Van Pelt are engaged in an illicit affair.
Wayne Rigsby: Nope.
Patrick Jane: You're being childish.

Patrick Jane: Think of it this way. You mess up. We blow the case. I tell Lisbon.
Wayne Rigsby: You're a cold bastard, you know that?

Teresa Lisbon: Yes. Yes. Nobody advances an inch from High School. You've proved your point.
Patrick Jane: Their instincts never change.

Grace Van Pelt: A little old to be necking, aren't they?
Patrick Jane: There's an age limit on that?

[People at the reunion are dancing The Macarena]
Patrick Jane: School would be so much more fun if they started the day with this every morning instead of the Pledge of Allegiance. Or maybe they could just integrate the two into the Dance of Allegiance.

Wayne Rigsby: You want me to memorize everything we have on all sixty-seven alumni that showed up to the reunion?
Patrick Jane: Yes, I do.
Wayne Rigsby: And how would I do that?
Patrick Jane: It's easy. You build a memory palace.

Patrick Jane: When you want to remember the details, you close your eyes and in your mind, you walk around your very own memory palace.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, but I... I... I can't learn all this stuff in just a couple hours.
Patrick Jane: It comes very quickly once you get the hang of it, and they'll be wearing name tags.
Wayne Rigsby: But why? I mean, why would I memorize all this?
Patrick Jane: Fun.
Wayne Rigsby: [realization dawns on him] This is some dubious scheme that Lisbon doesn't know about, isn't it? Yeah, you can count me out.


"The Mentalist: Russet Potatoes (#1.18)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: Uh, no. No suggestion in the world can make you do something against your moral character, against your true will. A hypnotized saint is still a saint. Not that he's a saint.

Teresa Lisbon: Carl is still our prime suspect in this. We can't use him as bait.
Patrick Jane: Well as long as don't lose him or break him, what's the problem?

Patrick Jane: [after Lisbon tackles someone] Didn't like class?
Teresa Lisbon: Cuffs.
[Rigsby tosses her some handcuffs]
Teresa Lisbon: Looks like I caught the mystery hypnotist.
Patrick Jane: Get what you want from who you want. NLP seems to work.

Teresa Lisbon: We'd better go pick up Daniel.
Patrick Jane: If we walk we can burn some case closed pizza calories.
Teresa Lisbon: [Chuckles] Cute.

Teresa Lisbon: I thought you couldn't hypnotize somebody against his moral character.
Patrick Jane: Rigsby has a brutal streak. If you didn't know, now you know. It's not an uncommon trait for those that choose to go into police work.

Grace Van Pelt: [after Rigsby kisses Van Pelt under hypnotic suggestion] Well, unhypnotize him.
Patrick Jane: You sure?
Grace Van Pelt: Do it!

Wayne Rigsby: Did I make a fool of myself? Cluck like a chicken. I didn't do Tina Turner, did I?
Grace Van Pelt: No. You were perfectly normal.
[Van Pelt leaves]
Wayne Rigsby: Oh good. That's relief, eh?
Patrick Jane: Coward!

Patrick Jane: You honestly don't remember?
Wayne Rigsby: Don't remember what?
Kimball Cho: He remembers.
Teresa Lisbon: He *so* remembers.

Patrick Jane: [Rigsby is hypnotised but Lisbon doesn't believe it] Deeply hypnotised subjects are very suggestible and have very little inhibition. Rigsby, do me a favour. Close your eyes
[Rigsby looks doubtful]
Patrick Jane: Please?
[Rigsby closes his eyes]
Patrick Jane: Now, relax. Don't tell me but think about it. Think about what you most wanna be doing right now. You can do anything you like in the whole room.
[Van Pelt begins to look uncomfortable]
Patrick Jane: What are you gonna do? Now I want you to open your eyes and do it. Do whatever you like.
[Rigsby opens his eyes. He looks around and chuckles. Van Pelt turns and moves away. Rigsby gets up, follows her, pulls her into his arms and kisses her passionately while the others look on]
Patrick Jane: Now that's what I'm talking about.
Kimball Cho: Huh.
Teresa Lisbon: OK, he's hypnotised.

Patrick Jane: Are you on drugs, Mr., uh...
Carl Resnick: Resnick. Carl Resnick. I don't do drugs. Crack is whack.

Wayne Rigsby: "Get what you want from whoever you want." Scam.
Teresa Lisbon: Not to mention bad grammar.
Carl Resnick: Neurolinguistic programming is not a scam. It's a science of willpower and persuasion. Communicating more deeply. A way to better your life.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah. Scam.
Patrick Jane: Scam that can better your life.

Patrick Jane: Didn't Rick Tiegler's black-out strike you as weird?
Wayne Rigsby: Why? He got drunk, he blacked out, he killed someone. Who hasn't been there?
[Chuckles awkwardly]
Wayne Rigsby: ... Kidding.

Teresa Lisbon: This case is closed. You're just seeing suggestion everywhere, Jane. You're too suggestible.
Patrick Jane: Hm.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, right, too much of a control freak for that?
Wayne Rigsby: Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, pot.

Teresa Lisbon: [Rigsby assaults a suspect] Damn it, Wayne, do you understand what you just did?
Patrick Jane: [looking in Rigsby's eyes] Oh, dear.
Teresa Lisbon: What now?
Patrick Jane: [waving a hand in front of Rigsby's face] No. No, this...
Teresa Lisbon: No. No way.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, 'fraid so. He's been hypnotized.

Teresa Lisbon: We need to question everybody Rigsby interviewed at the NLP Center, and anyone else he talked to.
Kimball Cho: It has to be Dr. Daniel, right? He's the only one with the chops to do this.
Teresa Lisbon: Plus, he lied about sleeping with the victim.
Patrick Jane: No, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why would he want Rigsby to smack his own face into a table?
Kimball Cho: Although, why would anyone else want Rigsby to smack Daniel's face into a table?
Patrick Jane: My guess? The smacking of the face into the table, unintended side effect of a deeper hypnotic command.
Teresa Lisbon: Command to do what?
Patrick Jane: There's the rub. Let's find out.

Patrick Jane: Hansel and Gretel had breadcrumbs, I had Rigsby. I knew he'd lead me to the guilty one, so I put a tracking device in his pocket. Bingo.
Lindsay: Smart. Except for the part where I have the gun.
Patrick Jane: [Lindsay aims said gun at him] Oh, I have a gun, too. Lisbon?
Teresa Lisbon: [approaching with her own gun drawn] Drop the weapon!
Teresa Lisbon: So predictable. Rick?
Rick Tiegler: [approaching behind Lisbon with his own gun] You should put the gun down now.
Patrick Jane: Oh, for heaven's sake.

Patrick Jane: Oh, I'm impressed, Lindsay. There's not three people in the world that could have done an induction on a cop, but Rigsby's guard was up when he was with Dr. Daniel and Carl. And you? You just crept through the cracks, you sneaky little mouse.


"The Mentalist: Red Hair and Silver Tape (#1.2)" (2008)
Patrick Jane: I have a daughter about your age, if I hadn't caused her death. Her and her mother.
Frankie O'Keefe: How?
Patrick Jane: Out of arrogance. Stupidity. I made an evil man very angry and he killed them to make me sorry for what I'd done. And I am sorry. Being sorry is a far worse punishment than being dead, everybody dies. Very few people ever feel truly sorry for the bad things they've done.

Patrick Jane: I made a booking for two for this afternoon. Could you put us on the terrace? It's more romantic. Thanks... Yeah, Patrick... Lovely. See you then. Don't fret, I wouldn't seduce you over a meal. That'd be very sophomoric.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't think you were trying to seduce me.
Patrick Jane: Come on, how could that thought not have entered your head?
[Lisbon stares speechlessly at Patrick]
Patrick Jane: Your denial that it did intrigues me.
Teresa Lisbon: Bite me.

Sheriff McAllister: What? Are you clairovoyant or some gizmo? You got psychic powers?
Patrick Jane: No. No powers. Had 'em once. I mean I pretended I had 'em obviously. No such thing as psychic powers.

Patrick Jane: Give me a minute with her. She's got a super low threshold.
Kimball Cho: No. Nope.
Patrick Jane: Just stand in the doorway. Pretend you're making a phone call for a moment.
Kimball Cho: No. It's illegal and it's unprofessional.
Patrick Jane: That's why I need you to stand in the doorway.
Kimball Cho: ...One minute.

Patrick Jane: Yes, I did hypnotize her but...
Teresa Lisbon: But nothing! It's unprofessional and it's illegal!
Kimball Cho: That's what I told him.
Patrick Jane: I was going to say you had nothing to do with it. But hey -
[Jane leaves. Cho starts to walk, Lisbon stops Cho]
Teresa Lisbon: You allow him to pull that stuff again, and you'll be showing visitors around the Statehouse in a stupid hat.
Kimball Cho: Yes, ma'am. Understood.

Wayne Rigsby: So, what were you planning to do if Lisbon hadn't stopped him?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I didn't bother to formulate. I - I knew she'd stop him.

Teresa Lisbon: If it wasn't him, then who was it? And if you say a man who likes red hair and silver duct tape, I'll scream.
Patrick Jane: I don't want you to scream.

Teresa Lisbon: Not every murder is a secret, inside of a secret, inside of a secret. There's not always a hidden pattern.
Patrick Jane: Not always, but sometimes there is.
Teresa Lisbon: Sometimes the obvious guy did it. Most of the time the obvious guy did it.

Grace Van Pelt: One crazy evil person, I understand, but two? Husband and wife? Marriage is supposed to be a sacred loving thing.
Patrick Jane: They were soulmates in their own strange way.

Grace Van Pelt: I don't get it. She actually enjoyed helping him kill. One crazy, evil person I understand, but two? Husband and wife? Marriage is supposed to be a sacred, loving thing.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, they were soul-mates in their own strange way.

Patrick Jane: Hey.
Patrick Jane: Listen. I don't want to make you mad, but I've found something really interesting I want you to take a look at.
Teresa Lisbon: You can't make me made. Go ahead. What'd you find?
Patrick Jane: You first. What made you so happy?
Teresa Lisbon: Forensics. There are substantial traces of Melanie's blood on the seat of Hector's truck.
Patrick Jane: Oh. So, happy day.

Kimball Cho: Why a sexual motive? Could be gangs or drugs.
Patrick Jane: A drug-trade smothering? By who, the Sesame Street Crips?

Patrick Jane: You made her feel like a captured princess instead of a small-town choir nerd. And she made you feel like a dashing pirate instead of what you are... sort of a bad-tempered pharmacist.

Grace Van Pelt: I did the database search. I'm e-mailing the results.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm gonna put you on speaker.
[she does so]
Grace Van Pelt: It's not much. One pop for the brand of silver tape used two months ago in Fairfield. An abduction case.
Patrick Jane: What happened?
Grace Van Pelt: Dolores Sanchez, a female, 22. Migrant farm laborer. Abducted at a bus stop; she doesn't know how. She wakes up on a bed in a motel room all tied up in duct tape, unharmed. The cleaners found her. Never saw her abductors, no suspects. Fairfield PD concluded it was a drunken prank. The complainant, Sanchez, left town, so the case kind of drifted away.
Patrick Jane: This is very interesting.
Teresa Lisbon: Let's not go off on tangents already.
Patrick Jane: Any other correlations?
Grace Van Pelt: Uh... yes, actually. Sanchez is a redhead like O'Keefe.
Patrick Jane: Ah ha.
Teresa Lisbon: Cool down. It's a common brand of tape and there's a quarter million redheaded women in California.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah.
Patrick Jane: You're right. Just supposing - for fun - that it was the same guy did both crimes. He kidnaps a redheaded girl, ties her up, takes her a motel room, has her at his mercy but does nothing. Months later, kidnaps another redheaded girl, but his planning is not good enough and he kills her in a panic to keep her quiet. What does that say?
Teresa Lisbon: He's an idiot?
Patrick Jane: He's new to this and he's conflicted. He's hungry to do terrible things, but his conscience and his fear tell him not to. So he's not yet going into this with with the proper focus and planning. And stuff goes wrong.
Teresa Lisbon: Or you're making that up and Melanie was murdered by her secret lover we can be fairly certain she was meeting at the exact time of her abduction.

Patrick Jane: The killer plans to bring his victim back to this room. And when he does, we're gonna be here to greet him. How sweet is that?
Teresa Lisbon: This is all a big, elaborate joke you're gonna apologize for now, yes?
Patrick Jane: Whoever killed Melanie had to be there that night at Shand Creek. Your timeline proves it. There's no way anyone else could have done it. One of the twenty people there that night killed Melanie. All twenty of those people are there now, today. Including the killer.
Teresa Lisbon: [skeptical] And he's gonna try it again today. Come on.
Patrick Jane: No, no. Yes, yes, that's just the point. Yes, he is gonna try again.
[showing her the bleach, plastic tarp, and gloves under the sink]
Patrick Jane: He's planning on it. And he's gonna try again today because we're gonna make him try again, because he's not in control of his desires. He's been thinking of nothing else but this perverse craving of his. He's gotten so close, he's desperate to go all the way. All we need to do is present him with something he can't resist. Something that he will jump at and damn the consequences. Give it a try. If I'm wrong, there's no harm done.

Patrick Jane: [after a trap to catch the killer fails] I was sure the chef would bite. I mean, there's still a chance he could show up.
Teresa Lisbon: The chef? Malcolm. Why do you think it's him?
Patrick Jane: He uses way too much butter.
Teresa Lisbon: Say...
Patrick Jane: He's a gluttonous baby. He's self-indulgent. He wants what he wants and he takes it.
Teresa Lisbon: [skeptical] Too much butter.
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: It's fascinating the way your mind works. One thing, though. Malcolm was in the kitchen with twenty people when Melanie was taken. He couldn't have done it.
Patrick Jane: Hang on. There... there... there is a way he could.
Teresa Lisbon: Forgive me if I can't stay for more of your theorizing, but I've got to go and see if I can save your colleagues from getting formal complaints in their files.


"The Mentalist: Blood Money (#2.19)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: Anybody see anything?
Wayne Rigsby: Well, we've got an SFPD cam, but so far nothing. Just an average night.
Patrick Jane: Average night, average neighborhood, average murder. Why are we here?

Patrick Jane: It's not a deterrent really. It's - it's revenge really. I mean, that's not a criticism, cause I'm all about revenge. I mean revenge can be very productive.

Patrick Jane: He'll kill again. You - you know what he is, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Knowing isn't proving. Rigsby, have Cho set up on Silvan's house, 24-hour surveillance. If he shows up, have Cho follow and maybe we'll get lucky.
Wayne Rigsby: Okay.
Patrick Jane: This - this is ridiculous. I...
Teresa Lisbon: I know.
Patrick Jane: I'm going to go with Cho.

Teresa Lisbon: Crime fighting's hard. Suck it up. If you weren't on the witness list, I wouldn't even let you in the same time zone as Judge Dredd.
Patrick Jane: "Judge Dredd"? Can't possibly be as fun as it sounds.

Patrick Jane: [Referring to the defense attorney] Well, I'm - I'm sorry, your honor. But this woman is spouting nothing but ludicrous petty fogery, and uh, I'm a little hungry.
Teresa Lisbon: Your honor, if you'll let me down, I can handle it.
Judge Hildred: Mr. Jane, that is your name correct?
Patrick Jane: That is correct. Patrick Jane.
Teresa Lisbon: This court hereby fines you $1000.
Patrick Jane: Make it $2000, and let me tell this class of woman to move it along.
Judge Hildred: $2000 then!

ADA Marc Odenthal: You let a killer back on the streets.
Patrick Jane: Actually, I got the killer off the streets. Keeping him off the streets, *your* job.

Special Agent Madeleine Hightower: I thought you two trusted each other.
Teresa Lisbon: So did I.
Patrick Jane: We do. We have trust. I-I didnt' tell her because I didn't want her to be complicent and lie about it later.
Special Agent Madeleine Hightower: Some partnership you got going on here.

Patrick Jane: Oh, come on. Look at the bright side, you get 5 days off. 5 days off from me.
Teresa Lisbon: Cho, you're in charge. He's your problem now.

Patrick Jane: [about to enter a warehouse] You wouldn't want me to get hurt, would you?
Teresa Lisbon: Don't bet on it.

Teresa Lisbon: Call Cho, I'm not even armed.
Patrick Jane: More lies. You have at least 2 guns in that car... 3? Oh my. The poster girl for the NRA.

Teresa Lisbon: Patrick, you were trying to help me. You were! You thought if I made a big bust, the POC would get off my back.
Patrick Jane: You know, I'm always going to save you Lisbon. Whether you like it or not.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't need to be saved. I know this would end in disaster the day I signed on with you. One day, I'm going to get fired because of you. That's just the way it is.
Patrick Jane: Well, some people might ask why you signed on with me in the first place.
Teresa Lisbon: Catch a lot of bad guys. Most days that's enough.

Patrick Jane: You know, I could be my own lawyer.
Kimball Cho: You're going to represent yourself? You represent yourself, you're an idiot.
Patrick Jane: Uh, actually, it's "He who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client". It's much catchier. Could be fun, Cho.

Patrick Jane: Well, we caught the bad guy.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, we did.
Patrick Jane: Most days that's enough.
Teresa Lisbon: Yep.
Patrick Jane: You, uh, want to go to the range... shoot something?
Teresa Lisbon: I'll drive.

Kimball Cho: Hypnosis? Great plan.
Patrick Jane: No, that would be silly. Hypnosis is illegal. That was a misdirect so that I could search his jacket pockets, and find this.
Kimball Cho: [Jane opens his hand] A button, fluff, and some sand?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It's a little anticlimactic Um... do you have an evidence baggie?
Kimball Cho: [standing to leave] You're walking home.

ADA Marc Odenthal: I'm not the one who got the murder weapon tossed.
Patrick Jane: Court is theater. Whatever side has the best liar wins. Usually, that's you, but today she was better.
ADA Marc Odenthal: You're an arrogant little bastard.

Teresa Lisbon: Look, Marc, there is no double jeopardy here. We can still take this to trial. I will find new evidence, I promise.
ADA Marc Odenthal: [to Jane] You're a menace. When I'm DA, you'll never work with this office again.
Patrick Jane: So ambitious.
Teresa Lisbon: Not your call, Marc. Not then, not now.
ADA Marc Odenthal: You're defending him?
Patrick Jane: Thank you, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Shut up, Jane.


"The Mentalist: Green Thumb (#6.10)" (2013)
Teresa Lisbon: You ran away again Jane. Not from the FBI but from me.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, but I ran back.
Teresa Lisbon: How was I suppose to know? I thought you were gone again forever.

Teresa Lisbon: Why are you being so stubborn? The F.B.I. is offering you a get out of jail free card.
Patrick Jane: Well, you make that sound like a good thing.
Teresa Lisbon: Isn't it?
Patrick Jane: Not on their terms. If I can't live on my terms, I'm in prison anyway. Might as well just stay in this cozy little detention suite.

Patrick Jane: I don't see a couch anywhere.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't start trouble. At least not yet.

Patrick Jane: You called me an asset. That's so touching.
Dennis Abbott: I'm an optimist.

Patrick Jane: Don't worry. I won't escape.
Kim Fischer: Oh, I'm not worried. If you walk away this time...
Patrick Jane: I know. I'll end up spending the rest of my life in prison.
Kim Fischer: No. I'll shoot you.

Teresa Lisbon: I have to say, I am impressed. You outplayed the F.B.I.
Patrick Jane: No contest. Did they tell you when I start work?
Teresa Lisbon: When *we* start.
Patrick Jane: We? What about your job?
Teresa Lisbon: Nah. It was boring.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I told you.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah. But you had no right to. It's my life, and I'll decide what to do with it.
Patrick Jane: And you decided correctly.
Teresa Lisbon: There was never any choice.
Patrick Jane: Oh, come on. It'll be fun. Let's see what kind of trouble we can make.

Teresa Lisbon: How you holding up?
Patrick Jane: Ah... You know what incarceration's like.
Teresa Lisbon: Not really.
Patrick Jane: Well, there's no need to pretend, Lisbon. We're both in the same predicament.
Teresa Lisbon: How is that? I have a home and a respected career. You're locked up for murder.
Patrick Jane: Eh, you're splitting hairs. We're both trapped.

Patrick Jane: [Lisbon visits him in detention] Visitor. Splendid. Not a willing one, based on the posture.
[with a sarcastic smile, Lisbon straightens her posture]
Patrick Jane: That's a little better.

Teresa Lisbon: How am I trapped?
Patrick Jane: You live in Washington.
Teresa Lisbon: [indignantly] I love Washington!
Patrick Jane: High voice.

Patrick Jane: Okay, you're right. I... I'm sorry, Lisbon. I didn't think about you.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, you rarely do.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's not true. I made you one of my demands. I... I'm not joining the FBI unless they make you a job offer.
Teresa Lisbon: That's my point. What makes you think I want to work with you again? You are difficult and exhausting, and maybe I don't want to put the rest of my life on hold to be your sidekick. Have you ever even thought about that?
Patrick Jane: No. No. I hadn't considered it.
Teresa Lisbon: You think you know what's good for my life, but you haven't been a part of my life for two years. So let's get this case wrapped up so I can go home.

Teresa Lisbon: Do you still think Abel killed Cleo?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I know he did. Guy's a hothead. Those swollen biceps and neck tattoos; the mere hint of an affair would set that guy off.
Kim Fischer: Why was her psychic here the night Abel disappeared? If Defiance was out with her friends all, there was no was reason for him to be at the loft.
Teresa Lisbon: Cleo Ascencio. It's such a theatrical name. You think it's real?
Kimball Cho: It is. We ran his fingerprints.
Teresa Lisbon: Let me guess. Clean record?
Kimball Cho: Spotless.
Patrick Jane: What are you suggesting, Lisbon?
Teresa Lisbon: Ascencio, it... it sounds Cuban. There's a scam that they do in Cuba. Brokers charge large sums of money to surgically modify fingerprints. They swap the right fingertips and the left, it fools immigration every time.
Kim Fischer: How do you know that?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm a police chief. With a lot of reading time on my hands.

Dennis Abbott: Jane, where did you get this from?
Patrick Jane: Oh, a thumb drive Gale Bertram was hiding.
Dennis Abbott: This is the first I'm hearing about it.
Patrick Jane: It's the first I've talked of it.
Dennis Abbott: These are all the numbers of the Blake Association.
Patrick Jane: Correct. I figured Bertram was keeping it as insurance.
Dennis Abbott: Well, we've arrested or retired all of these people.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you have. Except the ones that I've blacked out. Those ones you haven't caught.
Dennis Abbott: We got 'em all.
Patrick Jane: Did you? Well, I guess Bertram was wrong, then.
Dennis Abbott: Give me the names.
Patrick Jane: A couple of judges, a Congressman, several FBI agents.
Dennis Abbott: Names.
Patrick Jane: Big names, some of them. If that list ever got out to the press, it'd cause all kinds of turmoil, wouldn't it?
Dennis Abbott: Are you threatening me?
Patrick Jane: Oh, no. Just pointing out that we both have the power to create misery.
Dennis Abbott: Okay. You give me the names and we'll agree to all of your terms on the contract.
Patrick Jane: If I give you the names, you'll break the contract. You've already done it once.
Dennis Abbott: What do you propose?
Patrick Jane: I propose that you surrender to my terms and when I'm finished with your contract, and only then, I will give you the names.

Patrick Jane: Mrs. Schneiderman?
Defiance Schneiderman: Defiance.
Patrick Jane: Defiance. Are you a Romani gypsy?
Defiance Schneiderman: What do you know about it?
Patrick Jane: Carny circuit. My dad was a showman.

Kim Fischer: [meeting a hostile neighbor of the victim's] Nice guy.
Teresa Lisbon: His name is Nguyen Hei. He's a Vietnamese refugee. He used to run a noddle shop, now he owns the building. He was home the evening of the disappearance but he didn't hear or see anything.
Kim Fischer: How do you know that?
Teresa Lisbon: I read the case files.
Patrick Jane: I thought you weren't interested in the case.
Teresa Lisbon: It was a long plane ride.

Kim Fischer: Congratulations. You got one over on me. It's a nice stunt. You feel better now?
Patrick Jane: Mm. No. You woke me up.
Kim Fischer: Yeah, I don't get you. You hunted down and killed your enemy. Why are you making new ones?
Patrick Jane: Eh, you're right. Running away was a mistake. I'm ready to discuss the job offer now.
Kim Fischer: There is no offer. Not anymore.
Patrick Jane: Nonsense. Let's talk.
Kim Fischer: I am taking you back to Texas. And next week, you'll be indicted for the murder of Thomas McAllister, among other charges.

Patrick Jane: Your cats find the body yet?
Kim Fischer: What body?
Patrick Jane: The body hidden on the roof of Abel Schneiderman's building.
Kim Fischer: You saw it?
Patrick Jane: No, but there's a large pile of soil just by the garden. And winter is almost upon us, so what is that soil doing there? That's a rhetorical question. The soil is there to make room for Cleo, Mrs. Schneiderman's psychic. He went missing the same time as her husband.
Kim Fischer: What are you talking about?
Patrick Jane: Abel found out his wife was sleeping with her psychic, so he killed him in the bedroom. Abel doesn't own a car, so he cut up the body into pieces and buried them in the garden. Your kidnap victim isn't kidnapped; he's a killer and he's on the run.
Kim Fischer: You're good.
Patrick Jane: Thank you.
Kim Fischer: A good liar.


"The Mentalist: Copper Bullet (#7.9)" (2015)
Patrick Jane: Everything turned out exactly as we planned.
Teresa Lisbon: I know.
Patrick Jane: No one was hurt.
Teresa Lisbon: I know.
Patrick Jane: Well, except the bad guy, of course, but he was an assassin.
Teresa Lisbon: I understand, mission accomplished. But in the middle of our mission, you directed me to go somewhere that had nothing to do with the mission.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I was concerned about your safety.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't get it.
Patrick Jane: I don't get what?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm an FBI agent.
Patrick Jane: Uh, I think I do get that.
Teresa Lisbon: No, I don't think you do.

Jason Wylie: You asked me to keep tabs on Peterson, let you know if he's making any suspicious moves.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. What's he done?
Jason Wylie: According to his credit card record, two days ago he bought a plane ticket to Mexico. He flew there this morning.
Patrick Jane: Well, he might have gone down there for work.
Jason Wylie: I checked. His office said he's at a conference in St. Paul.
Patrick Jane: Okay. Well, could you look into Peterson's phone records for us? We'll be right in.
Jason Wylie: What am I looking for?
Patrick Jane: Well, it's something fishy.

Jason Wylie: Peterson's checked into a hotel just outside Rio Bravo. It's where he worked with Abbott, right?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah. Ten years ago.
Jason Wylie: I checked his phone record. The only call that stuck out was to a San Antonio Congressman this afternoon. Representative Jules Blatt.
Teresa Lisbon: I've heard of him. He's a nobody trying to make a name for himself.
Patrick Jane: Well, if he could block Lena Abbott's confirmation, it would buff his reputation in certain circles, wouldn't it?
Teresa Lisbon: Well, how would Peterson going to Rio Bravo help that?
Patrick Jane: I don't know. The hearings start in four days, so if Peterson wants to make trouble, now is the time to do it.

Dennis Abbott: How do you know about all this?
Patrick Jane: Wylie's keeping tabs on Peterson.
Dennis Abbott: And you brought Wylie into it?
Patrick Jane: Well, I... mentioned that Peterson might be making some trouble. He volunteered. Kid wouldn't take no for an answer. You have any idea what Peterson is doing in Rio Bravo?
Dennis Abbott: Peterson's careful. He wouldn't make any accusations if he didn't have the evidence to back it up. I shot a man. Bullet's in the body. Peterson found the corpse, dug out the bullet. All he's gotta do is subpoena the gun, and that's game over.

Teresa Lisbon: What does he think Peterson has on him?
Patrick Jane: The bullet.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, if he does, then Abbott's toast.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's a little pessimistic.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, I guess this isn't just about Lena's confirmation. Abbott will lose his job. He could go to prison.
Patrick Jane: I don't think that's gonna happen.
Teresa Lisbon: Why not?
Patrick Jane: We'll prevent it.
Teresa Lisbon: In four days? How?
Patrick Jane: [lying down on his couch] I'm not quite sure yet.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, this is serious.
Patrick Jane: I know. Don't you love it when the stakes are high?

Dennis Abbott: Jane, could you please just give us a minute?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I would, but time is short. And I'm guessing each of you is offering to fall on your sword for the other, which is very loving and admirable, but I don't think it'll work.
Dennis Abbott: Why not?
Patrick Jane: Because Peterson is ruthless and determined, and he won't stop until he's destroyed both of you. Now, we knew he was gonna make a move like this sooner or later. Now it is time for us to make our move.
Lena Abbott: Which is what, exactly? The hearings are in three days.
Patrick Jane: Well, I think I can come up with something if you both want me involved.
Dennis Abbott: No. No, this is not your problem.
Lena Abbott: Wait a minute. Dennis tells me you have one of the trickiest and most devious minds he's worked with.
Patrick Jane: He did, did he? Oh. Well, I didn't come here to be flattered, but please go on.
Lena Abbott: He also says you're his friend, and that he would trust you with his life. Can you really help?
Patrick Jane: I think so.

Patrick Jane: How's things?
Pete Barsocky: You know, looking for rubes to fleece. You?
Patrick Jane: I'm... I'm seeing someone at the moment, actually.
Pete Barsocky: You dog. Wait, is it that pretty brunette that came around with you a couple years ago? The cop?
Patrick Jane: As a matter of fact, it is.
Pete Barsocky: I knew it. I could tell she was sweet on you.
Patrick Jane: Well, she's a little cranky with me right now.
Pete Barsocky: Women. Who gets 'em? But I'm happy to hear it. You should have someone, Patrick. You deserve to be happy.
Patrick Jane: Thank you.
Pete Barsocky: Maybe it's time, you know? To take the ring off? No shame in moving on. Angela would want you to.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, thanks, Pete. I need a favor. I have a friend who's in a little trouble with the law, and I want to get him out.
Pete Barsocky: Sounds like fun to me.

Patrick Jane: How was your little trip down to Rio Bravo?
Bill Peterson: You know about that.
Patrick Jane: Well, of course I do. Do you think I'm gonna sit back and watch you destroy Dennis Abbott?
Bill Peterson: I'm not trying to destroy anyone. I'm after justice. Dennis Abbott murdered a man in cold blood.
Patrick Jane: A commander of one of the largest drug cartels in Mexico.
Bill Peterson: Murdered him nonetheless.
Patrick Jane: Don't you have better things to do, Peterson? Like update your tennis gear; what is this? It's velour.
Bill Peterson: Let me tell you something, Jane. I don't give a rat's ass about Dennis Abbott. I see an opportunity.
Patrick Jane: How do you figure?
Bill Peterson: There's a new wave coming into D.C. I can help a Congressman do something opportune, like block an appointment that his party is desperate to kill, say? He's in my debt. It's money in the bank. The future, Jane. That's what I'm thinking about. Screwing Dennis Abbott, that's just icing on the cake.
Patrick Jane: Won't work.
Bill Peterson: We'll see.
Patrick Jane: Yes, we will. We shall see.

Dennis Abbott: I know I said we'd do it your way, but I... I've changed my mind. I can't have my people taking risks like this on my behalf. I'll take what comes.
Patrick Jane: And your wife?
Dennis Abbott: I think I can keep her out of it.
Patrick Jane: You know that's not true. Now, what you did in Rio Bravo, you risked your life to take out a mass murderer that no one else could. No one else would. You did that 'cause you're a good man. Peterson is not a good man. He is a greedy, corrupt bureaucrat, with a very healthy sprinkling of sociopath on top.
Dennis Abbott: I can handle Peterson.
Patrick Jane: No, you won't. And if we stop now, you're going to prison, your wife's gonna lose a career, and Peterson is on his way to being the head of the DEA. Is that what you want? It's not what I want. And for what it's worth, everyone else feels the same way.

Kimball Cho: So, what's your plan?
Patrick Jane: Well, pick the lock, open the door, see what happens.
Teresa Lisbon: What'll happen is the alarm will go off.
Patrick Jane: Not right away. Alarms give you a minute to ninety second grace period before they alert anyone. That should give me enough time to figure out the passcode.
Teresa Lisbon: Figure it out how?
Patrick Jane: The way I figure things out.
Kimball Cho: That's your plan?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, pretty much.

Kimball Cho: [breaking into Peterson's house] Sixty seconds.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, nothing like a little adrenaline to get the mind fired up. I'm gonna need some quiet. Cat alert, nine o'clock.
Kimball Cho: Yeah, I'm not touching that.
[Lisbon rolls her eyes and leaves]
Kimball Cho: Time's running out.
Patrick Jane: Have a little faith.
[disabling the alarm]
Patrick Jane: There. Got it.
Kimball Cho: How'd you do that?
Teresa Lisbon: Wylie texted it to him.
Patrick Jane: No, he didn't.
Teresa Lisbon: When he hacked into the security system, he saw Peterson punch in the code. I saw you looking at your phone.
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, you're killing the magic here.

Patrick Jane: [searching Peterson's house for proof of corruption] Remember, he's not gonna hide the money in or under his mattress.

Patrick Jane: Oh, this is a problem.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't you know how to open a safe?
Kimball Cho: Biometrics. We need Peterson's thumbprint to open that.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, what are we gonna do?
Patrick Jane: Okay, so we go to the backup plan.
Kimball Cho: What's that?
Teresa Lisbon: We have about forty minutes left.
Patrick Jane: [dialing his phone] If we can't get to Peterson's money, we use our own money.
Teresa Lisbon: What money?
Patrick Jane: [the line picks up] Uh, Wylie. I need you to get into the evidence room and get us some cash.
Jason Wylie: How much?
Patrick Jane: At least a million dollars. Two would be better.
Jason Wylie: That's... big. I'm... I'm not sure how I do that.
Patrick Jane: Do your best.

Samantha Barsocky: [leaving with Pete] He tells me you got a sweetheart. That little brunette.
Patrick Jane: That is true.
Samantha Barsocky: Mm-hmm. Don't screw it up, Patrick.
Patrick Jane: I'll try not to.
Samantha Barsocky: Life's too short.

Teresa Lisbon: You know, we never finished our conversation.
Patrick Jane: No, it got busy.
Teresa Lisbon: Life throws you curveballs.
Patrick Jane: Are we talking about baseball now?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm serious. I want us to be strong together.
Patrick Jane: We are, aren't we?
Teresa Lisbon: I love you. And I also love what I do. You can't be jealous of that.
Patrick Jane: It's not that.
Teresa Lisbon: What is it?
[Jane doesn't say anything]
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: I don't want to lose you. I don't know how I would react.
Teresa Lisbon: You're not gonna lose me.
Patrick Jane: You don't know that.
Teresa Lisbon: Nobody knows what's gonna happen. Okay, you could die tomorrow. I could. We need to focus on what's going on right now. Right here. It's good. It is very, very good.

Teresa Lisbon: Do you want to dance?
Patrick Jane: Here? In front of everyone?
Teresa Lisbon: Sure.
Patrick Jane: Okay. One dance.
Teresa Lisbon: Two.
Patrick Jane: Everything is a negotiation with you.


"The Mentalist: Carnelian, Inc. (#1.17)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: You're untrustworthy. It's my job not to trust you.
Patrick Jane: Lisbon. I want you to know that you can trust me. No matter what happens I will be there for you. I will. I need you to know that. Now can I catch you?

Rand Faulk: Joe, is it?
Patrick Jane: Jane, like the girl.
Rand Faulk: Jane...
Patrick Jane: Mr... Jane.

Rand Faulk: Agent Lisbon, is it? We're leaving. Keep my office informed.
[to the Parachute leader]
Rand Faulk: And you. You'll be hearing from our lawyers.
[Into his cellphone]
Rand Faulk: Do it now!
Patrick Jane: [to Lisbon] Are you going to let him get away with that?
Teresa Lisbon: Shhh. Mr. Faulk, this is a murder investigation. You can't leave until we say you can leave.

Rand Faulk: We stay. I'm not letting some random lunatic disturb Carnellian. This is a test of our strength. David would want us to continue.
De Shaun Braemer: Yes he would. Yes, he would. David would never back down.
Patrick Jane: David wouldn't want you to respectfully acknowledge his tragic and untimely death? Oh, you wouldn't want it to interfere with your kayaking schedule.

Jessie Skelling: Lee don't lie to me. He'll cause me trouble and grief a hundred which ways, but he don't lie to me.
Patrick Jane: Wives often say that about their husbands. Easy to fool yourselves that the people you love are honest.

Teresa Lisbon: Like you don't know you have major trust issues.
Patrick Jane: I trust people. I trust you.
Teresa Lisbon: No you don't. I don't trust you either.

Patrick Jane: [as they're driving] Talk to me.
Teresa Lisbon: [Groggily] Do I have to?
Patrick Jane: No. I could just fall asleep and we could drift into oncoming traffic. Your call.

Teresa Lisbon: [to Rand Faulk] The timer is set to go off in 10 minutes. So we have plenty of time. If you'll just get out the bed slowly, we do not want to jar the device.
Patrick Jane: Boom!
Teresa Lisbon: For God sakes!
Patrick Jane: Sorry. Couldn't resist.

Patrick Jane: Legal proof will be found. No doubt. But personally, I don't need it. I just like to know I'm right.

Kimball Cho: He's from the A.G.'s office. We're catching a hot one.
Patrick Jane: Hooray. I was about to go mad with boredom.
Grace Van Pelt: Don't say "hooray." Someone's died.
Patrick Jane: Well, if they have, my happiness makes no difference to them.

[the team are in the Mojave Desert]
Patrick Jane: [picks up something from the ground] Look at that. Look what I found.
Teresa Lisbon: What is it?
Patrick Jane: It's a worm. It's a fossilized worm.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm happy for you.

Rand Faulk: I'm not letting some random lunatic disturb Carnelian. This is a test of our strength. David would want us to continue.
De Shaun Braemer: Yes, he would. Yes, he would. David would never back down.
Patrick Jane: David wouldn't want you to respectfully acknowledge his tragic and untimely death? Oh, well, okay. He wouldn't want it to interfere with your kayaking schedule.

Patrick Jane: So, tell us a little about yourselves. Let's use this sadness to get some real truths, shall we? Joyce, you first.
Joyce Tran: Me first? To do what, exactly?
Patrick Jane: I'll tell you what I think, just to get the ball rolling. I think you've made your way in the world by concealing your true feelings under a mask of positivity and niceness. But underneath, you're a seething mass of ugly, bitter resentment.
[to Holman]
Patrick Jane: You think Faulk is a stupid buffoon, but you're far too clever to be brave enough to tell him so.
Holman Perry: How dare you?
Patrick Jane: And you, Mr. Braemer. Marine Corps, yes?
De Shaun Braemer: Yes.
Patrick Jane: Office politics must seem kind of trivial in comparison. How often do you fantasize about pulling a couple of weapons and showing these civilians a little reality?

Patrick Jane: You know, when this worm was alive, this whole desert was the floor of a great sea. There were dinosaurs swimming above us.
Wayne Rigsby: That is kind of awesome.
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
[Tosses the worm to Cho, who examines it]
Patrick Jane: Sharks the size of buses. Brilliantly colored sea monsters. Those mountains... they would have been volcanoes.
Kimball Cho: This is a goat turd, about six months old.
Patrick Jane: Still... Giant sharks, here.

Teresa Lisbon: Rigsby, you're the fastest driver. If we leave now and push it, we can get there by 11:05.
Patrick Jane: Where is it?
Teresa Lisbon: Mojave Desert. Middle of nowhere. Quarter of a mile off the highway.
Patrick Jane: Interesting.
Teresa Lisbon: Boring. Three hours away.
Patrick Jane: Desert's beautiful this time of year. Let's all go! We can bring a picnic lunch.


"The Mentalist: Red Listed (#6.4)" (2013)
[first lines]
Teresa Lisbon: [arriving at a crime scene] Agent Lisbon, Jane. CBI.
FBI Agent: Sorry, FBI personnel only.
Patrick Jane: Uh, we don't want to be here either, but we were invited.
Teresa Lisbon: Uh, could you tell Agent Reede Smith that we're here as requested?
[the agent leaves]
Teresa Lisbon: What do you think Smith wants?
Patrick Jane: I don't know. What do you think?
Teresa Lisbon: Every time we go to see one of these Red John suspects, I get edgy.
Patrick Jane: Really? I can't tell.

Teresa Lisbon: How can we be of help, Agent Smith?
Reede Smith: We caught a body. I thought it might interest you.
Patrick Jane: And why would you say that?
Reede Smith: You tell me.
Patrick Jane: [studying the body, he notices a distinctive cuff link] This is Benjamin Marx.
Reede Smith: The guy you buried alive.
Patrick Jane: Excuse me, the *killer* I buried alive. And I did let him out, eventually.
Reede Smith: Not bad. That's a tough ID, considering most of his face is burned off. What do you think happened to him?
Patrick Jane: You're the FBI. I'm sure you have the answers already.
Reede Smith: Okay. Tell me what I've come up with.
Patrick Jane: Well, the first thing you'd notice is that he was tortured, with fire and whatever it is people use to cut someone's thumbs off.
Reede Smith: And what do I think he was tortured for?
Patrick Jane: Well, your guess would be sadistic pleasure, but you'd be wrong. More likely he was tortured for information. Information that he didn't have.
Reede Smith: How do you know he didn't have it?
Patrick Jane: Because if he had it, the killer would only have had to burn off half his face.

Teresa Lisbon: Why are we here, Agent Smith?
Reede Smith: Marx was out on bail while he stood trial. Things were looking for him, too. I mean, you tortured him into a confession, so a little good lawyering, a little luck, and he could walk. I bet that really chapped your hide, huh, Jane?
Patrick Jane: Not at all.
Teresa Lisbon: That's the best theory the FBI can come up with? That Jane killed Benjamin Marx and burned his face off?
Reede Smith: We're exploring every angle. He's an angle.
Patrick Jane: Listen, if I wanted to kill Benjamin Marx, I would have done it the first time. He was a sociopath that stole from widows and orphans, and he got what he deserved, but I didn't do it.
Reede Smith: We'll see.
Patrick Jane: Yes, we will.

Teresa Lisbon: What's going on, Jane?
Patrick Jane: Nothing.
Teresa Lisbon: Tell me.
Patrick Jane: I said it's nothing.
Teresa Lisbon: It's never "nothing" with you. You think Smith is Red John?
Patrick Jane: Possibly.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, if he isn't Red John, he's an idiot for thinking you could have anything to do with Marx's death.
Patrick Jane: Well, he's not completely wrong. I mean, I didn't kill Benjamin Marx, but I might have got him killed.

Teresa Lisbon: Okay, no more secrets. Spill it, now.
Patrick Jane: I was concerned with security when I was working my list of Red John suspects.
Teresa Lisbon: Obsessively secretive.
Patrick Jane: Well, you say tomato. But I knew there were people that needed that information, so I planted what you would call misinformation on my crime board.
Teresa Lisbon: So whoever saw your crime board got the list of the seven Red John suspects.
Patrick Jane: But they would be the wrong suspects, exactly. And it worked. Someone broke into my office.
Teresa Lisbon: How do you know?
Patrick Jane: Well, I set a trap and it was sprung. Now this person has a fake list of Red John suspects, and Benjamin Marx was on that list.
Teresa Lisbon: So somebody is torturing and killing the people on your fake list.
Patrick Jane: Whoa, whoa. Not necessarily. Someone tortured and killed one person from my list. Theoretically, his death could be about anything. He wasn't a nice man.

Teresa Lisbon: This is bad.
Patrick Jane: Not really. Confirms the theory that someone is going through my list, trying to find Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: Haibach has been abducted and he's probably gonna be tortured to death.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, he's in for a a rough night.
Teresa Lisbon: And we have to tell Smith and the FBI that he's been taken and that it's connected to the Marks case.
Patrick Jane: No, we don't.
Teresa Lisbon: We can't lie.
Patrick Jane: We do it all the time.
Teresa Lisbon: He's gonna put it together eventually, and it'll be worse.
Patrick Jane: Okay, fine, tell him. But do not mention the list. Just tell him that someone else connected to an old case of ours has gone missing.
Teresa Lisbon: Agreed. What do we do now?
Patrick Jane: I will have the answer for that very soon.

Teresa Lisbon: I am trying to wrap my mind around this. Now, you put the lives of seven innocent people in danger.
Patrick Jane: No, none of them are innocent. Marx defrauded hundreds of people, then he brutally murdered someone to cover it up. I assure you, Lisbon, all of these men are very bad. They just don't happen to be Red John.

Teresa Lisbon: [in Jane's loft] Do you think the real Red John could have broken in here and killed Marx?
Patrick Jane: Well, Red John is the only person besides us who knows the real list of suspects, so he is the only person that has no motive to do this.
Teresa Lisbon: Then who broke in here?
Patrick Jane: I don't know. Someone with easy access, a lot of resources, and power.
Teresa Lisbon: The FBI. They've been wanting to get their hands on the Red John case for a while. They were not happy when Homeland Security took over.
Patrick Jane: True. You know, I've always suspected the FBI were watching me, personally.
Teresa Lisbon: As paranoid as it sounds, it would explain how they got the Marx case. But why would they do this to him? And how do we proceed? I can't just go to the FBI and ask them if they killed Marx.
Patrick Jane: If the FBI has been watching me, I'll bet that someone very high up in the CBI authorized it, or at least went along with it. I need to talk to them.
Teresa Lisbon: Bertram. But you obviously can't ask him.
Patrick Jane: Madeleine Hightower, then.
Teresa Lisbon: Hightower? She hasn't run the CBI in three years. What kind of information do you think she still has access to? And if so, why would she share it with you?
Patrick Jane: Well, Red John tried to kill her. She's gonna want to help me.
Teresa Lisbon: Unless she blames you.
Patrick Jane: Eh, I'm gonna call her.

Patrick Jane: Oh, what do you have planned for the day? You don't officially have a case, do you? You can relax. Get a massage, mani-pedi.
Teresa Lisbon: No. I have to go and offer protection to the six people on your list, which you are going to give me.
Patrick Jane: I was hoping you'd opt for the massage.

Patrick Jane: How's the roundup going?
Teresa Lisbon: Haibach wouldn't come with me. I think he's hiding something.
Patrick Jane: Well, a guy like that probably takes issue with lady police. Ladies in general.
Teresa Lisbon: You're right. You know what? I'll send Cho and Rigsby.
Patrick Jane: Or not. Would the world really miss him if something happened?
Teresa Lisbon: And that's the difference between you and me.

Madeleine Hightower: When Minelli was chief of the CBI, he struck a deal with FBI Director Shultz.
Patrick Jane: What did Shultz want?
Madeleine Hightower: She wanted reports, on you. Minelli provided them. When Minelli retired, that became a part of my job. But the intel wasn't going exactly going to the FBI. I found out that Shultz was passing it on to Homeland Security.
Patrick Jane: Bob Kirkland?
Madeleine Hightower: Yes.
Patrick Jane: Why?
Madeleine Hightower: He thought you were Red John.
Patrick Jane: [realizing] Of course. How long have Homeland Security been watching me?
Madeleine Hightower: Eight, nine years. I did what I thought was best at the time. Don't expect me to apologize.
Patrick Jane: No, no, I won't.
Madeleine Hightower: Jane, you cannot tell anyone you saw me. Even Lisbon.
Patrick Jane: And I won't. I meant what I said. I'm gonna kill Red John. And you're gonna get your life back.
Madeleine Hightower: I hope so. So what's next?
Patrick Jane: Well, I'm gonna go see Bob Kirkland.

Patrick Jane: Funny thing about the list. I... I'd rather not share it with you.
Bob Kirkland: I get it. It's been your pet project for a long time. Mine, too. But you will share it with me.
Patrick Jane: What if I just give you one name to start? Robert Kirkland.
Bob Kirkland: Interesting. Makes sense, actually. But it doesn't really help me with my cause, though, does it?
Patrick Jane: No, I suppose not. I was wrong about you. You're not Red John; you're hunting him, same as me.
Bob Kirkland: Not exactly the same. I'm wiling to kill seven people to get the job done.
Patrick Jane: Touché.
Bob Kirkland: Why aren't you?
Patrick Jane: 'Cause that would make me a murderer.
Bob Kirkland: You're planning on murdering Red John. That doesn't make any sense.
Patrick Jane: Okay, so we... we... we both have different approaches, but the important thing here is that we share a common goal. We can help each other if we work together.
Bob Kirkland: I'm not interested in working together, and I doubt you are, either. We both want our revenge, and only one of us is going to get it.

Bob Kirkland: Do you have siblings, Jane?
Patrick Jane: No.
Bob Kirkland: I had a twin brother, Michael. We were very close growing up.
Patrick Jane: I hear that's a strong bond.
Bob Kirkland: Our father was a sadistic drunk. Beat the crap out of us, and our mother. Beat her until she couldn't take it anymore.
Patrick Jane: She left?
Bob Kirkland: Yeah, with a razor blade. After that, it was just me and Michael. I was all he had.
Patrick Jane: You were the stronger one.
Bob Kirkland: Yeah. I grew up, I got away, but Michael couldn't do it. He stayed at home and watched our father drink himself to death.
Patrick Jane: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Bob Kirkland: You're right. Michael turned to the bottle. Drank like his life depended on it. I paid for treatments, I took him to meetings; nothing worked.
Patrick Jane: Until?
Bob Kirkland: Until one day he met someone. A man who could help him.
Patrick Jane: More than a man. A savior.
Bob Kirkland: Yeah. Red John. He only asked for a few simple things in return.
Patrick Jane: Devotion and sacrifice.
Bob Kirkland: Michael drifted further and further away, 'till one day he was gone. I never saw him again.
Patrick Jane: You think Red John killed your brother.
Bob Kirkland: Yes. I never found him, but in my heart, I know.
[heavy sigh]
Bob Kirkland: Look at me blab. I... you're not my therapist. I didn't bring you here to talk. Please tell me who the suspects are.
Patrick Jane: No.
Bob Kirkland: Have it your way.
[picking up a pair of gardening shears and advancing on Jane]
Bob Kirkland: You understand I'm gonna have to torture you?

Patrick Jane: Taking pleasure in this?
Madeleine Hightower: Don't get me wrong. You are a pain in the ass.
Patrick Jane: Oh, thank you.
Madeleine Hightower: But I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you, especially when it would be my fault.
Patrick Jane: I'm sure your conscience is clear now.
Madeleine Hightower: It is. Now leave me alone. The next time I hear from you, you'd better be telling me Red John is dead.
Patrick Jane: Deal. That is a deal. Thank you, Madeleine.
Madeleine Hightower: [he kisses her cheek] You're welcome, Patrick. Good luck.

Teresa Lisbon: You sure you're all right?
Patrick Jane: The list is down to five names. That is a very manageable number.
Teresa Lisbon: Somehow that doesn't reassure me.
Patrick Jane: We're in the home stretch, Lisbon.


"The Mentalist: Bloodshot (#1.16)" (2009)
Kimball Cho: How is he?
Teresa Lisbon: Guess what, he's a bad patient.
Patrick Jane: I'm not a bad patient. She's a bad visitor.

Patrick Jane: Oh please don't look at each other like that.
Teresa Lisbon: Like what? You can't see.
Patrick Jane: I can feel. I can feel your pity.

Grace Van Pelt: Hey, aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?
Patrick Jane: Nope.
Grace Van Pelt: Yes. You are.
Patrick Jane: No. They had enough of me. Can't say I blame 'em.

Grace Van Pelt: And no offense, but why is my person life have any concern to you? Or Rigsby, for that matter?
Patrick Jane: Who me? I'm just nosy. But Rigsby, he loves you... He's just scared of emotional committment. And you're attracted to him, but you're deeply repressed and emotionally shutdown.

Virgil Minelli: Someone did try to kill him, remember? We can protect him better here.
Patrick Jane: Thank you, Virgil.
Virgil Minelli: Okay, but this is a favor. If you die in this department, I'm responsible. I do all the paperwork. In fact, if he does die for whatever reason, move him to a public area, would you? I'd be very grateful.

Patrick Jane: [after Lisbon save Jane and Van Pelt] What? What happened? Something good happened?
Teresa Lisbon: Didn't I say "No excitement of any kind?"

Patrick Jane: [Removing his glasses] Oh, you have no notion how good it is to see your face, Rigsby.
Teresa Lisbon: Rigsby?
Patrick Jane: Aaah
[laughs]
Teresa Lisbon: Huh? You're funny.

Patrick Jane: [to an angry bouncer] Can I hold your hand?

Teresa Lisbon: [bursting into room] Jane?
Patrick Jane: Oh... oh, that was loud. That scared me.

Patrick Jane: Andrews didn't do it.
Teresa Lisbon: Did you sense that with your superpowers?
Patrick Jane: Yes. I did. He's filled with anger, but not fearful, guilty, murderous anger, that has a tang of ammonia about it. His is a more clean, righteous anger. Lemony.
Teresa Lisbon: Lemony.

Patrick Jane: This blind thing really works. Without my vision, I can tune into my other senses much more clearly.
Teresa Lisbon: That's great. Let me go make you a superhero costume. What do you want to be called?

Teresa Lisbon: I'll do worse if you don't stop mouthing off to people who are trying to help you!
Patrick Jane: Pinched me!
Kimball Cho: How is he?
Teresa Lisbon: Guess what? He's a bad patient.
Kimball Cho: Who'd have thought.
Patrick Jane: I'm not a bad patient, she's a bad visitor.

Dr. Fuller: You're a lucky man, Mr. Jane. This could have been much worse.
Patrick Jane: Yes, that's what people keep telling me. But why is it I can't see, doctor?
Dr. Fuller: Well, there's a moderate concussion, with some short-term memory loss. Disorientation, headache, and of course, fleeting blindness. It was most likely due to small floating blood clots in the vessels around the eyes, demonstrating a CVI, or cortical visual impairment.
Teresa Lisbon: How long will his vision be affected?
Dr. Fuller: Well, that's hard to say, really. The body's healing powers are unpredictable. But 48 to 72 hours is the norm. We must wait and see, so to speak.
Patrick Jane: Ah, humor. Great. Everybody loves a witty doctor in times of trouble. You know, I've heard enough. Do you think you can take this conversation outside, please?
Dr. Fuller: Mr. Jane, this is temporary. Your sight will return and you'll be back to work. But it's gonna take time and patience.
Patrick Jane: Well, time I have and patience I lost a while ago.
Dr. Fuller: You're alive. Appreciate it.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I do. Believe me, I do.

Kimball Cho: The victim is James Medina, 44. Stockbroker out of Highland. The van wasn't his; it was reported stolen yesterday. We're digging up everything we can on Medina. A question is it possible he was on some bizarre suicide mission?
Patrick Jane: No. I looked in his eyes. It was very much a man who didn't want to be where he was. Whoever did this wanted me to watch James Medina die in terror.
Kimball Cho: And nearly killed you, too.
Patrick Jane: Well, that wasn't the intention, no.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, what, then?
Patrick Jane: "Ur next" was written on the man's forehead.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: I don't know why.


"The Mentalist: The Red Tattoo (#6.5)" (2013)
Hotel Security: I entered the room at 10:58 p.m. The victim, Chad Parkman, was on the floor in some distress. He stated he had been stabbed by another individual.
Patrick Jane: Hmm.
Hotel Security: Although he appeared to be alone in the room.
Patrick Jane: [Lisbon enters] Lisbon. Uh, this is the head of hotel security, a fount of information. Agent Lisbon is from the CBI. She'll be happy to listen to you.

Hotel Security: When I was outside the room, I heard them struggling. Then heard the victim cry out when he was stabbed. But then I got the door open, he was all alone.
Teresa Lisbon: Window's open.
Patrick Jane: It's a long way down. And a long way up to the roof. I don't think he went that way.
Hotel Security: So, what? Magic?
Patrick Jane: Nope. Just a trick.
Ray Haffner: [entering] And we all know how good you are at those, don't we? Tricks, I mean. Hey, Teresa.
Teresa Lisbon: Ray. What are you doing here? You don't work at the CBI anymore.
Ray Haffner: I'm with a client.
Patrick Jane: He works for Visualize.
Jason Cooper: [entering behind Ray] He does. And this is a Visualize matter.
Hotel Security: Who are they?
Patrick Jane: Uh, this is Jason Cooper. Errand boy for cult leader Bret Stiles, and Ray Haffner, who is a member of the cult.
Jason Cooper: Visualize is not a cult. And it is exactly bigotry like that that leads to murders like this.

Jason Cooper: Chad Parkman was a prominent member of the Visualize community. We view his murder as a hate crime. Mr. Haffner is to be included in your investigation.
Ray Haffner: Purely as a victim's advocate. But I do like the idea of working with you again, Teresa.
Teresa Lisbon: I appreciate your concern, Mr. Cooper, but we never let civilians in our investigations, ever.
Ray Haffner: [gesturing to Jane] Never ever?
Teresa Lisbon: Well, he's... he's different.
Patrick Jane: I'm different.

Ray Haffner: So, any ideas on the case yet?
Patrick Jane: Just questions.
Ray Haffner: It's a stumper, isn't it? Speaking of which, how's your Red John investigation going?
Patrick Jane: In the bag.

Ray Haffner: You know, we study you at Visualize now.
Patrick Jane: Oh.
Ray Haffner: Yeah. Your blind struggle against fate. So heroic. So fruitless. Bret says there's a lot to be learned from watching Patrick Jane, so we all do.
Patrick Jane: So much anger. It's not good for you.
Ray Haffner: Anger? I'm not angry.
Patrick Jane: Annihilating rage. About what, I have no idea.
Ray Haffner: You don't know anything about me.
Patrick Jane: Well, just what's written on your face.
Ray Haffner: You're so much smarter than everybody else, right? But it isn't helping you catch Red John, is it? Here's a switch for you: I'm gonna predict your future. There's a comeuppance headed your way.
Patrick Jane: [giving him an amused grin] You're a worse psychic than you were a cop.

Bill Mylar: Excuse me. You're the guy from CBI?
Kimball Cho: That's right. Agent Kimball Cho.
Bill Mylar: I'm Bill Mylar, co-owner. We talked on the phone.
Kimball Cho: Right.
Kira Tinsley: Oh, wait. You're here investigating something?
Kimball Cho: A murder.
Bill Mylar: I thought you were gonna come directly to my office.
Patrick Jane: Uh, we decided to talk to some of your clientele. You don't mind, do you?
Bill Mylar: Anything that helps, but the truth is everybody here at the gym loved Chad.
Patrick Jane: People always say that about the dead. Seldom is it true.

Kimball Cho: Boss wants us back.
Patrick Jane: [taking Cho's phone] Lisbon, you find something?
Teresa Lisbon: The knife that killed Parkman at the site of Rigsby's carjacking.
Patrick Jane: What was the carjacking victim's name?
Teresa Lisbon: Frost. Devin Frost.
Patrick Jane: [covering the phone speaker, to Mylar] Tell me about Devin Frost.
Bill Mylar: Devin? He used to work here. He's a good kid.
Patrick Jane: Interesting news. The plot thickens.
[raising the phone again]
Patrick Jane: Plot thickens. Lisbon?
[hanging up and handing the phone back to Cho]
Patrick Jane: She's gone.

Grace Van Pelt: Boss, just got Frost's phone records. Look at this. That's Ray Haffner's cell phone. Frost called it three times the week before he stabbed Parkman.
Patrick Jane: Well, let's go see what brother Ray has to say about that.
Teresa Lisbon: He's not here. He went to the hotel. He said he had to check on something.
Patrick Jane: We'll go there.
Teresa Lisbon: No, you stay here. Grace and I will go.
Patrick Jane: Don't be ridiculous.
Teresa Lisbon: We'll be fine. He's more likely to let something slip to us than he would to you.
Patrick Jane: All right. But what am I supposed to do? Just sit around?
Teresa Lisbon: Well, we still haven't figured out how Frost got out of the hotel room after he stabbed Parkman.
Patrick Jane: Except Frost couldn't have been there in the first place, could he?
Teresa Lisbon: You said it was a trick. Figure it out.

Teresa Lisbon: When Parkman was stabbed, the knife glanced over the rib and barely nicked the aorta. Haffner wasn't lying; the coroner says that there was a struggle after the stabbing that caused the nick to tear, and that's what started the hemorrhaging that killed Parkman.
[glancing out the office window, Jane notices Cho leaving with Kira]
Teresa Lisbon: And... and if Frost and Parkman were really struggling, and that's what caused the hemorrhage, how is it that Frost didn't get Parkman's blood all over him? And how did he avoid tracking bloody footprints out of the room?
[as she talks, Jane laughs to himself]
Teresa Lisbon: Jane?
Patrick Jane: I just solved the case.

Patrick Jane: Lisbon, can I ask a favor?
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: Uh, can you go get one of those elastic exercise bands? The kind that help you stretch with?
Teresa Lisbon: What do you need one of those for?
Patrick Jane: Bring it to Parkman's hotel room. I'll meet you there.

Patrick Jane: So, the gun was found somewhere here, right?
Wayne Rigsby: Mm-hmm.
Patrick Jane: And the hotel is... that way, yes?
Wayne Rigsby: Right. You can't see it, but it's just the other side of that wall.
Patrick Jane: I'm right.
Kimball Cho: About what?
Patrick Jane: Uh, you stay here with Rigsby. And keep *very* alert. I don't want anyone getting hurt.

Patrick Jane: Grace needs to trace this immediately.
Teresa Lisbon: Why? What's going on?
Patrick Jane: Cooper wasn't lying. He didn't bug the CBI.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, who did?
Patrick Jane: Red John. We need to find Kira Tinsley. She either works for Red John or she's about to become his next victim.

Patrick Jane: [finding Kira dying] Who did this to you? Tell me.
Kira Tinsley: [weakly] Tattoo... tattoo on his left arm.

[last lines]
Teresa Lisbon: What did she say?
Patrick Jane: She told me Red John has a tattoo on his left shoulder. Three dots. That's my leverage. I got him.


"The Mentalist: Redacted (#3.20)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Ah, Donny Culpepper. What a surprise to see you here.
Donny Culpepper: Monday I appear before a judge. You got til then to get me out of here.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, well, um, that could be a little problematic.
Donny Culpepper: Otherwise I will tell everyone how you hired me to rob your boss's house.
Patrick Jane: ...Well, that's just snitching. Isn't that against your code of honor?
Donny Culpepper: No.

Teresa Lisbon: What's going on with you? You've been acting strange since this case started.
Patrick Jane: Strange?
[Jane chuckles]
Patrick Jane: Strange how? Strange like
[Jane makes a strange sound]
Patrick Jane: Or
[Jane acts strange. Cho enters]
Kimball Cho: Boss, Rigsby's
[Cho pauses slightly noticing Jane's behavior]
Kimball Cho: got something.

Wayne Rigsby: Okay, I need you to keep him on the phone for at least two minutes.
Patrick Jane: [Jane answers the phone] Hi. This is Patrick Jane. Listen I know who you are.
Omar Hassan: SHUT UP! I am coming to get you! I don't know who you are, but I will make you pay for this!
Patrick Jane: No. You shut up! You listen to me. I know what you want, and the only way you're going to get it is to meet me in person. We've got something to settle here. Outside the repair shop in one hour. You be there, you get what you want. If you don't, you'll never see it again. Simple as that!
[Jane ends the call. Lisbon groans]
Kimball Cho: What was that?
Wayne Rigsby: I said two minutes! That was hardly thirty seconds.
Patrick Jane: I just thought it would be simpler to bring him to us. It's okay. Thank me later. Now the strangeness we were talking about.
Teresa Lisbon: Never mind.

Teresa Lisbon: Wait a minute. You're leaving again? What is going on with you?
Patrick Jane: When have I ever steered you wrong before?... When have I ever *really* steered you where I've done something that didn't work out the way I wanted it to?
Teresa Lisbon: Seriously?
Patrick Jane: Okay, fine. Let me put it this way: when have I ever *intentionally* screwed things up so that we couldn't solve the case?
Teresa Lisbon: ...No. Not that I know of, at least.
Patrick Jane: That's fine. Thank you. Have a little faith, Lisbon.

Teresa Lisbon: I knew something was going on with you. What is it?... The absolute truth or I beat it out of you.
Patrick Jane: LaRoche has something I need. So I hired Culpepper to break into LaRoche's house. If I can't get the charges dropped, Culpepper is going to tell on me.
Teresa Lisbon: ...Oh my God.
Patrick Jane: I know it's bad, Hightower didn't kill anyone,she was framed Red John has a friend inside CBI
Teresa Lisbon: The Todd Johnson Murder, La Roche shortlisted a few suspects leading to Hightower, that's what you need, the list?
Patrick Jane: There were four names on that list besides Hightower. So one of them is working for Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: Did you ask LaRoche?
Patrick Jane: LaRoche? No. Because if it's not one of those names, then LaRoche is Red John's man.
Teresa Lisbon: Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?
Patrick Jane: I didn't want to put you in danger
Teresa Lisbon: You're an idiot. I will fix this. But we are going to have a *serious* talk after
[she leaves]
Patrick Jane: I've been trying to fix it all week, I even had the perfect escape planned then he decides I want the charges dropped!

Patrick Jane: There were four names on that list besides Hightower. So one of them is working for Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: Did you ask LaRoche?
Patrick Jane: LaRoche? No. Because if it's not one of those names, then LaRoche is Red John's man.
Teresa Lisbon: Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?
Patrick Jane: I didn't want to put you in danger.
Teresa Lisbon: You're an idiot. I will fix this. But we are going to have a *serious* talk after.

Teresa Lisbon: You're gonna owe me big time.
Patrick Jane: For what exactly?
Teresa Lisbon: [Lisbon picks up a paperweight and prepares to throw it at Jane] Oh?
Patrick Jane: Ah! Two words- anger management.
[Lisbon puts the weight down. Jane leaves. Then Jane pops his head back into Lisbon's office]
Patrick Jane: Hey. Thank you.

Heather Blue: Where is it?
[She follows Patrick]
Patrick Jane: You're standing on top of it
Heather Blue: Under the carpet?
Patrick Jane: It is the carpet, touch it pure silk
Heather Blue: [feels the carpet] It looks so old
Patrick Jane: It's very old, I've got to call this in
Heather Blue: Wait, if you do call it in, legal mess would never sort this out, it'd probably end up locked away in some government locker
Patrick Jane: Probably?
Heather Blue: What if we take it?
Patrick Jane: You want us to take the carpet, sell it and divide the profits between us
[chuckles]
Patrick Jane: that's a great idea, 50/50 split
Heather Blue: 50/50 split
Patrick Jane: [They shake hands] What did Fisher say when you suggested that to him?
Heather Blue: Fisher was a soft headed fool
Patrick Jane: [walks away] Oh, so Heather you knew about the money, you knew he was never in the Peace Corp?
Heather Blue: I never said that
Patrick Jane: No, No, No, he told you about the money, he told you about his identity and you shot him
[turns his back]
Patrick Jane: I need to call this in, Lisbon will be very happy to know
[Heather draws a gun]
Patrick Jane: Are you pointing a gun at me?
[Turns around with his phone in an almost open hand]
Heather Blue: Teddy was not who he said he was, the man I loved was in the Peace Corp, he was going to save the world then I found out he was a soldier, he was a killer!
Patrick Jane: So you shot him, that's a little counter tuitive?
Heather Blue: You don't understand, you can only see things from your boudoir government minds, do you know how much good we could do with all that money, how many animal shelters we could save! When I told him, he talked to me like I was some sort of criminal
Patrick Jane: Well you are
Heather Blue: No, blessed is what I am, the universe wants me to have this money, I'm sorry, I have to kill you now but I'm doing it from a place of love
Kimball Cho: [enters] Freeze! Drop your weapon!
Heather Blue: [dropping the gun] Wow!

Heather Blue: Where is it?
[She follows Patrick]
Patrick Jane: You're standing on top of it
Heather Blue: Under the carpet?
Patrick Jane: It is the carpet, touch it pure silk
Heather Blue: [feels the carpet] It looks so old
Patrick Jane: It's very old, I've got to call this in
Heather Blue: Wait, if you do call it in, legal mess would never sort this out, it'd probably end up locked away in some government locker
Patrick Jane: Probably?
Heather Blue: What if we take it?
Patrick Jane: You want us to take the carpet, sell it and divide the profits between us
[chuckles]
Patrick Jane: that's a great idea, 50/50 split
Heather Blue: 50/50 split
Patrick Jane: [They shake hands] What did Fisher say when you suggested that to him?
Heather Blue: Fisher was a soft headed fool
Patrick Jane: [walks away] Oh, so Heather you knew about the money, you knew he was never in the Peace Corp?
Heather Blue: I never said that
Patrick Jane: No, No, No, he told you about the money, he told you about his identity and you shot him
[turns his back]
Patrick Jane: I need to call this in, Lisbon will be very happy to know
[Heather draws a gun]
Patrick Jane: Are you pointing a gun at me?
[Turns around with his phone in an almost open hand]
Heather Blue: Teddy was not who he said he was, the man I loved was in the Peace Corp, he was going to save the world then I found out he was a soldier, he was a killer!
Patrick Jane: So you shot him, that's a little counter tuitive?
Heather Blue: You don't understand, you can only see things from your boudoir government minds, do you know how much good we could do with all that money, how many animal shelters we could save! When I told him, he talked to me like I was some sort of criminal
Patrick Jane: Well you are
Heather Blue: No, I'm blessed is what I am, the universe wants me to have this money, I'm sorry, I have to kill you now but I'm doing it from a place of love
Kimball Cho: [enters] Freeze! Drop your weapon!
Heather Blue: [dropping the gun] Wow!

J.J. LaRoche: What were you thinking? Because of your actions, Donald Culpepper cannot stand trial
Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry, frustration at the job
J.J. LaRoche: Your apology is of no import
Patrick Jane: Come on, did he steal anything?
[Lisbon glares at him]
J.J. LaRoche: [to Lisbon] A week suspension is mandatory and six months of anger management
Patrick Jane: Oh!
[spins around in his chair]

Teresa Lisbon: There you are, where you been?
Patrick Jane: Out back checking out escape routes
Teresa Lisbon: You get anything?
Patrick Jane: The killer didn't find what he was looking for
Grace Van Pelt: How do you know?
Patrick Jane: This entire room has been torn apart, you find what you're looking for, you end your search, one side should be untouched
Grace Van Pelt: Unless he found it in the last place he looked
Patrick Jane: The possibility of finding something in the last place you look is extremely improbable
[he walks away]
Teresa Lisbon: Where are you going?
Patrick Jane: As much as I enjoy the surroundings,we do need to solve this case, it is our job am I wrong?

Patrick Jane: I've got nothing
J.J. LaRoche: That's disappointing, something got you off your game, distracted?
Patrick Jane: No, not at all

Teresa Lisbon: You coming or what?
Patrick Jane: Are those bulletproof vests?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah
Patrick Jane: I don't think so, good luck

Patrick Jane: Oh, damn, I forgot something. I'll meet you there.
Teresa Lisbon: Wait, forgot what?
Patrick Jane: Uh, my uh, frumbahollymorgansterning.


"The Mentalist: Il Tavolo Bianco (#6.20)" (2014)
Marshal Lawson: Patrick Jane? You are Patrick Jane?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, when it suits me.

Lydia Faulk: In a moment, I'll open the floor up to you so you can provide a narrative of events to explain what you were doing and where you were on the date and time of Thomas McAllister's murder.
Patrick Jane: Objection. You said murder. Thomas McAllister may have shot and strangled himself.

Patrick Jane: Have you decided?
Teresa Lisbon: Decided what?
Patrick Jane: Whether or not you're gonna go with him.
Teresa Lisbon: No. Not yet.
Patrick Jane: Well, I hope you stay.
Teresa Lisbon: You do?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I think you'll be bored in D.C.
Teresa Lisbon: That's why I should stay, to avoid boredom?
Patrick Jane: What's worse than boredom?

Teresa Lisbon: [after Jane is arrested] What's going on?
Marshal Lawson: The Attorney General has found your coworker in contempt of court for ignoring a federal subpoena. Teresa Lisbon?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, that's me.
Marshal Lawson: You've been subpoenaed to appear before a federal grand jury in Dallas.
Kim Fischer: [Coming up to them] What's happening here?
Marshal Lawson: Are you Kim Fischer?
Kim Fischer: Yes.
Marshal Lawson: You've been subpoenaed to appear before a federal grand jury, as well.
[to Jane]
Marshal Lawson: Let's go.
Patrick Jane: [to Fischer and Lisbon] Uh, probably best not to ignore those.

Teresa Lisbon: What are you doing here?
Patrick Jane: Uh, I'm out on
[Air Quotes]
Patrick Jane: "bail".
Kim Fischer: What does "bail" mean?
Teresa Lisbon: It was a con.
Patrick Jane: Uh, technically the term is "sting".

Patrick Jane: You guys didn't answer my question. Did anyone narc on me?

Teresa Lisbon: I can't believe you got a prosecutor to take part in the con.
Patrick Jane: It's not a con. It's a sting. Sting.

Lydia Faulk: Do you recall the day of McAllister's death?
Patrick Jane: I do - big day. I had been chasing the man for eight years. Any of you know what it's like to be driven by a moral imperative?
[to various members of the jury]
Patrick Jane: You do. And you. And you do. You all have strong jaw muscles.It's a sign of strength and character.
[to an older juror]
Patrick Jane: You - I'm not so sure. Your eyes are a tad close to each other.

Lydia Faulk: Where are you going with this?
Patrick Jane: I'm trying to tell my story, if you'll just let me.
Lydia Faulk: You haven't even started it.
Patrick Jane: [about the Jury] Well, they seem engaged. All of them except this gentlemen here, who's preoccupied by his new jacket. That's a little vain and childish, don't you think? This is serious business. Pay attention.
Euro Man: [Embarrassed] I'm sorry. I was just trying to...
Lydia Faulk: [Cuts him off, peeved] Sir, you will not indulge him.
Patrick Jane: Well, he's happy to indulge himself. That should definitely be on the record.
Lydia Faulk: Mr. Jane, this is not a forum for you to chat with the jurors.
Patrick Jane: Well, it should be.
Lydia Faulk: Mr. Jane...
Patrick Jane: They just seem like good, honest, friendly people, all of them except that gentleman on the end there. You know, you really should mend things with your son. All this anger, this bitterness, this resentment that you're bottling, it's ruining both your lives.
Lydia Faulk: [Very angry] Stop now. You do not dictate the agenda here.
Patrick Jane: Who does?
Lydia Faulk: I do. This is my courtroom, and it runs the way I say. Is that clear?
Patrick Jane: [Cheerily] It is now. Thank you.

Patrick Jane: You're right-handed.
Daniela Welker: Uh, yes.
Patrick Jane: So, that heart on your hand, you didn't draw that?
Daniela Welker: Uh, no. They did.
Kimball Cho: Yeah, we don't know what that means. None of the other girls we rescued had that mark.
Daniela Welker: Guess I'm special.

Jason Wylie: This is all the physical evidence from the Elijah Macy murder scene. I sorted it by order of relevance with this end of the table being most relevant.
Patrick Jane: What do you consider relevant?
Jason Wylie: Any object that can yield trace evidence of the shooter. If we I. D. the triggerman, we can cut a deal with him to finger Acardo.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, uh, trace evidence, that's the fibers and the hairs and the gooey stuff, yeah?
Jason Wylie: That's an oversimplification, but, yes. In the last year alone, there are 17 new methods for extracting DNA evidence from...
Patrick Jane: Yeah, we know that there's a lot of ways to find out what we need, right, Wylie? Hmm?
Jason Wylie: Yeah.
Patrick Jane: So, uh, there's the federal way, with the trace evidence, and then there's a more interesting way. Let's go with the more interesting way.

Patrick Jane: [Examining an overcoat from the evidence table] What was the weather like the day of the murder?
Jason Wylie: Pretty warm, if I'm not mistaken.
Patrick Jane: [Checks the coat lining] Holes. Hmm. Interesting. You see that, Wylie?
Jason Wylie: Uh-huh.
Patrick Jane: Okay, so, if this didn't belong to the victim, you have just solved the case.
Jason Wylie: [Slightly confused] I did?
Patrick Jane: Well done. Find out if it belonged to the victim or not.
Jason Wylie: Okay?

Dennis Abbott: Did you hear the news? Your grand jury investigation ended. And they voted to indict you for murder.
Patrick Jane: Well, is it any wonder?
Dennis Abbott: Well, the A. G. is making it go away, but, you know, it's a good thing that you're under our protection.
Patrick Jane: Hm. That's a fact that you'll never let me forget.


"The Mentalist: Code Red (#2.16)" (2010)
Alicia Seberg: Good morning, Mr. Jane. My name is Dr. Alicia Seberg. I gather from a brief search on the internet that you're the best detective in my immediate vicinity.
Patrick Jane: Oh, well, um, you flatter me, but I'm not actually a detective.
Alicia Seberg: I need your professional assistance. Please come immediately. I've been murdered.

Patrick Jane: [Referring to Lisbon] Well she looks surprised because you seem incredibly calm and cool for a man whose wife is dying.
Dr. Cliff Edmunds: How would an absense of calm and cool be useful to her?
Patrick Jane: Good point.

Patrick Jane: Ooo. This is a good one.
Teresa Lisbon: Good?
Patrick Jane: Well, interesting. Unique.
Teresa Lisbon: If you're a jaded ghoulish adventure seeker.
Patrick Jane: Ghoulish? Listen, if people are going to kill each other off, and we have to catch them, I would much rather they go about it with some kind of originality.

Patrick Jane: My name's Patrick Jane. I'm here to find out who killed your mother.
Isabel Seberg: Good. Kill them please.
Patrick Jane: I wish I was allowed to do that. You know you should probably step away from your computer. Do you have any friends nearby?
Isabel Seberg: I want to be with my mother.

Patrick Jane: Chocolate and grief is a good combination. You should try it. It'll taste so much... deeper more intense. Everything will feel that way for a while. You'll feel more alive. You should probably try to hold on to that feeling as long as you can. It's a gift.

Patrick Jane: [after the chamber door opens] That wasn't meant to happen was it? Uh oh!
[Runs out]

Teresa Lisbon: Tell me the truth. This is a trick, right?
Patrick Jane: No. Why would I do something like that? What would be the point?
Teresa Lisbon: Swear on your child's grave!
Patrick Jane: You know I don't do that. Not for anything.

Teresa Lisbon: Don't you have anybody you want to call besides Cho and Rigsby?
Patrick Jane: If I were dying, I'd want to call you, but you're already here, so there's no need.

Patrick Jane: Don't you feel good right now? Don't you feel happy to be alive?
Teresa Lisbon: No.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I know you do. You know you do.
Teresa Lisbon: If reason number one does not pan out very, *very* soon, I think I'm going to punch you in the nose!

Teresa Lisbon: You know what made me feel better? Punching you in the nose.
Patrick Jane: Ah, glad to be of service.

Dean Harken: Okay, it's time to open the bio-hazard chamber.
Patrick Jane: Oh, that sounds like fun-opening the bio-hazard chamber!

Patrick Jane: Second, and most important, doesn't it feel great to get your life back? Don't you feel good right now? Don't you feel happy to be alive?
Teresa Lisbon: No!
Patrick Jane: Oh, I know you do! You know you do!
Teresa Lisbon: And if reason number one doesn't pan out very *very* soon, I think I'm gonna punch you in the nose.
Patrick Jane: Okay, fair enough, but just you wait. Any minute Harken is going to come running around that corner with an anxious expression on his face because someone has run off... any minute now...
Teresa Lisbon: Nothing.
[punches Jane in the nose]
Patrick Jane: Oh!
[Harken runs around the corner, Jane points at him]
Patrick Jane: That's what I'm talking about!

Kimball Cho: [over the phone] Hey boss; we're about 5 minutes from your location.
Teresa Lisbon: Look, Cho; Jane and I have been exposed to the virus and it looks like we might die soon.
Kimball Cho: ...Okay.
Teresa Lisbon: I just wanted to thank you and Rigsby and Van Pelt. It has been an honor working with you. I need you to call my brother Tommy. His number is in my desk diary, it's under Town & Country Electrical. Tell him that I love him and that I forgive him for whatever. And he needs to make peace with his brothers; it's my last dying wish, you tell him that.
Kimball Cho: Will do.
[hangs up]
Patrick Jane: Oh, I actually wanted to talk to him too.
Teresa Lisbon: Sorry.
Patrick Jane: It was a fine farewell; I feared you'd become tearful and incoherent, but no. Strong. Noble. Bravo.
Teresa Lisbon: Ha-ha... don't you have anyone you wanna call besides Cho and Rigsby?
Patrick Jane: No; if I were dying, I'd want to call you, but you're already here, so there's no need.
Teresa Lisbon: Me? What would you say?
Patrick Jane: Meh.
Teresa Lisbon: Wha-wait a minute. If? If I was dying?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, you're not really dying, I took a label and put it on an empty flask and then convinced poor Lilith Nash to run away, which I thought was very...
Teresa Lisbon: You son of a bitch!


"The Mentalist: The Whites of His Eyes (#7.8)" (2015)
Patrick Jane: [playing foosball] Do you realize this is just a game?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not competitive. I just like to win.

Patrick Jane: Agent Spackman. Good to see you. I missed that face.
Ken Spackman: Lisbon. Jane. We got four murders in under three minutes. Twenty-nine year old realtor, sixty-seven year old coffee store owner, and two FBI agents. Good men. Good family men with, uh, young kids.
Dennis Abbott: No security cameras, no fingerprints. Guy was in and out like a ghost.

Ken Spackman: The murder victim, Edward Hu, was the key witness in a murder investigation into one Kelvin Bittaker. He beat a guy to death over a spilled drink.
Dennis Abbott: The family's been of interest to the Dallas FBI for some time. Their import/export car warehouse is a front.
Ken Spackman: This murder case, this is just a thin edge of the wedge. Now, the hope here is to use Kelvin's conviction to take the whole family down. Kelvin might be looking at the needle, which might make him more pliable.
Patrick Jane: Now, you said the hope "is", not "was", from which I surmise that you have another witness to the murder?
Ken Spackman: We do. A young woman. Young mother, actually. If we can convince her to testify after today, and if we can keep her alive.
Teresa Lisbon: You think the Bittakers have a hit out on her also? That'd be a pretty bold move at this point.
Ken Spackman: You can count on it. This woman's testimony is enough to bring them down. If Kelvin goes to jail, he's gonna take the whole family with him.

Dennis Abbott: The young woman, Lily Stoppard, is scheduled to testify in two days' time. With a hitman of this caliber, we've been asked to come and join the investigation.
Kimball Cho: Three perfect shots from close to a thousand yards. Not many snipers can can make hits from that distance with that kind of accuracy.
Michelle Vega: That should narrow it down, right?
Ken Spackman: I wish. Truth is the shooter could have been anybody. And these Bittakers, they can choose any number of their contacts to call in a hit. Shooter could be any nationality, he can be any age.
Patrick Jane: Nah, he's a regional guy.
Ken Spackman: And here we go.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Local boy with a sweet tooth for powdered sugar beignets. See? And they... they shook hands, obviously.
Ken Spackman: How do we know that the, uh, victim wasn't holding the beignet, Jane?
Patrick Jane: No, he's trim. He's spruced. He's on the job. He's not a pastry buff.
Ken Spackman: Doesn't mean that the shooter's regional. A lot of people like beignets.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I would argue that a lot of people don't even know what beignets are, Spackman. But I will concede you that point.
Ken Spackman: [sarcastic] Ah, thank you.
Patrick Jane: And I will focus on who hired him and what Kelvin did to that boy from San Diego. I'm guessing the Bittakers have very little tolerqnce for outsiders.
Teresa Lisbon: So if they ordered the hit, it would have been somebody they were comfortable with.

Dennis Abbott: Jane, the last remaining witness that we have, Lily Stoppard, she's in HQ under high security right now. Spackman would like you to talk to her.
Patrick Jane: Me? Why?
Ken Spackman: Because she might be reluctant to testify and we could do with a little charm.
Patrick Jane: A little charm?
Ken Spackman: Yeah.
Patrick Jane: I don't know if I should be insulted or, uh, flattered.
Ken Spackman: Well, whatever works.
Patrick Jane: A little bit of both.

Patrick Jane: What's your baby's name?
Lily Stoppard: Henry. After Matt's dad.
Patrick Jane: Henry. That's a good, strong name. I hate to talk to you about doing the right thing. Doing it is the easy part. Knowing what it is is tough.
Matthew Stoppard: And let me guess, you know what the right thing to do is?
Patrick Jane: No. No, I don't, Matthew. But, uh, I'm gonna ask you this. In years from now, when, uh, you tell Henry this story, how will it go? Did the three of you take an evil killer off the street or did you play it safe? Is Henry's birthright gonna be one of proud bravery or sensible caution? Tough call.

Ken Spackman: Nice work. I thought you were blowing it back there.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, nice work. You better look after that woman.
Ken Spackman: Hey, we will. You have my word.
Patrick Jane: I don't want your word. I want her safe.

Patrick Jane: Mrs. Bittaker, you are a fabulous liar.
Mrs. Bittacker: Sir, please don't mock me. My oldest boy is in jail for a crime he didn't do, and Ethan here has terrible health problems. Honey, you know I love you. And we're just making it hand to mouth until this whole mess is cleared up. And... and I have no idea what you're talking about.
Kimball Cho: Really? Because these Ferraris and Phantoms don't say "hand to mouth" to me.
Patrick Jane: It's like a master class in dishonesty.

Patrick Jane: Pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Bittaker. You have a wonderful family. You must be very proud.
Mrs. Bittacker: You can sneer at me all you like.
Patrick Jane: I will, thank you. Hey, lay off the antidepressants. They're making you slow. And you're still not happy, are you?

Teresa Lisbon: Looks pretty deserted.
Patrick Jane: No, I think there's someone here.
Ken Spackman: We have to assume there is. All right, here's the plan. Lisbon and I are gonna check it out. Jane, you stay.
Patrick Jane: [insulted] Ken, really? "Stay"?
Ken Spackman: Listen to me. For all we know, this lady's just bad at video games. All right? And I don't want to go upsetting the locals.
Patrick Jane: I... I'm happy to wait here. I'm not your dog.
[under his breath as Lisbon and Spackman leave]
Patrick Jane: Jackass.

Dennis Abbott: The hit is still in play. We'll hold Ethan for twenty-four hours, but Lydon has been a step ahead of us the whole way. We have to get ahead now.
Teresa Lisbon: Lily's testifying tomorrow.
Dennis Abbott: First thing in the morning, yeah. Now, Lydon probably already scoped out her hotel, so we'll change her.
Patrick Jane: Lily's safe as long as she's in her hotel room, yeah?
Dennis Abbott: Yes. She has full protection from the car to the courthouse.
Patrick Jane: But not en route to the car.
Dennis Abbott: No.
Patrick Jane: No. Yyou... you want to stay ahead of Lydon, you leave Lily where she is. We make our own plan.
Dennis Abbott: Okay. Which is what?
Patrick Jane: "The general who chooses the field of battle wisely wins before the fighting starts."
Dennis Abbott: Okay. I'm listening.

Patrick Jane: Hi.
Teresa Lisbon: You all right?
Patrick Jane: Uh... yeah, I'm fine.
Teresa Lisbon: Everything's gonna be okay tomorrow. You know that, right? We know what we're doing. It's a good plan. It's a really good plan.
Patrick Jane: He has a good plan, too.
Teresa Lisbon: We're gonna be safe.
Patrick Jane: Someone could get hurt.
Teresa Lisbon: It's always dangerous.
Patrick Jane: This is different.
Teresa Lisbon: Everybody will be fine. I promise. We're all gonna be fine, if that's what this insomnia's about.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, you're right.
Teresa Lisbon: I am right. Everything's gonna be okay.
Patrick Jane: No, it's what the insomnia's about.
Teresa Lisbon: Come to bed.

Patrick Jane: Okay, what's wrong?
Teresa Lisbon: Why? You must already know.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. I... I took you...
Teresa Lisbon: You took me off.
Patrick Jane: Mm-hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: On purpose. You knew that wasn't Lydon on the sixth floor; you had to have, but you sent me there anyway.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, that's right. I wanted to protect you.
Teresa Lisbon: Protect me?
Patrick Jane: Mm-hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm an FBI agent.
Patrick Jane: I know.
Teresa Lisbon: It's my job.
Patrick Jane: I know. I... I'm sorry, but...
Teresa Lisbon: But... what? You'd do it again?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. I... yup. Probably would.
Teresa Lisbon: That's the problem.
Patrick Jane: It's not a problem.
Teresa Lisbon: A really big one. You can't do that. Okay, you have to let me do my job. If you can't...
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I understand.
Teresa Lisbon: If you can't, I don't know. Like, how to we work together?
Patrick Jane: Well... we work it out.


"The Mentalist: Red Scare (#2.5)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: The ghost has something to do with Foster's death.
Teresa Lisbon: No, it doesn't because ghosts don't exist.
Patrick Jane: They don't exist in *your* mind. But if you believe they exist then... they exist.

Patrick Jane: It's all fake, because my credulous Van Pelt, spirits are smoke and mirrors. And that's all they are.

Lillian Foster: I can't help thinking that if I'd stayed there, if I had just gone and talked to Alan, he'd still be alive.
Patrick Jane: Mm. Most likely you'd both be dead.
Lillian Foster: With the way I feel, I might prefer that.
Patrick Jane: That feeling with pass.
Lillian Foster: What do you know about that?
Patrick Jane: Enough.

Patrick Jane: [Reading a letter] "If fortune is what you seek sincere, the only place to look is hear." Hear is spelled h-e-a-r.
Philip Raimey: I assumed it was a mistake.
Patrick Jane: There are no mistakes. Let's go.

Patrick Jane: Lisbon. Lisbon. I - you - this. Lisbon...
Teresa Lisbon: Bite me! We're done for the night!
[Everyone leaves]
Patrick Jane: "Bite me?"
Teresa Lisbon: It's too much?
Patrick Jane: Uh, a smidge. Worked. It's fine. Just a little over the top.

Alan Foster: [Referring to a key Jane is holding] I wonder what it opens.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I know what it opens.
Alan Foster: What?
[Jane mimes keeping his mouth closed]
Teresa Lisbon: He's just messing with you. He's mean like that.

Grace Van Pelt: So what was it?
Patrick Jane: Beckworth was a collector. He collected hundreds of one thing. Some of the rarest, finest examples in the world. Worth *tens* of millions of dollars.
Teresa Lisbon: So what was it?
Patrick Jane: [Jane sniffs his drink] Mmm.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: Smells good.
[Everyone realizes what's in Beckworth's treasure]

Deputy Nick Fisher: Appreciate your people coming in on this, Agent Lisbon. I haven't handled many homicides. None, in fact. Frankly, I'm looking to learn from you.
Teresa Lisbon: Not a problem, Deputy Fisher.
Deputy Nick Fisher: Small town. We don't get much trouble.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's a shame.
Deputy Nick Fisher: It is?
Patrick Jane: Trouble's your business.

Deputy Nick Fisher: It's a shame. Foster seemed like a nice guy.
Patrick Jane: Oh, that's a lie. You didn't like him one bit.
Deputy Nick Fisher: Well, I... I didn't say that.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you did. You thought he was rich, arrogant, pretentious, an interloper. He wore those trendy architect's glasses. Did you kill him?
Deputy Nick Fisher: Did I...?
Patrick Jane: Hmmm?
Deputy Nick Fisher: No. No. What kind of question is that?

Patrick Jane: What's troubling you, Fisher?
Deputy Nick Fisher: What? Nothing. What are you talking about?
Patrick Jane: That button made your pupils dilate, now you've gone pale. What's up, Fisher? What's troubling you?
Deputy Nick Fisher: Well... it occurred to me that the button could stand for Beckworth, and I got a little chill. That's all.
Teresa Lisbon: Who's Beckworth?
Deputy Nick Fisher: Walter Beckworth. He was the original owner of this house. Built it. Died eighty-something years ago. People say he haunts the place. I've heard the story since I was a kid, but nobody believes 'em.
Patrick Jane: Right.

Patrick Jane: How did Beckworth make his money?
Philip Raimey: Oh, he was a bootlegger. Very successful one. It's in... that one there.
[pointing to the stack of books in Jane's arms]
Philip Raimey: Second from the bottom.
Patrick Jane: Okay. Thank you. Uh, did... did you ever cross paths with Foster?
Philip Raimey: Once or twice. He seemed pleasant enough; never paid very much attention.
Patrick Jane: You deceitful old bag of bones.
Philip Raimey: Excuse me?
Patrick Jane: You heard me.

Victoria Abner: Your aura is fascinating, Mr. Jane. So many hues.
Patrick Jane: Thank you. The mansion's uninhabitable. Why would you want it back?
Victoria Abner: Sentimental reasons.
Patrick Jane: Mmm... nope. No, that's not right. You're closed, furtive. You're hiding something. There's something in that house, isn't there? Something you don't want anyone else to find. Evidence of your guilt, perhaps.
Victoria Abner: That's absurd.
Patrick Jane: No. Yeah, you're right. That is absurd. It's something else entirely. Ah! The treasure.
Teresa Lisbon: What treasure?
Patrick Jane: Walter Beckworth's treasure he hid in the mansion.
Victoria Abner: I wanted my house back because I didn't like what Foster planned for it. He was going to destroy it.
Teresa Lisbon: Foster had only been there a few weeks. How could you have known what he was going to do before he did?
Victoria Abner: In conversation, he told me.
Teresa Lisbon: Ma'am, we find out you're lying, you become suspect number one.

Patrick Jane: There's nothing there, Drew. Never was.
Drew Abner: You planted the second clue?
Patrick Jane: Aha. Yes.
Drew Abner: I didn't kill Foster.
Patrick Jane: Don't be ridiculous. Of course you did. Only the killer knew how to get in here via the secret passageway.
Teresa Lisbon: You proved your guilt just by walking in the room.


"The Mentalist: Cackle-Bladder Blood (#3.2)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: SAC PD will want to talk to you about Landon Wale, and KRAM. There are some fraud charges pending.
Danny Ruskin: [Slight chuckle] Fraud charge is *very* hard to prove, especially when nothing changed hands. In fact, now that I think of it, I'm actually innocent.
Teresa Lisbon: Whatever. They're on their way.
[Danny starts to panic]
Patrick Jane: I believe she's telling you to scram.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not what I said.
[Danny leaves]
Patrick Jane: Thank you, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't hear that.
Patrick Jane: Thank you Lisbon
Teresa Lisbon: I can't hear anything

Patrick Jane: No no no no no you're going about it all wrong detective, you're coming straight outta the gate with bad cop. I mean, you do a good bad cop, you are intimidating, I'm not gonna lie to you. But-but now let's bring good cop out. He's nicer, more pleasant, we build a rapport, you... maybe you say something like "are you thirsty?" and I say "I'd love a cup of tea."

Teresa Lisbon: Detective, can you uncuff this one now please?
Detective Reece: He's still a suspect.
Teresa Lisbon: He is not gonna leave town; release him into my custody, you know he's not good for it, zero connection to the victim.
Patrick Jane: Nada, niente, zip, nought... I could go on.
Teresa Lisbon: I am reaching out to you Detective, I know this man and I know he's telling the truth about what happened.
Teresa Lisbon: [Outside] The truth, now!
Patrick Jane: Beg your pardon?
Teresa Lisbon: Talk or I will give you back to Detective Reece, seriously!

Patrick Jane: But uh, my wife, she uh, she didn't want any part of it.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Carny's are good people. But uh, you know, you're either with the show or you're not. There's - there's nowhere in the middle. And if you're not with the show, then you're a mark. You're a sucker. And she didn't like that.

Samantha: Danny doesn't always do what's best for his own best interest. Tendency to outfox himself.
Patrick Jane: True. But he asked for my help. That's what I'm giving him.

Patrick Jane: [to Van Pelt] If this were for real, this old fox would have stripped you bare.
[Jane hands some jewelry back to Van Pelt]
Nicki: This sweet piece of fruit is a cop? Damn! Guess I'm losing my touch.

Teresa Lisbon: [On the cellphone] Jane, you have to come in. Danny could be dangerous. We're not looking to use deadly force, but things happen. It's not safe for you.
Patrick Jane: Getting close to nabbing him, are you? Oh, that's good to know. Well, may the best man win, Lisbon.

Patrick Jane: She didn't want the carny life. She hated it. She wanted to get out. We - we both did. And you know how hard that is. That was - that was our thing. That's what we did together. We - we escaped.
Danny Ruskin: Nice escape plan, bro. You got her killed!
Patrick Jane: Thanks for reminding me.

Patrick Jane: I just - I hope that one day you will uh, forgive me. And maybe one day, I'll forgive myself.
Danny Ruskin: Forgive you?
Patrick Jane: Not for my sake, for yours. Because hating me is just a waste of your energy. It's pointless. Just - move on. Drop it. Find something to love.

Danny Ruskin: [at Angela and Charlotte's graves] So, this is it, huh? It's nice. Classy. They'd like it, I guess, if they had a preference.
Patrick Jane: You know, this is the first time I've been here since the funeral.
Danny Ruskin: Why's that?
Patrick Jane: 'Cause they're not here.
Danny Ruskin: Hey, who knows for sure? Maybe they're up there right now looking down at us. You know, Annie's saying "Lighten up, you dummies."
Patrick Jane: Yeah, maybe.
Danny Ruskin: Yeesh. I'm sorry I asked to come. Who knew a trip to the cemetery would be such a downer?
Patrick Jane: Sorry. It's irrational. No reason to be sad. You gonna give 'em those flowers or what?
Danny Ruskin: [laying his bouquet down on the ground] Guilt is for marks. You know that, right?
Patrick Jane: Yeah.

Patrick Jane: [getting slapped by Samantha] Ah! Uh... what was that for?
Samantha: Detroit.
Patrick Jane: Oh, yeah. Fair enough.

Patrick Jane: [arriving at a carnival looking for his brother-in-law] You're not gonna need the badge. They're gonna tell you're a cop without it.
Teresa Lisbon: Actually, people very rarely guess I'm a cop.
Patrick Jane: Oh, yeah. Let me do the talking.
Teresa Lisbon: When it's advisable.
Patrick Jane: And don't mention Danny until I do.
Teresa Lisbon: I'll be the judge of that.

Patrick Jane: County fair starts Saturday.
Teresa Lisbon: So Danny'll be there?
Patrick Jane: Well, no, it's not that simple. But someone there will know where he is.
Teresa Lisbon: He's a carny like you used to be?
Patrick Jane: "Carny" is a very broad term, Lisbon. Uh... Danny's more show biz, but it... it's been a while.
Teresa Lisbon: Before last night, when was the last time you talked to him?
Patrick Jane: When I called him to tell him what Red John had done.


"The Mentalist: Blood Brothers (#1.22)" (2009)
Asher MacLean: I think you might show a little more respect.
Patrick Jane: Respect for a...
Chief Elaine Brody: There's a dead child here.
Patrick Jane: Yes. Yes. He's dead. He doesn't care how I talk to you.

Patrick Jane: So what's the deal with Justin? Who disliked him?
Elliot: Nobody. He was... fine.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you say that like he was a prize jerk.
Marley: No. He wouldn't win any prizes.

Patrick Jane: I would've gotten more out of them, but you came back too quickly.
Teresa Lisbon: Reality check: I'm your Supervising Agent. I'm not your decoy.

Teresa Lisbon: Chief Broady's setting up for a full scale search. So we should probably start looking in the woods around the school.
Patrick Jane: Oh, that sounds horribly tedious.
[Starts walking away]
Patrick Jane: Shout if you need me.
Teresa Lisbon: Go ahead. Relax. Enjoy yourself. God forbid you should do anything tedious.

Patrick Jane: [to Justin's parents] Your son died bravely. He saved a young girl in trouble. You should be very proud.

Patrick Jane: What kind of tree is this?
Chief Elaine Brody: Couldn't say.
Patrick Jane: Smells good. So you're not a local?
Chief Elaine Brody: Born five miles down the road. Just don't give a crap about trees.

Chief Elaine Brody: Do you have any actual facts?
Patrick Jane: Well, it's an actual fact that you dislike Mr. MacLean here because he's a tree-hugging, liberal wacko, who's probably running some kind of a cult, and he dislikes you because you're a small-minded provincial hayseed. Not that you are, necessarily. That's just what he thinks.

Patrick Jane: Who's Zachariah?
Asher MacLean: Who?
Patrick Jane: Zachariah.
Asher MacLean: Never heard of him. Who is he?
Patrick Jane: Liar.
Asher MacLean: Liar?
Patrick Jane: Pants on fire. They're ablaze.

Patrick Jane: I'd like to talk to Justin's friends.
Asher MacLean: Of course. He was in Missy Jenkin's teaching pod. Bear in mind, I or one of my staff members need to be present when you talk with any of our students.
Patrick Jane: You do?
Asher MacLean: It's the law.
Patrick Jane: Really?

Teresa Lisbon: Jane what the hell are you playing at? You can't tie people up.
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry.
Teresa Lisbon: I should think you are. You'll be sorrier when I report this.

Patrick Jane: Name?
Orrin: Orrin.
Patrick Jane: Orrin. Watch me now. I'll demonstrate the power of telecognition. I will read your thoughts.
[Stands close to Orrin, with his hands on either side of his head]
Patrick Jane: Hmmm. You're thinking - "Gosh I hope he can't read my thoughts, because then he'll know that I was up in the woods with Justin Prentiss on the night before he died, throwing paint bombs at the ol' crazy man's door."
[Stands and speaks normally]
Patrick Jane: Orrin, that was kind of dumb. You should have thought of something A little more innocent.

Patrick Jane: Zachariah and the Z krew.
Orrin: Why should I tell you? You know what I'm thinking.
Patrick Jane: Yes, but it would be more polite if you said it aloud, for their benefit.
[Gestures to Lisbon and Maclean]

Elliot: How did you know it was me?
Patrick Jane: When Cassie brought Maclean tea in a cup with z's on it, That was a warning from you to keep his mouth shut. You were the first to bring forth the Zachariah story, And you've been at this school longer than anyone else, With no desire to leave. The sacred fire ceremony confirmed my hunch. Everybody else was scared that I was invoking Zachariah, But you you were contemptuous and cynical. A true artist watching a cheap imitator. Until fear made you a believer. It can do that to you.


"The Mentalist: The Desert Rose (#6.1)" (2013)
Gale Bertram: Have you gone mad? Are you insane? I- it's a serious question.
Patrick Jane: Are you asking her or are you asking me? 'Cause speaking for myself, the answer is no. Lisbon - sane, not sane... Mnh.

Grace Van Pelt: So what's the plan?
Patrick Jane: Well, if anyone tries to kill me, shoot them.

Teresa Lisbon: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Patrick Jane: No. You're thinking that if Bertram is Red John, he sent us out to the middle of nowhere for a reason. To get us out of the way for when he makes his next move. I am thinking about... Trains.

Patrick Jane: You told Cho.
Wayne Rigsby: He can't be the only member of the team who doesn't know. Come on, that's not fair.

Patrick Jane: I'm trying to work here and you're staring at me like I have two heads.

Teresa Lisbon: Sir, I fully recognize that I failed in my duty to oversee Jane's behavior.
Patrick Jane: Oh, stop. You did nothing wrong.
Gale Bertram: Agent Lisbon did wrong when she failed to stop you furnishing guns to a man who used those guns to mow down a Sac PD officer.
Patrick Jane: It was a good plan that went awry. I said sorry. She's not responsible.

Patrick Jane: How long until you're done with forensics and you pull this guy out of here?
Brett Partridge: Delicate job. Uh, we'll be out of here by tomorrow morning, probably.
[seeing Jane staring at him]
Brett Partridge: Something wrong?
Patrick Jane: Wrong?
Brett Partridge: You've been really sullen with me recently, and now you're staring at me strangely and I don't know why.

Teresa Lisbon: What's your take on Partridge?
Patrick Jane: If he is Red John, he's a very good actor.
Teresa Lisbon: He would have to be, wouldn't he?

[first lines]
Teresa Lisbon: How'd he do that?
Patrick Jane: Huh?
Teresa Lisbon: That tape was made two months ago. Red John knew the names on the list of suspects before you did. I mean, how is that even possible?
Patrick Jane: Eh, it's a trick.
Teresa Lisbon: A trick how?
Patrick Jane: I don't know.

Teresa Lisbon: What are we doing, Jane?
Patrick Jane: I'm eating eggs, you're staring at a dry muffin.
Teresa Lisbon: We need a plan.
Patrick Jane: I've been thinking about that.
Teresa Lisbon: In the meantime, Red John is gonna kill again.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, probably.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, I'm scared.
Patrick Jane: He's not psychic.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, that's not what scares me. Well, no, that scares me, too.
Patrick Jane: There's no such thing.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm scared because I've never seen you like this before. It's like you don't know what to do next.
Patrick Jane: Next? Well, pecan pie.
Teresa Lisbon: Funny. Funny. I'm serious.
Patrick Jane: So am I.
Teresa Lisbon: We need help.
Patrick Jane: [firmly] No.

Teresa Lisbon: So, both Yardley's son and wife are still possible suspects, but the wife says the last time she saw Yardley, he was heading down to Mexicali to demand money out of some shady businessman. Guy named Arek Green. He's got a criminal record, underworld connections, and right now, we're about a hundred miles from Mexicali.
Patrick Jane: Sounds like a lead.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, I'm thinking we should go and talk to this guy Arek Green.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I... I'm gonna stay here. You go. You can manage on your own, right?
Teresa Lisbon: Of course I can.
Patrick Jane: Well, I like the quiet here. The desert helps me think.
Teresa Lisbon: You know what? I'll stay. Cho and Rigsby can go to Mexicali.
Patrick Jane: Don't trust me alone, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: I never have.

Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: She knows about the list.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, but only Grace. Nobody else. Now we can keep an eye on the suspects.
Patrick Jane: You bugged their phones?
Teresa Lisbon: Yes.
Patrick Jane: Red John will know what you've done and he will use it against us. He will lead you wherever he wants to.
Teresa Lisbon: I am not naive. We'll act with that possibility in mind. But it's better to have the information available to us. It's better than doing nothing at all.
Patrick Jane: No. No, no. I told you "tell no one". I told you!
Teresa Lisbon: You told me? You are not my boss. This is my case. Red John is my case. You work for me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, come on, please, Lisbon, don't be childish.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be arrogant!
Patrick Jane: You are out of your depth. You can't have...
Teresa Lisbon: You can't tell me what to do, because I don't think you know what you're doing yourself. I have to do what I have to do to do my job. Now, I am going back to Sacramento to keep an eye on the suspects. You can do whatever you want.


"The Mentalist: Pretty Red Balloon (#4.3)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, I understand your precarious emotional state. Given you've just gotten your job back, and your sensitivity to the bureaucrats that are watching your every move.
Teresa Lisbon: They are.
Patrick Jane: Yes, but that's your thing. I gotta be me. I can't change who I am.
Teresa Lisbon: No, but you can change where you are tomorrow at 12.

Teresa Lisbon: She's an old client?
Patrick Jane: Uh, yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: This is a mess. We don't have time for this. That boy is out there somewhere and this psychic stuff is a distraction. I think you better leave.
Patrick Jane: Can't say I disagree.

Patrick Jane: Well, if you care so much, how come you let her throw money away on this uh, psychic.
Deke Hutton: Never bothered you when it was you, Mr. Jane. Yeah, I heard about you. You nearly squeezed Beth dry.

Patrick Jane: That doesn't mean I'm psychic. It just means that you're gullible and desperate.
Deke Hutton: What is wrong with you that you treat people like that?
Patrick Jane: Oh, you should have seen me 10 years ago.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane, we don't have time for you to have a feud with this guy. It's - it's like your conscience is battling your old self. There's no upside.
Patrick Jane: You think that's why I'm here? Intriguing.

Teresa Lisbon: [Calling Jane on her cell phone] Hey Jane. We got Walton. The kid's nowhere to be seen.
Patrick Jane: Tell Rigsby to look in his left front pocket. There should be a note.
Teresa Lisbon: Rigs, is there a note in your left front pocket?
Wayne Rigsby: [Rigsby pulls out a note from his left front pocket] "The balloon man didn't take Connor."... Okay, so how did he do that?

Nate Glass: Son of a bitch! Trying to steal my action?
Patrick Jane: Mr. Glass, nice to finally meet you. And you got no action. You're a disgrace to the profession. That contact you faked with Connor - weak. Weak!
Nate Glass: Bite me. That gag was seamless. Did you see how she fell for it?
[Glass chuckles. Then in a high voice]
Nate Glass: Oh Mo Mo. Mo Mo.
[Glass chuckles again]
Patrick Jane: Thanks that should do it.
[Jane pulls out a recorder]

Beth Flint: All those years ago - when you were a psychic - you were lying to me. Telling me about my future.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
Beth Flint: Don't apologize. You tried to tell me. You deceived me sure, but you gave me hope. Thank you for that. Goodbye, Patrick.

Patrick Jane: I didn't give her hope. I stole her hope.
Teresa Lisbon: I think hope is worth it at any price.
Patrick Jane: What? Are you running for office now?
Teresa Lisbon: Okay, you know what? You're a wicked charlatan. You're going to Hell then.
Patrick Jane: That's more like it. Save you a seat by the fire.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, I'm not going to hell.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you're not, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: No.

Patrick Jane: You're pretty good, I'll give you that. Not great, just... pretty good.
Nate Glass: What can I say? It's a gift.
Patrick Jane: Yeah... see, here's the thing, Glass. I played the same game myself, so normally I wouldn't tell you not to run your little scam.
Nate Glass: Well, it's not a scam.
Patrick Jane: It's a scam. We both know it's a scam. But you've stepped over a line. This is police business. There's a child's life at stake here.
Nate Glass: Yeah, that's why I'm here.
Patrick Jane: You don't want to push me. Back off this woman. Get out of here right now, or you're gonna regret it.

Patrick Jane: And you are?
Deke Hutton: Connor's uncle. Deke Hutton.
Patrick Jane: Hmm.
Deke Hutton: And you should have gone to jail, you miserable sleazebag.
Patrick Jane: Well, nice to meet you, too.

Deke Hutton: If you think you're gonna pin this on me, then you are very much mistaken.
Patrick Jane: Typical addict. Misdirected anger, persecution complex.
Deke Hutton: Excuse me, I'm not an addict.
Patrick Jane: Uh, yes, you are. You both are. You, gambling; hence the purple smudge on your thumb from the ticket stubs at the track and your need to live off your sister's money.
Deke Hutton: You son of a...!
Patrick Jane: [Jonathan holds Deke back] And you, antidepressants. The shiny skin, the dyspepsia; some deep emotional need not being fulfilled, I would guess.
Jonathan Flint: Are we done here?
Patrick Jane: Just getting started.


"The Mentalist: Something Rotten in Redmund (#4.20)" (2012)
Patrick Jane: [speaking to the audience of a high school performance of Shakespeare's "Hamlet"] Thank you, you've been a lovely audience. Sorry we had to close early, but you get the general idea. Pretty much everyone dies. Poisoning. Stabbing. Yeah, it's all very sad. The Scandinavians, huh? Gloomy bunch. Oh, and by the way, don't do anything naughty in the bathrooms. Principal Snyder has hidden cameras in there.
[the audience murmurs and Principal Snyder buries his head in his hand in shame]
Patrick Jane: Illegal? Yes. Immoral? You decide. Good night.
[He bows]

[Jane and Van Pelt are slumped onto Jane's couch watching video surveillance from the high school principal's "illegal" feed]
Grace Van Pelt: We've watched 60 hours' worth of footage. I think it's a dead end.
Patrick Jane: Patience, grasshopper.
Grace Van Pelt: I am being patient.
Patrick Jane: There. Back that up.
Grace Van Pelt: Okay.
Patrick Jane: Can you... can you grow that? Can you... can you biggify it?
Grace Van Pelt: [Smirking] I can do a digital zoom.
Patrick Jane: Good.

Patrick Jane: High school, huh? Must bring back some memories for you. Friday nights, your friends from band, strapping on those funny hats.
Teresa Lisbon: You know what? I am not gonna take the bait.

Patrick Jane: Cheap power suit, phone holster, Bluetooth, large watch. Has "petty tyrant" written all over him.

Patrick Jane: How did he get the black eye?
Principal Snyder: He said that he was playing basketball with some students after school.
Patrick Jane: But you didn't believe him?
Principal Snyder: Well, why would he lie? Of course I believed him.
Patrick Jane: No, you didn't.
Principal Snyder: Well, why would I lie?
Patrick Jane: Probably just bureaucratic instinct.

Teresa Lisbon: 11 years in Catholic school and I never got sent to the Principal's office once.
Patrick Jane: Well that's because you're a boring goody two shoes.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't say I never did anything bad. I just never got caught.

Jeremiah: Are you one of the cops?
Patrick Jane: Cop-adjacent, maybe.

Patrick Jane: Perhaps you can help me out. I'm trying to find the delinquents. Well, I found one myself - or at least his shoes - but he managed to get away.
Principal Snyder: I don't think they're gonna help you much. Mr. McTierney taught mostly advanced classes.
Patrick Jane: Yes, but it's the bad apples that have the real dirt.

Patrick Jane: Ahh! Bad kids, at last!

Ms. Austin: Any notes for Billy, our Hamlet?
Patrick Jane: Well, remember, Billy, never break character, even if you forget your lines. I mean, the audience will never know, as long as you keep going.
Ms. Austin: Thank you. I have been telling him that.
Patrick Jane: And Hamlet's not as pleased with himself as you are, so, uh, dial that back a touch.

Patrick Jane: How'd you know it was me that graffiti'd the bathroom?
Principal Snyder: A student told me.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's strange, 'cause it was during class, and there was no one else in the bathroom, 'cause I checked.
Principal Snyder: Well, somebody saw something, didn't they?
Patrick Jane: Mm. You saw something - on your unauthorized security cameras.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: He has unauthorized security cameras hidden in the bathrooms. It's a little creepy, huh?
Principal Snyder: I don't know where you are getting your information, but it is simply not true!
Patrick Jane: [Opens a cupboard revealing the video feeds] Oh! Oh! Hello! Pervy perv perv!

Grace Van Pelt: Hey, how did you know Billy was having an affair with the teacher?
Patrick Jane: They both had leaves on them from their make-out spot in the woods.
Grace Van Pelt: That's it?
Patrick Jane: Well, plus I could see she liked him. She was meaner to him than the other kids. You know, like Lisbon is to me.
Teresa Lisbon: [Clicks tongue] Shut up!
Patrick Jane: See?


"The Mentalist: Black Gold and Red Blood (#2.6)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: Hey Bosco, what's up?
Sam Bosco: You're not gonna like what I'm about to do, but you're gonna have to deal with it.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: Hey, Bosco.
Sam Bosco: Hi Jane, you're under arrest.
Teresa Lisbon: What the hell? What are you doing, Bosco?
Sam Bosco: [to a member of his team] Hook him up!

Virgil Minelli: Is this true, Jane? You were spying on Bosco's team?
Patrick Jane: Spying is such an ugly word. More just keeping a friendly eye on things.

Patrick Jane: Charge me. I'll see you in court. I'm not going to leave the CBI just cause you tell me to.
Sam Bosco: If I charge you, you'll go to jail. Now. Today. And you can't apply for bail until Tuesday. So that's 3 days and nights in jail.
Patrick Jane: That's a new experience. I welcome it.

Teresa Lisbon: That's interesting, but you could have told me that on the phone.
Patrick Jane: I needed a visitor. So I could get into the visitors' room.
Teresa Lisbon: How I wish I had my gun.
Patrick Jane: Crimefighting's hard. Suck it up.

Teresa Lisbon: So? What'd you learn?
Patrick Jane: Oh, that was just a control question. The next question I ask him is a critical question.
Teresa Lisbon: You know what? I don't need my gun. I could just hit you with my chair.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I think you'll find it's bolted to the floor.

Teresa Lisbon: No. No. I was only saying that because that's what Rigsby and the guys were just saying. Uh, it's total nonsense. Sam Bosco is a happily married man. He hasn't the faintest interest in me that way. I have no influence on him whatsoever.
Patrick Jane: The guys noticed it too? I'm impressed. He's very recessive in his passions. Hard to spot that he'd kill and die for you.
Teresa Lisbon: Trust me. You are *way* off.
Patrick Jane: Interesting puzzle you present. Lies and truth all mixed together.

Patrick Jane: [to the culprit] Uh, yes. It's me they're after, not you. And there is no DNA evidence either. That's scientific forensics. That's - that's very overrated. Thank you for the tea.

[final lines of the episode]
Patrick Jane: I'm touched that you would risk your career for me. That means a lot to me.
Teresa Lisbon: If you're right, and I'm not saying you are, it would mean I broke the trust of someone I respect and admire for your sake. If it is true, I would hope in the future, you'd be a little bit more mature and responsible in your behavior.
Patrick Jane: I'm grateful and all, but let's not go crazy here.
Teresa Lisbon: I should've let you rot in jail.

Ted Luscom: You don't know it, but you people are just tools of the United Nations.
Patrick Jane: Oh yeah, we know it. They told us last June, laid it all out.
Ted Luscom: Say what?
Patrick Jane: It was a change of policy. Had a big secretive meeting, told us exactly who we're working for. That, my friend, was an eye opener. I'll tell you, wow.
Ted Luscom: Are you mocking me?
Ted Luscom: I'm serious.
[whispering]
Ted Luscom: They told us the whole grand plan...
Teresa Lisbon: Hush! Ignore him, Mr. Luscom.

Boo: What you in for?
Patrick Jane: Oh, me? Uh, eavesdropping on a state agent. You?
Boo: They say I raped and murdered a guy, stabbed him to death.
Patrick Jane: Oh.
Boo: But it's not true.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's good.
Boo: We had consensual sex. THEN I stabbed him to death.

[on the phone]
Patrick Jane: Agent Rigsby, CBI. I'm on my way to your location. I have a couple of questions I wanted to ask you first. Discreetly.
Roddy Gerber: Yeah?
Patrick Jane: I've heard from a couple of reliable sources that you and Kirby Hines were having an affair. Some kind of sexual relationship.
Roddy Gerber: That's a damn lie!
Patrick Jane: Are you sure, Roddy? Lying to a CBI agent is a very serious offense.
Roddy Gerber: I was in the Marine Corps!
Patrick Jane: Oh really? Well, that says it all. I'm ex-Army. Marine Corps suck eggs! But hey, no point in arguing over the phone. We'll sort this out when I get to your location. Semper Fi, sissy-britches!

Patrick Jane: If you stopped seeing the world in terms of what you like and what you dislike, and saw things for what they truly are in themselves, you would find a great deal more peace in your life.


"The Mentalist: Blinking Red Light (#4.7)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Someone took their time... Yeah, you're right.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't say anything.
Patrick Jane: No, but you were thinking something. You were thinking whoever did this has killed before - many times.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, but I can't assume that.
Patrick Jane: Trust your instincts, Lisbon.

Patrick Jane: Oh, come on. You've been a cop for a long time. What you don't know is how much you know without knowing it. Take a guess and run with it.

Patrick Jane: So James, what's your deal? You've devoted your life to the capture of a serial killer. That's either very saintly or very weird.
James Panzer: That's a very odd notion coming from you. I know about you, Mr. Jane.

James Panzer: Oh uh, congratulations by the way.
Patrick Jane: Thank you. For what?
James Panzer: You killed Red John.
Patrick Jane: Oh right. Yes.
James Panzer: What was it like?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. uh, not as satisfying as you might think.

Patrick Jane: You said he's a purist. A man who kills simply for the pleasure of it. I'm starting to think he's a deeply damaged man who kills our of a need for attention - neglected as a child, I guess. What do you think, Jim?
James Panzer: Well, I think you couldn't be more wrong. Look, I know the San Joaquin Killer better than anyone, as you yourself have said. I've spent over a year inhabiting his mind. This man is brilliant. He's a genius who runs circles around the police... He's killed at will without repercussions. This man is to be feared - not pitied.

Teresa Lisbon: Panzer knows everything about this case. We've got no forensic evidence and no eyewitnesses. How do you propose we catch him?
Patrick Jane: We take away what he wants most.

FBI Agent Susan Darcy: What sort of evidence do you have on Panzer?
Teresa Lisbon: Well, nothing.
Patrick Jane: Well nothing concrete. Not your kind of evidence.
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: How about your kind of evidence?
Patrick Jane: His medicine cabinet is too neat.

Teresa Lisbon: You heard Wainright. Our hands our tied.
Patrick Jane: Yeah... Maybe *yours* are.

James Panzer: I know what you're doing. You think I'm stupid.
Patrick Jane: Yes.
James Panzer: You're not going to ruin this for me.

James Panzer: Red John was an accomplished killer, no doubt. And I applaud you for ridding us of him. But there's no comparison to the San Joaquin Killer. Red John was a common sociopath: lazy, sloppy, delusional.
Patrick Jane: You really have no idea what you're saying.
James Panzer: Red John is dead! And the fact that he allowed himself to be caught and killed by you proves my point. Compared to SJK, Red John was nothing. An amaeture already forgotten.

Patrick Jane: You're just going through the motions.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, it's called police work.
Patrick Jane: Well, why not try a fresh approach?
Teresa Lisbon: Like what, tarot cards?


"The Mentalist: Red John (#6.8)" (2013)
Gale Bertram: Hello, Patrick. I don't have to use a funny voice, do I? You know who this is.
Patrick Jane: Yes, I do.
Gale Bertram: It's weird, huh? 'Cause the last time we...
[he trails off and drops the receiver as he notices a Sac PD officer recognize him]
Sac PD Officer: Put your hands up!
[Cordero shoots the officer]
Patrick Jane: Hello? Hello?
Gale Bertram: [as he and Cordero leave] Thanks.
Oscar Cordero: No problem.
Patrick Jane: Hello? Bertram? Hello?

Teresa Lisbon: Hey.
Patrick Jane: Hey.
Teresa Lisbon: You're a wanted man.
Patrick Jane: Well, I like to think so.
Teresa Lisbon: Seriously. Abbott put an actual warrant out on you.
Patrick Jane: Eh. It's not the first time.

Teresa Lisbon: So are you gonna tell me or what?
Patrick Jane: Oh, yeah. Bertram called me.
Teresa Lisbon: I know. What'd he say?
Patrick Jane: Well, whatever he wanted to say, he didn't have time.
Teresa Lisbon: Why the hell is he still here? What does he want?
Patrick Jane: I'm guessing he'll call back soon and tell me.
Teresa Lisbon: Your phone's not safe. The FBI...
Patrick Jane: Yeah, they have a tap on the line. But they don't have a trace yet. If that had a trace, then I'd be arrested already.
Teresa Lisbon: Maybe so, but sooner or later, they'll get a trace on you.
Patrick Jane: I know. But I can't get rid of my phone until Bertram calls. It's all very suspenseful.
Patrick Jane: What does he want?
Patrick Jane: Who?
Teresa Lisbon: Bertram!
Patrick Jane: We'll see.
Teresa Lisbon: Now you're being evasive.

Patrick Jane: What beady little eyes birds have. Tiny dinosaurs, you know.
Teresa Lisbon: I know. I know you know what he wants. What does he want?
Patrick Jane: [his phone rings] Hello?
Gale Bertram: So sorry I had to hang up on you. I've had a busy day
Patrick Jane: Yeah, no problem. You know, this phone is not safe. Let me call you back in a moment.

Gale Bertram: Look, I think we should meet and talk. Just the two of us.
Patrick Jane: What, like a date?
Gale Bertram: [sarcastic laugh, then seriously] Yes. No. Look, the game is over. I'd call it a very honorable tie. And now that it's over, I really think that we should talk. You know, a truce. No weapons, no tricks. Just talk. Then we both walk away.
Patrick Jane: Talk. About what?
Gale Bertram: Well, everything. I think we both could use a little closure, don't you? It has be today; you know, now. I'm kind of pressed for time.
Patrick Jane: How do I know I can trust you?
Gale Bertram: Oh, don't be timid now, Patrick. I could have killed you many times and I haven't, have I?
Patrick Jane: Okay. When and where?
Gale Bertram: Excellent. I'll be at the Fremont Park fountain in half an hour.
Patrick Jane: No. Don't know it. Central bus station. North entrance.
Gale Bertram: No, there's too many people. There's too many cops.
Patrick Jane: You know the Alexandria cemetery?
Gale Bertram: Of course I do.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, there's a chapel by the western gate.
Gale Bertram: That... that'll do. Half an hour. Don't be late. I can't wait around.

Teresa Lisbon: What'd he say?
Patrick Jane: He wants to meet with me.
Teresa Lisbon: It's a trap.
Patrick Jane: Probably.
Teresa Lisbon: What are you gonna do?
Patrick Jane: I'm gonna meet him.
Teresa Lisbon: You can't.
Patrick Jane: Trust me, I know what I'm doing.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, don't do this. Think about it. The FBI is gonna get Bertram soon enough.
Patrick Jane: I don't want the FBI to get him. You knew this day was coming. It's here.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, let me come with you.
Patrick Jane: No. I don't want you involved.
Teresa Lisbon: Involved? I am involved!
Patrick Jane: Not anymore. I'm gonna need to borrow your gun.
Teresa Lisbon: My gun?
Patrick Jane: Yes, your gun. I'm not gonna use it; it's just a prop. Teresa, trust me, please. Just trust me.

Sheriff McAllister: Well, Patrick, here we are.
[about Bertram, lying on the ground dead]
Sheriff McAllister: Poor fellow. Smart, but dumb. It never occurred to him that I am the Blake Association.
Patrick Jane: Why'd you have to kill him?
Sheriff McAllister: Everything thinks he's Red John, don't they? So it would seem a fitting end to the story if you two were found dead together. No one will look any deeper.
Patrick Jane: So I'm suppose to die, am I? After all these years, seems kind of unfair.
Sheriff McAllister: [in the high-pitched Red John voice] It's totally fair. Game's over and I won.
Patrick Jane: It's not a game.
Sheriff McAllister: [normally] There's a winner and a loser. That's a game.
Patrick Jane: It's not a game I asked to play.
Sheriff McAllister: No, but you played it very well nonetheless. You were fun, challenging. Thank you.

Sheriff McAllister: You probably have a lot of questions for me, hmm? We have time, if you want.
Patrick Jane: I have no questions. You're an evil, sexually perverted sociopath with pathetic delusions of grandeur. The rest is just details.
Sheriff McAllister: "Evil, sexually perverted sociopath"? I guess I have to own that. But, uh... delusions of grandeur? No. I have no delusions. I built a secret empire, I control the lives of thousands of people. My word is life and death, and nobody knows who I am. Now, if that's not grandeur, I don't know what you call it.
Patrick Jane: I call it the ravings of a squalid egomaniac.
Sheriff McAllister: You see? For no reason at all, you're rude and contemptuous. That's why your wife and kid are dead. Who are you to butt in here and make obnoxious judgments about me? Who are you? Who are you?
Patrick Jane: Nobody.
Sheriff McAllister: Nobody. You didn't know me. You don't know me. You have no idea. Here's your problem, Pat. You're a smart man, but you are arrogant. You can't imagine someone smarter than you. Which is why I've been ahead of you at every step along the way.

Sheriff McAllister: You still don't know how I fooled you, do you? How did I survive that bomb? How did I know all the names on your list?
Patrick Jane: Is this what you've been missing? Appreciation? Hmm? Do you want me to applaud?
Sheriff McAllister: You have no idea. Do you?
Patrick Jane: I don't know how you got the list of suspects. It was a good trick. But the bomb gag is simple. There were two explosions. The first was a concussion bomb, knocked everyone out. The second, lethal bomb that killed Haffner and Stiles only went off after you dragged Bertram, Smith, and me out of harm's way.
Sheriff McAllister: Correct.
Patrick Jane: Faking your own death was easy. Brett Partridge was Blake Association. His job gave him access to the primary DNA database. He switched your DNA records with a body that you had on ice; a surrogate. And you brought the body to my house in the trunk of you car and you put it alongside Stiles and Haffner.
Sheriff McAllister: Very good. Your hindsight is 20/20.

Sheriff McAllister: Please don't... don't kill me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, now you want mercy. After all you've done.
Sheriff McAllister: You're not like me. You're a good man. It'll haunt you.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I'm not hesitating. I'm just savoring a moment. You're Red John. I have to say, I'm a little disappointed.

[last lines]
Patrick Jane: [after killing Red John, he calls Lisbon] Lisbon, it's over. It's done. I just want you to know I'm okay. I'm gonna miss you.


"The Mentalist: Little Red Book (#4.2)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: You're rehiring me, and you're firing Lisbon? That's a little preverse, don't you think?
Gale Bertram: You close cases. Agent Lisbon led a covert operation that led to the deaths of two police officers and one FBI Agent. There just had to be some accountability there.
Patrick Jane: My operation. It was *my* operation.
Gale Bertram: Well, that's exactly the problem. We expect better supervision from our senior agents. Which is why Lisbon is being investigated and her team reassigned to other posts.

Teresa Lisbon: Just so you know, Jane. I'm okay.
Patrick Jane: About?
Teresa Lisbon: Losing my job. I'm not going to say that I like it. But we got Red John. It was worth it.
Patrick Jane: Don't be silly. "A", you haven't lost your job.
Teresa Lisbon: The hearing's a formality.
Patrick Jane: And "B", we didn't get Red John.

Patrick Jane: [as Anne-Marie's running on a treadmill] Hi... Lovely rings.
Anne-Marie: Thanks.
Patrick Jane: Expensive, I suspect. Your husband must be very generous.
Anne-Marie: Yeah. Do you mind?
Patrick Jane: [pause. Jane starts to leave then returns] Just, uh, one more thing. Markus Kuzmenko - more of a gentle lover or a brute.
[Anne-Marie gasps, stumbles and falls on the treadmill]

Patrick Jane: Come on. When have I steered you wrong?
Wayne Rigsby: Recently?

Teresa Lisbon: I could kill you with my bare hands!
Patrick Jane: Well, it's not the first time. Come on. You don't have a choice. You do nothing, they get fired. You work with me, they keep their jobs and you might even get yours back.
Teresa Lisbon: All right. But it's just you and me. They don't do anything.

Gale Bertram: Now I have a problem because uh, our urgent need for your skills are precisely balanced by my desire to fire you - before you destroy the bureau or my career - or both.
Patrick Jane: I understand... You're in a tight spot. You know who's always been a healthy moderating influence on me?
Gale Bertram: [Chuckling] Yeah, of course, Lisbon. I'm sorry, not possible.
Patrick Jane: Well, then. You will continue to have a problem.

Teresa Lisbon: The thing is - not dealing with you everyday has been very restful for me. My back pain's gone. I sleep really well. So I'm not actually so sure I'm grateful to be back.
Patrick Jane: You're a terrible liar. No offense. Good honest people always bad liars.
Teresa Lisbon: Which makes you what?

[last lines]
Rosalind Harker: You understand. He never called himself Red John to me. The man I knew was Roy Tagliafero.
Patrick Jane: Roy and Red John are the same person. I'm sure of it.
[Jane puts Rosalind's hands on Carter's face]
Rosalind Harker: ...I never met this man. I have no idea who he is.
Patrick Jane: Thank you.

Ray Haffner: [over a body] Jane? Any thoughts?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. The years teach us patience; the shorter our time, the greater our capacity for waiting
CBI Agent Anthony Niskin: Pretty deep. The Buddha?
Patrick Jane: Elizabeth Taylor. This man is dead. I'm all but certain of it

Patrick Jane: [on the phone with a suspect, Jane interrupts himself to talk directly to Lisbon] Oh, we're gonna need some of that
[pantomimes spraying]
Patrick Jane: the... the... glowy spray stuff the crime scene guys use
Teresa Lisbon: Glowy spray stuff?
Patrick Jane: Yes. Yeah, the glowy spray stuff. Fine

Teresa Lisbon: Let me get this straight: Haffner has the address book, but it's a fake.
Patrick Jane: Fake as a three dollar bill.
Teresa Lisbon: And then how did he find it in Kuzmenko's house?
Patrick Jane: Well, I copied the names from the list of Kuzmenko's clients, then I put the book where Haffner would find it.
Kimball Cho: And I told Haffner that Jane thought the address book was at the house. So he went to the house.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Haffner's all about surveillance. I knew he'd be following us; I had to do something to throw him off the scent. Now we can solve the case without Haffner looking over our shoulders.
Teresa Lisbon: No. No, no, no
Patrick Jane: Don't be hasty.
Teresa Lisbon: I will deal with you in a minute.


"The Mentalist: Redemption (#2.1)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: What are you doing?... You're leaving?
Patrick Jane: Well, frankly, if I can't use this job to seek some kind of personal revenge, then uh, there's no a whole lot for me here. I think that - I don't make things better. I - I can't bring dead people back to life. What good do we do? We drive around California visiting unhappy people.
Grace Van Pelt: We're fighting evil and injustice.
Patrick Jane: And how's that going? Any progress lately?
Kendall Cho: We put bad guys where they can't hurt people. That's good enough.

Teresa Lisbon: No secrets, Jane. No lies. No tricks. No surprises. The truth.
Patrick Jane: Oh? Since when is that the rule?
Teresa Lisbon: Since I said so.

Teresa Lisbon: Oh really? So we're lost without you, are we?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Let's be honest here.
Teresa Lisbon: [Getting in the van and slamming the door shut] Let's go. Drive!

Patrick Jane: Rigsby, you're right. You shouldn't be here. Let us take this. You go find the nearest library.
Wayne Rigsby: Why?
Patrick Jane: Your punishment for being a wuss is I'm not going to tell you.

Patrick Jane: Where are those suspects you mentioned?
Captain Bocanegra: The witnesses?
Patrick Jane: Whatever.

[Jane grabs Candice's purse and begins to rifle through it]
Candice: Hey!
Patrick Jane: It's okay, I'm a consultant. Candice, take my advice: Forgive your mother. Maybe the headaches will stop.
Candice: I love my mother.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I'm wrong. Ignore my advice.

Patrick Jane: Now you, Miss Grumpy-and-Entitled, what's your story?
Mandy Schultz: My name is Mandy Schultz. And I'll have you know...
Patrick Jane: Let me guess. Your husband is a very important person.
Mandy Schultz: He is, as it happens. John's on the Modesto city council. And this is totally unprofessional and disrespectful! I'll have my husband take this up with your superiors.
Patrick Jane: Mandy, Mandy, Mandy. The diet pills are messing with your mind. This is Sacramento, the big city. Your husband means nothing here.

Patrick Jane: Are we about to look at a whole bunch of numbers?
Teresa Lisbon: Probably.
Patrick Jane: All right. I'll wait in the car.

Wayne Rigsby: This is exactly the kind of stuff that Boss was talking about. She didn't okay this at all, did she?
Patrick Jane: So shoot me.

Patrick Jane: [Reading "The Fax Machine Revolution"] This guy predicted that by the year 2000, every American household would have a fax machine. Can you believe it? I had a fax machine. You?
Kendall Cho: Yeah.
Patrick Jane: Wow. Nostradamus of office equipment.

Eric Blair: What are you doing here, Kimball? Is there a problem?
Kendall Cho: It's an ongoing investigation, sir. We can't give out any details.
Patrick Jane: Grisly homicide, though.


"The Mentalist: The Blood on His Hands (#3.3)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: Why don't we skip the part where you lie to me and get right to part where you tell me what you're going to do.
Patrick Jane: Red John let Krystine make a call that can be traced. He's playing a game.
Teresa Lisbon: With who?
Patrick Jane: ...See you later.

Patrick Jane: [to Stiles] Why offer only 6 dimensions? Is- is it to hold off a couple dimensions to sell off later?

Patrick Jane: [Quietly] So if you say you'll give us the videos, the killer will identify himself. He will be the man that insists most forcefully that you shouldn't give them to us.
Bret Stiles: What if I killed them?
Patrick Jane: You?... You wouldn't hurt a fly.
Bret Stiles: [Chuckles. Then loudly] Patrick has offered um, persuasive argument. I'm... going to be handing over the videos to him.

Patrick Jane: Eh, three years is nothing.
Teresa Lisbon: It's the way of the world. He's selling Stiles. He's a big fish. The FBI has to pay. If you think about this too much, you'll drive yourself crazy.

Patrick Jane: Well, there it is, you're safe. Bravo.
Bret Stiles: Huh? Always nice to know, but that's not why I'm here. It seems your friend John, is planning a surprise party for you.

Patrick Jane: I call on the spirits... I ask for the presence of the departed soul of Kristina Frye. Reveal yourself Kristina Frye. Can you hear me Kristina Frye?
Kristina Frye: I can hear you, Patrick.
Patrick Jane: Well, thank you. Thanks for speaking with me.
Kristina Frye: I'm so glad you called on me. I knew in the end you'd become a believer.
Patrick Jane: I'm not a believer.
Kristina Frye: I hear your sadness in your voice. Don't be sad, Patrick. Death is not the end. The afterlife's a beautiful place. It's a peaceful here. Happy.

Patrick Jane: Did you see Red John?
Kristina Frye: Who?
Patrick Jane: Red John... Red John, the man who abducted you.
Kristina Frye: [sighs] I don't understand what you're talking about.

Patrick Jane: [on examining Celia Jovanovich's body] Lisbon!
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah?
Patrick Jane: Check between her toes!
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Because I don't really want to.

Bret Stiles: It seems that your friend John is planning a surprise party for you.
Patrick Jane: How do you know what Red John is planning?
Bret Stiles: It doesn't matter.
Patrick Jane: It certainly matters to me. How do you know what Red John is planning?
Bret Stiles: My dear chap, I know so much more than you or Red John could ever imagine.

Patrick Jane: You're not dead.
Kristina Frye: You're talking to a ghost and still you're a skeptic. You are impossible.

Patrick Jane: You're the FBI's undercover agent, right?
Brother Steven Wench: What?
Patrick Jane: I need a favor. Just a small one. Get rid of 'em.
Brother Steven Wench: Guys, take a break.
[the members in the group leave]
Brother Steven Wench: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Patrick Jane: Well, when I just popped the bag right now, your hand went for your hip. You were reaching for your gun. It's a cop instinct. Never goes away.


"The Mentalist: Strawberries and Cream: Part 1 (#3.23)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: If it's so cut and dry, why are you here?
Teresa Lisbon: Them. The media. Director Bertram wanted a CBI presence here.
Patrick Jane: Director Bertram. Let me ask you something: if Director Bertram wanted a CBI presense to jump off a cliff, would you and your CBI presense jump off that cliff?
Teresa Lisbon: If there was overtime, sure.

Patrick Jane: Then what did Dinkler do?
Drake Vermilion: He shut the door.
Patrick Jane: Like this?
[Jane starts to closes the vault door, leaving Drake inside the vault]
Drake Vermilion: Yes, exactly like that.
Patrick Jane: Thank you. Thanks for your help.
Drake Vermilion: Wait. No. Wait! Wait!
[Drake bangs on the vault door. Then muffled by the door]
Drake Vermilion: COME ON!

Teresa Lisbon: [after LaRoche leaves] God, I miss Hightower. Aside from the murder stuff obviously. Screw it. Even with the murder stuff. How does he just appear out of nowhere like that?
Patrick Jane: He's a ghost - from the fifth dimension. Right, Rigsby?
Wayne Rigsby: He's the boss. Not going there.

Teresa Lisbon: [Lisbon's got bomb vest strapped to her] Uh does the lock have any wires attached to it? Er um...
Patrick Jane: There's a bunch. That's not good, is it?
Teresa Lisbon: Don't pick the lock!

Teresa Lisbon: [a cellphone is ringing] What if - what if it triggers the bomb?
Patrick Jane: We'll never know.

Gupta: [Disguised voice] Hello Patrick. You're welcome to join us if you like.
Patrick Jane: Well, I gotta tell you, there's other stuff that I gotta...
Gupta: Shut up! I insist. You'll be of useful help to Agent Lisbon.

Patrick Jane: If this doesn't turn out well, uh, I just - well, there's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time. You know, the moment never presented itself.
Teresa Lisbon: Wait a minute now. You sure this is the right time?
Patrick Jane: If not now, when?
Teresa Lisbon: [Bursting in with weapon drawn] DISARM THE BOMB!

Patrick Jane: No, you have two choices: disarm the bomb or die here with us.
Teresa Lisbon: With me. Jane, you go now.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I would if I could.
Teresa Lisbon: GO!

Patrick Jane: [Lisbon's wearing her bridesmaid's dress] Whoa. Oh my.
Teresa Lisbon: Van Pelt must die.
Patrick Jane: No. No. No. No. You look good. This is - beautiful - like a princess, an angry little princess. Someone stole your tiaraa.

Kimball Cho: I'll call LaRoche.
Teresa Lisbon: No. No. No. Don't!
Kimball Cho: Why not? It's his case.
Patrick Jane: We gotta get out of here now! Fix it with SAC PD we were never here.

Teresa Lisbon: If I don't totally believe you, Red John probably doesn't either.
Patrick Jane: If Red John wants me, He knows where to find me. I can't worrry about that


"The Mentalist: Red Queen (#3.16)" (2011)
Teresa Lisbon: Jane? You in there?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. I'm coming out. You're going to have to stand back if you're bearing firearms. Please lower them, please.
[Jane emerges followed by Hightower wielding a shotgun]
Madeleine Hightower: Stand back... or he dies.

Patrick Jane: Dead men I've seen. But this...
Teresa Lisbon: Can we get back to work please?
Patrick Jane: Must I justify my every action? Please observe the rib cage of our smaller fosilized friend here.
Teresa Lisbon: Is that rib broken off?
Patrick Jane: Exactly.

Patrick Jane: That kid of yours, Jim, is he into dinosaurs and prehistoric stuff?
Security Guard Jim: Sure. Loves his mother.
Patrick Jane: [Jane laughs] Here give him this.
[Jane hands Jim a bag]
Patrick Jane: It's a replica of a Dire Wolf's tooth.

Patrick Jane: There's only one person who has this singular affect on people. You've been LaRoche'd, haven't you?
Madeleine Hightower: I suppose I have.
Patrick Jane: No shame in it. We're all pots in his kitchen and he's the sous chef just waiting for one of us to boil over.
Madeleine Hightower: I won't give him the satisfaction.

Teresa Lisbon: You're never gonna guess where he grew up.
Patrick Jane: Then I won't even try.
Teresa Lisbon, Patrick Jane: Vineland, California.
Teresa Lisbon: How did you do that?
Patrick Jane: I followed your lips.

Patrick Jane: Push hard on this one. We need a rapid response. Remember time wasted is gone forever.
Foley: I'm not wasting time.
Patrick Jane: Are you suggesting you don't have enough time? YOu have exactly the same number of hours in the day as Albert Einstein had.
Foley: Stop.
Patrick Jane: Thomas Jefferson. Louis Pasteur. Ghandi.
Foley: [Starts to rise] Just get out of
[Foley knocks over a can of soda]
Foley: here. Oh my God. Oh my God! What did I do?

Patrick Jane: I suggest you rethink what you can and cannot do from this moment forward because I know who the evidence is about to reveal as the killer.
Madeleine Hightower: Who?
Patrick Jane: You.

Patrick Jane: Not that I'm judging. Seeking revenge on men that are responsble for the death of someone you love, it's a hobby I like to dabble in myself.
Madeleine Hightower: You think it's true? You think it's true that I killed Johnson and Montero?
Patrick Jane: Let's just say I'm open minded.

Madeleine Hightower: If you don't point that shotgun away from me, I swear I will use it to beat you like a rented mule.
Patrick Jane: Spoken like a true lunatic killer. You're not giving me much to work with here.
Madeleine Hightower: I mean it!
Patrick Jane: [Jane cocks the shotgun] So do I. Did you kill those men? I have to know.

Patrick Jane: She was unwrapping her hand - the moment I was waiting for.
Teresa Lisbon: To crash the vehicle?
Patrick Jane: It seemed like a smart idea at the time.

Patrick Jane: No one can know about this. This has to stay between you and me.
Madeleine Hightower: Jane, you should at least tell Lisbon what's going...
Patrick Jane: Nobody! He's too smart that way. He'll sense a trap. I'm better off alone.
Madeleine Hightower: Nobody is better off alone.


"The Mentalist: The Golden Hammer (#6.12)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: It's just like a stakeout of old. You skeptical and grumpy. Me confident and cheerful.
Teresa Lisbon: You're only being cheerful to irritate me.

Patrick Jane: I guess we need to think outside of the box.
Teresa Lisbon: That's always a bad sign.

Patrick Jane: The point is there's a coded message here.
Kimball Cho: Or doodles.

Patrick Jane: I'm not your boss. Why would you say that?
Teresa Lisbon: Just sometimes now you act like you are.
Patrick Jane: We're equals. Partners.
Teresa Lisbon: Fine. Just remember that.

Teresa Lisbon: This room makes me feel like I'm in an aquarium and everyone's looking at me.
Patrick Jane: Mm. Well, you could very easily feel like they're all in the aquarium and you're looking at them.

Teresa Lisbon: [on the other side of the plaza, Cho has just arrested Avery Schultz. Lisbon says to Jane] I woulda never thought it was her
Patrick Jane: Huh. Really? You surprise me. Normally you have such good people instincts
Teresa Lisbon: I do?
Patrick Jane: No, I'm kidding.
[Lisbon hits him]
Patrick Jane: W... I was kidding that I was kidding. You have Very good people instincts... It's just your people skills are a little...
Teresa Lisbon: You're hillarious
Patrick Jane: [pause. Cho, still on the other side of the plaza, Jane says softly so only Lisbon can hear] Nicely done Cho
[still softly, this time To Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: You look great in that hat

Kim Fischer: You broke into my car.
Patrick Jane: I entered your car without your knowledge. But the good news is tomorrow at around two, this case will be cracked.
Kim Fischer: You sound awfully sure of yourself.
Teresa Lisbon: Always.

Teresa Lisbon: It's 2:23. This is a waste of time. Your theoretical spy isn't showing up.
Patrick Jane: Have to have patience, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: I'd rather have coffee.

Dennis Abbott: We can't arrest people under false pretenses.
Patrick Jane: We can't?
Dennis Abbott, Kim Fischer: No.
Patrick Jane: Why not?
Kim Fischer: It's illegal.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Well, that's a problem.

Kim Fischer: [about the victim's brother] Hey, what did you say to him that made him so angry that he hit you?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I have a foolproof line.
[he whispers in her ear, and she hits him]
Patrick Jane: [grinning] Foolproof.


"The Mentalist: Miss Red (#1.21)" (2009)
Keith Gulbrand: I'm not in it for the money. You know, music's a... it's a spiritual thing.
Patrick Jane: Yeah it is. So's money. Everything that exists has a spiritual essence or none at all.

Patrick Jane: When was the last time you saw a doctor's handwriting that you could read?
Teresa Lisbon: So she's precise. Is that what you're implying?
Patrick Jane: Yes, and the possibility that Dr. Brooke Harper is not a doctor.
Teresa Lisbon: Because she has penmanship skills?
Patrick Jane: And she doesn't have that cold, creepy, doctor-y vibe they all have
Wayne Rigsby: Well, to be fair, not all doctors are cold and creepy.
Patrick Jane: First day of medical school, they give you a stack of books and a dead human being. That, I'm afraid, will change you. Brooke Harper was warm and emotional.
Teresa Lisbon: You like her, so she can't be a doctor?
Patrick Jane: Pretty much.

Grace Van Pelt: The AMA and Boston General both have records of a doctor named Brooke Harper.
Teresa Lisbon: See?
Grace Van Pelt: Uh, but it says here that she's 64 years old.
Patrick Jane: Wow. She looks pretty good.
Teresa Lisbon: Is there a word for uncanny, yet irritating?

Patrick Jane: [to a prince ] Please don't be offended. I-I would've taken your money and given it to a worthy cause. But my friend here is a moralist of childish simplicity. Nice to meet you.
[Jane leaves]

Patrick Jane: My friend, Cho here, will take you by the wrist so as not to let you escape us again.
Kimball Cho: Hi.
Dr. Brooke Harper: Warm hands.
Patrick Jane: Ah, I bet you say that to all your arresting officers.

Patrick Jane: I've been checking shoes for years. This is the first time it's *ever* paid off. First time. It's gratifying man. Very gratifying.
[Jane leaves]
Teresa Lisbon: He's a pistol, isn't he?

Patrick Jane: That urge you have to get one over on people. The need to be smarter than the next guy. It'll keep biting you in the ass.
Dr. Brooke Harper: So my butt'll hurt occasionally. I'll still be smarter than the next guy.

Kimball Cho: What are you doing?
Patrick Jane: I'm just confirming that Jim Gulbrand's a member here.
Kimball Cho: Why not just ask?
Patrick Jane: Go ahead. Ask him.
Kimball Cho: Is Jim Gulbrand a member here?
Floor Manager: I'm sorry, sir, we don't divulge membership details.
Patrick Jane: See?

Kimball Cho: All I was able to find at Dr. Brooke Harper's apartment. Bank account emptied, credit cards maxed out. She must have been packed and ready to leave days ago. Her Social Security number and medical license are fakes, too. We have no idea who this woman is.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, we know that she's smart. She posed as a doctor for seven months, managed to elude you and Rigsby.
Kimball Cho: Well, she had a head start. She didn't elude us.
[seeing Jane's expression]
Kimball Cho: All right, she eluded us.
Patrick Jane: Well, she's a professional con woman. I mean, she probably specializes in the seduction of rich and successful, socially awkward men.
Teresa Lisbon: You think she's done this before?
Patrick Jane: Oh, yes. Many times.

Dr. Brooke Harper: If you want to know why I'm at work the same day that my boyfriend is found dead, why don't you just ask me?
Patrick Jane: Okay. Uh, why are you at work the same day your boyfriend is found dead?
Dr. Brooke Harper: I have patients who need me, and if I had to sit at home and actually think about Jim being... gone, I'd lose it. Being here, whether it looks good to you or not, is the only way I know how to cope.


"The Mentalist: Flame Red (#1.9)" (2008)
Patrick Jane: We've never discussed this before, because I thought it went without saying. But when I catch Red John, I'm going to cut him open and then watch him die slowly, like he did with my wife and child. And if you have a problem with that, we should talk.
Teresa Lisbon: Then let's talk. Because when *we* catch Red John, we are going to take him into custody and he's going to be tried in a Court of Law.
Patrick Jane: Not if I'm still breathing.
Teresa Lisbon: If you try and do violence to him, I will try and stop you. If you succeed in doing violence to him, I will arrest you.
Patrick Jane: I understand.
Teresa Lisbon: I hope so.

Patrick Jane: Where were you guys?
Wayne Rigsby: Called in to check out a lead.
Kimball Cho: Yeah, Lisbon didn't know you were about to pull an idiotic stunt. Sorry.
Patrick Jane: No hard feelings.

Patrick Jane: Revenge is a poison. Revenge is for fools and for mad men.

Teresa Lisbon: Seems like this whole thing changed your mind about vengance.
Patrick Jane: Huh?
Teresa Lisbon: "Revenge is for fools and mad men."
Patrick Jane: That was rather good, I though. Total nonsense, but quite good nonetheless.

Teresa Lisbon: Okay, so what am I thinking now?
Patrick Jane: You're thinking "I'm so glad Jane is joking around, that he can't actually read my mind."
Teresa Lisbon: No. Well, actually, yes. But - but not for the reason you think.
Patrick Jane: What reason do I think?
Teresa Lisbon: Never you mind.
Wayne Rigsby: You're blushing.
Patrick Jane: You are blushing.

Susan Garcia: Trey would never! They were best friends.
Patrick Jane: A best friend that has an affair with his best friend's wife.
Teresa Lisbon: Susan... we'll find the truth.

Patrick Jane: How you feeling?
Wayne Rigsby: Took some kick-ass pain killers man.

Patrick Jane: Interesting new level of cruelty - dosing someone so they wake up just in time to burn alive.

Teresa Lisbon: Too bad if the bait gets killed.
Patrick Jane: Well, yes. That's why you use goats, and not babies or virgins for that matter.
Teresa Lisbon: Machado's no a goat.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane, we're officers of the law.
Patrick Jane: You are. I don't care about the law. I care about justice. And justice says Machado deserves to suffer.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not justice, it's vengeance.
Patrick Jane: What's the difference?


"The Mentalist: Red-Handed (#1.6)" (2008)
Patrick Jane: Why so glum? Case is a case.
Wayne Rigsby: We're in the middle of nowhere. Windy as hell. I haven't eaten anything. Dismemberments are a bitch! You spend months assembling the victim. There's always a piece missing!

Matt Etienne: The casino's on the Nevada side of the resort. And offers full service gaming. We recently spent $10 million upgrading the facilities to improve the customer's experience.
Patrick Jane: They use the same techniques in state-of-the-art animal husbandry.
Matt Etienne: Really?
Patrick Jane: Dim lights, soft music, a maze of passages that lead you back to the pens, or in this case, the slots.

Wayne Rigsby: Ah, the Hustler returns. Lisbon says you won a whole bunch of money.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I didn't do too badly.
Wayne Rigsby: How much did you win?
Patrick Jane: About $250,000.

Patrick Jane: Why do we get so hung up on every little law someone breaks?
Teresa Lisbon: Because we're officers of the law.

Teresa Lisbon: Your people are carny folk? You're finally making sense to me.
Patrick Jane: Not exactly, it's a long story.

Kimball Cho: [about the gifts Jane gave to the team] I'm not giving mine back.
Wayne Rigsby: No way!
Patrick Jane: Tha't my boys. Live it up!

Teresa Lisbon: If you knew it, why didn't you tell us?
Patrick Jane: It's an exaggeration. I had a strong hunch. If I told you about every hunch, you'd get very irritated.

Freddy: How you feeling, Goldilocks? Feeling lucky?
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry, are we here to share our feelings or play cards?
Cal Trask: Boom. Watch out, Freddy.

Patrick Jane: So when you're searching for a killer, the degenerate gambler in the room is a good person to look at.
Daniel Cardeira: I am not a degenerate. I am a professional! Just having a streak of bad luck.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, you are. Let's go!

Patrick Jane: Your father died protecting you. So, in the end, he... he was there for you.
Jessica Meier-Cardeira: Thank you.


"The Mentalist: Red Sky at Night (#3.1)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: I have a lot on my mind right now. Uh, I didn't really didn't want to come to work today. But my good friend, and colleague, Agent Lisbon tricked me into meeting you. Knowing that I couldn't refuse you because you're the age my daughter would be if she were still alive. If she hadn't be murdered.
Patricia Farrow: Oh goodness.
[Patricia gasps]
Patrick Jane: Murdered by a man named Red John. Whom I met recently, he saved my life and abducted a friend of mine. Long story. Hence many things on my mind.

Patrick Jane: Don't ever do that again.
Drew Yost: [Drew chuckles] Or else what?
Patrick Jane: You ever smell a dead mouse? You remember that smell?
Drew Yost: Yes.
Patrick Jane: Well, I just now put a dead mouse in your jacket pocket, and no matter how many times you clean that jacket, you will always smell that dead mouse. And you will remember that you should *never* put your hands on me.
Drew Yost: [Drew violently removes his jacket and throws it to the ground] Son of a bitch!
Patrick Jane: It's actually just a waded up napkin. But, uh, has the same psychological effect. Human mind's funny that way.
[to Betram]
Patrick Jane: Good to meet you sir. Sorry Lisbon.
[Jane leaves]
Teresa Lisbon: He had a rough summer.

Patrick Jane: Well why don't we just give it to the FBI, they love that stuff.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh I wish, it's too late, the new boss is here doing it on camera as it's our baby.
Patrick Jane: The new boss? I thought Hightower was boss...
Teresa Lisbon: And the boss of Hightower, the director of the entire division... I told you about him last week. Your memory's goin...
Patrick Jane: My memory is a mighty fortress Lisbon, from which, no fact ever escapes once committed. Now when you tell me boring things, I set 'em free immediately. Saves overcrowding.

Patrick Jane: I'm glad to see you're finally learning a few things. Of course, now I shall have my revenge.
Teresa Lisbon: What do you mean?
Patrick Jane: Ah.
[Jane chuckles]

Teresa Lisbon: What the Hell was that? Are you insane? And where did you come up with that stupid ass diamond theory?
Patrick Jane: I don't know what came over me. I see that man, I get an immediate urge to wind him up.
Teresa Lisbon: He's the Director!
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry. He amuses me.

Teresa Lisbon: I promise, I will never lie to you again. I lied this *one* time because I'm concerned. You're isolating yourself. You're pulling away from us, from me and the unit. You are! It's not good. What's going on.
Patrick Jane: Anybody that gets close to me, bad things happen to them.
Teresa Lisbon: "A" that's not true. And "B" even if it were, I'm a cop. It's our job to be harm's way.
Patrick Jane: You're not listening to me.
Teresa Lisbon: We're family! What you're doing is a kind of betrayal. A surrender. A defeat. You're letting Red John win!

Patrick Jane: [mimicking Lisbon] No, I don't want to hear your plan, sheep-dip your plan.

Teresa Lisbon: [after Jane whispers sometime to a reporter] What did you tell her?
Patrick Jane: I was complimenting her on her jacket. It's such a vivid color.
Teresa Lisbon: Liar.
Patrick Jane: You're gonna call me a liar?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, I hate you. I do.
Patrick Jane: Oh, mm-mm.

Teresa Lisbon: How do you think the director is going to feel when he finds out you fooled him into talking complete garbage on TV?
Patrick Jane: It's not garbage. He'll be very angry or very happy, depending on whether I'm right or not.
Teresa Lisbon: Right about what? There is no diamond... ah, I see: a trap. Very clever.
Patrick Jane: Hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: A trap for who?
Patrick Jane: Guess.
Teresa Lisbon: Just tell me!
Patrick Jane: Guess.
Teresa Lisbon: You know what, screw you! You crossed a line already and now you're playing guessing games with me?
Patrick Jane: No, it's just that I'm not quite sure myself. I do have a plan though.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, sheep-dip! You're still trying to punish me for lying to you. Well you know what? I'm sorry. Sorry. You wanted off this case, you're off. Go take a nap in your little thinking room. We'll solve this case without you, the right way. With good solid detective work.
[storms off]
Patrick Jane: So I take it you don't want to hear my plan?
[mimicking Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: No, I don't wanna hear your plan... sheep-dip your plan.

[first lines]
Cop: You can't park there.
Patrick Jane: [walks past and gestures back nonchalantly at his car] Sure I can. Look.


"The Mentalist: White Orchids (#7.13)" (2015)
Teresa Lisbon: You're not wearing your wedding ring.
Patrick Jane: I'm not married.

Patrick Jane: This ring has been with me for a very long time, and, uh... it has obvious significance with my past. But it also represents... meeting you. If I didn't have this ring, I would never have met you. So in a sense, it has the potential to represent my future as well. And I'm not expecting you would ever wear it, but I want to share it with you. And I want it to represent our future. Together
[He takes a deep breath]
Patrick Jane: I want you to be my wife. Will you marry me?
Teresa Lisbon: [Lost for words and overjoyed] Okay. Yes. Yes, I will. Yes!
Patrick Jane: Excellent! I'm glad that's dealt with, I was a little nervous.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, come on. You knew I was gonna say yes.
Patrick Jane: No; even after all these years you're still a mystery to me.

Dennis Abbott: I've been getting some calls about you. My bosses want to know if you're sticking around.
Patrick Jane: That's a good question.
Dennis Abbott: Mm.
[No answer from Jane]
Dennis Abbott: All right, well, no pressure. But if you're going, there is some legal stuff that we need to handle, to expunge that deal that we made.
Patrick Jane: [Grins] The napkin.
Dennis Abbott: Mm-hmm.
Patrick Jane: I'm getting married tomorrow. Then I'm building a house, and... beyond that, I genuinely have no idea. But I can't do this job forever... but it's going to be tough to give it up.
Dennis Abbott: Yeah, sort of giving up making a difference, huh?
Patrick Jane: No, everyone makes a difference. Hard to give up the chase.
Dennis Abbott: Oh, yeah. That it is. So, you, uh... let me know when you know.
Patrick Jane: I will.
Dennis Abbott: It has been very good working with you, Patrick.
Patrick Jane: You too, Dennis.
[They shake hands]

Teresa Lisbon: We should have just eloped like you said.
Patrick Jane: What about your family?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, they wouldn't care. I just talked to them at the hotel. They found the minibar. They're like cavemen arguing over a dead antelope.

Patrick Jane: There's another very good reason we should elope, alright? Keller is apparently still alive and he's mad at me for some reason.

Teresa Lisbon: Is it me, or does it seem like the house slants a little bit to the left?
Patrick Jane: Optical illusion.

Patrick Jane: Don't worry.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't worry about what?
Patrick Jane: You're worried that I'm gonna be upset because you invited your brothers to our marriage.
Teresa Lisbon: How did you know that?
Patrick Jane: When we're married, you think you might stop asking that question?

Teresa Lisbon: Where you going?
Patrick Jane: Well, I have to get you a ring.
Teresa Lisbon: I already have one.
Patrick Jane: No, that is for us. You need one for you.
Teresa Lisbon: I do?
Patrick Jane: You do.
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. Shouldn't I come with you? Isn't that how you're supposed to do it?
Patrick Jane: No, I think we'll waste time bickering. Besides, I have better taste.
Teresa Lisbon: You think you do.
Patrick Jane: You'll see.
Teresa Lisbon: [as he leaves] No... nothing too gauche!

Patrick Jane: [filling out their marriage license] If I'd just remembered how tedious this aspect of the marriage is, I might not have asked you.
Teresa Lisbon: Shush!
Patrick Jane: No, seriously. I'm only on page two. You know, I could just give you the ring and we could elope.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be mean. No take backs.

[series last lines]
Patrick Jane: How you feeling?
Teresa Lisbon: I am so happy.
Patrick Jane: Me, too. Me, too.
Teresa Lisbon: There's something I need to tell you.
[she puts a hand on her stomach, and he realizes she's saying she's pregnant]
Patrick Jane: No, you're... you're kidding me.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not kidding.
Patrick Jane: You are?
Teresa Lisbon: I am.


"The Mentalist: Strawberries and Cream: Part 2 (#3.24)" (2011)
Red John: I think we have a connection that needs to be honored. I want to say goodbye, I want to apologize for any pain I might have caused you and I want to release you from this curse you've been under.
Patrick Jane: I'm not under a curse.
Red John: Doomed to an endless, angry search for a vengeance you'll never have; I would call that a curse, wouldn't you?
Patrick Jane: I look on it more as a hobby, and I will have that vengeance.
Red John: "Vengeance".
[scoffs]
Red John: On what? Look at- look at me, I'm just a regular guy! You thought I'd have horns,
[scoffs again]
Red John: right? I'm not a monster. I'm not the devil. I'm just another human being with flaws and vices and problems, just like anybody else. Forget about me. I'm not worth ruining your life over.

Hightower: How will you do in 48 hours what you haven't been able to do in months?
Patrick Jane: I will because I have to.

Patrick Jane: Hightower wants to surrender. She wants to uh prove her innocence in court. She wants her kids to be safe. I asked her to give us 48 hours before she turns herself into the authorities. And you guys will protect her in the meantime.
Teresa Lisbon: We are the authorities.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, well, you know, I mean you're not the *man*.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, we are. We can't look after her. If we see Hightower, we're supposed to arrest her.
Patrick Jane: So arrest her - just don't tell anybody.

Patrick Jane: [about LaRoche] I threatened to reveal his dark secret.
Teresa Lisbon: Which is what?
Patrick Jane: I have no idea. I was bluffing. It must be something horrible.

Patrick Jane: There. Simple. Elegant. Foolproof.
Teresa Lisbon: Please, don't say that. *Nothing* is foolproof.

Patrick Jane: Red John is one step behind me. But he thinks he's one step ahead, so in effect he's two steps behind. And he doesn't know it. So he'll be overconfident when he walks into my trap.

Patrick Jane: Press redial. Tell whoever answers - tell him O'Laughlin is dead.
Red John: [Lisbon hits redial] Hey.
Teresa Lisbon: This is Agent Lisbon. O'Laughlin's dead.
Red John: That's too bad. Never mind. You win some. You lose some.
Teresa Lisbon: [to Jane] He said never mind. You win some. You lose some.
Red John: [Notices Jane approaching him] I'll call you back.

Patrick Jane: Who are you? What's your name?
Red John: Do I need to need to call security? I'm just messing with you. You know who I am.
Patrick Jane: Tell me anyhow.
Red John: I have many names. Some people call me "Red John."

Patrick Jane: I'm not under a curse.
Red John: Doomed to an angry endless search for a vengeance you will never have. I would call that a curse, wouldn't you?
Patrick Jane: I look at it more as a hobby. And I will have that - vengenance!
Red John: Vengeance - on what? Look at me. I'm just a regular guy. But you thought I'd have horns. Frightened? I'm not a monster. I'm not a devil - just another human being with flaws and vices and problems just like anybody else. Forget about me. I'm not worth ruining your life over.
Patrick Jane: Wherever you go you disillusional freak, I will find you and I will kill you. And then - *then* will forget about you.


"The Mentalist: The Scarlet Letter (#2.2)" (2009)
Coroner Steiner: You're the consultant that pretends to read minds, aren't you?
Patrick Jane: No. I don't pretend to read minds, I *do* read minds. Don't we all look at Lisbon and see what she's thinking.
Teresa Lisbon: No kidding.
Patrick Jane: And I can see what you're thinking right now.
Coroner Steiner: I was thinking that you, sir, are a bumptious fool, and I was wondering exactly what training in forensic pathology you have.
Patrick Jane: Ah. But right before that, you were wondering whether you would choose Lisbon or Van Pelt as your concubine in that little fantasy kingdom you like to visit sometimes.

Patrick Jane: [to the Coroner] It's lovely to meet you doc, you're a horse's ass, but you mean well. I'll be in van.

Dede Guerra: Frankly when you've worked here as long as I have, you hear a lot of stories about wild behavior. Most of them aren't true.
Patrick Jane: Except for the ones that are.

Patrick Jane: You'd think a politician would have thicker skin.
Teresa Lisbon: You accused them of lying about their sex life, and you're surprised that they're upset?

Virgil Minelli: Step carefully. I want daily reports. Oh, and how did the Bats interview go?
Patrick Jane: Oh, that was very exciting.
[Jane leaves]
Virgil Minelli: What did he do?
Teresa Lisbon: Nothing that can't be repaired.
[Lisbon leaves]

Virgil Minelli: You abused a corpse to get a confession!
Patrick Jane: Used. *Used* a corpse. There's no "ab."

Patrick Jane: I brought you doughnuts - the international law enforcement symbol of friendship.

Patrick Jane: There's a stain on the ceiling that looks like Elvis, but today it looks more like... a basset hound.

Patrick Jane: Red John doesn't make mistakes. He doesn't leave clues. If you have new evidence, it's because he wants you to have it. The question isn't "What does it mean?"; it's "why did he give it to you?".


"The Mentalist: Fire and Brimstone (#6.6)" (2013)
[first lines]
Teresa Lisbon: Jane?
Patrick Jane: Hello, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, don't do this. Not without me.
Patrick Jane: I said I'm sorry.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, I am begging you. You're in danger.
Patrick Jane: It... it's gonna be okay. I... I... I'm gonna be okay.
Teresa Lisbon: No, you're not. You do this and you're throwing your life away.
Patrick Jane: Bye, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: [he hangs up] Jane? No.

Kimball Cho: A tattoo?
Patrick Jane: Yes.
Grace Van Pelt: That we can use to identify Red John.
Patrick Jane: Yes.
Wayne Rigsby: That's great. So all we have to do is check each one of the suspects one by one until we find out who has the tattoo.
Patrick Jane: No.
Wayne Rigsby: Why not?
Patrick Jane: Red John doesn't know I know about the tattoo.
Wayne Rigsby: [confused] Okay?
Patrick Jane: So if we start checking suspects, very likely that Red John will find out.
Teresa Lisbon: And disappear before we have a chance of getting him.
Patrick Jane: Exactly.
Kimball Cho: Then what do you want to do?
Patrick Jane: Gather all five suspects together, same place, same time, then start checking for the tattoo.
Kimball Cho: And how do we do that?
Patrick Jane: We'll ask them.
Kimball Cho: And you think they'll agree?
Patrick Jane: Wasn't planning on giving them a choice.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm on board with your plan.
Patrick Jane: Good.
Teresa Lisbon: On one condition. I want to be there when you reveal Red John.
Patrick Jane: Okay.
Teresa Lisbon: Seriously.
Patrick Jane: I said okay.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, but you didn't mean it.
Patrick Jane: Did I not? How can you tell?
Teresa Lisbon: This is non-negotiable, Jane.
Patrick Jane: I agree, a hundred percent.

Patrick Jane: There's been a breakthrough in the Red John investigation. I have some new information; some very significant information.
Reede Smith: Okay. What is it?
Patrick Jane: No, no. Not yet. I'm not sure who I can trust. I'm not even sure I can trust you. Red John has some very powerful allies.
Reede Smith: Patrick... come on.
Patrick Jane: Okay. But not here. Meet me at eight o'clock on Thursday night.
Reede Smith: Thursday? Why?
Patrick Jane: I need time to find a safe place to meet.
Reede Smith: Fine. Where?
Patrick Jane: I'll let you know the day of.
Reede Smith: This is crazy.
Patrick Jane: I have made the mistake of underestimating Red John a number of times now. I don't want to make that mistake again. If you want the information, it's on my terms.

Teresa Lisbon: We've made a breakthrough, sir.
Gale Bertram: In...?
Teresa Lisbon: The Red John case.
Patrick Jane: We're close to identifying him.
Gale Bertram: Well, then this is fantastic news. After all these years. You... you... you really think you've got him?
Patrick Jane: I do.
Gale Bertram: I want to know the second you have something concrete.
Teresa Lisbon: You will, sir.
Gale Bertram: And I want to be there when you end this.
Patrick Jane: I was hoping you'd say that.

Teresa Lisbon: He's at the Ecuadorian consulate. As long as he's there, we can't touch him. What do you want to do?
Patrick Jane: I'll handle Stiles.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, he's not gonna come with you. He doesn't have to.
Patrick Jane: I'll be persuasive.

Teresa Lisbon: We need to talk about tomorrow night.
Patrick Jane: I've already told you.
Teresa Lisbon: Just hear me out, please. You don't want me to be there.
Patrick Jane: No. I don't.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't want me to be there because you think I'm gonna try and stop you from killing Red John.
Patrick Jane: Are you saying that you won't?
Teresa Lisbon: What I'm saying is some men, men like Red John, they don't deserve a trial, they don't deserve a jury. They deserve what they have coming to them.
Patrick Jane: Wait, let me get this straight. After close to twenty years working in law enforcement, you're just... you're changing your mind?
Teresa Lisbon: About Red John, yes.
Patrick Jane: I'm surprised, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: What? You don't believe me?
Patrick Jane: Heavens, no. You're the most honest person I know. You would never lie, not about something like this. Right?
Teresa Lisbon: Right.
Patrick Jane: Tomorrow night, then.
Teresa Lisbon: Tomorrow night.

Patrick Jane: You're going to meet me tonight at eight o'clock.
Bret Stiles: Patrick...
Patrick Jane: No, you listen to me. You're gonna meet me tonight at eight o'clock or I'm gonna come back here, and when I do, you will need more than these walls to keep you safe.
Bret Stiles: Threats? That's so out of character.
Patrick Jane: I mean every word of it.
Bret Stiles: Yes, I believe you do. But you see, Patrick, a dying man does not fear death.
Patrick Jane: Oh, please. This charade might work on your disciples. It doesn't work on me.
Bret Stiles: You think too highly of me. Unfortunately, it's not a charade.
Patrick Jane: How long have you got?
Bret Stiles: It's spread to the blood. There's nothing they can do. I don't know... two weeks, a month. You see, it's not personal. It's just that my time now is very precious.
Patrick Jane: I'm still gonna need you tonight.
Bret Stiles: For god's sake, why? What's so damned important?
Patrick Jane: Red John. I'm close. Closer than I've ever been.

Patrick Jane: I brought you five together for a reason. Some of you may know that reason, some of you may have guessed. But one of you here is Red John.
Reede Smith: [as the group laughs derisively] What? One of us?
Bret Stiles: One of us here is Red John? Well, that's very interesting.
Gale Bertram: Who is it?
Patrick Jane: I don't know. And that's what we're gonna find out.
Reede Smith: Wait, you're trying to say that one of us in this room is a serial killer?
Patrick Jane: I know it.
Ray Haffner: No, this is crazy.
Patrick Jane: I can assure you it's not.
Ray Haffner: Well, I can assure you I'm not sticking around for this crap.
Patrick Jane: [as Haffner stands to leave, he pulls out his shotgun and pumps the slide] Sit down. Do not move toward the door. No one is leaving.


"The Mentalist: A Price Above Rubies (#2.9)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: [Quietly] You son of a bitch. You scared the crap out of me.
Patrick Jane: Oh please. Like I don't know how to work a fat crowd of suckers.

Patrick Jane: So it is usual that your uncle is here after closing?
Tom Doverton: He's not our uncle.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I'm sorry, uh, the man have sex with your aunt then.

Tom Doverton: If I may say so, what I do very much resent is the tone of your questioning.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm - sorry if we've offended you.
Patrick Jane: No, don't say that. This is a murder investigation. I can be as hard assed as I'd like to be. Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: [Quietly to Jane] Actually it's not a murder investigation yet. If Mr. Warren dies, which seems likely, it'll *become* a murder investigation.
Patrick Jane: Oh yeah, that's right. He's not dead. Uh... well I apologize for my rudeness. Heh.

Patrick Jane: My provisional bet? Provisional? Carl Ward.
Grace Van Pelt: Hello? He was shot 3 times.
Patrick Jane: The best accomplice is a dead one.
Wayne Rigsby: He's not dead.
Patrick Jane: Nobody's perfect.
Teresa Lisbon: That's it? Carl Ward is crooked because he got shot?
Patrick Jane: He's an ex tennis pro.
Wayne Rigsby: So?
Patrick Jane: Shady people. By definition, disappointed. Should be on center court at Wimbledon, instead he's tossing lobs to rich old ladies. Makes him bitter and twisted.
Teresa Lisbon: [sarcastically] Case closed.

Teresa Lisbon: Showing the Dovertons to Donny Culpepper. You wanted to see if he recognized one of them, didn't you?
Patrick Jane: You watch too much TV. I just thought there was no reason for Donny Culpepper to be here.
Teresa Lisbon: Now that's just annoying. You're not putting any effort into the lie.

Patrick Jane: [after Jane tries to smash a diamond with a Fire Extinguisher] I had a hunch it was a fake... Guess I was wrong about that.
Teresa Lisbon: Uh yeah.
Coroner Pat: Where is it?
Patrick Jane: Well the good news is, it's not out there. So it's in here somewhere. I'll find it. Anyone see a little?
[Jane makes a richochet noise]
Patrick Jane: Nope.

Clinic Director: I will be calling your superiors!
Patrick Jane: You know a lot of people say that to me. And you know what I say, I say...
Teresa Lisbon: [Dragging Jane out] Let's go!

Patrick Jane: Rigsby put something in your pocket.
Grace Van Pelt: Huh?
[Van Pelt reaches into her pocket and pulls out a diamond]
Grace Van Pelt: Wow!
[Van Pelt looks at Rigsby]
Wayne Rigsby: H-he's messing with you!
[Van Pelt looks at Jane]
Patrick Jane: Uh, it's compressed carbon. If you want to keep it, I don't know about Rigsby, but I wouldn't tell a soul.

Patrick Jane: I deduce from the irritated tone of your phone conversation that I was right about Carl Ward.
Teresa Lisbon: Half right.
Patrick Jane: Go on.
Teresa Lisbon: [reluctantly] His real name's Carl Wyzowski. He was in jail for kiting checks. He's got an ex-wife in Bayonne, New Jersey. She's owed $90,000 in back alimony.
Patrick Jane: ..."Half"?


"The Mentalist: Throwing Fire (#2.10)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: Eh, parents. It's funny, isn't it? The big regrets in life, people keep to themselves.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. I tell people about you.
Patrick Jane: Nice one. Zinger. High and tight.

Patrick Jane: Okay, I'll see a doctor. Uh, excuse me, doctor?
Doc: [the Medical Examiner turns around] Hmm?
Patrick Jane: I know, I'm a live patient. I'm excited too.

Teresa Lisbon: Do you know who the killer is?
Patrick Jane: What do you think?
Teresa Lisbon: I think you said "What do you think" to make me think you do so I'll go with you, but you really don't.
Patrick Jane: Cho?
Kimball Cho: Baseball bat, Baseball Academy, that's not common sense.
Kimball Cho: Great. We'll all go.

Patrick Jane: Well I'm just saying be careful. That you sell your talent and not your soul. Don't let other people run your lives not even your dad. And trust me I know what I'm talking about.

Teresa Lisbon: Let's go see a doctor.
Patrick Jane: Why? You feeling unwell?
Teresa Lisbon: No, you are. Cho said you almost fainted.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I was just pretending. I had these kind of dramatic scenes. Poor kid.
Teresa Lisbon: Liar! You just don't want to go to the doctor.

[Jane has just regained consciousness after being hit in the head with a baseball]
Patrick Jane: Wow. I've never caught a foul ball before.
Teresa Lisbon: Technically, you still haven't. Cho, you take him.
Patrick Jane: Oh, no, no. I'm fine.
Kimball Cho: [holds up 3 fingers] How many fingers?
Patrick Jane: Six. Haven't we got a murder to solve?
Teresa Lisbon: You were unconscious.
Patrick Jane: No I wasn't!
Kimball Cho: Jane, you were.
Patrick Jane: Was not!
[to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: Your turn.

Patrick Jane: Just like most people read books, I read minds.
Snake Gallidos: Okay, what am I thinking?
Patrick Jane: You're thinking "Holy crap, I hope he can't really read minds otherwise I'd be in deep trouble right now."

Young Jane: You know you're always saying, when you're working strong, work strong be brave. Well, I was working strong and I was right.
Alex: No, there is no "right" if there's no payoff. This is show business, not show art.

Young Jane: She's dying, okay? We're stealing for a dying girl.
Alex: All right. You know we're all dying, kid. Okay? We're all dying. But what we're giving her because, yeah, she'll be dead by Tuesday and needs it more than most, is hope. Do you get that?
Young Jane: I can't do it.
Alex: Okay, you're either with the show or you're not. You're a loser, or you're someone who plays the losers. And you can't back out when you feel like it! When it's morally convenient, when you don't have the guts. I never backed out. I've been carrying you for a long time and it's not getting any easier, son. No act. You gonna work that all out by yourself. You going solo? Yes or no, boy. Are you with me? Come on, you gotta say.


"The Mentalist: Red All Over (#2.20)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: Hello Heather Evans. You're very attractive. It's probably why your name's not on that list. Good looking women, they live in a different world.

Patrick Jane: Son staged a coup?
Alexander Harrington: Yes. Do you have any idea of the guts it takes to pull that off? Xander proved he could lead. I've never been prouder of him. Proud of... uh Eddie too, my other son.

Sadie Harrington: How do you tell a 6 year old her father's never coming home?
Patrick Jane: Well, she pretty much knows already. She just doesn't understand.

Kimball Cho: Creepy.
Patrick Jane: What? You don't like giant eyeballs?

Teresa Lisbon: [On the phone] The bomb. I found it. On minute left.
Patrick Jane: Good time to leave. Get out of there. Lisbon, if you think I'm even going to engage in this game of "Which wire to pull.", I 'm not interested. I don't want to play that game. Just leave. Right now! Okay?
Teresa Lisbon: You're right. I'm out of here!

Bret Stiles: You know, now I see why... Red John really enjoys sparring with you. A worth adversary.
Patrick Jane: Straight for the jugular.
Teresa Lisbon: Obviously struck a nerve.

Bret Stiles: Nobody's past helping... even you.
Patrick Jane: Believe when I say this, you don't want to make this personal. Now give us Stanfeld or I will make it my sole purpose to hound you for the rest of your miserable phony life.

Sadie Harrington: [Slapping Jane] You're a bastard!
Patrick Jane: Well, thanks for the uh, feedback. Always appreciated.

Madeleine Hightower: Don't draw the wrong lesson here, Patrick. I've got Stiles checkmated. But if a player with real juice came in here, I'd want to see you dance for him.
Patrick Jane: Isn't that what we just did?
Madeleine Hightower: You know what I mean.
Patrick Jane: Okay. And I do love to dance


"The Mentalist: Seeing Red (#1.7)" (2008)
Patrick Jane: [sniffs] Mm. I smell dead people.

Grace Van Pelt: [referring to Kristina Frye] Excuse me, but you might consider the possibility that she's actually honestly in touch with something beyond your understanding.
Patrick Jane: That would be golf and musical theater of the '30s and '40s.

Patrick Jane: Okay, got. By her own admission, she's either, a channel for energies of the departed souls, or she's involved in this murder. So you got a choice: you can call Ghostbusters, or we can take this lady downtown.
Teresa Lisbon: [to Kristine Frye] Miss Frye, would you mind coming to our office in the morning and answering a few more questions in detail?

Kristina Frye: I think it's important to love oneself. How you do you feel about yourself?
Patrick Jane: Oh.
[Jane chuckles]
Patrick Jane: You tell me. And forget about the $500 an hour. I'm on Civil Service pay.
Kristina Frye: Okay, for free then. I think you act assured and arrogant but inside you're troubled with deep guilt and self-loathing. A recent trauma in your past perhaps. But you're more than a little unstable.
[to Lisbon]
Kristina Frye: You have your work cut out for you.
Grace Van Pelt: You *are* good.

Patrick Jane: The only question is: did you take his room as soon as he left, or did he leave because you took his room?
Jeremy Hale: You're in my personal space, please step back.

Teresa Lisbon: Play nice, Van Pelt's entitled to her opinion.
Patrick Jane: Not if it's wrong. This is like believing in the Easter Bunny.
Wayne Rigsby: Who said there's no Easter Bunny?

Patrick Jane: Calling? Is that what this is?
Kristina Frye: Yeah. Calling. Gift if you like, there's no doubt you have it. Why'd you give it up?
Patrick Jane: It was the suits. Chaffing. Horrible.

Grace Van Pelt: It's really important to you that Kristina's a fake, isn't it? Because if she's not. If she does have a gift, everything you mock, everything you discredit, everything you stand for gets turned upside down.
Patrick Jane: Um
[Jane clears his throat]
Patrick Jane: Yeah. True. Unlikely, but true.

Kristina Frye: Ever since your wife and daughter were killed, there's a question that been tormenting you, yes?... Yes?
Patrick Jane: Yes.
Kristina Frye: Your wife wants you to know that your daughter never woke up. She didn't know what happened. She wasn't scared. Not even for a second.
Patrick Jane: You're done channeling? That's it?
Kristina Frye: That's it.
Patrick Jane: Thanks.


"The Mentalist: Red Brick and Ivy (#1.10)" (2008)
[last lines of the episode]
Teresa Lisbon: You wanna drive?
Patrick Jane: Ah, that's a very sweet offer. Did I really seem so sad?
Teresa Lisbon: What? I was just asking if you wanted to drive.
Patrick Jane: You don't like it when I drive. You despise it.
Teresa Lisbon: You drive way too fast.
Patrick Jane: I drive just fast enough. You hate not being the one in control... and yet you're willing to overcome your irrational fears to cheer me up. That's a beautiful thing, Lisbon. Thank you, I'd love to drive.
Teresa Lisbon: Never mind.
[starts the car]

Teresa Lisbon: Tell me the truth.
Patrick Jane: Truth. Darth Vader? Luke's father.

Teresa Lisbon: A psychiatrist? But you hate psychiatrists!
Patrick Jane: She was... a good psychiatrist.
Teresa Lisbon: She must have been, to keep you in the room.
Patrick Jane: It was a locked room.
Teresa Lisbon: ...Oh.

Professor Stutzer: That's what these animal rights maniacs don't understand, we are trying to create a world of peace, where everyone is safe.
Patrick Jane: From monkey attacks.

Patrick Jane: Forget about the Animal Equality League. We should firebomb the place, they're putting us out of a job.

Patrick Jane: She couldn't kill anyone unless they told her to in a firm voice.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, that's funny. "Don't listen to control freaks." "Whatever you say, sir!"

Patrick Jane: In the future, I hope your love life is a little more peaceful. And if it's not, and the next lover turns out dead again, do me a favor? Don't call me.

Sophie Miller: Well, I'm ruined as a scientist. So, I'll probably go back to helping people one by one.
Patrick Jane: I think that's a great idea. You're very good at that.
Sophie Miller: ...Thanks...
[Patrick leans across and kisses her on the cheek]
Patrick Jane: Goodbye, Sophie. Be well.

Teresa Lisbon: Aww, Jane kissed a girl.
Patrick Jane: Well, yeah, it was... yeah, on the cheek.
Teresa Lisbon: Still counts.


"The Mentalist: Red Sauce (#1.20)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: You really think I would forget your birthday present?
[Lisbon nods]
Grace Van Pelt: [leaving to answer a phone call] Van Pelt.
Patrick Jane: It's on its way!
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, right.
Patrick Jane: Little grumpy 'cause I didn't buy you a pony?

Teresa Lisbon: You and Rigsby stay here. Talk to the kids Didrikson kept in line; see if they have the same take on the guy. Cho, Van Pelt, and are gonna go talk to the wife.
Patrick Jane: All right. We'll see you later.
Grace Van Pelt: Bye.
Wayne Rigsby: Bye. Teenagers. I hate questioning teenagers. It's like talking to mud.
Patrick Jane: You need some love in your heart.
Wayne Rigsby: Oh, is that my problem?
Patrick Jane: Yeah, it is. Stay close.

Teresa Lisbon: Mrs. Didrikson, we're with the California Bureau of Investigation. Put the gun down.
Gina Russo: California Bureau of my ass! You get the hell out of here; I will shoot you.
Teresa Lisbon: This is my cell phone. I am gonna dial 911, and we will get uniform policemen here and they will sort everything out. In the meantime, we'll all relax.
Gina Russo: Screw you! I'm gonna count to ten, and then I'm gonna start shooting. One! Two!
Patrick Jane: [calling Lisbon] Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, get off the phone.
Gina Russo: Three!
Patrick Jane: I think I know what we have here.
Gina Russo: Four!
Teresa Lisbon: I've got a situation.
Gina Russo: Five! Six!
Patrick Jane: I think Didrikson used to work for the mob and went into witness protection. I think that's why he's out here.

Teresa Lisbon: What'd you learn?
Patrick Jane: Well, she's scared, she's of Italian descent, she bites her nails, she doesn't like pets or pineapple.
Teresa Lisbon: [sarcastic] Useful stuff.

Patrick Jane: Sonny Battaglia?
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Keep moving, jack.
Patrick Jane: Name's Jane. Patrick Jane. I need a moment of your time, if I may.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: For what?
Patrick Jane: To speak about Eddie Russo.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: You a cop?
Patrick Jane: No.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Good. You alone?
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: [to his bodyguard] Shoot him.

Patrick Jane: [having a gun pulled on him] There's three reasons I'm not scared. Well, okay, I'm scared, but there's three reasons I'm not terrified.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Please tell.
Patrick Jane: One, you don't get to be your age, rich and unimprisoned by shooting people willy-nilly on golf courses.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Until now. You know what consistency is?
Patrick Jane: The hobgoblin of little minds.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Right. Emerson. Okay, reason number two?
Patrick Jane: I can significantly improve your golf game.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: You and hundred other buckalahs. Reason number three?
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: I know where to find Eddie Russo.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: [after a tense pause, he nods and his bodyguard lowers his gun] How do I improve my game?
Patrick Jane: Well, it's very simple. It's easy. You have to think of hitting the ball more as, uh... an act of creation. What you need is a little more flow.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Flow?
Patrick Jane: Mm-hmm.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: I changed my mind. Shoot him.

Patrick Jane: Thanks for your time, Mr. Battaglia. See you later.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: [Jane starts to leave] Hey, wait a minute. I'm not finished talking with you yet.
Patrick Jane: Well, I'm finished talking with you.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: Hey, what are... what are you, Al Pacino all of a sudden? People don't act that way with me!
Patrick Jane: I do, when there's witnesses around.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: [to his associates] What are we gonna do with this guy? He's got a screw loose.
Patrick Jane: You know, you think you have a certain outlaw charm about you, and you do, but you live by oppression. In reality, you're just a greedy, twisted little sadist.

Wayne Rigsby: You played golf with Sonny Battaglia?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Sonny, uh... well... I did. Mm-hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: What'd you learn?
Patrick Jane: He didn't kill Russo. And golf is oddly very easy.
Teresa Lisbon: And you're sure of this?
Patrick Jane: Mm. I'm very sure. It's all about rhythm. Anyone could do it.
[Lisbon gives him a sarcastic smile]
Patrick Jane: Yeah, Sonny Battaglia's clean; at least I think. It's hard to say with a sociopath.

Patrick Jane: [dialing a number on his phone and handing it to Van Pelt] When someone answers, can you say "Is Mary there"?
Grace Van Pelt: Why?
Patrick Jane: Just for fun.
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: [at the golf course, Battaglia is on the other end of the phone call] Huh?
Grace Van Pelt: Hi. Is, um... is Mary there?
Santino 'Sonny' Battaglia: No, lady, it's the wrong number.
Grace Van Pelt: [hanging up] Wrong number. What was that about?
Patrick Jane: Groundwork.


"The Mentalist: Redwood (#1.5)" (2008)
Sheriff Nelson: If what we have here is a homicide, I'm gonna need some help.
Teresa Lisbon: Just to be clear, except in special circumstances, we don't help out. We take over. You need to be okay with that.
Sheriff Nelson: Okay I guess.
[Lisbon leaves]
Patrick Jane: She's not really a morning person. She'll improve.

Patrick Jane: Did you look under the car?
Sheriff Nelson: Under the car?
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
Sheriff Nelson: Of course we looked under the car!
[Exchanges looks with a deputy]
Sheriff Nelson: Oh crap!

Teresa Lisbon: Bad karma doesn't have an expiration date.
Patrick Jane: Uh, actually it does. According to traditional Buddhist teachings, I'm counting on it.

Teresa Lisbon: Why did you say that?
Patrick Jane: She's going to find out at some point.
Teresa Lisbon: The doctors said to be gentle.
Patrick Jane: Ah, doctors.

Patrick Jane: [to Nicole] Wherever you go until you know the truth of what happened, you will be haunted. Until you see Kara's death redeemed, you will be haunted. You have to know the truth.

Teresa Lisbon: Nice work. For this you illegally abducted her from the Sherrif's custody.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I was - I was going to tell you about it. But I figured seeing as it's illegal, best to keep you out of it. So that you have deniability.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, how considerate of you.

Teresa Lisbon: Hey.
Patrick Jane: Pineapple. He smelled like pineapple.
Teresa Lisbon: Pineapple? What the hell? Go -
[Lisbon realizes who did it]
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. Good. Listen, tell Rigsby, Teresa needs help.

Teresa Lisbon: Oh please, I've seen that done a dozen times.
Patrick Jane: What do you mean? Where?
Teresa Lisbon: On TV.
Patrick Jane: Oh, on TV. Anything can happen on TV. The question is where have you seen it done in real life.


"The Mentalist: Wedding in Red (#6.3)" (2013)
Patrick Jane: Lisbon. Good. We're going to Napa. You drive.
Teresa Lisbon: [he hands her a sheet of paper] Homicide bulletins?
Patrick Jane: Hot off the press. A John Doe in a duck pond awaits.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, that sounds like a case for local authorities.
Patrick Jane: Bingo.
Teresa Lisbon: [realizing his ulterior motive] Napa. Okay, wait a minute. That's Sheriff McAllister's jurisdiction. You want to go and investigate a Red John suspect.
Patrick Jane: Investigating is your thing. I'd just like to get to know him a little better. Shall we?

Teresa Lisbon: [at the crime scene] Hey, Jane. Care to offer your opinion?
Patrick Jane: These ducks love muffins.
Teresa Lisbon: [sarcastic] Very helpful.

Teresa Lisbon: What do you think?
Patrick Jane: Well, he's not as dumb as he looks.
Teresa Lisbon: Is he Red John?
Patrick Jane: It's too early to say.
Teresa Lisbon: How do we find out?
Patrick Jane: I need to be alone with him.
Teresa Lisbon: That would not be wise.

Sheriff McAllister: What's cooking in here? Spot any clues?
Patrick Jane: No. Well, just that hammer up there. You see it? Is that... is that blood on the hitting side?
Sheriff McAllister: Let's have a look.
[he moves closer to the ladder]
Sheriff McAllister: Could be. I'll call forensics.
[into his walkie-talkie as he leaves]
Sheriff McAllister: Fellas? We need a little help...
Teresa Lisbon: Did you see that? He did not want to go up that ladder. Didn't the psychiatrist's office say that Red John was afraid of heights?
Patrick Jane: That's very astute, Lisbon. Well observed.

Teresa Lisbon: [as a result of Jane's meddling, the bride has called off her wedding] Nice push.
Patrick Jane: Eh, something good will come out of this. You'll see. Can we go back to Napa now?
Teresa Lisbon: Please.

Sheriff McAllister: Thought you were supposed to solve a crime, not destroy a wedding.
Patrick Jane: I'd say the killer did that.
Sheriff McAllister: I'm prepared to marvel at your insight. Who's the killer?
Patrick Jane: Still working on it.
Sheriff McAllister: Really? Surprised. I'd have thought you'd have 'em in cuffs by now.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I'd hate to disappoint you.

Patrick Jane: Grace, I need your help. It is imperative that our young lovers go ahead with the wedding as planned.
Grace Van Pelt: Good luck with that. You ruined a girl's wedding.
Patrick Jane: Yes, and I lack the putty to spackle those emotional wounds. That's why I'm calling you.
Grace Van Pelt: I have putty?
Patrick Jane: No, you have life experience. Use it to convince the bride that her happily ever after begins tonight.
Grace Van Pelt: [exasperated sigh] Really?

Teresa Lisbon: [Jane has offered to officiate the wedding] You are not legally ordained.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. I've never used it, but I always thought it was a handy thing to have.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't believe you.
Patrick Jane: I swear. I could marry you off in a minute.
[to a passing CBI agent]
Patrick Jane: Hey, Ron.
[to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: Don't tempt me.


"The Mentalist: Red Herring (#2.15)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: Dr Schneider. Long time. New threads. Sharp.
Dr. Schenider: Yes. The move from Sacramento has been quite pleasant. Fine wine. Lovely weather. No Patrick Jane.

Patrick Jane: Money troubles?
Abigail Barge: How'd you guess?
Patrick Jane: It's a restaurant. They always have money troubles.

Teresa Lisbon: Where are my key?
[Jane holds up her keys]
Teresa Lisbon: You picked my pocket!
Patrick Jane: My turn to drive.
Teresa Lisbon: *Jane*!
Patrick Jane: Oh, don't be such an old lady. Get in. Your fears are groundless.
Teresa Lisbon: You're right. The car has airbags.

Duesterberg: This contest, Mr. Jane, is an affirmation of life. It's a testament that appetite still exists even in the face of death.
Patrick Jane: And you need the money.

Patrick Jane: Do you know a full grown elephan can eat up to 495 pounds of food per day?
Teresa Lisbon: Could you at least pretend to be helping?

Teresa Lisbon: You have 5 seconds to tell me what's going on?
Patrick Jane: First we need a drink.
[Jane grabs two champagne glasses]
Teresa Lisbon: Is it that bad?
Patrick Jane: [Sipping some champagne] It's lovely.

Eliza Green: Just bring me to a hospital!
Patrick Jane: No. Hospital's terrible. Germ factories. You don't want to go there.
Eliza Green: *Are you insane*?

Teresa Lisbon: It's okay. She's gone.
Patrick Jane: Who's gone?
Teresa Lisbon: Oh please, your guilty conscience is obvious and well deserved.
Patrick Jane: Man. Justice can be a harsh mistress.


"The Mentalist: The Great Red Dragon (#6.7)" (2013)
Teresa Lisbon: A secret society of dirty cops.
Patrick Jane: And Red John's a member.
[realizing something]
Patrick Jane: Partridge.
Teresa Lisbon: He said "tiger, tiger" to me right before he died.
Patrick Jane: Hmm. Yes. Yes. He was asking for help, in the hopes that you were a member.
Teresa Lisbon: But if he had a tattoo, it would have been in the autopsy report.
Patrick Jane: Well, you can't trust a file. We have to see it.
Teresa Lisbon: I'll have Cho track down the body. But Partridge could be buried by now.
Patrick Jane: Well, have Cho bring a shovel.

Teresa Lisbon: The team's looking for Smith, Bertram's on the run. So who's Red John? Is it Bertram or Smith?
Patrick Jane: I need to look them both in the eye.

Reede Smith: Five years ago, I hurt my back. I was helping my cousin move a stupid couch. Doctor gave me some pain pills; turns out I liked 'em. I got hooked before I even knew what was happening.
Patrick Jane: So?
Reede Smith: So... I'm chasing a gangbanger down an alley in Carson Springs, and I'm out of it. I mean *way* out of it. I thought... I thought I was being followed. I shot a little girl. A twelve year old girl. Local cops took my blood, they had witnesses; they had me cold. And then this detective, he reaches out to me and he says they can make it all go away. And they did.
Teresa Lisbon: The blood tests? The witnesses? All of it?
Reede Smith: Hell, when they got done fixing it, the FBI gave me a medal.
Teresa Lisbon: And exactly who are "they"?

Reede Smith: We call ourselves the Blake Association.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Tiger, tiger.
Reede Smith: "Tiger, tiger, burning bright." From a poem by Blake. Someone's a big fan of his, I guess.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, who else is in the association?
Reede Smith: Cops, judges, FBI agents. Anyone in law enforcement that needs a secret covered up.
Teresa Lisbon: Like your drug habit.
Reede Smith: You need a favor, you ask for it. You get asked to do something, you do it.
Teresa Lisbon: Tiger, tiger.
Reede Smith: Yup.

Teresa Lisbon: Is there somebody who's in charge?
Reede Smith: Must be. I don't know who. Just know my little group. That's it. But I'm guessing must be hundreds of us. Maybe thousands.
Teresa Lisbon: And nobody knows about it?
Patrick Jane: Bob Kirkland knew about it, didn't he? Go ahead, just say it. Unburden yourself.
Reede Smith: Yeah. He knew too much. So I killed him.
Patrick Jane: Do you know that Red John's a member of the Blake Association?
[Smith groans, rubs his eyes, and nods]
Teresa Lisbon: Are you sure?
Reede Smith: Red John had a follower, Rebecca Anderson. Killed some of your guys about four years ago.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, Sam Bosco and his team.
Reede Smith: Them. Someone asked me to get FBI credentials so that they could access CBI.
Teresa Lisbon: Red John, or someone who worked for him, snuck into the CBI and poisoned Rebecca. And you helped them?
Reede Smith: I mean... that's when I knew I'd... I'd done a... favor for a serial killer.
Teresa Lisbon: Who asked you to get the credentials?
Reede Smith: I dunno. It was a phone call. That's the way the Association works. You never know.
[alarmed as someone passes by outside whistling]
Reede Smith: You... you're gonna be able to keep me safe, right?
Patrick Jane: That depends.
[looking Smith in the eyes]
Patrick Jane: Did you murder my wife and daughter?
Reede Smith: I did not murder your wife and daughter. I swear on my mother.

Teresa Lisbon: Do you believe him?
Patrick Jane: He confessed to murder. Red John would never break like that. Not even as an act.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, if Smith isn't Red John...
Patrick Jane: That means we have work to do. And we need help. Who took over from Brenda Shettrick?
Teresa Lisbon: In media relations? Why?

Dennis Abbott: Dennis Abbott, FBI. You must be Patrick Jane.
Teresa Lisbon: They've shut us down.
Dennis Abbott: We're gonna need to interview you at some point, but it can wait. We're gonna be here for some time. Just don't leave town.
Patrick Jane: We have a killer to catch.
Dennis Abbott: Oh, well, that's our problem now. You had your chance to catch him and you blew it. If you were really trying.
[a passing FBI agent bumps into Jane; his teacup falls from its saucer and breaks on the floor]
Patrick Jane: That was my favorite cup.

[last lines]
Teresa Lisbon: What now?
Patrick Jane: I don't know.
Teresa Lisbon: Van Pelt found some coded files on Bertram's flash drive. Should we get started on those?
Patrick Jane: [getting on the elevator] No, it's a waste of time. We're done. There's nothing more to do here. Just go home, get some rest.
Teresa Lisbon: You're not quitting. I don't believe it.
Patrick Jane: No, I'm not quitting. I'm letting go. It's out of our hands for now. I'll be in touch. Okay?
[as the doors close]
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry. For everything.


"The Mentalist: Aingavite Baa (#2.18)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: There's no point in hiding your frustration with Hightower. I mean sooner or later, you're just going to explode, suppressed rage.
Teresa Lisbon: With any luck, you'll be next to me.
Patrick Jane: That's what I'm worried about.

Dolores Brinton: Will the Tribal Police be with you?
Teresa Lisbon: They're aware of the investigation. We'll keep them in the loop.
Dolores Brinton: I should go with you.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not necessary.
Dolores Brinton: As far as some of them are concerned, you're foreigners. Foreigners with badges. You won't get anything. I'll get my coat.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. Well, we've got ourselves a native guide.

Madeleine Hightower: You certain?
Patrick Jane: Well, certainty is the mother of fools.

Madeleine Hightower: I guess it's you're way of saying you're unhappy with the way I'm handling Lisbon.
Patrick Jane: We spend a lot of time together. And when she's unhappy, uh, I'm less happy. It's human nature.
Madeleine Hightower: Yes, it is. I'll tell you what, Patrick. Why don't you let me handle my business my way, and then judge me by the results, and I'll let you handle yours your way... up to a point.
Patrick Jane: That sounds fair... up to a point. Yeah, very fair. We done?

Teresa Lisbon: So Mr. Silverwing is going to complain to our superiors in the strongest terms. Nice work.
Patrick Jane: See? That's why I didn't bring you along. Deniability. How'd you know we were here?
Teresa Lisbon: I had little tiny GPS trackers sewn into all your suits.
Patrick Jane: For a second there, I almost believed you.

Patrick Jane: List, I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going. I was trying to protect you. I knew I was going to stir things up, and what with Hightower all...
Teresa Lisbon: Don't! Don't ever try to protect me. I can protect myself from Hightower, or anybody else!
Patrick Jane: Ok.

Patrick Jane: [after the culprits confesses and apologizes] Well, that's okay, then. As long as you're sorry. Maybe we'll just let you go... Kidding.

Madeleine Hightower: You solved the triple, right?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah.
Madeleine Hightower: Nobody got hurt?
Patrick Jane: No.
Madeleine Hightower: Then to Hell with him! Got justice done... Keep up the good work.


"The Mentalist: Panama Red (#5.10)" (2012)
Marshall: Hands in the air!
Patrick Jane: Already done.
Marshall: Down on the ground!
Patrick Jane: Well, ehm... Hands in the air or down on the ground? I'm a little confused.

Francesca Ehrlich: Francesca Ehrlich with JG Allen Tobacco. This is Stuart Davis, my boss.
Patrick Jane: Ah. Patrick Jane, consultant.
[Points to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: This, uh, isn't my boss.
Teresa Lisbon: I am Teresa Lisbon, and I am his boss.

Patrick Jane: You keep a hammer in your desk?
Teresa Lisbon: You only think you know everything about me.

Teresa Lisbon: Who's Olivier Gans?
Patrick Jane: Uhm, don't know. Made him up.

Patrick Jane: I think this puzzle box is the key. Whatever is in here was important enough to hide, but not valuable enough to put in that safe.
Kimball Cho: What do you think it is?
Patrick Jane: I don't know yet, it's a puzzle.
Teresa Lisbon: Cho, crack it open.
Patrick Jane: [Pulls it away from them] Oh, no no no no. It's my puzzle. All mine.

Patrick Jane: Hi Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know what game you're playing, but I think you're getting carried away with this Olivier Gans thing.
Patrick Jane: How so?
Teresa Lisbon: I just got a call from the vice president of something or other of JG Allen Enterprises. They're up in arms about Gans.
Patrick Jane: Really?
Teresa Lisbon: They think he's trying to steal Turbo Wolf.
Patrick Jane: Well he hasn't yet, but he might soon. We should meet at his hotel.
Teresa Lisbon: The imaginary man has a hotel?
Patrick Jane: That's right.
Teresa Lisbon: Is this hotel imaginary too?
Patrick Jane: Oh no, very real. It's, uh, the Vista. In Clearlake. I'll meet you there in an hour. Bye.

Patrick Jane: See that face? That's exactly why I didn't tell you the plan.
Teresa Lisbon: It's not a good plan.
Patrick Jane: It's a good enough plan and Rigsby is wearing one of those ear thingies, I will talk him through the con. He'll be fine.
Teresa Lisbon: What if the killer doesn't show up?
Patrick Jane: Then we go back to old fashion police work. But this way we get to enjoy some room service. Please, have a seat.

Patrick Jane: Could you pass the cheese plate? This is getting good.


"The Mentalist: Red Gold (#3.15)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Well, folks, uh, it's been fun.
Melinda Drew: What?
Patrick Jane: I have to go. That's my ride.
Poker-Playing Miner: Come on, you can't just leave. We barely took any of your money.
Patrick Jane: [to Melinda] 2 pair -
[to older Poker player]
Patrick Jane: busted flush -
[to Poker-Playing Miner]
Patrick Jane: Pair of Jacks.
Melinda Drew: Don't let us keep you.

Cheryl Meade: No. Rick didn't believe in guns.
Patrick Jane: He didn't think guns existed?
Cheryl Meade: He didn't like them.
Patrick Jane: Me neither. Terribly dangerous. Have you seen the statistics on Police shootings? One bullet out of every ten hits a bad guy, and that's the trained people.
[to Hightower]
Patrick Jane: No offense.

Madeleine Hightower: There was no reason to treat her disrepectfully.
Patrick Jane: I was probing her. A certain amount of disrespect is necessary. It's uh - it's like getting frisked at the airport.

Patrick Jane: You're really commited to keeping your temper contained, huh? What's up with that?
Madeleine Hightower: You're really commited to testing my temper, huh? What's up with *that*?
[Jane tries to use Hightower to hide himself]
Madeleine Hightower: What - what are you doing?
Patrick Jane: Hiding from Attwood.
Madeleine Hightower: Why?
Patrick Jane: Because we're going to follow him.

Patrick Jane: So you play bad cop.
Madeleine Hightower: I'll be me. Thank you.
Patrick Jane: Right... Exactly what I said.
Madeleine Hightower: Funny... So funny

Madeleine Hightower: I'm not angry.
Patrick Jane: Sure you are. Letting it out will be helpful, I guarantee. Shout. Scream. Hit something - preferably not me. It'll do you wonders.

Patrick Jane: You know I should applaud your bravery, but I gotta say - practically speaking I-I-I -what were you thinking? You could've killed me.
Madeleine Hightower: Sorry. I got mad. I didn't know what I was thinking.
Patrick Jane: That's some goog shooting though. That - leg shot that took him down was very precise.
Madeleine Hightower: I was aiming for his head.
Patrick Jane: Oh fantastic.

Patrick Jane: [after working with Hightower] Oh, you mean going out with another woman?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah - no. You know what I mean.
Patrick Jane: It was great. It was fun. Intense. Uh, challenging. I think we had a great connection.
Teresa Lisbon: That's great.
Patrick Jane: What? You a little jealous?
[Lisbon hits Jane with one of her crutches]


"The Mentalist: Red Letter (#2.22)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: [Referring to the Sheriff's psychic] How much you paying her Sheriff?
Sheriff Burnside: None of your business.
Patrick Jane: Oh that much. I'm working for the wrong people.

Patrick Jane: He can recall foliage from his wedding day, but he can't tell you who killed him?
Kristina Frye: Crossing over to the other side can be confusing. It's a bit like waking up from anesthia. Sometimes it can take awhile to get real clarity.

Madeleine Hightower: She likes you, that one.
Patrick Jane: Which one?
Madeleine Hightower: The blonde one.
Patrick Jane: What?
Madeleine Hightower: And you like her.
Patrick Jane: Wha?I'm not so sure I know where this is headed.
Madeleine Hightower: You know exactly where this is headed. Do you ever consider dating again?... Do you?

Kristina Frye: You think you manipulated me into coming with you, don't you?
Patrick Jane: No, I don't. I think you manipulated me into thinking I manipulated you into coming with me.

Patrick Jane: Oh sweetheart. There you are. Join us. I got us a room and our friend here.
Novella: Novella.
Patrick Jane: Novella. She's going to help us explore some boundaries.
Teresa Lisbon: No, she's not.
Patrick Jane: [Offering Lisbon a drink] Work with me Teresa.

Kristina Frye: I had a premonition you'd be here.
Patrick Jane: Really?
Kristina Frye: No. Lisbon told me.

Patrick Jane: That was pure luck. Admit it.
Kristina Frye: If you say so.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I know so. Dead are dead. You can't talk to them.
Kristina Frye: Yet I do.

Madeleine Hightower: Miss Frye, thank you so much. We couldn't have closed this one without you.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's debatable.
Kristina Frye: You're welcome.
Teresa Lisbon: Although, I have to say, it looks like the spirits got it wrong. I guess being dead doesn't make you infallible.
Kristina Frye: Well, what do you mean? The killer was caught and justice was served.
Teresa Lisbon: Sure, but no blood was spilled. Look. He's right there.
Carmen Reyes: [walking up to Bigelow and punching him the face] Murderer!
[Cho and the patrol cops pull her off of him]
Patrick Jane: [seeing Bigelow's nose is bleeding] Oh, come on.


"The Mentalist: Red Menace (#2.4)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: There is one name programmed into every phone. Particularly into one belonging to a middle aged man that was wearing wedding band. Home.
Nina Hodge: [On the phone] Hello?
Patrick Jane: This Patrick Jane from the California Beareau of Investigation. I was wondering if you knew a man 6 feet tall, mid 40's, salt and pepper hair, grey custom made suit, weighing about 192 give or take.
Nina Hodge: That's my husband! Gordon Hodge.
Patrick Jane: Gordon Hodge.
Nina Hodge: You said you were from CBI, is something wrong?
Patrick Jane: Just a sec.
[Hands the bluetooth to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: It's for you.

Patrick Jane: You know you're a very good liar. Most people subconsciously signal dishonesty. But you, there's nothing. No inner conflict. Usually that's the mark of what shrinks like to call a sociopath.
Von McBride: Well, if by sociopath you mean that if you cross me, I would enjoy watching you suffer pain before I kill you. Then yeah, I'm a sociopath. See ya.

Patrick Jane: People trapped in miserable lives always talk about escaping. Few actually do it. It's easier just to close your eyes and to pretend the misery doesn't exist.

Felicia Gutherie: And what were you people doing out here anyway?
Patrick Jane: Oh we thought you killed uh, Gordon Hodge. So Agent Cho and Rigsby are watching you.
[to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: Oh come on. She was never gonna buy "We just happened to be in the neighborhood."

Teresa Lisbon: It's good to see you care.
Patrick Jane: You know sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

[about the woods they're in]
Patrick Jane: It's lovely.
Teresa Lisbon: It's a crime scene.
Patrick Jane: It's a lovely crime scene.

Teresa Lisbon: Where are you going?
Patrick Jane: Fresh air. All this murder talk is rank. It stinks to heaven. It hath the primal eldest curse upon't.

Grace Van Pelt: Boss, Nina and Lucas Hodge are here to see you.
Teresa Lisbon: She say why?
Patrick Jane: Because I asked them down here. Rigsby, could you bring her through here, please? It'll just take a minute. Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: [Rigsby leads Felicia into the bullpen] Are you gonna tell me what this about?
Patrick Jane: I'm just closing your case.


"The Mentalist: Crimson Casanova (#1.14)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: Mr Wolcutt! It's about your wife's lover. We know about the two hundred thousand dollars she gave him, and we know that you know about it.
Claire Wolcutt: How dare you?
Patrick Jane: How dare I? Did I do something daring? Am I supposed to be afraid of you?
Claire Wolcutt: You're supposed to be respectful.
Patrick Jane: Respectful - you contemptible little buffoon. Your wife just died, and you're swanning around in a monkey suit, drinking punch and laughing with your idiot friends. You want respect?
[Flicks Wolcutt's nose]
Patrick Jane: There's your respect.

Patrick Jane: All you need is a basic understanding of the evolutionary psychology of women, rigorously and fearlessly applied. You gotta know what buttons to press.
Teresa Lisbon: Like we're toasters.
Grace Van Pelt: Like men don't have buttons too.
Patrick Jane: Men are like toasters. Women, a little more like, uh... accordians.

Keith Wolcutt: How dare you?
Patrick Jane: How dare I? Did I do something daring?
[Wolcutt steps up to Jane, looking down on him]
Patrick Jane: Am I supposed to be afraid of you?
Keith Wolcutt: You're supposed to be respectful.
Patrick Jane: Respectful? You contemptible little buffoon. Your wife's just died and you're swanning around in a monkey suit, drinking punch, and laughing with your idiot friends, and you want respect?
[Flicks Wolcutt on the nose]
Patrick Jane: Here's your respect.
[Turns and walks off]

Wayne Rigsby: I don't believe this guy. I give up! I do not understand women. Never have, never will. Seems like the dumber you treat them, the better they like it.
Grace Van Pelt: They're *drunk* women. You can't generalize all women in general.
Teresa Lisbon: [Whispers to Simon] This is your fault.
Patrick Jane: No, it's not. I'm just sitting here.

Patrick Jane: There's no business like Cho business!

Patrick Jane: [watching Agent Cho on a surveillance monitor flirting undercover] The kid's a natural. Look at him... look at him go. The Cho. No business like Cho business.

Patrick Jane: [Lisbon kicks him as he dozes on the couch] What?
Teresa Lisbon: You know damn well what. You assaulted a man.
Patrick Jane: No, I just tweaked him on the nose.
Teresa Lisbon: Technically, that's assault.
Patrick Jane: Technically, he's an ass. He deserved it.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, he is, but this is not a schoolyard. You simply cannot do stuff like that.
Patrick Jane: I did. I did it. And the seas didn't boil and the sky didn't fall.

Teresa Lisbon: Wolcutt is on his way down here with a thousand dollar an hour lawyer. If you give him a formal apology, he says he's willing to drop the whole matter.
Patrick Jane: Hmm, let me think... No.
Teresa Lisbon: Would you please be reasonable for once?
Patrick Jane: I'm busy.
Teresa Lisbon: Right.
Patrick Jane: I am. I'm just thinking that, uh... he's gonna drop the whole matter in any case.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, really?
Patrick Jane: I guarantee it. He's a shallow narcissist. It's all about image. And this whole business makes him seem small and silly.
[Lisbon flicks his nose and storms off]


"The Mentalist: Bleeding Heart (#2.12)" (2010)
Chief Donner: My people can handle this. No problem. California Bureau of Interference is what you are.
Patrick Jane: Interference? That's witty.
Teresa Lisbon: [Quietly to Jane] Stay out of this.
[to Donner]
Teresa Lisbon: I'm sure your people are competent, Chief. We're simply following the AG's orders.

Patrick Jane: Was she dating anyone?
Wilson: A social life - Martha? No. She had a cat.
Patrick Jane: [Picking up a picture of a cat] Ah yes.
Wilson: But it died.
Patrick Jane: Right.

Melba Walker Shannon: [to Wilson] These people will be leaving now.
Patrick Jane: I like the way you say that. Melba-like-the-toast. So tough and command. Let me tell you something. We are state law enforcement. And we leave when we want to leave.
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks for your time.
Patrick Jane: She wants to leave. See ya.

Teresa Lisbon: You guys look into this Jasper character.
Patrick Jane: Don't bother, he's a red herring.
Grace Van Pelt: What does it mean anyway? "A red herring?"
Teresa Lisbon: A red herring is what you look into regardless of what Jane tells you.

Patrick Jane: It's horribly obvious when people are in a relationship. Impossible to hide, try though they might.

Teresa Lisbon: So what's the deal? You know, I would think out of everybody, you'd be the most comfortable with the cameras.
Patrick Jane: Last time I was in front of a camera, things uh, didn't turn out so well.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh God, Jane. I'm sorry.
Patrick Jane: You don't need to be sorry. And you're right. There's no reason not to be civil. I'm going to go apologize.

Patrick Jane: Well, it's a big secret, well kept.
Wayne Rigsby: Maybe you knew, but nobody else did.
Kimball Cho: I knew. Half the building knows.
Wayne Rigsby: They do not!
Kimball Cho: Yes they do.
Patrick Jane: The only person who didn't know is glaring at you right now.
Teresa Lisbon: *Now* I have to do something about it.

Mike Brewster: Do you enjoy police work?
Patrick Jane: Hm...
Mike Brewster: Patrick?
Patrick Jane: Uh, yeah, I'm thinking. Uh... yes and no... uh, yeah, sometimes... and sometimes not.
Mike Brewster: Forget it, Steve. Why do you so dislike being filmed?
Patrick Jane: [stands up and whispers] Because you're stealing my soul.


"The Mentalist: The Red Mile (#3.18)" (2011)
Coroner Steiner: Please maintain a distance of at least 3 steps from the body.
Patrick Jane: Why?
Coroner Steiner: Because this body is a No-Jane Zone. It will not be a playground for you. You will not touch it, or sniff it, or place playing card on it or borrow it for an interrogation. If you do, a deputy will remove you. Clear?
Patrick Jane: That's a little harsh, Doc.
Coroner Steiner: You've driven me to desperate messures.

Patrick Jane: By the way, looks like there's something in his left front pant pocket.
Coroner Steiner: [Steiner removes the note and reads it aloud] "You're about to think 'What the Hell? How did Jane - do that?"
[pause. To Jane]
Coroner Steiner: How did you do that?

Coroner Steiner: [after Steiner was atttacked] Jane, was this you?
Patrick Jane: Wh-?
Coroner Steiner: Another trick?
Patrick Jane: Oh -.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane had nothing to do with this. Nothing at all.
[Steiner leaves]
Teresa Lisbon: You didn't did you?
Patrick Jane: Of course not!
Teresa Lisbon: Swear on your life?
Patrick Jane: On your life even.
Teresa Lisbon: Damn it! Who steals a body?

Grace Van Pelt: Thousands of people say it's happened to them. They can't *all* be crazy or lying.
Patrick Jane: Mm hmm.
Grace Van Pelt: I'm just saying you should keep an open mind. You can't prove there aren't aliens.
Patrick Jane: That's true.

Coroner Steiner: The only other time that I have been in a room like this was to examine a man who died accidentally in the middle of an auto-erotic ritual.
Patrick Jane: Well I bet he died with a smile on his face.

Teresa Lisbon: Who do you think did it?
Patrick Jane: Jabba the Hutt.
Teresa Lisbon: Seriously.
Patrick Jane: Ming the Merciless.
Teresa Lisbon: Okay.
Patrick Jane: Alf?
Teresa Lisbon: When the aliens do come, I hope they eat you.

Patrick Jane: Are you sure about this?
Teresa Lisbon: Are you *ever* going to tire of asking me that?

Patrick Jane: [Steiner has ordered him to step back from the body] Well, I'm nothing if I'm not respectful of my fellow crime fighters, but I can see everything I need to from here anyway.
Coroner Steiner: Really?
Patrick Jane: Hmm.
Coroner Steiner: What exactly do you see?
Patrick Jane: He's in money, but not a banker. Something more aggressive; stocks or such. Social drinker; increased his intake lately, so under some pressure. A registered Independent, though always votes Republican. And as much money as he has, his wife has more.
Coroner Steiner: Ridiculous.
Patrick Jane: He chose the tasteless tasseled loafers, she bought the opal inlay sterling silver cuff links.
Coroner Steiner: Guesses. You might as well say he's going to meet a tall, dark stranger.
Patrick Jane: That's very unlikely, Doctor. He's dead.


"The Mentalist: Every Rose Has Its Thorn (#3.19)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Did you know that in seven years, each and every cell is completely replaced in your body? That means you are literally a different person from when we first met.
Teresa Lisbon: Sadder but wiser.

Teresa Lisbon: How is giving to charity a red flag?
Patrick Jane: Giving to charity isn't a red flag. Giving half a million dollars to charity out of the blue *is*. It's a sure sign of a guilty conscience.
Teresa Lisbon: That is so far from the truth.
Patrick Jane: Think about the people who donate that kind of money to charity. Wall Street Executives, crocked politicians, troubled celebrities. It is all in the name of clearing their conscience.
Teresa Lisbon: You're terrible.

Patrick Jane: Erica, it's over. I'm sure of it.
Erica Flynn: Don't be. No everyone's as smart as you.

Patrick Jane: I'm looking for someone who uh - someone I can trust. Someone strong. Someone at peace with themselves. Someone better than me. Someone who knows the... worst side of me and still loves me.
Erica Flynn: Sounds like an amazing woman.
Patrick Jane: She was.

Erica Flynn: What do you want from your life?
Patrick Jane: I want my life to be free.
Erica Flynn: Free how? To love? To be loved?
Patrick Jane: Free from my past.

Erica Flynn: You're simply doing what you've been doing since your wife died. Intentionally sabotaging any relationship by pushing away anyone who makes you feel something. You want me to be the killer because you don't want to have feelings for me. It's a tragic but natural response to the guilt you feel over your wife's death.
Patrick Jane: I do push people away. And I do feel guilt over my wife's death. But that does not change the fact that you murdered your husband. I am more certain of that than ever!

Teresa Lisbon: What was that all about?
Patrick Jane: Oh, she was just thanking me for consoling her.
Teresa Lisbon: Ah, and here I thought you hated talking to widows.
Patrick Jane: This one's a little different.
Teresa Lisbon: How so?
Patrick Jane: She murdered her husband.


"The Mentalist: Ring Around the Rosie (#4.4)" (2011)
Luther Wainwright: You want me to believe that a man who confessed to murder did nothing and a man who did nothing is a murderer?
Patrick Jane: You may even be smarter than you look.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane.
Patrick Jane: You're going to have to speak up. It's a little loud here.
Teresa Lisbon: Are you close to us?
Patrick Jane: Well that depends, are you still on crowd control?
Teresa Lisbon: No, we have a homicide now.
Patrick Jane: Then I'm close.

Patrick Jane: Strange time for a murder, isn't it? Middle of a protest march.
Teresa Lisbon: Leave it to a killer to do something crazy.
Patrick Jane: Or calculated. You notice how this alleyway's starting to look like a policeman's ball? If I wanted to use a bullet to express my displeasure at the mayor's politics, first thing I'd do is clear out the heat.

Luther Wainwright: The trouble is, I mean, even if you're right, we can't arrest an offender before he's offended.
Patrick Jane: It's better than after, don't you think? See, here's the problem with working homicide: so much death.

Patrick Jane: You don't want to pull that trigger. You think you do you think it'll turn off that vacancy sign in your soul. But the truth is: taking a life just makes thing a lot more complicated. Believe me.
Henry Tibbs: I don't expect to live past today.
Patrick Jane: But you can. You haven't hurt anyone yet. You put that gun away and we'll get you the help you need.
Henry Tibbs: I think it's too late for me - and everyone here.

Luther Wainwright: So I uh, I cross referenced all of my observations with your history as a thief and con artist. And uh, congratulations, Jane. According to the score, you're a clinical psychopath.
Patrick Jane: Wow. Well... certainly explains a lot.
Luther Wainwright: Now I know what I'm dealing with so... I'll adjust accordingly.
Patrick Jane: As you should.

Patrick Jane: You think I'm an anti-social personality?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah. Sure. Who isn't?


"The Mentalist: Jolly Red Elf (#3.10)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: Hey Jane, could I trouble you for a professional opinion?
Patrick Jane: [Jane examines the body] No.
Teresa Lisbon: No what?
Patrick Jane: This isn't the actual Santa Claus.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh really?

Teresa Lisbon: No, I just think people can celebrate a holy day without lying to children about a magical fat guy with a sack full of toys.
Patrick Jane: So you took the whole Santa revelation badly, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: Crushed my heart like a cigarette.
Patrick Jane: Explains why you're still looking for magic in your life.

Teresa Lisbon: So you think the suicide was staged?
Patrick Jane: Well, it's not to say he's without his secrets. We all have secrets, don't we? And Christmas, well, it's full of contradictions. The man that dedicated his life to spreading joy could very likely be hiding a - what is this?
[Jane picks an ornament from the tree]
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: Oh... a sobriety chip.

Patrick Jane: You old assistant to me where to find you. I need your help.
Virgil Minelli: Well, that's a twist. You never needed my help when I was your boss.

Virgil Minelli: What does Lisbon think of your theory?
Patrick Jane: I can't tell her. That'd put her at risk.
Virgil Minelli: Of course, and what about me?
Patrick Jane: You're a brave old man with nothing to lose.
Virgil Minelli: Not so brave. No so old.
Patrick Jane: What do you say? Will you help me?
Virgil Minelli: You need a different kind of help. Red John is turning you into a paranoid conspiracy freak.

Patrick Jane: Chance has thrust away a very sordid and vexing problem. But have no fear.
Grace Van Pelt: We don't.
Teresa Lisbon: I do. What's your plan?

Virgil Minelli: What you said about that fish, you opened my eyes to some ugly truths I've been avoiding.
[Hands Jane a folder]
Virgil Minelli: LaRoche's suspect list. Secured through back channels, and personal favors. LaRoche has no idea I have it.
Patrick Jane: Thank you.
[Jane hugs Manelli]
Virgil Minelli: You need anything else, let me know.
Patrick Jane: I will. I have to go. Could you do me a favor? Could you extend my apologies to May? Perhaps you'll sit with her and have some lunch.
Virgil Minelli: I can do that, I think... Any tips?
Patrick Jane: Uh, yes. You might want to consider growing a beard.


"The Mentalist: Red John's Footsteps (#1.23)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: Yeah, it's Red John all right. But someone else is involved. Else why would he change his M.O. so radically. Skywriting?
Teresa Lisbon: Well, he wanted to make sure that the CBI, that *you*, would be put on the case. He's obviously trying to lure you into some kind of trap.
Patrick Jane: Well that's part of it. But why take them from a car instead of catching them home alone like he's always done before. And why two victims at once? Twins. Why break pattern?
Teresa Lisbon: He's broken pattern before.
Patrick Jane: Yes. Because it was personal. He wanted to punish me.

Patrick Jane: [to a witness] Please understand something... I have a *very* deep personal interest in this case. I'll do whatever it takes. I will have you framed for murder. I will torture you. I will kill you myself if I have to. Whatever it takes.

Patrick Jane: If we catch Red John, he's not walking anywhere. He's mine.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't talk like that. I can't let you anywhere near the case if you start talking crazy like that.
Patrick Jane: Crazy? *You're* crazy if you think you're gonna stop me. Red John is mine! You try to stand in my way and you - I - you - you will regret it.

Patrick Jane: And he would have lead you straight to Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: You'd be dead.
Patrick Jane: But you would have Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't think you mean what you say. I think you'd choose life.
Patrick Jane: Well, you think wrong.
Teresa Lisbon: No. No. You think wrong. Can't you see there's people who care about you, who need you? You're being selfish and childish. And I want you to stop it.

Sheriff Hardy: You recall a man by the name of Orville Tanner?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Red John's accomplice in his first killing. He was caught. Died ten years ago in jail.
Sheriff Hardy: That's the man. I'm his son, Dumar. This is the family farm. He was a good man. A good father. He wrote me every week until the day he died, you know? Taught me everything I know.
Patrick Jane: And Red John?
Sheriff Hardy: Friend of my father's, and a close friend of mine, I'm proud to say.
Patrick Jane: He doesn't have friends. He has tools.

Sheriff Hardy: How'd you know it was me?
Teresa Lisbon: Don't move!
Patrick Jane: Rosalind mentioned that Dumar was a heavy smoker who was trying to quit. And you, you chew on those nicotine gums all day long.

Patrick Jane: Lisbon? Look.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, damn.
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
Teresa Lisbon: No, it's... it's a coincidence.
Kimball Cho: That's what I said.
Patrick Jane: No. No such thing as a coincidence. Not with him.
Sheriff Hardy: What are you all talking about? Who's "him"?
Grace Van Pelt: Red John. He's a serial killer. This is his style of cutting.
Patrick Jane: Look at the toenails.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, I see them.
Patrick Jane: Painted in her own blood, just like my wife. This is Red John, and he wants to make sure I was on this case.


"The Mentalist: Red Badge (#2.3)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: [Referring to the victim] Who is he?
Teresa Lisbon: Name's William McTerr from San Francisco, serial child rapist. Served 6 years at Pelican Bay.
Patrick Jane: And you know this how?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm the one who sent him there.
Patrick Jane: Ah.
Teresa Lisbon: We're near Marie's Donuts.
[Starts to leave]
Teresa Lisbon: Anyone want to get a bearclaw after?

Sam Bosco: [after Jane does an impression of Bosco] Well that's pretty good. You should get an act together. Can you do Barbara Streissand.
Patrick Jane: Don't tempt me.

Virgil Minelli: You're worried about her?... You think she might do something stupid?
Patrick Jane: Suicide? No... If she did, she wouldn't blame the beaureau.
Virgil Minelli, Patrick Jane: That's not my concern at all. I should've taken her off duty weapon.
Patrick Jane: I'm sure she'll be all right.

Patrick Jane: I didn't see it. Of course.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: He's in love with you.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be silly.
Patrick Jane: I know, hard to fathom. But uh, there's no accounting for taste. Is there?
Teresa Lisbon: Hush.

[Jane has hypnotized Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: You're going to remain in this relaxed, trance state while we think about Tuesday night. But first... sometimes you dance to that Spice Girls CD, don't you.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah.

Teresa Lisbon: What's up that we couldn't talk inside? I'm busy.
Patrick Jane: Thought you might want to be outside so you could express your anger without constraint.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: I know you lied about the alibi.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't lie.
Patrick Jane: I don't know what you did on Tuesday night, but you weren't watching TV.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't lie. He made risotto.
Patrick Jane: Now this is insulting. You gonna continue lying to me?

Patrick Jane: The memory's there, we can get it back. If I put you in light trance...
Teresa Lisbon: Like that's gonna happen. Stop trying to hypnotize me.
Patrick Jane: What if something traumatic happened and you're blocking it out?
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't kill McTeer.
Patrick Jane: Well, let me hypnotize you so we can be sure.
Teresa Lisbon: No.
Patrick Jane: Why not?
Teresa Lisbon: Because I don't want you inside my head.


"The Mentalist: Bloodsport (#3.11)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: [to Lisbon] I bet your pension this has something to do with the fight.
Len Artash: But Manny and Merriman were in the cage when she was shot.
Patrick Jane: Are you a detective?
Len Artash: No.
Patrick Jane: Well then...

Patrick Jane: Either you are a genius manipulator concealing your complicity in the case or you're a... dimly lit clown. Which is it?
[Jane leaves. ]
Rowdy Merriman: Come back over here!
Patrick Jane: [as he's passing a security guard] You were right big man.
Rowdy Merriman: [Chasing after Jane] Say that again you son of a bitch! Why don't you come back here and see what running your mouth gonna getcha.

Floyd Benton: Police aren't you?
Patrick Jane: How'd you know?
Floyd Benton: Police and fine women always think they got a right to be where they at. You ain't no fine woman.

Patrick Jane: [Quietly to Merriman] I think you like getting beat up. A little masochistic streak there, huh?
Teresa Lisbon: [a fight breaks out between Merriman and Manny] Thanks for that. Thanks

Teresa Lisbon: You gotta feel for the guy. He lost his livelihood.
Patrick Jane: Meh. He lost a life of getting hit in the head. But he got his marriage back. Seems like a fair trade to me.
Teresa Lisbon: Aren't you the romantic.
Patrick Jane: Makes the world go around.

Big Man: You don't want to go back there.
Patrick Jane: [waves his hand, imitating Ben Kenobi in "Star Wars: A New Hope"] These aren't the droids you're looking for.
[continues walking by as Big Man looks perplexed]

Len Artash: Sir, why are you staring at me like that?
Patrick Jane: I was staring? Oh, I'm so sorry. My mind was elsewhere.


"The Mentalist: Ball of Fire (#3.8)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: You want me to be sorry? Okay, I am sorry. I'm sorry that the loss of your father drove you mad. But I don't regret what I did to him. He was a thief and a murderer - and I did everything to catch him because that's who I am.

Patrick Jane: [Referring to a body] Rachel, could you please move that thing? Please. Please. Please, the stench is unbearable. O-over there. Anywhere. Just please, please move him.
[Winger moves the body closer to Jane. Jane groans]
Sherry Winger: Smell that.

Patrick Jane: Lisbon, I'm sorry. This is my fault. I will not let you burn alive God as my witness.

Sherry Winger: What did you do?
Patrick Jane: I said I wouldn't let her burn. This way she won't suffer.
Sherry Winger: SON OF A BITCH! You think I won't hurt you more?
[Winger grabs a cattle prod and attacks Jane]
Sherry Winger: I can do this all night!

Patrick Jane: You're wasting your energy.
Teresa Lisbon: You have a better idea?
Patrick Jane: It so happens that I do.
[he shows her the penknife in his hands]
Teresa Lisbon: Where'd you get that?
Patrick Jane: [pointing to the dead body] Him. I was hoping to unlock my handcuffs, but, uh... no luck.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, what are you gonna do?
Patrick Jane: You're not gonna like it.

[last lines]
Teresa Lisbon: Where's my apple?
Patrick Jane: Your what?
Teresa Lisbon: My apple. I asked you to get me an apple.
Patrick Jane: I come through the valley of death and all you can think about is your stomach. A piece of fruit.
Teresa Lisbon: That's right.
Patrick Jane: An apple.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes.
Patrick Jane: That's just plain selfish.
Teresa Lisbon: Selfish?
Patrick Jane: Yes, it is. Now, I...
Teresa Lisbon: [talking over him] Me, selfish?
Patrick Jane: You're on my couch. I'm trying to have a cup of tea. Have you finished? You called me creaky. I've been cattle-prodded all week. I just wanna have a rest and a nice cup of tea and a little sleep.
Teresa Lisbon: I wish I had a cattle prod.

Patrick Jane: [Lisbon is captured by Sherry] Oh. Visiting hours. Hey, Lisbon.
Sherry Winger: [handcuffing Lisbon] Hands.
Patrick Jane: What's the plan, Rachel? I get to watch Lisbon die just like you watched your father die?
Sherry Winger: That's right.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: That's what I thought.


"The Mentalist: Little Yellow House (#7.7)" (2015)
Teresa Lisbon: Stan says Jimmy called him, said he was in Chicago, but Stan doesn't know where he is.
Patrick Jane: Well, if he's in trouble, he's gonna go someplace where he feels safe. You know where that might be?
Teresa Lisbon: My parents' old house, probably.
Patrick Jane: Sounds right.

Teresa Lisbon: I have to go to Chicago, find Jimmy, bring him back here.
Patrick Jane: Okay.
Teresa Lisbon: I should only be gone a couple of days.
Patrick Jane: You know, I can come with you if you want me to.
Teresa Lisbon: Ah, it wouldn't be any fun for you.
Patrick Jane: Fun's overrated.
Teresa Lisbon: If you want to come, you can come.
Patrick Jane: Do you want me to?
Teresa Lisbon: I would very much like it if you came.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry. My family's messy.
Patrick Jane: Oh, no need. Messy people are good people.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not messy.
Patrick Jane: You're messy on the inside.

Jimmy Lisbon: Sis. What are you doing here?
Teresa Lisbon: There's a warrant out for your arrest. You're wanted for questioning by the U.S. Attorney and you ran away. Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in?
Patrick Jane: Catch anything?
Jimmy Lisbon: No.
[to Teresa]
Jimmy Lisbon: Your boyfriend?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah. Patrick.
Patrick Jane: [shaking hands] Hi.
Teresa Lisbon: I want to help.
Jimmy Lisbon: Did I ask for your help?
Teresa Lisbon: No, but you're my brother.
Jimmy Lisbon: Yeah, I'm your brother. You know, it's funny how I'm only your brother when you think I messed up.

Patrick Jane: Do you mind if I have a little talk with your brother alone?
[Lisbon retreats out of earshot]
Jimmy Lisbon: No offense, but "sister's boyfriend" isn't exactly a position of authority to me.
Patrick Jane: Let me offer you a deal. You come back to Texas with your sister and me and you'll never have to testify. And no one will ever know that you helped us.
Jimmy Lisbon: How do you swing that?
Patrick Jane: We'll catch the killer in a way that your testimony will be unnecessary.
Jimmy Lisbon: Just like that?
Patrick Jane: Well, I skipped a few steps in the middle, but yeah.
Jimmy Lisbon: I don't even know you, man. Why should I trust you?
Patrick Jane: Because I haven't told your sister about the man in the house and why he was really there. I know he's not from Dallas, and I don't think that he was there to collect on a gambling debt. Do I have to go on?
Jimmy Lisbon: No.
Patrick Jane: Look, I... I don't like keeping secrets from Teresa. I care about her, and I care about the people that she cares about. You come back to Texas and you'll be fine, I promise.
[they shake hands]
Patrick Jane: [calling to Lisbon] We're good.

Patrick Jane: Your brothers don't hate you.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, they do.
Patrick Jane: No, they don't.
Teresa Lisbon: Jimmy's right. I left. After my mom died, I was the parent, and I left.
Patrick Jane: Well, you felt trapped. Of course you did.
Teresa Lisbon: Now Stan's life is a mess, Jimmy's got a gambling problem, and god only knows what Tommy's up to.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, sure. Look, they... they've got their problems, but they're good people. They wouldn't even be here if you hadn't loved and protected them when they were kids. You're uncomfortable around them because you feel guilt. I don't understand that. But you need to know they're not mad at you. They're not. They just miss you.
Teresa Lisbon: You knew exactly what was going on, with Stan and Jimmy and the guy at the house. You figured it out and you didn't say a word to me.
Patrick Jane: Well... it's not my business.
Teresa Lisbon: Thank you.

Teresa Lisbon: I don't think I've said this. I mean, I know I haven't said this, but I don't really know if I need to, because you always know what I'm thinking.
Patrick Jane: Well, not everything.
Teresa Lisbon: Would you be surprised if I said I love you?
Patrick Jane: I'd be... I'd be lying if didn't say I would be moved by that.
Teresa Lisbon: I love you.
[in a coy whisper]
Teresa Lisbon: I said it.
Patrick Jane: I'm surprised.


"The Mentalist: His Red Right Hand (#2.8)" (2009)
Patrick Jane: Morning Rebecca.
[Referring to some coffee she's carrying]
Patrick Jane: They look good. One of those for me? You know it's alright to like me. Your boss and I made up.
Teresa Lisbon: It's okay Rebecca. I don't like him either.
Patrick Jane: She's a liar. She loves me.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Teresa Lisbon: Jane, you may be in shock. Look at me.
Patrick Jane: There should be 3 bodies. There's only 2. Where's Hicks?
Teresa Lisbon: [Taking out her cellphone] I'll get Cho on that.

Patrick Jane: Bosco is the only person that can tell us what he found on Red John. And he may die. We need to wake him up and have him tell us everything he knows while he still can.

Teresa Lisbon: [Referring to Bosco] How could you know what he would want? You don't even know him!
Patrick Jane: But you do. If he had to suffer pain to stop Red John, he would do that. You know he would. You know that!

Kimball Cho: We found the missing Red John victim.
Patrick Jane: Better still. This is Red John's mistake. This is it!

Patrick Jane: I want you to think of this before you go to sleep. You are nothing to him, but a useful object. He is not a good man.

Sam Bosco: Do me a favor. When you catch him, don't arrest him. Kill the son of a bitch!
Patrick Jane: That's the plan.
Sam Bosco: Good.


"The Mentalist: Blood for Blood (#3.14)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: [Findng Trina's treehouse] What do you know, huh? I wonder why you doubt me, Lisbon.
[Loudly]
Patrick Jane: Trina, you there?
Teresa Lisbon: Sweetie, it's all right. We're with the CBI.
Patrick Jane: I know it sounds made up, but we-we have a website and everything.

Patrick Jane: [to Aunt Jodie as she's smoking] Every time you breathe that breath of putrid smoke, remember this: this is a fat rich tobacco executive thinking what a fool you are every time you breathe that smoke. Laughing at you, with his fat jowels wobbing with glee. Do you see him?
[Aunt Jodie nods]

Marshal Gorman: [after Jane bets he can find the location in less than a minute] Wicked good job, if you're right.
Patrick Jane: Thanks.
Marshal Gorman: But I'm not paying up until the guy's in cuffs.
Patrick Jane: Well, just so you know, I prefer cash.

Aunt Jodie: [to Lisbon about Jane] What is he doing? Could you please control your man?
Patrick Jane: Oh believe me, she's tried.

Teresa Lisbon: We'll protect her.
Aunt Jodie: Like you protected her father?
Patrick Jane: Go ahead, tell your aunt.
Trina: It's my dad who died, not yours.
Aunt Jodie: Trina...
Trina: You won't let me do this, I'll never forgive you. I swear!

Patrick Jane: It was self-defense.
Teresa Lisbon: Exactly, and if it was self-defense, she'll be acquitted.
Patrick Jane: Oh, and the courts never get it wrong. The system never chews people up.
Teresa Lisbon: We *are* the system, Jane. We get it right most of the time.

Patrick Jane: Shine your flashlight up into the trees.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Because I like the effect it has on the leaves.


"The Mentalist: Bloodhounds (#3.12)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Really? A Decision Science Consultant?
Teresa Lisbon: Don't start. This goes way above us. We're good to the Feds, the Feds will be good to us. When in doubt don't act out.
Patrick Jane: You just made a rhyme. When am I ever in doubt?
Teresa Lisbon: Seriously. You start trouble and I will...
Patrick Jane: Burst my bubble.

Patrick Jane: [Calling Lisbon on his cellphone] Lisbon, yes. I ditched you. Uh, I must confess. Look at the bright side, I left you with a car this time... There's no need to be so grumpy, it's okay.

Patrick Jane: [to Montague] Turn the supercomputer off. Sit back enjoy the ride - and the company if possible.

Patrick Jane: Why can't a notion, a thought, or an idea just hang out there for a moment? Just hang?
Dr. Montague: Because life is order and sequence. Death is disorder entropy.

Teresa Lisbon: [to Jane and Montague after arrest Coffey] Darn! With him in the back, there won't be any room for you two.
Patrick Jane: Well, how are we going to get back?
Teresa Lisbon: Take the bus!
Patrick Jane: He was our driver.

Teresa Lisbon: [after closing the door] What did you just say?
Patrick Jane: I wrote the letter from the Caveman.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, I heard you the first time.
Patrick Jane: Why did you ask me to say it again?
Teresa Lisbon: It was a rhetorical question!

Patrick Jane: [uncovering a dead body] Ah, it's a foot!


"The Mentalist: Red Sky in the Morning (#2.23)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: She's going to ask you if she can come with us, now obviously that's your call. But I hope you refuse, because I won't work with her. I will quit.
Madeleine Hightower: Well, what's you objection, if she can help us, why not?
Patrick Jane: Nothing she says is more than clever guess work.
Madeleine Hightower: So, she has the same skill sets as you... without the drama. What's the deal?
Patrick Jane: Red John is mine!

Patrick Jane: Are you blind? You've done exactly what I did. I went on television, and talked about him as though I knew him, and he killed my wife and child.
Kristina Frye: Patrick, he was punishing you. Because you lied about him. I was telling the truth. He won't take offense with me. He might even listen to what I said, in fact, - I believe he will. People do change, Patrick, it's possible. Agent Hightower, I'm truly sorry for dismaying you. If you'll excuse me, I have some appointments.

Patrick Jane: Red John certainly made his point. Quite possibly, he'll leave things be.
Kristina Frye: I know he wil, I have a clear vision of him. He needs to create fear, that's all. He's done that for now, and he feels calm and perfectly safe.

Kristina Frye: How are you going to protect me? If Red John comes through that door right now, what are you going to do, hypnotize him?
Patrick Jane: I will do what I need to do.
Kristina Frye: If Red John wants to reach me, he will. I choose to believe that he doesn't want to. Now, go away!
Patrick Jane: I'm gone.

Teresa Lisbon: You should make that call.
Patrick Jane: What call?
Teresa Lisbon: Right, like I'm not a detective too.

Wesley: Welcome detective, I'm Grady Schipp. Good of you to come visit me. You're a lucky man. Very lucky, tonight, you will have the dying honor... Can we do that again? Tonight, you will have th honor of dying as a sacrifice to the holy master, Red John. Behold the blood sacriment of the master.
Patrick Jane: Stop! You want to try that again? Just - try it again. It - say it like you mean it. You know, where's the passion coming from?

Patrick Jane: Dylan. Ruth. We need to talk.
Dylan: Thank you very much for totally *ruining* a *freaking* brilliant scene, jerk!


"The Mentalist: Red Alert (#3.13)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Well, I would like to pay this ticket - but under protest.
Zach Gladden: Nobody pays any other way.

Donna: I-I-I'm sorry I said anything. Please - please don't shoot me.
Ron Crosswhite: I'm not going to shoot you.
Patrick Jane: Well, waving a gun in her face is not a good idea.

Ron Crosswhite: [the phones are all ringing] Well, what now?
Patrick Jane: You got me... You could answer the phone.
[Crosswhite starts smashing all the phones]
Patrick Jane: Well that's going to make it a little tricky to talk to them.

Ron Crosswhite: I don't even know why I'm listening to you.
Patrick Jane: Because I know what I'm talking about. You're on the edge, and I've been there. It's a dark and lonely place. And I'm telling you this is the way back. And more than anything else, I'm offering you what you want. Your wife's killer standing in front of you in chains. Now if you go out there, there's a chance you will see that. But if you stay in here, you'll probably die.

Officer Tom Rowley: [for the second time] Licence and proof of insurance
Patrick Jane: I mean is this really necessary? Aren't we all part of the Justice League? Do you think Aquaman would give Batman a ticket?

Chief Arnold Nail: What possible reason could I have to hurt those women?
Patrick Jane: Well, Ginger I'm not so sure about yet, but Amber... she found out, didn't she?
Chief Arnold Nail: You got your killer right there.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, and you were terrified I was starting to believe him. If he was telling the truth about what time he came home that night...
Teresa Lisbon: Then the security footage doesn't make sense.
Chief Arnold Nail: What do you mean?
Patrick Jane: Well, it's unlikely the electric company meddled with it.
Teresa Lisbon: You had access to the evidence and you changed it.
Patrick Jane: Amber, the video expert, figured it out. And then you killed her. But what you didn't know is she left a message about what she found on the mayor's desk.
Chief Arnold Nail: There was no envelope.
Patrick Jane: Yes, there was. 'Cause I put it there. Now let's see it.

Patrick Jane: Hey, um, sorry about the whole jail thing. But you did take a bunch of people hostage.
Ron Crosswhite: I don't care. Jail doesn't mean anything to me now.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, well, we'll see how you feel about that in a couple years
Ron Crosswhite: I'll be fine. I can breathe again. Thank you.


"The Mentalist: A Dozen Red Roses (#1.19)" (2009)
Kimball Cho: I could arrest you for that.
Patrick Jane: You'll never take me alive, copper.
Kimball Cho: Seriously.
Patrick Jane: Seriously. It's Marilyn and Charlie. What? Do you want to make a comedy arrest? See your name written in the weird news section?

Patrick Jane: Bullied at school were you?
Mitch Cavanaugh: I was not, actually.
Patrick Jane: Sure you were. Even now, after all these years, you lie awake sometimes thinking of all the ways that you could wreck revenge on your tormentors. And now out of fear and avarice, you let this man, Fanning, bully you the same way. Mitch, it's the same way, the same thing. You gotta get a life.
Teresa Lisbon: Or get arrested.

Patrick Jane: Well, love is not blind, it's often pretty stupid.

Patrick Jane: I think I know what happened here, Sydney. I'm wondering if you do, too.
Sydney Hanson: Uh, yeah. My boyfriend shot my dad. And then my stepmom shot my boyfriend. My life is like a sick joke.

Felicia Scott: Patrick, would you do me a favor?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I might.
Felicia Scott: Tell Sydney I'm sorry. I see now, on reflection, I wasn't the stepmother I might've been. I'm sorry for that. I did try. I hope and pray she doesn't become bitter. But that she finds happiness.
[sobs]
Felicia Scott: Because happiness is so hard to find. Once you find it, you better hang on tight. Or you lose it.
Patrick Jane: That's true... That's true.

Gabriel Fanning: I've been exploring other aspects of my life.
Patrick Jane: Narcotics and despair?

Teresa Lisbon: Mitchell Cavanaugh, you're under arrest.
Patrick Jane: Oh, Mitch, I thought we worked through your doormat issues. Tell Cho to squeeze him a little. He knows things.
Mitch Cavanaugh: No, I don't.
Patrick Jane: Sure you do, Mitch.
Teresa Lisbon: You're not gonna like getting squeezed by Cho.


"The Mentalist: The Red Ponies (#3.5)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: Come on, tell me how you won.
Patrick Jane: Think about it.
Teresa Lisbon: I hate it when you say that.

Frank Lockhardt: Yeah. I've been hearing about that trick all day. Very impressive.
Patrick Jane: Trick? It's no trick. I actually listen to the animals.
[a horse neighs in the background]
Patrick Jane: Did you hear that? He doesn't like you suit.

Patrick Jane: [to Sam Sparks] Good thing for you, you're a terrible liar. It's all about the eye contact.

Grace Van Pelt: Wait. Did you okay this with Lisbon?
Patrick Jane: I certainly did. What kind of question is that, anyway? It's almost like you don't trust me.

Patrick Jane: Fool to herself - that girl. It was never going to work.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be so cynical.

Wayne Rigsby: [the ME finds a card on the victim] That's my card!
[to Jane]
Wayne Rigsby: How did you do that?
Patrick Jane: Huh? What?
Medical Examiner: Card tricks? A man has lost his life. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Patrick Jane: Pick a card.
Wayne Rigsby: [picking a card] That one.
Patrick Jane: Memorize it.
[Rigby studies the card, then returns it to the deck]
Patrick Jane: [studying Rigsby's face] Jack of diamonds.
Wayne Rigsby: Nope.
Patrick Jane: Huh. Are you sure?
Wayne Rigsby: Yep.
Patrick Jane: Well, uh... Cho?
Kimball Cho: It's a card trick. Not interested.


"The Mentalist: Black-Winged Redbird (#6.2)" (2013)
Teresa Lisbon: Partridge is dead. Red John killed him and did nothing to me. Why?
Patrick Jane: He didn't do nothing. He took Partridge's blood, put it on your face, made his mark.
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. What... what does that mean?
Patrick Jane: He was just being playful. Ran out of time. Maybe something spooked him and he couldn't go through with his usual routine.
Teresa Lisbon: You were right about the phone traces. Red John hooked me like a fish.
Patrick Jane: Well, at least he threw you back.

Teresa Lisbon: Red John has been ahead of us this entire time. I know you say he's not psychic, but I'm not sure. You said yourself that when Red John killed Eileen Turner, it was like he reached inside your head and killed a happy memory. How could he do that if he's not psychic?
Patrick Jane: That's a good question.

Patrick Jane: What's up, Cho?
Kimball Cho: Are you working this case?
Patrick Jane: I'm always working the case.
Kimball Cho: Rigsby's going to the victim's house, and I've got to talk to some people about drones.
Patrick Jane: Oh! Drones. That's new. Count me in.

Patrick Jane: Red John killed Sophie because she could identify him. Now, he could have stolen my records without ever seeing her. He must have wanted to meet her, to talk to her.
Teresa Lisbon: Why?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't know why. Maybe curious about someone that was close to me. But he did. He's been planning this for a while. Probably went to see her weeks ago, or maybe even months.
Teresa Lisbon: Why not kill her then? And why kill her now?
Patrick Jane: Her death would have tipped me off. He waited until he knew that I would try to track her down. He had to have used subterfuge to get in to see her.
Teresa Lisbon: Like pretend to be a patient?
Patrick Jane: Probably.
Teresa Lisbon: Then she'd have a file on him. What good would it be? It's not like he's gonna tell her the truth.
Patrick Jane: No, but Sophie had a very good eye for people. He may not have been able to hide everything from her.
Teresa Lisbon: We need to get that file.

Grace Van Pelt: How's boss?
Patrick Jane: Alive and cranky.

Patrick Jane: You're wondering who Sophie Miller is?
Teresa Lisbon: She was your psychiatrist after your wife died. What made you think of her?
Patrick Jane: Oh, I don't know. Doctors, hospitals.
Teresa Lisbon: You think Red John learned about Eileen Turner from her.
Patrick Jane: He must have. I must have told her a lot of things I don't remember. I was on some serious medication.

Patrick Jane: Did we get the autopsy report?
Teresa Lisbon: You want to look at the autopsy results?
Patrick Jane: Come on, don't be so surprised. Does it say what Stone had for dinner?
Grace Van Pelt: [reading the report] Uh... contents of stomach: fried chicken, cheeseburger, mashed potatoes, French fries, macaroni and cheese, apple pie, and ice cream. Yuck.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. Let's bring everyone in tomorrow, wrap this one up.
Teresa Lisbon: What does that mean?
Patrick Jane: Finish. Uh, move on, concern ourselves with something more important.
Kimball Cho: You know who did it.
Patrick Jane: Sure. Take a look for yourselves. It's right there.
Teresa Lisbon: Where?


"The Mentalist: Pink Chanel Suit (#3.6)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: How would you describe Abby?
Dr. Saban: Oh, uh, a good-hearted woman. Full of life. Vivacious.
Patrick Jane: [Jane's phone rings] Oh execuse me.
[Jane hands some grapes he was holding to the doctor. Then Jane answers his phone]
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, hello.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, where are you?
Patrick Jane: I'm just talking with the family doctor here. Says our missing girl is an unstable nymphomaniacal stoner. Interesting, no?
Dr. Saban: Uh, I didn't say that.
Patrick Jane: Yes you did. You practically screamed it.

Patrick Jane: [to Sophie] You ever notice that... feeling, that physical unwell feeling you get when you know you should say or do something. Heart pounds. Headache. Backache... You can feel better immediately. If you tell the truth... right now.

Teresa Lisbon: [At the door] Hi. We have delivery from L Courtier. You want to open the door?
Patrick Jane: [In the distance] She's lying!
Grace Van Pelt: [Lisbon and Van Pelt burst in. Van Pelts puts cuffs on Daniella] Abby Fitzwilliams, you're under arrest!
Daniella: I'm not Abby.
Teresa Lisbon: [Entering another room] Put your hands in the air now!
[Realizes it's Jane]
Patrick Jane: Lisbon, Grace, where's your manners? This is Danniella - Abby's best friend. Come in have a seat.

Patrick Jane: I was working the case. The rug was a stand-in corpse. I just wanted to see if it was possible for the killer to leave the compound with Abby's body.
Madeleine Hightower: And is it possible?
Patrick Jane: Not unless the culprit was a mountain gorilla.
Madeleine Hightower: So now you've had your fun to no useful end. And now she's asking me to remove you from the case. Is there any reason why I shouldn't do as she asks?
Patrick Jane: [Jane rises then sighs] She's a suspect.

Patrick Jane: You searched for a living breathing woman not a dead body. Big difference.
Teresa Lisbon: Why would the killer hide one victim and leave the other one behind?
Patrick Jane: Good question.
Teresa Lisbon: We'll search the property again. This time we'll get cadaver dogs and more personell.
Patrick Jane: No need. I know exactly where the body is hidden.

Patrick Jane: I've got to call Hightower.
Teresa Lisbon: Hightower? Why?
Patrick Jane: Voicemail. Hey, Hightower. It's Jane. Just wanted to let you know, that, uh, there's going to be what you like to call "foolishnes" going on at Ethel Sebring's funeral. That's it. Have a great day.
[Jane ends the call. Then to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: She told me to call. Better hurry.
[Jane heads towards the funeral]
Teresa Lisbon: Jane.

Patrick Jane: But you have to trust me.
Teresa Lisbon: Right. And what if you're wrong again?
Patrick Jane: Well, if I'm wrong, then we're in deep trouble. But what are the chances *really* of me being wrong twice in a row? Think about that one. Of course, if either of you have a better idea of how to find Abby's body, or catch her killer, please. These are not taxi doors. They're ears.


"The Mentalist: Redline (#2.13)" (2010)
Kimball Cho: I've got the client list here right here. It's evidence. What did you do that for?
Patrick Jane: I have eliminated this man from any suspicion. Too honest to profit from a killing, too honest to kill, right?
Salesman: Right.
[Cho leaves to break up all the fighting sales people. Jane stays behind with the last Salesman]
Patrick Jane: Unless, of course you're very cunning. And you're working a double bluff... No. I didn't think so.

Patrick Jane: Oh stop. Self-pity will kill you. Take it from someone who knows.

Walter Mashburn: Oh, I know you're a charlatan as I said. You lost your wife and kid to a serial killer, your fault you think. And now you're on this hopeless quest for redemption. Battling evil and injustice, right?
Patrick Jane: Close enough.
Walter Mashburn: You play mind games with people. You size up their weaknesses and then you give them the rope to hang themselves.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you make it sound so cool.

Patrick Jane: [after Mashburn's car goes over the edge] Well, uh, at least no one got hurt... It's a terrible color any way... Uh, I'll get you a new one... Sorry.

Walter Mashburn: So it's over?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It's over.
Walter Mashburn: That's too bad. It was fun.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. How you gonna top that thrill?
Walter Mashburn: Maybe next time, I'll be the killer.

Patrick Jane: Hey. Need a ride?
Teresa Lisbon: Where did you get that?
Patrick Jane: Oh, this old thing? Walter Mashburn.
Teresa Lisbon: Even though you wrecked his car just to get a clean read on Elias?
Patrick Jane: Is that what I did?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah, you did. Mashburn's not mad?
Patrick Jane: No. We gave him a new experience. He helped us catch the killer, this is his way of saying thank you. Get in.
Teresa Lisbon: We're not allowed to accept gifts from people.
Patrick Jane: It's not a gift, it's a lend. Now, I know this fantastic restaurant in Napa; we can be there in about seven and a half minutes. It'll blow your mind.


"The Mentalist: Bloodstream (#3.17)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: She does the detecting and I do the insulting.

Teresa Lisbon: Golf. I don't get it.
Patrick Jane: Pointless. Absurd repetitive activity. Very good for clearing the mind. All these stalls here - mental washing machines.

Teresa Lisbon: Are you for real? We've had to endure your surprise visits for months. You've named your killer. She's on the run. Why do you keep showing up at my crime scenes?
LaRoche: Because this morning I...
Teresa Lisbon: I don't even want to hear it! The second Hightower's replacement is annouced, I am going to put in a formal request to keep you away from me!
LaRoche: As I was saying, this morning I was assigned to take over Hightower's duties, which includes overseeing this team.
Patrick Jane: Oopsy-daisy.
LaRoche: I appreciate your candor, and I'm going to honor your request. Agent Cho.
Kimball Cho: Yeah?
LaRoche: I'm putting you in charge of the team as of right now. Agent Lisbon, you report to Cho. Good day.

Francine Trent: Are you the CBI Agents?
Patrick Jane: Yes. She does the detecting, and I do the insulting.
Teresa Lisbon: Uh, consulting.
Patrick Jane: That too.

Patrick Jane: I'm off to the cafeteria for something deliciously suspended in gelatin.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not even going to ask you where you're really going. You want to know why?... I don't have to know.

Dr. Evan Quick: Well, this is hardly the venue.
Patrick Jane: Au contraire, this is just the venue. A room full of professionals who prescribe drugs they know little about to cure diseases they know less about for people they know nothing about.
[Turns and looks at Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: And they call ME a fraud.


"The Mentalist: Paint It Red (#1.13)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: Just follow procedure. Have fun!
Patrick Jane: Where is the fun in that?

Patrick Jane: May I borrow it for a while?
Rob Wallace: Uh, I don't know about that. How - how do I know I'm going to get it back?
Patrick Jane: Uh, let me put it to you this way. Lend it to me, or Agent Van Pelt here will take you and the painting back to Sacramento, and keep you there. And ask you mind numbing questions for hours and hours on end... Thank you.

Teresa Lisbon: Arlov controls an oil pipeline this country needs. It's a National Security issue.
Wayne Rigsby: Another argument for energy independence there.
Patrick Jane: Where's he staying?
Teresa Lisbon: I repeat: do not touch!
Patrick Jane: Oh no. No. No touching. I promise.

Teresa Lisbon: I wanna get Harry Lashley's killer as much as you do. But we cannot go after Arlov. The State Department...
Patrick Jane: A fig to the State Department.
Wayne Rigsby: I agree. Screw 'em.
Teresa Lisbon: That attitude is why *I'm* in charge and you guys aren't.

Patrick Jane: I showed you my identification to discourage you from killing me or torturing me or something. You might not get arrested for it, but you sure will make some kind of fuss.
Shirali Arlov: I don't mind fuss. Anything to avoid boredom.

Patrick Jane: For what it's worth. I, uh, I just wanted to apologize for my pious rant earlier. I needed a pretext to burn the picture and your family dysfunction became it.
A.P. Caid: No sir, no apology needed. There was some good hard truth in what you said.


"The Mentalist: Ladies in Red (#1.4)" (2008)
Teresa Lisbon: [Referring to Jane] He's not an agent. He's a consultant.
Patrick Jane: No badge. No gun. They don't even give me dental.

Wayne Rigsby: I look around, I don't see anyone here who could torture a man to death with pliers and a lit cigar.
Patrick Jane: Picture them naked and ravenously hungry.

Wayne Rigsby: I sent out the vibes. I got none back. Okay? So leave me alone
Patrick Jane: Vibes. Really? Vibes?
Kimball Cho: That's where he stares at the back of her neck for several hours. Women love that.
Wayne Rigsby: Shut up Cho!

Jennifer Sands: This whole time you were just playing me.
Patrick Jane: Not the whole time
Jennifer Sands: This is sad. I- thought we had a real connection
Patrick Jane: We did.
Jennifer Sands: We can again.
Patrick Jane: No, we can't.

Patrick Jane: No wife should glow at her husband's funeral.

Patrick Jane: I wanted to win the bet too, but uh... I couldn't. Just because I lost doesn't mean you shouldn't take my advice.
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah I should.
Patrick Jane: I'm serious man. Go for it!
[Jane leaves]
Grace Van Pelt: ...What's he talking about?
Wayne Rigsby: Nothing.


"The Mentalist: Scarlet Ribbons (#4.1)" (2011)
Det. Wade: Yeah, but the problem is, Jane, the man you killed, his name is Timothy Carter. Well respected local business man, a devoted husband, and father with no criminal record.
Patrick Jane: No, that's incorrect...
Det. Wade: Wait a minute. Let me finish. Now we already looked at his cell. I got the details right here. He logged zero calls from this O'Laughlin. None... And guess what else?... He didn't have a gun on him.
Patrick Jane: No gun?
Det. Wade: No gun.
Det. Miller: So you see how this doesn't look good.
Det. Wade: Looks like either you're telling us both a pack of lies, or you went crazy and killed an innocent man.

Patrick Jane: I didn't go nuts.
Teresa Lisbon: I believe you. I'm not sure a jury will.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, well that is a problem. I did what I had to do, and I will live with the consequences.

Teresa Lisbon: Somehow I don't think she's not gonna wanna talk with you.
Patrick Jane: Really?
Teresa Lisbon: You killed her husband.
Patrick Jane: Well, there you go. The ice is broken. We have something to talk about.

Patrick Jane: Question: do you trust me?
Teresa Lisbon: No 100%. No.
Patrick Jane: Different question, then: could you stop right here?

[last lines]
Teresa Lisbon: You got your vengeance. You feel different? You feel better?
Patrick Jane: No. I feel guilty.
Teresa Lisbon: Guilty? Why?
Patrick Jane: For deceiving the jury. I mean I had no choice going to jail would've been a victory for Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: What do you mean? Red John's dead.
Patrick Jane: Timothy Carter is dead. He was an evil man. But he was not Red John. Red John... is still alive.
[Lisbon stares at Jane, and car horns honk]
Patrick Jane: Watch the road.

Patrick Jane: Prosecutor says that Timothy Carter wasn't Red John. Well... Carter told me himself that he was Red John, but I... I can't prove that. The forensic evidence is inconclusive, his wife refuses to talk to anyone, refuses to speak at all, so she's no use to us. What about Carter's records? Surely there must be some clues there. No. On paper, this man seems to appear out of nowhere five years ago. Before that, nothing. Why? Because Timothy Carter is an invented identity, a mask. I'm not guilty of killing Timothy Carter because Timothy Carter never existed. There is no Timothy Carter. There is only Red John. Red John started killing people twelve years ago. It's hard to put an exact number on how many people he's killed, but it's somewhere around 28. Nearly all women, late at night, in their homes. He wakes them first because he likes to see the fear in their eyes. He likes to hear them beg for mercy as he cuts them open. He did that to my wife and daughter, and I've been looking for him ever since. Looking for personal vengeance. I believe that's... my right. I have the right to kill the man that killed my family. I don't say I shouldn't be punished for doing what I did, I feel I had no choice. What would you do?


"The Mentalist: Where in the World is Carmine O'Brien? (#4.6)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Two fingers, just dip and remove. No hesitation. Want to give it a try? Okay.
Annabeth Lisbon: [brushing past Jane and picking his wallet from his pocket] Did you feel that?
Patrick Jane: Well, just slightly. Did you feel that?
Annabeth Lisbon: [he holds out her own wallet] You're good.
Teresa Lisbon: [approaching] Picking pockets. Nice.
Patrick Jane: Oh, I promised I'd show her if she told me your best Auntie 'Reese stories.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't you dare.
Annabeth Lisbon: Of course not. I was just stringing him along.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you were, were you? I guess I won't give you this, then.
Annabeth Lisbon: [he holds up her cell phone] Hey!

Teresa Lisbon: Jane and I have to go to work. You mind hanging out in my office?
Annabeth Lisbon: Sure.
Patrick Jane: [as Lisbon leaves] Rigsby is a nice, easy mark if you want to keep practicing.

Teresa Lisbon: The DUI, Zubov, he's an economist. He's in Fairmont for some sort of trade conference. He stayed on for vacation.
Patrick Jane: Fascinating, but not what you really want to talk about.
Teresa Lisbon: I cannot believe my brother is a bounty hunter.
Patrick Jane: There we go.
Teresa Lisbon: Why, all of a sudden he's some sort of tough guy? Who does he think he's fooling?
Patrick Jane: Not you.
Teresa Lisbon: You know what bugs me? He didn't even tell me. It's not like we don't talk. I could have told him this was a bad idea. All he had to do was pick up the phone and call, but instead, nothing.
Patrick Jane: Wonder why that is.
Teresa Lisbon: I basically raised that punk and his brothers. It's not my fault if he doesn't communicate.
[noticing Jane's smirk]
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, you think it is my fault.
Patrick Jane: No, I... I didn't say that. You said that. I say live and let live. We'd all be happier.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, mind your own business.

Teresa Lisbon: [after questioning a suspect] Now all we have to do is find the woman he assaulted.
Patrick Jane: Well, she's reluctant to make a public accusation. That's why the chief hung the DUI on Zubov.
Teresa Lisbon: To buy time to convince the victim to testify. It fits. But without an actual victim, we don't have anything. I can't even get a search warrant for his room.
Patrick Jane: Zubov's an opportunist. The question is where did he have opportunity?

Patrick Jane: Problem?
Grace Van Pelt: M.E. puts the time of death between 2 and 3 a.m. Zubov was in his room from the night on. He couldn't be the killer.
Patrick Jane: Eh. It was a non-starter anyhow.
Grace Van Pelt: And Sofia Chavez won't testify against him. We can't even touch the scumbag.
Patrick Jane: World's full of scumbags we can't touch
Grace Van Pelt: I know. I know. It's just...
Patrick Jane: I hear you. It'd soothe your troubled soul if you could just stick it to this particular scumbag.
Grace Van Pelt: Well, yeah. I guess it kind of would.
Patrick Jane: [giving her a look] Shall we?

Patrick Jane: We have to leave right now.
Teresa Lisbon: I need to talk to O'Brien.
Patrick Jane: Well, that might be a little difficult, because he's not in the building.
Teresa Lisbon: Why not?
Patrick Jane: Uh, I'll explain to you on the road. I know a great shortcut.
Teresa Lisbon: [confused] Where to?


"The Mentalist: Red Rum (#1.12)" (2009)
Kimball Cho: If dark forces did exist, stands to reason there could be people who control them for their own ends.
Patrick Jane: They're called investment bankers, and they don't live around here.

Teresa Lisbon: There's no such thing as black magic.
Patrick Jane: Somebody disagrees.

Tamzin Dove: Killing spells are secret. But this is a public binding spell and it's similar. What's your name?
Kimball Cho: What's it to you?
Patrick Jane: Kendall Cho.
Kimball Cho: Hey!

Patrick Jane: Life is a million to one. The universe is one big coincidence. Cosmically improbable coincidences happen all the time. We just don't notice them all.
Kimball Cho: Or she's a witch.

Brad Elkins: Go away!
Patrick Jane: I can't I wish I could. It's my job to help people until we get to the truth.
Brad Elkins: Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Janice Elkins: How could you be so cold?
Patrick Jane: Practice.


"The Mentalist: My Blue Heaven (#6.9)" (2013)
Teresa Lisbon: I've got a job. I'm not going to drop everything just because you suddenly decided to come back.
Patrick Jane: We'll talk.

Patrick Jane: I know you're drug dealers. I don't judge. I'm wanted for homicide myself in the US.

Patrick Jane: Hey, G-man. I'm ready to come home.
Dennis Abbott: Well, that is good news.
Patrick Jane: But on my terms. Is that clear? And when we get back to the U.S., I want a meeting with whatever powers that be to make clear that those are the terms.
Dennis Abbott: I'm sure we can work out something like that.
Patrick Jane: And I want Lisbon there.
Dennis Abbott: Why?
Patrick Jane: Lisbon's there or I don't do it. And if you say she's gonna be there and she's not, I will make it clear to your bosses that I will work with any FBI agent except you. You'll have done all the work to get me and get nothing for it. Do we have an understanding?
Dennis Abbott: What time do you want us to pick you up?
Patrick Jane: I'll let you know. I've got something I gotta do first.

Patrick Jane: Did they put a chip in your neck?
Kimball Cho: Not that I know of. Why do you ask?
Patrick Jane: Well, you just don't seem too happy to see me.
Kimball Cho: I am happy to see you. I just wish it was under different circumstances.
Patrick Jane: Why's that?
Kimball Cho: I don't think you and the FBI are gonna get along very well. I don't think they really understand how you operate.
Patrick Jane: Eh. They'll loosen up once they get to know me.

Patrick Jane: [seeing Lisbon for the first time in two years] Hey.
Teresa Lisbon: Hello. Nice beard.
Patrick Jane: Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: Thank you for the letters.
Patrick Jane: [hugging her] Oh, I missed you.
Teresa Lisbon: I missed you, too.
[they break apart]
Teresa Lisbon: What's going on, huh? Why am I here?
Patrick Jane: You'll see. It's gonna be great.

Patrick Jane: [surprised to see Kim at the FBI office] Kim?
Dennis Abbott: Agent Fischer.
Teresa Lisbon: "Kim"?
Kim Fischer: Agent Fischer.
Patrick Jane: [realizing something] Agent Fischer.
Dennis Abbott: Mr. Jane will be going to a detention suite.
Kim Fischer: I'm sorry to hear that. I'll make the arrangements.
Patrick Jane: Oh, yeah, I'm not fussy. If you have one with a view, I'll take it. If not, uh... whatever. As long as I can make some tea.
Teresa Lisbon: Who is she and what is a detention suite?
Patrick Jane: Don't worry, Lisbon. It's all under control.


"The Mentalist: Red Tide (#1.3)" (2008)
Kimball Cho: You had the keys in your hand the whole time?
Patrick Jane: You gotta let it go man.
Kimball Cho: Did you have the keys in your hand?
Patrick Jane: If I tell you how it's done, the Magic Circle will send a team of assasins to kill us all. It's the law.

Kimball Cho: How is that relevant? Looking for someone who doesn't like orange rabbits.
Patrick Jane: Exactly. You know what boys, I like it here.
[Jane finds a spot on the beach]
Patrick Jane: Yeah. I think I'll stay.
Kimball Cho: What?
Patrick Jane: Yeah.
[Jane lies down]
Patrick Jane: Ahh.
Kimball Cho: [to Rigsby] Let's just leave him here.

Patrick Jane: [to Flipper] You see, the thing is, Flip. Lisbon here, is looking at you like you're a porkchop. Because you fit the profile. Your life is in chaos. You're lonely. You're depressed. You're addicted to drugs and pornography, and uh, a little nuts to be honest. You're exactly the kind of man who does terrible things to women.
[Starts to leave, then Jane stops and turns around]
Patrick Jane: But I don't think he did it. Because I think deep down, you're a good man. You should learn to use your bishops a little more effectively, but otherwise a good man.

Danny Kurtik: I don't know what you're talking about. But you mean to be offensive, I guess. And you've succeeded very well. And I'm going to be taking this up with your superiors. What is your name?
Patrick Jane: My name is Patrick Jane.
Teresa Lisbon: [Quietly to Jane] Jane stop.
Patrick Jane: And I have no superiors. And I'll tell you what I'm talking about you sweaty little pervert.

Teresa Lisbon: So what do you think? Did it work?
Patrick Jane: I think 3... 2... 1... How cool would it have been if one of them walked in right now?
Hope: [Slight pause. Hope enters] Hi.

Hope: Are you guys cops?
Wayne Rigsby: CBI.
Hope: What's CBI?
Wayne Rigsby: California Bureau of Investigation.
Patrick Jane: Cops.


"The Mentalist: Devil's Cherry (#5.2)" (2012)
Charlotte Anne Jane: [about Lisbon] What's her story? She have a boyfriend?
Patrick Jane: Be quiet.
Teresa Lisbon: I didn't say anything.
Patrick Jane: I was talking to the hallucination.

Teresa Lisbon: Now you're stealing an ambulance?
Patrick Jane: No, I'm just admiring the interior. Wicked GPS. How much you think one of these rigs goes for?

Patrick Jane: I had a daughter named Charlotte.
Charlotte Anne Jane: I know.
Patrick Jane: No, you don't. Who put you up to this? Red John?
Charlotte Anne Jane: Red John, Red John, Red John. I'm so over Red John!
Patrick Jane: You are not my daughter. My daughter was murdered. I found her body.
Charlotte Anne Jane: "You are safe, you are loved and you are wise".
Patrick Jane: Who told you those words?
Charlotte Anne Jane: You did. Every night when you tucked me in the bed.

Charlotte Anne Jane: Well, to be honest, dad, your obsession's a little creepy and weird, you know.
Patrick Jane: What? I do it all for you. And your mom.
Charlotte Anne Jane: Yeah. And I hate to be the one to break this to you, dad, but there's nothing that you can do for us. We don't give a damn what happens to Red John. I mean, we're dead. Gone. And you need to start dealing with that.
Patrick Jane: I deal with that every day.
Charlotte Anne Jane: Maybe that's the problem.

Patrick Jane: Hallucinations are part of the subconscious. Mine could be clues.
Teresa Lisbon: We'll go when you're lucid.
Patrick Jane: Well, when I'm lucid, I could forget everything. But right now, let me tell you right now my visions are very, very real!
Teresa Lisbon: In other words, you want to use drugs to solve a case.
Patrick Jane: Some great minds did their best work on hallucinogens.
Teresa Lisbon: And now you have a great mind?

Patrick Jane: You're still here.
Charlotte Anne Jane: You're still tripping.
Patrick Jane: It would seem so.
Charlotte Anne Jane: You really shouldn't be driving. And you especially should not be driving an ambulance.


"The Mentalist: Red Moon (#3.9)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: There's no upside to taking the law into your own hands. Revenge truly doesn't work.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's just a sweeping statement, isn't it? I'm sure we all can think of examples where revenge has worked splendidly.
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks for your input.
Patrick Jane: Just saying.

Patrick Jane: A little hypocritical, if you're gonna lecture him on revenge, don't you think?
Teresa Lisbon: How's that?
Patrick Jane: Uh, all these years, you've been helping me seek revenge.
Teresa Lisbon: That's different.
Patrick Jane: ...How's that?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm in control of the situation.
Patrick Jane: Oh really?

Patrick Jane: I just assumed you took that judge and jury stuff with a grain of salt.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, you assumed wrong. No salt.
Patrick Jane: You know the reality will be different. Red John is mine. And I will exact my revenge on him.
Teresa Lisbon: I think when the time comes, you'll see that violence is not the answer.

Patrick Jane: Todd, you repeat what I tell you now, and I will deny every word of it. If you truly want revenge, you have to be hard. You have to be dishonest and devious and cold. You can't let people see what's in your heart.

Patrick Jane: Ellis Mars is in room 21.
[Jane hands Todd a weapon and keys to the room]
Patrick Jane: Consider it a gift from a brother-in-arms. I hope someday someone will do the same for me.
Todd Johnson: Heh. You're messing with me.
Patrick Jane: No. I'll show you.

Todd Johnson: Ah. You say that only because you don't see the whole picture. There's a reason for everything I've done.
Patrick Jane: What's the big picture?
Todd Johnson: You'll never know.
Patrick Jane: Right. There's no big picture.
Todd Johnson: Oh, trust me. It would blow... your... mind.
[Pulls the trigger and realizes the gun isn't loaded]
Patrick Jane: No firing pin. Oops.
Todd Johnson: [Drops the gun, and pulls out a knife] Of course.


"The Mentalist: Red Bulls (#2.7)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: [to Bosco and his team] What are you doing here?
Patrick Jane: You're waving guns around is what you're doing. Can you just put your guns away.
[In disgust]
Patrick Jane: Cowboys.

Sam Bosco: And I like to leave Hicks here to work with your team. That's alright with you?
Teresa Lisbon: Ok.
Sam Bosco: [loudly to Hicks] Keep 'em honest.
Teresa Lisbon: Hey!
Patrick Jane: [to Lisbon] Easy.
Teresa Lisbon: Care to reframe that, Sam?
Sam Bosco: No. They're Jane's people. They need watching.

Patrick Jane: [to Verona Westlake] What you can accomplish is irrelevant. But if you are absent in this moment, you will regret it for the rest of what will be miserable life. That's all. See you.

Mrs. Kent: [about the baby girl] She likes you.
Patrick Jane: She has good taste.

[last lines]
Sam Bosco: I've been thinking.
Patrick Jane: Ooh.
Sam Bosco: You're not a cop.
Patrick Jane: Mm-mm.
Sam Bosco: You never will be.
Patrick Jane: Mm-mm.
Sam Bosco: But you have a... useful perspective.
[taking a folder out of his handbag]
Sam Bosco: This is a summary of the Red John case since I took over. Take a look. Tell me what you think.
Patrick Jane: [Bosco starts to leave] Bosco...
Sam Bosco: Don't thank me.
Patrick Jane: I wasn't going to. I need the actual case file. Unabridged.
Sam Bosco: You're a jerk. You know that?
Patrick Jane: [Bosco leaves] Night, Bosco.


"The Mentalist: Red Lacquer Nail Polish (#5.15)" (2013)
Teresa Lisbon: How does one person live in a house this big?
Patrick Jane: Uh, let me see. By being very rich.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not what I mean.
Patrick Jane: Ah, you mean morally. Well, we've been called in, so it's likely that whoever lived here paid a hefty price in the end.

Teresa Lisbon: [arriving at the crime scene] There is something off here. This place gives me the creeps.
Patrick Jane: Normally I'd be tempted to mock your superstition, but in this case I'm inclined to agree. Ladies first.

Patrick Jane: [checking out the victim's sailboat] Seems like a civilized way to travel, don't you think?
Teresa Lisbon: Are you kidding? Stuck on that thing in the middle of the ocean? It's like being in a prison cell with a chance of drowning.

Patrick Jane: Uh, Lisbon, I'm sorry, but I think we might have to go back to the crime scene.
Teresa Lisbon: Really? That place was so creepy.
Patrick Jane: Yes, but I'm worried we might have missed something because of that.
Teresa Lisbon: Okay, fine, but no jumping out and yelling "boo" at me or anything like that.
Patrick Jane: I mean, seriously, what do you take me for?
Teresa Lisbon: I am not gonna answer that, 'cause I'm a nice person.

Patrick Jane: You know what gave me second thoughts about Elise Vogelsong? She read too many murder mystery novels.
Teresa Lisbon: There you go. That's not police work. That's guessing.
Patrick Jane: You should try it sometime. Now I'm gonna pursue Red John. Ciao.


"The Mentalist: Nothing Gold Can Stay (#7.10)" (2015)
Patrick Jane: There's this little cabin in the hill country. Rustic, charming, very romantic.
Teresa Lisbon: Rustic as in no running water, or...?
Patrick Jane: Well, would that be a problem?
Teresa Lisbon: When you said "let's go away for the weekend", I was kinda hoping for the kind of place that leaves the mint on the pillow.

Patrick Jane: Good morning. Could I have everyone's attention, please?
[everyone turns to look at him]
Patrick Jane: Thank you. Uh, quick question. Which one of you was the accomplice to the robbery this morning?
Gil Clark: Sorry, who are you?
Patrick Jane: Patrick Jane, FBI. You?
Gil Clark: Gil Clark. I'm the branch manager. Did you just accuse my people?
Patrick Jane: Gil, I did. Agent Cho will explain.
[approaching the gathered group]
Patrick Jane: Hi. How you doing? Nice to meet you. Sorry to hear about the robbery.
Gil Clark: So, what the hell is going on here?
Kimball Cho: Just be patient, sir.
Patrick Jane: Sorry to hear about the robbery.
Gil Clark: This is outrageous.
Kimball Cho: Nope, not really. Not yet.

Teresa Lisbon: Hey. Where have you been?
Patrick Jane: [setting a box of mints on the table] For your pillow.
Teresa Lisbon: Pillow mints. Thank you.
Patrick Jane: I also got us a reservation this weekend at the Alhambra. Resort-ish style place, room service, high thread count sheets. I think you're gonna like it.
Teresa Lisbon: You didn't have to do that.
Patrick Jane: No, I didn't. But I want to spend some time alone with you and that should be some place that you like.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, are you gonna like it? It doesn't sound very rustic.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I'll find a tree.

Patrick Jane: I can't do this anymore.
Teresa Lisbon: What do you mean?
Patrick Jane: I can't watch you do this work. I mean, it... it... it could have been you in that coffin. And I don't... I can't go through that again.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, you're the one that walked in that house.
Patrick Jane: Yes, so that you wouldn't.
Teresa Lisbon: You could have died. How is that different?
Patrick Jane: Me dying is... it's... it doesn't hurt me.
Teresa Lisbon: You can't keep pulling me from the path of oncoming trains.
Patrick Jane: Yeah? Why not?
Teresa Lisbon: Because there's always new trains coming every day.

[last lines]
Patrick Jane: I'm leaving. You can come with me or you can stay here, but... I have to go.
Teresa Lisbon: [tears welling in her eyes] Where you going?
Patrick Jane: [kissing her cheek] Some place nice.


"The Mentalist: The Crimson Ticket (#5.1)" (2012)
Patrick Jane: Your inarticulate rage is understandable, but it's misplaced. You should probably just calm down.
Gabe Mancini: You calm yourself down. I'm not angry.
Patrick Jane: No? Your temples are pulsing like some weird undersea creature. If that's not anger, you should see a doctor.

Teresa Lisbon: What about your promise to Bertram?
Patrick Jane: I had my fingers crossed.

Wayne Rigsby: Did, uh, Mancini really throw a bottle at you?
Patrick Jane: Yes, he did, and then he proceeded to chase me through the state house, but failed to catch me.
Teresa Lisbon: Congratulations. Another mortal enemy made. You should be very proud.

Teresa Lisbon: What are you? Huh? Crazy?
Patrick Jane: Excuse me?
Teresa Lisbon: I told you to be careful. I told you not to go over the edge.
Patrick Jane: And I told you not to listen.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't be childish! I am not your girlfriend. I am an officer of the law. How could I not listen? You kissed her. You offered to help her escape.
Patrick Jane: And I would ask her to marry me if I thought she'd buy it. I was playing her.
Teresa Lisbon: She's playing you.

Patrick Jane: Look, I'm sorry by the way.
Teresa Lisbon: For what? There's a long list of possibilities.
Patrick Jane: Well, it's just some general apologies. Use it for your top issue.
Teresa Lisbon: Thanks.


"The Mentalist: Ruby Slippers (#4.21)" (2012)
Grace Van Pelt: How did you know Archie was gay?
Patrick Jane: Well, Archie Sr. named his son after himself like a king. He was hoping for an heir, yet there's not one photo of Junior in the house.
Grace Van Pelt: You think he's ashamed of him.
Patrick Jane: Well, look at this room. Traditional masculine decor. Bold nautical themes.
Grace Van Pelt: It's like a furniture catalog threw up in here.
Patrick Jane: Yes. These are not the choices of a teenager. I think Archie Sr. personally decorated this room in the attempt to butch up his gay son.

Teresa Lisbon: [watching the victim's father] So, do you think he killed the victim?
Patrick Jane: He did. Or, at least he feels like he did. Hard to be certain. Guilt comes in many forms.
Teresa Lisbon: That's the best you can do?
Patrick Jane: For now.

Patrick Jane: Are you wearing perfume?
Teresa Lisbon: [scoffs] Right.
Patrick Jane: Well, you've been standing close to someone that is.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, that would be Glennda. She's very fragrant.
Patrick Jane: You just called Glennda "she".
Teresa Lisbon: So?
Patrick Jane: You didn't before. I have to go.
Teresa Lisbon: Where?
Patrick Jane: I just had a thoughtless impulse. Or an inspired hunch. I'm not sure which yet. I'll let you know.

Teresa Lisbon: [watching Risgby question a suspect] What do you think?
Patrick Jane: Well, all cruelty stems from weakness, and this one's a quivering mass. Emotionally immature. Aggressively masculine. He harbors childhood pain tied to bedwetting or some similar humiliation. Yeah, he could be our killer, too.
Teresa Lisbon: You're not making this easy.

Patrick Jane: Nothing wows like vintage Madonna.


"The Mentalist: Red Sails in the Sunset (#5.8)" (2012)
Lorelei Martins: God, you're just like him, you know that? Relentless manipulation.
Patrick Jane: I am nothing like him.
Lorelei Martins: How would you know? I know. I only wonder why the two of you didn't become lifelong friends the moment you shook hands.

Patrick Jane: What do you think of my request?
Bret Stiles: I don't think much of it, really, Patrick. Really, I don't.
Patrick Jane: Meaning you can't accomplish it?
Bret Stiles: Any task can be accomplished, as long as it's broken down into manageable pieces.

Bret Stiles: If you must know, I've grown mildly accustomed to you, Patrick. You make me sit up and pay attention.
Patrick Jane: I'm very glad you're amused by me.

Patrick Jane: You'll never know.
Teresa Lisbon: I'll never know what?
Patrick Jane: Whether I engineered the escape and abduction.
Teresa Lisbon: Trust me, I know.
Patrick Jane: You don't know. You just guess. And you didn't tell your new best friend Kirkland either.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't have any evidence, if I did I would put you in cuff myself.
Patrick Jane: No you wouldn't.
Teresa Lisbon: Try me.
[Jane laughs]
Teresa Lisbon: What's so funny?
Patrick Jane: Nothing. Sorry. All of it's worth it. She told me Red John and I are very much alike. That it's a wonder we weren't best friends from the moment we shook hands.
Teresa Lisbon: You've met Red John?
Patrick Jane: Yes. He's someone I know.

Patrick Jane: Why are you mad at me?I didn't force you to escape from prison.


"The Mentalist: The Greybar Hotel (#7.2)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: You're from Chicago, you have three brothers, you're ticklish
Teresa Lisbon: I am not ticklish
Patrick Jane: Yes you are
Teresa Lisbon: Everyone's ticklish when you tickle them

Patrick Jane: When you shower, promise me this: that you will wear the flip-flops, please. A, it makes you look less attractive, which should be considered, and B, the floor is a petri dish.

Teresa Lisbon: She likes picking fights a little bit too much. A loner.
Patrick Jane: Oh, she needs a friend. We all do.
Teresa Lisbon: You have not met this girl.
Patrick Jane: Well, a tough cookie. Likes to hide her emotions under a hard veneer.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, I think I've met a woman like that before.
Teresa Lisbon: [amused] Is that so?
Patrick Jane: Uh, you want to know how I got her to lower her guard?
Teresa Lisbon: How?
Patrick Jane: Uh... I lowered my own.

Marie Flanigan: I know you from somewhere, he's her boyfriend, he's a con artist, it's some kind of trick
Cole Foster: [After the mirror is shot] You came down to face us by yourself with nothing but a rear view mirror as backup
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry, it's all I could think of
Teresa Lisbon: It's okay

Dennis Abbott: The warden has set it up so that you'll be sharing a cell with Marie. Sooner you get her to tell you were Cole is, the better.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm ready.
Dennis Abbott: [Jane puts handcuffs on her wrists] Be careful, huh?
Patrick Jane: I'll wait for you.
Teresa Lisbon: Hush!


"The Mentalist: The Red Box (#2.17)" (2010)
Victor Bandino: The body was still warm. So I guess the time of death was a good hour before anyone found him.
[the victime groans and sits up]
Victor Bandino: WHAT THE HELL?
Patrick Jane: Guess again.

Patrick Jane: You should stop worrying. It's gonna be fine with the new boss. Sure there's going to be a settling in period when she probes your psyche for weakness. But once that's out of the way...
Teresa Lisbon: Would you stop? You're being childish. I think you're the one who's nervous.
Patrick Jane: Ooo. That sounds perceptive. Let me think about that... No. I find that I'm not. It's definitely you.

Teresa Lisbon: A stranger asks to see your ID, you ask them to show you theirs first.
Patrick Jane: Unless, of course, you're trying to hide something.
Slocombe: Quite right. Quite right, Mr. Jane.

Slocombe: I'm going to walk out of here, and you're going to let me.
Patrick Jane: Obviously, you're holding a gun. And I have no real reason to stop you.
Slocombe: Thanks for being sensible.
Patrick Jane: That's my middle name.

Special Agent Madeleine Hightower: You - you're golden. You're safe for anything short of murder. Lisbon, no. You mess up, she's out of here. Any questions?
Patrick Jane: Not that I can think of now.


"The Mentalist: Red John's Friends (#1.11)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: Just do me the favor of listening to me for a minute so I can say "I told you so" later.
Patrick Jane: Sure.

Teresa Lisbon: Minelli wants me to keep a watch on you.
Patrick Jane: What are you going to do?
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not going to follow you around. Let's compromise, when you get in trouble, call me first so I can try and minimize the damage.
Patrick Jane: Deal.
Teresa Lisbon: And-and don't use your CBI card. The Bureau find out you used it without authorization, you're done.
Patrick Jane: I hear you.

Virgil Minelli: Okay here it is. If you pursue this any further,I'm going to have to throw you out of the CBI. We can't take that liability. I very much do not want to have to do that!
Patrick Jane: [Clears his throat] I know you don't. So, uh, well, I'll spare you the trouble.
[Puts his card on the desk]
Patrick Jane: I quit.
Teresa Lisbon: Don't do that.
Patrick Jane: [Looking at Lisbon] No. It's okay. It's best this way. You are the Good Witch, Glinda, obviously. Thank you. I learned a lot.

Patrick Jane: Well you can say it now.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, I don't really feel like saying it. Let me take a rain check on that.
Patrick Jane: Sure.

Teresa Lisbon: If we don't get this closed up before Minelli gets back, we're done.
Patrick Jane: Plan B, then.
Teresa Lisbon: What's plan B?
Patrick Jane: Ooh, you're not gonna like it.


"The Mentalist: The Silver Briefcase (#7.5)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: Every good plan needs a little bit of luck.

Patrick Jane: What was she like?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. She seemed nice.
Patrick Jane: Well, just looking for impressions.
Teresa Lisbon: She was very clean, well-put together.
Patrick Jane: Mm-hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: Manicured hands. But she chewed the skin around her nails.
Patrick Jane: What did she order?
Teresa Lisbon: Coffee, black. Paid cash. She waited until the woman behind the counter could see her put her tip in the tip jar.
Patrick Jane: Interesting. I wonder if I do that.
Teresa Lisbon: Four sugars. That's a lot.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, that is a lot. So you talked to her, you said "I like your bag."
Teresa Lisbon: How'd you know that?
Patrick Jane: Because that's what you think other women talk about.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, it worked. We talked.
Patrick Jane: Tell me about her.
Teresa Lisbon: I don't know. She's reserved. It's the kind of quiet where maybe she could be a raging bitch or she's just shy.
Patrick Jane: What's your verdict?
Teresa Lisbon: You want me to say if she's a killer based on spending one minute with her.
Patrick Jane: Sure.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, how do I do that?
Patrick Jane: Well, your brain's already processed all the information. You just have to listen to it.

Teresa Lisbon: Admit it.
Patrick Jane: Admit what?
Teresa Lisbon: You enjoyed yourself. You love this job as much as I do.
Patrick Jane: Well, I love eggs, but that doesn't mean I want to eat nothing but omelets for the rest of my life.
Teresa Lisbon: Fair enough. But what's the alternative?
Patrick Jane: Pork chops. Coleslaw, French fries.
Teresa Lisbon: [amused] What's the alternative for us? You talk about quitting, but what are we gonna do? What's the plan?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't have one as yet.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, that's a problem, isn't it?

Patrick Jane: If we wait for a plan, we might never leave. Maybe we just need to quit and stand still for a while. Let life happen. Let a plan take seed.
Teresa Lisbon: Wait for plan seeds to grow? We'd drive each other crazy.
Patrick Jane: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe we'd be very happy. Won't know until we try.
Teresa Lisbon: Aren't you happy now?
Patrick Jane: Well, I am happy for the first time in... you know how long. But I'm scared.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, one of us could get run over by a bus tomorrow.
Patrick Jane: Not if we're on a beach in Polynesia. Buses can't go on sand.
Teresa Lisbon: You could get eaten by a shark.
Patrick Jane: Not if I don't go in the water.
Teresa Lisbon: That sounds pretty boring and wussy, don't you think?

Patrick Jane: We could learn to sail, buy a boat, sail around the world.
Teresa Lisbon: [sarcastic laugh] Right.
Patrick Jane: What? I've always wanted to do that. A lot of people do it. I mean, we could do it.
Teresa Lisbon: There's whales and storms and pirates. Scurvy. I mean, besides, I get seasick.
Patrick Jane: You do?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah!
Patrick Jane: How badly?
Teresa Lisbon: Pretty bad.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Well, maybe you get over that.
Teresa Lisbon: We are not sailing around the world.
Patrick Jane: All right. Beekeeping? Who doesn't like honey?
Teresa Lisbon: [sarcastic] Oh, you just come up with the best ideas. Beekeeping?
Patrick Jane: Well, I think you'd look very cute in one of those little beekeeping suits.
Teresa Lisbon: How is that romantic?


"The Mentalist: The Thin Red Line (#1.8)" (2008)
Patrick Jane: It's nice to be nice. But if you want to get ahead in life, sometimes you have to be a bitch. I know you know how.
Grace Van Pelt: Gee, thanks.
Patrick Jane: It's all about the balance, Grace. Yin, Yang. Nice, bitch. Little bit of bitch inside the nice, a little bit of nice inside the bitch.
Grace Van Pelt: Yeah, I'll work on that.
Patrick Jane: Keep 'em guessin'.

Teresa Lisbon: When are you going to learn to cool it without being told?
Patrick Jane: Oh come on. They pissed you off too. The sexist pigs.
Teresa Lisbon: They were
Patrick Jane: I just said that.
Teresa Lisbon: You were saying it ironically.

Teresa Lisbon: Look I don't want to make this official, talk to a judge or anything. Once we do that, the cat's out of the bag for good. If you're clean on this, here's the way to prove it.
[Prciado hands his weapon to Lisbon. Jane grabs Preciado's wrist]
Teresa Lisbon: Is this the only .38 in your possession.
Steve Preciado: Yes it is.
[Angrily to Jane]
Steve Preciado: And if you try to hold my hand again, I'm going to tear your arm off and beat you unconscious with it! Get me?
Patrick Jane: Gotcha.

Teresa Lisbon: I'm a cop. I lie to you all the time. You never catch it.
Patrick Jane: I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but you're translucent, my dear. I always know when you're lying. Sometimes I let you think you fool me just so you don't feel bad.

Teresa Lisbon: [after Jane gets hit] Are you okay?
Patrick Jane: Assault. Assault.
Teresa Lisbon: I would rethink this new technique of yours.
Patrick Jane: I can't disagree.


"The Mentalist: If It Bleeds, It Leads (#5.7)" (2012)
Tara Skye: I don't want to speak ill of the dead.
Patrick Jane: They don't really care.They're dead.

Robert Kirkland: [bumps into Jane] Sorry Mister Jane.
Patrick Jane: Do I know you?
Robert Kirkland: No. But I know you.

Patrick Jane: Show Volker this sketch and watch his face.
Teresa Lisbon: I know what to do.
Patrick Jane: I know you do.You go girl!

Teresa Lisbon: Volker is not going to get away with this. I'm gonna get him. If not for the murder, then for whatever Amanda Shaw can give me. Tax evasion, fraud, unpaid parking tickets. I'm gonna bring in Amanda and lean on her.
Patrick Jane: Look at you! So tough! I'm getting goosebumps. Rawr.

Patrick Jane: Lisbon. So it's murder, is it?
Teresa Lisbon: It is. Let's go to the news station the victim worked at.
Patrick Jane: Ehhm, I'm kinda busy. Maybe later.
Teresa Lisbon: That's not how it works. We have to do our jobs.
Patrick Jane: Well I think you can do it, you're very capable.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm not kidding. Come on, let's go.
Patrick Jane: Okay, I'll go to the news station with you, get you started and then you're on your own, alright?
Teresa Lisbon: I am not in the sixth grade, that doesn't work on me!
Patrick Jane: I can't promise I'll always be around to help you Teresa. There will come a time when you might have to do this on your own. And I want you to be prepared.
Teresa Lisbon: I am prepared to punch you in the face, all on my own.


"The Mentalist: Blue Bird (#6.22)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: You're right. I have forgotten how to act like a normal human being. And I play games and I lie and I trick people to avoid the truth of how I feel. And the idea of letting anyone close to me is terrifying for obvious reasons, but the truth, Teresa, is that I can't imagine waking up, knowing that I won't see you. The truth is... I love you. Whew! You can't imagine how good it feels to say that out loud, but it scares me... and it is the truth. It is the truth of what I feel.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, it's too late.
Patrick Jane: Maybe, and I understand, that's OK. I needed to get to this, and you deserve to hear it.
U.S Air Marshall: Put your hands in the air right now, do it!
Patrick Jane: I love you, Teresa. And it makes me happy to be able to say that to you.
[to the plane passengers, as he is leaving]
Patrick Jane: I love her. That woman in 12B... I love her. You take care of her!

Teresa Lisbon: This is another fine pickle you've gotten yourself in, huh?
Patrick Jane: Eh, I've seen worse, pickle-wise.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes, you have... How's the ankle?
Patrick Jane: Oh, it's fine... You didn't go to D.C.
Teresa Lisbon: No. Did you mean what you said?
Patrick Jane: Yes, I did.
Teresa Lisbon: Good.
Patrick Jane: Just to be clear, we're talking about pickles, right?
Teresa Lisbon: No. No. The other thing.
Patrick Jane: Oh, that.
Teresa Lisbon: This is no joking matter.
Patrick Jane: Yes, I meant what I said, every word of it.
Teresa Lisbon: Good. Because I feel the same way.
Patrick Jane: [smiles] Well, that's lucky. What about Pike?
Teresa Lisbon: He'll understand. Say it again.
Patrick Jane: Say what again?
Teresa Lisbon: [arches brow meaningfully]
Patrick Jane: [he leans across the table and kisses Teresa]
TSA Agent: [knocks on window] Hey, quit that!

Patrick Jane: You came to seek revenge, too, huh? I shouldn't have made the clue so easy.

Patrick Jane: Listen, ladies, all you've done so far is wave a gun around. That's no big deal, huh? No one's calling you killers.
Wes Baxter: I am.
Patrick Jane: Shhh.

Patrick Jane: I need your car keys. I got to get to the airport. It's an emergency.
Dennis Abbott: Where's Lisbon?
Patrick Jane: She's at the airport.
Dennis Abbott: Oh, I see.
[Gives his keys to Jane]
Patrick Jane: Thank you.
[Starts to leave]
Dennis Abbott: Hey, hey, hey. You want to give us some guidance?
Patrick Jane: Uh, those two...
[Points to Monica and Tanya]
Patrick Jane: ...Are the bad guys.
[Points to Baxter and Randolph]
Patrick Jane: They're the good guys. And blonde's an embezzler, I suspect.


"The Mentalist: Green Light (#7.6)" (2015)
Teresa Lisbon: Abbott said it was the death of a DEA agent. And by the way, keep tomorrow night open.
Patrick Jane: Well, why would it be closed?
Teresa Lisbon: Your birthday?
Patrick Jane: Oh, that. Yes.
Teresa Lisbon: I already told everybody at work no songs, no cake, no gifts.
Patrick Jane: Good. Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: Except me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you have a gift for me?
Teresa Lisbon: It's a surprise.
Patrick Jane: A surprise?
Teresa Lisbon: That's right.
Patrick Jane: You think you can keep a secret from me for that long?
Teresa Lisbon: I don't think I can. I know I can.
Patrick Jane: I admire your confidence.

Dennis Abbott: Bill Peterson doesn't have much of a bedside manner, but he's not a traitor.
Kimball Cho: I thought we couldn't rule anyone out.
Patrick Jane: Abbott's right. Peterson's not a suspect.
Dennis Abbott: Good. So, we'll, uh, just dig down into his team. Personal reviews, bank records. Anything that points to a motive. Ego, revenge.
[seeing Jane's expression]
Dennis Abbott: What? You disagree?
Patrick Jane: Well, they're all poorly paid government employees. You're not gonna have to dig too deep to find motive.
Dennis Abbott: You have a better idea?
Patrick Jane: Maybe. But first I need someone to run an errand for me.

Teresa Lisbon: Any guesses about your present, or have you given up?
Patrick Jane: Does it weigh more or less than three and a half pounds?
Teresa Lisbon: Why three and a half pounds?
Patrick Jane: Because.
Teresa Lisbon: Less.
Patrick Jane: Is it made of kryptonite?
Teresa Lisbon: No.
Patrick Jane: Uh, is it something that I would wear on a cold winter's day?
Teresa Lisbon: No.
[getting an idea, Jane grabs a pencil and paper and scribbles something down]
Patrick Jane: [folding the paper up and tucking it into her jacket pocket] That is my guess. Promise me you will not open it until tomorrow night.
Teresa Lisbon: You're still bluffing, aren't you?

Patrick Jane: I'm guessing by your look that you just talked to Peterson. I'm listening.
Dennis Abbott: I worked for him about ten years ago, when he was running the task force from the border. Rio Bravo station. We were working with the Mexican police, trying to do something about the cartels.
Patrick Jane: Tough work.
Dennis Abbott: It was war. The Zeta cartel would send their men out dressed like soldiers. They would wait for abus to come through, stop it, force all the passengers off, then shoot them. All of them. Just so they didn't work for another cartel. There are bodies everywhere; men, women, children. Scattered all over the road like trash.
Patrick Jane: Yeah, it's... it's no picture that anyone should have in their head.
Dennis Abbott: And one day, I was sitting on a, uh, a Zeta safe house, just watching who came and went. Gathering intel. And I saw this Zeta commander walk out.
Patrick Jane: Dressed in a military uniform.
Dennis Abbott: And I knew what he was gonna do. I couldn't call the local police because they were terrified of the Zetas. I couldn't arrest him. So I sat there, thinking for, I don't know, maybe three seconds. I got out of my car, I walked across the street, and I shot him.
Patrick Jane: Well, you... you did the right thing.
Dennis Abbott: I don't know. But no buses were stopped that night. And the next day, I quit the Rio Bravo station.
Patrick Jane: Did Peterson know what you'd done?
Dennis Abbott: He guessed. The death of a commander hit the news. Tons of speculation on who killed him, and Peterson knew where I was when it happened.
Patrick Jane: Hmm. And now he's threatening you to do what he says.
Dennis Abbott: Peterson can end my career. I can go to prison. But it's not just about me. Any mention of this can end things for Lena before it even starts.
Patrick Jane: Well, you can't let him do it.
Dennis Abbott: I appreciate the thought. How do we stop him?
Patrick Jane: I'm not sure. Yet. But when I know, I'll tell you the answer.

Teresa Lisbon: Here is your gift.
[accepting the gift, Jane takes his time savoring the gesture]
Teresa Lisbon: [laughing] Open it!
[opening the box, he finds a glued-together teacup]
Patrick Jane: [touched] Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: The one and only. From the CBI.
Patrick Jane: You kept the pieces.
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah. Looks pretty nice, doesn't it?
Patrick Jane: It's perfect. I'm speechless. This... I...
Teresa Lisbon: You really didn't know what it was?
Patrick Jane: You can see for yourself.
[taking his note from her pocket, she sees he wrote "I have no idea"]
Teresa Lisbon: You really didn't know.
Patrick Jane: I'm genuinely surprised. This is... this is such a beautiful gift. Thank you so much.
Teresa Lisbon: [they kiss] "I'm amazed."
Patrick Jane: Bravo.
Teresa Lisbon: Are you sure you're not just pretending you didn't know what it was to make me feel better? Because you don't have to make me feel better.
Patrick Jane: Oh, come on. Please, Lisbon, just take the compliment.


"The Mentalist: Silver Wings of Time (#6.17)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: Even a broken clock gets to be right twice a day.

Teresa Lisbon: You think this is terrorists?
Dennis Abbott: Well, we can't rule it out.
Patrick Jane: Well, I think we can. Someone just wanted the dead guy dead.
Dennis Abbott: And why do you think that?
Patrick Jane: Because he's dead. I mean, look at this place. Bomber could of killed a dozen people if he wanted to. But, nope, this guy just bumped off one. Pretty ineffective terrorism, if you ask me.

Dennis Abbott: The D. A. had circumstantial evidence and a piece of Luis' clothing with the dead woman's blood on it. The blood clinched it.
Patrick Jane: Yes, well, blood's very easy to plant. Childishly easy, really.

Dennis Abbott: We believe that David Ronaldo was murdered because he had evidence that would clear Luis Cruz. We need to find out what that was. And because they're going to execute Cruz in about...
[Checks watch]
Dennis Abbott: ...50 hours, we should hurry up.
Kim Fischer: Boss, is there any evidence that the cops or the prosecutors made a mistake?
Dennis Abbott: Not that I can point to.
Kim Fischer: And this case was fully appealed, right?
Dennis Abbott: Yes.
Kim Fischer: Then can I ask why we're taking this on? I don't want to sound cold, but it seems to me that the system did what it was supposed to do.
Patrick Jane: No, it didn't. Because Luis Cruz is innocent.
Kim Fischer: You're absolutely certain of that?
Patrick Jane: Well, I'm not absolutely certain of anything. But I'm confident enough to know that I'd like to try and help.
Kimball Cho: That's good enough for me.
Teresa Lisbon: Me too.
Kim Fischer: Okay. Let's do it.
Dennis Abbott: Fischer, Cho, work Ronaldo. Go to his apartment, see if you can find anything. I'll call the governor's office and let him know what we're up to. Jane, Lisbon, talk to the Feinbergs. Wylie... just keep letting us know what time it is.


"The Mentalist: Forest Green (#6.18)" (2014)
Kim Fischer: We just got a call from the Forest Service. They caught a body in Sam Houston National Forest. Abbott wants you guys to go check it out.
Teresa Lisbon: How far away is that?
Kim Fischer: Mm, 100, 120 miles. Is there a problem?
Teresa Lisbon: No, no.
Patrick Jane: She has plans for tonight. She's worried about getting back in time.
Kim Fischer: Really?
Teresa Lisbon: Actually, it is not a problem.
Patrick Jane: Nonsense. Doesn't the FBI have helicopters? Can't we just take one of those?
Kim Fischer: I guess, I-if it's available.
Teresa Lisbon: That will not be necessary.
Patrick Jane: Nonsense. We'll be up and back in a jiffy. Just tell your agent Pike he owes me a favor.

Security Guard: Welcome to the Foragers' Club. How may I help you?
Teresa Lisbon: We're with the FBI. Let us in, please.
Security Guard: What's this about?
Patrick Jane: One of your members murdered somebody. We'd like to talk to someone about that.

Kenyon Russell: We had a problem. In years past, people would go to a house about when they... wanted that kind of thing. But there was drunkenness, accidents, arrests. Not a healthy situation in the age of the camera phone.So Kilgallen came up with the idea of moving the enterprise onto our grounds as a way of avoiding the difficulties. And it worked. We've had no problems since then.
Patrick Jane: Except a murder.

Patrick Jane: Russell said most of the women on staff work in the dining hall. You ever see them anyplace else.
Marvin Gryska: No - just a bunch of fat guys with pleated shorts as far as the eye can see.
Patrick Jane: That's a vivid image. Okay, well, uh, good luck with the FBI. You know, they had me dead to rights, and I beat 'em. I think you can, too.
Marvin Gryska: What charge?
Patrick Jane: Murder.


"The Mentalist: Like a Redheaded Stepchild (#3.21)" (2011)
C.O. Earls: We're guards not Supermen. Having a shark like Lansdale in the tank keeps all these guys in line.
Patrick Jane: He does your job for you. That's nice. So you disapproved of Walton going after Lansdale?
C.O. Earls: I didn't have any knowledge of that. Walton's agenda. That would be supposition.

Patrick Jane: I get it. I've been down. Snitches get stitches.
Nick Monaco: See now that's a popular misconception. The stitches are for the living.
Patrick Jane: Got it.

Patrick Jane: Memory is unreliable because the untrained brain has a crappy filing system. It takes everything that happens to you and throws it all willy-nilly into a big, dark closet. When you go in there looking for something, all you can find are the big, obvious things like when your mom died, or stuff that you don't really need, stuff that you're not looking for, like the words to "Copacabana." You can't find what you need. But don't panic, because it is still there.

Patrick Jane: My brain is a computer.


"The Mentalist: Red Letter Day (#5.19)" (2013)
[first lines]
Patrick Jane: [in his loft] Hey, Cho.
Kimball Cho: [about to knock on the door] Okay, how'd you do that?
Patrick Jane: Well, you tread a little heavier than Lisbon. And Rigsby's car isn't in the lot.
Kimball Cho: We've got a case and Lisbon's busy, so you and I are riding out.
Patrick Jane: Excellent. I'll meet you downstairs.

Patrick Jane: [smelling something on the victim] Smells of juniper.
Kimball Cho: Cologne?
Patrick Jane: Uh... I don't... no, more like... cheap gin. Drunken out of necessity, not pleasure. So he drank alone, he let the killer in. He knew him, or her. They argued...
Deb Granger: How'd you know they argued?
Patrick Jane: Well, he is dead.
Deb Granger: What did they argue about?
Patrick Jane: Well, I don't know. What do people argue about? Money? Power? Love? Jealousy?
Deb Granger: Revenge. Sorry, I shouldn't do that.
Patrick Jane: No, jump right in. This is a murder. It's exciting.

Patrick Jane: That was it?
Teresa Lisbon: That's all Kirkland said. He was just fishing.
Patrick Jane: Don't you think it's odd, Homeland Security's fascination with a California serial killer?
Teresa Lisbon: Everything about Bob Kirkland is odd.
Patrick Jane: Well, yes.
Teresa Lisbon: Just add that to the list.

Kimball Cho: What do you need?
Patrick Jane: Backup.
Kimball Cho: I don't like it when you say you need backup and nothing's happened yet.


"The Mentalist: Violets (#6.16)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: I keep finding strangers in my bedroom. It must have been a good party.

Agent Marcus Pike: I've heard good things about you. We'd be happy to have your input. These guys, they're... they're really good. And our cases don't usually lead to homicide.
Sylvia Hennigan: But you are going to catch them, aren't you?
Patrick Jane: I hate to sound immodest, ma'am but I rarely fail.

Kimball Cho: They've done six jobs. They must have left us something to work with.
Agent Marcus Pike: Well, they've only slipped up once. We found a glove a few blocks from a gallery they robbed in Phoenix. We managed to get a partial print and we got a hit. Aaron Pulaski. Time for armed robbery and battery. He's also the former middleweight boxing champ at Folsom Prison.
Kimball Cho: And you can't charge a man for owning a glove.
Agent Marcus Pike: Yeah. We brought him in for questioning, but he lawyered up quick and culled the siv. These guys are pros.
Teresa Lisbon: If he's a known felon, we should have his known associates, hangouts, stuff like that.
Agent Marcus Pike: We do, but nothing's popped. Doesn't seem to have a lot of friends, he hangs out a lot at a bar on Sixth Street.
Teresa Lisbon: We could set a tail on him.
Patrick Jane: Ehh, they could be waiting for weeks. Uh, my plan is a little more elaborate, but it's much more entertaining.
Kimball Cho: Of course it is.

Patrick Jane: The key to a good con is always making the mark feel that he is in control. I mean, you can lead a man anywhere as long as he thinks that he is driving.


"The Mentalist: 18-5-4 (#2.21)" (2010)
Teresa Lisbon: Well, I don't care about the device.
Patrick Jane: You don't care about a code breaking device that could hack into our government's National Security System? There's no bigger patriotic lesson. Pina Colada?

Tolman: We're going to need an encrypted file.
Patrick Jane: Oh how about Agent Lisbon's personell file?
Teresa Lisbon: No.
Patrick Jane: I just happen to have it on disc right here.
[Quietly to Lisbon]
Patrick Jane: It has some great photos.
Teresa Lisbon: Fine.

Patrick Jane: I just hope you don't mind. I did have a little fiddle with it. I just wanted to see how it works.
[Hands the device to Tolman]
Patrick Jane: Easily fixed I imagine.
[Noticing more pieces]
Patrick Jane: What's that? That may be part of it.
Tolman: You're going to be hearing from my attorney!
[Starts to leave]
Patrick Jane: Tolman, one last thing. Bishop to C4. Forced to mate in 3 moves. I win. Come and take a closer look. You'll see it.

Patrick Jane: [seeing a chess board] Was this the game that you were playing with Noah?
Tolman: As a matter of fact, it was.
Patrick Jane: Hmm. Yeah, I think he might have had you.
Tolman: You play?
Patrick Jane: Oh, a little.
Tolman: We should have a game some time.
Patrick Jane: That works. I'll open with pawn to C4.
Tolman: Pawn to E6.
Patrick Jane: Knight to F3.
Tolman: Pawn to D5.
Patrick Jane: Declining the gambit. Interesting. Pawn to D4.
Tolman: Oh, really?
Patrick Jane: Scout's honor.
Tolman: Hmm.
Teresa Lisbon: Could we get back to the interview, please?
Tolman: Of course. My apologies.
[to Jane]
Tolman: You're gonna regret that open.
Patrick Jane: We'll see.


"The Mentalist: Red Hot (#3.7)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: Flirting with Lisbon, that's what saved him.
Teresa Lisbon: He wasn't flirting with me!
Walter Mashburn: I wasn't flirting.

Patrick Jane: Hello Lisbon. What a great day to not be blown up.
Teresa Lisbon: Give it up now.
Patrick Jane: What?
Teresa Lisbon: What you took from Bajoran's house.
[Jane looks blankly at Lisbon]
Teresa Lisbon: The toupee, Jane, the housekeeper called.
Patrick Jane: Oh.
[Jane throws Lisbon the toupee]
Teresa Lisbon: That's just gross! Why would you take it?
Patrick Jane: Evidence.
Teresa Lisbon: Of what?
Patrick Jane: Bad taste.

Teresa Lisbon: What about you, Walter? Last year you said you'd do anything for a thrill.
Walter Mashburn: What do you have in mind?
[Shots are fired at them]
Teresa Lisbon: GET DOWN!
Patrick Jane: [after the gunfight] Thrilling enough for you, Walter?

Patrick Jane: Ladies and gentlemen, quick announcement: I'd like you to give a very warm welcome to Walter's new girlfriend, number one - Teresa Lisbon.


"The Mentalist: Scarlett Fever (#1.15)" (2009)
Teresa Lisbon: How many times have I told you - no hypnotism? It's illegal, and it's unethical. And you cannot keep doing it!
Patrick Jane: Calm yourself, woman. It's no big thing.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh, really? This man's lawyer is right this minute coming down the hallway wearing a mean face. Something tells me he'll argue that point with you. Let's go!

Patrick Jane: Now that it's done, does it feel better?
Heather Prentiss: [Shaking head] It doesn't change a thing.

Patrick Jane: You're really good at make believe
Oscar Marquesa: Yes I am.
Patrick Jane: A master like you, w hen you want to see your mother, you can make believe she's here. Talk to her, whatever you like. I do it all the time.
Oscar Marquesa: You talk to my mom?
Patrick Jane: No. To my wife.

Patrick Jane: Another minute and I'd have missed them. I do hate it when people say thank you.
Wayne Rigsby: Why?
Teresa Lisbon: He likes to play the Lone Ranger.
[Fifties girly voice]
Teresa Lisbon: Who was that masked man? I never got the chance to thank him.
Patrick Jane: Exactly.


"The Mentalist: His Thoughts Were Red Thoughts (#4.16)" (2012)
[last lines]
Bret Stiles: Ah, Patrick. Always a pleasure doing business with you. There are many fearful men hiding from my wrath tonight. It's a good feeling.
Patrick Jane: And the murder of Farragut goes back in the cold case file, so that's a nice twofer.
Bret Stiles: Well, you didn't do too badly yourself. You played a deep game here, Patrick. A mind like yours could've developed a dozen ways of tricking Nora HIll without helping me in my little power play.
Patrick Jane: Well, I'm flattered. It was the easiest way.
Bret Stiles: No. No... you wanted me to owe you a favor, didn't you? Hmm. Well, all right. I owe you.
Patrick Jane: [smirking] Yes, you do. Night.
Bret Stiles: Good night.

Bret Stiles: A phony photograph, Patrick?
Patrick Jane: Worth a thousand lies.
Bret Stiles: So you've stooped to framing me now?
Patrick Jane: Well, you framed yourself first.
Bret Stiles: Well, that's true, I did. But you never believed it anyway.
Patrick Jane: Well, I didn't think you were that stupid, unless of course you were doing it on purpose.

Teresa Lisbon: What are you reading? "Visualize Self"? You thinking about converting?
Patrick Jane: Nah, just brushing up.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, Stiles may have to write his next book from jail. His alibi didn't hold up. He left the restaurant at 10:30.
Patrick Jane: Well, that's not like him.
Teresa Lisbon: To lie?
Patrick Jane: No, to do it so poorly.

Teresa Lisbon: We're dealing with the head of a multinational cult. A nine hundred pound gorilla. We need to proceed carefully and slowly. Put together a timeline of the day of the murder. I want to know where he was every minute
Wayne Rigsby: You got it.
Patrick Jane: [Rigsby leaves] We should pay Bret a visit.
Teresa Lisbon: Not until we have an airtight case.
Patrick Jane: Well, where's the fun in that? Let's get a stick and go and poke this nine hundred pound gorilla, see what happens.


"The Mentalist: Black Cherry (#5.9)" (2012)
Teresa Lisbon: I hate to be a buzzkill, Jane, but even if you could remember everybody you've ever met, what if Lorelei Martins is lying? What if you've never actually met Red John?
Patrick Jane: I haven't just met him, I've shaken hands with him. And she wasn't lying, she didn't realise what she told me.
Teresa Lisbon: Am I in that book?
Patrick Jane: She said it's a wonder Red John and I didn't become friends. Now what we have, I consider a friendship. So, my friend, you are free and clear.
Teresa Lisbon: That's a relief.

Quinton Bosh: Well, as I said, living room's exactly the same.
Patrick Jane: Well, not exactly. I like it.
Quinton Bosh: Good, good. Let's take a look at the extra bedroom.
Patrick Jane: No, no need. I'm really feeling it here. I think I need to be alone with the house for a moment. You know just to check out its aura.
Quinton Bosh: Aura?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Well I'm not gonna buy a house unless we have compatible auras.

Patrick Jane: Something happened at the company retreat, something bad.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: We will ask whoever comes through that front door.

Teresa Lisbon: [Jane wakes Lisbon up] What?
Patrick Jane: It's okay. You were talking in your sleep.
Teresa Lisbon: I was?
Patrick Jane: And drooling a little.


"The Mentalist: Byzantium (#7.11)" (2015)
Amber: That's a very clever trick.
Patrick Jane: It's not rocket surgery.

Teresa Lisbon: How's the tea?
Patrick Jane: Hot. Good. Thank you.
Teresa Lisbon: I would have mailed you your cup, but I didn't know where you were.
Patrick Jane: Well, you knew I'd be back.
Teresa Lisbon: No, I didn't. I can't read minds. The first time I called you, I thought "He missed my call." Second time, I thought "He's busy. Okay. He'll call me back." The third time, I thought "He's dead. He is dead in a ditch on the side of the road."
Patrick Jane: I didn't mean to scare you.
Teresa Lisbon: Well, you did scare me.

Teresa Lisbon: What can I do for you to help you figure things out? Just tell me.
Patrick Jane: Time. I just need some time.
Teresa Lisbon: Okay. Time's good. I can give you time. I just need one thing from you.
Patrick Jane: What's that?
Teresa Lisbon: Don't ignore my phone calls.


"The Mentalist: Brown Shag Carpet (#7.12)" (2015)
Patrick Jane: I don't think this is about who he killed so much as what he killed for. Hey, Tork. Long time, no see.
Dennis Abbott: Do you mean the blood and the fingernails?
Patrick Jane: Well, the fingernails not so much; I think they're just a gruesome trophy. But the blood he had to work for. He must need it for something.

Rick Tork: Well, if he's interested in psychics, Jane should talk to him.
Patrick Jane: Uh... not a psychic, dude.
Rick Tork: No, but you can fake it, right? We could feed you to the media, say that you can communicate with the afterlife using your spiritual whatever. If he's really into that, we can get him to show himself.
[clearly upset, Jane leaves]
Rick Tork: The Son of Sam killer sent letters to two of the writers who wrote about him. Hey, this kind of thing could really work.
[seeing everyone's expressions]
Rick Tork: Did I say something wrong?
Kimball Cho: Yeah. The last time Jane tried something like that, it didn't go well.
Rick Tork: [realizing] Oh, the wife and kid.
Teresa Lisbon: [leaving] Yeah. The wife and kid.

Dennis Abbott: It's a tough situation. This city is in a full-on panic and we have no solid leads.
Patrick Jane: Okay. Well, uh... do we try Tork's idea?
Teresa Lisbon: What? No!
Dennis Abbott: I don't think that we can rule anything out.
Teresa Lisbon: Boss...
Dennis Abbott: The guy is not hiding bodies anymore. You know, maybe he's starting to... to like the attention.
Teresa Lisbon: Do you want him to do to Jane what he did to Gabriel?
Dennis Abbott: Now, you know we won't let that happen.
Teresa Lisbon: You can't promise that!
Patrick Jane: You... you know what? I appreciate your spirited defense, but it... it's not necessary. I'll do it.


"The Mentalist: Blood Feud (#5.4)" (2012)
Nurse: Excuse me, can I help you?
Patrick Jane: There was a man attached to this needle. Have you seen him?

Teresa Lisbon: Agent LaRoche.
J.J. LaRoche: Lisbon. Jane.
Patrick Jane: Hmm, yes. It's the man who watches the watchman. How's tricks?
J.J. LaRoche: You tell me.
Patrick Jane: Oh, you'll get nothing from me, copper. I'm no rat.

Teresa Lisbon: So, what's your report gonna say?
J.J. LaRoche: It will say that agent Risgby acted appropriately and with sound judgment when he used lethal force against Moss. Good work. You got away with it.
Patrick Jane: Me?
J.J. LaRoche: Well I can't make a case, but you chose a remote location for the meeting, you set up a situation in where Moss had to flee. And there, by chance, was Risgby.
Patrick Jane: Well, I'm flattered. You flatter me, but I can't take credit for that.
Teresa Lisbon: Moss didn't have to run, I would have brought him in.
J.J. LaRoche: The plan did require Moss to put his own head in the noose. Small gamble Jane had to make to keep everyone's hands clean.
Teresa Lisbon: Moss fired his gun!
J.J. LaRoche: So you all say. And, of course, Moss can't tell his version. And now Rigsby has taken perfectly legal revenge against the man who killed his father. You think it will effect him?
Patrick Jane: Well I think it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do.


"The Mentalist: Orange Blossom Ice Cream (#7.3)" (2014)
Teresa Lisbon: Did something happen between you and Erica Flynn?
Patrick Jane: Why?
Teresa Lisbon: She made a point of letting me know that it did. So... did it?
Patrick Jane: Uh... well, um...
[looks down at the table]
Patrick Jane: Actually, yes. Something did.
Teresa Lisbon: Oh.
Patrick Jane: When we were working together, we kissed.
Teresa Lisbon: You kissed?
Patrick Jane: Just once, in her hotel room.
Teresa Lisbon: This story just keeps on getting better.
Patrick Jane: It was nothing!
Teresa Lisbon: [Clearly annoyed] Don't say that, ok?
Patrick Jane: Ok, well, you're right. It... it wasn't nothing at the time. But it was a long time ago, and, um... it was never going to amount to anything. It just... it couldn't.
Teresa Lisbon: Why didn't you tell me?
Patrick Jane: I didn't think about it.
Teresa Lisbon: When you knew we were coming here, you could have told me.
Patrick Jane: I thought about it then, but I made a decision not to tell you, because I was worried that, um... that it would come between us.
Teresa Lisbon: I just wish I'd heard it from you first, that's all.
Patrick Jane: I understand. I should have told you. I'm sorry.
Teresa Lisbon: It's ok. Really, it's ok
[Beat]
Teresa Lisbon: Are there any others that I should know about? People we've worked with? It would help me if I knew.
Patrick Jane: No.
Teresa Lisbon: Lorelei? I always thought that maybe something happened with you two.
Patrick Jane: [Nervous] Lorelei?
Teresa Lisbon: Uh-huh.
Patrick Jane: [Thinks desperately, then grins] Ok, how about this. I'll tell you about Lorelei, if you would tell me about one Walter Mashburn.
Teresa Lisbon: [Suddenly becomes very interested in the menu] You said manakish was like a little pizza?

Erica Flynn: I'm a professional in the field of romance and relationships. And it pains me to admit it, but, in my professional opinion, you and Lisbon will not last as a couple.
Patrick Jane: Why is that?
Erica Flynn: Because you're drawn to each other for the wrong reasons. You're attracted to her virtue, her honesty and her goodness - things you think you lack. She's interested in you for your 'danger'; your unpredictability; your transgressions. These superficial qualities are alluring, even erotic, but they don't make for a lasting relationship.
Patrick Jane: And what does?
Erica Flynn: Finding your soulmate - the person who sees the world they way you do, who laughs at the things you laugh at, and... wants the things you want.
Patrick Jane: And that's you?
Erica Flynn: [Draws closer] Here I am.
Patrick Jane: [Stares into her eyes for a moment and sighs] I love Lisbon. And I'm taking you to the real police, and they're gonna lock you up for the rest of your life.
Erica Flynn: [Strokes his hair] Oh, Patrick. I tried
[She tasers him]

[having a romantic rooftop dinner, Lisbon hears an explosion in the distance]
Teresa Lisbon: What's that?
Patrick Jane: Fireworks.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks?
Patrick Jane: It's the end of Ramadan. They're celebrating.
Teresa Lisbon: Fireworks. Beautiful.
Patrick Jane: Yeah. It is beautiful. You thought it was a bomb, didn't you?
Teresa Lisbon: No, I didn't.
Patrick Jane: Yes, you did.
Teresa Lisbon: I did not.
Patrick Jane: You did.


"The Mentalist: White Lines (#6.11)" (2014)
Krystal Markham: Oh, you're trouble.
Patrick Jane: Harmless as a fly.

Patrick Jane: I don't need a desk.
Kim Fischer: Really, you work standing up.
Patrick Jane: No, lying down.

Patrick Jane: You guys took your time getting here, didn't you? Another minute, I would have been bobbing around there in the marina like a dead duck.
Kim Fischer: Maybe you'll learn your lesson.
Patrick Jane: What lesson is that?
Kim Fischer: If you'd actually told about us your plan in advance, we'd have had time to get here.
Teresa Lisbon: I've been trying to tell him that for years.
Patrick Jane: Oh. Cho, you're with me, aren't you?
Kimball Cho: No. I'm with them. You're a terrible communicator. You're just lucky we found the right boat.


"The Mentalist: Fugue in Red (#4.10)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Why is Teresa insisting that I meet these firefighers?
Wayne Rigsby: Well, you might recognize the killer.
Patrick Jane: Well, it's doubtful. They said that I was attacked in the dark and held underwater, so isn't it likely that he took me from behind?
Wayne Rigsby: Yeah, probably. But you're still good at sussing out guilty parties.
Patrick Jane: Huh. How do I do that, exactly?
Wayne Rigsby: Eh, it's hard to say. Causing trouble, mostly.

Patrick Jane: What's the best way in with a luscious redhead?
Wayne Rigsby: Van Pelt?
Patrick Jane: Well, clearly you two had a thing and she dumped you, but maybe you can share a tip on how to open the cookie jar. You know, get some, uh, tasty ginger snaps?
Wayne Rigsby: Huh. You want a tip? Back off.
Patrick Jane: [they get onto the elevator] I thought we were a team.

[last lines]
Patrick Jane: Great house. Whose is it?
Teresa Lisbon: It's yours. Give me your keys.
Patrick Jane: Okay.
[she leads him inside and upstairs; entering the master bedroom, he sees the Red John smiley face on the wall]
Teresa Lisbon: I'm sorry.


"The Mentalist: Blood in, Blood Out (#2.14)" (2010)
Elise Chaye: [to Lisbon] I like putting faces to names. Um, I have to ask you. Patrick Jane...
Patrick Jane: [Lying on the couch] Over here.
Elise Chaye: Oh. Hi.
Patrick Jane: Hi.
Elise Chaye: [Quietly to Lisbon] I thought he'd look scarier.

Kimball Cho: [as Rigsby joins them] Why'd you call him?
Patrick Jane: Oh, um, you're an unreliable partner. I nearly got shot.

Kimball Cho: Mr. Reed, I apologize for accussing of several crimes I knew you had not committed. And for assaulting you, repeatedly.
Adam Reed: That's it?
Patrick Jane: Yes. That's it. I thought that was very good.


"The Mentalist: Red Dawn (#5.5)" (2012)
Teresa Lisbon: What the hell are you doing Hannigan?
Stephen Hannigan: Boss...
Teresa Lisbon: I told you to take him downstairs, not beat him up!
Stephen Hannigan: Sorry, okay? Sorry, I lost it.
Patrick Jane: No, no, it's fine, it's fine. My fault, my fault entirely. I provoked you.
Teresa Lisbon: God Hannigan, get him some ice!
Patrick Jane: I'm okay, I'm okay. Seriously, it's not his fault. I deserved it, okay?
Teresa Lisbon: He is supposed to act like a professional law officer all the times. Let's get you some ice, come on
Patrick Jane: Teresa Lisbon. It's a... it's a nice name.

Patrick Jane: Now like I say, there's no such thing as psychics. Let's be clear about that. But the human mind is amazingly powerful. It can do things for real that sometimes feel like magic.


"The Mentalist: War of the Roses (#4.15)" (2012)
Erica Flynn: These days I don't get to spend much time alone with charming men.
Patrick Jane: There's a reason for that, so you don't kill them.
Erica Flynn: We all have our baggage.

Teresa Lisbon: She's a convicted murderer.
Patrick Jane: A convicted manslaughterer, actually.


"The Mentalist: Not One Red Cent (#5.3)" (2012)
Patrick Jane: You really want me to tell you? It's gonna ruin the surprise.
Teresa Lisbon: Yes. I don't like surprises.
Patrick Jane: Three guesses then.
[Lisbon shakes her head]
Patrick Jane: I'll give you a hint.
[Lisbon walks away]
Patrick Jane: It's-it's not animal or vegetable.

Grace Van Pelt: You got to tell me, how did you come up with Hutten's name? It's driving me crazy.
Patrick Jane: Fair enough. Get a pen and some paper, write down a name. Any name.
[she does so]
Patrick Jane: Wayne Rigsby.
Grace Van Pelt: [stunned] You guessed?
Patrick Jane: No. Although with that name, it wouldn't be hard to. I, uh, read your pen.
Grace Van Pelt: So you cheated.
Patrick Jane: Uh, that's a dirty word. Maybe just a little.
Grace Van Pelt: [writing on her pad of paper] Well, here's what I think of your little trick.
Patrick Jane: I didn't quite get the first word, but the second word was definitely "you".
Grace Van Pelt: [standing to leave] Good night.
Patrick Jane: [walking over to her desk] Oh, well, that's not very nice.


"The Mentalist: Cheap Burgundy (#4.17)" (2012)
Patrick Jane: I need your help.
Teresa Lisbon: My help? What about Darcy?
Patrick Jane: Eh... it didn't work out. Long story. Uh, no big deal. I'll tell you when you get here.
Teresa Lisbon: I'm busy here.
Patrick Jane: Call me when you're close.

Patrick Jane: I can't believe you haven't cracked Philo yet. I mean, you guys just can't manage without me, can you?


"The Mentalist: Red is the New Black (#4.13)" (2012)
[SPOILER:]
Teresa Lisbon: [capturing the killer] You're losing your touch. You didn't know it was her.
Patrick Jane: Don't be ridiculous. The trick worked exactly as I intended. It didn't matter which one I thought it was. That's how a good trick works.
Teresa Lisbon: You would say that, wouldn't you?

[last lines]
Patrick Jane: Rosalind, where's Roy?
Rosalind Harker: Roy couldn't stay.
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: [noticing a pool of blood nearby] Jane.
[opening a closet, they find a dead body wrapped in plastic]
FBI Agent Susan Darcy: It's the morgue attendant. You still gonna try and tell me Red John is dead?


"The Mentalist: The Redshirt (#4.9)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: The truth hurts, I know. It's biologically based actually. Our brains process sound faster than they do light, but light moves faster than sound. So the brain is constantly shifting reality so the world syncs up.
Doc Dugan: What does that have to do with anything?
Patrick Jane: This: only when someone is standing 30 yards away do we see and hear the world exactly as it is. That's when your brain, sound and light are all in perfect harmony.
Doc Dugan: So?
Patrick Jane: The rest of the time we are living in a world of lies. Lies are what make the world make sense. Ergo, the truth hurts.

Teresa Lisbon: Would you want that - to hear what people say about you when you're dead?
Patrick Jane: When I'm dead, they can burn me in effigy or build a statue or forget about me completely. I couldn't care less.
Teresa Lisbon: You don't mean that. Everybody wants to be remembered.
Patrick Jane: Childish vanity.
Teresa Lisbon: I want to be remembered.
Patrick Jane: And you shall be - fondly, because you won't care about it because when you're dead you're dead. And until then -
[waitress brings an ice cream sundae and two spoons to their table]
Patrick Jane: There's ice cream.


"The Mentalist: Black Hearts (#6.21)" (2014)
Michael Ridley: You've misjudged me. I've done nothing wrong.
Patrick Jane: You truly believe that, don't you?
Michael Ridley: Of course I do.
Patrick Jane: It's just business to you, all these women dead. It's just numbers on a spreadsheet, figures on your bottom line.
Michael Ridley: First of all, I didn't kill anyone. But perhaps the man who did wasn't solely concerned with money. Perhaps he had a greater cause in mind. Perhaps the lives of these women were taken so that the lives of important men could be spared, scientists, leaders, philanthropists, people who shape the world.
Patrick Jane: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to react to that.
Michael Ridley: Oh, come on. It's just us. If anyone could understand that perspective, it's you.
Patrick Jane: Well, you're right. I've worked with psychopaths and monsters for years, so, yes, I do understand your perspective... very well.


"The Mentalist: Blood and Sand (#4.5)" (2011)
Lydia Bibb: I threw a flower into the ocean for her.
Patrick Jane: You did?
Lydia Bibb: It's an old island custom. My mother said it sent a message to your people who had passed over. I mean, I know the girl isn't my family, but I think it'll still work, don't you?
Patrick Jane: Well, it can't hurt.
Lydia Bibb: You think I'm a foolish old woman, but I'll tell you this. I feel better. I feel like I did Something to give that girl some peace


"The Mentalist: Grey Water (#6.14)" (2014)
Teresa Lisbon: What do you think we should do?
Patrick Jane: I think we should trust our instincts.
Kimball Cho: You mean take a wild guess.
Patrick Jane: 80% of the time, a detective's first guess is right.
Kimball Cho: You just made that up.
Patrick Jane: And you knew that because your instincts told you.


"The Mentalist: Cherry Picked (#5.6)" (2012)
Isaac Goodwin: Marcus. What - we thought you were kidnapped!
Patrick Jane: Well, not all of us.


"The Mentalist: White as the Driven Snow (#6.15)" (2014)
Teresa Lisbon: I was really angry at you for doing what you did, but then I thought better of it. It was a stupid idea, but, hey, it worked.
Patrick Jane: Whoa. Stupid? Not necessarily stupid. Simple. Not stupid.
Teresa Lisbon: But I am still angry at you for not telling me what you were gonna do. I thought you'd gone nuts.
Patrick Jane: Oh, come on, please. It's not like I haven't abducted people before.


"The Mentalist: Pink Tops (#4.8)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: Disappointing, Lisbon. I thought you might push back a little. The guy called me a circus act.
Teresa Lisbon: Hey, the man is grieving. You push back.
Patrick Jane: Okay, I will.
[Gets up]
Teresa Lisbon: [stops him by placing her hand on his chest] Don't you dare.
Patrick Jane: You said that I could.
Teresa Lisbon: I take it back.


"The Mentalist: Nothing But Blue Skies (#7.1)" (2014)
Teresa Lisbon: [after an awkward reunion with Pike] That was weird. What'd he say?
Patrick Jane: Uh, he asked me if I had a plan for you.
Teresa Lisbon: Plan?
Patrick Jane: Yeah. Um... I don't. I... Well, I... I... I think I know what feels - I... I think we know - what feels right, and I think that that should be our guide.
Teresa Lisbon: So do I.


"The Mentalist: Black Market (#7.4)" (2014)
Patrick Jane: Pond said Upton was a smoker. Well, I think that tells us who's behind all this. Certainly how I can get a confession.
Teresa Lisbon: How?
Patrick Jane: There is one problem.
Teresa Lisbon: What?
Patrick Jane: Well, I'm... I'm a little sick. I'm... I'm not... I'm not sure that I can do it.
Teresa Lisbon: So what are we gonna do?
Patrick Jane: Well, you could do it.
Teresa Lisbon: Me?
Patrick Jane: Sure. You've seen me do this sort of thing heaps of times.
Teresa Lisbon: I have no idea what you're gonna say, but I'm pretty sure the answer's no.
Patrick Jane: Why don't you come by the Airstream and I'll explain it to you.
Teresa Lisbon: Why can't you just tell me now?
Patrick Jane: Because I'd like to see you. And I was hoping you would bring me some soup.
Teresa Lisbon: Fine.
Patrick Jane: Tomato or bean, please.
Teresa Lisbon: I got it.


"The Mentalist: Rhapsody in Red (#3.22)" (2011)
Patrick Jane: [presents Lisbon with a hydrangea] For you
Teresa Lisbon: Does it squirt water?
Patrick Jane: Nooo, no trick... Maybe just a little trick. Catch the killer
Teresa Lisbon: With a hydrangea?
Patrick Jane: Ya
Teresa Lisbon: How?
Patrick Jane: Well wouldn't that be spoiling the fun?
Teresa Lisbon: ...for you. Spoiling the fun for you
Patrick Jane: That's the fun that matters


"The Mentalist: Red John's Rules (#5.22)" (2013)
Patrick Jane: [at a crime scene] This is Red John.
Teresa Lisbon: How can you tell?
Patrick Jane: Because when it's him, I can feel it.


"The Mentalist: There Will Be Blood (#5.16)" (2013)
Teresa Lisbon: Now that she's killed someone, they're gonna look again into her escape.
Patrick Jane: That's likely.
Teresa Lisbon: Jane, I know you broke her out of prison. And you know I know.
Patrick Jane: And I know you know I know.
Teresa Lisbon: This is not funny! If they find out, you could be charged as an accomplice to murder.
Patrick Jane: Well, if they find out. They won't, unless, of course, you sing to the coppers.
Teresa Lisbon: Which I won't. And that makes me an accomplice to murder, as well.
Patrick Jane: Well, only if you look at it like a very persnickety lawyer.


"The Mentalist: Brown Eyed Girls (#6.19)" (2014)
Teresa Lisbon: What's going on?
Patrick Jane: Okay, so I went to buy some tacos at that great truck on Juarez. You know the one?
Teresa Lisbon: Yeah.
Patrick Jane: Anyhow, I bumped into this big guy. He drops his shopping bags. And it's obvious from what spilled out that he's keeping a woman captive. So I followed him. He went in there, in that guest house. Now, normally, I would take care of this, but this guy's sketchy.
Teresa Lisbon: What was in the shopping bags?
Patrick Jane: All sorts of stuff - duct tape, women's vitamins.
Teresa Lisbon: You brought me out here for duct tape?


"The Mentalist: Behind the Red Curtain (#5.18)" (2013)
Patrick Jane: Hey, Lisbon.
Teresa Lisbon: Where the hell are you? Don't tell me you're at the hospital.
Patrick Jane: I'm not at the hospital.
Teresa Lisbon: We caught a case. You're needed at the crime scene.
Patrick Jane: I'll be there soon.
Teresa Lisbon: You're at the hospital, aren't you?
Patrick Jane: You told me to tell you I'm not at the hospital. What do you want? Make up your mind.
Teresa Lisbon: Get out of there. If Jason Lennon wakes up and if he talks, and if he knows Red John's identity, Agent Kirkland and Homeland Security are perfectly capable of handling it.
Patrick Jane: I disagree.
Teresa Lisbon: You're playing with fire.
Patrick Jane: There are worse things to play with. Uh, gotta go.


"The Mentalist: Red Carpet Treatment (#3.4)" (2010)
Patrick Jane: Was it worth it?
Max Winter: Was what worth it?
Patrick Jane: The man that killed your wife no longer exists. The time you took pursuing him, the pain, the sacrifice. Was it worth it?
Max Winter: Yes, it was.


"The Mentalist: Red in Tooth and Claw (#5.14)" (2013)
Patrick Jane: For memory to be useful it has to be as accurate and as fast as a camera. How many animals did you get Lisbon?
Teresa Lisbon: Around 30.
Patrick Jane: And you got them from Linda's office?
Teresa Lisbon: Yes I did.
Patrick Jane: All of the animals came from Linda's office, and that is a place that I have never been. And in a moment, I will turn around and look behind me and just for a few seconds, and I will memorize every animal on those tables, in order, and then I will show you how to do the same.
Student: How do we know you didn't already memorize them?
Patrick Jane: Ah, a skeptic, I should have known, and you're right! There's no reason you should trust me. Paul, would you mind rearranging the animals any way you see fit?
Paul Friedman: Sure.
Patrick Jane: Thank you. The human brain, once you get it working right it can be incredibly effective. The mind can do some miraculous things like telling the future.
Student: Bull!
Patrick Jane: For that, you can be the one who holds the prediction. Science is about predictions isn't it?
Student: Predictions based on hard data not fortune telling.
Patrick Jane: Ah ha, you say tomato, I say science is believing rational thought; in grids, in lists, and classification, which is fine but it's not how the world works and it certainly not how the brain works.
Dr. Sonia Kidd: You're saying people aren't rational.
Patrick Jane: Well, being rational is a tool, but it's not the only tool we have. Long before we stuffed down knowledge into graphs and charts, we used older and, in some cases, more entertaining ways to remember things. How are we doing there Paul?
Paul Friedman: I think we're good.
Patrick Jane: Excellent, now please, I'd like to show you what I'm talking about
[whistles]
Patrick Jane: . Lisbon, uh would you mind? Thank you. We can create a memory by building a palace in our minds, we can sing ourselves a song, or tell ourselves a little story. A story of a bully, a grey fox, and a little brave man, a rat, who stood up for his chubby little buddy, the toad, and his friend, egghead. A story of a man in a tuxedo who snaked his way through a crowd to meet a women in a colorful dress; a penguin, cobra, three squirrels, and a parrot. The story of flight; an owl, a bat, a moth, all...