Pam De Beaufort
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Quotes for
Pam De Beaufort (Character)
from "True Blood" (2008)

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"True Blood: Plaisir d'amour (#1.9)" (2008)
Pam: [to an hysterical Ginger] Ginger, enough!
Eric Northman: Thank you.

Eric Northman: [watching Ginger clean up what's left of LongShadow] When Ginger is finished, glamour her for me.
Pam: Are you sure? She's been glamoured one too many times already. Who's knows how much of her is left.
Eric Northman: It's either that or turn her. You want her?
Pam: Please! I'm not that desperate. Glamour it is.
Eric Northman: [satisfied] Excellent.

Pam: [handing Sookie a leather outfit] Put these on.
Sookie Stackhouse: Oh, thank you. But I-I'm fine really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.
Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.
Sookie Stackhouse: Is... Bill is some kind of trouble?
Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now, what you need to do is change out of your clothes. There's vampire in your clevage.
Sookie Stackhouse: [looks down and gasps] Okay. Eeww!
Pam: Allow me.
[takes the bloody piece out]
Sookie Stackhouse: Thank you.
Pam: I'm beginnin' to understand the fuss everyone's makin' over you.

Pam: [looking on as Sookie and Bill kiss] If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now.
Eric Northman: Not me.

"True Blood: You Smell Like Dinner (#4.2)" (2011)
Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie] With what you are, faerie princess, you need to be somebody's or you won't BE at all. Eric is handsome, he's rich, and in his own way, he cares about you. He really does.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie's decline about Eric] Shame for you then. He pulls good strings.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Sookie] Did I miss something? Are we girls now? Did we join a book club and read some queer chicklet memoir and now are bound together by estrogen and sisterhood or some other feminist drivel?

Pam De Beaufort: Technology's taken all the fun out of being a vampire.

"True Blood: Bad Blood (#3.1)" (2010)
Pam: I should have told you that lavender is my favorite color.
Sookie Stackhouse: Pam, I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness.

Sookie Stackhouse: [watching Eric with the new dancer] What the s...?
Eric Northman: [stops and turns] Sookie... see anything you like?
Pam: I do.
Eric Northman: I take it Sookie couldn't be stopped?
Pam: What can I say? She overpowered me.

Eric Northman: [about Bill missing] The Queen is the last person I need finding out about this.
Pam: You're not the only one whose fate hangs in the balance here.
Eric Northman: And what do you think the Queen will do if I tell her I've lost the one vampire who could link her to the dealing of vampire blood?
Pam: What do you think she'll do if she finds out from someone else? Call the Queen.
Eric Northman: There are times when I seek your counsel, Pam. Now is not one of those times.

"True Blood: Frenzy (#2.11)" (2009)
Lisa Fowler: [to Eric] Can we see your fangs?
Eric Northman: [draws his fangs as she flinches] Don't you like vampires, little girl?
Sam Merlotte: [chafed] Eric!
Lisa Fowler: Our almost step-dad hated vampires, but we don't.
Coby Fowler: He went on a vacation with Jesus.
Pam: [miffed] You make me so happy I never had any of you.
Eric Northman: Oh come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.

Pam: [about Maryann] That thing owes me a pair of shoes!

"True Blood: To Love Is to Bury (#1.11)" (2008)
Bill Compton: [while he is digging a grave for Jessica, to Pam] Would you leave her alone!
Pam: It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cows.
Bill Compton: Just go away!
Pam: I wouldn't be here if the magister could trust you.
Bill Compton: I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence! I murdered this innocent girl.
Pam: There was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours.
Bill Compton: I've proven my loyalty!
Pam: Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You just might do something to keep the little blood bag from joinin' our ranks. I'll follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground.
Bill Compton: I'm not gonna stake her. I'm gonna set her free.
Pam: You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me.
Bill Compton: Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she's ever loved has been stolen from her.
Pam: Oh, please! There's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump of temporary flesh...
Bill Compton: Jessica!
Pam: The ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero.
Bill Compton: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: [smiling] Thank you.

Pam: You're a maker, you're a hero.
Bill Compton: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: Thank you.

"True Blood: Keep This Party Going (#2.2)" (2009)
Pam: I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets.
Lafayette Reynolds: Oh, don't get it twisted honeycone. I'm a survivor first, capitalist second and a whole bunch of shit after that. But a hooker dead last! So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaida pep rally's shot at getting my black ass up out of this motherfucker I'm taking it!

Pam: [looking at Eric's hair] This is a disaster. We'll have to go much shorter than I planned.
Eric Northman: Well I said I was sorry, Pam. He took silver to me.
[to Lafayette]
Eric Northman: You were there, you saw it. Defend me.
Lafayette Reynolds: I don't know what it is you want to know, but point me in the direction and I gives to you.
Eric Northman: I've seen your website, it's quite, umm... low rent. But your clients miss you, Lafayette, they're wondering if you're ever coming back.
Lafayette Reynolds: [nervous] Am I?

"True Blood: Hitting the Ground (#3.7)" (2010)
Pam: [to the Magister about the earrings] How'd you know I was a Tiffany's girl?

Pam: [after she is freed] You can dish it out but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?
Eric Northman: Let's see how this plays out, Pam. You can always taunt later.

"True Blood: Soul of Fire (#4.11)" (2011)
[repeated line]
Bill Compton, Eric Northman, Pam De Beaufort: Fuckin' Sookie!

Pam De Beaufort: [to Eric] Do not tell me you put our entire species at risk for a gash in a sundress?

"True Blood: You'll Be the Death of Me (#1.12)" (2008)
Jessica: [enters with Eric and Pam] Hi, daddy.
Bill Compton: [furious] What is this?
Eric Northman: There are favors and there are... favors.
Pam: She is extremely annoying.
Bill Compton: You can't do this! We had a deal!
Eric Northman: Yeah, well now the terms have changed. She's yours, unless you wanna give me Sookie?
[laughs as he draws his fangs]
Eric Northman: It's just a suggestion. Though a few nights with this one may change your mind.
Pam: Good luck.
Eric Northman: [in Swedish, as they leave] O du ljuva frihet.
[translation: Oh sweet freedom]
Jessica: [as Bill turns to her] So, who's good to eat around here?

Pam: [to Bill about Jessica] She is extremely annoying.

"True Blood: Authority Always Wins (#5.2)" (2012)
Lafayette Reynolds: Do something!
Pam De Beaufort: I am. I'm laughing.

Ginger: Why are you all dirty?
Pam De Beaufort: I was in the ground. What's your excuse?

"True Blood: She's Not There (#4.1)" (2011)
Pam De Beaufort: [to Jessica, about Hoyt] That tree with the plaid shirt has a name? He seems sweet and all, but if you're making him bring you here, I have a hunch that it's not enough.

Pam De Beaufort: [to Jessica] The restrooms are for humans. Do I need to explain why?

"True Blood: Turn! Turn! Turn! (#5.1)" (2012)
Pam De Beaufort: [incredulous to Sookie and Lafayette] I am wearing a Wal-Mart sweatsuit for y'all. That's not demonstration of team spirit, I don't know what is.

Pam De Beaufort: [seeing all the blood in Sookie's kitchen] Color me impressed. You guys know how to party.

"True Blood: Lost Cause (#7.5)" (2014)
Ginger: I have been your sex slave for 15 years, Eric Northman, and we ain't never had sex, blowjob, handjob, nothin'. Do you know what a sex slave is without the sex?
Pam De Beaufort: A slave.

Pam De Beaufort: [Looking at herself in the mirror] I look like a Republicunt!

"True Blood: Beautifully Broken (#3.2)" (2010)
Pam: [to Jessica] Let's go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirrors.

Jessica Hamby: Pam, when you're feeding on someone, how do you not kill them?
Pam: Bill didn't teach you that?
Jessica Hamby: Bill doesn't want me to feed on people and no he's gone. And...
Pam: [applying lipgloss] It's in the heart beat. You feel it in the blood.
Jessica Hamby: Yeah?
Pam: And when it slows, you stop.
Jessica Hamby: Yeah, but how do you stop?
Pam: I think about crying children with soggy diapers. Also maggots.
Jessica Hamby: Well... let's say you did kill someone by accident. What would you do with the body?

"True Blood: Escape from Dragon House (#1.4)" (2008)
Eric Northman: [in Swedish] Vår lilla djurpark börjar växa till sig.
[Our little zoo is starting to grow]
Pam: Jag vet.
[I know]

Pam: [as he walks up to Fangtasia with Sookie] Bill. Haven't seen you in a while.
Bill Compton: I'm mainstreamin'.
Pam: Good for you. Who's the doll?
Bill Compton: Pam, this is Sookie. Sookie, this is Pam.
Sookie Stackhouse: [smiling, extending her hand to Pam] Pleased to meet you.
Pam: [just looks at her] Can I see your ID?
Sookie Stackhouse: Oh. Sure. How funny. Who'd have thought? Getting carded at a vampire bar.
Pam: I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful we serve no minors... in any capacity.
[looking at her id]
Pam: Twenty-five, huh? How sweet it is.

"True Blood: Everybody Wants to Rule the World (#5.9)" (2012)
Pam De Beaufort: Just because we drank a bitch together does not make us Oprah and Gayle. Get the fuck back to work.
Tara Thornton: Suck me, vampire Barbie!

"True Blood: It Hurts Me Too (#3.3)" (2010)
Pam De Beaufort: [answering the phone] Fantasia. This better be good.
Jessica Hamby: [into the phone] Oh hi, Pam. It's Jessica Hamby. We talked yesterday. I'm the one...
Pam De Beaufort: [cutting in] I remember you perfectly. What is it?
Jessica Hamby: I really, desperately need your help. I don't where Bill is and gosh, you're like the only other vampire I know.
Pam De Beaufort: Spit it out, cupcake. I'm in the middle of something.
Jessica Hamby: [stammering] Right, um... remember how I was asking how you would, you know... what you would do if you... if you like kill somebody by accident.
Pam De Beaufort: Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a hypothetical chainsaw?
Jessica Hamby: Yes and that's just the problem. I went to get the chainsaw and now he's gone!
Pam De Beaufort: What?
Jessica Hamby: I left for like 15 minutes and he just disappeared.
Pam De Beaufort: So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house?
Jessica Hamby: Uh... yeah.
Pam De Beaufort: Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Gotta run.
[Pam hangs up and turns to a semi-nude Yvetta sitting on her desk]
Pam De Beaufort: Babies, they're all the same. Now, where were we? Oh, right. Just lie back sweetheart, and think of Estonia.

"True Blood: Cold Grey Light of Dawn (#4.7)" (2011)
Woman 1: Are you sure she ain't a zombie?
Woman 2: Holy crap, now they're zombies!
Pam De Beaufort: I am not a zombie!
Woman 1: That's exactly what a zombie would say, "I'm not a zombie".

"True Blood: 9 Crimes (#3.4)" (2010)
Pam De Beaufort: [over the phone] We're being raided.
Eric Northman: So? Call the American Vampire League. They'll get their lawyers on it. I'm busy.
Pam De Beaufort: [in Swedish] It's not the police. It's the Magister.
Eric Northman: I'm coming there now.
Pam De Beaufort: Don't be stupid. Leave while you still can. They're looking for the V, Eric. The Queen set you up.

"True Blood: Burning House of Love (#1.7)" (2008)
Pam: Go on in... good luck gettin' out.

"True Blood: I Smell a Rat (#3.10)" (2010)
[Pam walks in and interrupts Eric and Sookie]
Eric Northman: What?
Pam De Beaufort: Blah blah vampire emergency, blah

"True Blood: Jesus Gonna Be Here (#7.1)" (2014)
Pam De Beaufort: Your God and my God can get a hotel room and have a circle jerk for all I care - I'll be in hell, having a three way with the devil.

"True Blood: Radioactive (#6.10)" (2013)
Pam De Beaufort: Sookie! I'm actually fucking happy to see you!

"True Blood: Hard-Hearted Hannah (#2.6)" (2009)
Pam: [from behind him] Remember me?
[as he jumps]
Pam: Aww, you do. How's life?
Lafayette Reynolds: Not so good. Uh, is you real?
Pam: [looking around the freezer] Hmmm. This is nice. I could sleep here in a pinch.
Lafayette Reynolds: What are you doin' here? I ain't said nothin' to nobody.
Pam: And I knew you wouldn't.
Lafayette Reynolds: Why then the fuck ya'll just glamour me, huh?
Pam: Oh poor thing. We would have, but then you wouldn't have remembered that you owed us.
Lafayette Reynolds: Owe you?
Pam: Eric sent me with a request.
[holding up a small bottle of blood]
Pam: You're back in business.
Lafayette Reynolds: Oh no I ain't. I'm outta that shit.
Pam: So sorry. But you're very much back in this shit.
Lafayette Reynolds: You locked me up and tortured me for damn near three mother-fuckin' weeks, 'cause you caught me selling V and now...
Pam: Now what?
Lafayette Reynolds: What the fuck is vampire's doing selling V anyway?
Pam: We're not. You are. Get to work.