Bartender
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Quotes for
Bartender (Character)
from Feast (2005)

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Feast (2005)
Hero: Listen to me. A storm o'hell's coming down on this place any second. I don't know what they are, I don't know where they came from. All I do know is that these fuckers are fast, nasty, and hungry... and there's four of 'em. They got claws like Ginsu knives and more teeth than a chainsaw. They're comin'... right now. So we gotta lock this bar down. That means doors, windows, drains, and zippers, and we gotta do it now. You! Get a phone, call the cops, National Guard, townies, anybody who kicks ass, and get 'em out here. Any questions?
Bartender: Yeah. Who the hell are you?
Hero: I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass.
[a monster immediately reaches through the window and kills him]

Bartender: C'mon, I'll take you to your car.
Honey Pie: [as Coach steps up beside Honey Pie at the bar] Not tonight. I have an escort.
Bartender: That'll be eighteen bucks, pal.
Bartender: [Coach opens wallet to pay, wedding ring falls out. Honey Pie shoves him to the ground and walks off. Re: tab] Guess I'll just keep this open.

Bozo: Any more ideas, Animal Planet?
Coach: I-I was just being proactive!
Bartender: Hey Dipshit, I didn't see you helpin' did I...
Bozo: Oh, go douche, Grandpa!
Beer Guy: What now?
Tuffy: We're stuck in here, that's what.

Bozo: YOU!
Grandma: [Drunkenly] What?
Bozo: You know somethin'!
Grandma: Huh?
Bozo: You're old! You've seen things!
Grandma: I don't know a thing.
Bartender: Easy there...
Bozo: Back off me, whitey! I'm interrogating her.
Bozo: Old people know things, like legends and tall tales and shit.
Grandma: No... really... I don't...
Bozo: Come on! Spill it! Or I'll get rough!
Grandma: I don't know anything!
[Points to Bartender]
Grandma: Why don't you ask him? He's old!
Heroine: Relax. She doesn't know anything.
Bozo: Yeah... allegedly.

Bozo: [Locked in bedroom as monster is coming through window] Okay! I'm ready to come out now!
Bartender: [Bartender fumbles outside with key; it breaks in the lock] Oh.
Bozo: [Panicking, rattling doorknob] OH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "OH"?
Coach: [Relatively calmly. i.e. oh, shit] Cheese and crackers.