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: Penny? What about her? Leslie
: Well, I thought I saw your pupils dilate when you looked at her, which, unless you're a heroin addict, points to sexual attraction.
: Just so we're clear, you understand that me hanging back to practice with you is a pretext for letting you know that I'm sexually available.
: [furious that Leslie wrote on his board
] I don't come in to your house and touch your board! Leslie Winkle
: There are no incorrect equations on my board. Sheldon Cooper
: Oh, that is so... so... Leslie Winkle
: I'm sorry, I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, text me. Sheldon Cooper
: [after Leslie leaves and a brief pause
] Inconsiderate. THAT is the adjective! Inconsiderate.
: [Penny and Sheldon are listening in to Leonard's room through the door
: Oh Leonard, you magnificent beast.
: Why are you smashing a flash-frozen banana? Leslie
: 'Cause I got a bowl of Cheerios and I couldn't find a knife.
: Leslie and I do research together at the university. Penny
: Oh, wow! A girl scientist. Leslie Winkle
: Yup, come for the breasts, stay for the brains.
: Where's the rest of your squad? Howard Wolowitz
: Uh, they left me here to die. What about yours? Leslie Winkle
: Dead... all of 'em. Howard Wolowitz
: Sorry. Leslie Winkle
: Don't be. It was friendly fire.
[Blows on her paintgun barrel
] Leslie Winkle
: They just wouldn't listen.
[to Leslie, Howard and Raj
] Leonard Hofstadter
: Where are you going? Leslie Winkle
: Surrender, then Denny's.
: Howard, I got the approval for the rapid prototyper you wanted. Howard Wolowitz
: That's great, Leslie, thanks. Leslie Winkle
: You scratch my back, I scratch your back. Meow! Rajesh Koothrappali
: What was all that about? Howard Wolowitz
: Oh, uh, no big deal, they gave Leslie control over some unrestricted grant money. Leonard Hofstadter
: Yeah, okay, but what's with the "back scratching" and the "meow." Sheldon Cooper
: I believe the "back scratching" metaphor generally describes a quid pro quo situation where one party provides goods or services to second party in compensation for a similar action. Leonard Hofstadter
] Thank you. Sheldon Cooper
: The "meow." That sounded to me like an African civet cat. Leonard Hofstadter
: Are you done? Sheldon Cooper
: No. Despite what the name suggests, the civet cat, is not a true cat.
] Sheldon Cooper
: Now I'm done. Rajesh Koothrappali
: You know what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, Howard wasn't making a back scratching metaphor. I'm thinking there was some actual scratching involved. Leonard Hofstadter
: What about it, Howard? Howard Wolowitz
: Okay, I didn't want to say anything, cause I know you and Leslie have a little... history. Leonard Hofstadter
: I don't care about that. Howard Wolowitz
: Great, 'cause I've been dying to say something. Leonard Hofstadter
: You and Leslie? Howard Wolowitz
: In the paintball shed! Twice! Sheldon Cooper
: Is that why you didn't cover our escape, and let us get cut down like animals? Howard Wolowitz
: Oh yeah, sorry about that. Sheldon Cooper
: My good man, dereliction of duty in the face of the enemy is a court martial offense. Howard Wolowitz
: Court martial, schmort martial. Leslie Winkle is the fifth girl I've ever had sex with!
] Howard Wolowitz
: I mean for free.
: I'm busy, ma! Mrs. Wolowitz
: Too busy to help your mother with her zipper? Howard Wolowitz
: Don't come in, ma! Mrs. Wolowitz
: Why not? Leslie Winkle
: He's got company! Howard Wolowitz
: Oh, there's the arrhythmia. Mrs. Wolowitz
: Is she Jewish? Howard Wolowitz
] Are you Jewish? Leslie Winkle
] No. Howard Wolowitz
: I think tonight was a very good start. Leslie Winkle
: Me too. You're sure you're okay postponing intercourse until our relationship is past the initial viability test? Leonard Hofstadter
: No problem, I'm very skilled at postponing intercourse.
: Hello, dummy. Sheldon Cooper
: Hello to you, insufficiently intelligent person. Leslie Winkle
: Ooh, rush me to the burn unit.
: So, I heard your relationship with Penny crashed to the ground like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory. Leonard Hofstadter
: Where did you hear that? Leslie Winkle
: Actually I read it: Wolowitz texted me. Leonard Hofstadter
: [Reading her phone
] ... like blue ice falling out of an airplane lavatory. Yep! Leslie Winkle
: I thought it was pretty a good one. I gave him an "LOL."
: [Referring to their upcoming date
] How do you suggest we proceed? Leslie Winkle
: Your place. We'll order Chinese, you'll rent a movie - artsy but accessible - then light petting, no coitus. Leonard Hofstadter
: Sounds fun... Leslie Winkle
: I'll leave the details up to you. I think it's better if you assume the male role.
: What rat have you recruited to the U.S.S. Sinking Ship? Leslie Winkle
: Hello, Sheldon. Sheldon
: Leslie Winkle. Leslie Winkle
: Yeah. Leslie Winkle. The answer to the question, "Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?" Sheldon
: Yes, well... I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive, so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me, returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you. Leslie Winkle
] Oh, ouch.
: Wait. You are going up against Sheldon Cooper? Howard Wolowitz
: Yes. Leslie Winkle
: That arrogant, misogynistic East Texas doorknob that told me I should abandon my work with high energy particles for laundry and child bearing? Leonard
: She's in.
: [Sheldon learns that Leslie is replacing him as a team member in a physics competition
] Yeah, Leslie Winkle, the answer to the question, 'Who made Sheldon Cooper cry like a little girl?' Sheldon
: Yes, well, I'm polymerized tree sap and you're an inorganic adhesive so whatever verbal projectile you launch in my direction is reflected off of me and returns on its original trajectory and adheres to you. Leslie Winkle
: Oh, ouch
[with much sarcasm
: So, Sheldon, I see you're organizing your papers for the Smithsonian Museum of Dumb-Assery. Ramona Nowitzki
: There won't be any room until they get rid of the permanent Leslie Winkle exhibit. Sheldon
: Oh, good one. Leslie Winkle
: I see you got a grad student to fight your battles for you. I'll let you keep your lunch money today.
: I'm trying to see how long it takes a five hundred kilowatt oxygen-iodine laser to heat up my Cup-A-Noodles.
: Well don't turn it off, you might miss your call from the Nobel Committee letting you know you've been nominated as dumbass laureate of the year. Sheldon Cooper
: Oh yeah? Well... you wouldn't even be nominated!
: In the past I would have said something obnoxious, like "Happy birthday, dumbass," but I'm not going to do it. You and I have both grown a lot, and it's just so nice to see you all again. So... Happy birthday, Sheldon. Sheldon Cooper
: Oh now, you know I hate change. Say it. Leslie Winkle
: Happy birthday, dumbass!