Quotes for
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (Character)
from "Phineas and Ferb" (2007)

"Phineas and Ferb: Out of Toon/Hail Doofania (#1.35)" (2008)

Norm: Does someone need a hug?
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Of course not, you glorified waffle iron!

Charlene Doofenshmirtz: [about miniature city] Heinz, you made a plush model?
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I had a lot of felt!
Charlene Doofenshmirtz: Well, at least it holds together. Remember that dining set you tried to build for our apartment?
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: It's hard to forget when you keep reminding me!

[the dancing ray has zapped Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Perry, causing them to dance together]
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: To add insult to injury, the platypus is leading.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [singing the Doofania national anthem] In the bay of the coast of the tri-state area/Floats a country for me and me/It's new, it's bright/And it's founded on spite/And it's everything I dreamed it would be/Hail, hail Doofania!
[stops singing; to Norm]
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Does it feel like it stops too quick there? We'll work on it.

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"Phineas and Ferb: Put That Putter Away/Does This Duckbill Make Me Look Fat? (#1.31)" (2008)

[Perry, in Candace's body, crashes in on Dr. Doofenshmirtz]
Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: A teenage girl?
[Perry dons his signature hat]
Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: *Perry* the Teenage Girl?

Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [as Perry, in Candace's body, tries to attack him] Ha! You don't have a tail anymore! Now you're no match for me! But wait a minute, I... I can't hit a girl.
[Perry attacks him again]
Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Did you have that purse when you came in?
[Perry attacks him again]
Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'm out of here.
[Doofenshmirtz runs off, leaving a smoke cloud. When the cloud disappears, Doofenshmirtz is still there]
Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: What just happened?

[Dr. Doofenshmirtz is trying to write his own evil jingle but can't come up with a word to rhyme with "evil"]
Dr, Heinz Doofenshmirtz: As soon as I get this done, lunchtime will never again be fun. Oh, great, *there's* a rhyme! There's a rhyme, but sure, EVERYTHING rhymes with "fun"!

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"Phineas and Ferb: Get That Bigfoot Outta My Face! (#1.17)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [upon seeing Perry] Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I really mean unexpected, what are you doing here, this is my week off.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [summing up his Internet girlfriend] It's not the worse date I ever had. There was the one that kept stabbing me with the fork.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the platypus, as usual your timing is uncanny. And by uncanny, of course I mean... completely canny!

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"Phineas and Ferb: Traffic Cam Caper/Bowl-R-Rama Drama (#1.29)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [dressed as a penguin] I used to have goals. They were evil goals, but they were goals.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: As they say in Mexico, "Dasvidaniya!" Down there, that's two vidaniyas.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [about Perry taking Norm, the robot] Perry, the Platypus, I don't want to see one scratch on that machine!

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"Phineas and Ferb: Rollercoaster (#1.1)" (2007)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [just noticing Perry] Ah, Perry the Platypus! What an unexpected surprise. And by unexpected, I mean completely expected!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [after the tin foil has come off of the buildings and flying towards his lair] Well, that didn't work. And now we have a two ton ball of tin foil traveling two-hundred miles an hour directly at us!

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"Phineas and Ferb: I, Brobot (#1.8)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [to Perry] Too bad you don't believe in love... to bad!

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Perry, the platypus? How did you escape my net?... It was the mouse, wasn't it?

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Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension (2011) (TV)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Candice, Phineas, Flynn, and Perry are linked together by a chain hovering over a lava pit. Candace catches a key] Great, you caught it! Now, unlock me.
Candace Flynn: Are you even paying attention?
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [realizing he would fall into the lava pit if he was unlocked] Uh, that's right, i... it can wait. Later.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: If I had a nickel for every time I've been doomed by a puppet, I would have two nickels.

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"Phineas and Ferb: The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein/Oil on Candace (#1.34)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [as Dr. Jekyll after transforming into a pixie] You know, in hindsight, I regret even including a fairy princess dial. But you know, live and learn.

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [as Dr. Jekyll while franken-Perry is punching him] Wait, wait. Time out. Allow me one little drink before we continue. I-I'm parched.

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"Phineas and Ferb: Candace Loses Her Head (#1.7)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [with Perry in the hub trying to get to the surface] I hate to a stickler but the lava is coming again! Faster!

Hub Computer Voice: Hub is overheating... Hub is overheating.
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [seeing the magma, beat] The molten lava at the Earth's core completely slipped my mind.

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"Phineas and Ferb: A Hard Day's Knight (#1.28)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, your dragon robot is no match for my Queen Elizabeth the first... robot. Do you want to switch? Come on, be a sport!

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"Phineas and Ferb: The Magnificent Few (#1.10)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [making a notation on a taperecorder] Note to self: My evil deed for tomorrow, fire the maid.

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"Phineas and Ferb: Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation (#2.24)" (2009)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I have an intense, burning indifference.

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"Phineas and Ferb: I Scream, You Scream (#1.15)" (2008)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Then no one can stop the wrath of Dr Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
Vanessa: Doctor? Since when are you a doctor?
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [Shows her his certificate] They don't just give these to anybody, you know.
Vanessa: [Looks at certificate's price tag] Anybody with $15, they do...
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: [Snatches certificate from her] OK, that's enough looking.

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"Phineas and Ferb: Attack of the 50 Foot Sister/Backyard Aquarium (#2.5)" (2009)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Say hallo to the platypus secret agent arrival in order to foil my evil plot capture-inator. Or as I like to call it, my PSAAIOTFMEPC-inator. I made it up myself.
[Later]
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Behold: The hotdog vendor revenge-inator. Or, my HDVR
[ahh]
Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: -inator. I have to work on my acronyms.

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"Phineas and Ferb: Perry Lays an Egg/Gaming the System (#2.9)" (2009)

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Wait, wait... My evil plan isn't evil enough for you to foil, is that it? Really? I've just insulted the macaroni and cheese recipe of a whale. What part of that is not evil? Perry the platypus, you get back here and thwart me this instant!

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"Phineas and Ferb: Phineas and Ferb: Summer Belongs to You! (#2.34)" (2010)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: According to the SPG, Vanessa's in some place called "siraP". Hmm...
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: [Perry turns the GPS around] Oh, Paris! That makes a lot more sense. That's actually where she wanted to go. Good for her.

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"Phineas and Ferb: Day of the Living Gelatin!/Elementary, My Dear Stacy (#2.6)" (2009)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! Well, who's your little friend here?
Agent Double-00: I'm Agent Double 00, of her majesty's secret service.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Double 00? Isn't that just triple 0?
Agent Double-00: No, that's not how it's said.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It spells "ooo", doesn't it?
Agent Double-00: It's "Double 00"!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: He's "P" and you're "ooo", so together, you spell...
Agent Double-00: No, they're not "O"s, they're zeroes, alright?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I was just gonna say "ooop". Looks like I struck a nerve there!

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