David Hasselhoff
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Quotes for
David Hasselhoff (Character)
from "Muppets Tonight" (1996)

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Piranha 3DD (2012)
David Hasselhoff: Welcome to rock bottom.

David Hasselhoff: Holy fuck! I'm getting old.

[Last line]
David Hasselhoff: Little ginger moron.


"Just Shoot Me!: The Burning House (#6.20)" (2002)
David Hasselhoff: This little guy approached me at racquetball with a script. I try to refer him to my agent, and for some reason my agent approves it. I gotta get a new agent.

David Hasselhoff: I did not scratch your car!
David Hasselhoff: [on-camera interview] I scratched his car. Usually, I'd appologize right away, but it was just a tiny little scratch, and he was being a jerk. Screw him.

David Hasselhoff: You'll always be my princess, Leia.
Nina Van Horn: And you'll never fly solo, Han.


The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, how will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
David Hasselhoff: I can take you there.
[Hasselhoff comes running up in slow motion]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
Patrick Star, SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray!
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, uh, where's your boat?
David Hasselhoff: Boat?
[laughs]

David Hasselhoff: [after Dennis stabs him in the butt] Take it easy back there fellas

David Hasselhoff: Ya done good Hasselhoff, ya done...
[giant flame comes from the Bikini Bottom and burns David Hasselhoff]
David Hasselhoff: [quietly] Ow.


Guardians of the Galaxy: Inferno (2017) (V)
Zardu Hasselfrau: Getting down and dirty with a procyon lotor / Got no people skills, but he's good with motors / That weird thing by his side, an infantilized sequoia / The two of them walk by, people say "oh boy-a" / They ask me why I'm bringin' a baby into battle / That's really irresponsible, and getting them rattled / I say, give me a break! Get off my back dammit! / I didn't learn parenting, my daddy was a planet!

Zardu Hasselfrau: In times of hardship, just remember: We are Groot.


"Action: Mr. Dragon Goes to Washington (#1.5)" (1999)
David Hasselhoff: Come on folks, who wants to strap their kids in a teacup with Michael?

David Hasselhoff: Next up: ordinary corn holders. That is if you consider Mary Tyler Moore's cornhole ordinary.
[catches himself]
David Hasselhoff: Cornholders. I mean cornholders.


Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
[from the closing credits]
The Form of David Hasselhoff: In times of hardship, just remember: We. Are. Groot.

Peter Quill: You said you loved my mother.
Ego: And that I did. My river lily who knew all the words to every song that came over the radio. I returned to Earth to see her three times. And I knew if I returned a fourth, well, I'd... I'd never leave. The Expansion... the reason for my very existence would be over. So, I did what I had to do. But... it broke my heart to put that tumor in her head.
Peter Quill: What?
Ego: Now, now, all right, I know that sounds bad...
[Peter continuously shoots Ego with his Quad Blasters]
Ego: [reforming] Who... in the *hell*... do you think you are?
Peter Quill: *You killed my mother*!
Ego: I tried *so hard* to find the form...
The Form of David Hasselhoff: [changes form to David Hasselhoff] ... that best *suited you*... and this is the thanks I get?
Ego: [changes back] You really need to *grow up*.
[Ego pierces Quill with a beam of energy]
Ego: I wanted to do this together... but I suppose you'll have to learn by spending the next thousand years as a *battery*!


Hop (2011)
E.B.: Hey, wait. You're not surprised I'm a talking rabbit.
David Hasselhoff: Little man, my best friend is a talking car.