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Quotes for
Billy's Dad (Character)
from "The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy" (2001)

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"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Keeper of the Reaper (#6.2)" (2006)
Mandy: How would you rate Billy as a caregiver?
Jeff the Spider: Uh, pretty good, I guess. Except that he's never remembered my birthday, or payed child support. In fact, he usually just jabs me with a big stick.
[Billy jabs him with a big stick]
Jeff the Spider: Ow!
Billy: I'll jab you good, you filthy bug!
Jeff the Spider: Why don't you love me dad? I'll be anything you want me to be!
Billy: I want you to be dead!

Billy's Mom: Oh, my stars and garters! What happened in here?
Billy: Grim conjured up this...
Fred Fredburger: Hey, who's that lady?
Billy: That's my momma.
Fred Fredburger: Does she make cookies?
Billy's Mom: Sometimes.
Fred Fredburger: Well, sometimes, my mom makes me cookies... with chocolate chips, and sometimes, she makes me peanut butter bars, and sometimes, she doesn't make me anything... Chocolate chip is my favorite. Yes.
Billy: Oooooookaaay.

Billy: [singing] Please vote me the keeper of the reaper/ I wanna be the keeper of the reaper/ His skinny white bones are mine to own/ To do with as I see fit/ Give him to me and I promise my love won't quit!
Mandy: I disagree 'bout the keeper of the reaper/ It should be me who's the keeper of the reaper/ Grim's not a toy for an idiot boy/ Who can't even tie his shoes/ If Billy wins, then we all surely lose!
Grim, The Grim Reaper: Don't *I* get a say about the keeper of the reaper?/ I'll make you all pay for the keeper of the reaper!/ All my rage is bottled up in this cage/ Held back by these iron bars/ I'll never get rid of these mental scars!
Judge Roy Spleen: I don't care who's the keeper of the reaper/ I'm losin' my hair over keeper of the reaper/ A mountain of stress is crushing my chest/ I'm going blind in one eye/ And its all be-cause of that stupid guy!
Fred Fredburger: Don't worry! I found some nachos! Yes.
[Judge Spleen hits him on the head with the gavel]
Fred Fredburger: OW!
Billy: [rapping] Time to make you ill, old school style!
[reverts back to singing]
Billy: Grim is the corner in my square!
Mandy: Grim's the chocolate in my eclair.
Billy: Grim is the freshener in my air!
Mandy: Grim's the conditioner in my hair.
Billy: GRIM'S THE PIC-A-NIC IN MY BEAR!
Mandy: Grim is the cushion in my chair.
Billy: Grim is the renaissance in my fair!
Mandy: Grim is the anger in my stare.
Billy: Grim is the stain in my underwear!
Mandy: Somehow I knew you were gonna go there.

Mandy: Objection! He's leading the witness!
Billy: I'm not leading him! I'm just trying to make him say exactly what I want him to say!

Mandy: I'd like to call the court's attention to exhibit A,
[pulls out Civil War cap]
Mandy: a hat that belonged to another of Bily's pet, one Wiggy Jiggy Jed. That is, until Billy destroyed him.
Billy: I had a good reason! He bored me!
Mandy: And what will happen when Grim bores you? Will you destroy *him*, too?

Fred Fredburger: [viewing a flashback] Hey, who's that man?
Billy: That's my dad.
Fred Fredburger: Ah, you look like him!
Billy's Dad: He'd better look like me.
[points at his wife]
Billy's Dad: 'Cause if he looked like *you*, he'd be PRETTY!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Meet the Reaper/Evil Con Carne/Skeletons in the Water Closet (#1.1)" (2001)
Grim: [about taking Billy's hamster to the underworld] Look, I'm just doing my job... but I'm afraid it's curtains for Mr. Snuggles...
Billy: You got a curtain?

Billy: [meeting the Grim Reaper] It's Santa! Santa Claus!
Mandy: That's not Santa Claus, you stooge! That's the Grim Reaper...
Billy: [pause] Do I still get presents?
Grim: Um... No... Actually, I'm here for the hamster...
Billy: Ooooh! You brought presents for Mr. Snuggles?
Grim: No... I'm taking him away.
Billy: To the North Pole?

Billy: Look! It's Santa! Santa Claus!
Mandy: That's not Santa, you stooge. That's the Grim Reaper.
Billy: ...Do I still get presents?
Grim: Um... no... actually, I'm here for the hamster.
Billy: Oh boy, oh boy! You brought presents for Mr. Snuggles?
Grim: No... I'm taking him away.
Billy: To the North Pole?
Grim: No. I'm... ''
[Mr. Snuggles bites Grim]
Grim: '' Ah! Oof! Oof! Look, I'm just doing me job, but I'm afraid its curtains for Mr. Snuggles.
Billy: ...You got him curtains?
Mandy: You'll have to forgive Billy - he's an idiot.

Billy's Dad: Gladys! Now, slowly. What the heck are YOU trying to say?
Billy's Mom: B-B-B-Billy!
[wails]
Billy's Dad: Yes...
Billy's Mom: Our son!
Billy's Dad: Yes!
Billy's Mom: Our son has turned into a big spooky skeleton!
[sobs]


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Mommy Fiercest/The Taking Tree (#5.3)" (2005)
Billy: Mnady, You gotta help me, every time I take a bite of this delicious bread it's becomes smaller!
Billy: I've lost it!
Mandy: That's right, Billy, you totally have.

Billy: ...But I'm looking for my Captain Fathead...
Mandy: Your dad's in the garage.

Mandy: You lost your pants?
Billy: Well, just the back.
[turns around]
Mandy: [Mandy's eyes widen] I've just lost my ability to see. I can still feel your butt looking at me.

Billy: This pillow stuffing tastes like I'm choking!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Lil' Pork Chop/Skarred for Life (#3.3)" (2004)
Mandy: So, we were thinking of setting you free.
Grim: Really?
Billy: Yeah. All you gotta do is say you're a little girl.
Grim: I'm... a little girl.
Mandy: I'm not sure I bought it.
Billy: Yeah! Are you a *pretty* girl?
Grim: [speaking in an ecstatic, high-pitched, feminine voice] I'm very pretty! Look at me! I'm *queen* pretty! Aren't boys just so dreamy? I can talk on the phone for hours about nothing!
Mandy: Grim?
Grim: Let's brush my hair! And paint my toes!
Mandy: You can stop. We were only kidding.
Grim: Oh, it's fun to accessorize! Let's all ride some magical pink ponies! I'll name mine Sparkles Fantastic!

Billy's Dad: Billy, I've never told you this and I probably never will again... but I love you, son.

[Billy has learned of Skarr's past]
Billy: That story was so beautiful, it gave me gas.
[he passes gas]
Billy: But don't you ever miss your old job?
Gen. Skarr: [fondly] Miss commanding regimented forces of destructive power? As we encircle the globe with our terrible iron fists of might?
[he gradually raises his voice and sounds and looks more maniacal]
Gen. Skarr: Crushing down all the pathetic fools who dared stand before us? Gorging our bellies on their cries for mercy, until at last I ALONE STAND AS THE GLORIOUS DARK LORD OF ALL THE KNOWN UNIVERSE!
[he gasps for breath before suddenly calming down]
Gen. Skarr: Not at all. Don't miss it.


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Bully Boogie/Here Thar Be Dwarves (#3.7)" (2004)
Grim: I wonder how Billy's picnic is going.
Billy: [flies by really fast though the air] Hey Grim! Hey Mandy!
Grim: That answers one question but raises so many others.

[the bears chase Billy into a cave]
Billy: [taunting from the cave] You dumb bears can't get me in here!
Yogi: He's right, Boo-Boo. We bears are terribly afraid of caves.
Boo-Boo: Why are we so lame, Yogi?

Billy: Why do you have to hate each other? Can't you see you're just like peas and mashed potatoes? Some people don't like them to touch each other if they're on the same plate! But it's okay. It's okay if they touch! Because they both get chewed up by the mouth, and sent down the esophagus and dissolved into the stomach and absorbed into the intestines and oh I won't go any further than that. But the point is, we're all just nutrients in the great big digestive system called LIFE!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Opposite Day/Emotional Skarr/Look Alive! (#1.2)" (2001)
[Billy and Grim walk to Mandy's house]
Grim: I hate you, I hate playing with you, and I especially hate your little girlfriend!
Billy: Cheer up, Gri... hey! Mandy's not my girlfriend! She's just my FRIEND, who HAPPENS to be a girl, just like I HAPPEN to be a boy, and you HAPPEN to be a skeleton! It's the differences that make our planet so rich! So diverse! And wonderful!
[Rainbows in background]
Grim: I still hate you, though.

Billy: You think that was too mean?
Mandy: He said he didn't want to. You know what that means!
Billy: You're right.


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Grim for a Day/ChickenBall Z/Max Courage! (#2.9)" (2003)
Mandy: [Chicken Ball Z] Billy, you look like a nerd.
Billy: When I left you, I was but a nerd. Now I am the master.
Mandy: Looks like I'll have to use my full power to fight you, Billy.
Billy: Bring it on, baby cakes.

Grim, The Grim Reaper: [Chicken Ball Z] I can't believe I'm finally rid of those brats!
Eris: And I got to get jiggy with the chaos.
Grim, The Grim Reaper: Everyone wins!
Mandy: No, I win. And I want my $50,000!
Billy: And I want a snow cone!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Who Killed Who?/Tween Wolf (#2.4)" (2003)
Mandy: Billy. Oh, Billy.
Billy: Mandy, is that you?
[sees Mandy]
Billy: Oh, Mandy, it's, uh, nice to see you again.
Mandy: Is that so, Billy? Is that so?
[coming out of the shadows, revealing to be a 'ghost']
Billy: [gasps] No! I mean you're all white like a...
Mandy: Ghost?
Billy: Uhhh, yeah!
Mandy: And it's all because you wouldn't let me play your game, because I was a girl.
Billy: No! No! I uh...
Mandy: [shakes the dice] Well, now that I'm a ghost, it's my turn to play
[rolls the dice]
Mandy: Who Killed Who!
Billy: [reads the words "BEHIND YOU"] Behind you? Behind me?
[looks at the wall that says "BILLY IN THE HALLWAY WITH THE DICE BY... ]
Billy: Billy in the hallway with the dice by... By...
Mandy: By?
Mrs. Doolin: Meeeeee!
Billy: [screams offscreen] You can play! Girls are allowed!

Mandy: Billy. Oh, Billy.
Billy: Mandy, is that you?
[sees Mandy]
Billy: Oh, Mandy, it's, uh, nice to see you again.
Mandy: Is that so, Billy? Is that so?
[coming out of the shadows, revealing to be a 'ghost']
Billy: [gasps] No! I mean you're all white like a...
Mandy: Ghost?
Billy: Uhhh, yeah!
Mandy: And it's all because you wouldn't let me play your game, because I was a girl.
Billy: No! No! I uh...
Mandy: [shakes the dice] Well, now that I'm a ghost, it's my turn to play
[rolls the dice]
Mandy: Who Killed Who!
Billy: [reads the words "BEHIND YOU"] Behind you? Behind me?
[looks at the wall that says "BILLY IN THE HALLWAY WITH THE DICE BY... ]
Billy: Billy in the hallway with the dice by... By...
Mandy: By...
Mrs. Doolin: Meeeeee!
Billy: [screams offscreen] I'm sorry, Mandy! You can play! You can play! Girls are allowed!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: That's My Mummy/Toys Will Be Toys (#3.16)" (2004)
Irwin's Dad: Yes, Irwin's mom is actually a mummy. Nobody can tell you who to fall in love with. But we've managed to make it work all these years leaving a whole lot of questions that don't need to be answered.
Billy: Yeah, but how did you and Irwin's mom...?
Irwin's Dad: Leaving a whole lot of questions that don't need to be answered.

Billy: Irwin! I saw something horrible in the bathroom, ooh, then I saw a mummy!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Wild Parts/The Problem with Billy (#4.5)" (2005)
Nasalmancer: [after the noses collided]
[gasp]
Nasalmancer: You blew my nose... up!
Billy: You blew my nose... up!

Billy: [as the nasalmancer digs through Billy's nose] Hey, now, get yo fo' shizzle out of my nizzle, Dawg!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Herbicidal Maniac/Chaos Theory (#6.6)" (2006)
Billy: [Grim is trying to cut a weed in Skarr's yard with his scythe] Hi Grim! Are you practicing golf?
Gen. Skarr: He's trying to get rid of this weed.
Billy: [Billy walks over to the weed] Here, let me try.
[Starts to yell at it]
Billy: Hey you stupid weed! You're stupid and ugly! And your parents fight 'cause they hate you! So why don't you just scram?
[Stops yelling, then walks away]
Billy: Well then...

Billy: I'm going outside to relieve some gas mom!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Wishbones (#4.6)" (2005)
[Mandy watches Billy staring at a washing machine in action]
Mandy: Billy, do you want to be a TV star?
Billy: I wish!
[Mandy tosses Billy into the washing machine]
Mandy: Wish granted.

[Billy and Irwin are in Billy's wish world, spoofing Johnny Quest. Billy is dressed as Johnny and Irwin is dressed as Hadji]
Billy: [to Irwin] Why you talkin' funny?
Irwin: [Indian accent] Because I am from Calcutta, in the mystical east.
Billy: No, you're not, you live down the street, and what's with that weird thingy on your head?
Irwin: [normal voice; shouting] It's a turban! It's what I wear! I'm in character, yo! So why don't you just get off of me!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Super Zero/Sickly Sweet (#3.9)" (2004)
Billy: [upon discovering a microscopic Evil Empire] It's minitesamil evil!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Mortal Dilemma/Evil Goes Wild/Get Out of My Head! (#1.3)" (2001)
Billy's Dad: Son, it's awfully hard to read the paper through your butt.


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Spider's Little Daddy/Tricycle of Terror (#3.1)" (2004)
Sir Raven: And thus our story ends. If you've been paying attention it's because you're a nerd with nothing better to do. And what of Billy you ask? Well, he got himself a new unicycle...
Billy: I'll call you... UNI!
Sir Raven: And what of everybody else? Who cares? They bore the snot out of me. THEEEE ENNND!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Mandy the Merciless/Creating Chaos/The Really Odd Couple (#2.3)" (2003)
Eris: You're watching the paint *dry*?
Billy: Shhhh... this is the best part!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Prank Call of Cthulu (#5.6)" (2005)
Mandy: Your nose looks like some sort of cuttlefish.
Billy: Chicks dig cuttlefish.
Mandy: And your mouth looks like a big, disgusting sucker.
Billy: Chicks dig...
Grim: Don't go there!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Test of Time/A Kick in the Asgard (#3.11)" (2004)
[a viking had just sliced off Billy's dad's pompadour off his head]
Billy's Dad: Hey! My brain was in there!
Brain: Put me in the freezer!
Billy's Dad: [to the viking, whom Billy's dad thinks is Billy] Young man, you can be rude, run up phone bills, shave the cat, and even harass your mother! But when you touch the pomp, it's GO TIME!
[the viking is trying to attack Billy's mom, who is trying to defend herself with a chair]
Billy's Mom: See, Harold? I told you it was not a good idea for Billy to have donuts three times a day!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: The Firebird Sweet/The Bubble with Billy (#4.12)" (2005)
Mandy: [trying to be nice] Billy, we've known each other now for what seems like a nightmarish eternity. And though I insult you and lie to you daily, steal your stuff, make fun of you, your family, and anyone who looks like you, I still don't feel like I...
[she lets out a frustrated grunt]
Mandy: ...know you. Why don't you tell me more about yourself?
Billy: If I told you, you wouldn't understand. I'm a very complex and multi-layered person.
[he blows tiny gum bubbles at Mandy and then speaks very rapidly]
Billy: But if you really want to know more about me, it's all here in my new autobiography. Hot off the presses! Complete and unabridged.


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: House of Pain/Grim Prophecy, A/Mandy Bites Dog (#3.4)" (2004)
Billy: Hey, guys! Guess who's going camping!
[Camera pans out to reveal Billy tied to the roof of his car]
Billy: MEEEE!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Night of Living Grim/Brown Evil/Brown Evil: Part 2 (#2.2)" (2003)
Mandy: It's Hoss Delgado!
Grim: It's Hoss Delgado.
Billy: It's Pat the Baker!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: One Crazy Summoner/Guess What's Coming to the Dinner (#5.2)" (2005)
Mandy: Billy, you know that Rollington Academy is for...
Billy: Geniuses! Which I is one of them!


"The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy: Wrath of the Spider Queen (#7.9)" (2007)
[Billy has summoned an annoyed Grim to school]
Grim: Honestly, Billy, you bring me to school with you every day. I bet I know more about the metric system than you!
Billy: Oh, yeah? Then what's the *capital* of the metric system?