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Quotes for
Chris (Character)
from Team America: World Police (2004)

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Team America: World Police (2004)
Chris: All right, we fuckin' did it.

Chris: [not moving] I was nineteen years old when the musical Cats came to our town.
[Gary stops and listens]
Chris: I couldn't wait to see it. After the show I was asked if I wanted to go meet some of the performers backstage. Man, I was thrilled. But when I got back there, they were drunk and out of control. Rumpus Cat and Macavity kept feeling up my leg. I tried to leave, but, Rumpleteazer held me down, and... I was raped by Mr. Mistoffelees.

Chris: Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. And if you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it?
Gary Johnston: What's your problem with me?
Chris: Yeah, you wanna go?
Joe: Guys, guys, guys! Don't you see this is just what the terrorists want us to do? The war is out there, man! Out there! Now, pull it together!

Chris: I'll drill two holes through your dick so that when you pee it shoots out in all different directions.

Kim Jong Il: It will be 911 times 2356.
Chris: My God, that's... I don't even know what that is!
Kim Jong Il: Nobody does!

Gary Johnston: I had to come back. C'mon team, let's go!
Joe: Wait a second, can we really trust you?
Chris: Yeah, why the fuck should we trust you, you douchebag?

Joe: One of the terrorists is trying to tell us something.
[looks through binoculars]
Gary Johnston: [waving the distress signal towards Joe and Chris] It's me! It's me!
Joe: Looks like he's saying, "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
Chris: Smart-ass motherfucker!
[fires missile at terrorist jeep]

Chris: Surprise, cockfags!

Chris: Bad news Tim Robbins... I'm a smoker!
[he throws his cigarette and it causes an explosion killing Tim Robbins]

Chris: If there's a world left when this is all over, I'd like to buy you a beer.

Chris: What does Spottswoode see in him?
Lisa: I don't know. But I think I see it too.

Chris: If you betray us, I'll rip your fuckin' balls off and stuff them up your ass. So, the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls!

Chris: Have you ever thought about just telling Sarah how you feel?
Joe: Oh, what would a girl like Sarah want with a simple Nebraska boy like me? I don't know nothin' about fancy cars and fancy restaurants. Still, I would love to show her a moonlit night out by the hay stacks.

Chris: Oh, come on, Sarah, you mean you never realized Joe has feelings for you?

[last lines]
Lisa: Wait a minute! Look!
[a cockroach crawls out of Kim Jong-Il's mouth and towards a spaceship]
Kim Jong Il: You have not heard the rast of Kim Jong-Il! I will return! You shall see. I will be back!
[enters spaceship and launches out of the palace]
Kim Jong Il: So rong, Earthrings!
Gary Johnston: We'll be here waiting for you, Kim Jong-Il!
Chris: All right, you guys. I hate to break this little party, but there are still a lot of bad guys out there.
Gary Johnston: Well, then let's go show the bad guys the police are back in force.
Lisa: Fuck, yeah.
Gary Johnston: Fuck, yeah.

Chris: Jesus tittyfucking Christ dude, i could have sworn she was telling the truth!
Gary Johnston: That's why they call it acting.

Chris: Suprise cock fags!