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Quotes for
Wally (Character)
from "Dilbert" (1999)

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"Dilbert: The Virtual Employee (#2.12)" (2000)
Wally: Wow. Old Zeke!
Alice: Actually, that's Young Zeke Who Takes Really Bad Care Of Himself.

Wally: An act of Todd? Is Todd's word not good enough for you?


"Dilbert: The Gift (#2.1)" (1999)
Alice: A gift certificate is completely different from cash.
Dilbert: No, it's not. They're both pieces of paper you can exchange for goods and services.
Alice: You're missing the point.
Dilbert: Actually, a gift certificate is worse than cash, because you can only use it in one place.
Wally: And it expires.
Alice: At least it shows some thought.
Dilbert: It shows defective thought. You're trading perfectly good money for something that does the same thing, only not as well.

Wally: Let's see, we're here.
Wally: We are?
Dilbert: Aren't we?
Dilbert: I suppose.
Wally: I could be wrong.
Asok: If we're not here, then were are we?
Wally: And if we are here
[pointing to mall map]
Wally: , were is here?
Dilbert: Isn't here
[pointing at mall map]
Dilbert: there?
Asok: I would think here
[pointing to ground]
Asok: is here.
Wally: You would.
Dilbert: Here's there
[pointing at mall map]
Dilbert: .
Wally: There's here.
Dogbert: sigh


"Dilbert: The Fact (#2.16)" (2000)
Pointy-Haired Boss: Perhaps we need further research?
Dilbert: Yes!
Pointy-Haired Boss: Perhaps further study?
Dilbert: Yes!
Pointy-Haired Boss: Who's got time for that, you prig? No, we need to create some favorable facts first.
Dilbert: Favorable facts?
Pointy-Haired Boss: Yes. Favorable facts. The other kind are worthless.
Wally: We could flip a coin.
Pointy-Haired Boss: No, too risky.
Loud Howard: We could test humans. That's always fun.
Asok: What about monkeys? Or rabbits, or puppies? We've had some success hurting them in the past, haven't we?
Alice: Dilbert could do some tests on mice. Mice are full of favorable facts.
Pointy-Haired Boss: Very good. Mice it is.
Dilbert: This is ridiculous, but at least that's vaguely scientific. I'll need a budget to get some mice.
Pointy-Haired Boss: We're not PAYING for mice. Good God man the streets are full of them!


"Dilbert: Hunger (#2.8)" (2000)
Dilbert: That is the dumbest hypothetical question I have ever heard.
Wally: People always say that when I'm winning the argument.


"Dilbert: The Delivery (#2.14)" (2000)
Wally: There is one last testing. Dilbert, will you date me?
Dilbert: Not for a thousand years!
Wally: Yeah, he's a woman.


"Dilbert: Ethics (#2.17)" (2000)
Alice: What's the old familiarity technique?
Wally: It involves spending so much time with a woman that she gets used to your faults. It's like falling in love but without the expense.
Dilbert: If I could have made this tobacco lobbyist spend enough time with me...
Wally: ...while she was using you...
Dilbert: ...then maybe, just maybe, the inertia would carry her beyond the point of being repulsed by my personality.
Wally: Then one day if she breaks up with a socially functional boyfriend, she might be to emotionally crippled to date again. And there Dilbert will be.
Alice: Why don't you just date a woman who respects you in the first place?
Wally: You can do that?