No Photo Available
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Captain Keene (Character)
from Carry On... Up the Khyber (1968)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Carry On... Up the Khyber (1968)
[the British outpost at the Khyber Pass has been attacked]
Lady Joan Ruff-Diamond: Oh! How awful! What can have happened ?
Captain Keene: I don't like making guesses, but I wouldn't be surprised if there hadn't been a spot of foul play here.
Missionary: Foul play? Look at them! Lying around like a lot of unwanted cocktail snacks!
Private Jimmy Widdle: Ginger!
Missionary: Who is?
Private Jimmy Widdle: He is. Ginger, my mate.
Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Private Hale ?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Yes, Ginger Hale. Hello, Ginge. It's me, Jimmy. Your old mate, Jimmy Widdle.
Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy? Is it you? My old mate?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Ginge, mate! How do you feel?
Private Ginger Hale: Oh, not so good. I think I've been wounded.
Private Jimmy Widdle: Only here and there.
Private Ginger Hale: Jimmy, I can trust you. Now, give it to me straight. Am I going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Of course not, Ginge mate.
Private Ginger Hale: Eh?
Private Jimmy Widdle: I said, "Of course not, Ginge mate."
Private Ginger Hale: I'm not going to be all right?
Private Jimmy Widdle: Well, how could you be, with half a dozen dirty great holes in you? You've had it.
Private Ginger Hale: You're a bleeding fine mate, I must say.
Private Jimmy Widdle: What do you mean? You asked me to give it to you straight.
Private Ginger Hale: Yeah, but I didn't mean you to. You horrible little runt, you!
Sergeant-Major MacNutt: That's enough! Widdle, you're a great little comfort to a dying man, aren't you? Now listen, Hale, it's Sergeant-Major MacNutt. What happened, lad?
Private Ginger Hale: They attacked about a half-hour ago, Sir. Hundreds of them.
[He belches]
Private Ginger Hale: Burpas! They... they... oooh!
[Hale faints. Sergeant-Major MacNutt shakes his head sadly]
Private Jimmy Widdle: Oh, no! Ginge! Ginge, mate! I'm sorry, I... Poor old mate!
[Widdle gently covers Hale's body with a greatcoat. Hale throws it off]
Private Ginger Hale: That's right! Bleeding well suffocate me!

Captain Keene: Fire at will!
Brother Belcher: Poor old Will, why do they always fire at him?

[Sergeant-Major MacNutt has knocked Captain Keene to the floor with the spear lodged in his back]
Captain Keene: Sergeant-Major, report to the surgeon and get that thing taken out!

Brother Belcher: I've never ridden in a cart pulled by cows before.
Captain Keene: Bullocks, Mr Belcher!
Brother Belcher: No, I haven't, honestly.

Captain Keene: [news of the native revolt arrives] What do you intend to do, sir?
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Do? Do? We're British. We won't do anything...
Major Shorthouse: ...until it's too late.
Sir Sidney Ruff-Diamond: Exactly. That's the first sensible thing you've said all day.

Captain Keene: We need that rope of yours to get over the wall.
The Fakir: I'm sorry, it won't work. Not without the magic words.
Sergeant-Major MacNutt: Come on, you'll be well paid.
The Fakir: Those are the magic words! Help me of this thing!
[Keene and McNutt lift the Fakir of, to reveal empty space]
Sergeant-Major MacNutt: What thing?
The Fakir: Oh look - I've had a touch of the levitations!

Captain Keene: Then I was going to say keep a stiff upper lip.
Missionary: Well I'm not standing around here waiting for mine to stiffen!