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Quotes for
Stuart McCormick (Character)
from "South Park" (1997)

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"South Park: Chickenpox (#2.10)" (1998)
Mr. McCormick: [explaining to Kyle why he isn't as successful as Kyle's father] And do you know why? Because your Dad's Jewish!
Cartman: I heard that!

Mr. McCormick: Hey. We don't say "fuck" at the table, you little asshole.


"South Park: Starvin' Marvin (#1.8)" (1997)
[last lines]
[Kenny's family's dinner is a can of green beans]
Mrs. McCormick: Does anybody have a can opener?
Mr. McCormick: Goddammit.


"South Park: Best Friends Forever (#9.4)" (2005)
[the boys arrive at Hell's Pass Hospital and find Kenny in a persistent vegetative state]
Stan: [surprised] Kenny?
Kyle: [jubilant] Kenny! You're alive!
Stan: Dude, how'd you do that?
[pause]
Doctor: He can't respond to you, boys. Being dead for that long caused a severe damage to his brain.
Cartman: Well... well, then he's not alive.
Mrs. McCormick: He's alive. He smiles when I talk to him, I think...
Cartman: That's not Kenny! Kenny sniffs paint and sets things on fire! Here, look.
[climbs onto Kenny's bed, holding up a dollar bill to Kenny]
Cartman: Kenny, Kenny, look. Want a dollar?
[long pause]
Mr. McCormick: I don't know if it's right to keep Kenny alive on that machine. I just... I don't know what he would want.
Stan: Yeah, the lawyer lost that page.
Cartman: Oh, I just remembered! Kenny told me this one time, that he wouldn't wanna be kept alive by a feeding tube.
Mrs. McCormick: He did? When?
Cartman: [figuring out] Um, it was, um, this one time...
Kyle: He did not say that! You just want him dead so you can have his stupid PSP!
Cartman: Stupid? PSP is stupid? Did you all hear that?... Uh, I mean... I mean, this isn't about the PSP, Kyle! This is about my friend and his wishes! And Kenny said he didn't want to live like this!
Kyle: He did not!
Cartman: Did so!
Kyle: Did not!
Cartman: [shouts] Fine! We'll see about this, you freakin' Jew! I'm gonna get that feeding tube removed if I have to go all the way to the Supreme Court!
[walks out the door]


"South Park: Cartman Joins NAMBLA (#4.5)" (2000)
Mrs. McCormick: Are you all right, Stuart?
Mr. McCormick: Don't touch me! I've had my nuts broken, body poisoned and been made love to in the ass by three dozen forty-year-old men! I just want to go home and take a... a hot bath!


"South Park: A Ladder to Heaven (#6.12)" (2002)
Carol McCormick: You see, boys, Kenny's in here.
[pours out a bit, but the remains are white]
Carol McCormick: Huh?
[pours a bit onto her hand]
Carol McCormick: Wait a minute; this is kitty litter!
Eric Cartman: All right. All right. I drank the chocolate milk mix and replaced it with kitty litter.
Stuart McCormick: [shocked] You what?
Stan Marsh: [shocked] Dude! Don't you know what this means? You drank Kenny!
Eric Cartman: Shut up!
Kyle Broflovski: [shocked] You did, dude; you drank his whole body!
Eric Cartman: Shut up!
Carol McCormick: [almost crying] Oh my god, this is awful... and disgusting!