Gary Tolchuck
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Quotes for
Gary Tolchuck (Character)
from "Aliens in America" (2007)

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"Aliens in America: Pilot (#1.1)" (2007)
Franny: Oh, Justin, if I was a girl your age... Gary, you know what? I should drive him down to Milwaukee. Have him visit one of those modeling agencies.
Gary: Hey, not a bad idea Franny. They take all kinds. Stan Parker's kid did a print ad for Home Depot. That's one year of college.

Raja: Are you the Tolchucks? I am Raja, your exchange student!
Franny: Um, Gar?
Gary: Yeah, yeah, um, I'm sorry son, there might be some confusion. The boy we ordered was supposed to come in from London.
Raja: That *is* me. I started in Pakistan and then I flew in from London.
Gary: Oh.


"Aliens in America: My Musky, Myself (#1.8)" (2007)
Gary: Look, son, it's OK to suck. But it's not OK to quit. And if that means making a fool of yourself in front of thousands and thousands of people, so be it.
Justin: There's only, like, 80 people out there.
Gary: Yeah, but it's gonna feel like thousands when they're throwing garbage at you...


"Aliens in America: Church (#1.10)" (2007)
Franny: Today this family is going to church.
Gary: What?
Claire: Seriously?
Justin: I don't wanna go!
Franny: Today this family is going to church, now get in the damn car!


"Aliens in America: Purple Heart (#1.7)" (2007)
Franny: Yeah, well whole idea is that when you come to America, you check your traditions at the border.
Gary: Otherwise you've just got cannibals running around in the streets and we've got enough traffic problems as it is.


"Aliens in America: No Man Is an Island (#1.2)" (2007)
Jeffrey: I just wish there was something I could do to change her mind.
Gary: Well you can't play it cool, that ship has sailed.
Jeffrey: Did anything like this ever happen between you and Mrs. T?
Gary: Well, come to think of it, we did break up briefly right before we got married.
Jeffrey: Really? How'd you convince her to come back?
Franny: [flashback] I'm pregnant?
Gary: Aw crap, aw crap, aw crap!
Franny: My life is over!
[end of flashback]
Gary: I... can't remember.


"Aliens in America: Homecoming (#1.6)" (2007)
Gary: She looks like a whore! There is NO WAY that my Claire is going to the Homecoming dance in that dress!
Franny: I think you're overreacting.
Gary: Overreacting? It's practically showing her... I mean it's *barely* covering her...
Franny: Breasts?
Gary: Don't you talk that way about my little girl!