Knave of Hearts
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Quotes for
Knave of Hearts (Character)
from "Once Upon a Time in Wonderland" (2013)

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Alice in Wonderland (2010/I)
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: If you're hiding her, you will lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: [as Stayn clutches his throat]
[strained]
The Mad Hatter: Already lost them.

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Alice has escaped.
[Red Queen slaps him]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: On the Bandersnatch.
[Red Queen slaps him again]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: With the Vorpal Sword.
[Red Queen slaps him again]

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: We're looking for the girl called Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor:
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Twinkle twinkle little bat, how I wonder where you're at. Up..."
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Wraps arm around Hatter's throat] If you're hiding her you'll lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: *Already lost them.* All together now!
The Mad Hatter, Dormouse, The March Hare: "Up above the world you fly, like a tea tray in the sky. Twinkle twinkle..."

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Stayne sees Alice] And who is this lovely creature?
The Red Queen: Um, my new favourite.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [to Alice] What is your name?
The Red Queen: Um.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [to Alice] I believe your name has slipped the Queen's mind.
The Red Queen: Her name is Um, IDIOT!

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Well, if it isn't my favorite trio... of lunatics.

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: You're all mad.
The March Hare: Thanks very much.

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Alice... Of course, why didn't I see it? Well, it has been a long time and you were such a little tyke then.

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Um forced herself on me. I told her my heart belongs to you-she's obsessed with me.

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction!

Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [pinning Alice against the wall] I like you, Um. I like... largeness.

The Red Queen: Ilosovic Stayne, you Knave. Where have you been lurking?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Majesty, I have found... the Oraculum.
[unrolls it with a flourish]
The Red Queen: Is that it? Seems so ordinary for an oracle.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [pointing] Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
The Red Queen: [frowning] I'd know that tangled mess of hair anywhere. Is it Alice?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: I believe it is.
The Red Queen: What's she doing to my darling Jabberwocky?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [examining his gloves, deadpan] She appears to be slaying it.
The Red Queen: [angry] She killed my Jabberbabywocky?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Not yet, but it will happen if we don't stop her.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: To Catch a Thief (#1.12)" (2014)
[Jafar is offering to revive Anastasia in return for Will's help]
Knave of Hearts: If you think I'm ever gonna help you, you're madder than the Hatter.

Knave of Hearts: Give a man the proper motivation, you never know what he might be willing to do.

Jafar: I imagine you must want to kill me for what I did.
Knave of Hearts: Why don't you open this door and we'll find out?
Old Prisoner: [to Jafar] Haven't you tortured him enough? Show the boy some mercy!
Jafar: Mercy? And I suppose you'd be the expert on that subject.
Old Prisoner: I've learned the error of my ways. But I'm waiting for you to learn anything at all!

Knave of Hearts: Watch your tongue, lass. Else you'll lose that as well as your head.
Alice: That's a little redundant, don't you think?
Knave of Hearts: Depends on which one you lose first.

Knave of Hearts: [after hitting Cyrus] How about I give you a free swing?
Cyrus: No, thank you.
Knave of Hearts: Seriously - I don't mind.
Cyrus: I do.
Knave of Hearts: Why, because you're not a lover, not a fighter, and all that?
Cyrus: I don't want to carry you around for the next five hours.

Alice: You're quite clumsy for a soldier.
Knave of Hearts: And you're a little young to be a murderer.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Down the Rabbit Hole (#1.1)" (2013)
Alice: Stop your moving. We'll just sink faster.
Knave of Hearts: Because a slow death is so much more pleasant. This is humiliating. I'm going to die like a bloody s'more.
Alice: What?
Knave of Hearts: It's biscuits and chocolate, and you get toasted marsh... never mind, the point is we're gonna die.

Alice: You.
Knave of Hearts: "You"? That's what I get? "You"? Well, nice to see you, too, Alice.

Alice: Careful, Knave. We've landed in the Mallow Marsh.
Knave of Hearts: Of course we did, because a pond made out of dessert topping makes perfect sense.

Knave of Hearts: The Red Queen - you also said it was her who threw Cyrus into the Boiling Sea. Why would she do that?
Alice: I don't know, but I'd love to ask her and see the look on her face when she realizes I'm not the forgiving sort. Particularly when said face meets this branch repeatedly.
Knave of Hearts: Doesn't sound like you.
Alice: The doctors said I'm a danger to myself and others.

Alice: I can't believe it. *You*. You were...
Knave of Hearts: Brave? Daring?
Alice: Stealing my wishes.
Knave of Hearts: Oh, that. I think maybe you misunderstand. I was just protecting the wishes.
Alice: You expect me to believe that?
Knave of Hearts: Not really, no. But could we focus on the part where I came back and saved your life?

The White Rabbit: Uh, what I meant was, I was having tea with the Dormouse, and he said that he saw him.
Knave of Hearts: So we came all the way here on the word of a narcoleptic rodent?


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Forget Me Not (#1.3)" (2013)
Knave of Hearts: Nazim! Pleasure to see you again.
Nazim: Don't "pleasure" me.
Knave of Hearts: I wouldn't dream of it.

Knave of Hearts: I think now might be a good time to use one of those wishes.
Alice: There has to be another way out of this.
Knave of Hearts: The only way out seems to be through his digestive tract.

Alice: [Reading the Knave's "Wanted" poster] "For theft, fraud, posturing, in-posturing, gambling, disturbing the peace, and... public nudity"?
Knave of Hearts: In my defense, I was tied to a tree and stripped of my clothes, so that one wasn't really my fault.

Knave of Hearts: Don't panic. I've been in worse binds than this. Well, equivalent binds.

Alice: You were the one that kept telling me to use a wish.
Knave of Hearts: Now I wish you didn't.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Trust Me (#1.2)" (2013)
Knave of Hearts: Please go to sleep.
Alice: I can't. You sleep.
Knave of Hearts: How can I sleep when you insist on thinking so loudly?

Silvermist: Awfully bold of you to show your face in Wonderland. Do you know how many people are looking for you?
Knave of Hearts: Might be easier to figure out how many *aren't*.
Silvermist: You think you're funny?
Knave of Hearts: I think I'm buggered no matter what I say right now.

Knave of Hearts: Where do we find this bottle?
Alice: We buried it in the Mimsy Meadown. Under the towering Tumtum Tree. It's a place where nobody goes.
Knave of Hearts: With a name like that, why would they, unless they were a Care Bear?
Alice: What's a Care Bear?
Knave of Hearts: Never mind.

Knave of Hearts: Now you've gone and hurt the tree. You happy?


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Bad Blood (#1.7)" (2013)
Alice: Have you ever been in a hot-air balloon?
Knave of Hearts: If I say no, do I get to stay here on the ground?

Knave of Hearts: So tell me, Edwin - have you ever eaten something that's tried to kill you before?
Edwin - Alice's Father: No, Will, I don't believe I have.
Knave of Hearts: It's sort of a Wonderland rite of passage.

Knave of Hearts: [Checking his pockets] Dice, a dollar bill, keys to Granny's - she's going to be right pissed about that. Peanut.
[tastes it and spits it out]
Knave of Hearts: Stale peanut.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Nothing to Fear (#1.9)" (2014)
The Red Queen: Either way, we need to find the Rabbit, get out of wonderland before Jafar finds us.
Knave of Hearts: I'd prefer to take my chances with the homicidal maniac with the snake stick. Thank you, though.

Knave of Hearts: I think these are for you.
Lizard: What are they?
Knave of Hearts: Wishes. Mistress mine, my will is thine. Tell me your wishes three. Bollocks!

Knave of Hearts: I'm pretty sure I'm a genie, Lizard.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Who's Alice? (#1.6)" (2013)
Knave of Hearts: [sees the Carpenter staring at him with a large grin] Who's that?
Alice: Oh, that's just the Carpenter. Don't worry about him!
Knave of Hearts: Right. Don't worry about the man with the saw and the scary grin.
Alice: Exactly!

Knave of Hearts: Have you ever been stoned? Feels like death when you come out of it.
Man: Maybe you've been messing with the wrong stuff.
Knave of Hearts: No, I mean stoned as in turned to stone.
Man: Sure, sure.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Home (#1.8)" (2013)
Knave of Hearts: Nice spot. There's something wrong in the world when a rabbit has a nicer flat than you do.

Alice: Knave. You gave me a fright.
Knave of Hearts: Sorry, nature was calling.
Alice: Really? What did it say?
Knave of Hearts: Nothing you want to hear. Trust me.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: The Serpent (#1.4)" (2013)
Knave of Hearts: Well basically, we could die or we could run.
Alice: I don't particularly care for the first one.


Alice in Wonderland (1999) (TV)
Sir Jack, the Knave of Hearts: [on trial for stealing tarts] I confess! I didn't do it!


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Dirty Little Secrets (#1.10)" (2014)
Knave of Hearts: [about the bottle] That's my house he's holding now, and frankly, I hate it. There's not a lot of elbow room. And you know what else there isn't?
Alice: Please don't tell us.
Knave of Hearts: A toilet.


"Once Upon a Time in Wonderland: Heart of the Matter (#1.11)" (2014)
Knave of Hearts: What are you doing?
The Jabberwocky: Listening.
Knave of Hearts: To what?
The Jabberwocky: You.
Knave of Hearts: Oh.
The Jabberwocky: Your deepest fears.
Knave of Hearts: I'll save you some time. Waters, hairy spiders, being stabbed in the head, and, uh, raisins. Grapes are fine, but raisins, no, thank you.


"Once Upon a Time: Queen of Hearts (#2.9)" (2012)
[the Queen of Hearts is whispering something to her knave]
Knave of Hearts: The Queen wants to know why you've come to Wonderland.
Captain Hook: I'm in search of someone. In her native land, she goes by Cora.
Cora/Queen of Hearts: [removes her mask] In this land, she goes by "Your Majesty"!