From "Malcolm in the Middle: Reese's Apartment (#5.15)"
Malcolm, there you are. You know Ira James, right? All-State fullback, state single-season rushing record... Who'm I kiddin'. He's probably never even talked to you. Ira's graduating this year. He's got interests from six Division 1-A colleges. Full rides. The problem is, each school wants him to write a personal essay on his application.
So, Ira's an idiot. I mean, hamster idiot. And that's only if we're talkin' about a really stupid hamster.
Mom says I have other nice qualities.
Since you're the smartest kid in school, I want you to help him write his essays.