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: There are two kinds of people - those who don't do what they want to do, so they write down in a diary about what they haven't done, and those who are too busy to write about it because they're out doing it!
: What do you do? Benjamin Dingle
: I'm a well-to-do, retired millionaire. How 'bout you? Joe Carter
: [pouring the the coffee that he spilled most of, Ms. Milligan looks at him like he's crazy
] There's a war going on Ms. Milligan!
] Benjamin Dingle
] In love or war, with people like us, we've got to work fast or we'll miss the bus. If you straddle a fence and you sit and wait, you get too little and you get it too late. Benjamin Dingle
: What'll you say if we see it through, you stick by me and I'll stick by you. And our 18 children will be glad we said... Benjamin Dingle
, Men bunking in the apartment building lobby
] "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. And our 18 children will be glad we said, "Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead, damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!"
: What's your name? Joe Carter
: Carter. Benjamin Dingle
: Bill Carter? Joe Carter
: Joe Carter. Benjamin Dingle
: I used to know a fellow named Bill Carter. Joe Carter
: Wasn't me. Benjamin Dingle
: Don't you suppose I know that? Joe Carter
: What'd you ask for, then? Benjamin Dingle
: I guess I know what Bill Carter looked like. Joe Carter
: Not like me. Benjamin Dingle
: Oh, then, you know Bill Carter. Joe Carter
: No, I don't, but he sounds like a great guy.
: Say, what brought you here, Mr. Carter? Joe Carter
: Railroad. Benjamin Dingle
: No, I mean, what's your job? Joe Carter
: I'm a mechanic. I work in a baby carriage factory. Benjamin Dingle
: Where? Joe Carter
: California. Benjamin Dingle
: San Francisco? Joe Carter
: Burbank. Benjamin Dingle
: Baby carriage factory, eh? Joe Carter
: Yep. Tokyo Baby Carriage Corporation - plain and fancy baby carriages for carrying babies to Tokyo. Benjamin Dingle
: Oh. Maybe you think this is none of my business. Joe Carter
: Maybe I do. Benjamin Dingle
: Probably your name isn't even Bill Carter. Joe Carter
: Probably not. It's probably Joe Carter.
[Benjamin is trying to convince Connie to rent out the room to him instead of to a woman
] Connie Milligan
: ...I've made up my mind to rent to nobody but a woman. Benjamin Dingle
: So, let me ask you something. Would I ever want to wear your stockings? Connie Milligan
: No. Benjamin Dingle
: Well, all right. Would I ever want to borrow your girdle, or your red and yellow dancing slippers? Connie Milligan
: Of course not. Benjamin Dingle
: Well, any woman, no matter who, would insist upon borrowing that dress you got on right now. You know why? Because it's so pretty. Connie Milligan
: I made it myself. Benjamin Dingle
: And how would you like it if she spilled a cocktail all over it... at a party you couldn't go with her to because she borrowed it to go to it... in? Connie Milligan
: She might have something that I could wear. Benjamin Dingle
: Not her. Connie Milligan
: Why not? Benjamin Dingle
: Because she's so dumpy looking. Never has anything clean. That's why she's always borrowing your dresses. Connie Milligan
: How do I know you'd be any better? Benjamin Dingle
: [spinning around and patting the clothes he has on
] Well, look at me. I'm neat, like a pin. Ah, let me stay. Connie Milligan
: Well, look, I... Benjamin Dingle
: I tell you what. We'll try it out for a week. End of the week comes, if you're not happy, we'll flip a coin to see who moves out.
[after Benjamin has moved into her apartment, Connie is explaining to him the morning schedule she has worked out for the two of them
] Connie Milligan
: [showing him a map
] See, this is a floor plan of the apartment. Here's my room, here's your room, here's the bathroom and here's the kitchen. Now, my alarm goes off at seven o'clock, and we both get up. At seven one, I enter the bathroom. Then you go down to get the milk, and by seven five you've started the coffee. One minute later, I leave the bathroom, and a minute after that, you enter the bathroom. And that's when I'm starting to dress. Three minutes later, I'm having my coffee, and a minute after that at seven twelve, you leave the bathroom. At seven thirteen, I put on my eggs, and I leave to finish dressing. Then you put on your shoes, and take off my eggs at seven sixteen. At seven seventeen, you start to shave. At seven eighteen, I eat my eggs, and at seven twenty-one, I'm in the bathroom fixing my hair, and at seven twenty-four, you're in the kitchen putting on your eggs. At seven twenty-five, you make your bed. Seven twenty-six, I make my bed. And then while you're eating your eggs, I take out the papers and cans. At seven twenty-nine, you're washing the dishes, and at seven thirty, we're all finished. You see?
[Benjamin looks up at Connie with a glazed expression
] Connie Milligan
: It's really very simple. Benjamin Dingle
: Do we do all this railroad time or Eastern War time?
: [looks over Dingle's reservation
] Senator Noonan engaged a suite beginning the 24th. Why, this is only the 22nd. You're two days early. Benjamin Dingle
: Anything wrong with being two days early? Hotel Clerk
: Why, no, sir. Benjamin Dingle
: Everybody ought to be two days early. When this nation gets two days early we'll be getting somewhere. Hotel Clerk
: Yes, sir. But unfortunately this suite won't be vacated until day-after-tomorrow. Benjamin Dingle
: Can you connect me with Senator Noonan? Hotel Clerk
: The Senator's out of town. Benjamin Dingle
: Oh. When will he be back? Hotel Clerk
: Well, he was due back, uh, day-before-yesterday, but he's, he's, uh... Benjamin Dingle
: Two days late. Hotel Clerk
: Yes, sir. Benjamin Dingle
: Well when Senator Noonan gets back late, tell him I was here early. Hotel Clerk
: Yes, sir.
[Connie, home from work, finds Benjamin outside her door. She walks around Benjamin and enters. Benjamin, looking for housing, knocks three times on the door. Connie opens it
] Benjamin Dingle
: How do you do? Connie Milligan
: How do you do? Benjamin Dingle
: I'm Benjamin Dingle. Connie Milligan
: You certainly are. Benjamin Dingle
: Now about that apartment... Connie Milligan
: I'm sorry, I've already rented it. Benjamin Dingle
: Just a moment, young lady. Do you think you know me well enough to lie to me? Connie Milligan
: Yes. Benjamin Dingle
: Even so, you shouldn't do it. Do you realize that practically most of the trouble in the world comes from people lying to people? Just take Hitler, for instance. He's... Connie Milligan
: I'm sorry, Mister, but I prefer sh... Benjamin Dingle
: Uh, Mr. Dingle. Connie Milligan
: Mr. Dingle. I prefer sharing my apartment with a lady. Benjamin Dingle
: That's fine, so would I. Connie Milligan
: Uh, I'm sure you'd be happier someplace else. Benjamin Dingle
: I've been there.
[Carter and Dingle are reading a "Dick Tracy" comic strip
] Connie Milligan
: Is that the best you can do with your time? Joe Carter
: Mmm. Got to keep up with what's going on. Benjamin Dingle
: I missed two Sundays with "Superman" once, and I've never felt right since. Connie Milligan
: Seems to me you might read something more beneficial. Joe Carter
: Like what? Connie Milligan
: Like the editorials, for instance, or the columns. All well-informed people read the columnists. Benjamin Dingle
: Such as Mr. Pendergast, I suppose. Connie Milligan
: You're right, I suppose. Mr. Pendergast always reads the columnists. Joe Carter
: Are they funny? Benjamin Dingle
: Sometimes, but no pictures.
[Dingle and Carter are reading a newspaper on the rooftop
] Benjamin Dingle
: Hand me that section, will you? I want to see if anyone I know is being born today.
[Connie doesn't want to rent her apartment to Mr. Dingle, but Dingle has made up his mind
] Connie Milligan
: Why don't you go to the YMCA? Benjamin Dingle
: I'm too old. Connie Milligan
: Or the, the veterans' home? Benjamin Dingle
: I'm too young. Connie Milligan
: Well, I don't know what to think. Benjamin Dingle
: Well, sooner or later I'm going to rent half this apartment. Suppose I have a look at it, eh?
: [to Connie
] I missed two Sundays of "Superman" once, and I've never felt the same since.
] Old Jimmy Doolittle flew over the seas. He watched the nip at the Nipponese; Cleared a cloud and looked below, Said, "By golly there's To-ki-o." Oh Jimmy Doolittle he understood; He dood his duty and he dood it good. Somewhere Jimmy had heard it said, "Damn the torpedoes - full steam ahead!" "Damn the torpedoes - full steam ahead!" "Damn the torpedoes - full steam ahead!"
: [singing with the other men sleeping in the apartment lobby as Connie and Joe come back from being married
] Don't try to steal the sweetheart of a soldier; /It's up to you to play a manly part. /Though he's over there and she's over here, /Still she's always in his heart. /They may not meet again to love each other; /Still he prays that he'll come back some day. /While he fights for you and me /To protect our liberty, /Don't try to steal his girl away.
: Now, look, please, will you think of my position. I can't go around just renting my apartment to anybody. Benjamin Dingle
: I'm not just anybody. Connie Milligan
: Besides, I'm only doing because of the housing congestion in Washington. Benjamin Dingle
: You said it. Connie Milligan
: I-I think its my patriotic duty to take somebody in; because, everything is so overcrowded.
: Really, you wouldn't be happy here at all. Benjamin Dingle
: Home is where you hang your hat.
: You're a very systematic girl, aren't you? Connie Milligan
: I used to work in the office of facts and figures.
: Miss Milligan, by the way, why aren't you married, Miss Milligan? Connie Milligan
: Well, really! Benjamin Dingle
: Some high type, clean cut, nice young fella? Connie Milligan
: If you don't mind, Mr. Dingle... Benjamin Dingle
: Of course, there's not many men about nowadays; but, there's always one if you're out to get one. Connie Milligan
: Maybe I don't want to get married. Benjamin Dingle
: Well, don't you? Well, maybe you do. Well, come, come, Miss Milligan, make up your mind. Connie Milligan
: Make up my mind? Benjamin Dingle
: You know, Damn The Torpedoes, Full Steam Ahead!
: If you expect to get along here, Mr. Dingle, you'll have to learn to mind your own business. Benjamin Dingle
: These times, Miss Milligan, everybodies' business is everybodies' business. War brings people closer together, you know. Connie Milligan
: Not you and me, Mr. Dingle. Good night.
: One more thing, we better not leave the apartment together in the morning. Benjamin Dingle
: You mean because people might think... Connie Milligan
: Well, not exactly, but, people are so... Benjamin Dingle
: Me? Connie Milligan
: Of course. Benjamin Dingle
: Thank you, Miss Milligan. I thank you, in deed.
: Do you smoke in bed? Benjamin Dingle
: No, I sleep in bed. Connie Milligan
: Do I smell smoke? Benjamin Dingle
: Only the smoke of burning memories, Miss Milligan, rising from the smoldering embers from my romantic youth.
: Hello, Milligan. Benjamin Dingle
: I'm Dingle.
: What's the matter, Milligan? Benjamin Dingle
: Dingle. Now, listen Bill. Joe Carter
: I hope I haven't upset your routine here? Connie Milligan
: Just - stick to the schedule, that's all I ask. Benjamin Dingle
: Rather nice having a high type, clean cut, nice young fellow at table. Better than nobody. Connie Milligan
: I'm used to nobody.
: You ought to have some high times here, Joe. Young fellas don't come a dime a dozen in Washington. Eight girls to every fellow. Joe Carter
: Yeah, well, I haven't got time for that. I'm only gonna be in Washington, only a week.
: He just happens to be the assistant regional coordinator of OPL, that's all. Joe Carter
: Is that good or bad? Connie Milligan
: Eight-six hundred dollars a year. Benjamin Dingle
: That's good.
: World conditions are so unsettled, Miss Milligan, because people won't settle on things. They ought to stop pondering and push ahead! Damn The Torpedoes, Full Speed Ahead!
: Of course, you don't realize that Mr. Pendergast is the type of man who has twice been to the White House for dinner. Benjamin Dingle
: Worst food in Washington.
: Let's do away with all forms and obligations! Cut out all the red tape! Full Speed Ahead!
: I don't know what this is all about. There's no telling how long I'll be held up here. Charles J. Pendergast
: Now, tut tut tut. Everyone over here knows me. I'm sure my presence will speed things up.
: After 7:45, you can have the bathroom all day if you'd like. Sir William Rutland
: I wouldn't know what to do in the bathroom all day!